Can you become fearless not by becoming stronger, but by learning to love more deeply?
In this thought-provoking conversation, Ven Drachom explores what it means to move beyond fear and develop a deeper relationship with compassion, courage, discipline, and suffering. Drawing from his experiences as a former SEAL-trained anti-terrorist commando and his Buddhist spiritual practice, he offers a very different perspective on what it means to become a spiritual warrior.
Rather than seeing fear as something that must simply be defeated, Ven Drachom describes a transformation in which fear gradually gives way to love. The goal is not to become emotionally numb or invulnerable. Instead, it is to develop the inner strength to meet difficult experiences without immediately reacting to them.
Ven Drachom speaks about responding to difficult people and difficult circumstances from a place of love rather than irritation, anger, or fear. That is a challenging practice. It asks us to pause before reacting and consider another possibility: What would happen if, instead of allowing someone’s behaviour to create more negativity within us, we responded with compassion?
This idea can be applied far beyond spiritual practice. In everyday relationships, disagreements, work, family situations, and moments of uncertainty, we constantly have opportunities to choose between reacting from fear and responding from a deeper sense of compassion.
One of the central themes of this conversation is that real transformation happens gradually. Fearlessness isn’t simply something we decide to have one morning. Compassion, courage, discipline, and awareness are qualities that develop through practice. The journey is therefore not about becoming a person who never feels fear. It is about becoming someone who doesn’t have to be controlled by fear. And perhaps that is the deeper meaning behind becoming a spiritual warrior: not fighting the world, but learning to transform what happens inside us.
About the Speaker
👤 Venerable Tenzin Drachom is a Singaporean Buddhist monk whose extraordinary life has taken him from the front lines of Singapore’s Special Forces to the path of spiritual practice. Before becoming a monk, Ven. Drachom spent 32 years in the Singapore Armed Forces as a Special Forces commando. He was part of the team that stormed Singapore Airlines Flight SQ117 during the 1991 hijacking, an operation that rescued all the hostages and was completed in just 30 seconds. He also underwent some of the military’s most demanding training, including the US Navy SEAL course, and served as an instructor who trained generations of officer cadets.
Yet behind this formidable military career was a lifelong connection to Buddhism. Raised in a Buddhist family, Ven. Drachom began practising in his teens and continued to deepen his practice throughout his years in the military. After retiring from the SAF in 2013, he travelled to Dharamsala, India, where he began his monastic journey. He was later ordained by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and received the name Tenzin Drachom. Today, he draws on the same discipline, resilience and mental training that shaped his military career to cultivate wisdom, compassion an
Key Takeaways
🦁 I’m not afraid anymore
Fear doesn’t have to determine how we live, respond, or relate to others.
❤️ You replace all the fear with love
The conversation explores love and compassion as a powerful alternative to fear and reactivity.
🛡️ Whether it’s something difficult, whether it’s something unpleasant, he always had that let’s go kind of attitude.
Courage means developing the willingness to face difficulty rather than automatically running away from it.
Transcript
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Ven Drachom: Easy, even possible to get enlightened. Do you know what it takes to become a Buddha? This man tortured me for 19 years. I’m so afraid the day he kill me, I can’t generate love for them. I pray that I receive everyone’s suffering forever, even in hell. Then I give all my happiness to them. If I die this way, I got no regret. As long as someone is a human being, a being ascension with a mind, there definitely potential of suffering. And you wish, you know, I will receive then you from the very depth of your heart. Those suffering come or something like that. Come. Come. And I command you to come.
[00:00:38] Cheryl: I’m really curious. You speak a lot about your teacher.
[00:00:42] Ven Drachom: Yeah.
[00:00:42] Cheryl: I’m curious to understand what did your teacher and your practice teach you that the special forces couldn’t?
[00:00:47] Ven Drachom: Well, you use the metaphor here. The special forces were really physical, able to shoot very straight. You cannot miss. There’s a target. So, obviously one is very mundane in nature, one is about talking about the secrecy of your mind, to know the secrecy of the mind. They are gradually power that bring you up to the particular mind that you see the true nature of your mind. So, I got 32 teacher, but some are very close. So, I got 32 of them. Not saying that you only need to have 32 teacher. Just find one good one in the beginning that you able to understand the nature of the meaning of the what he say. I think it’s very important. I think in Singapore, many people are wanting to do so. A lot of people look around how to but they don’t have a gradual path. So, the teaching that were I receive is like this. It’s called the gradual path to enlightenment. So, it’s called Lamrim common path, uncommon path. These are all the teaching of the Buddha. This is called the turning the wheel of Dharma mudra, turning far lung soaring. So, the teaching of the Buddha, then is sequential. There’s nothing called which one higher, lower. It’s which one comes first, which one comes later. So, like you build this building I’m at right now. You cannot build this level three without building level one or foundation. If you think that you The you want to practice level three without level one and two, you will never get any success because there’s no foundation for you to go. So, when we talk about this system, then the teaching of the Buddha is arranged like that. Level one, two, three, four, five. So, this is the Pali tradition. This is a Sanskrit tradition. I don’t like to use the word Hinayana Mahayana. Make someone this higher than this. No. This come first or everything. Whoever practice Mahayana don’t have the basis of Hinayana practice garbage. You need to have these and these and that. So, what is the practice here? Taking refuge, keeping a five precept, practicing the 10 virtue section and abandon the 10 non-virtue section. Then from here to achieve the fruit of next life, you have a good rebirth rate again. But some people just can’t handle this amount of time to invest to transform their mind. So, I want to list some side I want to become a Arahat Pratyekabuddha. Then they practice the three higher training. They think of the suffering of even a higher realm in samsara by nature. They see the traveling of dependent arising. They meditate on the 51 mental factor. And they realize that the mental factor traveling, the mental factor of the link of craving and grasping being the most important. You know, don’t crave, don’t grasp, you cannot ripen all those imprint and that link that will make you suffer practice the thing. So, by cutting seeing that wisdom realizing correctly, they achieve the fruit of a Arahat Pratyekabuddha. Then basic based on that there’s certain people but at a certain point of their lives then Buddha let’s say they achieve Arahat. Then Buddha knock at the door, “Oi, there’s someone suffering. How?” They oh, really? Then they quite quiet. They come back to practice the So, like that one, two. Then they come to join the Mahayana teaching. The Mahayana teaching got this motivation. May I become a Buddha to free everyone from suffering. So, what I I I achieve enlightenment? How about the rest of other people? I want to free every one single one from suffering. This where they start to think, “Is that even possible or not?” So, the Buddha say, “First must think is it even possible to get enlightened?” So, that’s the real first question. Someone practicing Mahayana Sutrayana Mahayana Vajrayana. Then you will ask those people a teacher want to check the student say, “So, you say you want to become a Buddha. Is it possible? Why possible?” So, they ask, “Why you want to become Buddha. Feel good, no? I like to become Buddha. Everybody puts fruits. Oh, nice flower thing. So, you want to become Buddha? Do you know what it takes to become a Buddha? Why you need Buddha? What you are willing to go through? So, Mahakashyapa hear that want to become a Buddha. The concept of Buddhism you offer everyone, he fainted. He said, “No, this I can’t do.” Kashyapa, you know? You know? Buddha disciple. Maha Jassa, you know? Incredible, you know? Shuku Singo, you know? He said thing he fainted, you know?
[00:04:18] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:04:20] Ven Drachom: So, maybe some of us got coming in brain. Then you say I want to become a Buddha. Then this where you where when you start to take the Bodhisattva vow, and then you practice the six perfection. That will bring you a 10 ground Bodhisattva. But that’s still not enough. When we talk about Buddha, we talk about the four body. The wisdom body, and then the form body. And these two form body, Rupakaya and Dharmakaya, can be divided into sub parts.
