TLDR: This article explores the struggle of growing up gay in a conservative society and the conflicting messages from different Buddhist traditions. It highlights the Buddha’s early teachings, which focus not on sexual orientation but on living ethically, with compassion and non-harming.
Growing Up Gay in a Conservative Society
At fourteen, I noticed something different about myself—something society deemed abnormal. I found myself attracted to the same sex. I attended an all-boys’ school where masculinity and heterosexual norms were paramount. Anything even remotely feminine was ridiculed, and being called “gay” meant mockery and marginalisation.
I began my long performance: a straight boy in disguise. It was the only way I felt safe.
There was no one I could trust. Friends, classmates, even my own parents—none offered support. I still remember the sting of hearing my parents comment on the news of a gay DJ who had murdered his ex-boyfriend. “See, gay people are crazy,” they said. “That’s why they end up like this.” Their words pierced deeper than they knew and I was scared of being found out.
With nowhere to turn, I sought solace in religion, hoping for compassion and understanding. Yet even there, I faced rejection. In major faith traditions, homosexuality is often condemned. In certain sects of Traditional Chinese Buddhism, being gay is seen as morally deviant, a karmic transgression.
Renowned masters like Venerable Hsuan Hua had openly declared that homosexuality “plants the seeds that lead to rebirth in the lower realms.” In one of his teachings, he said:
大家要知道，同性戀是違背天地之理，忤逆人倫之惡行。在他們後面都由妖魔鬼怪所慫恿、煽風點火，叫人直奔地獄門。(Everyone must understand that homosexuality goes against the natural order of heaven and earth and is a vile act that defies human ethics. Behind them are demons and evil spirits inciting and fanning the flames, leading people straight to the gates of hell.)
Those words haunted me. (I thankfully found closure on his comments which I will cover at the end of the article).
I bore a heavy burden of guilt and self-doubt, questioning my worth, my sanity, and my right to exist. For years, I silently wrestled with feeling unworthy in the eyes of society and religion. How could I reconcile my faith with who I was? How could I accept myself when everything around me screamed that I was broken?
This is not just my story. It is the story of many others who suffer quietly in the shadows—longing for acceptance, for love, for peace.
Encountering Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda
Perhaps this is exactly what the Buddhist concept of causes and conditions (因缘) is all about. One day, while in search of a Dharma-based perspective on sexual identity—still unconvinced by Venerable Hsuan Hua’s interpretation—I came across the writings of Venerable K. Sri Dhammananda an esteemed Theravāda Buddhist scholar-monk widely revered in Malaysia and Singapore.
His article, titled “A Buddhist View of Homosexuality”, immediately caught my attention. I felt drawn to its perspective, hoping to find a voice of clarity and compassion. One bold line stood out to me:
“There is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex. What is wrong is attachment and slavery to it, on believing that indulgence in sex can bring ultimate happiness.” — Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda (1919–2006)
Reading that, I was overwhelmed. Finally, an affirmation that my sexuality was not something inherently wrong or abnormal. Tears of relief and quiet joy welled up inside me.
Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda offered an insight that was refreshingly non-condemnatory. In essence, he explained that homosexuality—like heterosexuality—arises from ignorance, but it is not “sinful” in the Abrahamic religions’ sense. All forms of sexual desire, regardless of orientation, can increase lust, craving, and attachment to the body. Yet with wisdom, we gradually outgrow these attachments.
The goal of the spiritual path is not to single out or condemn homosexuality, but to transcend all forms of clinging, recognising that they all delay our liberation from Samsāra.
Initially comforting, this balanced and compassionate perspective soon gave way to confusion. I noticed stark divisions among contemporary Buddhist masters. Though some teachers of Traditional Chinese Buddhism take a critical stance on homosexuality, Buddhist scholar Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda emphasises inner transformation over external condemnation.
This left me with a burning question: How do we, as queer Buddhists, navigate such contradictory views within the same spiritual tradition?
Turning to The Historical Buddha
In the face of contradictions among contemporary Buddhist voices, what could be wiser than to return to the earliest sources—to take refuge in the Early Scriptures that contain the voice of the historical Buddha, Gautama, himself?
I embarked on a personal journey into the Early Suttas and Āgamas, with a focus on the Chinese Āgamas (《阿含經》), familiar to me through Chinese-language sources. My goal was to explore within the Chinese Buddhist tradition itself—not relying solely on later interpretive views but delving into the Buddhavacana, the words of the Buddha as preserved in scriptures Chinese Buddhists regard as authoritative.
I turned to the CBETA digital archive of the Taishō Tripiṭaka, accessing the Āgama texts to study what the Buddha had to say about topics like sexual misconduct. While there is a notable silence on LGBTQ-specific issues, what I discovered instead was wisdom and compassion from the Buddha who neither condemns nor excludes, but invites all beings onto the path. In Saṃyukta Āgama (SĀ) 10391:
行諸邪婬，若父母、兄弟、姊妹、夫主、親族，乃至授花鬘者，如是等護，以力強干，不離邪婬。[Engaging in sexual misconduct — if a woman is protected by her father, mother, brother, sister, husband, or relatives, or even one who has simply been offered a flower garland (signifying betrothal), and yet one forcibly violates her — this is not free from sexual misconduct.]
SImilarly, in Saṃyukta Āgama (SĀ) 10442:
我既不喜人侵我妻。他亦不喜。我今云何侵人妻婦。是故受持不他婬戒。(Just as I would not be pleased if someone violated my wife, so too others would not be pleased. How then could I violate another man’s wife? Therefore, I uphold the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.)
