TLDR: While advice from others can be helpful when facing a crossroad, we know our situation best first-hand and can make decisions that others may not understand. As long as we make choices with a rational and calm mind, we can trust the process and conditions to guide us.
How many of us have pondered the possibility of leaving our current job? Is it due to excessive workload, lack of progress or recognition, a misalignment with personal value, or just the thought of exploring something new?
This thought had been running through my mind for the past year, but I was held back by another question: “Are you sure? Many would’ve wanted your position. It seems foolish to let go of something good when you don’t know what comes next.”
The inner skeptic
This discouraging thought mostly stemmed from worry or fear of what others would think – of how foolish they might perceive this action, or how foolish I would seem.
The skeptic in me remained strong until something bigger shook it. Early last year, team restructuring was announced, with a stronger emphasis on delivering more efficient results, and the resignation of all overseas team members.
At first, I took these responsibilities as a challenge — after all, I had taken on growing roles over the past years.
I also believed this was what a good leader must do: to be the pillar of support for the team, especially during tough times.
Soon enough, 14-hour workdays became the norm. Days were filled with meetings to ensure ongoing operations, maintain process continuity from departing colleagues and fill vacant positions as soon as possible.
Lunch was eaten at the desk to save minutes that could be spent working, no breaks were taken to quickly cross off hands-on tasks from to-do list. Eventually, self-care routines were abandoned and the no-work-on-weekends boundary was crossed.
How do we know when it’s enough?
This was a personally challenging period, but I gritted my teeth and pushed on. Positions were filled, trainings were conducted, and frequent meetings with the new overseas team were established.
But not without a toll on body and mind – skin breakouts, weight gain, poor sleep, heart palpitations, and lack of energy for anything else.
After a few months, I realised I needed help — this wasn’t something I could manage on my own. My boss was surprised when I broke down in our catch-up call; he thought I was handling the situation quite well! He gave me a two-week break and arranged for a colleague to stand in during that time.
Reviewing boundaries
I used the time to rest, eat better, and try out a gym trial. Establishing a healthier routine helped me regain some balance.
Then, I came to a realisation: this situation wasn’t personal and it could have happened to anyone. While I couldn’t control the outcome, I can put in my best effort and allow the result to materialise.
The anxiety stemmed from the mindset that “it’s my full responsibility to keep things going at the same high standard as on normal days”. These weren’t normal days, and while it was my responsibility as the manager to keep things going, there were still things beyond my control – and I had to know where to draw the line. And for sure, I wouldn’t be able to manage the situations if I wasn’t well.
Returning to work after the two-week break, the same pressures and demands remained. Though it was clear that the world didn’t crumble without me, I knew I couldn’t return to the same routine.
I informed my boss and team that I needed a morning gym session everyday — this was my new boundary to make things work. The shift in mindset also helped to alleviate unnecessary pressure.
As the situation slowly found balance after a year, I knew deep down that I would leave the company once things stabilised. Vacant positions were filled and systems were implemented to improve operations with the new team. The turning point came one morning, during regular work planning call with a team member. A thought struck me: this is it, it’s time to leave.
Nothing extraordinary was discussed during the call, only the routine had lost the purpose for me.
Not until another team member resigned, did I realise that there is no ‘good time’ to leave. After considering practical matters — typical monthly expenses, how much saving there is, how long I can sustain myself, how I will use the time off well, and how I can manage the emotions that may arise during the time off; and having sat on my resignation letter for a few days to ensure it wasn’t an emotional decision, I formally submitted it to my boss.
It was fortunate that the remaining team members had been groomed for independence and growth. Most areas were already running smoothly without much direct involvement from me. After serving a three-month notice period to assist with the transition, I left the company.
Living with uncertainty
Without a new job or a fixed plan in place, it felt bittersweet to leave a workplace of 12 years and the people I had worked closely with. It felt liberating, yet apprehensive of what the future might hold. With body and mind care at the forefront, I’ve learnt to hold plans lightly.
Coincidentally, several opportunities to join retreats arose. I seized them and planned for extended self-practice periods.
The past 2 months have been filled with retreats, both as a participant and as a volunteer to the organising team. Providing small assistance to others on their paths has brought me joy and gratitude.
There are still moments of doubt and uncertainty, but it also gave me time for introspection and realisation. There are also moments of annoyance when friends ask if I’ve started looking for another job or what my next step is. But I’ve learnt to simply say: I don’t know yet.
I do aspire for conditions where a suitable career aligning both spiritual and material growth arises for me. But for now, I’m taking things slow and that feels alright 🙂
Wise steps:
Be clear about our boundaries in both personal and work life, so we can make decisions with a clear mind rather than out of emotion.