[00:04:40] Cheryl: I’m curious also in your own personal experience, because you say you know it’s step by step, right? So, how did you kind of as it from a practicing lay Buddhist then, decide to take the next step to become a monastic, and then step by step going forward?
[00:04:55] Ven Drachom: Once you find your teacher, right? And you find a very unmistaken teacher, and you take her take his advice at that. Since you don’t know, you need to hear someone know better than you, all right, you know? If you find a very unmistaken teacher, then it become very easier. You just follow what he tell you to do. Then you just do do the thing.
[00:05:11] Cheryl: So, it’s trust in your teacher.
[00:05:12] Ven Drachom: Yeah, trust in the teacher. Singing of his quality, his kindness. Because of my soldiering background, I decided that we all die one day, one quite clear.
[00:05:19] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:05:20] Ven Drachom: No one don’t die one. Everybody will die. So, when I die, must have no fear, no regret. Die pretty happy. I done whatever I can. So, I pray. I pray that I receive everyone’s suffering forever, even in hell. Then I give all my happiness to them. Then if I die this way, I got no regret. So, when I suffer, I got no I got no problem in suffering, because I’m taking other people’s one. I truly mean it. Now I take your suffering. So, through the blessing to other thing, you have to from your own side, all right? Say that is this the best I can do right now for others? Then you start to because in the long run it’s very structured. So, he’s able to bring you from beginning knowing that, okay, what are the main thing you need to know that in permanent perfect human rebirth karma suffering a lower realm taking refuge then the three higher training with the 12 link then sequentially bring you even the suffering of thing then you create aversion here in samsara. I always cheat myself. Then this is the real enemy right now because of my open my big fat mouth I always challenge her.
[00:06:13] Cheryl: I’m actually very curious. Just now you said like how do we you were you take on everyone’s suffering. Yeah. How do you do that without getting overwhelmed?
[00:06:22] Ven Drachom: You you have to start with small bit first, all right? This called lojong. It’s one of the main dondar of a bodhisattva practice. To generate bodhicitta there’s two method. The seven point one one effect and another one like that. It’s called object love compassion. As long as someone is a human being, a being, a sentient with a mind, they definitely potential of suffering and you wish, you know, I will receive then you from the very depth of your heart I will take. I will take. And you determine. And then you don’t think anymore already come back. Like you have to be so determined. This is what the great bodhisattva they do.
[00:06:57] Cheryl: And how’s the experience? So, when you take in you feel all of that pain? So, there’s a visualization we do. You
[00:07:02] Ven Drachom: Imagine going inside here you destroy yourself cherishing. So, it’s like if someone kill you because of certain things that my teacher tell me affect me very very much. So, I got 32 teachers. One of the teachers was caught by the Tibet the Chinese in 59. They went to the prison Gulag. They were tortured for 19 years. Our forefather he told Tenzin Gyatso hey, you you want to open up China if you continue doing this all right you’re not going to open up. Do the absolute what you need to do. Those not necessary let go. So, he decided to let go all the prisoner inside the thing. So, my teacher got released. They went to see my my main ordination master he’s on the Dalai Lama. So, he is on the list ask my teacher so what was the the most difficult thing you all experienced you are most fearful of in the prison?” So, they told this one thing maybe some form of torturing technique or whatever. So, among the group they say this, “This man this group of men who tortured me for 19 years, I’m so afraid the day he kill me, I can’t generate love for them.” So, right now someone just scold you a bit, give you a black face, or you cannot take it. So, I take that as a standard I want. She tortured me 19 years. He going to kill me. I’m most afraid I can’t love him. Yeah, I want to bring him to enlightenment. Now, that’s the standard we’re talking about, right? I will do some puja, I will give some food. I want to become quite lower right now. I’m not saying people lower, but for me, right? Don’t go lower, go higher already. I told you double double tall. Come on, I want to do do bigger. No big don’t do. Jumbo lie down. No suffering come or something like that. Come. Come. I command you to come. Those great practitioners do not do puja. You know you do prayer. Oh, I’m so sick or I do prayer or a few signals. Now, you do puja to say, “May I take all your suffering?” Ah, that’s a different right now.
[00:08:44] Cheryl: And it’s very interesting because it’s very counterintuitive as well. Most people see suffering, they run away. What more taking and welcoming and embracing other people’s uh
[00:08:52] Ven Drachom: Ah, this is a different. The bodhisattva are like firemen, you know? When fire come, everybody run out. But the firemen go in.
[00:08:57] Cheryl: That’s true.
[00:08:58] Ven Drachom: Let’s go back. I already decided watching rule for high do zhong sheng. Then run with the For the very first time when you practice, all right? There’s something inside there that suddenly become awaken, alive, all right? For the very first time, there’s the freshness in your thought. Wow.
[00:09:17] Cheryl: Can you tell us more about that first time?
[00:09:19] Ven Drachom: Buddha taught two category of dharma. So, one of the dharma is parable. So, in one of the life, all right? The Buddha was a was a crow. So, there was a big big big big big fire, you know? So, everybody was running out. The animal running out. But the crow was running in, you know? Flying in. Then they all tell him, “Why are you going in when everybody is going out?” He say, “I got a jar of water in my beak. I want to put out the fire to feed one from suffering. Wow. Now, this is our determination unit. So, when you meet the un-mistaken teacher, they got this our quality, you’re going to follow suit. You will meet a teacher tonsure pastor, you also become tonsure pastor, lah. No pain, no gain, no do, no get. Something cannot become nothing and nothing cannot become something, it’s quite clear, cause and effect. So, we all wish for money to come. You never give how you’re going to receive.
[00:10:01] Cheryl: So,
[00:10:02] Ven Drachom: Mhm.
[00:10:02] Cheryl: For someone living a normal life today, right? Average person, how can they start becoming a spiritual warrior in their own way? Okay, good. In their own way, when you say the first rule to become even learn to take the thing is first not to anything that harm your own mind. Because in the longer term, if you do not live a ethical life, all right? You will not be able to do whatever. You will be not be supported by ethics. Ethics is like the ground for everything to grow. So, for a spiritual warrior, so beginning, first keep the five precept, do the 10 virtuous section. At a certain point of time, then think, whatever I do, try to have the concept of sharing. I try to share 50/50. In a certain point, I love to share everything with other people. I got no problem. Then slowly, slowly, slowly, think more, analyze a little bit more. Is this the best I can do for others? Pause for a while. When you eat food, let’s say I [snorts] go to a nice place eat food, because I’m vegan. I don’t eat onion, garlic. I don’t take dinner. Means I go overseas, all right? It’s a little bit tricky, but I say it’s my choice, all right? Because when I know why monks don’t eat after dinner, because the chewing of the food, the sound, make all those hungry ghosts celebrate and they suffer. I don’t want them to suffer. No one need to suffer because I need to live. Then we can speak less, all right? Will be much useful. Because you will think more. Because by thinking correctly, what can I do for others? Then they will say, “Mhm, maybe I try to do this. At least I don’t harm them verbally.” So, the the five precept and the 10 virtuous section sort of got you already. Even we do this very well, then we say warrior. So, the very first time, you are first level warriors, warrior against your gross habit. Mhm. You haven’t touched the inner one, huh? The self-cherishing, self-grasping, huh? Mhm.
[00:11:34] Ven Drachom: Still the gross one still. Can do that, then slowly go in. First you have to pray to find your teacher. Your teacher that is a warrior one, then you can become warrior. If your teacher not warrior, cannot become warrior. Sorry.
[00:11:44] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:11:44] Ven Drachom: You see, huh? A bunch of lion led by a goat, no, can only become goat. Clear? A bunch of goat led by lion, all the goat behave like lion. Clear?
