TLDR: I intended to have a mindful, focused, wholesome trip alone to London. It wasn’t. I remind myself to remain compassionate towards myself. From hyde park to a seedy-looking pizza shop, what can we learn about our minds and self-critic?
Introduction
I deliberated for a long time whether to write this article. My recent solo trip to London was supposed to be a mindful, productive work trip, where I would focus on starting my new job, have lots of me-time for meditation, eat healthy vegetarian food and whatnot.
It was onboarding week for my new job, a company headquartered in London.
The idea was to get to know the people and experience the culture, then return to Singapore where I would be based. My new colleagues promised me I would love London in the summer.
Of course, the more I “craved” to be a “good” Buddhist the “worse” I behaved. Here, I choose to be vulnerable and share my thoughts with you. Like any working young adult, I’d like to manage your expectations and hope you can read on with compassion, for me and for yourself.
Flight to London
With the recent chaos of Heathrow and the airlines, I expected to “suffer” on a long journey, including transits and delays.
“What else could be better than seven plus seven hours of quiet meditation?“ I told myself. I settled in my seat, got comfy with the blanket, pillow and prayed no one would occupy the two empty seats next to me.
When a little girl of about three years old hopped in right next to me, I thought, “oh there goes my peace for the whole night!” I could feel myself getting agitated as she chirped excitedly, playing with her toy and poking at cartoon characters on the inflight screen. I was aware of these unskillful thoughts, which didn’t serve me at that moment.
Her mum fussed over the girl: she made sure the water bottle was filled, her daughter’s blanket was ready, her documents were kept etc. I noticed that her mum looked exhausted with a messy bun; her fringe all over her face. In contrast with her mother’s tender weariness, the little girl was beaming in a cute purple unicorn sweater; her hair braided nicely like a princess.
“Papa will be waiting for us in London, you sleep well tonight on the plane and you can see him tomorrow!“
As we took off, I looked at the scared little girl, quietly holding her mother’s hand. My gaze grew softer, and with compassion, I saw her as a little angel. It turned out she slept through the flight like a beautiful darling.
Our thoughts are powerful, they shape our perspective and evoke powerful emotions. So, how can we control our thoughts? The Vitakkasaṇṭhānasutta addresses the topic of “How to Stop Thinking”.
The Buddha told monks “They should examine the drawbacks of those thoughts: ‘So these thoughts are unskillful, they’re blameworthy, and they result in suffering.’ As they do so, those bad thoughts are given up and come to an end. Their mind becomes stilled internally; it settles, unifies, and becomes immersed in samādhi.”
Hyde Park
I arrived in London in the morning after the long overnight flights. After navigating through the crazy Heathrow chaos, I made it to my hotel in central London. I felt fresh enough to walk through Hyde park to my new office. Hopefully, I could show up on the first day as fresh and upbeat as I could after the long flight. To my surprise it was drizzling, grey, chilly and in general miserable.
“Who told me this is glorious London in summer?!”
I tried to remind myself that the rain and cold are impermanent. The sky will clear up. With mindfulness in every step, I continued walking against the cold wind.
“An ally is what I need right now for support, a kalyāṇa-mitta(Pali word for an admirable spiritual friend),” I thought.
In the Mitta Sutta, the Buddha said “Monks, a friend endowed with seven qualities is worth associating with. Which seven? He gives what is hard to give. He does what is hard to do. He endures what is hard to endure. He reveals his secrets to you. He keeps your secrets. When misfortunes strike, he doesn’t abandon you. When you’re down & out, he doesn’t look down on you. A friend endowed with these seven qualities is worth associating with.”
And so I FaceTimed a friend, who virtually accompanied me on my walk through the cold.
That drizzle turned out to be the only rain I encountered throughout my week in London. The rest of the trip was filled with glorious, glorious summer sunshine. The rain is always temporary at Wimbledon, the British say. The misery is always impermanent and will pass.
Pizza shop
I found myself stranded in a slightly dodgy part of town with my phone battery dying. I was struggling to figure out the tube lines back to my hotel.
“I deserve some kindness from someone! After all, I’d recently made a sizable donation to a charity.” However, at the back of my mind, I knew that “Charitable actions undertaken to gain a good reputation are also selfish and hence not a very valuable kind of giving. Nor can it be praiseworthy when one gives merely to return a favour or in expectation of a reward.”
I surveyed the four shops across the road and chose three more decent-looking ones to borrow a phone charger. All of them turned me down.
By then I was getting desperate and decided to try the last of the four shops: a seedy-looking pizza shop, the type where football hooligans hung out.
The pizza guy at the counter had a broken tooth and a crooked smile. Surprisingly, he passed me a white iPhone cable! And so I stood there for 20 minutes, never ordering a pizza yet making a new friend. He was from Romania, always cracking jokes and smiling with the pizzas. He said he has a chain that looks similar to my necklace.
Kindness and compassion come in all forms, sometimes unexpectedly. The judgement also comes in all forms, almost always subconsciously.
Loneliness
I usually enjoy my me-time very much, with the freedom of choosing what I want to do. However, loneliness struck without warning near the end of my trip.
I vaguely remember Venerable Canda, a nun disciple of famous Ajahn Brahm, speaking about Solitude vs Loneliness. Throughout the week in London, I enjoyed moments of Solitude. As Venerable Canda rightly mentioned, such moments gave me the opportunity to quieten down the senses and the thinking mind. I now understood what she meant by the feeling of having “landed”, in the ‘happy place” with nothing to think about.
There and then, however, I was craving company, someone to share the highlights of the day, the challenges I faced, and the joys of a nice dinner. I craved attention, someone to tell me, “oh you poor thing…” or “you’re doing great!”
It was the loneliness that hits you when you are single and walking through a sea of couples holding hands on Valentine’s Day. It was the jealousy you feel when you see your crush hangout with someone else on Instagram. It was the fear that you are forgotten, you don’t matter to anyone.
As I stood in Soho, one of the busiest London streets, amongst hundreds of people, I felt lonely. This time, I couldn’t call any kalyāṇa-mittas due to the time difference. They were all in bed by this time! I recognised the “I”, the “self” that was so strong there, playing tricks on my mind.
Instinctively, I boarded the bus and the driver smiled. He drove through Soho on the eve of the Pride Parade, with rainbow lights and flags everywhere. I closed my eyes and remembered what love feels like, what freedom to love feels like, what love for other beings feels like.
“May all beings be happy. May I be happy.”
Returning home
As I look back on my short solo trip, I realised I was being very hard on myself. I wanted to be the perfect Buddhist, which meant the “judge” in me was constantly judging my unskillful thoughts and actions.
I had forgotten to pat myself on the shoulder, to give myself a hug whenever I needed one. There were small successes that I should have celebrated a little more. After all, I had an amazing onboarding workwise, met lovely people throughout the week, and made it back home safe and sound.