Assess practical matters, sit with the decision if needed, and trust the choice made.
It’s okay not to know the immediate next step and to say so when asked.
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
We often prioritise winning especially in Singapore. How we know when to quit? What if we are not lazy but burnt out? These are great times to check in and answer ourselves honestly
1. How to figure out when to quit? This framework might just help you
2. You might be the 75% of adults who face some form of burn out. Here are 6 signs to check on
How to figure out when to quit? This framework might just help you
What’s going on here & why we like it
Ali Abdaal, a youtuber who focuses on self-growth and self-education shares about the value of quitting and why sometimes it is better to give up than to continue. He shares on Stephen’s quitting framework for us to get a grip on our lives and avoid the pitfalls of following a past commitment that is no longer relevant.
“The payoff (going to medical school) wasn’t worth it”
Wise Steps
Run through this framework on different aspects of your life to check in on whether you should quit on certain projects that you have dragged on…and have made you a grumpy person
Watch the tiktok below!
You might be the 75% of adults who face some form of burnout. Here are 6 signs to check on
Cr: Psych2go
What’s going on here & why we like it
Psych2go, a youtube channel focusing on mental health, shares 6 signs to check on to determine if you are lazy or plain burnout. Some of the signs are: depersonalisation (not feeling like yourself), demotivation (you used to be motivated), and you find difficulty finding passion. We like this video because it allows viewers to discern between lazy mind states and a clear need for intervention in mental well-being (burnout)
“Burnout develops in stages…it doesn’t happen overnight. There are 5 stages of burnout.”
Wise Steps
Do a check-in! See if you can spot any of the 6 signs of burnout and start taking active action by reaching out for professional help.
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
Great resignation. Middle of the year. A time for reflection on how we have done this year and how we can use the second half in the most meaningful way. Here are two stories!
1. Actively looking to avoid doing your work? This might be a sign to quit
2. You are burning out. What can you do? A Buddhist monk answers
Actively looking to avoid doing your work? This might be a sign to quit
Harvard Business Review Screenshot
What’s going on here
If you are looking for a sign to quit your job. Here are 6 to check out! Harvard Business Review shares 6 ways to find out if we should quit our job and move on to brighter things.
Why we like it
HBR is very candid on the signs to look out for. These signs have been seen in friends who faced bleak tunnels in their careers…they later left the job for greener pastures. It is supremely actionable!
“Have you been procrastinating more and more lately?”
Wise Steps
Have an honest sit down with yourself on what you want in your career and whether there is growth left in your career at your current job!
You are burning out. What can you do? A Buddhist monk answers
Unsplash
What’s going on here
Venerable Nick, a Thai monk, shares why we are burning out and what we can do about it. The 22-min video is a nice walkthrough of examples of burnout and how we can manage that. He shares how the body falling sick is often a wake-up call for our mind when we are pushing too hard and how we need not wait for that to take action in our lives.
Why we like it
Venerable Nick touches on real-world positive examples of monks and local workers managing work, and how the need to do everything fast can blur the lines for us between work and rest.
“Of course we can do things faster but what is the point?…We try to do things with intentions and that intention is to use every activity to train our minds.”
Wise Steps
Find an activity that refreshes you. That slows you down from work and reminds you of the goodness of the world.
Enjoy the advice below!
Want to check out a book dealing with burnout? Click here!
TLDR: Why quit your job during a pandemic? How do we help our friends who are thinking about quitting?
When the pandemic plunged the world into recession, university graduates felt nervous. The fear of not finding a job or having your job offer rescinded was real.
Hence, to land a job and then quit your stable, full-time job during a pandemic makes you pause and say “Huh, why?”. Yanda has a different take. He asks ‘Why not?’.
Sipping coffee as Yanda shares his story
The Job Hunt Hype
Yanda, a final year student in 2020, took his time to enjoy university while it lasted. He mentioned that “everyone was rushing to secure a job. There was great hype for job hunting.”
It was definitely not an easy climate to be in. Rather than worrying about uncertainty, Yanda volunteered for Buddhist Organisations such as NTU Buddhist Society/ BYN (Buddhist Youth Network). He then took on the job search in his own time.
(No. Yanda doesn’t come from an uber-rich family where a job falls on his lap. He didn’t see the need for an all-or-nothing chase.)
Eventually, Yanda obtained a few offers in the engineering space and took on a role he thought he might enjoy. That is where things changed.
Is This It?
Work soon became monotonous and a routine for him. He noticed a routine of “working, going out for lunch, sitting back down and going home.”
This made him wonder, “Is this it? Is this how I am going to spend my life? What do I want? If I lived to 60 years, will I be content with doing 40 years of the same thing?”