[00:11:53] Cheryl: Yes. And you’re saying that um to find a teacher, prayers and aspirations would be enough?
[00:12:00] Ven Drachom: Yeah. You pray. You pray to find your teacher, you will come. You pray, “May I find a teacher I can communicate, got all these requirement, can lead me completely to full enlightenment.” And it might come immediately. Don’t come all like 10 years later or what. It will come immediately tomorrow.
[00:12:12] Cheryl: Wow.
[00:12:13] Ven Drachom: You must think like that. Then the thing will come. Because this is the aspiration, and these are the cause and effect. Without create cause, you don’t get the effect, what?
[00:12:19] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:12:19] Ven Drachom: Many people did not know that this simple cause and You stand at McDonald’s where the people give food, they say “Good morning, sir. Good morning, sir.” Then you must say “I want one whatever meal.” Then the thing come, right, no?
[00:12:27] Cheryl: Right.
[00:12:28] Ven Drachom: Cause and effect. Come on.
[00:12:29] Cheryl: It makes
[00:12:30] Ven Drachom: Yeah, later we’ll go lunch or we’ll sit there. The people look at us.
[00:12:35] Cheryl: No cause.
[00:12:36] Ven Drachom: No, you you have to do something, right, no? So finding a teacher become very important. We don’t have a lot of time left. Whatever the time left in your life, make it as you useful as yourself. If a thought make you become negative, not so good, let go of it. Remember the rubber band. Couple of breath. Take three deep breath. You should be quite good. Three deep breath able to make it. Get a big hot water, drink, then you feel pretty good again. I think that would be quite useful. To become a warrior. So when you warrior, when you come out here, the first thing is you go you must draw for a soldier. Especially for every Monday we go to the range and shoot. The first thing we do is to make sure you check our gun or weapon or what. So when you come to in relation to this or that, every morning we wake up with the motivation, “May whoever see me never ever suffer. May I bring them to enlightenment.” You tell like that. It’s like drawing a weapon, really.
[00:13:17] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:13:17] Ven Drachom: Then you go out. I will take everyone’s suffering forever. Because this strength of ascertainment must be so powerful, you can overcome every adverse negative thought people say one. Like some people do most irritating thing to you. You say regarding irritating you do I will forever love you. Decided already. So you come from a point of ascertainment rather than kind of what the guy decide then you try to know what I mean. Sifu tell me cannot. Must love the person. Then you’re struggling you become negatively affected already. But now you come from the point of ascertainment I already decided you come
[00:13:46] Cheryl: Mhm.
[00:13:47] Ven Drachom: You come from the point I really know what to do already. That’s different. So you’re creating rather than reacting. So Dharma is a lot of creation, creating fresh fresh fresh fresh. Reacting means the thing will happen now. Sifu say some prayer for you. Sifu say don’t worry you will be okay. Also depend how much you can receive now. Whether you got how much of the comic connection you have with the teacher. If the teacher you got faith then quite easy. It will definitely work. The radio station always broadcast one. It’s just that when you go out on a boat whoever never tune in it’s not you know you do your job already correct? You go and do a bit of editing you do all the thing. Then what happen next? If you broadcast out people never tune in it’s not your fault what? It’s the person never tune in what? Then they tune in then they get the whatever they can understand. Whoever see me today all right never go lower realm. I pray this way.
[00:14:28] Cheryl: Oh.
[00:14:29] Ven Drachom: Whoever is here never go lower realm. Cannot go lower realm. Cannot forever. Cannot go. If you ever think that you’re going you think of me I will go for on your behalf. This is my promise.
[00:14:38] Cheryl: Thank you so much Pen Cin Drashom.
[00:14:40] Ven Drachom: Yeah thank you.
[00:14:40] Cheryl: For your wisdom.
[00:14:41] Ven Drachom: You will probably likely whatever you do if you say take out your homework then we will know where are you already. It’s a very structured one. You never do that trading means you don’t have that thing. If you have that means you’re going to have that thing. Every effect come from a proper cause. Then if you don’t have the particular proper cause all right so the cause is like listening to the unmistakable. So you work hard. You are young. Young all right? The most 30 maybe 20 plus. So relatively young so you will continue for the next 30 years. Next time you come up here you talk all right? After 30 years I remember when we say I come on live up. I’m not afraid anymore. I have no more fear because I got love. You replace all the fear with love. Understand or not? Whoever make you irritated, love them even deeper. You melt them through your power of your love. You throw them in your your lake of compassion. Let them drown there and they bliss out.
[00:15:36] Cheryl: I had a lot of takeaways speaking to Venerable Tenzin Drakpa and the main one is regarding how we hold the precepts as a practicing Buddhist and yet he was tasked to kill the terrorist. What shocked me about the way he holds his precepts is about looking at the bigger picture. What is the purpose? What is the objective? What from my conversation with him was that he was very brave. Whether it’s something difficult, whether it’s something unpleasant, he always had that let’s go, let’s go kind of attitude and that really reminds me to be brave whenever I have defilements that sometimes scare me, sometimes terrify me, such as loneliness, such as insecurities. And and I think I will be taking that from this conversation. So, what about you? What will you be taking away from this conversation? Let us know in the comments below and see you in the next episode. Bye-bye.
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What happens when you follow the path everyone tells you will lead to happiness, only to arrive and feel strangely empty?
For Venerable Damcho, Buddhism did not begin as a childhood faith or family tradition. She was not born into a Buddhist family. In fact, she had little interest in religion at all. Like many Singaporeans, she followed the familiar route of studying hard, doing well, and trying to build a life that looked successful from the outside.
But during university, heartbreak, anxiety, and a deep sense of disappointment made her question what she had been chasing. Meditation first entered her life almost by accident, through yoga and a campus Buddhist group. What began as three minutes of watching the breath slowly became something much deeper: a way to understand fear, reactivity, dissatisfaction, and the restless search for happiness.
In this episode, Cheryl speaks with Venerable Damcho about her unexpected journey into the Dhamma, from her first encounter with Buddhist practice, to making aspirations at Bright Hill Temple, to a short-term novitiate in Lumbini that changed how she understood happiness.
She also shares honestly about the realities of monastic life, including the doubts, hard work, service, and inner resistance that came with training at Sravasti Abbey. Far from the romantic idea of floating on clouds in peaceful meditation, her path involved cleaning toilets, shovelling concrete, leaving a relationship, and learning to face the afflictions of the mind directly.
This conversation is for anyone who has ever wondered why external success does not always bring peace, or whether a different kind of life is possible when we begin to take our deepest aspirations seriously.
About the Speaker
👤 Venerable Thubten Damcho is a Buddhist nun residing at Sravasti Abbey, one of the first Tibetan Buddhist training monasteries in the United States. Born and raised in Singapore, she graduated from Princeton University in 2006 and worked as a high school teacher and public policy analyst in the Singapore government before returning to the U.S. to take novice ordination in 2013. She tells her story in The Straits Times Singapore.
Venerable Damcho’s monastic life is rich and varied. She serves as assistant to Sravasti Abbey’s founder, author and well-known Buddhist teacher Venerable Thubten Chodron. Her other responsibilities range from translating Chinese texts into English to removing weeds from the Abbey’s 300-acre property. Venerable Damcho has given Dharma talks in Spokane, Idaho, California, India, and Singapore. She was the Chinese-English interpreter at a full ordination program in Taiwan in 2019, and has studied Tibetan through Maitripa College and with other teachers since 2017.
Key Takeaways
🧭 I just felt like I had been cheated
A raw reflection on chasing the life we are told will make us happy, only to ask: and then what?
🧘 My happiness is not dependent on all these external things
A short-term novitiate showed her that peace could arise even while waking early, wearing simple robes, and cleaning toilets.