Also, in Madhyama Āgama: The Upāsaka Sūtra (MA)3:
復次，舍梨子！白衣聖弟子離邪婬、斷邪婬，彼或有父所護，或母所護，或父母所護，或兄弟所護，或姊妹所護，或婦父母所護，或親親所護，或同姓所護，或為他婦女，有鞭罰恐怖，及有名雇債至華鬘親，不犯如是女。彼於邪淫淨除其心，白衣聖弟子善護行，此第三法。(Furthermore, Śāriputra, a noble white-clad [lay] disciple abstains from sexual misconduct, refrains from it. That means: he does not violate a woman who is protected by her father, or mother, or both parents; or protected by her brother or sister; or by her husband’s family; or by relatives; or of the same clan; or one who is married to another man; or who is subject to punishment, fear of punishment; or one who is in debt; or even one who is bounded by a garland as a sign of engagement or kinship. He does not violate such women. In this way, the noble white-clad [lay] disciple completely purifies his mind with regard to sexual misconduct, skillful in protecting his actions. This is the third practice.)
From various passages in the Āgamas above (the Chinese parallels of the Nikāyas in the Pāli Canon), it becomes evident that laypeople are advised to abstain from sexual relations with “unsuitable partners”—typically defined as underage girls, women who are betrothed or married, and those who have undertaken religious celibacy. This guidance is clear and grounded in harmlessness. It suggests that, in early Buddhism, sexual misconduct is not about sexual orientation, but rather concerns actions that would disrupt families, violate commitments, or cause harm.
Such an understanding aligns closely with the broader Buddhist ethical principle: that which causes suffering to oneself or others is considered unwholesome—or more precisely, unskillful (akauśalya). Viewed in this light, there is no strong doctrinal reason to assume that same-sex relationships, if consensual and non-harmful, should be treated any differently than heterosexual ones.
So, one must ask: why obsess over a layperson’s sexuality or sexual orientation at all? If the Buddha himself is silent on the matter, what does that say about contemporary attempts to moralize sexual orientation among lay followers?
Embracing Who You Are Now Without Harming Yourself Or Others
The early discourses of the historical Buddha make it abundantly clear: what truly matters is not one’s sexual orientation, but one’s commitment to the path.
Accept yourself as you are, now, in this lifetime, be it heterosexual or homosexual, and walk the path sincerely with diligence. The essence of the Buddha’s teaching is simple yet profound, as mentioned in the Ekottara Āgama (EA)4:
Commit no evil, do good abundantly, purify your mind — this is the teaching of all Buddhas.
The real obstacle is not who we love, but whether we are caught in craving (tṛ́ṣṇā) and clinging onto the delusion that sensual pleasures bring lasting happiness. Without dispassion and renunciation, whether gay or straight, we remain in saṃsāra.
We are all capable of walking the path to liberation—regardless of gender, sexuality, or background.
So why can’t a gay person be a good Buddhist? As long as one lives according to the principle of non-harming—causing no harm to oneself, to others, or to both through body, speech, and mind—then one is undeniably walking the noble path, the path that leads to happiness, peace, and ultimately, liberation. As the Buddha advised his son, Rāhula, in the Ambalaṭṭhikarāhulovāda Sutta (MN 61):
“Does this act with the body that I want to do lead to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both? Is it unskillful, with suffering as its outcome and result?’ If, while reflecting in this way, you know: ‘This act with the body that I want to do leads to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both. It’s unskillful, with suffering as its outcome and result.’
To the best of your ability, Rāhula, you should not do such a deed. But if, while reflecting in this way, you know: ‘This act with the body that I want to do doesn’t lead to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both. It’s skillful, with happiness as its outcome and result.’ Then, Rāhula, you should do such a deed.”
Sexual orientation does not determine one’s rebirth or afterlife destination, contrary to assertions made by figures such as Venerable Hsuan Hua. A close examination of the Buddha’s words as preserved in the Āgamas and Nikāyas reveals that it is unwholesome actions—committed through body, speech, or mind—that lead to unfortunate rebirths, such as in the hell realms, the animal realm, or the realm of hungry ghosts.
This is in theApāyasaṁvattanika Sutta (AN 8.40), where the Buddha identifies eight unwholesome courses of action that lead to rebirth in the lower realms: (1) killing, (2) stealing, (3) sexual misconduct, (4) false speech, (5) divisive speech, (6) harsh speech, (7) idle chatter, and (8) the consumption of intoxicants. Notably, none of these factors pertains to sexual orientation.
In contrast to certain moral frameworks that associate non-heteronormative identities with spiritual downfall, early Buddhist ethics does not regard sexual orientation—whether heterosexual, homosexual, or otherwise—as inherently unwholesome.
What matters is the volitional quality (cetanā) and ethical nature of one’s actions. Thus, whether one identifies as gay, straight, bisexual, or otherwise, it is not one’s orientation that leads to rebirth in heaven or hell, but one’s intentional conduct and adherence to ethical principles. This reflects the emphasis on personal responsibility, ethical intentionality, and liberation through mindful and compassionate living in the Buddha’s teachings—regardless of one’s sexual identity.
Returning to the Heart of the Path
How can a gay person be a good Buddhist?
If we live without harming ourselves or others—guided by mindfulness, kindness, and integrity—we are already walking the Noble Path. The Buddha cares less about who we love and more about how we live. We, too, can care in the same manner.
For years, I sought acceptance from religion and society yet no acceptance is found. But the early teachings of Buddha Gautama reminded me: it’s not the sexual identity that defines a practitioner, but intention and action.
May we all—regardless of orientation—walk this path with courage, clarity, and compassion. As mentioned in Ārya Asaṅga’sAbhidharmasamuccaya:
sattvāḥ sukhena samprayujyeran
May all sentient beings be endowed with happiness, for there is no one who rejects joy and happiness in their life.
sattvā duḥkhena viyujyeran
May all sentient beings be separated from sufferings, for there is no one who takes delight in sufferings.
All sentient beings, be they straight or gay, are in constant search for love, joy and happiness. There is no one who rejoices in suffering. Grounded in compassion, may we all inflict no more, unnecessary sufferings, on any being regardless of gender and sexuality.
