TLDR: A “Happy New Year” comes not from external conditions, but from appreciating the little blessings in life. The key is to adopt “gratitude as our attitude”.
During this festive season, we often wish our relatives and friends “Happy Chinese New Year”, or “恭喜发财“. In recent years, I started questioning – where does happiness (喜) in a new year come from?
For the young me, this was easily answered. Happiness came from playing with firecrackers, enjoying sumptuous dinners and sinful goodies, meeting my cousins to sing KTV/play cards, and watching TV shows till late.
As I grew up, my views changed. More than seeking pleasures derived from “consumption”, I saw the potential of seeking happiness through “appreciation”. In other words, gratitude.
Gratitude to Parents (父母恩)
In Chinese Mahayana Buddhism, there are 4 objects worthy of great gratitude (四重恩). The first object is none other than our parents.
Leading up to each Chinese New Year, my dad would busy himself around the house. Cleaning the fan, wiping the windows, changing cushion covers, hanging up decorations – the work seemed never-ending.
Typical Chinese New Year decorations at my house – spot the “福禄寿” bears?
I didn’t always appreciate these. The loud vacuum noises and the buckets laying around were a nuisance to me who was trying to study at home.
Mum was also busy during the Chinese New Year when my sister and I were young. She would pack our bags for our 3-day stay in Malaysia (our Grandmother’s house), tend to our daily needs away from home, and deal with any contingencies. I recall once when I fell ill with a stomachache – Mum’s Chinese New Year was spent with me visiting the doctor instead of relatives.
As I grew up, I had to take over some spring-cleaning tasks from my dad. With baby nieces and nephews around, I had to babysit them as well. These made me realise how much I have overlooked the contributions of my parents in giving me a “normal” Chinese New Year to enjoy.
I realised that the “normalcy” I enjoyed during Chinese New Year when I was young was built on their sacrifice.
Gratitude to Country (国土恩)
It was a challenge going into Malaysia each year with traffic jams at the immigration customs lasting up to 3 hours. There were even times when my family was delayed and had to have reunion “suppers” instead!
As a youth, I was often frustrated at the other cars. “Why do all of you have to leave at the same time?”, I would wonder. Also, couldn’t the customs officers work faster?
One year, I realised, “I was not stuck in traffic. I WAS the traffic”. I realised that the customs officers were part of the solution, while I was part of the problem.
Traffic jams at the customs during Chinese New Years can last up to 3 hours Source: The Straits Times
Frustration gave way to appreciation to the customs officers. Thanks to them, our immigration system is working smoothly and our national borders are kept safe.
Thus, the second object of gratitude is to our country (e.g. public service; national infrastructure; healthcare/immigration/security system). These blessings are not always visible, but they provide the foundation for us to lead our normal lives.
Gratitude to All Beings (众生恩)
Many beings bring convenience to our lives. We may not know most of their names and faces, but we have benefited from their contributions. They form the third object for gratitude.
Chinese New Year offers many opportunities for us to observe how people have helped us.
In recent years, I started noticing the waiters who serve our food at reunion dinners, the chefs who prepare the food, the entertainers who perform in celebratory “countdown” shows for us, the cleaners who clean up the mess made after New Year events, and many more.
I realised that things are easy and pleasant only because people help one another. We influence one another, living in a community and society, and our lives are deeply interwoven.
Recollecting the debt of gratitude we have for fellow sentient beings, I feel connected to others around me. This brings much comfort and warmth.
Gratitude to the Triple Gem （三宝恩）
The final object for recollection is to the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha) – our safe and secure refuge.
Reflecting on my life, I discovered that I was constantly seeking things to invest my faith/time/effort in return for some happiness. This can take the form of relationships, wealth, fame, job, or even rituals.
We are all seeking a “refuge” to seek comfort from. For example, a popular “tradition” in Singapore is to pray at a temple upon the turn of the Lunar New Year. Some even make efforts to be the first person to offer prayers (插头香) in the belief that it is an auspicious act.
Typical scene of temple-goers rushing offer incense (插头香) during Lunar New Year Source: The Straits Times
Lunar New Year can help us to consider what we choose to invest our faith in. For me, the New Year encourages me to reaffirm my faith in the Triple Gem.