🔥 It’s very difficult to identify the afflictions because I think they are true
A practical reminder that anger, self-pity, and fear often feel logical until we learn to see them clearly.
Transcript
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Venerable Damcho: So I just followed the typical Singapore path right go to schools that are supposedly successful. Felt I did everything my parents told me to do I did things I wanted to do. And it was like and then what I I just felt like I had been cheated. So by the end of that trip uh I had bought an air ticket to the US. And I came back and I told my boyfriend we’re we’re breaking up we’re sleeping on mats on the ground. And this temple that’s in partial construction we have we’re sharing the same little squat toilet. That we clean in the mornings you know you’re getting up at five in the morning. And I was so happy I really wish I could do this but I can’t do this in this life. May I be able to ordain in my next life and what’s weird is that I was doing this prayer at the age of 22.
[00:01:20] Cheryl: How did you first meet with Buddhism?
[00:01:20] Venerable Damcho: Um I was not born into a Buddhist family. And I had zero interest in any kind of religion and my family is just not religious maybe. My sister converted to Christianity in her teens and you know I went with her to church with a few times. Just to kind of check out what community she had joined and while it seemed like she had met very nice people. She gained a lot of self confidence um I just didn’t feel it was a good fit for me religion wise either. So that that was just out of curiosity and I had other friends who were all Christian. You know I went to a certain kind of school where the people yeah it seemed like majority of my friends were Christian. Or not religious at all and so I just followed the typical Singapore path right. Go to schools that are supposedly successful and try and do something successful with your life externally. Um but when I was in my third year at college I really hit um. I guess a big shift in my life um all these things that I was trying to. You know you’re trying to line up all your ducks in a row and they just were not getting into a row. You know I was dumped by my boyfriend I was just confused upset and one of the things that was happening on college campus. Was a meditation class I was very anxious it was third year of university there was just so much going on. Yes I was heartbroken so doing yoga help everyday help me to just feel grounded. Calm down and at the end of the yoga class there would be a short meditation. Maybe just three minutes and I would fall asleep.
[00:03:46] Cheryl: Was it the one where you’re lying down in the corpse pose?
[00:03:57] Venerable Damcho: No no that’s that’s ya corpse pose but she you know this instructor would have us sit and then watch our breath. And then do Om or something I’m like what’s going on but I would fall asleep and I thought huh. You know how come I can’t even sit for three minutes so I got very curious about what this thing called meditation was. And then there was a Buddhist meditation group on campus so I joined the group um. And it was led by a PhD student who had been a monk before at Dharma Drum yeah. But he disrobed and then and then became um yeah a graduate student and so he led the group. And then we would just chant the Heart Sutra which again I thought was very weird I’m like. What is this wooden thing that they’re hitting and chanting but okay and then we would sit. And I found the breathing meditation really helpful I don’t know I just really connected with that practice. Just to sit count the breath um it helped me to be a lot less reactive. Um and I saw the results in that there was a period where I felt sick uh. On when I was far away from home right and um instead of worrying or getting distressed or thinking like oh. What am I gonna tell my mother she’s going to freak out I thought okay. Let’s just sit you know just breathe and I could see like okay I’m having this kind of anxious response. But it has nothing to do with reality I don’t have any test results I don’t actually know what’s going on. So why freak out right just yeah take one day at a time and so the practice helped me in that way to just not be so reactive. And eventually there was nothing actually very serious so I was thought oh you know if I had spent all that time getting worried and freaking out. Um that would have been a waste of energy and it wouldn’t have helped the situation. So things like that started to help me see like oh meditation while it calms my mind in that moment. Has a real impact on my day to day life dealing with illness um less reactive in my relationships with people. Then I got very interested in the teachings behind that you know like huh who taught this method uh. Why the breath yeah what’s actually going on and then um the graduate student who led the group. Was able to answer a lot of questions he took us on a beginner’s retreat led by Dharma Drum. So that was my entry point.
[00:07:36] Cheryl: And how did that lead you to the monastic life?
[00:07:44] Venerable Damcho: Oh okay it’s kind of a long progression like slow progression you know it doesn’t happen overnight. But one of the things that was really helpful was um when I came back to Singapore again. I was looking for a place to keep connected to a practice of some kind. I wouldn’t say I was Buddhist yet you know I had gone for I had sat with the Buddhist group. Um went for one short retreat I read a book by his holiness you know so interested in the ideas. But again I was like organized religion I don’t know you know it’s just not me. And I’m like super into the arts and everyone’s kind of going off the wall. Or doing whatever they want to do so organized religion just seem very off putting. But the key was a good friend of mine who had worked in the arts. Was working at Bright Hill Temple at the time and uh she was the one who reached out and said oh um. I’m working at the temple now are you interested in coming and at the time I was like what. You left the theatre to work at a temple what are you thinking and then you’re doing such important work for. Like community theatre reaching out to youth what’s going on so I went really just to see her and be like. Why did you leave you know what are you doing at a temple um so that was my first time ever stepping into a temple. And that was Bright Hill Temple yeah again I would never have stepped into some kind of big religious. Old school Chinese temple building right it’s like oh it’s the place you go and to pay respect to your deceased. Relatives twice a year that’s it you know go only because your parents made you. So going of my own free will to see this friend working in a temple. Like okay and then she told me about how there was a young monk who was teaching. But very low key not advertising it was just like a small youth group and she said you know. If you’re interested come by and so that I said okay you know I know her. I’m kind of curious like is this the same as the group I sat with at college. So I showed up and uh the group it was a really nice setup yeah there maybe just nine or 10 of us and uh. This venerable had just come back from ordaining after five years so also kind of young. Close to our age and we could ask him anything and we were reading the book what Buddhists believe. Just slowly and then with a little bit of explanation Q&A so I’ve yeah so I found that very rich. Yeah so I started to come to that group once a week yeah and that really benefited me. And I was walking around the temple on a break time with a friend and a young man. We were all volunteering together and this young man you know had long hair and he was like uh. I’m just not feeling so great you know my girlfriend dumped me maybe I should become a monk. And then my friend who had been Buddhist for a longer time said oh that’s a very virtuous aspiration. Yeah and then we happen to see our teacher of the youth group coming and she said he’s come. Why don’t we ask him how to become a monk then this young man is like mm okay. And in my heart I was like oh actually I’m really curious how to become monk or nun. I was like hmm but don’t tell anyone right so we go out and then we asked him like. Oh you know this young man has my friend said oh this young man he has an aspiration to ordain. What should he do and our our teacher said oh you know it’s very virtuous to have such thoughts. And said this is Vesak um I guess the energy is very good you should now go before all the Buddhas here and make this aspiration. Um request to meet a good spiritual mentor and have all your obstacles cleared and at that moment I just had this feeling like oh. That’s what I wanna do yeah so I went everywhere all around the temple the three of us started going everywhere to make these aspirations. I mean I don’t know what aspirations the other two made but I started to like yeah please. You know I’m so tired um of my working life I’m just really really tired no. The pyramid was I’m too old to do this it’s too late I really wish I could do this. But I can’t do this in this life may I be able to ordain in my next life. And what’s weird is that I was doing this prayer at the age of 22. Oh it was very young yeah correct I was so so in some ways I thought who. Maybe someone in the past continuum must have made that prayer you know it was too late for that person. Yeah and they made it happen in the next life yeah so I just went everywhere making these prayers. Not really understanding why yeah and then at the very end of that evening it was very quiet and I had the thought. Maybe it was very noisy maybe the Buddha didn’t hear me I should try again quite alone quietly. So I went and I I stayed behind all the youth had left I was carrying this big bag. And I went to the door one of the halls and the door was closed. And I remember putting my bag down and just feeling like again oh I came too late the temple is closed. You know but let’s just make the aspiration and then my teacher showed up at the time. And he saw and I talked to him and and you know I said I’m back here to make this aspiration again. And that’s how he found out I had this aspiration so that was kind of the starting point. Uh yeah he just said to me this is your past virtuous roots ripening善根发绰you know. And I was like what’s that what are virtuous fruits what is Fatiha but you know. Basically like you’ve made such an aspiration in the past or whatever and causes and conditions are coming together. To inspire that aspiration to arise again about how the causes and conditions will come together in this life. Whether or not it leads to ordination and then that’s a whole different journey like the whole process of ordaining is a slow one. So you have to get to know the community you know you offer service there. They observe your behaviour yeah it’s not like you show up and fill up with application form. And it’s like okay tomorrow come back for interview so we went there we met the nun. One of the nuns who kind of got to know chatted with us and basically she said oh. You know the three of you I think there were three of us are very young in the drama. She said you should study hard first keep uh develop a daily practice and just keep going you know. And see how causes and conditions come together for this aspiration and then she said to go to this website. Thubten Chodron.org and there you will find a lot of information on monastic life and you can take your time to read it. So that’s how I found Venerable Children’s website and so like that nonsense I did read up more and yeah. And I found it a very helpful resource and I started to think oh how can I meet this teacher. You know because she lives in the US she’s so far away yeah so that’s one piece um. At the same time my fellow friends from that little group you know we went to the Chinese nunnery together. Um one of them was going on a novice a short term novitiate program in the Theravada tradition. And she said oh you know do you want to come yeah and I said ya. Of course ya to experience what it could be like.