Wise Steps:
Return to Early Texts: Focus on the Buddha’s ancient teachings in the Pāli Canon or Āgamas.
Live by Non-Harming: Let compassion and harmlessness guide your actions.
Practice Self-Acceptance: Embrace who you are while walking the path with sincerity and mindfulness.
Editor’s notes: This article has been kindly contributed by Bhante Shravasti Dhammika who’s works can be found on Budblooms. In addition, he has launched a new book Footprints in the Dust, The Life of the Buddha from the Earliest Sources, now available on Amazon.
Disclaimer: This article was written in the early 2000s and some terms used here may have new cultural meanings. We encourage readers to read the book ‘Out of Ordinary’ to get better context and nuances of the time. Any potentially offensive terms used are not intentional.
TLDR: Beyond black and white views applied to gender, Bhante Dhammika explores the story of a transgender monk, the suttas on the topic of transgender people, and a possible explanation of why it happens.
We are used to thinking of the world in black and white terms, of things being either right or wrong, up or down, one thing or another. A good example of this would be the popular but mistaken understanding of kamma as either good or bad.
The Buddha, by contrast, said that kamma can be good, bad or a mixture of the two (vītimissā dhamma), which of course accords much more with reality. In fact, few things are either 100% good or 100% bad.
When it comes to gender, we commonly assume that people are either male or female whereas the categories are not always that clear, a truth that the Buddha recognized centuries ago.
Buddha & His Recognition of Transgender Individuals
So, what is Buddha’s view on non-binary genders?
He was aware that there were those who were of indeterminate or mixed gender (i.e. partly male and partly female); he called them “men-like women” (vepurisikā), “those with the characteristics of both [genders]” (ubhatovyañjanaka), and sometimes spoke of what he called “sexual indistinctness” (sambhianī).
He made a rule that such people were not to be ordained as monks or nuns, probably not because he considered them to be immoral or perverted, but simply because there were no positions within the Sangha which they could fit into.
In fact, it is remarkable that the Buddha made no moral judgments about those whose gender was mixed. Today, the condition that the Buddha recognized in the Suttas are people who identify as transgender.
It should be understood that being transgender is different from being homosexual – the first is having the strong feeling that one’s gender is the opposite of what one’s body indicates, whereas the second is being sexually attracted to those of one’s own gender.
The first is about identity whereas the second is about sexual attraction. There are several stories in Buddhist literature about people changing their gender.
The most well- known of these, from the Dhammapada commentary, tells of the man, Soreyya, who was transformed into a woman after being entranced by a young monk’s physical beauty.
Of course, this scenario is not possible, but the story indicated an awareness of transgender desire. However, today medical science has made it possible for transgender people to change their gender.
The Story of Michael Dillion
One of the first people to have done this was Laura Dillon. He was born into an aristocratic English family in 1915 – his brother was Sir Robert Dillon, the eighth Baronet of Lismullen.
Educated at the best girls’ schools and Cambridge University and used to privilege, by the time he was 15, he started to feel he had been born into the wrong body, a female body. He started to cut his hair short and wear more masculine-looking clothes, which was thought of as eccentric but something he would grow out of.
He never did. When he was 24, he sought treatment for excessive menstrual bleeding and his doctor gave his the male hormone testosterone, thinking it would cure this condition. He also recommended that he consult a psychiatrist who eventually put his in contact with the pioneering plastic surgeon Dr. Harold Gillies.
Laura Dillion, before undergoing gender transition
The Transformation
Over a three year period, the doctor performed 13 operations on him which included removing his breasts, constructing male genitals and in effect transforming him into a man. Because of contacts in the records office, he managed to have his name changed to Michael and he officially became Michael Dillon.
He then embarked on medical studies and became a doctor, worked in the marine industry for some years, and published a book on being transgender without revealing that he himself was transgender.
The book attracted a great deal of attention from both doctors and psychologists as well as from the general public. This eventually led to Dillon being Michael Dillon when he worked as a ship’s doctor.
Michael Dillon
This led to Dillon being identified as transgender and him being hounded by the press wanting a bizarre and lurid story. So negative was the pressure that he decided to quietly disappear to India.
Journey to India
Long having an interest in Buddhism, he made his way to the Himalayas where he lived in a monastery for some years and later at the Mahabodhi Society in Sarnath learning Dhamma and meditation.
Michael as a monk
Later he settled in the Rezong Monastery in Ladakh where he ordained as a monk taking the name Jīvaka, after the Buddha’s doctor of that name.
For the first time in his life he felt comfortable and accepted, writing several books on Buddhism including a study of the Vinaya, and after a serious illness passed away in Darjeeling in 1962.
He also wrote an autobiography called Out of the Ordinary which Fordham University Press published in 2017, its delay in its seeing the light of day due mainly because his brother who tried to stop its publication.
Transgender: A Possible Buddhist Explanation
During Dillon’s youth as a female, he was often mocked and teased because of his distinct boyishness and after becoming a male, he was hounded by the press, thought of as a freak and rejected by his family and former friends.
Dillon as Jivaka, fourth from the left, with other monks
Today, some transgender people can suffer insult and even physical violence. The problem does not lie with them, but with people’s ignorance and misunderstanding. Buddhists at least should have more understanding of transgender people because their condition may well be explained by Buddhism – specifically by the doctrine of Rebirth.
A person may be reborn as, say, a male in successive lives during which time masculine attitudes, desires, traits and dispositions become strongly imprinted on their mind.
This would determine that he be continually reborn into a male body or that his consciousness would shape the new embryo into a male form – whatever factors are responsible for the physical characteristic of gender.
Then, for either kammic, genetic or other reasons, he may get reborn into a female body while retaining all the long-established masculine psychological traits. Of course, this same process could be responsible for a male feeling that she is really female.
If this or something like it, is the cause for being transgender, it would mean that this condition is a natural one rather than a moral perversion as some theistic religions maintain.
