Five Precepts, Eight Precepts: What’s the Real Difference?

Five Precepts, Eight Precepts: What’s the Real Difference?

TLDR: The Five Precepts support ethical daily living, while the Eight Precepts create temporary conditions for deeper practice. One helps you live well in the world, the other helps you step back and study the mind.

Most Buddhists are familiar with the Five Precepts. They form the basic ground for living well with others. Do not harm. Do not steal. Be honest in speech. No sexual misconduct. Avoid intoxicants

These rules support a life where trust, respect and peace can grow. It also enables a mind that settles easily into meditation and stillness

“So, Ānanda, the purpose and benefit of skillful ethics is not having regrets. Joy is the purpose and benefit of not having regrets. Rapture is the purpose and benefit of joy. Tranquility is the purpose and benefit of rapture….. “ Excerpt from AN 11.18

The Eight Precepts feel less familiar. People usually encounter them during retreats or full-moon observance days. 

On first glance they look demanding. No dinner. No entertainment. No perfumes or adornments. No sexual activity. A simple place to sleep. For someone juggling work, family and commitments, the list can feel unrealistic.

But the Eight Precepts were never meant to be long-term burdens for the average lay person. They create a temporary environment where the mind stops running after stimulation. The body settles. The day slows down. 

Patterns that are usually hidden become clear. They are not stricter versions of the Five. They serve a different function altogether. They give practitioners a chance to live like Arahants (enlightened beings)!

To see the difference, it helps to understand what each set is designed for.

The Five Precepts: Support for everyday life

The Buddha gave the Five Precepts as a foundation for lay life. They keep daily interactions clean and prevent the kind of harm that creates guilt or conflict. Someone who keeps them steadily usually feels fewer complications in relationships and fewer moments where they have to repair the consequences of their actions.

The Five are practical. They help a person move through the world without leaving a trail of regret.

A well-known teaching from the Aṅguttara Nikāya reminds practitioners of how precepts support the mind. The Buddha says that when a person reflects on their ethical restraint and sees no transgression, “joy arises, and from joy, rapture arises” (AN 11.1). This is not theory but a reality. Ethical living makes the mind lighter.

Try meditating after scolding or insulting someone, the chances of a good meditation will be very slim.

Let’s Talk About Sex Before Diving Into The Eight Precepts


The Eight Precepts remove the usual noise that surrounds us. They simplify the body, the senses and the environment. This frees up mental energy for observation, stillness, and insight.

Each precept plays a role.

Under the Eight precepts, the 3rd precept changes from avoiding sexual misconduct to avoiding sexual activities. I funnily recalled a Dhamma friend erroneously saying she can’t take the five precepts as her husband will not be happy because of the third precept. 

The third precept, in the context of the five precepts, pushes practitioners to keep loyal relationships and never use sexuality as a weapon. The eight precepts changes that to be chaste for that period of practice.

The Eight Precepts: A change in lifestyle, even if only for a day

Avoiding sexual activities brings the mind away from lust and heavy craving.

Avoiding dinner rests the body (no food coma for evening practice too!)
Avoiding entertainment keeps attention from scattering.
Avoiding adornments removes the pressure to present an image.

Sleeping simply makes waking up easier and steadier.

The Buddha spoke about this kind of simplicity often. In MN 39, he describes the lifestyle of one who trains to reduce excess: modest clothing, simple food, and a mind that moves away from indulgence. The Eight Precepts follow the same logic. They narrow the stream of stimulation so the mind can see itself without interference.

They are not permanent rules for us, the typical layperson. They are short-term conditions for deeper practice.

Why do people take the Eight at all?
 

People choose the Eight Precepts for many reasons.

Some want a break from constant activity.
Some want to observe their habits without distraction.
Some take them during stressful periods to regain balance.
Others take them simply because the heart asks for more space than usual.

Ajahn Chah, the famous meditation master, explained this shift well. In No Ajahn Chah, he said, “If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will have complete peace.” 

Reducing stimulation is one way of letting go a little. The Eight Precepts provide a structure for that release.

What actually happens when people try the Eight

Before taking them, most people worry about the rules. No dinner sounds intimidating. No entertainment sounds dull. Yet when they try it, the experience tends to be different from what they expected.

Hunger rises, then fades.
The mind stops jumping from distraction to distraction.
Sleep becomes lighter and more restful. The morning feels clean.

Without entertainment, the mind’s restlessness becomes obvious. Without adornments or performance, the pressure to impress evaporates. What remains is a quieter form of attention.

The Eight Precepts are about seeing what drives us. They reveal our impatience, vanity, cravings and habits not to shame us, but to help us recognise them. The suttas often describe this as the beginning of insight. In MN 19, the Buddha explains how observing the mind’s movements allows unwholesome thoughts to fade and wholesome ones to grow.

People are often surprised by how quickly this happens. A day of the Eight Precepts can feel longer, fuller, and strangely spacious, even though nothing big happens.

How the Five and Eight Precepts relate to each other

The Five Precepts steady the way we behave with others.
The Eight help us understand the way we behave with ourselves.

The Five are about restraint in the middle of daily life.
The Eight are about stepping back from daily life so we can watch the mind work.

They simply serve different seasons of practice. A person may keep the Five throughout their life and take the Eight once a month, or during retreats, or during challenging periods. Another person may take the Eight only occasionally. Someone else may take them regularly to remind themselves of how simple life can be when cravings ease.

The point is not discipline for its own sake. It is freedom from habits that weigh the mind down.

The Buddha calls the precepts “training rules” (sikkhāpada), not commandments. They are tools. They help us notice and work when taken up willingly.

A way of living more deliberately

For anyone curious about the Eight Precepts, the question is not whether you can do them perfectly. It is whether you want to spend a day living more deliberately than usual. If the answer is yes, the practice will show its benefit.

The Five Precepts make daily life stable. The Eight Precepts show you what the mind does when the world becomes simple.

Both lead toward the same destination described throughout the Nikāyas: the gradual fading of confusion, agitation and regret. When those fall away, the heart becomes light enough to understand the Buddha’s path from the inside.


Wise Steps:

  • Set aside time to try the Eight Precepts for just one day, because treating them as a temporary training rather than a lifelong burden makes the practice realistic for working adults with family and responsibilities.
  • Eat simply and stop after the permitted time. Avoiding dinner is not about punishment but about resting the body and seeing how quickly hunger rises and fades.
  • Cut out entertainment for the day, because once the usual distractions are removed, you can observe just how restless the mind becomes and begin to understand what usually keeps it scattered.

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage

Caveat: This is based on personal learnings and I seek forgiveness for any errors and omissions.

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Jetavana, one of Buddha’s most frequented residences and where many teachings were given

Why go on a Buddhist pilgrimage 

A Buddhist pilgrimage to the 4 holy sites can be a catalyst or accelerant for practice. It is an experiential contemplation of the Buddha’s life and teaching. 

It is an opportunity for us to put time and effort into contemplating and understanding for ourselves what the Buddha was trying to teach and gain clarity on how we want to conduct ourselves in daily life through our body, speech and mind. 

Going on a pilgrimage is skillful when it strengthens Saddhā (confidence in the Buddha and his teachings as a way to end suffering), inspires Sila (our virtue and commitment to be good) and Bhāvanā (refers to meditation that purifies the mind of unwholesome mental states that tie us to samsara). It gives us a sense of urgency towards spiritual practice. 

It is only life changing if you choose to change how you wish to live your life before, during and after a pilgrimage.

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Mahabodhi Temple, Bodhgaya, the place where Buddha attained enlightenment 

When to go on a Buddhist pilgrimage

Peak pilgrimage season is during the winter months of October to March when the weather is cool and dry. 

How to go on a Buddhist pilgrimage 

Set a clear, wholesome purpose. For example: My intention for this upcoming pilgrimage is to reinforce my refuge in Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha; cultivate virtue and insight; dedicate merit to all beings.

Once you set your intention, have a think about how you would like to align your intention with your behavior, speech and mind at least during the pilgrimage. 