At this moment, I have a new-found confidence, one that allows me to navigate this new phase of my life, just like how I navigated the tube lines alone in London.
As Ajahn Brahm said, “Worrying never stops bad things from happening, but it stops you from enjoying the present moment.” Let us remind ourselves not to overreact to stressful situations or overthink about life!
Special Thanks: Deep gratitude to the HOL team, especially Xuan who encouraged me to write this article, and the wonderful Yi Shan for editing it. Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!
When I see life and death very close up, because of my work in emergency medicine, that I’m unable as a doctor, to cure death. And then I sort of wake up. Oh, the Buddha has cured death, the Buddha has understood death.
Kai Xin 00:28
Hey friends, this is Kai Xin, and you’re listening to the Handful of Leaves podcast where we bring you practical Buddhist wisdom for a happier life.
What does it mean to cure death?
In this episode, we speak to Dr Ng Yuen Yen, a retired emergency doctor and veteran Buddhist teacher, to learn more about the gradual path to the end of suffering or what Buddhists call the Deathless or Nibbana.
Nibbana. We all heard of it but do we really know it? Is it for everyone? Is it attainable? Is it even worth pursuing?
This episode attempts to unpack Nibbana and shares a balanced approach on how we can slowly increase our happiness here and now. Dr Ng also shares her inspiring journey as a Buddhist and the turning point that deepened her inspiration to practice Buddhism urgently in this life.
Tune in to learn more in this practical and insightful episode, and you may just never look at clouds and pebbles the same way again 😉
Kai Xin 1:41
Hi. So happy to have you here, Dr. Ng. Today we are going to talk about a really big topic on the burner. And I can’t think of anyone better than you. You came highly recommended by one of the Dhamma teachers, Sister Sylvia. And perhaps we can start off this podcast episode by you sharing a little bit more about yourself and how you got in touch with the Dhamma.
Dr Ng 2:10
I’m born into a Buddhist family, I’m very fortunate, that from a very young age, I was exposed to Mahayana Buddhism. And when I was very young, I remembered feeling extremely happy in a temple, especially when devotees were chanting the Amitabha or chant and then circumambulating the temple. My mother also taught us to memorise the Heart Sutra, and then to copy the Heart Sutra, and to recite it often, but I didn’t really understand it when I’m young. But now with exposure to the Dhamma practice, I appreciate it very, very much. And I think the discipline learnt from my elder siblings, (I’m the youngest), helped me to restrain myself. So I learned how to restrain and I studied very well. So the family setting was very conducive to the practice.
Dr Ng 03:25
Eventually, when I was older, I took up medicine. And then subsequently, after my postgraduate degree in emergency medicine, I had more time to explore. And that’s when I get into meditation, and I find it fascinating. The exploration of the mind and the body. So, then I got hook. After that, my friends said to me, “Hey, you cannot just meditate all the time, you must have some academic background.” And that’s when I did the Diploma in Buddhist Studies, Bachelor of Arts and Honours at the Mangala Vihara Buddhists Pali College. Because we were the new batch, the principal, the late Bhante Gnanarama, requested both Sylvia and myself to teach. So I have taught for about 18 years in Mangala Vihara. Initially, because there are very few teachers, I taught the BA students even, but subsequently, I taught the diploma students, because I feel it’s very important, for the foundation of the Dhamma to be laid, and understood. So that from a foundation, you can venture elsewhere and be discerning. So this is my Dhamma journey.
Dr Ng 04:53
I’m 67 years old already, and I’ve retired at 61. So although retired, I’m still busy managing my family, elderly siblings, which are very grateful to, for all the help and guidance that they have given me when I was younger. I love the Dhamma and I try to practice the Dhamma daily, moment by moment, and I have enjoyed the Dhamma, I find that Dhamma is so wonderful, because it is what the Buddha has said – that it will help you to reduce and remove your suffering. What is the most important to reduce suffering is to have happiness. So then you will get to enjoy the happiness of the nature of what is the truth of the Dhamma. So this is my journey. And I’m very fortunate to be able to have the time to explore the depths of the Dhamma.
Kai Xin 05:41
Wow, seems like, you’ve come a long way since young until now. 67 still learning and teaching. I’m wondering, for the concept of nibbana, that’s the core of Buddhism. And I believe it’s also the goal that Buddhists are trying to strive towards. Is there a change in your understanding of what it is when you first started out learning Buddhism and now?
Dr Ng 06:29
Oh, when I first started learning Buddhism, I was more intrigued with meditation. It is later on when I was taught about mindfulness of death. And mindfulness of death that life is uncertain. And that death is certain. And I see life and death very close up, because I work in emergency medicine. Even I’m unable as a doctor, to cure death. And at this time, that woke me up to the realisation that Buddha has cured death, the Buddha has understood death, and I have to understand that for myself. The Buddha understood, the Buddha understood, but it’s not me. So I felt very strongly that I have to understand death. And I then sort of understood that why the Buddha, whenever he see these four sights, he got this urgency, to practice. The four sights are to see an old man, to see a sick man, to see a dead man. And then these are the signs to remind us, that we have to practice. Because as long as we are born, we will grow old, every moment we grow old, and we will face with sickness, like this COVID thing. And we will face death, like there were so many deaths. And if we do not know the answer, then we go round and round.
Dr Ng 08:21
So initially, it was just an interesting adventure. Then later on, when I understood more, then I find the urgency to practice, to know the Dhamma for myself, that I then turn the goal towards the end of suffering. And that’s the same goal, same goal as Nibbana. So my goals have changed from beginning. And then now, in my later years, this goal is gradual. If you want it so much, it becomes an obstacle. It is just like what the Buddhists say, neither hurrying, neither carrying, the energy is just nice, just middle path. Neither going to self indulgence, nor going to self mortification, neither indulging in pleasure, nor averse to displeasure. When you are on the middle path, you’re on the Noble Eightfold Path, then it will help you end the suffering, and then you’ll see the happiness that he described. You may have glimpses of it, and that will reinforce the practice, and that you continue to walk this path.
Kai Xin 09:52
I just have goosebumps when you talk about your experience. Earlier on, you mentioned that, as a doctor, you realise that you cannot cure death. I think it resonated a lot with me, because I was also thinking about, you know, what’s the best occupation on Earth? A Doctor seems to be a very noble occupation. But it seems like no matter how much research and development with a medicine and new intervention, there will always be new diseases, new viruses, and there’s no end to this suffering, right. And that’s also when I realised that the actually the most noble occupation, is to realise the Dhamma and then to spread wisdom. It’s just like what you’re doing right now, because Nibbana is the Deathless.