[00:19:06] Cheryl: At that point you were still exploring all the different traditions?
[00:19:16] Venerable Damcho: Yeah and I would say you know in Singapore we just get exposed to so many different traditions I. I never thought of it as even having to search or explore it was just like oh. You go to the temple there was a Theravada teacher teaching at Bright Hill at the time. Meditation class I would attend his class the another teacher I studied with Chinese tradition yeah. So it all just seem very natural yeah to I didn’t even really think too much about the. Is there a difference or yeah so when she said okay we’re doing this novitiate program. Like okay I don’t know the teacher leading it I don’t know anyone except you. But I just want the novitiate experience and it was happening at Lumbini so. You know at the Buddha’s birthplace so I just jumped feet first so I do. And uh yeah so we went on this novitiate program and I think that was a really impactful experience. The idea was to do a novitiate at all the four holy sites uh but I only went for the first one. Um yeah and that was my first experience you know wearing the the women couldn’t do the. The ordination itself right so I think we took the eight anagarika precepts um but we didn’t handle money either. And then it was optional whether we wanted to shave our heads or not the men took the 10 novice precepts. So they shaved their heads they wore the brown robes and then for the women we. We could shave or not and then we wore the white like the Meiji outfit I guess yeah. So um I chose to shave my head so yeah it was just a impactful experience. Just wearing the some kind of robe having head shaved and what really hit me was. You know I was in this room with four other women I didn’t know oh. Except with my friend we’re sleeping on mats on the ground in this temple that’s in partial construction. We have we are sharing the same little squat toilet that we clean in the mornings. You know you’re getting up at five in the morning and I was so happy wow. It was really weird I would like go in the morning clean the toilet and be like I’m so happy. Yeah on the beach you know doing meditation yeah and for a moment I was like how I’ve lived my life up to this point. Chasing after all these things that I thought would make me happy externally and I’ve not felt this level of peace and happiness. You know just chasing after all these external things yeah the external success when I got it I was surprised how unfulfilling it was. Yeah that’s one reason why I started to explore an internal path as well when I graduated from university. You know I felt I did everything my parents told me to do I did things I wanted to do. And it was like and then what you know like where where where does this go I. I just felt like I had been cheated in this weird way like I ran this very long race. The other told people told me it was good to run I’m like okay I got to the finish point then. And I was like okay and you got a medal then then you know I was very disappointed angry at some very deep level. Yeah and that’s what made me wonder like could the cause of happiness come from something inside. And in some weird way this um novitiate program answered the question that way. It’s like I’m wearing weird clothes I’m bald I’m waking up very early in the morning. I’m cleaning a toilet so happy like why yeah so of course you know someone just told me I was just good karma ripening. But it helped me see like yeah the my happiness is not dependent on all these external things. That other people tell me are success or that I imagine are success or will bring happiness. It’s something else altogether it’s a sense of internal peace and contentment and yeah internal fulfillment. So so that’s that was very impactful on that retreat um also it was through this retreat that was led by a Theravada monk. That I met the Tibetan tradition so he was also studying with a Tibetan teacher. And during the the time uh we were on the novice retreat they taught us mantras in the Tibetan tradition. And after that I met friends uh who were studying with this uh Bhante Mahinda. Some of his students were also studying with the Kagyu Centre in Singapore so they were like oh. Do you want to come to Kagyu Centre that’s how I met the Tibetan tradition. Through the Theravada monks yeah correct so I like that’s why I appreciate so much about um. Places like Singapore and also the US I think immigrant societies where you have all the different traditions coming together. You know intermingling you study with different teachers that’s okay but of course we try and focus on one group practice. Yeah so through them I met um the Tibetan practice and I Learned how to do the Chenresi practice.
[00:26:32] Cheryl: What is that?
[00:26:32] Venerable Damcho: To visualize thousand arm Chenresi um the embodiment of compassion in the Tibetan tradition. You know has thousand arms with a eye in the middle of each palm thousand arms thousand eyes. Kind of reaching out to benefit all beings um and I love that practice and I started to want to learn more about it. And Venerable Chodron had written a book about it so that was the first book I read by her. And learning how the meditation practices in the Tibetan tradition just really resonated with me on.
On that retreat yeah Bhante Mahinda told us at all these holy sites to again make strong aspirations. Is it you know in front of these uh in these very virtuous places make strong spiritual aspirations. And one of those that I made was oh I really hope I get to meet Venerable Chodron. You know I’ve gone to her website I think she seems like a very good teacher. You know but she lives in the US I’m never going to see her please please please. And then the funny thing is at the end of that pilgrimage um someone I. A new friend I met said oh my teacher is coming to Singapore soon would you like to meet my teacher. I said who’s your teacher and she said Venerable Thubten Chodron no way I’m like huh. And she’s like yeah I’ve been volunteering with her for many years she comes to teach in Singapore every year. And then I’m like yeah serious no way I’m like yes of course I’m coming wow. So that’s when I started to attend her talks you know develop a relationship with the Abby. And then eventually one of the nuns from the Abby who came to Singapore met with me. And she said yeah come come and explore you know come when at a time when there’s no. No big activities at the monastery so you can see what the day to day life is like. Yeah so I took her advice and that’s when I went to visit the Abbey. Yeah so I went there for two weeks and I totally freaked out after that.
Yeah because it was not at all what I expected you know and I think often that’s the case. People expect oh you’re ordained in some monastery you’re gonna spend all your time meditating. Like floating on a cloud it’s very peaceful and you know the Abbey at the time and still. It’s a monastery that is was starting up you know it’s a very young monastery. And everyone’s involved in building and offering service and I mean and and most monasteries actually have a good amount of service. Yeah because especially the Mahayana ones right the whole point is to outreach and serve and. You know so you’re going to do a fair amount of things that just are about service right. It’s not about your own practice in a room feeling calm you know it’s like oh. Gotta work with a lot of people I don’t know I may not agree with doing things that I am not trained in. Feel like very incompetent confused yeah so you get to watch your mind deal with all that. Yeah and that’s part of the practice yeah but straight up you know you coming in hoping for quiet meditation. Floating on clouds like oh we’re going to work in the forest to clear brush to prevent fires. Okay worst of all we’re going to shovel concrete because we’re building a teacher’s cabin. And now we’re going to shovel these rocks to fill the pit that we dug. Like this is not what I expected it’s too hard they’re working too hard I don’t want to do this so I left the monastery with a lot of doubt.