This reminds me that true happiness is a function of my efforts, and not from external conditions. For that, I am grateful.
What makes a “Happy New Year”?
A “Happy New Year” need not just be a cursory greeting we repeat during the 15 days of New Year festivals during house visits. It can also be a sincere aim to strive towards for the entire year.
Things will never be totally smooth in life. If we depend on favourable external conditions to bring us happiness, we will never be able to find much stability.
However, with gratitude as our attitude, we can learn to observe the little blessings around us. Through patient and consistent effort, we can gradually learn to see challenges as opportunities for growth and to find the silver lining in dire situations.
This would be the true cause for happiness in our lives, and allow us to enjoy a “Happy New Year”.
Wise Steps
Keep a gratitude journal. This can be a physical notebook, a virtual word document, or even a private instagram page. Be disciplined in writing down something everyday.
When idle, play a game with yourself – note down 10 things around you to be grateful for. Challenge yourself to identify blessings you have taken for granted.
Train your mind to see problems as challenges, and as opportunities for growth. Be grateful for the tough times in life, and be worthy of your sufferings.
The Buddha in his very first sermon to these cultivated disciples gives this teaching there is suffering, and then he says it should be understood. This is the practice to understand, to know, to fully recognise suffering, not to just react to it, run away from it, blame it on somebody else like we tend to do — “I suffer because it’s too hot” or “I suffer because of my wife or husband, my children” or “I suffer because of the political system”.
We love to blame everyone else for our unhappiness. So it’s a blaming society — “If the government was perfect, if the national health system was perfect, if my wife or my husband was perfect then I wouldn’t have any suffering.”.
The truth: Suffering comes from within
But even if that all came true, you’d still suffer because there is this not understanding, not having developed wisdom, not having looked into the nature of things. So, even under the best, the most auspicious, and pleasant conditions we can possibly expect as a human being there will still be Dukkha or suffering.
Now, that can sound pessimistic to many people. But it is not. It’s a change in your direction from just running around trying to find happiness and running from suffering to look at suffering, saying “there is suffering”. It’s like this. And when I say it in this way, it’s not about liking it or approving, but you recognise that the mental state you’re not looking at suffering as if it’s happening out there you’re not blaming the weather or somebody else. You’re looking at your consciousness.
Understanding reality as is
The reality of consciousness in the present moment. And you can realise the doubt, the fear, the resentments from the past, the anxiety about the future, worry, dread, disappointment, despair, grief, and lost. All these are a part of the human experience. And then all of us have to deal with old age, with sickness, with the death.
We have to cope with the loss of loved ones, seeing our parents grow old, and get feeble, and die. It’s just a part of human experience. And yet, we suffer from this because we don’t want it to be like that. We don’t want to have that happen to ourselves. In terms of the reality that all human beings face is that we all cope with the changing of conditions. What’s born, what grows up, what gets old, and what dies, it’s just the nature of things.
Embracing change without labeling it as good or bad.
That’s natural phenomena. There’s nothing wrong, bad, or it shouldn’t be otherwise. It’s looking at it from the wisdom level, of mindfulness by seeing that all conditions, all phenomena, are in this incessant changing-ness.
So, the Buddha emphasised over and over in his teaching that all conditions are impermanent.
TLDR: Do you want to feel more happiness and less anxiety and worry? There are 3 practical ways you can try to always find happiness in the little things in life.
Would you like to experience consistent happiness on a daily basis compared to worry, anxiety and stress? I think most sane people would answer yes to this question. But despite the many books written on happiness, why are we not getting happier but instead feeling more depressed? It seems our happiness is easily toppled. Just take away travel, social gatherings and nightlife, like what we witnessed during the pandemic, we tip over to mental dis-ease away from well being. Is consistent happiness really attainable? Here are 3 ways to always find happiness.
Changing Our Perception
If the title of this article sounds too good to be true – it is! Happiness, like attaining wealth, comes with work. Happiness does not come on a platter given to us by someone. All of us do not want to suffer. But yet we do. The culprit, or, the cause of our suffering is our mind’s constant clinging to feel secure. Security is finding safety from death and being loved unconditionally.