Kai Xin 10:42
For listeners who might not necessarily understand what Nibbana is. Can you unpack a little bit about why you say the Buddha can cure death?
Dr Ng 10:53
He taught us Nibbana as the far shore, and in that far shore, there is also called a deathless, ageless, birthless. Where there is no more arising of lust, of desires, no more arising of hatred, or ill will, no more arising of delusion, all these three roots of existence have been destroyed. Nibbana, the Buddha defined as the unconditioned. So this destruction means there will be no more rebirth, he says in the Mahaparanibbana. This is the last birth, or he says, “this person will not be seen by me again, because he will not be in the cycle of Samsara anymore.”
Kai Xin 11:57
Samsara meaning birth and death.
Dr Ng 12:00
Yes, yes, Samsara is birth and death. In the realms of existence, the realms of existence ranges from the hell, to the highest heaven, and there is birth and death of animals. Then there’s birth and death of human beings. But there is another dimension, where there are hell beings, and there are ghost realm beings. And lastly, there are the heavenly beings, but all these beings in existence, arise and die, arise and die. As long as they arise, they will suffer, even in the heavens, they suffer. Even the richest man on Earth will also suffer.
Kai Xin 12:50
When you say that the Buddha is able to cure them, from my understanding and your description, it seems like one can be free from the cycles of birth and death. And by that it is also being free from ill will, being free from hatred and delusion. Does it mean that a person needs to believe in birth and death and different realms in order to strive towards their freedom of suffering towards nibbana?
Dr Ng 13:21
We do not need to die to see the different realms of existence. We see people going through hell when they are suffering. When they move from warzone, they go into trucks, they want to run away, and some die in the process. Isn’t that hell? Can you imagine? Having so little food? You’ll be like Hungry Ghost, and you’re with people passing urine and shit in a very small space? Isn’t that hell?
Kai Xin 13:57
Actually, you don’t have to go through warzone also feel like hell sometimes. Right? Yeah. See for example success. There’s always not enough, wanting one after the next. And if we look from a practical day to day standpoint, let’s see if a person wants to be free from suffering. How can one experience that?
Dr Ng 14:23
The Four Noble Truths is that the origin of suffering is craving. If you want ‘things’ so much, you need to have your sense pleasures from your sense objects, then there is no end to luxury items. But if you can be satisfied with just the four basic things, with just shelter, food, water, medicine, if you don’t demand so much, from yourself, wanting this and that, be contented that there’s a roof over your head, that medicine is accessible to you, that you are clothed decently. If you are contented, you can live a very simple life, then you don’t need to run after things to be a slave to your desires. We need to go back to nature, to experience the quiet, the stillness, a walk in the park, looking at the sky, observe the clouds, the trees, smell the roses, there’s a lot of joy in nature. You don’t need the joy from material things, the joy in nature, you can satisfy your being because happiness is free actually.
Kai Xin 15:48
Yeah, actually, sometimes we get there already with all the material gains, but we are still not happy, like you say,the richest man and the woman that can still suffer. Does it mean that a person needs to give up everything in order to be free from suffering? Because I also do understand that the Buddha did say that worldly and material desires or gains, they can bring a form of happiness, but it’s not the most sustainable one.
Dr Ng 16:19
You cannot force, you have to do it gradually. So even you become homeless or renounced oneself, the practice has still to be gradual. It doesn’t mean that once the head is shaved, the robes are worn, that there is no more craving. This craving is in the mind, it is a mind object. The clinging is in the mind. So you don’t have to give up everything, but you have to give up only lust, hatred and delusion- the delusion of that there is a self. Because delusion of a self, will sort of have that “who is to attain. which will be I need to attain.” So, there is an that “I” will need to attain, but you see, all conditioned things are impermanent and impermanent things are suffering, and suffering is non-self. Once you see this, then you would want not to hold on to anything, but this is a gradual path. Also you must remember that renounced beings also may have lots of things. So, the renunciation, direct relinquishing has to be in the mind, and that it doesn’t matter, you do not have these (material things). And then there is the destruction of craving, cessation, dispassion. So, these are the things that the Buddha taught, but you know, you have to be quiet to see the gems at the bottom of the lake. If it is like, muddy up, you can’t see. So, you have to be quiet, then you can see, you have to pay attention.
Dr Ng 18:13
It is attainable, and it is being verified by the Buddha, and the Sangha members who are all human beings. And the Sangha members include, like the stream enterers, like even King Bimbisara, Anandapindika, practising laypeople, so many of them may be stream enterers too. So do not be disheartened. There are like-minded practitioners, they come together, and we encourage each other in that Dhamma practice.
Kai Xin 18:46
So for listeners who are not sure what stream enterer is, is basically you’re kind of dipping your toes in the water of Nibbana. And you can’t unsee the wisdom and there’s no turning back that Nibbana is guaranteed, and from my understanding, it is within seven lifetimes. Is that correct?
Dr Ng 19:05
Yes. Yes. That’s what the teachings say. All right.
Kai Xin 19:11
You mentioned about gradual path, I’m wondering whether you can share your personal experience, about how you realise holding on to impermanence is suffering, and how you slowly relinquished it?
Dr Ng 19:24
Okay, so impermanence is something of the body and of the mind, of all phenomena. And you can always get in touch with impermanence, when you do Anapanasati meditation, when you do breathing in and breathing out. So I would recommend highly, that people practice the 16 steps of Anapanasati. And also practice Satipatthana. So you just read the sutras, it is a line by line guidance. In the first four steps, where you just breathe in and breathe out, the first step breathing in, you know, you’re breathing in long, or breathing out long. The second step is that you’re breathing in, short, or breathing out short, then the third step is to experience the entire breathing in. Eventually, when you look at it (the breathing), it gets calm. When you look at just the breathing in, you can see impermanence. There’s a beginning of the breath, and then the breath itself, and then the process of the breath and then the end of the breathing in. So there is an arising and an ending. So if you can see these three, you see the impermanence, you see the non-self of breathing, is just a condition. And this is very close to yourself, to your being. This requires practice.
Dr Ng 21:09
And then you then go into the foundation of feelings. To see what is the feeling of just breathing in and out. Nothing else just breathing in and out. Not caring about anything in the rest of the world. You will experience the rapture of the body. Breathing in and out, just hear the vibrations of the body, as a body that is just breathing and that is pleasurable in the mind and just experience the mental formations. These mental formation also changes. This bodily formations, and mental formations are impermanent, just like the clouds in the sky, the cloud formation in the sky is impermanent, you look at them as if there’s something substantial. But when you go above the clouds in the plane, you see, there’s nothing, there’s no substance in it at all. Cloud formation, bodily formation, mental formation, empty. And then you see for yourself, day in day out, we all tie the mind to mind objects. This mind objects is not the mind.