In the Udāna, the Buddha said that traits or dispositions (vāsasā) developed through a succession of lives (abbokiṇṇanī) may well express themselves in the present life and that they need not be “an inner moral fault” (dosatara).
Thus, informed Buddhists should be accepting and understanding if or when they encounter a transgender person.
Wise Steps:
Understanding that transgender persons are equally capable of practising the Path we should offer them support rather than criticise them
Recognise that there are many spectrums to the world rather than viewing things in black and white
TLDR: How can the suttas and teachings aid us in our meditation journey? Paul shares his initial struggles and how the Buddha’s discourse to Mahanama immensely helped him with his mindfulness and mental state.
My Past — An On-and-off Meditator With Wavering Interest in Buddhism:
Even since learning about Buddhism and trying to study and practice it, I used to think the only practices to cultivate the mind were sitting meditation with eyes closed and walking back and forth slowly.
Since my first attempts to practice meditation back in 2009, I found it a very peaceful experience but also often beset by drowsiness. Furthermore, not long after completing the sitting meditation, after getting on with the activities of the rest of the day, the peaceful state was quickly lost and I didn’t feel noticeably different than if I had not meditated.
Even after years of doing regular sitting meditation on and off and going on several multi-day meditation retreats, this problem persisted. It wasn’t hard to do sitting meditation, even for days at a time at a meditation retreat. I didn’t feel like it was having an effect for long after getting up off the meditation cushion.
Even though I found the Buddha’s teachings to be very wise and studied them in much depth, not seeing much benefit from the practices made me ambivalent and wavering about Buddhism as a whole.
Turning point: The Buddha’s Discourse to Mahanama the Sakyan
This problem persisted through many years until around the time I came to learn about one of the Buddha’s discourses with Mahanama the Sakyan, one of the Buddha’s foremost lay followers.
In AN 11.12, Mahanama asks the Buddha: “…we spend our life in various ways. Which of these should we practice?”
In addition to specifying the cultivation of the 5 spiritual powers that should be cultivated to support awakening, the Buddha gives Mahanama six topics that should be recollected: The Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, ethics, generosity, and devas.
The Buddha then tells Mahanama he should develop these recollections “…while walking, standing, sitting, lying down, while working, and while at home with your children.”
This stood out to me. These things can be done not just while doing sitting meditation or walking slowly back-and-forth for walking meditation but at any time and anywhere.
What are the effects the Buddha lists of practising like this?
“When a noble disciple recollects the Realized One their mind is not full of greed, hate, and delusion. At that time their mind is unswerving, based on the Realized One. A noble disciple whose mind is unswerving finds inspiration in the meaning and the teaching and finds joy connected with the teaching. When they’re joyful, rapture springs up. When the mind is full of rapture, the body becomes tranquil. When the body is tranquil, they feel bliss. And when they’re blissful, the mind becomes immersed in samādhi.” – AN 11.12
Exploring The Practice More By Finding Modern Teachers Who Practise in This Way
As I was learning more about his practice, I began to discover Thai Forest Teachers who practice using ‘Buddho’, ‘Dhammo’, ‘Sangho’, or similar phrases anytime and anywhere they could. For example, Venerable Ajahn Maha Boowa practised using ‘Buddho’ even while doing chores. Venerable Ajahn Anan Akiñcano teaches us to “always keep ‘Buddho’ in the heart, whether standing, sitting, walking, lying down, or whatever else we might be doing.” Ch’an Master Sheng Yen teaches the practice of reciting the Buddha’s name at any time and in any place to purify the mind.
The most common method in the Thai Forest Tradition seems to be “Buddho”. However, I usually prefer “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho” because the longer phrase is easier for me to focus on.
How It Helped
Following the practice:
Walking anywhere: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
Sitting on the bus or MRT: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
Eating alone: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
Working at a task that doesn’t require full concentration: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
While talking break at work: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
Doing walking meditation back and forth: “Buddho, Dhammo, Sangho”.
Pretty much any activity becomes an opportunity to practice and purify the mind.
Practising as such now for over a year, my mind has become so much more tranquil and clear than all the years in the past when just doing sitting or walking meditation based on breathing, mindfulness of the body, or metta. It is even better than when I went on several multi-day meditation retreats because it is so much more stable.
At night, I can fall asleep so much faster. During the day, I am more clear-headed, more aware of unhealthy thought patterns, and much more easily able to let go and be free of cravings for unhealthy food, unhealthy thought patterns, and other unwholesome activities. It’s been especially helpful in the moments and at the times of day when my mind is the most stressed and prone to greed, hatred, and delusion arising.
It also greatly strengthened my faith in Buddhism. Any time becomes a time when one can feel a connection to the Buddha, contemplate his positive qualities, and help cultivate a calm, clear mind, and compassionate mind.
Even if I don’t feel tranquil at some particular point while engaging in this practice, it is still helpful because it gives my mind something positive to focus on. This practice provides a refuge when feeling overwhelmed by negative emotional states.
Unexpectedly, I’m able to maintain a regular sitting meditation practice much better now than in all the years in the past because I’ve developed the habit of mindfulness much more strongly by practising throughout the day.
Wise Steps:
It may help to combine this practice with mindfulness of breathing, mala/prayer beads, or mindfulness of the body (for example, when feeling stress, tension, or strong emotions or doing an activity such as walking or eating).
Finding a rhythm such as one syllable per step or one syllable for the in-breath and one for the out-breath can make the practice simple and enjoyable.
See the Related Resources section below for more detailed teachings on practising in this way.
Related Resources on Mindfulness of the Buddha in Any Circumstance
Buddhism is a spiritual tradition that has attracted many people globally. At the core of this ancient wisdom are the Buddhist suttas, sacred texts that convey the teachings of the Buddha.
We have curated a list of six must-visit websites that can be your gateway to experiencing the life-changing power of the Dhamma.
Before we begin, it is good to start by understanding how we can ‘befriend’ the suttas.
Befriending the suttas:
Why should I read? What benefits does it bring?
The Buddhist suttas offer guidance for people at all stages of their path and provide a comprehensive set of teachings.
Although some of the teachings may seem contradictory at first, careful reflection can help you resolve any apparent conflicts and deepen your understanding.
Plus, the suttas provide practical advice on real-world topics and validate personal experiences, which can be a huge boost of confidence in the Buddha’s teachings. You can also learn how to spot fake Buddha quotes.
And if that’s not enough, reading the suttas can also energise your meditation practice and fill your mind with positive, uplifting content – a welcome respite from the negativity of modern media.
Sutta Central is an invaluable resource for those looking to explore the Buddhist suttas across multiple languages and traditions. The site provides translations from the Pali Canon, as well as texts from the Chinese Āgamas, the Tibetan Kangyur, and Sanskrit sources.
Key Features:
Translations available in multiple languages
Comprehensive coverage of various Buddhist traditions
Popular suttas and stories to help you get started
Regular updates and new translations added
2. Access to Insight
Access to Insight is a Theravada Buddhist website providing access to many translated texts from the Tipitaka, and contemporary materials published by the Buddhist Publication Society and many teachers from the Thai Forest Tradition.
Key Features:
Over 1,000 suttas available in English translation
Commentaries and essays for further understanding
A diverse range of topics covered, from mindfulness to ethics and meditation
User-friendly navigation and search functions
3. 84000
84000.co is a groundbreaking project aimed at translating the vast corpus of Buddhist texts from the Tibetan Buddhist teachings (Kangyur) into modern languages. With a strong emphasis on accuracy and preserving the cultural context of the original texts, this resource offers invaluable insights into the world of the Mahayana and Vajrayana traditions.
Key Features:
High-quality translations of Tibetan Buddhist texts from the canonical collection.
The 84000 Reading Room (read.84000.co) with reading filters by topic and theme to help you find a text of interest.
New publications added regularly, with in-depth articles and editorial content delivered through their newsletter (84000.co/subscribe)
4. Suttafriend.org
Suttafriend.org is a cool and personable website that enables readers to use dynamic tags to navigate through teachings based on people, feelings, places, and even idioms! It’s like having a personal guide that helps you find the exact teachings you need at any given moment.
Key Features:
Tags that are relatable to us in daily life
Get to know people of Buddha’s time in a fun manner
In-depth access to different Suttas
5. UB’s Mahayana Text Collection
University at Buffalo brings the Mahayana text to life by collating the different Buddhist masterpieces for easy reading. It is often difficult to find accessible Mahayana text in a digital, compiled manner that is purely in English. Navigate this website for hidden gems like Heart Sutra and Diamond Sutra.
Key Features:
Access to ancient Chinese texts that are now in English
Identify various authors, and essays on these ancient texts
Learn in-depth about Mahayana teachings
6. Fake Buddha Quotes
It sucks to share fake news, or even worse, fake Buddha quotes. Goodreads.com is one of the major origins of such errors, attributing many random wise sayings to the Buddha. Reading more suttas would enable you to spot fake quotes when you see them.
Quiz: Which one is a real Buddha quote?
“Be kind to all creatures. This is the true religion.”
“If hate worked, I would teach you that”
“If a man’s mind becomes pure, his surroundings will also become pure”
“Whatever has the nature of arising has the nature of ceasing”
Answer at the end of the article!
Key Features:
A compassionate approach to uncovering fake Buddha Quotes
Resources that point readers to the real quotes by Buddha
A robust comment section to ask questions
Conclusion
In conclusion, these six essential resources offer a wealth of knowledge and insights to support your journey into the world of Buddhist suttas.
By exploring these sites, you will gain a deeper understanding of the teachings, practices, and philosophies that form the core of this ancient wisdom.
Embrace the transformative power of Buddhism and embark on a journey of personal growth, mindfulness, and spiritual fulfilment.
Quiz Answer: D. The rest are ‘Fake’ Buddha Quotes.
TL;DR: Pei Jing muses about his two retrenchment experiences and the Dhamma lessons he took away: 1) save up a quarter of your salary when you do earn; 2) investigate and understand your suffering; 3) do good; 4) play up your strengths.
If there is a relatively unique experience that I can claim, which even the Prime Minister of Singapore can’t lay claim to, it is probably the fact that I have been retrenched before. Not once, but twice.
P.S. Pei Jing has his own blog! Read more of his muses here.
My first retrenchment
The first layoff was in May 2008. The call came when I was at my desk, in the investment bank’s office at Two International Finance Centre in Hong Kong.
On a good day, from my office, you could see clearly across Victoria Harbour into Kowloon. But most of the time, we were working for such long hours that I almost took the view for granted.
“Please come up to this meeting room.”
I knew what it was about, but I was so tired from pulling the all-nighter the night before that I felt numb.
I entered the meeting room and saw the Managing Director of my team seated with a stranger I didn’t know. “This is X from HR”, said the MD.
What happened next was a bit of a blur. But it was unmistakable that I was getting laid off. I suppose I only had myself to blame. When my direct boss asked me what I was going to do with my annual bonus, I told him that I was going to leave to study. So now I was getting laid off right before the bonuses were being paid off.
“What happens if I don’t accept this retrenchment amount of two months salary?” I asked. “Then you’ll get nothing,” said the HR lady.
So I signed, but not without some anger as the annual bonuses were 6 months and above. When I passed the form to her, she reminded me, “Please remember that you’re not supposed to disclose the amount to other people.”
I was angry.
Angry at the fact that I was given a pittance. Angry at the fact that I was made to work an all nighter just before they laid me off. Angry that they also laid off other colleagues who were extremely hard working but kept those who were well connected to the rich and powerful. Angry at the lies they had told us.
Up until the last moment, they kept telling us that they won’t lay off first-year analysts.
But I was also curiously happy because that one year of investment banking was miserable.
My parents came up from Singapore to visit me in Hong Kong once. Yet for the entire fortnight, they saw me a grand total of five meals, as I was tied up with work. When they left, they had gone to the trouble of buying some ginseng to brew, and kept telling me to watch out for my health.
My usual working hours were from 9am to 3am on weekdays. On weekends I would go in around 12pm to 1pm, often staying until 3am.
The salary was really high (HKD 55,000, which was around S$11,000 back then or $14,000 in today’s value) but this was an insane cost on my life. So I had planned to leave anyway. When I surrendered my Blackberry, I was told that I was the only one who was smiling as I did so. And why not? That device was torture.
Unlike my other peers who were laid off before me,I was allowed to stay in the office to say bye to people before I left for good. “The others”, I was told, “went up to the meeting rooms and never came back to our floor. Their secretaries then packed their stuff into boxes, which was mailed to them.”
I bid farewell to my buddies, but also to the assistants and other colleagues, before I walked off home to sleep. My manager came to say bye, with tears in his eyes as he said sorry.
What was the point of saying sorry when he had already pulled the trigger? At that point, I thought he was just trying to make himself feel better and I couldn’t wait to leave his presence.
An unusual encouragement
On the way home in Central, Hong Kong, I came across a very unusual sight.
There were multiple regular beggars (mostly from mainland China), especially on this particular overhead bridge that I crossed daily. The way they begged was almost comical: one grey-haired lady kept kowtowing profusely at every single pedestrian who walked past while there’s another regular who just bowed down and never looked up.
This guy I met was not a regular. He was armless and handless but he was focused purely on his calligraphy. His calligraphy was amazing: his skill with his two stumps was much better than most able-bodied Chinese I know.
Incidentally, the calligraphy he wrote was especially apt for my retrenched state of being. The broad meaning of the phrase is, “Those with a will/direction, will definitely succeed. Those who suffered (for their will), Heaven won’t abandon them.”
First set of couplets I received from the calligrapher.
There were pretty high odds that I was getting laid off. Rumours had been going around that my ex-firm was not doing well and there would be layoffs. Colleagues who had experienced layoffs in other firms told me, “you just wait. They will fire all the locals but protect their own.” As someone who had zero political connections, I was expecting to be laid off anyway.
But the odds that, at the very moment I was walking home from being retrenched, an ARMLESS and HANDLESS calligrapher will be writing THIS phrase … ? It was encouraging, and perhaps a sign.
I stood there watching him work and said to him after a while, “Your calligraphy is beautiful! How much is this piece?” I thought he was going to say something ridiculous but to my huge surprise, he said, “Whatever price you think this is worthwhile.”
On the spot, I offered him a sum of money (that I cannot remember) and also commissioned him to write up my school motto ‘To strive unyieldingly’ (“This is a saying from I Ching”, he said, which turned out to be true.) Both pieces are now framed up at my parents’ home.
(This was my special commission to him after I walked back)
Same fate, different outcomes
Even though I had not been particularly deliberate in saving up money, I still had enough after my retrenchment that I estimated I could keep my apartment and live the way I did for easily another six months and then some. In the worst case, I was prepared to just dump everything and return home to Singapore.
That’s when I heard the story of Y, an ex-colleague from the same firm. Y was laid off earlier than me. Unlike me, Y wasn’t smiling when she gave up her Blackberry. When I met Y with other friends at a meal, Y clearly looked distressed and asked around if anybody knew of any banking job opportunities.
A mutual friend later shared that Y had only half a month of rental left in her bank account. I was shocked, “Huh? What did she spend her salary on??” It turned out that Y had spent almost her entire salary on not just branded bags, shoes, designer clothes, but also massage packages, spa treatments, pedicures & manicures (which she had bought by a lump sum package because it was “cheaper”).
The mutual friend also told me that Y had a habit of urging everyone around her to spend money, because “you’re a banker, you can afford it!”
Never did Y realise back then that she could not afford to lose being a banker.
The second retrenchment
One year later in April 2009, my second layoff was much less dramatic.
I had left Hong Kong and joined a proprietary trading firm in Singapore, which was started by two Irish proprietary futures traders. It was a small outfit of less than 12 people, based in UOB’s building.
When we first joined, they told us we each had a Profit & Loss (financial statement) with a S$15,000 downside limit. Over the months, the downside limit reduced to $12,000, then $10,000. By the time I got laid off, my account loss was around $9,000.
After I made my final losing trade, I got called into the office, was told “it’s not working out”, and was then asked to leave. This time with no retrenchment benefits at all.
A few months later, the firm wrapped up its operations in Singapore. And a few months later, it wrapped up for good.
[Years later, I read Michael Lewis’ book “Flash Boys” and recognized what had happened to our firm: we were basically bled dry by high frequency traders. We would hit the offers, only to be filled in at prices that were significantly different from the offers we hit.]
No more “fooling” around
This second layoff had no “divine signal”, no signs of encouragement. As the American saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”I was beginning to wonder if the finance industry was fooling me twice. I wondered if I should continue or I should find something that is more meaningful beyond aiming to make rich people richer.
My initial instinct was to try and apply what I learned at the trading outfit, but it is different when you are a retail trader versus at a professional outfit: the lag times are even greater; there are significantly larger margins you have to pay and there is almost no “edge” (i.e. advantage) you have in the market.
Most importantly, my psychology was also fraught: I needed to make money, which magnified the emotions and made trading harder.
After a few months of trying to trade my own account, depleting my savings, and feeling emotionally exhausted from chasing money for its own sake, I decided to apply only to public service jobs. I wanted to spend my time working on something more meaningful. That was how I started my decade-long career in the public service.