Actually and on the way I thought maybe maybe after I quit my job I knew by then I definitely wanted to quit my job. I was working for the government yeah that the government Singapore government very kindly paid for my education. You know as you know you go on a scholarship they paid for my education. And then in return you have to serve a bond right and it was a fulfilling career. I worked in a high I taught secondary school I worked in public policy for education for Ministry of manpower. So doing things that were very very meaningful I wanted to be of benefit as far as possible.
To whoever I have the opportunity to benefit maybe that sounds very idealistic like whatever. So that’s why I wanted to leave like just to do something that was based on. That was more in line with my own personal values and ideals so I knew then I was gonna quit my job. Yeah so anyway while leaving the monastery after my little freak out I thought maybe I’ll just move to Indonesia and write a book. Indonesia somewhere where the cost of living is lower you can like rent a little house and just write book or whatever. That was my little fantasy and anyway after I left then my mind did a big U turn. I met a very nice Buddhist man you know I went the whole hog and explored the other. And two of us were like oh maybe we should start a business yeah so I was in all that when suddenly um. I was still in touch with the monastery of a Shravasti Abbey of course I still have my own practice. You know but of course like very minimal lah like volunteer on the weekend meditate 20 minutes if good. NPS 10 less some days no meditation whatever you know you’re in your busy lay life um. And then one of the nuns wrote to me and said oh Venerable Chodron is going on pilgrimage. Do you want to help her out no she’s no she’s teaching in Indonesia for the first time. And part of it is a pilgrimage to Borobudur do you want to support and help that event. Um you know so I and yeah and I thought oh Indonesia I love Indonesia sure. And so I went with my boyfriend uh we went surfing and whatever you know party. And then I’m like okay bye I’m gonna go surf my teacher and when I was at you know. Kind of up close seeing how Venerable Chodron lives her life what a monastic does. She’s constantly just trying to benefit whoever is in front of her I just thought hmm. I think I’m wasting my life like oh I really need to take this aspiration I’ve had for. For some years now quite seriously I need to take time out and and focus on this so by the end of that trip uh.
I had bought an air ticket to the US and I came back and I told my boyfriend we’re. We’re breaking up oh and I’m going to go to the monastery and do the Exploring Monastic Life program. And that did not land very well he’s like what weren’t we just on holiday. And you came back and this is what happened have you gone insane so you know that was its own process. But I just felt like I mean I was 29 and so you’re at the age where you’re making big decisions right. Like you don’t want to get into like a marriage or whatever without being able to commit or having thought through.
These are the aspirations yeah so I thought it’s only fair that yeah we take a break now yeah. So we broke up and then I went to the to the US and I went to the Exploring Monastic Life program. And that’s what helped me to see that that that program helped me to work out a lot of my own questions. But that’s when I also got to know the community better because back then we were quite small. The Abbey was still small enough where the whole community would participate so you got to know all the monastics and hear their backgrounds and. Yeah and from that experience I thought I think this is a good fit for me. In terms of someone who’s fairly westernized studied in the US I would say I subscribe to more progressive values. Um yeah so that’s one piece I believed in the vision of the place I felt very connected to Venerable Chodron as a teacher. And so I thought okay I’ll stay on and just keep following the training process. So at the Abbey you go for exploring monastic life and try and stay on for another two months. Spend the first three just spend three months then leave and reflect on your experience. And if you are interested then you can request to return for a longer period of training. So some people do that in a few phases depending where they are in life.
I had quit my job so I said yeah I went back came back to Singapore. Tied up loose ends and I said I’m coming back for the one year lay training. So you take the eight anagarika precepts you know you train as a lay person. And for some people it’s more than one year some less you know depending again. But I requested ordination after about six months of that and um yeah so causes and conditions came together. And I ordained as a novice with what we call like the special trainings to prepare for full ordination. And then after that I went to Taiwan for the full ordination after two and a half years of training at the monastery. Yeah.
[00:39:50] Cheryl: And what is a teaching that um you find very inspiring?
[00:39:50] Venerable Damcho: I feel to say. Um you know I wouldn’t say it’s a specific teaching um I mean the heart of what we study in our tradition. Is the stages of the path to awakening it’s also known as the Lamrim where all these different teachings in sutas and sutras. Right it’s it can be difficult to know as you read a suta or sutra. Like how does this fit in with all the other teachings so the great what’s so amazing about this Lamrim.
The stages of the path to awakening this genre of teachings is that they’ve been arranged in a step by step method. Starting from beings like people who want just a good rebirth up to people who are striving for renunciation. And liberation from Samsara and up to the wish to become fully awakened as a Buddha. And attain Buddhahood so it’s kind of a step by step procedure and that’s what we study and cycle through again and again. Relying on especially the texts of Lama Tsongkhapa that’s his his kind of elucidation of the stages of the path is what we study. And there are many many different authors many but you know the structure is the same. And I find that extremely extremely helpful and that’s the core of what I study and practice. Because it helps me understand you know any teaching that I hear it’s like where does this fit. You know and what’s the motivation here uh when we hear this kind of teaching. What what’s the impact uh supposed to be on my mind yeah so that’s one aspect we also study a lot.
The thought transformation teachings um so you called it’s called Lojong so here you’re learning to turn your mind. Instead of responding with anger and aversion and distress to difficult situations how do we see them as opportunities to practice. How do we shift the way we think and transform that so that genre is very rich as well. Cause it’s something you can do day to day and but I will say what I enjoy most and what inspires me most. Is the way Venerable Chodron delivers these traditional teachings and very often she will perform our afflictions. So you know what how the angry mind sounds right she’ll or how the self doubt uh. Pity mind sounds and she will kind of give examples from her own life or her own experience of what that sounds like.
You know and perform it in the Dharma teaching and sometimes people are very shocked by this and they’re like huh. I mean first of all you know how come this nun is so dramatic but they’re like ooh it’s. It’s exactly how I think yeah but here she is displaying the affliction full force in front of me. Yeah sometimes people are like is she making fun of me right you know but I find that so helpful because it helps me to see oh. My mind works like that it’s so ridiculous I think the same way or I can be like oh.
How do I find that in myself because I don’t know about you but it’s very difficult to identify the afflictions. Because I think they are true as you know when my mind is afflicted I’m thinking oh. This is totally logical yes this person harm me they’re an idiot we have to find some way to harm them back. It’s like this is logic you know this is what we think is logic you’re like no. It’s affliction yeah so that’s what and sometimes it’s so helpful to have someone kind of perform that. Or play that out you know or like yeah I can’t do anything right and she always does the self pity one.
I’m just I just so lousy everybody’s better and when you’re in that mind you think it’s true right. So yeah I’m so lousy I suck let’s forget it let’s not get out of bed. And she’s like really come on you have to question those thoughts they’re not logical that’s an affliction. You’re caught in self pity you’re stuck time to apply antidotes yeah so that I find very practical. Yeah kind of the delivery where you know you can read the definition in the text like oh. Anger is a mind that exaggerates the negative qualities of something yeah yeah okay then here’s your teacher showing you what it could sound like. Or what it looks like and how it plays out I’m like oh that’s something I can take into my meditation. How does anger work in my mind and then when I can identify that then I can test out all the different antidotes.
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Caveat: This is based on personal learnings and I seek forgiveness for any errors and omissions.
Jetavana, one of Buddha’s most frequented residences and where many teachings were given
Why go on a Buddhist pilgrimage
A Buddhist pilgrimage to the 4 holy sites can be a catalyst or accelerant for practice. It is an experiential contemplation of the Buddha’s life and teaching.