Dr Ng 22:34
This mind objects are like the Buddha says in Satipathana. The hindrances is like the pebble that you throw into the mind. But it’s not the mind, the mind as a base has changes. Even in the pleasurable states, it changes. So there’s nothing substantial about it. But of course, experiencing the pleasurable changes is pleasurable. But you also know that these are impermanent, that there is nothing to hold on to, and most importantly, not to be caught up with the mind objects. And the mind objects are what the Buddha has very clearly stated, the mind objects are the hindrances.
Dr Ng 23:22
So you see hindrances such as lust. You throw a pebble of lust into your mind pool, the mind becomes coloured, you can’t see clearly. You throw the pebble of anger into your mind, it boils, you can’t see clearly. If you throw a pebble of doubt, it is muddy, you can’t see clearly. If you throw a pebble of sloth, it is all heavily thick, like algae-infested reed . And then you throw the pebble of restlessness and worry, then that pool, the mind pool, just stripped here and dead and restless, you can’t see the mind for what it is. So these are hindrances. And you have to see for itself, that if you do your practice of focus, you will not be distracted by all this. But you have to see them as mind objects that arise and ceases and it gets liberated, or you get what they call release. So this are things that we see, in the practice, daily, when you walk, you see yourself moving, your activities moving, if you are mindful, your mind is peaceful. If you’re not mindful, you get caught up, your mind is not peaceful. So these are caught up with mind objects.
Kai Xin 24:53
Yeah, I really like how you’ve made it. So simple, right? The gateway to Nibbana is just as simple as with this breath. And by breathing in and out, watching, contemplating, you’re able to see the arising, the ceasing, and so many more. This is something that is very hopeful, because I used to fall into this perception as well, that Nibbana is something that is very far away, that I might not be able to experience and it’s always somewhere else, away from me, and beyond myself. But you have just given examples of how we can contemplate on this daily. And it seems like with all the different examples you have given, Nibbana or the way to attain Nibanna, or to experience it, really starts from stilling the mind. And then once that’s done, I like your analogy of the pebble, you no longer use the pebble to create all the ripple effects. So you clear off the hindrances. You see things clearly as they are and you stop clinging, you stop craving, and that’s where you can really renounce, from a mental level and nothing can cause you to stress despite having external circumstances that can be very chaotic.
Kai Xin 26:11
I’m wondering from your perspective, what would make it worthwhile for people to chase after Nibbana? Because I have heard of people who would feel that Nibbana is not for me, you know, I am okay. Going through life up and down. It makes me feel human to go through sadness to go through anger, and peace is just a little bit too boring.
Dr Ng 28:30
If you suffer enough, if you really suffer mentally, then you want to chase after Nibbana. The Nibbana is defined as the end of craving, destruction of craving, and so we have to practice and to see for ourselves, how craving makes us suffer. And then you will want to end craving, this suffering, because you have to know it for yourself. So sense pleasures, like I want to enjoy life, I want to enjoy life to the maximum, but what is that? What is the enjoyment? That sense pleasure is fleeting. At the end of the life, there may be regrets, and regrets is not what you want. You want to know how to direct your life, to ensure that you did the best you could do in this life. To carry on with just living life, as in enjoying the pleasures of the senses, that is just an ordinary being who doesn’t know the teachings of the Buddha, the Dhamma, and don’t know that he has potential in himself to realise that all this is just a “wah wah game”, it is unstable. It is a charcoal pit that you are let on to it and there’s like a blowing torch, that the wind is blowing at you and the torch is burning. Your world is burning. When you’re sick, you’re burning, for that moment of sense pleasures, you are burning, and the person will be suffering and death is at the door and life is just wasted.
Dr Ng 28:32
But then, you have to walk the middle path. So knowing the gratification, the danger, the escape, one who want to escape from it what more, to realise the full potential of a human being and what the Buddha says that it is possible. So I don’t buy it. That “eat, drink and be merry”, that is not the way.
Kai Xin 29:02
Yeah, I think it does require, like you say, a gradual path in order to realise. It reminded me of the story of Venerable Sariputta. He and his other very good friend, they were at this party, right? So at the top of the hill, they were seeing everyone drinking and be merry. It’s not that they haven’t indulged before, I think it got to a point where they realise that it’s fleeting, and there’s no point. That’s when they went in search for the truth. That was before they met the Buddha. I really hear you in terms of saying it’s only when a person really feels the pinch of suffering, that they will try to find it an answer. So yes, I’m also thinking maybe it’s okay, if a person wants to just go through life, going through the ups and downs, maybe it just isn’t time for that yet. And we can, you know, plant the seeds, cultivate our mindfulness, and rather than taking a big leap to say, “Okay, we have to strive for Nibbana.” But on a day to day basis, how can we just relinquish bit by bit and be slightly happier?” And then eventually, when the time is right, then we would see oh, this is what the Buddha said about Nibbana. And then the roadmap is already presented to us and we are ready to walk the path fully. Yeah, cause I know sometimes people can hear like, oh, Buddhism is very serious, right? I have to give up my sense pleasure, cannot watch TV, you know, cannot go party. Is it wrong?” And I think that view can scare a lot of people away.
Dr Ng 30:34
I think it’s the middle path. Because some people need to destress. So I think some distraction ( I mean, this is their way of destressing) is okay. But you’re gonna have to be very aware of like, where you may over indulge, where you always spend time, on the handphone on certain times. You must be able to regulate and restrain yourself, you must be able to discern what is important in your life. You must put time aside for the practice, sometimes just to be quiet.
Dr Ng 31:14
Of course, when you are stressed, it’s good to ventilate, it’s a way to destress, but you must associate with good people. You must be associated with good friends who wouldn’t like lead you to down an even darker path. You must be with friends who listen to you, and then to encourage you and then to help you navigate back into a less stressful situation. So it is important to have good friends, listen to the Dhamma, pay proper attention. It is gradual. You don’t sort of like, I don’t want this, this become aversive, you might just develop aversion. You cannot force Nibbana, you will suffer because when you force, it is a wanting. So you will see gradually, you learn how to be mindful. And I think it is individual. Because we all wake up at different times, depending on the conditions, if the conditions are right, then it provides you with more time to practice, but I’m just saying extremes, to say that let’s say, you indulge too much, this is the problems you have.
Kai Xin 32:31
So it’s to understand the limitation of sense pleasure, and always knowing that, let’s say if we get too carried away, Nibbana, the gateway to it, is just here and now. It’s not exclusive. It’s available, and it’s also possible to attain. To me I feel that’s very hopeful, and that’s very inspiring. It’s kind of like a home that we can always turn to.
Dr Ng 32:55
Yes, yes. That’s why you take refuge in the Dhamma, the Buddha, the Sangha, and that this Dhamma of Nibbana can be seen. Sandithiko, Akaliko, Ehipassiko, Opanayiko, paccatam veditabo vinnuhiti. If it cannot be seen, if Nibbana cannot be seen, he won’t say this. He says Nibbana can be seen, the end of craving can be seen- by the wise for himself. The journey has to be walked by oneself, and it is very fortunate if you have good friends, to walk on this journey, to encourage you on this path.
Kai Xin 33:41
Definitely. So to be experienced individually by the wise and you know, turning inwards. Thank you so much for all your sharing. I really like how you started the podcast by saying that there is something beyond death and it is possible. It is a gradual path. And you also provided some of the key steps to do it on a daily basis, suvh as anchoring on our breath, and contemplating on impermanence. I think those are very quick action steps that our listeners can take away. Regarding the point on it is possible to experience the Dhamma, we talk about the Triple Gem. So we have the Buddha, his teachings, the Dhamma and the Sangha. It is precisely because there are disciples and there are individuals who saw the Dhamma, realise what the Buddha realised, that we have the third jewel, which is the Sangha, and there are enlightened beings around the world. And they’re just like, testimonies and role model for us to look up to and say that, hey, if they can do it, we can also do it. And how we go about it, of course, is at our own pace, and based on our own causes and condition. So I just wanted to end off with that. And any last words from you, Dr.Ng? No. All right. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Dr Ng 34:59
Thank you for inviting me. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu!
Kai Xin 35:11
And that’s a wrap for this episode. My key takeaway is that life is uncertain and only death is certain. If we heedlessly indulge in the pleasures offered in the world through our sight, taste, hearing, touch and smell, we seek refuge in unsatisfactory and unreliable conditions, we may live a life full of suffering and be filled with regrets. The Buddha offered a system and education out of suffering that is achievable and attainable, may we all plant the seeds and conditions for our awakening to a refuge that is beautiful and beyond birth and death.
If you’ve benefited from this episode, do share this episode with a friend and leave us a five star review wherever you’re tuning in to this podcast.
Till the next episode, may you stay happy and wise!
Hey friends, this is Kai Xin, and you’re listening to the Handful of Leaves podcast where we bring you practical Buddhist wisdom for a happier life. If you’re going through a rough patch, this episode is for you because we’ll be unpacking lots of practical tips to deal with difficult emotions in our lives. Unless we’re saints, whenever we meet with life challenges, negative emotions will inevitably rise to the occasion. Fear, anxiety, sadness, and worry. These are the usual suspects. In fact, these emotions creep into our everyday life in one way or another, and oftentimes make us feel terrible. If you’re like me, you would rather feel positive rather than negative, or you would rather feel happy rather than sad. As a result, we end up running away from these emotions unconsciously or subconsciously and miss the vital lessons they have to teach us.
Kai Xin 01:10
In this episode, we have our special guest, Ratna to share with us how to anchor our life with positivity while mindfully embracing negativity. Ratna is a living example of how best to use one’s vulnerability as a strength. Her personal journey is inspiring. She migrated to Singapore at a young age. She wasn’t proficient in English, and struggled with low self-esteemed. Then, during a public speaking engagement, she blanked out and froze. That’s pretty traumatic and totally crushed her confidence. But she picked herself up. And today, she is an esteemed coach in mindfulness and public speaking, and has even become a TEDx Speaker! Ratna is truly an inspiration and I’m thankful to have witnessed her rise in popularity and success over the last decade. Want to know how she did it? Tune in to the full episode. Right now, she is truly an inspiration. And I’m so thankful to have witnessed her rise in popularity and success over the last decade. Want to know how she did it? Tune in to the full episode as she shares how to use positivity as a superpower, and how to leverage negative emotions for growth. Finally, the ABC guide to dealing with difficult emotions. Now, let’s jump right in.
Cheryl 02:32
To kick things off, Ratna, what is your superpower?
Ratna 02:36
My superpower is positivity. I strive to have optimistic outlook in life. As much as possible, for my friends and family I try to offer them genuine encouragements and also at the same time making people feel a bit better about themselves. So I think that’s one of the superpower that I have.
Cheryl 03:02
And why do you consider positivity a superpower?
Ratna 03:06
In a world where we have so many negativities we face so many challenges in our life, I think it’s so important to have these qualities of positivity. Not ignoring the negative part of our emotions, but really having the positive thoughts and emotions as an anchor in our life that whenever there are any challenges any thing that we face in our life that may not be favourable, we can always use this qualities to be able to help us navigate challenges and changes in our life.
Kai Xin 03:45
Currently, you’re a mindfulness and wellbeing coach, and I think people can really benefit from your positivity. Can you share a little bit about some recent challenges that you face? And what are some of the steps you took to overcome them?
Ratna 03:59
In fact, for the past few months, navigating the uncertainty of solopreneurship (was challenging). It was just like a lot of things that were going through my mind, from ‘what if’ scenarios where certain things may not go according to my plan, and to like the feelings of fear of choosing the wrong path. Having different expectations from my parents to some family members and facing financial instability as I navigate this solopreneurship myself, it was quite a lot of things happening at the same time. It was kind of overwhelming for me. There were lots of uncomfortable emotionsthat I experienced, from feeling confusion, anxiety, as well as fear. I just felt like “I’m not sure if this is something that I really wanted to do.” At the same time also, there were a lot of things that were not within my control. So it was quite tough to actually go through that period for the past few months There was a time that I couldn’t hold it anymore, so I cried. And I should say it was a good way of releasing my emotions and the tension that is being stored in my body.
Ratna 05:27
For me, I took some time to actually unpack my emotions, and process them sharing this with the people that I trust, they are my mentors, as well as my trusted advisors who have my best interests at heart. So by sharing it with them, and listening to what they have to offer, from their own perspective also helps me to open up a different perspective about things in different ways as well. But at the end of the day, I have to make a decision for myself, and what really helps me a lot was the practice of mindfulness meditation practice, to actually come down my emotions, my thoughts, and it helps me to also quieten down the noise and silencing that inner critic to also bring my attention back to the present moment to really focus on what really matters the most. One more thing that really helps a lot is the journaling practice. So every day, I took some time to basically just journal my thoughts and my feelings kind of like just put my thoughts and feelings on paper, and not to overthink too much. So that really helps a lot in navigating all those uncertain moments that has been happening for the past few months.
Kai Xin 06:51
Wow, thanks for sharing this very vulnerable journey, it’s definitely not easy being a solopreneur. And I hear you mentioned a few things that are helpful, of course, your superpower came in very handy. And then beyond that, it’s also not suppressing it too much. Because to a point when you’re holding back, then you have to release. And after releasing your consult others, and you also notice your inner critic, then you take time to reflect. I’m just trying to expand on this inner critic part a little bit, because I think some people can find it challenging to balance, sometimes we can be overly positive, we call it toxic positivity, where we misjudge the reality, and everything feels like rainbows and sunshine, when actually it’s not. On the other hand, we are overly critical to a point where it’s not constructive. So to you based on your experience, how do you know when to release your emotions and when to hold it back and just be positive?