Perhaps you would like to make an effort to keep 5 or 8 precepts. 8 precepts are to support renunciation/restraint of sensuous stimulation to create better conditions for a peaceful mind. 

Or perhaps you would prefer to put more effort and intention to soften your heart throughout the trip with the 4 brahmaviharas

– Metta: wish safety and peace to all you meet.

– Karuna: be patient with crowds, discomfort, and others’ needs.

– Mudita: rejoice in others’ devotion and practice.

– Upekkha: meet delays, heat, cold, or disappointment with balance.

It would be good to have a beginner’s humility: arrive not to “collect” places but to be taught by them.

How to prepare for a Buddhist pilgrimage 

Prepare the body 

If you don’t already have a somewhat consistent meditation practice, it would be good to try getting used to the act of meditating. Try different forms of meditation so that you will have a toolbox you can reach into while you are on pilgrimage – be it metta, breath, walking meditation. This is something you can and should do while on pilgrimage. What better way to honour Buddha than practising what he taught while visiting the holy sites. 

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
One of the many benefits of metta meditation is that one would be dear to animals.

On a practical level, one should take supplements to boost your immunity before the trip. You will be exposed to different environmental conditions so it’s good to make sure your body is as healthy as can be. It would also be a good idea to stock up on medication so that you can manage whatever illnesses/symptoms that crop up. 

Prepare the mind 

It would be good to understand the significance of the holy sites that you would be visiting. Ideally, do some research on the holy sites you are going to visit. 

Many suttas begin with “So I have heard. On one occasion the Blessed One was dwelling at Savatthi in Jeta’s Grove, Anathapiṇḍika’s Park…”. Knowing the places and the suttas that were taught at these places really makes the suttas come alive. 

I chanted the Dhammacakkappavattanasutta almost daily for a month leading up to the pilgrimage. 

This allowed me to chant and reflect on the significance of what occurred at Sarnath. The place where Buddha set the wheel of Dhamma in motion. Without Buddha and his teachings, we would wander endlessly in Samsara (endless cycles of rebirth). 

Destined to be born, grow old, get sick and die again and again. It is the place and moment where Buddha taught the Dhamma and a third party (Koṇḍañña, one of Buddha’s first 5 disciples) was able to realise the truth of the Dhamma and find the way out of Samsara. Let the significance of that sink in while you are at Sarnath. 

What to expect while on pilgrimage 

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Happy DAYWA pilgrims with one of our wonderful guides and trip photographer, Champ

Expect the pilgrimage to be an extreme form of practice. Think of it like signing up for a marathon when you’ve never gone for a jog longer than 5km before. So to make this whole endeavor more productive, we’d better do some training beforehand. 

A pilgrimage in India is likely to be a very different experience from our daily life. We will see, smell, hear a lot of things that we are not used to. It is a good time to practice awareness that the world and the people in it move and change in their own way and in their own time. Expecting or wanting them to behave in ways we prefer is what causes us suffering. Bring these learnings home. 

Mindfulness is your friend. Just observe and note everything around you without judging — I like this, I don’t like that. This should’ve been done; that shouldn’t be done. Naturally, you will be exposed to a lot of pleasant, unpleasant and neutral stimuli. This is to be expected if you live in this world. 

On a practical level, you can expect roads to be a bit bumpy/jammed, toileting situations that would not be ideal and beggars that may be waiting at the bus and could follow you all the way to the entrance of the holy site. As good as your intention may be to give out some cash, please do not whip out a wad of cash that may cause you to be mobbed. 

You may try to hand out tips and snacks to beggars discreetly (usually when they’re alone). Or you could look for a reputable charitable institution doing good work in the area and make a donation there as a way to support the community. 

What mental qualities to develop before, during (and most importantly, continuously after) a Buddhist pilgrimage? 

Daily life can be repetitive and fast moving. Because of this, we may repeat the same mistakes again and again without taking the time to reflect on which behaviours we want to let go of and which we want to encourage. Many of us live life on autopilot, without really pausing to reflect on what we do and why we do it. Pilgrimage offers a change of pace and a chance to notice the thought patterns, behaviours, and habits we have become used to for better or for worse. Pause, and reflect: what kind of adjustments do we want to make to our lives. 

Pilgrimage offers a helpful shift in pace. It is often guided by a wise teacher whom you can seek counsel from. And you’ll have plenty of time with well-practiced spiritual friends who can share their experiences and offer a Dhammic perspective.

For example, do you notice any “me first” habits that cause the heart and mind to become constricted? Perhaps the tendency to become impatient with others when they seem to be “in your way.” Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Or is there another way to relate to the world around you that would lead to less unhappiness? Do you notice any unhelpful mental narratives running quietly in the background of your mind? What stories do we tell ourselves that assume the world should be a certain way, or should treat us the way we want it to? Does it? We often compare ourselves with those around us: better, the same, or worse. What does that do to our mind and how we treat others? 

When we begin to notice these habits, the next question naturally arises. If we want to cultivate a mind that is more open, steady and at ease, what qualities should we encourage? The Buddhist tradition offers a helpful framework in the form of the Ten Pāramīs, noble qualities that gradually train the mind towards generosity, wisdom and compassion. They can serve as a practical guide or “gold standard” that we return to when we are unsure how to respond to challenging situations.

If one does not know where to start, one could try to cultivate the Ten Pāramī to gently bring the mind, speech and actions back to wholesome states again and again while on pilgrimage. 

The aim isn’t to beat ourselves up for not being perfect. The aim is to continuously build new patterns that eventually become our habitual response in any given circumstance.

Dana (Generosity):

Generosity begins with letting go of subtle forms of greed and ill will. This might be as simple as allowing someone else to board the bus first even when you are tired and feeling overheated, or choosing not to respond harshly when someone invades your personal space. Each small act of generosity softens the heart.

Sila (Virtue):

Sīla is the foundation that supports all the other qualities. It involves mindfulness in speech, action, and livelihood. On pilgrimage, virtue may be tested through frustration, gossip, or impatience. Upholding Sīla keeps the mind clear and free from regret.

Nekkhamma (Renunciation):

Renunciation does not mean deprivation but a willingness to release selfish desires. It is the choice to step back from constantly seeking comfort, praise, or control. On pilgrimage, Nekkhamma might appear as accepting simpler meals, basic accommodation, or an unexpected change of schedule without resentment.

Panna (Wisdom):

By stepping away from your usual routine, you may have more space to develop wisdom through reflection and observation. We begin to see more clearly which actions lead to peace and which lead to agitation. This understanding grows from direct experience rather than intellectual knowledge.

Viriya (Energy):

This is the effort to keep practising even when familiar habits pull us back into distraction or complacency. Feeling frustrated? Notice how complaining, whether internally or to others, darkens the mind. Feeling uncomfortable? It can be a good opportunity to observe how quickly we try to escape discomfort through temporary distractions such as checking our phone. You might experiment with restraining urges to shop, scroll, or daydream about food back home. Viriya is the quiet determination to return again and again to mindfulness, kindness, and clarity.

Khanti (Patience):

The qualities listed above can seem almost impossible to cultivate at times. This is where patience and forbearance become important. Khanti is the willingness to forgive yourself and try again and again, patiently finding ways to keep the mind clear and wholesome in a sustainable way.

Sacca (Truthfulness):

Honesty and integrity with yourself help you explore where your discomfort is really coming from. It is common to focus on things in the outer world that appear to be causing our suffering. Sacca gently turns our attention inward to understand what is actually giving rise to our unhappiness and how we might respond more wisely.

Adhitthana (Determination):

Determination is the quiet resolve to stay aligned with what you know to be wholesome. Pilgrimage can bring tiredness, discomfort, or moments where old habits resurface. Adhiṭṭhāna is the steady commitment to continue cultivating generosity, patience, and mindfulness even when it feels inconvenient. It is not a rigid stubbornness, but a calm decision to keep walking the path.

Metta (Loving kindness):

Loving kindness is the wish for oneself and others to be well and free from suffering. During pilgrimage you will encounter many different personalities, including those who may move more slowly than you would like, speak loudly, or behave in ways that trigger irritation. These moments can become opportunities to soften the heart and extend goodwill instead of resentment. Even silently wishing others well can gently shift the state of the mind.

Upekkha (Equanimity):

Equanimity is the ability to remain balanced in the face of pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Pilgrimage will bring moments of joy, inspiration, fatigue, and inconvenience. Upekkhā reminds us that these experiences arise and pass according to causes and conditions. By learning not to cling too tightly to pleasant moments or resist unpleasant ones, the mind becomes more steady and peaceful.

It may seem like a tall order to develop all these qualities at once, especially under unfamiliar or challenging circumstances. Instead, you might set small and achievable intentions each morning to keep in mind throughout the day. For example, “May I open my heart to opportunities to be generous with others today.”

Remember not to be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Slip ups are simply data points to reflect on. Rather than avoiding or judging them, we can learn from them and try again with a little more understanding the next time.

And most importantly, remember to carry these learnings back home and continue incorporating these positive changes into your daily life. 

Suggested simple routine at a holy site

Arrival: three bows; short recollection of the Buddha. 

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Chanting (if that’s something you enjoy and if it helps to calm the mind)

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Sit 20 to 30 minutes (longer if you have the time)

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Walk circumambulation (honouring the triple gem with our bodies by walking around a holy site), clockwise, mindfully (three rounds)

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Make an offering, resolve one wholesome change you will carry home

Dedicate merit: “May all beings be happy; may this goodness support liberation for all.”

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Make any spiritual aspirations you may have before you leave

Offerings you can make on pilgrimage

The greatest offering you can make to the Buddha would be paṭipattipūjā — an offering of practice.

In the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta, when people were worried about how to honour the Buddha after his passing, he made it plain that those who practise the Dhamma, who live in accordance with it, are the ones who truly honour and revere the Tathāgata. Not by ritual alone, but by transforming greed, hatred, and delusion in their own hearts.

What this means on pilgrimage is simple, but not easy. Bowing at Bodhgaya matters. Circumambulating stupas matters. Chanting matters. 

But the deepest offering you can make at these places is restraint when irritation arises, kindness when fatigue sets in, mindfulness when the mind wants comfort, and patience when things do not go your way.

If you return home unchanged, the offering was mostly symbolic. If you return with even a small shift in how you speak, act, or relate to suffering, then the pilgrimage has already borne fruit.

Nevertheless, please offer flowers, candles, incense and robes as and when the opportunity arises at the holy site to brighten the mind and gladden the heart.

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
We had the beautiful opportunity to offer flowers at Buddha’s kuti at Jetavana as a group.

Things to bring (amongst the regular things you bring on holiday)

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Remember, temperature can be subjective. It is a good idea to err on the side of caution and pack clothing you can layer

Bring basic medication. This includes painkillers, diarrhoea medication, rehydration salts, flu medicine, and anything you regularly take. Pharmacies are not easily accessible near some holy sites, they may also not carry the medication you require. 

Bring mosquito repellent and itch relief cream. Mosquitoes can be persistent, especially in the evenings, and bites can become infected if scratched repeatedly.

Bring sunscreen, a hat, umbrella, and light long-sleeved clothing. The UV exposure is intense, even on cooler days, and prolonged exposure to the sun will sap your energy quickly. 

Bring wet wipes, hand sanitiser, and tissues. Toileting conditions may be basic, and having your own supplies makes a significant difference to comfort and hygiene. 

Bring comfortable footwear with good grip. You will be on your feet far more than you expect, often on uneven or dusty ground. You may have to take off your footwear at some of the holy sites so sturdy sandals may make sense.

Bring your meditation gear and perhaps a Dhamma book or two. 

Pilgrims tend to wear comfortable & modest white tops and dark pants.

Things to take note of

Do not underestimate the physical conditions. Heat, cold, dust, long walks, and uneven terrain will wear you down quickly if you assume you can “power through”. Overconfidence usually leads to sickness halfway through the trip.

Do not drink tap water or consume unsealed drinks, even if locals do. Stick to bottled water and check that the seal is intact. Avoid ice, full stop. 

Do not eat raw or unpeeled fruits and vegetables. As tempting as fresh fruit may look, food poisoning can derail the entire pilgrimage. Understand you may need your fiber, so banana or mandarins that you can peel yourself would be a reasonable choice. Choose hot, freshly cooked food whenever possible.

Do not carry large amounts of cash in one place or take it out openly. Crowded areas attract attention. Use small denominations and keep money distributed across different pockets or bags.

Do not skip rest or ignore early signs of illness. A sore throat, stomach discomfort, or fever should be addressed early with medication and hydration. Pushing on stubbornly often leads to days lost to recovery.

After returning

Integrate one concrete habit: daily morning sitting, weekly 8 precepts, regular acts of generosity. Let the pilgrimage change your life, not just your photo album.

Recommit and align your life to the Dhamma as a lay practitioner

Find a community near you that can support your practice

Recollect often moments during the pilgrimage that were wholesome and brought joy. Let these memories skilfully brighten the mind and motivate you to keep practicing 

Conclusion

A pilgrimage does not awaken us by itself. It simply places us in conditions where practice becomes unavoidable.

If you walk these holy sites with intention, care, and humility, the journey continues long after you return home.

What matters most is not where you went, but how you now choose to live. May you grow in wisdom on your journey.

FAQs for a Buddhist Pilgrimage
Mahaparinibanna Temple, Kushinagar

Other useful resources:

Some chanting resources

https://www.peacebeyondsuffering.org/chanting-04.html

https://www.watpahnanachat.org/chanting

Setting Rolling the Wheel of Truth (Dhamma-cakka-ppavattana-sutta) at Sarnarth

https://suttacentral.net/sn56.11/en/sujato?lang=en&layout=plain&reference=none&notes=sidenotes&highlight=true&script=latin

The Not-self Characteristic (Anatta-lakkhana-sutta)

https://suttacentral.net/sn22.59/en/sujato?lang=en&layout=plain&reference=none&notes=sidenotes&highlight=true&script=latin

The Fire Sermon (Aditta-pariyaya-sutta)

https://suttacentral.net/sn35.28/en/sujato?lang=en&layout=plain&reference=none&notes=sidenotes&highlight=true&script=latin

Buddha’s Extinguishment (Mahaparinibbana sutta) at Kushinara

https://suttacentral.net/dn16/en/sujato?lang=en&layout=plain&reference=none&notes=sidenotes&highlight=true&script=latin

The Life of Buddha (Between The Lines: An analytical appreciation of the Buddha’s Life by Sylvia Bay)

https://www.buddhistelibrary.org/en/thumbnails.php?album=149

Why Struggling With the Precepts Isn’t a Failure

Why Struggling With the Precepts Isn’t a Failure

TLDR:

The Five Precepts are meant to guide us toward a peaceful, guilt‑free life. Some days I feel great (at the point of writing my last article), and some days I don’t (some time after writing my last article). Here is my experience in navigating the occasional weight of the precepts and how I am managing it.

When the Practice Feels Heavy

After having a little taste of the joy of virtues, I locked in. I wanted more; I wanted to be better. I got frustrated and critical about everything I did “wrong.” I started overanalysing every flaw and pushing myself too hard to be perfect.

Before long, the joy drained away. Instead of uplifting me, my self-criticism was weighing me down. I made the common mistake of judging myself by the Five Precepts and feeling like I didn’t measure up.

The Inner Critic Is Not Your Friend

One learning over the past few months is that perfectionism is a quick and dirty way to create doubt about my own goodness. The moment I slip, maybe I say something unkind, the mind quickly reacts and latches onto the mistake. It pounces: 

“You were supposed to avoid harmful speech, so why did you say that?” The inner critic, under the guise of “trying to help”, makes me doubt my capacity for goodness and change.

Life does not make it easier. The world moves quickly, too quickly for my mindfulness on some days. Stress piles up, one thing after another: too little sleep, work deadlines squeezed into impossible corners, customer service errors making things worse and criticism from a loved one. 

On days like that, my battery runs flat, and I notice myself reacting more sharply than I wish to. The inner critic whispers: “Maybe you’re not good enough for the practice… You only manage it when it’s convenient and life feels easy.”

Relooking for Joy in the Precepts

Why Struggling With the Precepts Isn’t a Failure

So, when I start spiralling regarding my shortcomings and joy is scarce, patience and consistency are unlikely to follow. 

This is when practice may grind to a halt. When you find yourself not enjoying the process, it’s time to step back and see what is hindering your joy. For me, taking that step back revealed certain unhelpful thought patterns and self-limiting beliefs.

One way I try to remove self-limiting beliefs is by discerning which thoughts are useful and which are not useful for progress. I do not have control over what thoughts pop into my head, but I can decide whether to give them my attention. Why believe them all, especially the unhelpful ones?

Lord Buddha, before he was enlightened, noticed the kinds of thoughts that came up in his mind. He saw that unwholesome thoughts cause harm to himself and others, while wholesome thoughts do not. 

Thus, he made a habit of letting go of unwholesome thoughts and encouraging wholesome ones. As Buddha advised in MN 19: Bhikkhus (monks), “Whatever a mendicant (monk) frequently thinks about and considers becomes their heart’s inclination.” In the same way, I can watch my thoughts and ask whether they are helping or harming my motivation to grow in virtue. 

The more often I ask this question, the more aware I become of which thoughts deserve to be nurtured and which can be let go.

You Are Not Your Worst Moments

Why Struggling With the Precepts Isn’t a Failure

What’s also helped is changing the label. It’s hard not to feel impatient if I’m hot, sweaty, stuck in a queue, being jostled, and assaulted by an array of body odours and unpleasant sounds. Stop labelling yourself, label the thought or feeling instead. Instead of “I’m impatient,” I say “Impatience is here.” It’s not who I am; it’s just passing through. 

Think of it like a passing weather pattern. It isn’t “I am rain”, it is “rain is here”. Rain will come, stay for a while and cease. Don’t personalise it. The same goes for jealousy, irritation, or whatever emotion surges through in the moment.

The feeling will come, stay for a while and cease. When you stop equating yourself with your worst moment, space for choice opens. The choice to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and to remember that you are not your negative thoughts and feelings.

Small Wins with Big Shifts

Developing confidence comes from not discarding the 5 Precepts when I ‘fail.’ Each time I act with integrity, however small, it’s proof that I can rise above my defilements. That is what truly builds confidence. 

For instance, saying “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t manage my time properly” instead of “Sorry I’m late, traffic was bad”. Something within shifts. I realise that I’m not perfect, yet there is goodness in me that I can grow.

It reminds me that personal growth is built from countless small moments of choosing what is right, even after setbacks. If I want to be honest, I must keep speaking the truth repeatedly until it flows naturally from within. Temptation (from fear, habit, etc) will arise, but with practice, I become wiser at not falling for it.

When keeping the 5 Precepts feels like a chore, remember to recollect and celebrate your goodness. Motivation and consistency need fuel. Acknowledging even small acts of kindness or restraint helps keep the heart light. 

Most days, doing a sharing of merit chant at the end of the day helps me to bring to mind all the goodness I have done or tried to do through the day. Buddha also taught Silanussati—meditation on one’s virtues—as a way to brighten the mind. 

On “bad” days, I remind myself that the Buddha spent 45 years teaching the Dhamma because he saw that beings, including human beings, can overcome their defilements and awaken. If overcoming defilements were not possible for us regular folk, he would have simply “awakened and chilled.” You and I are good enough for the practice. 

Struggles are not Failures

Struggles in keeping the 5 Precepts aren’t signs of failure. They show us where to grow. They’re data points – what have I done well, what can I do better in the future. The task isn’t to never stumble, but to get up each time with more self clarity instead of self criticism. 

And through it all, remember that joy is part of the path; without it, our efforts soon run dry. Let virtue be your motivation as much as your goal. 

Doing some chanting recently was a good reminder to myself: 

Silena Sugatim Yanti (Virtue is the source of happiness)

Silena Bhogasampada (Virtue is the source of true wealth) 

Silena Nibbutim Yanti (Virtue is the source of peacefulness)

Tasma Silam Visodhaye (Therefore let virtue be purified)


Wise steps

  1. Catch the Inner Critic Early: Notice when perfectionism turns the Precepts into self-punishment. Pause, breathe, and remember the purpose of the Precepts is to guide, not condemn.
  2. Label the Experience, Not the Self: Replace “I am bad” with “A difficult feeling is here.” This creates space between who you are and what you are experiencing, allowing kinder choices.
  3. Reinforce Integrity Through Small Wins: Value even the smallest acts of honesty, kindness, and restraint. They are the building blocks of confidence and the proof of your capacity to grow in virtue.
Ep 61: How I Built a $200M Business Without Crossing These 5 Lines ft. Ying Cong

Ep 61: How I Built a $200M Business Without Crossing These 5 Lines ft. Ying Cong

https://youtu.be/-Uxw9ivl8Tw


Summary

What happens when a startup founder takes Buddhist precepts seriously — not just in meditation halls, but in high-pressure boardrooms and tough layoff conversations? In this candid episode, we speak with Ying Cong, co-founder of Glints, on what it means to lead a company without losing yourself. He shares how his practice of the Dhamma has shaped everything from how he hires and manages people, to how he navigates co-founder conflict and difficult decisions — all while trying to be firm in kindness.


About the Speaker

👤 Ying Cong is a long-time meditator and the co-founder of Glints, a leading career platform in Southeast Asia. Over the past decade, he helped scale the company from an idea incubated by JFDI to a regional startup featured in major publications like The Straits Times and Yahoo News. As Glints’ former CTO and current machine learning engineer, he has worked on recommender systems, fraud detection, and data infrastructure—though he jokes that most of it is just “glorified data cleaning.”

His Dhamma journey began in his teenage years and continues to deepen through regular meditation, observing the precepts, and periods of monastic training in the Thai forest tradition. He is quietly exploring how to balance the responsibilities of lay life with the path of practice.


Key Takeaways

Holding the five precepts builds deep trust

While startup life often celebrates “hustle at all costs,” Ying Cong stuck to his precepts — even when pitching investors. Over time, however, this radical transparency became a strength. Colleagues began to trust him deeply, even sharing difficult truths others couldn’t access.

Culture is shaped by how you show up, not what you say

From hiring to meetings, people look to the leader to understand what’s “normal.” When Ying Cong opened up about uncertainty and shared his misgivings, others followed suit. But when leaders modelled secrecy or pure task-focus, people shut down.

Every employee is carrying something

After managing 40–50 people over 11 years, Ying Cong observed something simple yet powerful: “Everyone is suffering, to some extent. The only question is how much they show you.” Being present and listening with care — not just for what’s said, but for what’s held back — often reveals what’s really going on beneath performance issues or disengagement.

Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Cheryl: Has there ever been a moment in your career where you were not able to hold your five precepts?

[00:00:06] Ying Cong: No. No. It’s been, that was my inviolable principles, uh, ever since, uh, I was young. I have, okay, there are situations where I’ve come close.

[00:00:24] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast, a Southeast Asian platform sharing Buddhist wisdom for happier life. My name is Cheryl, the host for today’s podcast, and my guest today is Ying Cong, who is the co-founder of Glints recruitment platform that has expanded to eight markets.

[00:00:46] Cheryl: I just wanted to catch on a word that you said, you know, treating people, uh, your team like a family.

[00:00:50] Ying Cong: Mm-hmm.

[00:00:51] Cheryl: Right. In one of your articles you wrote about how you always struggled a little bit about personal boundaries.

[00:00:59] Ying Cong: Ah, yeah.

[00:01:00] Cheryl: So, like, you know, you are friendly with everyone, but you also don’t want to be too close.

[00:01:04] Ying Cong: Yes. Yeah.

[00:01:05] Cheryl: How did that work with treating everyone as family?

[00:01:09] Ying Cong: I’ve since stopped adopting that lens, uh, when it comes to colleagues and you treat your employees as family, um, there’s a lot of unspoken assumptions around that. So one of it is that they will never, never leave you. Right? And, and in this lifetime at least they’ll stick to you through, uh, thick and thin and also vice versa.

[00:01:31] Ying Cong: You will never abandon them. Hmm. But it’s just not realistic in a company, right? People do, uh, underperform for various reasons. Sometimes they perform very well in the first few years, and then their motivation shift or the job scope change. In a startup, you’re always changing. You’re growing, right, and the roles expand very quickly.

[00:01:48] Ying Cong: And it does come to a point where even the people that you cherish the most, sometimes they can’t live up to the job scope or you can’t live up to their expectations and you have to have that conversation to leave. When I was treating my employees as family, um, those conversations were much harder.

[00:02:05] Ying Cong: I tend to avoid them, um, because who would ever fire your own brother or sister? It’s like, it’s very heartless thing to do, right?

[00:02:12] Ying Cong: Yeah. Yeah. But then when in a company setting, actually the more heartless thing to do is to let them to continue to underperform in a role where, you know, they’re no longer suited for. Because their self esteem will start taking a hit. And the company doesn’t benefit from it.

[00:02:28] Ying Cong: And you also, um, compromise on the other employees who depend on them. Yeah, so, so I started to draw that boundary, like, okay, we treat each other with respect, right? We also build that relationship at certain times where we are outside of work, but when it comes to work, there’s a clear boundary about, okay, this is what you have to perform, uh, and this is what the company can give to you, right?

[00:02:50] Ying Cong: So you have to make those boundaries, underlying boundaries very clear in your mind, and also when you talk to the employees. Um, but of course the close danger of that is it becomes too transactional.

[00:03:01] Cheryl: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[00:03:02] Ying Cong: It becomes like, oh, you gave me this, I give you that.

[00:03:03] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:03:04] Ying Cong: Right. So it just becomes a balance. You do have to, at some certain moments, you do find that relationships, like during one-on-ones, don’t just talk about work. Mm-hmm. I know some managers do that. They just talk about what, just what you got done, how can I help you to get the next thing done?

[00:03:17] Cheryl: Yep.

[00:03:17] Ying Cong: Right. Um, but the best managers I’ve seen, they are also sensitive to the employees underlying needs.

[00:03:23] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:03:24] Ying Cong: And once you, once you do that, when I’ve been, I, I think I managed maybe close to 40, 50 people on and off across the 11 years. Right. And I, I noticed one thing is that everyone is suffering to a certain extent. Mm. Um, it is just about how much they tell you about it. Mm. Right. Even the happiest and cheeriest employees, the most upbeat ones, there’s always something that’s bothering them.

[00:03:46] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:03:46] Ying Cong: Right. And it can be very obvious things, very immediate thing like, oh, my immediate family member passed away or is having a illness. Or it can be very subtle things, sometimes they just can’t really articulate it. Mm-hmm. Like for a lot of my employees when I was running the Vietnam team, they felt that maybe the strategy wasn’t too clear.

[00:04:04] Ying Cong: Right. But it’s a very underlying feeling and they don’t know what the next direction is for their lives because of this. So there’s some uncertainty.

[00:04:11] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:04:11] Ying Cong: And when you talk to them and you really listen, uh, with your heart then these kind of things start to bubble up.

[00:04:17] Cheryl: Mm. Yeah.

[00:04:17] Ying Cong: Because they will first tell about their work. That’s a very immediate thing. And they’re tell about immediate family life. They’ll tell you about facts. Mm. But you can just see in the way they talk to you where they hesitate a little bit or, um, they have this little bit of holding back about telling you certain things, and that’s when you can sort of pick up, oh, okay, maybe certain things are not going all too well over here.

[00:04:38] Ying Cong: So then you can ask. So you ask them for permission, “I can ask you about this?”, and then they give you permission and you can talk about it.

[00:04:44] Cheryl: Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I, I think, wow, the people under you are very lucky to have you. Someone like you as a manager who really listens and want to understand them in a holistic way. Yes. Yet being firm in being kind. Yeah. Not just nice by showing respect to them.

[00:05:02] Ying Cong: Imagine right when you’re under a lot of pressure from your board or your leaders above you to achieve a certain target. Then if you are not very mindful about it and in what conditions, sometimes you’re not mindful, especially about relation, the softer stuff like, uh, you, you are maybe seen as too soft, if you are too soft to your employees too, and then you are trying to just push that down to the next level, right?

[00:05:24] Ying Cong: But then for me, as part of that whole, you know, journey of transformation, like what the startup journey meant to me, one of the things I also realized is that, you know, that connection that you have people.

[00:05:35] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:05:36] Ying Cong: That is actually what makes me come alive. Mm. No matter how momentary it is, how fleeting it is. Mm. As long as I come in the contact you and there’s a, there’s a personal connection. Mm. Right. That actually makes the day very meaningful to me. Yeah. Yeah. So little things. These are little things. These are little things.

[00:05:51] Cheryl: Yeah. Nice. And how do you translate individual meaning, individual significance to a team or even a regional team?

[00:05:59] Ying Cong: Yeah, that is the difficult part. Um, because you realize things are very difficult to change and the hardest thing to change of all is other people. Even, even though they are working in a hierarchy under you, right? You were hired, uh, they were hired by you. Uh, it is very hard to change people.

[00:06:18] Ying Cong: Right, though, uh, you can influence a certain culture. So the way I look at it is: culture — when you hire people, they usually fall within a certain range. So let’s say, let’s say for me, I do value people who are very open and transparent, who value connection, uh, who are also quite, uh, on the ball about their task, right?

[00:06:40] Ying Cong: So you can break it down into certain sort of knobs that you see, like in a culture. So like transparency, there are cultures that are very transparent and cultures that are very opaque, right. Then being on the ball: there are cultures that are more task-oriented and more relationship-oriented. Mm-hmm.

[00:06:53] Ying Cong: So each of these things that when you hire people, they fall within a certain range. Mm. And then how you act as a leader day to day influences how, where they fall within that range. Mm. Yeah. Because when people come into any certain setting, um, any certain social setting and company is one of them, they tend to look up to the leader to set the tone.

[00:07:13] Cheryl: Yeah.

[00:07:13] Ying Cong: Because they’re not, they, they’re not the ones who founded this company. They don’t know what to, to, to think or to feel yet,

[00:07:19] Cheryl: or what’s acceptable.

[00:07:20] Ying Cong: Or what’s acceptable. Yeah. What’s, what’s the norm. So they look up to the leader for a range of what the norm is as well as their peers. Yeah. So I find that if I model the behavior that I want to see in my employees, where I’m very open about sharing about my misgivings or my feelings or things that I thought about the strategy that I’m not so sure about, then it really opens them up to share also their misgivings.

[00:07:44] Ying Cong: Right. And they become more vulnerable at the same time. I also seen it the other way around when we hire new leaders and these leaders have a very different setting from me. Right. More task-oriented, a little bit more opaque. Right. And then people start to clam up.

[00:07:57] Cheryl: Right.

[00:07:58] Ying Cong: They’ll be more efficient in the short term, but they’ll clam up in the long run. And, and so it is really, it does come down from the leader. The leader, how you model your behavior in meetings, in all your interactions. It will trickle down, uh, to the, to the whole employee base after, after a certain time.

[00:08:13] Cheryl: But do you ever run into the, I guess, hiring fallacy of hiring people that are more like you? Mm, yeah. Yes. And yeah. Then how do you counter that? For example, you know, you are giving the example of the leader who was very different.

[00:08:26] Ying Cong: Yes, yes.

[00:08:27] Cheryl: But I’m sure he also brings with him a lot of benefit.

[00:08:30] Ying Cong: That’s right. That’s right. That’s right.

[00:08:31] Cheryl: How you maintain that, right?

[00:08:32] Ying Cong: That is, that is one of the difficult part about… like you can never be perfect. So there’s a reason why we hired that leader and he’s still with us, and because he’s making impact in a certain way. The problem… yeah, we made the problem in the beginning.

[00:08:46] Ying Cong: We hire a lot of people who are very, uh, friendly, very warm. And, uh, a a flip side of that is that you tend to not address fundamental problems in the company so head-on.

[00:09:00] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:09:00] Ying Cong: Yeah. So, yeah. So we brought on this leader because, uh, he was a good contrast to us. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He could, right in the first interview and the first meeting, he really made it very clear to employee base, okay, these are the problems that I see in the company that I feel we have to address.

[00:09:14] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:09:15] Ying Cong: Right? But then the balance that he need to strike is that he has to abide by certain inviolable principles that you want to have as a company. So one of the inviolable principles that we realize that we want to have, because there are people who violated them, is that you want to do this in a constructive spirit. Do it in the spirit of “let’s build this back together”.

[00:09:35] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:09:35] Ying Cong: Because we have hired leaders who also have that critical mindset, very objective, but they have the mindset of, oh, “everyone in the past they did a bad job.” Mm-hmm. Right? “Let me take this all down. And I do it my own way.” Right. It is not a collaborative, constructive, “build this together” kind of mindset.

[00:09:52] Ying Cong: And that’s caused a tremendous amount of damage in the culture, in the business. Yeah. So to answer your question, to summarize it very succinctly, right, is you want to have a base of inviolable principles, sort of like a, in Buddhism we have the five precepts that are inviolable. Yeah. Right. The foundation.

[00:10:10] Ying Cong: But then above that base you can have very different configurations and that gives you contrast and that gives you diversity as a leadership team. Yeah.

[00:10:19] Cheryl: Beautiful. One very interesting thing that I want to ask you: has there ever been a moment in your career where you were not able to hold your five precepts?

[00:10:29] Ying Cong: No. No. It’s been, that was my inviolable principles, uh, ever since, uh, I, I was young. I have… okay, there are situations where I’ve come close.

[00:10:42] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:42] Ying Cong: And usually the principle about not lying.

[00:10:45] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:10:46] Ying Cong: There’s the principle that we are taught not to lie, but actually if you read the sutta more closely, actually there’s some variations of it where there’s stronger forms of it, where you don’t even tell white lies or you don’t embellish the truth and you try not to, you don’t gossip also.

[00:11:02] Ying Cong: Right. Nothing that’s divisive. So I come close to that when you have to pitch to investors and, and I, I made a mistake where I was sharing too openly about all the problems in the company. I remember there was this one investor meeting where my co-founder brought me and they were pitching AI, yeah, as one of the, uh, one of the value propositions or the competitive advantages of Glints, and then I just came into the meeting and this investor asked me, “Hey, so how’s the AI?” Then I say, “Oh, not very good yet. Still a lot of things to work on. Very basic at the moment.”

[00:11:36] Cheryl: Oh no.

[00:11:38] Ying Cong: Then my co-founder like, just face palm silently in the back and after the meeting he told me, “Hey, can you don’t do that or not? Doesn’t help my case at all.” The investors did join, uh, still invested eventually because of other reasons. Yeah. So I had to learn to manage that.

[00:11:56] Ying Cong: Right. So I still… but I still hold my line. I wouldn’t tell a, an explicit lie. Mm. But I would see the situation and actually the Buddha did talk about this, like, what’s the right thing to say at the right time?

[00:12:07] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:12:07] Ying Cong: Right. So I, I know that wasn’t very helpful to my co-founder at, at the very least. Right. So I, I learned that there are many ways you can present the facts that’s still being truthful.

[00:12:18] Ying Cong: Right. But it’s more aligned to what this, what the situation cause for. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. So, so I learned in, in certain meetings I would say, uh, when you ask about the situation of the AI, I tell them, “okay, this is the current foundation that we are building and this is where we, we feel like we can get to. And this, uh, this is a roadmap to getting there.”

[00:12:36] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:12:36] Ying Cong: Instead of just being saying, “oh, we’re not there. It’s very basic.”

[00:12:39] Cheryl: Yeah. It is about packaging the truth in a way that’s beneficial for yourself and others. Yes. It’s a very difficult, um, thing to balance, especially when there’s so much pressure to, to get some investors money and, and all that.

[00:12:55] Ying Cong: Correct. Correct. Correct, correct, correct.

[00:12:56] Cheryl: But have you seen how the five precepts protected you in the workplace?

[00:13:02] Ying Cong: Yeah, it’s protected me in other ways. I think the biggest one is when you are consistently truthful, and when sometimes to your own detriment, then people will trust you actually.

[00:13:14] Ying Cong: Mm, yeah. People will trust you. So the people in my company know me as like the principal who, who was a monk before. And, and they do trust me with very, uh, some very personal sharings.

[00:13:27] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:13:27] Ying Cong: Because they know that I always tell them, I always share the truth, even when it’s ugly from the management team or the leadership team, from a strategy perspective.

[00:13:37] Ying Cong: I tell them, okay, this is what exactly is difficult for the next phase that we are going into. I still remember, um, this, this also during the COVID period, uh, where we have eventually to, to lay off, uh, a portion of employee base in order to save the company. PR/ marketing team person, she wanted me to lead that message first, right?

[00:14:00] Ying Cong: Because in the past, uh, we, we had slightly different, slightly different approaches like with me and my co-founder, my CEO. So he’s more polished, right? Mm-hmm. You try to frame the message in a way that’s palatable, um, easy to digest for the employee base. So in the past, for example, the PR crisis, you try to frame it in a way that saying that, okay, yeah, we stand strong.

[00:14:21] Ying Cong: It wouldn’t affect us so much. But then my approach was slightly different and I was like, okay, this is exactly what happened. This is exactly what we screwed up and this is what we can do better. Mm-hmm. Right? And I find employees over time, they, they respond to the second way better. Mm-hmm.

[00:14:37] Ying Cong: Right? Um, when you, when you treat them as intelligent human beings, they also respond in kind. They’ll see you as someone trustworthy. Right. So, so yes, it is helped me in that way. So we find that many times right when employees leave us, it is not because, the company was going through difficult times.

[00:14:54] Ying Cong: Mm. It’s because when we go through difficult times and we didn’t tell them the whole truth. Mm. Then that’s when they felt like the trust has been broken. Yeah. There was a period in time when our, after our Series A, uh, before our Series A, we were running out of cash. We were actually down to two months of payroll and it was a team of 15 people.

[00:15:10] Ying Cong: And we sat him around the table and we, I, I… and we told them very, very honestly. We only have two months of payroll left. We’re not sure whether we can close this next round.

[00:15:20] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:21] Ying Cong: But if you want to leave, you can. We are, we can leave on good terms. We can pay you the last two months of pay.

[00:15:27] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:28] Ying Cong: And then everyone stayed. Mm-hmm. Everyone stayed for that. The reason because we were honest and, and they wanted, they wanted to stick through to see what happened next. Mm-hmm. But then there were periods where we were less than honest, less than open about what’s going on in the company.

[00:15:41] Ying Cong: Like a leader left, right, because of some mismanagement on our part. And we didn’t tell them the full truth. We told them, oh, this person left because of their personal reasons. Mm. And people just immediately after the announcement come ask me, “Hey, is that true or not?”

[00:15:56] Cheryl: They know you will tell the truth.

[00:15:57] Ying Cong: “Tell me the real truth.” So I tell them.

[00:16:03] Cheryl: But can you also tell me about the biggest disagreement that you’ve had with your co-founders and how did you use Buddhist principles to overcome that?

[00:16:12] Ying Cong: The biggest one, the hardest one was when our third co-founder, uh, left us, we split. So we started off with three co-founders and we ran it for five years, and then we, around the fourth to fifth year, my current CEO, Oswald, and this co-founder who left, they started having major disagreements around vision, right? Where the company should go. That’s the biggest one, but also the underlying one that has been pegging them is difference in philosophy.

[00:16:44] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:16:45] Ying Cong: Um, this other co-founder who left, he was more process-driven. He’s much more about being very scrappy and going for quick wins. Right. Whereas Oswald, he’s about the bigger vision, where we can go in the long run and let’s not do things just for this small quick win in the short run. Yeah. And it is both perfectly valid, right. Um, both have very valid approaches.

[00:17:06] Cheryl: And what was your philosophy?

[00:17:08] Ying Cong: Me. Back then I was just interested in building the tech. Mm. Right. So I was like the neutral third party. Sometimes I come in to try to manage it, but unwillingly, begrudgingly. Uh, so I was also caught in between both of them.

[00:17:19] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:17:19] Ying Cong: Right. Uh, but this was building up for quite some time already. Even when we first —

[00:17:23] Cheryl: simmering.

[00:17:23] Ying Cong: Yeah. Just simmering in background, you know. When we first started the company, we already knew there were some differences, but we didn’t, we thought, okay, you can, people are really like, you can, you know, just be resolved over time.

[00:17:32] Ying Cong: So we just started building and building and building until eventually there was this, uh, internship business where we are helping polytechnics do internship trips to Jakarta, to different Southeast Asian markets. And we were charging for that. It was doing a good, a good amount of, uh, cash flow but that was it. They can’t, the business, you know, is not scalable. It cannot grow.

[00:17:54] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:17:54] Ying Cong: So this co-founder, like who eventually left right, he wanted to keep growing, growing that, trying to keep pushing and putting more resources in it. Um, but Oswald and I saw that, okay, maybe it, it’s quite clear this can’t scale, um, but we avoided a conversation for a while. Um, we just skirted around it and say, Hey, can you, yeah, this, there’s this problem, but you just keep running and see where you can go.

[00:18:16] Ying Cong: And then eventually the, the truth was very obvious. It can’t, it can’t grow anymore and we have to, uh, shut it down in order to grow this other part of business, which is more promising.

[00:18:25] Ying Cong: And it became very personal because this was his idea, this was his baby, and it was like him versus us, kind of a dynamic, uh, at the very end. So there, there came a point where we felt like, eventually Oswald and him couldn’t work together anymore. And now I was caught in between and they asked me to decide, oh, what should next step be?

[00:18:46] Cheryl: Oh no they (push the responsibility) taichi it to you to make the tough decision.

[00:18:48] Ying Cong: Yeah, because I was a neutral third party right. So I was caught in between and I really didn’t know what to do. It was, it was so, such a difficult, I was close friends with, uh, both of them. And then I thought, okay, in such situations, what would the Buddha do?

[00:19:05] Ying Cong: Like what, what would I be taught when I was learning from my teachers in the past? How would they approach this kind of situation? And first of all, what I did was, um, I, I first took away the emotions. Just from a very detached point of view, look at, from the business fundamentals, what’s the path that we will approach.

[00:19:21] Ying Cong: Mm-hmm. Right? And that, that came much more naturally to me because of the meditation practice. You’re always taught to, at a certain point, look at your emotions. Look at feelings from a third person’s point of view. Mm. Okay. Yeah. How much suffering is it causing you? And I was doing that for the business.

[00:19:37] Ying Cong: Mm. Then after I made the business decision, it is around how do you then execute that business decision in a way that’s the most compassionate, uh, to both parties, to everyone involved. And, and, and, and that was the approach I took. So you, you first approach it with wisdom, a little bit more calculated, but with wisdom then you then apply it with, uh, compassion after the decision has been made.

[00:20:01] Ying Cong: Yeah. So that’s the approach I took, I first told everyone, this is the, the cold hard facts, right? We can’t avoid this. This business cannot grow. This is where it’s more promising. Uh, this is where we need to go. Right. And then it was about, uh, approaching with them in the, in the most compassionate way.

[00:20:18] Ying Cong: So it’s like telling the co-founder, “I know that you have built this for this, this amount of time. I know it’s your baby and we acknowledge all the efforts that you put in. Um, but this is why I think we cannot go on any further.” Mm.

[00:20:29] Cheryl: Right.

[00:20:29] Ying Cong: So, and then

[00:20:30] Cheryl: so compassion seems to me, um, is by acknowledging the effort that a person put in. Yeah. Um, and showing a lot of gratitude to the, to what they’ve done and contributed.

[00:20:39] Ying Cong: Correct.

[00:20:39] Cheryl: Anything else?

[00:20:40] Ying Cong: Correct. Correct. I think those two actually go very far already.

[00:20:44] Cheryl: Yeah.

[00:20:44] Ying Cong: Because, I’m not sure, if you have been in the business world for 10 years, you realize that sometimes it is in quite short supply just acknowledging a person’s efforts, being grateful for what they’ve done. Right. Um, and also it’s, and also acknowledging that the friendship between both of you isn’t affected by this decision. Right.

[00:21:03] Cheryl: Is it really though?

[00:21:07] Ying Cong: For me, it was true, like I kept it because a big part of why sometimes people don’t dare to make these kind of decisions about letting people go or shutting down a business is because they are affected. They’re afraid that this person might feel, uh, excluded, right, or left out. And I’ve been on the other, I’ve been on the receiving end too, when I have to, I’ve been informed that my business unit has been shut down.

[00:21:27] Ying Cong: Mm. Right. And the biggest fear that I have is, well, I lose my, uh, my identity in this group where they start to reject me. Will I be, will I be ostracized? Yeah. So that is something that you have to assure, uh, right up front also. Yeah. So this is a part of that connection. You, you start to see these fears when you are open to that person’s, uh, inner, inner thoughts and inner feelings.

[00:21:50] Cheryl: Yeah. Wow. And that really reminds me about a sutta about metta, which is, I think it’s in the Dhammapada. Mm-hmm. Where, you know, all beings just like us, fear death, fear pain. Yes. And only want to be happy. Yeah. Um, I think we will find a quote later and insert it somewhere here. Yeah. Um, but yeah, really being able to see the same fears that you have, um, exist in other people, even in difficult situations.

[00:22:19] Ying Cong: Exactly.

[00:22:19] Cheryl: And speak to that.

[00:22:20] Ying Cong: Exactly. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. For me, one of the biggest change that helped with that empathy right, was when I stood down as a CTO. Uh, and then, uh, I was leading a small team, and then there were, then, now I stood down, stood out that position again from complete management perspective, and I played a individual contributor role. Mm. And from a very conventional perspective, that seems like a demotion.

[00:22:44] Cheryl: Mm. Right.

[00:22:44] Ying Cong: But for me, it would just open up so many perspectives. Now I see things from also an individual contributor’s point of view. Mm. And I can empathize a lot of what the leaders say, how, how it actually affects the employees.

[00:22:55] Ying Cong: Mm. Right. There are a lot of fears that I have as leaders, uh, actually the employees have it by a slightly different form. Right. So, so to me that was very eye-opening, being able to play different roles and then you can see, oh, this is what they, how they felt when I say that, okay, now I’ll approach it differently the next time. Yeah, yeah.

[00:23:12] Cheryl: There’s a massive learning ground when you take on all the different hats without the ego of like, oh, this is demoting me. Correct, correct, correct. I’m co-founder.

[00:23:20] Ying Cong: Can always lean on the co-founder title.

[00:23:25] Cheryl: I’m very inspired by Ying Cong’s sharing and how he applies various aspects of his business from growing a, a team, leading a team and even to navigating disagreements between his co-founders and what I’ll be taking away is to have a giving competition with my friends and my colleagues. So thank you very much Ying Cong for coming on today’s episode. I hope you join us again. So, so to all our listeners, see you in the next episode. Stay happy and wise.


Resources:

Ying Cong’s article on giving: https://handfulofleaves.life/how-seeking-to-balance-everything-nearly-cost-me-my-relationship/


Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee


Editor of this episode:

Aparajita Ghose

Website: aparajitayoga.com


Transcriber of this episode:

Tan Si Jing, Cheryl Cheah, Bernice Bay


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


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Good Friday Reminds Us Virtues are Heroic Acts

Good Friday Reminds Us Virtues are Heroic Acts

TLDR: Good Friday is a time to contemplate more deeply the teachings left to us by Jesus Christ. We look at the parallels between Christianity and Buddhism in the practice of virtues. 

The author is a practising Buddhist who also finds many aspects of the teachings of Jesus Christ inspiring. She writes this article based on her understanding of the parallels between Buddhism and Christianity that does not necessarily reflect the teachings of Jesus or the Buddha. She hopes readers can read with wise discernment.

Good Friday is a time where all Christians observe fasting, penance and contemplate the crucifixion of Jesus. To me (as a Buddhist), Jesus showed us how to carry our crosses (suffering). 

Remembering the iconic image of Christ carrying his cross during difficult times can help soothe one’s heart. Unlike the majority of us, he did not get rid of suffering through impatience or aversion. With great faith, he showed us it is possible to face suffering with forgiveness, patience and love. To me, this is one of the reasons he is so deeply revered. 

Similarly, the Buddha taught us about suffering. He taught us what suffering is, the cause of suffering and how to cease suffering. Patience is a virtue to be cultivated in Buddhism so that we may endure suffering and let it go every time it comes up.

In this post, I would like to celebrate the spirit of Good Friday with the teachings of Christ that have inspired many people in the world. 

Perhaps one of Jesus’ most famous teachings on virtue is that of giving and loving our neighbours as we would love ourselves. The Buddha too taught this in the practice of loving-kindness meditation, where we cultivate a love for ourselves and share it with all beings

The teaching of virtues

Another parallel between Christianity and Buddhism is that Jesus too, taught morality as the Buddha did. Morality helps us cultivate virtues (such as patience, joy, forgiveness and love) in our hearts. 

In one episode of his life, Christ was criticised by the Pharisees for breaking the ancient fathers’ ceremonial tradition of washing hands before eating. 

Jesus replied that whatever enters into a man from the outside (food) cannot defile him because they do not enter the heart but into his stomach and out into the sewer. 

But what comes out of a man’s heart defiles a man. From the hearts of men come evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, covetousness, envy, pride and foolishness. 

Jesus was pointing to us that the crucial thing is to cultivate goodness in our hearts instead of placing our attention on rites and rituals only.

Due to the evil that can emerge from the hearts of men, Jesus taught those who listened not to commit murder, steal, adultery, lie or swear. He encouraged us to love, instead of hate our enemies. 

Similarly, the Buddha taught lay Buddhists not to kill, steal, lie, commit adultery, and not to dull our faculties with intoxicants. It seems to me (personal opinion) that these two great teachers are teaching the laws of nature that apply to everyone, regardless of religion.

Although these moral precepts seem easy on the surface to follow, they are not. We often see the faults in others instead of our faults. One of the famous quotes from Christ, “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but fail to notice the beam in your own eye?” 

Easier to see others’ faults than our own

Jesus was right to say we are eager to see the trivial faults in others while ignoring our massive shortcomings. We often jump to hasty judgments based on our projections. 

Recently, my sister told me that she is cutting down to two meals a day to lose weight. But she still drank protein to stave off hunger. I asked her why she was consuming protein shakes as I thought it is for vegans and those who are weightlifting. She said protein shakes contain 200 calories as opposed to 500 calories from a meal.

I told her that’s still three meals a day and commented that I too took two meals a day but without any meal replacement. She quickly jumped to a conclusion and said, “This is not a competition.” I was surprised as I did not make the comment to compete but rather to clarify that two meals a day meant no meal replacements (if she wanted to lose weight). 

I cannot say that I have not projected my habitual thoughts onto others.

I often make baseless assumptions and have annoyed many people. One of the many assumptions I make is that no one ever listens to what I say and I also assume I know what others are thinking. 

The list of prideful assumptions I make about others is too long to mention here.

Often, we enjoy judging whether others are keeping their morality well instead of perfecting our virtues. Doing this grows our pride instead of virtue.

Human laws do not necessarily follow nature

We look for ways to benefit ourselves in this world and are often encouraged by others. In a recent conversation, a friend said that it is not wrong if she were to take money from the ATM if the person before her forgets to take the money. 

In her view, she is not stealing but merely taking. I would have agreed with her in the past. As a practising Buddhist today, I told her that is stealing because she is aware of taking another’s possession.

I have understood adhering to the precepts as laid out by the Buddha and Christ is for our well-being. It is because natural laws exist and we are not doing it to please the founders of religions. 

Ayya Khema, a late prominent German Buddhist nun asked her students, “What is natural?” She said we often look for natural and organic food. But aren’t we a part of nature as well? We cannot escape the natural laws of birth, decay and death. 

Emotionally, we are also constrained by nature’s laws because when we become extreme in either sadness or happiness, misery follows. We understand that sadness can become depression. Extreme happiness can also bring on a heart attack.

We often praise the intelligence of someone who can lie to get what s/he wants. We are also in awe when someone can cheat the system as featured in movies like Ocean Eleven to self-righteous murders in numerous superhero films. 

Virtues are heroic acts

We admire heroes who save the world. But if we were to closely examine popular violent/action films, to the number of wars fought in our history, the heroes are as responsible as the villains for causing calamities. 

Growing virtues in our hearts is an act of self-denial as opposed to self-aggrandisation. We are always looking for opportunities to grow our pride by increasing our education, wealth, network and possessions.

I am not saying it is wrong to educate or upgrade ourselves in our lives, but rather, we look outwards to grow our pride more than looking inwards to examine our hearts.

Virtues are heroic acts because we need to have the courage to deny the unskillful qualities in our hearts. 

For example, someone who is impatient seldom thinks s/he is wrong and wants to get things done quickly their way. This can cause anger in himself/herself and in those around them.

Being impatient and self-righteous can make it hard to listen to differing opinions and not argue with another. By being patient, we can avoid arguments with another, and reduce the chances of getting angry. By taming our unvirtuous heart, we can become happier and as a result, reduce suffering for ourselves and others.

Conquering our bad habits and cultivating virtue is a heroic act because it is so hard to recognise and admit to our faults as opposed to blaming others for not accepting our views. Virtues are for our well-being and also do not cause harm to others. This is how we can love our neighbours as we love ourselves.

The purpose of developing virtues

The Buddha said that it is not necessary to believe in heaven or hell to practice virtues.1 While alive, virtues can bring joy and make life easier for us. As we do not create suffering for others, they do not cause us much trouble. 

If upon death, we discover heaven and hell do exist, we are safe because having virtues in our hearts is the way to heaven. Cultivating virtues is like buying insurance for the present life and also the afterlife if we are unsure of the existence of heaven and hell.

In Christianity, the existence of heaven and hell is highly emphasised. Jesus taught, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal; lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart will also be.”

Jesus clearly tells us virtues in the heart is a timeless treasure compared to our temporary material possessions. 

Holidays like Christmas, Good Friday and Vesak Day are not just holidays to take a break and be with loved ones but for us to remember the teachings of these two great teachers, the Buddha and Jesus Christ.

Note:

1. Sutta MN 60: “Even if we didn’t speak of the next world, and there weren’t the true statement of those venerable contemplatives & brahmans, this venerable person is still praised in the here-&-now by the observant as a person of good habits & right view”


Wise Steps :

  • We can remember the virtues of patience, forgiveness and love by recollecting Jesus carrying the cross when carrying our own crosses (suffering)
  • Before you criticise another, whether commenting on a politician, celebrity or friend, look at the speck in your eyes.
  • Spend time recollecting your heart every day. Is there anything you have said or done that has made your heart uneasy such as criticising a friend? If you can do something to unburden your heart, do it the next day. If the deed cannot be undone, forgive yourself and those around you to lighten your heart.