This article does not deal with finding security from death or unconditional love. Instead, suggestions are made here to help us change our perception in our daily life, so that we can continuously find opportunities to lift our minds.
Some of us cling onto perceptions that keep us suffering. Such as being upset at having our plans thwarted to feeling righteous and annoyed whenever we are challenged by another.
If we can change our perception little by little, we begin to feel that nothing is thwarting our life plan and it is not always necessary to have everything go our way.
1. Stop Comparing
We make comparisons everyday. We compare restaurants, the weather to fashion, movies and people. Making comparisons causes us to accept one thing and reject another. Although acceptance and rejections are of varying degrees, we nevertheless make up our minds about something and reject its opposite, unless we already have an open mind.
Making comparisons can make us miserable. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, it has been difficult to visit the public pool as and when I like. So I joined a club pool and was very happy to bring my nephew along. I jumped into the pool, grateful. But my nephew was gloomy. The reason? The pool isn’t up to his standards compared to other pools where there are toys and slides for children to play with. He was happy he could sneak out of the house to play in the pool but yet was unhappy at the pool. Does this make sense?
My nephew is not behaving weirdly, rather he is only showing the reason for the constant lack of contentment in our hearts.
If he had remembered his fortune at being able to sneak out for an hour to relax by the pool, rather than to be stuck at home submerged in schoolwork, maybe he would be happier. He was making wrong comparisons.
Discern Wisely
Being wise is the ability to make sensible decisions based on experience and knowledge. To discern wisely is to be able to have good judgment of the quality of your own thoughts and those of others.
If we can discern wisely instead of making endless comparisons, we might be grateful instead of feeling discontented with our lives. Not comparing others’ characters does not mean we befriend everyone who could be a bad influence. Being able to discern wisely means we can judge others’ character and qualities with compassion. Instead of comparing if this or that person is good or bad, we can instead help those who are willing to listen to adopt good qualities such as kindness and love instead of indifference and anger. As for those who already have good qualities we can also befriend them to incline our own minds towards joy.
Being able to discern also means we are grateful for the food we are offered or we choose to eat, even if it does not meet the taste and standards of another restaurant.
2. Accept Things as They are
Look at your life so far. You may find that most of your expectations were not met (unless you have a very contented mind). We get married and expect to be happy-ever-after. But how many people find that? We may have pictured our lives to turn out a certain way, but did it all turn out as we had visualized?
What you plan in a day may not even turn out the way you expected. You could be planning a lovely day for your partner and his or her level of surprise or happiness may not match your expectation. You may think doing something for your child today makes him/her happy but they end up sulking.
Truth is, everything that comes our way can be joyful.
Learn to change your mind
One of the weekend mornings I was looking forward to meditating for 3 to 4 hours. I did manage 1.5 hours but found my helper unwell. She was hired to help out with looking after my father who has dementia. I stopped my meditation and went out to buy the day’s necessities. When I came home, I found my father ill as well. It turned out I went out too early and the food shop had not yet opened. So I made 2 trips to buy food. I also realized my father was having diarrhoea, so he could not eat all the food I bought. I could have been upset that my plan to meditate was upended and that I spent more than I should.
But I have learned through mindfulness that happiness does not come from outer events but from what I think about them.
Ayya Khema said, “Don’t blame the trigger,” and this has made a deep impression on me. It means that if I no longer have anger within me, it is not possible for anyone to trigger this state of mind.
We need not keep anger, discontentment, or sadness in our minds if we keep replacing them with joy and happiness. Instead of being upset that my plan is not going accordingly, I was grateful to be able to serve my helper and father. It made me happy.
3. Everything is Already Broken
The third way to always find joy is to realize that everything is already broken. A beautiful flower is already on its way to wilt. A sunny day does not last forever. Civilizations rise and fall. Our minds are mostly joyful at new things. From a baby to a living flower, to a new star or a new home. We hide aged and dying people, and quickly repaint or mend a crack in our homes to cover the ugliness.
Most of our lives are spent covering up the fact of life – that death is already within everything around us, including our own bodies.
No one likes to grow old and sick, because we know how society treats decay. Read the news and see how our society abhors death. Death is always perceived as unfortunate, when the fact is, we all know, no one can live forever.