Ratna 07:48
I think for me, I kind of took quite a bit of guidance from my body. So whenever I feel a certain emotion, will come back to my body and really feel ways this emotion resides in my in my body. By having that, it helps me a lot to release a lot of tension, especially the negative emotions that is being stored in my body. Gounding exercises, such as, the breathing and all that helps me to recalibrate myself to the baseline, in a way not to spiral down into a much one negative emotion. And knowing that whatever I’m experiencing right now might not be really real, like what we thought it is, because our feelings and emotions are sometimes are just guidance or compass to what we are experiencing right now, but still have the power to choose whatever we wanted to experience in our life or whatever we wanted to create, to have a different kind of outcome in whatever situations that we experience as well.
Cheryl 08:56
I really appreciate the fact that you say that our body is a guidance to our emotions, and at the same time you say acknowledge that we have the power to be able to decide how we want to deal with these emotions. And it’s so true, right? Our body holds all our emotions. If we feel stress, we feel it in the stomach area that we feel angry, it’s in the chest area. And once you’re able to learn how to kind of, I think be comfortable or accept the sensation to able to move on. I was wondering if you would be able to maybe share what exercise helped you to be in tune with your body in a way and respond appropriately after that?
Ratna 09:36
I do quite a bit of grounding and breathing practice. For example, if I wanted to relive whatever events that is happening not according to what I expect it to be, and then you will kind of like probably come up with all sorts of emotions that might not be really pleasant. Because of that, then I will ask myself, “Where is this emotions residing in my body?” Sometimes it can be around my shoulders area or my chest area, and I can also feel a tingling sensation in certain parts of my body. When I felt that way, I will take a deep breathing, and then I’ll just release my breathing into the areas where I feel the most tension in my body to help to ease the tension. And one more practice that I also use is to use humming. Basically, I take a deep breath, and as I breathe out, I will hum into that part of my body that feels that tingling sensations or elevated emotions. And other practice that I do is walking in nature. So as I walk it, it really helps me to feeling much more grounded, you know, connecting to the nature, and all that. So it really helps to, in a way, bring that more positive emotions as well.
Kai Xin 11:06
I’m quite curious, what if you do all that, but you still feel very tense?
Ratna 11:09
I think another practice could be sharing it with others as well, like, you know, sometimes by by just sharing it with others. It’s to process our feelings and thoughts, and then having a sounding board helps you to probably give some kind of suggestions or good advice helps to, in a way shift our emotions or feelings into a more empowering one. One of the thing that I also felt was really important is to have self acceptance, because a lot of times when we feel unpleasant emotions, we want to resist it, because we just don’t want to feel it. But the more we resist it, it keeps persisting. What I find it useful is to really acknowledge that, hey, I’m feeling a certain way, I’m feeling anxious, I’m feeling this way, you know. And to label the emotions and observe it as the third party. So not saying that, “Oh, I, I’m angry,” or “I’m, you know, I’m feeling fear, but to distance ourselves with the emotions itself, and looking at it as a third party. I can say, like, you know, I’m experiencing this anxiety in my body, I’m experiencing whatever feelings in my body. By doing that, it kind of like helped us to detach from the emotions and feelings itself.
Kai Xin 12:46
And I think it also goes to show that it’s not always the solution to run away, because I mean, based on experience as well, if I feel very tense, I feel frustrated, I want to meditate it away. And then if I don’t feel that I have become more at ease, I get even more frustrated. So I think it’s kind of a combination of the feelings are signs to tell us that we need to act on it, and it’s also a clue, it’s serving a purpose in telling us what exactly is the underlying cause that I’m feeling frustrated. One thing I also found really interesting from one of the retreats is, oftentimes we get too caught up with the intense sensation. But we can, let’s say in our body, right, we can draw a line and say, “Where does the tense sensation stop?” So if I feel very tight on my shoulder, then I can draw a very tight, they’re getting less and less tight, and probably my fingers are relaxed. And it just opens up possibility that the whole situation isn’t all that bad. There is still some goodness within sight. Personally, I found that to be very helpful.
Ratna 13:53
Yeah, exactly. I do agree with that as well. I always find the self awareness will set us free, you know, when we are being aware of like, hey, this emotions, what is this emotion trying to tell me? It also gives us a clue into what we are feeling what we are feeling right now.
Cheryl 14:11
Just going back to what you shared just now. I think there were two points that caught my attention. I think the first was share with a trusted friend, how you feel and to kind of have a sounding board. I think that is very interesting, because for myself, at least, I tend to close up or isolate if I feel like I’m in a bad space. And the last thing I want to do is, is to show like the super ugly side to my friends. That’s why the second thing that you mentioned about you know, distancing yourself from the emotion and depersonalising it is so powerful because it then takes away some of the shame, or the power of guilt that I’m feeling to just say, “Okay, this is just an experience that I’m having. That is not the whole of me and it’s just a part like, you know, the what Kaixin mentioned as well, it ends. Certain sensations end at a certain part of your body. So I would like to ask how can we make it easier for us to open up and have that courage to reach out to our friends for support when we’re in a very tough space?
Ratna 15:15
For me, instead of keeping it to myself and feeling helpless, not being able to find solutions to the challenges that I face, I might rather reach out to people, especially not to everyone that you probably don’t trust, because you want to ensure that it is a safe space for both of us to really share whatever problems that we have. I think it’s also very important to really choose whoever, people that you wanted to share. And knowing that, you know, they also have our best interests at heart and knowing that they wanted to help us to be in a better space as well.
Kai Xin 16:03
It reminds me of a book called chatter. It’s by this author called Ethan Cross. So you know, we all have those narrative and voice in our head. And in one of the chapters he actually mentioned, it’s so crucial to pick the right friends, because there are some friends, when you confide in them, they will reinforce that negativity. So let’s say if I complain that my boss really is terrible, or my situation is terrible. They’ll say yeah, your situation is terrible. You should blah, blah, blah, blah. And it just makes you feel worse. But I think a good friend is someone who knows when to listen, when to ask the right questions, so that you use that as a way to clear your thoughts or when to just be a sounding board. And yeah, I think it’s really important to reach out.
