Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
The last public holiday felt like ages ago. The office space or your team feels chaotic. How can we work with chaos? How do astronauts cope with stress?
1. Astronauts, Heartbeat, and our unpleasant emails
2. Chaos at office! How to deal with it the Buddhist way
Astronauts, Heartbeat, and our unpleasant emails
What’s going on here & why we like it
Ryan Holiday, a famous stoic, shares how astronauts are chosen for their missions into space and how they keep regulated under stressful situations. We like how Ryan brings astronauts’ training into how we can train to deal with adversity even better!
“Often times, the way we respond to something makes it worse. We tell ourselves something is unfair.”
Wise Steps
How often do we prepare ourselves for hardship? Wanting things to be how we want them to be rather than the way things are? Running through scenarios of negativity that one might face in the day prepares one for the uncertainty that might lie ahead.
P.S. “Premeditatio malorum (“the pre-meditation of evils”) is a Stoic exercise of imagining things that could go wrong or be taken away from us. It helps us prepare for life’s inevitable setbacks and develop resilience in the face of uncertainty. “- Ryan Holiday
Check out the awesome Tiktok below!
Chaos at office! How to deal with it the Buddhist way
What’s going on here & why we like it
Pema Chodron, a famous western Tibetan nun, shares how we can deal with chaos in the best way possible. She provides us with 3 ways we can deal with chaos such as going to places which scare us and using poison as a medicine.
“We breathe it in for everybody. This poison is not just our personal misfortune, our fault, our blemish, our shame—it’s part of the human condition.”
Wise Steps
Pema Chodron introduces us to the Buddhist contemplation and meditation of Tonglen. Taking in the negative energy from ourselves and others and emitting the positive energy into the environment. Super cool and worth a short at visualisation/ contemplation
TLDR: How many of us have heard that we need to be ‘more positive’ and ‘be grateful’, often without much context to this advice? Have we wondered whether it is the most appropriate action for our situation?
A friend suggested that I start a gratitude journal to ‘be happier’. Having heard of the lauded benefits of a gratitude journal but having no urgency to undertake the exercise, I politely said “I’ll ask you more when I want to do it”.
The second time he mentioned it again, I felt like I was being forced on something I did not need nor want. Nevertheless, I said “okay, tell me more” out of curiosity about his view.
He was probably glad that I was finally open to his suggestion and enthusiastically explained that I need to journal in the following order:
End the day with three amazing things that happened in the day
How could I have made today better?
Start the next day with three things I’m grateful for
What are three things that would make today better?
An affirmation for the day
Be aware of the tunnel-view
Listening to his explanation, I enquired a little more:
How do you define ‘amazing’?
Must things always be ‘amazing’ for you to feel grateful?
What if you run out of amazing/good/better ‘things’ to be grateful for?
This friend was probably a little taken aback by my questions and carefully tried to shorten the conversation. I must admit I tend to question certain views/perspectives that seem ‘fixed’ on the surface, something that may not always be appreciated by others.
It is not the intention to challenge people for the sake of it or even to invalidate their views. It is mainly for active discussion on the bigger picture we might have missed by holding tightly to these views.
I do agree there are benefits to looking at (small and big) things in appreciation – like the quote we often hear: ‘What we focus on, becomes our reality.’
I see the benefit of honestly assessing feelings/emotions arising and looking deeper to see the source of such emotions and lessons I might find.
What does ‘grateful’ actually mean?
Grateful (adj) is defined in Oxford Learner’s Dictionary as “feeling or showing thanks because someone has done something kind for you or has done as you asked”.
It makes sense to me that there is a need for a person to be grateful for something, whether or not it results from someone.
Nevertheless, I’m speaking against forcefully conjuring up positive aspects to be grateful for when it could be more helpful to take a wider-angle approach.
It was just months ago that I faced this. The old condition of lower back pain returned, in its worst form (yet). Since then, every single step caused a sharp pain in the back, I was unable to sit up or even bend from the waist.
I joked with my colleagues that I was working horizontally – literally lying down with the laptop on bended knees. The flexibility to work from home was helpful then.
As the weeks and months developed, the pain spread to the leg, and I was unable to sleep at night due to the almost constant aches. There was not only a worsening physical condition but also the plunging of my mind into darkness – a feeling of helplessness as I was living alone in Singapore.