What I learnt from retrenchment
Looking back, I think there are a few lessons that I drew from my two retrenchments, which might help others who are facing impending retrenchments. Where appropriate, I have also included excerpts from the Buddhist texts.
Pre-Retrenchment: Always have some savings, ideally a quarter.
Startup funding is measured in time. Every startup that isn’t profitable (meaning nearly all of them, initially) has a certain amount of time left before the money runs out and they have to stop. This is sometimes referred to as runway, as in “How much runway do you have left?” It’s a good metaphor because it reminds you that when the money runs out you’re going to be airborne or dead.
For any individual, I would recommend saving up a runway of at least 6 months of your monthly necessary expenses, excluding your long-term savings. That gives a lot of psychological freedom, because you are not in a state where you need to make money. That freedom was what I had during my first layoff but not during my second layoff.
Take a balanced approach to your budget
But one also shouldn’t go to the extreme of hoarding without any expenditure at all! Nor should one spend too much (like my ex-colleague Y). Instead, you need to strike a balance in your personal finances, avoiding both extremes.
And what is accomplishment in balanced finances? It’s when a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, balances his finances, being neither too extravagant nor too frugal. He thinks, ‘In this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.’ It’s like an appraiser or their apprentice who, holding up the scales, knows that it’s low by this much or high by this much. In the same way, a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, balances his finances, being neither too extravagant nor too frugal. He thinks, ‘In this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.’ If a gentleman has little income but an opulent life, people will say: ‘This gentleman eats their wealth like a fig-eater!’ If a gentleman has a large income but a spartan life, people will say: ‘This gentleman is starving themselves to death!’ But a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, leads a balanced life, neither too extravagant nor too frugal, thinking, ‘In this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.’ This is called accomplishment in balanced finances.
Then what should you use your wealth for? Make yourself happy and pleased first, followed by the people around you.
Then King Pasenadi of Kosala went up to the Buddha in the middle of the day, bowed, and sat down to one side. The Buddha said to him, “So, great king, where are you coming from in the middle of the day?”
“Sir, here in Sāvatthī a financier householder has passed away. Since he died childless, I have come after transferring his fortune to the royal compound. There was eight million in gold, not to mention the silver. And yet that financier ate meals of rough gruel with pickles. He wore clothes consisting of three pieces of sunn hemp. He traveled around in a vehicle that was a dilapidated little cart, holding a leaf as sunshade.”
“That’s so true, great king! That’s so true! When a bad person has acquired exceptional wealth they don’t make themselves happy and pleased. Nor do they make their mother and father, partners and children, bondservants, workers, and staff, and friends and colleagues happy and pleased. And they don’t establish an uplifting religious donation for ascetics and brahmins that’s conducive to heaven, ripens in happiness, and leads to heaven. Because they haven’t made proper use of that wealth, rulers or bandits take it, or fire consumes it, or flood sweeps it away, or unloved heirs take it. Since that wealth is not properly utilized, it’s wasted, not used.
Suppose there was a lotus pond in an uninhabited region with clear, sweet, cool water, clean, with smooth banks, delightful. But people don’t collect it or drink it or bathe in it or use it for any purpose. Since that water is not properly utilized, it’s wasted, not used.
In the same way, when a bad person has acquired exceptional wealth … it’s wasted, not used.
When retrenched: remember the Noble Truths
When you are being retrenched, it can feel like a punch in the gut. A million questions and emotions will be flying through your head, “What do you mean I’m being laid off?” “I need this job to feed my family.” “Why am I fired but not that lazy ass on level 26?” for etc.
The next thing to recognise is that your mind’s first reaction is to flee away from the suffering as fast as possible, either through denial or repression. Your mind is also likely to be defiled by negative emotions like anger or a strong desire to be somewhere else.
Consider the (First Noble) truth: life is suffering. To be born is to suffer, to exist is to suffer, as taught by the first sentence in this passage from the Buddha’s First Sermon:
“This noble truth of suffering should be completely understood…”
By seeking to understand your experience, you might ask yourself, ‘Why am I suffering? What’s the cause for this suffering?’ At a fundamental level, the (Second Noble) truth is, your suffering is caused by you wanting or craving something.
“Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.
The original Pali word for “craving” is taṇhā, which is also the word for THIRST.
The following is a useful guiding question. Anytime you’re suffering, ask yourself, ‘What is it that you want?’ That wanting is the cause of your suffering, because…
“Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the cessation of suffering: it is the remainderless fading away and cessation of that same craving, the giving up and relinquishing of it, freedom from it, nonreliance on it. [In Pali: yo tassāyeva taṇhāya asesavirāganirodho cāgo paṭinissaggo mutti anālayo.]
These are the four ways of letting go, of not wanting:
Caga – giving, generosity;
Patinissaga – letting go;
Mutti – free, releasing;
Analaya – Non-reliance, not-resting, not-sticking, a “Teflon mind”.
I would double down on caga. In fact, when you’re retrenched, I would strongly encourage you to volunteer and just give your time: go out of the house and do some volunteer work for a cause that inspires you. Because that makes unstealable wealth for you!
Make more unstealable wealth.
The Buddha gave this great definition of wealth that cannot be stolen from you, which I’m calling ‘unstealable wealth’.
“He has a hundred thousand gold coins, not to mention the silver!”
“Well, Ugga, that is wealth, I can’t deny it. But fire, water, rulers, thieves, and unloved heirs all take a share of that wealth. There are these seven kinds of wealth that they can’t take a share of. What seven? The wealth of faith, ethical conduct, conscience, prudence, learning, generosity, and wisdom. There are these seven kinds of wealth that fire, water, rulers, thieves, and unloved heirs can’t take a share of.
When you’re retrenched, it can sometimes feel tough. ‘My dream job was taken from me! Oh, that lovely (employment benefit) that I loved!’
The Buddha’s definition of unstealable wealth reminds us that there are things that cannot be taken from us. You probably gained a lot of knowledge from your work: that’s not something that can be taken from you (except by time).
For example, I learned how to do financial valuation models in banking (which has made me extremely skeptical about all financial projections!), but I also used some of the trading-comparable techniques in analyzing companies when I started work in the Economic Development Board.
Also, your acts of generosity, kindness, compassion, all cannot be stolen from you by others, nor removed by your ex employer. It’s something you have done before, and belongs to you. To exercise generosity, kindness, and compassion, to keep your Five Precepts and ethics, all these require no money to do! So what’s stopping you from making more of this “unstealable wealth” while you’re unemployed?
Even if you feel that somehow this unemployment situation was due to your bad kamma, you can’t get rid of bad kamma by “burning” it or just “tolerating” it. All the more, you should go out and just go good!
Suppose a person was to drop a lump of salt into a small bowl of water. What do you think, mendicants? Would that small bowl of water become salty and undrinkable?”
“Yes, sir. Why is that? Because there is only a little water in the bowl.”
“Suppose a person was to drop a lump of salt into the Ganges river. What do you think, mendicants? Would the Ganges river become salty and undrinkable?”
“No, sir. Why is that? Because the Ganges river is a vast mass of water.”
“This is how it is in the case of a person who does a trivial bad deed, but it lands them in hell. Meanwhile, another person does the same trivial bad deed, but experiences it in the present life, without even a bit left over, not to speak of a lot. …
From the discourse above, we learn that you don’t burn bad kamma: you dilute it to the point where the bad kamma is like a lump of salt in a Ganges river of goodwill and good kamma.
You focus on making good kamma, on the positive, on the joy that arises from the intention (more in the latter). The more good kamma you make, the less your bad kamma from the past is going to impact you.
Again, the Buddha has some great advice on the kamma leading to long life, health, beauty, influence, wealth, status and wisdom:
“Master Gotama, what is the cause and condition why human beings are seen to be inferior and superior? For people are seen to be short-lived and long-lived, sickly and healthy, ugly and beautiful, uninfluential and influential, poor and wealthy, low-born and high-born, stupid and wise. What is the cause and condition, Master Gotama, why human beings are seen to be inferior and superior?”
“Student, beings are owners of their actions, heirs of their actions; they originate from their actions, are bound to their actions, have their actions as their refuge. It is action that distinguishes beings as inferior and superior.”
…
…This is the way, student, that leads to short life, namely, one kills living beings and is murderous, bloody-handed, given to blows and violence, merciless to living beings.… This is the way, student, that leads to long life, namely, abandoning the killing of living beings, one abstains from killing living beings; with rod and weapon laid aside, gentle and kindly, one abides compassionate to all living beings.
…
… This is the way, student, that leads to sickliness, namely, one is given to injuring beings with the hand, with a clod, with a stick, or with a knife….This is the way, student, that leads to health, namely, one is not given to injuring beings with the hand, with a clod, with a stick, or with a knife.
…
… This is the way, student, that leads to ugliness, namely, one is of an angry and irritable character…and displays anger, hate, and bitterness…. This is the way, student, that leads to being beautiful, namely, one is not of an angry and irritable character…and does not display anger, hate, and bitterness.
…This is the way, student, that leads to being uninfluential, namely, one is envious…towards the gains, honour, respect, reverence, salutations, and veneration received by others….This is the way, student, that leads to being influential, namely, one is not envious…towards the gains, honour, respect, reverence, salutations, and veneration received by others.
… This is the way, student, that leads to poverty, namely, one does not give food, drink, clothing, carriages, garlands, scents, unguents, beds, dwelling, and lamps to recluses or brahmins.…This is the way, student, that leads to wealth, namely, one gives food…and lamps to recluses or brahmins...
Tips on Looking for a New Job
When looking for a new job, it is useful and important to know what you’re looking for or not. It’s also important and useful to know what you’re good at or not: this depends whether you’re just starting out in your career, or you’ve more experience.
If you’re just starting out, I think you should just try different things and learn from your experience. For example, I learned from my two layoffs that:
(a) I hated the investment banking lifestyle;
(b) I really didn’t have a knack for day-trading futures;
(c) After a while, the pointlessness of making rich people richer really wore me down.
With time and experience, you know what your strengths are and that then allows you to figure out where and how you should play to your strengths in your future jobs.
I’ll end with this beautiful Buddhist parable of a quail playing to its strengths, outwitting a hawk. May you be a quail that finds your clods of soil!
“Bhikkhus, once in the past a hawk suddenly swooped down and seized a quail. Then, while the quail was being carried off by the hawk, he lamented: ‘We were so unlucky, of so little merit! We strayed out of our own resort into the domain of others. If we had stayed in our own resort today, in our own ancestral domain, this hawk wouldn’t have stood a chance against me in a fight.’—‘But what is your own resort, quail, what is your own ancestral domain?’—‘The freshly ploughed field covered with clods of soil.’
“Then the hawk, confident of her own strength, not boasting of her own strength, released the quail, saying: ‘Go now, quail, but even there you won’t escape me.’
“Then, bhikkhus, the quail went to a freshly ploughed field covered with clods of soil. Having climbed up on a large clod, he stood there and addressed the hawk: ‘Come get me now, hawk! Come get me now, hawk!’
“Then the hawk, confident of her own strength, not boasting of her own strength, folded up both her wings and suddenly swooped down on the quail. But when the quail knew, ‘That hawk has come close,’ he slipped inside that clod, and the hawk shattered her breast right on the spot. So it is, bhikkhus, when one strays outside one’s own resort into the domain of others….
Wise Steps:
Aportion a quarter of your salary towards your savings when you are employed.
If you were retrenched, try to understand your suffering using the Noble Truths.
Yield your mind to perform acts of generosity, goodwill and letting go. These form the ‘unstealable wealth’ that retrenchment can’t even take away from you.
Recognise your strengths and play up to them when searching for your next job!