Ratna 16:48
Yeah, as what Brene Brown said, right, and vulnerability is not weakness, it is actually strength. Because the more we actually share, whatever we experience, with courage,, it actually helps to open up a certain part of us, that helps to heal as well. Take, for example, I’ve always shared one of my biggest challenges in my life, which is my fear of public speaking. When I was young, I was afraid to really share that, but as I get older, and I also have to overcome this traumatic experience I have, I need to slowly open up myself. So, I kind of like started to share my own personal story with a small group of friends. And then of course, I also seek for help, with the practice of mindfulness in managing my speaking anxiety. When I do that, it actually helps me to open up my own personal scars. It’s not comfortable sharing that, but as I open up myself, and when people actually resonate with my own personal stories or struggles, it helps me to heal from within as well, because it’s not that I’m asking for validation, but it helps me to connect with others. I’m sharing this because I’m just a normal human being, you know, who wants to be happy, who wants to be free from suffering. By sharing this personal experience, it helps me to open up myself and heal at the same time. So that really helps a lot for me.
Kai Xin 18:36
I’m wondering where you are now, in your journey of healing.
Ratna 18:40
I think the journey of healing is a never ending journey. It’s always a continuous journey and progress. I will really credit my own personal journey of healing through the practice of mindfulness that has really bring so much courage for me to be able to really face that fear. That is really, quite big to face. Because when I faced that during my teenager days, it was so big to the extent that it literally crushed my self confidence. Yeah. So because of that, I was also looking out for ways to help me rebuild that confidence back and to really face and embrace that fear because it’s something that is so uncomfortable for me.
The practice of mindfulness has helped me a lot in that healing process. So I always call this ABC of mindfulness. The first one is awareness. The awareness part of it is that it helps me to just be aware of the things that I’m afraid of. Knowing that hey, if I keep doing the same thing, keep feeling the fear I’ll end up not being able to really move forward. So, the awareness part really helps me to, opens up that willingness to be able to take the small steps to be able to change my life. In order for me to be able to improve my life for a better, I need to make a change so it helps to open up that self awareness part and take that small little steps to be able to face my fear. Because of that, I started to join a Toastmasters community to be able to help me overcome my fear. And eventually, it slowly built up my confidence as well.
The B part is our balance. It’s really finding the balance between embracing the feelings and emotions itself, not resisting it, but at the same time to also knowing how to take action, despite feeling a certain way. In the early days of my healing journey, the first part of it is to really accept that, “Hey, I feel a certain way because of that past, traumatic experience I had in the past, I’m feeling this way. I know it’s not comfortable, and I wanted to, you know, take the steps to help me improve myself and become a better speaker.” And because of that, and when I came into the acceptance part of it, I slowly move into, taking some steps to actually also help me to to do better. So I do a practice called incantation. So basically incantation is like, you know, reciting an empowering mantras or empowering sentence or whatever it is to help me feel better. For example, “yes, I can!” That also helps me a lot. So I did that quite often during my run in the mornings. As I run, I keep repeating the incantation part of it, that really helps a lot. Yeah, so that’s the second part of it.
And then the third part is curiosity and compassion. So, you know, whenever I felt fear or whatever emotions that I’m feeling that might not be comfortable, it’s always an invitation to kind of like also ask deeper what are these emotions or feelings are trying to tell me. Are there underlying emotions that we are trying to solve right. So, I think that asking, having that curiosity, approaching that emotions with that curious mind also helps to opens up and helping us to be a bit more comfortable with the emotions itself. The last but not least, which is the compassion part is also because a lot of times when we feel when we have friends who is like feeling a bit down, we will have a tendency to kind of like you know, console them and all that. The compassion part of it is also the compassion that we have towards the feelings and emotions that we are experiencing as well. Treating them as a kind friend, you know, like knowing that “hey, I know that these feelings or emotions exist because there is a certain kind of needs needs to be met, right?” So really being a kind friend and having that compassion to really self soothe myself whenever that feelings and emotions appear.
Ratna 18:51
I really love how you share you know, the process of ABC in terms of transforming and healing yourself. But, you know, let’s dig a little bit deeper into facing the demons. Right and going back to the traumatic experiences, where, you know, the inner critic was the winner. So what what are some of the things that you were saying to yourself and how did that in a way suffocate you?
Ratna 24:15
Whenever I felt negative emotions or even that self talk, I’m not good enough. I’m stupid, or or I’m probably not as good as someone else. It makes me feel guilty makes me feel shameful, it makes me not taking action. So whenever I felt that way, right, they always felt disempowered. So I couldn’t, you know, do anything because of that kind of like negative self critics and it was definitely not helping me a lot to improve myself as well.
Kai Xin 24:55
It is like going back to asking how do we find that balance? So if the inner critic is our friend, we use it to get better and improve. But the moment when the inner critic put us down, and we start falling apart and we don’t perform well, we can’t function, then that’s where we have to put a stop to say, hey, what exactly am I doing right here? And I think at the end of the day, whatever anxiety, fear that we are feeling, it’s all trying to protect us in some sense. So it’s having that mindfulness and reminding us over and over again, what is it trying to tell me? How can I make it useful? With regards to Cheryl’s question on how the inner critic has kindled your potential? Now with mindfulness, how did your narrative change?
Ratna 25:45
I think probably in the past, when I experienced failure, I noticed there is like, inner critics that is popping up and all that, it kind of like made me feel, oh it I’m not good enough to do something about it, right. And so it makes me feel afraid of making mistakes and made me small. Yeah. So with mindfulness, it really helps to change the narratives like, “Hey, this is probably something that I’m experiencing currently in my life. But what is this event or situation trying to teach me? What’s great about this? It’s really taking that opportunities to also finding the goodness in whatever I’m experiencing the failures that I’m experiencing right now.
Cheryl 26:35
I think the cool thing that I am taking away here is that the inner critic is not necessarily an enemy, and learning how to befriend it can help you to go towards your goal be it self improvement, or growth in a more skillful manner, right in a way that actually helped propels your journey rather than, you know, just throwing stones at yourself and making your journey a little bit harder. And I think a lot of times, you know, when people approach this topic of inner critic as well, it’s always on the, on the kind of topic of like, an inner critic is negative. Let’s just do away with it, just push it away. But I think there’s value in seeing what is it really trying to inform us and and how can we tap into curiosity, as you’ve mentioned, many times and really get the good value there.
Kai Xin 27:21
Yeah, and I think it does require a lot of self love, not in a sense that, you know, everyone is bad, and then we should just love ourselves and not improve, everything is okay. But I think self love to know when to be kinder, and then when to be tough. And I’m wondering, how do you offer yourself some compassion? Is there any advice you can give to our listeners to do the same for themselves?
Ratna 27:48
We are our own biggest critics, right. And sometimes, you know, we probably beat ourself without realising it. And I think, instead of comparing ourselves with others, it’s also having every comparison in terms of like, our own personal journey, and how much we have grown. It helps us to looking at our own personal journey as like a journey of growth, instead of I am not better, I am not as good as compared to the other person. Yeah. So I think that also helps a lot to give ourselves more loves and self compassion towards our own personal journey to be a better person.