The fear crept in: ‘What if I fall, knock my head somewhere and just pass on?’, ‘What if I don’t recover this time?’
The familiar treatment cycle returned: specialist visits, scans, physiotherapy visits, chiropractor visits, TCM visits. The pain subsided and returned, sometimes lighter, sometimes stronger. The short period of relief was during deep sittings of meditation. After months of treatment, there was this exhausted air surrounding me.
When ‘gratitude’ takes a back seat, what can happen instead?
One day I decided to stop all treatment and laid with all the pain, fear, and anxiety. The pressure of efforts and expectations had finally got to me. I was burnt out from fixing my pain. I was extinguished before the pain was extinguished.
As soon as I made that decision inside my heart to not strive, a surge of peace arose.
The pain and aches were still present, but the agitation and frustration surprisingly went away. I moved slowly through the days, physically and emotionally. A clear message surfaced for me: Take it slow.
Sure, there were many things that I could focus on for gratitude: friends who checked up on me regularly, friends who offered to send food, situations that allowed me to work from home, and an understanding boss who allowed my short-notice days off for treatment visits.
They were all valid ‘things’ to be grateful for.
I do agree that we could steer the mind to be more aware of positive aspects of our day; not led astray by emotions into the darker side.
But what if we just can’t?
Not immediately or maybe not for this situation. We, perhaps, can just be with the pain and see it as it is. Pain is something not to be ‘treated quickly’ but something to be ‘embraced’. That opens us up to opportunities beyond ‘just’ being grateful for ‘things’ that the mind is mechanically forced to churn out.
Contemplate feelings within feelings
Even gratitude is also a variation of feeling, which ebbs and flows according to the situation. Rather than forcing myself to be grateful no matter what and making it an obligation to list things I’m grateful for, it was more helpful for me to watch the situation as it is.
Frustrating time, grateful time, anxious time, angry time, happy time – they are part of human experiences. It is okay to feel them; see the temporary nature and let them be.
One emotion is not better or worse than the other, I can acknowledge all and not repress those I judge as ‘bad’ emotions. This is what I understood when I recently read Mahāsatipaṭṭhānasutta 10 (MN 10) which explains “contemplation of feelings within feelings”. I realised I was resisting the situation and feeling frustrated when my efforts didn’t bear my expected results.
This teaching echoes the Buddha who eloquently explained it:
Herein, monks, a monk when experiencing a pleasant feeling knows, “I experience a pleasant feeling”;
when experiencing a painful feeling, he knows, “I experience a painful feeling”;
when experiencing a neither-pleasant-nor-painful feeling,” he knows, “I experience a neither-pleasant-nor-painful feeling.”
I was feeling physical pain, which resulted in wanting to remove the pain and frustration when I was unable to do so. I had unknowingly amplified the physical pain with unnecessary mental pain. When awareness of this situation arose and I was able to drop the mental pain, only physical pain remained – which wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t that bad either.
My back’s condition has gotten better; I’m back to light treatment and a more physically active lifestyle since then.
This experience taught me that the absence of gratitude does not automatically mean ingratitude or taking things for granted.
Sometimes we may need to see things as they are, even when they do not fit in the ‘positive outlook’ that is repeatedly pushed on us.
I am keeping my journaling practice, though it’s not reserved exclusively only for ‘gratitude journal’. But rather a blank space to document all kinds of experiences, reflections, and learnings. It brings about a wider life outlook for me than ‘just’ gratitude.
Wise Steps:
Intentionally setting time and space for gratitude is generally a good habit. However, be careful of whitewashing situations with just ‘anything’ to be grateful for
Human experiences are rich and varied, encompassing positive and negative emotions – this is the nature of human experience
We do not have to force for ‘something’ to be grateful for, it’s okay to allow what we are feeling and see them as they are
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
Great resignation. Middle of the year. A time for reflection on how we have done this year and how we can use the second half in the most meaningful way. Here are two stories!
1. Actively looking to avoid doing your work? This might be a sign to quit
2. You are burning out. What can you do? A Buddhist monk answers
Actively looking to avoid doing your work? This might be a sign to quit
Harvard Business Review Screenshot
What’s going on here
If you are looking for a sign to quit your job. Here are 6 to check out! Harvard Business Review shares 6 ways to find out if we should quit our job and move on to brighter things.
Why we like it
HBR is very candid on the signs to look out for. These signs have been seen in friends who faced bleak tunnels in their careers…they later left the job for greener pastures. It is supremely actionable!
“Have you been procrastinating more and more lately?”
Wise Steps
Have an honest sit down with yourself on what you want in your career and whether there is growth left in your career at your current job!
You are burning out. What can you do? A Buddhist monk answers
Unsplash
What’s going on here
Venerable Nick, a Thai monk, shares why we are burning out and what we can do about it. The 22-min video is a nice walkthrough of examples of burnout and how we can manage that. He shares how the body falling sick is often a wake-up call for our mind when we are pushing too hard and how we need not wait for that to take action in our lives.
Why we like it
Venerable Nick touches on real-world positive examples of monks and local workers managing work, and how the need to do everything fast can blur the lines for us between work and rest.
“Of course we can do things faster but what is the point?…We try to do things with intentions and that intention is to use every activity to train our minds.”
Wise Steps
Find an activity that refreshes you. That slows you down from work and reminds you of the goodness of the world.
Enjoy the advice below!
Want to check out a book dealing with burnout? Click here!
TLDR: In the healthcare line, we often forget to care for ourselves before caring for others. The fear of making mistakes can cripple us. Diving deeper, Li Hui shares her experience as a first-year junior doctor
Since I started work as a first-year junior doctor, also known as (aka) ‘house officer’ or ‘HO’, I have gone through many highs and lows. It has been an enriching journey with pain and joy. These are 3 learning points I felt are useful for those starting work. May you take on what’s useful and discard what is not useful for you!
1. To care for yourself before you care for others
Ever since work started, I have become much more impatient than before. It is easier for small inconveniences to upset me especially when I am tired. For example when my laptop runs out of battery during my ward rounds or simply when the system takes a long time to load.
Whenever I get angry at myself or others, I end up feeling guilty afterwards especially if I was unkind in my speech or actions. In times like this, I try to remind myself that these are only transient states that I have.
Rather than ‘I am angry’, I tell myself, ‘There is anger’ These emotional states are like passing clouds in the sky and will eventually pass.
I remind myself not to only focus on my flaws as I am not perfect and that we are all trying our best wherever we are.
Being kind to myself is as simple as just acknowledging whatever I am feeling whether it is good or bad.
When there is anger, fear or anxiety, I calm myself down by putting my palm to the centre of my chest and tuning in with myself just for that moment. The warm sensation in my chest diverts my attention away from all the overwhelming emotions in the mind but brings attention to my heart.
One mindfulness teacher once taught us that this practice is called the hand of compassion. And this hand of compassion can be readily available to you anytime you need it.
Kindness to self and others is important in the workplace precisely because of how stressful and tiring work can be.
We are all trying our best for our patients, however, we have to remember that we have to first care for ourselves before we can care for our patients.
2. It’s okay to make mistakes!
I am someone who is generally very harsh on myself.
When other people make mistakes, I can forgive others very easily. But when I make a mistake, it is almost as if I don’t deserve forgiveness. Perhaps this mindset could be due to the way we were brought up in our education system, in an environment that emphasises the importance of striving and achieving.
I have always tried my best to push myself to be the best I can be. In this process, it is easy to forget that this body of mine is not a machine for me to force it to do whatever I want it to do. I forget that my body and mind need to be cared for and needs to be loved. Part of self-love is also about accepting and forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we have made.
One way I learn to cope with mistakes is to share my encounters with my colleagues and peers so that they would not commit the same mistakes that I’ve made, to protect them and also our future patients.
I always try to tell myself that what is done cannot be undone and there is no point in being upset about it. I still struggle with letting go of my mistakes from time to time.
One of my seniors from the Medical Dharma Circle shared that sometimes when we sit down and meditate after a long day of work, there is a lot of garbage that comes into our minds. There are a lot of thoughts and conversations from the day that surface and we find it hard to settle down on our breath.
And this is expected because this is the state of the unenlightened mind. However, we suffer when we expect our minds to be silent and calm when it is not. It is through this gap between expectation and reality that we find suffering.
Similarly, we make mistakes partly due to our habitual tendencies from the past and our defilements. We are bound to make mistakes because we are still unenlightened and we still have defilements. The best we can do is to accept our mistakes and learn from them. Making the determination to not make the same mistake again can be strengthened by reminding ourselves of the consequences.
3. One step at a time
I first started trekking with my friends when I was still a medical student and I fell in love with it!
I loved the beauty, the peace and the quiet that I experienced during the trek.
Trekking was also about taking one step at a time and your mind being nowhere else but right here in the present, with nothing to think about at all. It was a beautiful experience.
There’s a Chinese saying that goes ‘ A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’. Housemanship has truly been a difficult year thus far. I am chronically tired. Perhaps the fatigue was carried over from medical school, or maybe because of my social commitments and poor sleep hygiene.
But amidst the fatigue and stressors and when work gets overwhelming, I try my best to take it one day at a time, one task at a time.
Sometimes I take deep breaths while waiting for the system to load. So that instead of being caught up in the impatience or anger at wanting things to be done as fast as possible, my attention shifts to my breath and I forget to be angry.
Sometimes I pay attention to the sensation of my feet when I am walking from one place to another instead of being consumed in my thoughts.
I think it is important for us as healthcare workers to find all these coping mechanisms because we need to look after ourselves well to be able to look after others. Our line of work puts us in a very privileged position to care for those in need and all the more this requires us to be kind and gentle to our patients and their family members.
Looking back at work once more
It is difficult to be kind to others when we are burnt out and fatigued. I am extremely grateful to be in this line of work and surrounded by people who have dedicated their lives to serving others too.
Every individual in the hospital plays an important role in patient care.
There is a saying that goes, ‘ To cure sometimes, to relieve often and to comfort always’. I hope to remember that the least I can do is to listen to my patients and their families and encourage them wherever possible.
I hope that wherever you are in your career, you find time for yourself and the things that matter to you.
Wise Steps:
We can’t care for others if we don’t have enough time for ourselves. Ensure you have moments to recharge and reestablish mindfulness with tools like ‘hand of compassion’
We are human. Making mistakes is fine! Just find ways to allow yourself to learn through reflection or peer sharing
One step at a time. This can prevent us from being overwhelmed when there are too many things that need to be done or when the journey ahead seems too difficult to continue.
TLDR: Internships are valuable opportunities for one to learn and grow. Every internship is different and there’s no need to compare. As great platforms for networking, internships can allow us to be bold and to speak out.
Internships have now become a rite of passage for university students. Lessons are learnt. White hair appears. Overtime (OT) drags. I was part of a challenging yet exciting project as an intern. Here’s what I did and my 3 takeaways.
During my internship, I worked for and with a group of solopreneurs – people who set up and run a business on their own- who were commissioned by the Chinese government to organize and host a regional China-ASEAN Startup competition.
This competition aims to bring aspiring startups and established businesses across Southeast Asia (ASEAN) into the hub of Nanning.
Being a politics and international affairs geek, I was excited to be a part of this project!
This competition is one of the subsidiary events of the high-profile China-ASEAN EXPO, where state leaders of both regions regularly attend. This attachment was not your typical corporate internship. With my unique experience, I learnt not to compare with my fellow schoolmates.
1. Comparison is the thief of joy
It’s our human nature to compare. At times, comparisons encourage healthy competition and push us to improve. However, we must be careful of envy’s trap.
When I was in my polytechnic days, I used to envy friends who secured internships with internationally renowned firms. I was dejected, demoralized and desperate when my applications were rejected.
I felt that opportunities were only reserved for the rich, bright and powerful.
Little was I aware that I was a victim of the “three poisons” (Anger, Greed & Ignorance) and experienced Dukkha (Suffering). This cycle of anguish formed from Taṇhā (Craving) as I desired to conform to stereotypes and to be accepted as a contributing member of society. Thankfully, this mindset was all but in the past.
As I aged and gained wisdom from the Dhamma, I realised that interning with big firms does not necessarily mean that they are the right firms for us.
These firms may mass employ undergraduates and drive more competition. However, interns may get less opportunity to learn and shine as the same ‘workload’ gets diluted with many other interns.
Coupled with high expectations and added pressure, internships with these firms may not always be the thriving spot for some. I gleaned this insight from my friend’s experiences with global corporations.
Everyone learns at different speeds. In large firms, interns are often put together in a graduate program and expected to be on the same learning curve.
I used to be a slow learner and appreciate colleagues giving me the time and space to find my feet. Working in a small group for my internship with the startup competition project, I could take adequate time to learn the ropes. With more confidence, I contributed more to the project. I had greater exposure and was able to learn more.
Every internship is different and each internship brings something different to the table. No one size fits all.
Some questions to ponder for those finding internships: Prestige or growth? Short-term or long-term? The questions help us recognize that no path is the same and it’s in our power to chart our path. Instead of comparing our internship experiences, we can focus on our learning journey and choose a firm with a culture that we stand to gain the most from.
2. Linkages – Our network is our net worth
The best part of an internship is the opportunity to network and establish links. Internships are not merely for us to gain exposure to the working world.
As cliché as it sounds, our potential net worth is indeed determined by our network.
Internships present a valuable opportunity to speak to industry experts, high net-worth individuals, business leaders, and even government officials.
From left: Remus, his work buddy, and his boss
I like having choices. An internship opens as many doors as possible. We never know which door will be open. For those of us considering a career switch, we could potentially chance upon someone in your desired industry during networking events.
For instance, my interest is to become a sinologist and this internship presented me with the opportunity to network with key Chinese government officials and intermediaries. Pushing boundaries, and seizing networking opportunities led to me meeting personnel from Alibaba Group, Chulalongkorn University, Startup founders among many others.
How do we network?
Start with weak ties such as old friends in industries you are keen on or seniors from previous internships or acquaintances from networking events.
We’d be surprised how many people say yes to small favours to connect with us. For the brave, you can try lunchclub.com (https://lunchclub.com/) which connects you to different like-minded people looking to network.
Networking helps expand’s one connection and creates potential opportunities to open more doors. However, it requires stepping out of the comfort zone which I know some may be fearful of. This brings me to the next lesson.
3. Understanding Fear
Buddhism teaches us that all beings feel fear and anxiety. It’s normal to feel a sense of apprehension about joining a new firm or saying hi to strangers in networking sessions.
Often, our nervousness, anxiety and fear engulf us, making us meek out. Having faith in our potential to learn and grow counters that fear with gradual confidence. Confidence is crucial even as an intern! There are benefits to honing our confidence.
Being open and ready to speak out conveys our knowledge of your material. As an intern, speaking out establishes clear boundaries to co-workers and signals to others that we are not easy pushovers.
By speaking up, we learn more and gain respect for being humble at learning. Internships are all about learning so it is alright to make mistakes. Be bold and optimistic rather than submit to the corporate hierarchical order.
Remus (Second from left) & his team
Here, I am not endorsing interns step over authority!
Rather, I believe we learn a whole lot more by speaking out (whenever necessary) since we stand to lose more opportunities to ask questions by staying quiet.
During my internship, I liaised with an external firm for creating marketing collateral. The firm assured us that the final product would align with our expectations. I suspected that the firm inferred our instructions differently and might produce something that’s below expectations and might cause delays.
Recollecting the Buddha’s teaching of Ehipassiko – come and see for yourself or simply to investigate – overcame my fear of speaking out. True enough, upon further probing, my suspicions were proven true as there was indeed some misunderstanding.
Beyond practising mindfulness we must also investigate before jumping to any conclusion. By doing so, we would not just seek the truth but also insulate ourselves from false accusations.
It’s also crucial to be firm and speak up if we have any concerns. In normal circumstances, as an intern, I have limited right to speak out against leading marketing experts for an area where I have got no experience in.
However, by knowing the project’s needs, in this case, the direction where the competition should be headed, I had the duty to manage these external stakeholders.
The purpose of an internship is for you to learn. Thus, it’s important to step out of the comfort zone, be bold, not be fearful of making mistakes and always be ready to speak out.
Through these lessons, I have grown to be a much happier and confident person. By not comparing, I was able to block out negative externalities and focus my time and energy on what matters. Doing so, I gained confidence and was able to expand my connections and overcome fear.
These are my 3 takeaways from my experience as an intern. I hope this advice would provide you with some useful insights to gaining confidence and overcoming fear.
Wise Steps:
Comparison is the thief of joy: Understand which internship path helps you to reach your learning goals
Build that networking muscles by reaching out to old friends in exciting industries or seniors from previous internships. Getting the first ‘hello’ is probably the hardest but most fulfilling step!
Know that dear friend fear. Countering it with knowledge, courage, and mindfulness can slowly decrease its grip on us