Treasure What is and Let Go
Knowing that everything is already broken does not mean we become indifferent. Indifference is not joy.
Seeing that everything is fading teaches us to be present to whoever we are with. It allows us to appreciate the flower that has not yet decayed.
But when it dies, we are not sad as well because we have given it the attention it needs.
Understanding that everything is coming apart also allows us to accept things when they are broken – from relationships to a favourite broken antique vase. We know the lively home we have now will not last forever. This helps us love everyone (including the unlovable because they are a part of our lives) and everything for that moment, with mindfulness to let go of every moment. There is nothing we can hold onto, not even the universe we live in because it is changing and moving towards a black hole to be devoured.
Our world and the universe are always changing.
Our bodies are heading towards decay, but it does not mean we cannot always find joy in the little things in life.
Wise Steps:
To change your perception, it is helpful to meditate for at least 10 mins a day.
Be grateful for what you have, so that external factors have lesser control over your moods.
Learn to see that doing things for others is the same as doing something for yourself because serving others can bring joy to your heart.
Beyond all the violence and nail-biting scenes of Squid Game, the show taught me some Dhamma lessons while I was watching it. Here are my 3 Dhamma takeaways!
One barely escapes Squid Game, both in the show and on social media.
A browse through social media will show scores of Squid Game memes, advertisements, and analyses on it.
Since its Netflix’s release, Squid Game has become the #1 show in over 90 countries. For the uninitiated, Squid Game depicts a story of people who are heavily financially in debt. They compete for 45.6 billion won (~52 million SGD) by taking part in six Korean kids’ games. However, if participants lose any of the games, they risk losing their lives. Intense.
Here are 3 Dhamma takeaways that you may have missed!
SPOILER WARNING! Jump to ‘Wise Steps’ if you do not wish to get these small spoilers!
Life is Impermanent and rarely linear
Sang-woo is the childhood friend of Squid Game’s main character (Gi-hun). A naturally bright student who enrolled in one of the top universities (as Gi-hun constantly reminds every contestant), Sang-woo gets a job as an investment banker, an occupation held in high regard in modern society.
Sang-woo (Smart guy), Gi Hun (Smart guy bestie), Saebyeok (fellow contestant) Photo Credits: Netflix
Sang-woo’s character reveals the power of Anicca (Pali for “Impermanence” in Buddhism). The show highlights his decline from success to states of sorrow and anger.
What’s crazy about watching Sang-woo is that you can see yourself or even close friends in him.
Sang-woo reminds you of that one friend who is a perfect scholar. The one who studies hard. The one who gets into a top university and has a great job. I shudder at the thought of knowing the number of potential ‘Sang-woos’ in my life.
For these perceptibly fortunate folks, life seems like an upward trajectory, where the only thing permanent is their success.
Alas, the eight worldly winds, as taught by the Buddha do not spare Sang-woo from impermanence. Just like any of us.
Sang-woo’s greed and giddiness with success lead him to steal money from clients and bet it on the stock market. In desperation, he uses his mother’s little shop as financial collateral. This act of deceit spirals Sang-woo into further run-ins with the law.
Once Sang-woo joins the game, we see his transformation accelerate.
He evolves from a calm, caring man into a brutal opportunist.
In his final act of transformation, he shockingly betrays a kind-hearted contestant. This makes you lose all support for Sang-woo to win the game.
Sang-woo’s decline reminded me that life is hardly linear. Life is rarely set in stone with change as the only constant. As we look towards ‘change’ in terms of happier emotional states or ‘even better’ material possessions, we must remember that change is a double-edged sword.
A state can change for better or worse — we cannot be sure.
A balanced mind unshaken by the eight worldly winds will bring the greatest peace and clarity in times of trouble and happiness. Otherwise, we may be unprepared for the red and green lights that lie await us.
Red light, Green light. Staying Present
The first game that contestants play is the Red Light, Green Light game. Contestants have to cross the finishing line within five minutes. They can only move when the doll signals a ‘Green Light’. If the contestants move when it is a red light (which can happen suddenly), they lose (die).
The contestants stay still as the doll shows ‘Red Light’. Those who move are eliminated. Credits: Netflix
From watching all that running, my Dhamma takeaway was that everyone has their own pace in life.
Those who know their pace and stay present win the game (mostly). The person who hastily runs towards the line, despite the red light, faces elimination. Those frozen with fear also lose the game. In essence: move too slow or too fast? You lose.
Knowing your own pace and ability to pause is crucial in winning the game and the game of life.
Reflecting deeper, some contestants do try their best at the game but still lose. This part reminded me of the times when we did our best to follow the ‘rules of life’ such as working hard or eating healthily to live a good long life. We may think we have it sorted, the green and red lights of our lives.
However, life is uncertain. Our hard work turns into a missed promotion. Our healthy lifestyle can still result in early-stage cancer.
Reflecting thus, the game was a reminder that there is sometimes no visible order to the world. No ‘order’ to the way we want it to be. It is better to stay present and treasure life as we never know when we will face a sudden ‘red light’ in our lives.
The three forms of intoxicants (youth, health, and life) make us think the green light will go on and on and on. We must remind ourselves not only to constantly go at our pace but also to not get kidnapped by a false sense of security that we know it all.
Once we win the game at our own pace, would we know the difference between happiness and excitement?
The Doll that decides the green and red light. Photo Credits: Netflix
Happiness vs Excitement
What happens when you have all the material wealth you ever wanted? What happens next?
These questions form quite a bizarre future for us to grapple with, especially in the workforce where we work towards the idea of financial freedom. What’s next?
The show replies to this existential question through the character of ‘The Host’.
The Host created the Squid Game, an annual game hosted across different countries, where contestants compete for prize money that grows with elimination by death.
What could drive The Host to commit such a sadistic act?
The Host was in the financial industry and accumulated a lot of wealth. He reached a point where his life had no more excitement.
“Do you know what is the common ground between someone without money and having too much money? Life is just not fun! If you have too much money you can buy, eat and drink as much as you want, but at some point it gets boring. “ – The Host
The Host highlighted that even when he was extremely wealthy, he and his associates (the VIPs) could not find joy in living anymore. Hence, they created the game to get a different level of excitement (from watching people kill one another). This excitement was something they could never get in the material world.
The VIPs (The Host’s associates) who fly in to watch the game Photo Credits: Netflix
The Host confused excitement for happiness — this was another key Dhamma lesson that I took away. I wondered how many times I made the same mistake of taking both as identical.
While going on a Youtube binge can be exciting, I rarely find myself in a happy state after the binge. A question of ‘What now?’ ensues. Happiness is not found. Rather, I find eye bags and regrets on the following day.
So what exactly is the difference?
Excitement relies on external stimuli to drive a temporary surge of positive feelings. Happiness comes from one’s own internal world. Happiness is not reliant on external conditions for its creation or sustenance.
Not knowing the difference, The Host was unable to see the simple joy of loved ones or to grasp the idea of ‘enough’. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness at this character’s view of the world: a world without kindness and only bleak self-interest.
How could The Host have done better?
The Buddha mentions that there are four types of happiness that can be enjoyed by laypeople.
Namely, they are the happiness of ownership, using wealth, debtlessness, and blamelessness.
Regarding wealth, Buddha says ‘It’s when a gentleman uses his legitimate wealth and makes merit with it. When he reflects on this, he’s filled with pleasure and happiness.’
The idea of making merit (beneficial acts towards oneself and others) and of reflecting is crucial for happiness. Think of the last time we gave our money to a person or cause in need, did you notice a smile in your heart? It is such moments of reflection that can be painfully lost if we become jaded with the material world around us.
By learning about Buddha’s four types of happiness, we can make better choices and avoid being taken hostage by the allure of excitement.
Closing Thoughts
Squid Game was a fulfilling series with many moments when you paused either in fear or in shock.
It forced the viewer to think about what kind of person you would be if you were in that situation.
We reflected on the impermanence of our conditions and how we can be ‘indebted’ to them if we were not careful like Sang-woo. We also learnt to go at our own pace in life, walking the Middle Path even when others are going at extreme ends. Lastly, we were forced to ask ourselves: what is the true difference between excitement and happiness in life. Which matters more?