Ratna 28:29
At the same time, self Compassion is like a continuous journey as well, for me is also to understand ourself a lot more better, by also understanding our own personal boundary. What are the things that makes us happy? What are the things that probably doesn’t serve us well, and having the courage to also say no, to the things that don’t serve us? Well, another tip will be taking ourselves less seriously. Because sometimes we take ourselves too seriously, we probably get offended if someone says certain things or have things not meeting our expectations. So I think learning to really take ourselves less seriously and just having fun really helps a lot to also cultivate a self compassion.
Cheryl 29:20
If there’s one question that our listeners can use to reflect on a daily basis, what would that be?
Ratna 29:29
Some of the questions that I use on my daily journaling will be what are two things that I’m grateful for today? The second one is “What are the things that I wanted to let go of today?” That practice really helps me a lot to let go of whatever things that doesn’t serve me because a lot of times, we always think the letting go part is like such a big thing. But I think is that in the daily practice of letting go really helps us to ease a lot of tension as well. And the third one is “what are the things I’m proud of?” It helps us to also remind our own personal growth and milestones every single day. A lot of times we forget to really remind ourselves about what are the things that we have accomplished. Last but not least, is the fourth question that I always ask myself is, what are the things that I wanted to focus on today? So, that really helps me a lot to really focus on what truly matters today. Those are the four questions that I always ask myself every day during my daily journaling.
Kai Xin 30:34
Thank you so much. I thought those are really helpful. And to wrap up, I think we can talk about some of the common themes that we have been discussing, I think it comes back full circle to really identifying what serves us and what doesn’t serve us, whether it’s the voice in our head, or whether is it finding friends so that we can move ahead. Inner critic isn’t all that bad if we use it correctly, and also to not take things too personally to see from a third person’s perspective, so that we don’t feel so much shame. Shame is not ours. Fear is not ours, but it is us who experience it. And those are very transient as well. So thanks a lot for helping us to reframe our mindset to overcome our negative self talk.
Cheryl 31:17
I really love how throughout the episode, sister Ratna always shared about how mindfulness is really the anchor point, and it’s really the foundation in which these transformations and this reframing of perspectives and narratives come from. It’s a good inspiration and a good reminder to always use mindfulness as a foundation, and more importantly, apply to the challenges that you’re facing. And I think with that, we could wrap up today’s episode.
Kai Xin 31:46
Thanks for being here. Thank you. And that’s a wrap for this episode. If you’d like to stay inspired by Ratna, you can follow her on IG or Facebook. Links are in the show notes. And if you’ve benefited from this episode, do share it with your friends and leave us a five star review wherever you’re tuning into this podcast to the next episode. May you stay happy and wise!
Buddhist Film Reviews is a partnership between HOL & THIS Buddhist Film Festival 2022 (3rd Sep 2022). THISBFF 2022 features 1 film this year for viewers to get a taste of 2023’s full film festival!
TLDR: A reluctant educator is sent to a ‘dark valley’, what will he learn? Will he find happiness there or does happiness await for him in a place like Australia?
Director Pawo Choyning Dorji explores the answer of happiness in a real-life inspired narrative and picturesque stills taken mainly in Bhutan’s Lunana, a remote village sitting on the Himalayan highlands along the Bhutan–Tibetan border.
The Dark Valley
Lunana, literally translated as the dark valley, is an eight-day hike from the nearest road. No electricity. No cellular data. Harsh cold winds. An isolated community of 56, Lunana is surrounded by the daunting heights of the Himalayan mountain range.
No wonder the main protagonist, Ugyen, a reluctant educator from Thimphu, Bhutan’s capital, who so desires to migrate to Australia, finds it tough to accept a teaching stint to the children of Lunana, for them to be more than yak herders and cordyceps gatherers.
Weaving skilful cinematographic techniques with multi-layered storytelling, such as contrasting long shots of Himalayan mountains and close-up shots of character interaction, the film allows its viewers to experience humanity’s warmth that flows from a heart purified by Lunana’s vast pristine landscape.
Throughout every intentional juxtaposition of characters sprinkled with dashes of humour, Director Pawo guides us to witness Ugyen’s growth from a stuck-up young adult into a self-sacrificing teacher that “touches the future” of Lunana’s young generation.
Generosity in a material scarce land
Credits: THISBFF
As if the purity of Lunana’s land and its villagers’ humble hearts steeped into his, Ugyen learns how material scarcity distils into easy contentment and unwavering generosity.
The latter virtue is most impressionable amongst the Lunana villagers. We observe the giving of material comfort to a stranger, the giving of compassion towards an unappreciative city-dweller, and the giving of goodwill towards all beings through an offering of songs.
A yak in the classroom
Credits: THISBFF
The film’s recurring song, titled Yak Lebi Lhadar, has a heart-stirring tune that calls out the precious bond between a yak and his herder. In Bhutan, yaks are gentle creatures the highlanders depend on for fuel and meat.
Viewers soon learn of this song’s significance in the film when Ugyen had to leave this village of simplicity before winter.
From a receiver of Lunana villagers’ warm hospitality to a giver of hope and motivation to its children, Ugyen is seen to experience happiness in heart-warming moments as his generosity grows with the spirit of the highlanders.
But is this happiness limited to being in Lunana? Where else can Ugyen seek it from? Would Ugyen return to Lunana again for the following spring? The viewers beg to wonder.
This film reveals details at the most unsuspecting moments to form the dots for viewers to connect! If you intend to watch, give all your attention to the little nooks and crannies in the story. The answer to happiness awaits in your awareness.
Liked what our author experienced? Book your tickets right here!
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
As July begins, it is say goodbye to the first half of the year. We look at two stories of comforting others who are griefing. We often find ourselves saying ‘My condolences’…can we do better?
1. How NOT to show empathy
2. How to write a condolence message
How NOT to show empathy
What’s going on here & why we like it
Calm Collective, an awesome Singapore mental health organisation, shares a quick guide on showing empathy and the pitfalls to avoid. This is a succinct carousel post on how we can do better when helping friends through their hardest times.
“Compare their experiences with someone else. This gives them the signal that their emotions are not important”
Wise Steps
When engaging with friends who are in tough times, whip out this post to avoid the pitfalls. Train yourself to be mindful in your responses.
Option B, an insta page dedicated to mental health shares on how we can write condolence message. Spoiler alert: It is more than saying ‘My condolences’ which tends to ring empty. We like it as it is actionable and also gives you ways to approach those who are greiving.
“Acknowledge the supreme shittiness of the situation”
Wise Steps
Apply active listening and empathy when engaging with friends who are in need of a ear. Saying filler phrases like “I am sorry for your loss” can be replaced with better phrases like “Is there anything I can do for you right now?”