It is an opportunity for us to put time and effort into contemplating and understanding for ourselves what the Buddha was trying to teach and gain clarity on how we want to conduct ourselves in daily life through our body, speech and mind.
Going on a pilgrimage is skillful when it strengthens Saddhā (confidence in the Buddha and his teachings as a way to end suffering), inspires Sila (our virtue and commitment to be good) and Bhāvanā (refers to meditation that purifies the mind of unwholesome mental states that tie us to samsara). It gives us a sense of urgency towards spiritual practice.
It is only life changing if you choose to change how you wish to live your life before, during and after a pilgrimage.
Mahabodhi Temple, Bodhgaya, the place where Buddha attained enlightenment
When to go on a Buddhist pilgrimage
Peak pilgrimage season is during the winter months of October to March when the weather is cool and dry.
How to go on a Buddhist pilgrimage
Set a clear, wholesome purpose. For example: My intention for this upcoming pilgrimage is to reinforce my refuge in Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha; cultivate virtue and insight; dedicate merit to all beings.
Once you set your intention, have a think about how you would like to align your intention with your behavior, speech and mind at least during the pilgrimage.
Perhaps you would like to make an effort to keep 5 or 8 precepts. 8 precepts are to support renunciation/restraint of sensuous stimulation to create better conditions for a peaceful mind.
Or perhaps you would prefer to put more effort and intention to soften your heart throughout the trip with the 4 brahmaviharas:
– Metta: wish safety and peace to all you meet.
– Karuna: be patient with crowds, discomfort, and others’ needs.
– Mudita: rejoice in others’ devotion and practice.
– Upekkha: meet delays, heat, cold, or disappointment with balance.
It would be good to have a beginner’s humility: arrive not to “collect” places but to be taught by them.
How to prepare for a Buddhist pilgrimage
Prepare the body
If you don’t already have a somewhat consistent meditation practice, it would be good to try getting used to the act of meditating. Try different forms of meditation so that you will have a toolbox you can reach into while you are on pilgrimage – be it metta, breath, walking meditation. This is something you can and should do while on pilgrimage. What better way to honour Buddha than practising what he taught while visiting the holy sites.
One of the many benefits of metta meditation is that one would be dear to animals.
On a practical level, one should take supplements to boost your immunity before the trip. You will be exposed to different environmental conditions so it’s good to make sure your body is as healthy as can be. It would also be a good idea to stock up on medication so that you can manage whatever illnesses/symptoms that crop up.
Prepare the mind
It would be good to understand the significance of the holy sites that you would be visiting. Ideally, do some research on the holy sites you are going to visit.
Many suttas begin with “So I have heard. On one occasion the Blessed One was dwelling at Savatthi in Jeta’s Grove, Anathapiṇḍika’s Park…”. Knowing the places and the suttas that were taught at these places really makes the suttas come alive.
I chanted the Dhammacakkappavattanasutta almost daily for a month leading up to the pilgrimage.
This allowed me to chant and reflect on the significance of what occurred at Sarnath. The place where Buddha set the wheel of Dhamma in motion. Without Buddha and his teachings, we would wander endlessly in Samsara (endless cycles of rebirth).
Destined to be born, grow old, get sick and die again and again. It is the place and moment where Buddha taught the Dhamma and a third party (Koṇḍañña, one of Buddha’s first 5 disciples) was able to realise the truth of the Dhamma and find the way out of Samsara. Let the significance of that sink in while you are at Sarnath.
What to expect while on pilgrimage
Happy DAYWA pilgrims with one of our wonderful guides and trip photographer, Champ
Expect the pilgrimage to be an extreme form of practice. Think of it like signing up for a marathon when you’ve never gone for a jog longer than 5km before. So to make this whole endeavor more productive, we’d better do some training beforehand.
A pilgrimage in India is likely to be a very different experience from our daily life. We will see, smell, hear a lot of things that we are not used to. It is a good time to practice awareness that the world and the people in it move and change in their own way and in their own time. Expecting or wanting them to behave in ways we prefer is what causes us suffering. Bring these learnings home.
Mindfulness is your friend. Just observe and note everything around you without judging — I like this, I don’t like that. This should’ve been done; that shouldn’t be done. Naturally, you will be exposed to a lot of pleasant, unpleasant and neutral stimuli. This is to be expected if you live in this world.
On a practical level, you can expect roads to be a bit bumpy/jammed, toileting situations that would not be ideal and beggars that may be waiting at the bus and could follow you all the way to the entrance of the holy site. As good as your intention may be to give out some cash, please do not whip out a wad of cash that may cause you to be mobbed.
You may try to hand out tips and snacks to beggars discreetly (usually when they’re alone). Or you could look for a reputable charitable institution doing good work in the area and make a donation there as a way to support the community.
What mental qualities to develop before, during (and most importantly, continuously after) a Buddhist pilgrimage?
Daily life can be repetitive and fast moving. Because of this, we may repeat the same mistakes again and again without taking the time to reflect on which behaviours we want to let go of and which we want to encourage. Many of us live life on autopilot, without really pausing to reflect on what we do and why we do it. Pilgrimage offers a change of pace and a chance to notice the thought patterns, behaviours, and habits we have become used to for better or for worse. Pause, and reflect: what kind of adjustments do we want to make to our lives.
Pilgrimage offers a helpful shift in pace. It is often guided by a wise teacher whom you can seek counsel from. And you’ll have plenty of time with well-practiced spiritual friends who can share their experiences and offer a Dhammic perspective.
For example, do you notice any “me first” habits that cause the heart and mind to become constricted? Perhaps the tendency to become impatient with others when they seem to be “in your way.” Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Or is there another way to relate to the world around you that would lead to less unhappiness? Do you notice any unhelpful mental narratives running quietly in the background of your mind? What stories do we tell ourselves that assume the world should be a certain way, or should treat us the way we want it to? Does it? We often compare ourselves with those around us: better, the same, or worse. What does that do to our mind and how we treat others?
When we begin to notice these habits, the next question naturally arises. If we want to cultivate a mind that is more open, steady and at ease, what qualities should we encourage? The Buddhist tradition offers a helpful framework in the form of the Ten Pāramīs, noble qualities that gradually train the mind towards generosity, wisdom and compassion. They can serve as a practical guide or “gold standard” that we return to when we are unsure how to respond to challenging situations.
If one does not know where to start, one could try to cultivate the Ten Pāramī to gently bring the mind, speech and actions back to wholesome states again and again while on pilgrimage.
The aim isn’t to beat ourselves up for not being perfect. The aim is to continuously build new patterns that eventually become our habitual response in any given circumstance.
Dana (Generosity):
Generosity begins with letting go of subtle forms of greed and ill will. This might be as simple as allowing someone else to board the bus first even when you are tired and feeling overheated, or choosing not to respond harshly when someone invades your personal space. Each small act of generosity softens the heart.
Sila (Virtue):
Sīla is the foundation that supports all the other qualities. It involves mindfulness in speech, action, and livelihood. On pilgrimage, virtue may be tested through frustration, gossip, or impatience. Upholding Sīla keeps the mind clear and free from regret.
Nekkhamma (Renunciation):
Renunciation does not mean deprivation but a willingness to release selfish desires. It is the choice to step back from constantly seeking comfort, praise, or control. On pilgrimage, Nekkhamma might appear as accepting simpler meals, basic accommodation, or an unexpected change of schedule without resentment.
Panna (Wisdom):
By stepping away from your usual routine, you may have more space to develop wisdom through reflection and observation. We begin to see more clearly which actions lead to peace and which lead to agitation. This understanding grows from direct experience rather than intellectual knowledge.