One barely escapes Squid Game, both in the show and on social media. Can we also escape the pitfalls of life that Buddha warns us about?
Wise Steps:
Reminding ourselves that life is full of change keeps us on our toes to never take situations and relationships as permanent
Stay present and learn to let go of grudges because death comes unexpectedly. In this life, whether tomorrow is our green or red light…nobody knows
Recognise the differences between happiness and excitement. The wise know what brings inner joy with little reliance on external conditions
A good way to understand what actually enlightenment is, is to go a little back to the story of the person who was to become the Buddha. Just like many other people, was searching for meaning in life, searching for happiness in life, searching for security in life. Like everyone else, we try and find our security in our material possessions. We still do that, even though we should know better by now.
Many people invested lots of money in the stock market. It all goes and disappears. Some people invest all of their energies in having a family, a good family, but sometimes tragedy strikes that family. Sometimes, people invest all their energies in their work, in their fame. When you look at those headstones, upon death, all that’s left of them are just words. They say: “Were, we now are. As they now are, one day, we will be.”.
So, sometimes, the idea of status and fame, there seems to be just something without a core, something without a true meaning.
The noble search
So, just like many people these days, the person who’s to become the Buddha was searching for something deeper, something meaningful in his life, as we all do. Going to many different teachings, trying many different paths, finding nothing, which had satisfaction. That starts off an understanding about the angst, the underlying pain, the underlying suffering. Even though it might not be exquisite, there’s a sense that there must be something more to life, something deeper to life. Why are we here? Where do we come from? Where do we go?
The stream of the world is always to do more things, it’s always to manage, to control. But the other way is actually to let go, to go within, to be still. Such a difficult thing to do.
What is happiness?
What is happiness? What is the cause of happiness? The law of kamma is actually teaching people about how to be happy. And what is the cause of unhappiness?
Not that happiness and unhappiness descends upon you because of some fate, because of some sort of demon in some sort of heaven realm who always got it in for you. Your happiness and your suffering are under your control.
Don’t go pray to the Buddha to become happy. You’re just wasting your time. Don’t blame him, if you sort of don’t become happy. You got no one to blame, no one to ask favours for. You are in complete control of your destiny. Kamma empowers people.
Anyone can be happy
It doesn’t matter what you have to deal with in life, you can make happiness out of anything. You know, you see these little kids, making a football out of rags, or out of a tin can, they can make happiness out of anything. If they can, why can’t you? It’s up to you. You can make enlightenment out of anything at all.
In the time of the Buddha, some people who were enlightened, they were just poor hunchback street sweepers. You didn’t need to be intelligent to be enlightened. You know why? Because you just needed to let go, to love, to give, to be free. You didn’t need much. In fact, the more you have, the more difficult it was to let go. The meaning of life, is to know, to learn, to understand not the things of the world but understand the things of the heart. The meaning deep inside us. That’s what the Buddha did. Penetrated the deep truths of life. The meaning of life is what enlightenment is all about.
It’s okay to have things. But keep it all balanced. Middle way. Don’t go the way of the world where you just think that amassing possessions, and family to be the be all and end all of life.
What life is all about
There is a spiritual truth to be found out within. There’s enlightenment there, waiting for you. Freedom. Happiness. Bliss that is better than sex. The fulfilment of your own knowledge of the truth, which doesn’t depend on what anyone else says, what’s within any book, which doesn’t challenge other people. One of the signs of enlightenment is you don’t go challenge and say other people are wrong. There’s freedom from all of that. No more pride. No more having to be right. No more worrying of what other people would think of you. No more measuring others. No more measuring yourself. Great freedom of the mind coming from enlightenment.
So this is there for you. This is what life is all about – to find that enlightenment. So this is the internal peace, the freedom of the heart. Enlightenment, find that truth for yourself once and for all. The enlightenment of the Buddha, which led to the enlightenment of so many other beings, and that hasn’t stopped, will not stop, cannot stop. Many more beings will become enlightened, and you are among those beings who would become enlightened, free and happy.
I really mean happy ever after. I know that was a fairytale used to see in the old days, and they went off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. That’s what happens when you’re enlightened go off into the end of samsara. Happy ever after.