In response to his musing, I mumbled: “Definitely not me.”
His attempt at sharing work struggles with some friends did not yield something he could relate to. They alluded to “finding meaning in your job rather than have the meaning come to you.” It was cold comfort.
I could see his thought process unfold and why that advice didn’t sit well. Yes, there was this sense of job security during a pandemic but it brought little meaning to him. That meaning was nearly impossible to find.
The turning point came when this question popped to mind, “If tomorrow, I am going to die, I would only remember that I did paperwork here and there. That’s it”. That spurred him into action. He tendered his resignation and left the company to the shock of his peers. New hires are usually expected to stay in that job for at least 2 years, but he stayed in that role for less than 6 months.
The Pains Of Change
“I had fear and felt scared”, he gulped when recalling the moment he quit and had no job offer on the horizon.
“So what helped you through the uncertainty?” I quizzed.
The fellowship of his Buddhist circle who listened patiently was what brought him to a brighter state of mind. Friends that were slow to advise but quick to listen to his pain helped him greatly. “That is what matters…being there for me,” he concluded.
“Confidence in the Buddha’s teaching, knowing that all these negative emotions would fade,” he added, gave him strength when he was alone. He viewed the transition as “uncertainty at its very core.”
Over the years, having done mindfulness practice enabled him to watch his emotions and to make necessary changes without attachment. That gave him the conviction that it was not an impulsive move but an informed one.
Starting Again
Smiling as he recalled his Buddhist work, “I have done a lot of Buddhist work that brought joy to me. If this (engineering) job doesn’t fit me, what can I do?”
As causes and conditions came together, Yanda didn’t need to wait long for an answer.
“A friend told me that she had an opening at a preschool where they wanted a Dhamma friend to help build the school’s curriculum.” He recalled. He mulled on the idea of facing kids all day and decided to take the plunge.
Yanda is now studying for a Diploma in Early Childhood Education while working to help build the preschool’s curriculum.
“Uncertainty,” he answers immediately when asked what he loves about his job. “What the children can bring to you every day with every interaction presents uncertainty,” he added.
When he dived deeper, he felt lifted about being able to help kids appreciate this ‘thing’ called the mind. Letting them know that there are ways to develop their minds. Equipping them with Buddhist concepts, techniques and emotional awareness to thrive in a stressful world really motivated him.
“Kids are easy to teach, as they are free of concepts,” he quipped. At that moment, I recalled being an inquisitive child, something I felt I have lost along the way. It was interesting to see how uncertainty could bring us pain (job transition) and joy (teaching kids).
Helping Others Start Again
I was curious to hear Yanda’s take on how we can help our friends’ transition from one job to another.
“There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but what I can say is that this is something cliché,” Yanda shared.
“Listen to them and be genuinely happy for them. Recognise that they took a courageous decision to step out of something that did not fit them,” he added.
On a practical side, Yanda shared that we should remind our friends to also financially plan ahead if they choose to resign without a job offer. As a rule of thumb, one should have at least 3-6 months of expenses saved in cash to weather them through their job search.
His advice was grounded heavily on the Buddhist idea of appreciative joy which is a joy in the achievements/victories of others.
“How can I support you? Do you need resources/contacts?” has been one of the most helpful questions friends asked. I instantly agreed by nodding furiously as I felt that we often are quick to develop solutions without considering our friends’ needs.
Turning Back Time
“Your first job is super important” is one piece of advice that Yanda recommends ignoring for graduating students. It adds unnecessary stress to the individual. That person may then seek out the perfect job which may not exist.
Having wisdom is crucial in helping us see the world properly. If he could turn back time to advise his graduating self, he would say this: “Have an attitude in life that let the results take care of themselves once I try my best. If it doesn’t go my way, what can I do next?” and “We are our own boss, only we can understand our emotions and the true nature of our mind.”
Asking that question gives us the courage to be open to what life can bring. What we can do is to create conditions for success while developing a sense of non-attachment to the outcome.
“Understand we have a mind, and emotions are never truly ours. Just like a cup. The reason why we wash it is that we are confident that the dirt can be washed off. The dirt was never the cup.” he summarised.
It was a mind-blowing summary of expectations and emotions. Recognising emotions as transitory and being at ease with the unpleasant is a skill set we all need as we go through the different changing phases of life.
Yanda showed that Singapore youths are hungry for life and meaning. We need not stay in the same job just to clock a magical number of years before leaving. Asking ourselves “Is this it?” can spark conversations and paths we never dreamt of.
Yanda is currently working in Blue Lion Preschool as an early childhood educator trainee.