Viriya (Energy):
This is the effort to keep practising even when familiar habits pull us back into distraction or complacency. Feeling frustrated? Notice how complaining, whether internally or to others, darkens the mind. Feeling uncomfortable? It can be a good opportunity to observe how quickly we try to escape discomfort through temporary distractions such as checking our phone. You might experiment with restraining urges to shop, scroll, or daydream about food back home. Viriya is the quiet determination to return again and again to mindfulness, kindness, and clarity.
Khanti (Patience):
The qualities listed above can seem almost impossible to cultivate at times. This is where patience and forbearance become important. Khanti is the willingness to forgive yourself and try again and again, patiently finding ways to keep the mind clear and wholesome in a sustainable way.
Sacca (Truthfulness):
Honesty and integrity with yourself help you explore where your discomfort is really coming from. It is common to focus on things in the outer world that appear to be causing our suffering. Sacca gently turns our attention inward to understand what is actually giving rise to our unhappiness and how we might respond more wisely.
Adhitthana (Determination):
Determination is the quiet resolve to stay aligned with what you know to be wholesome. Pilgrimage can bring tiredness, discomfort, or moments where old habits resurface. Adhiṭṭhāna is the steady commitment to continue cultivating generosity, patience, and mindfulness even when it feels inconvenient. It is not a rigid stubbornness, but a calm decision to keep walking the path.
Metta (Loving kindness):
Loving kindness is the wish for oneself and others to be well and free from suffering. During pilgrimage you will encounter many different personalities, including those who may move more slowly than you would like, speak loudly, or behave in ways that trigger irritation. These moments can become opportunities to soften the heart and extend goodwill instead of resentment. Even silently wishing others well can gently shift the state of the mind.
Upekkha (Equanimity):
Equanimity is the ability to remain balanced in the face of pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Pilgrimage will bring moments of joy, inspiration, fatigue, and inconvenience. Upekkhā reminds us that these experiences arise and pass according to causes and conditions. By learning not to cling too tightly to pleasant moments or resist unpleasant ones, the mind becomes more steady and peaceful.
It may seem like a tall order to develop all these qualities at once, especially under unfamiliar or challenging circumstances. Instead, you might set small and achievable intentions each morning to keep in mind throughout the day. For example, “May I open my heart to opportunities to be generous with others today.”
Remember not to be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Slip ups are simply data points to reflect on. Rather than avoiding or judging them, we can learn from them and try again with a little more understanding the next time.
And most importantly, remember to carry these learnings back home and continue incorporating these positive changes into your daily life.
Suggested simple routine at a holy site
Arrival: three bows; short recollection of the Buddha.
Chanting (if that’s something you enjoy and if it helps to calm the mind)Sit 20 to 30 minutes (longer if you have the time)Walk circumambulation (honouring the triple gem with our bodies by walking around a holy site), clockwise, mindfully (three rounds)Make an offering, resolve one wholesome change you will carry home
Dedicate merit: “May all beings be happy; may this goodness support liberation for all.”
Make any spiritual aspirations you may have before you leave
Offerings you can make on pilgrimage
The greatest offering you can make to the Buddha would be paṭipattipūjā — an offering of practice.
In the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta, when people were worried about how to honour the Buddha after his passing, he made it plain that those who practise the Dhamma, who live in accordance with it, are the ones who truly honour and revere the Tathāgata. Not by ritual alone, but by transforming greed, hatred, and delusion in their own hearts.
What this means on pilgrimage is simple, but not easy. Bowing at Bodhgaya matters. Circumambulating stupas matters. Chanting matters.
But the deepest offering you can make at these places is restraint when irritation arises, kindness when fatigue sets in, mindfulness when the mind wants comfort, and patience when things do not go your way.
If you return home unchanged, the offering was mostly symbolic. If you return with even a small shift in how you speak, act, or relate to suffering, then the pilgrimage has already borne fruit.
Nevertheless, please offer flowers, candles, incense and robes as and when the opportunity arises at the holy site to brighten the mind and gladden the heart.
We had the beautiful opportunity to offer flowers at Buddha’s kuti at Jetavana as a group.
Things to bring (amongst the regular things you bring on holiday)
Remember, temperature can be subjective. It is a good idea to err on the side of caution and pack clothing you can layer
Bring basic medication. This includes painkillers, diarrhoea medication, rehydration salts, flu medicine, and anything you regularly take. Pharmacies are not easily accessible near some holy sites, they may also not carry the medication you require.
Bring mosquito repellent and itch relief cream. Mosquitoes can be persistent, especially in the evenings, and bites can become infected if scratched repeatedly.
Bring sunscreen, a hat, umbrella, and light long-sleeved clothing. The UV exposure is intense, even on cooler days, and prolonged exposure to the sun will sap your energy quickly.
Bring wet wipes, hand sanitiser, and tissues. Toileting conditions may be basic, and having your own supplies makes a significant difference to comfort and hygiene.
Bring comfortable footwear with good grip. You will be on your feet far more than you expect, often on uneven or dusty ground. You may have to take off your footwear at some of the holy sites so sturdy sandals may make sense.
Bring your meditation gear and perhaps a Dhamma book or two.
Pilgrims tend to wear comfortable & modest white tops and dark pants.
Things to take note of
Do not underestimate the physical conditions. Heat, cold, dust, long walks, and uneven terrain will wear you down quickly if you assume you can “power through”. Overconfidence usually leads to sickness halfway through the trip.
Do not drink tap water or consume unsealed drinks, even if locals do. Stick to bottled water and check that the seal is intact. Avoid ice, full stop.
Do not eat raw or unpeeled fruits and vegetables. As tempting as fresh fruit may look, food poisoning can derail the entire pilgrimage. Understand you may need your fiber, so banana or mandarins that you can peel yourself would be a reasonable choice. Choose hot, freshly cooked food whenever possible.
Do not carry large amounts of cash in one place or take it out openly. Crowded areas attract attention. Use small denominations and keep money distributed across different pockets or bags.
Do not skip rest or ignore early signs of illness. A sore throat, stomach discomfort, or fever should be addressed early with medication and hydration. Pushing on stubbornly often leads to days lost to recovery.
After returning
Integrate one concrete habit: daily morning sitting, weekly 8 precepts, regular acts of generosity. Let the pilgrimage change your life, not just your photo album.
Recommit and align your life to the Dhamma as a lay practitioner
Find a community near you that can support your practice
Recollect often moments during the pilgrimage that were wholesome and brought joy. Let these memories skilfully brighten the mind and motivate you to keep practicing
Conclusion
A pilgrimage does not awaken us by itself. It simply places us in conditions where practice becomes unavoidable.
If you walk these holy sites with intention, care, and humility, the journey continues long after you return home.
What matters most is not where you went, but how you now choose to live. May you grow in wisdom on your journey.
When travelling in India, it’s essential to pack key items in your carry-on due to frequent luggage delays on domestic flights. Kai Xin & Cheryl visited the UNESCO-listed Ajanta & Ellora Caves which offers a fascinating look at temples carved over hundreds of years, representing Buddhist, Hindu, and Jain traditions. For a peaceful experience, visit the Ajanta Caves early in the morning, avoiding crowds. Be sure to secure swift travel insurance to handle unexpected situations like luggage delays. During your stay, enjoy vibrant street celebrations. Kai Xin & Cheryl bore witness to the festival which celebrated the inauguration of the Rama Temple in Aurangabad.
In the third part of our Indian Buddhist pilgrimage, we hiked up Vulture’s Peak, where the Buddha often meditated in seclusion. We also visited the caves of Moggallāna and Sariputta, two of Buddha’s chief disciples. After a peaceful trek, we headed to Sarnath, the site of Buddha’s first sermon, where he taught the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta. The trip continued with a river cruise on the Ganges, where we witnessed traditional cremations, a vivid reminder of impermanence. The pilgrimage ended with reflections on the peaceful experiences of visiting these sacred sites in India.
Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen
