TL;DR: Yi Khoon goes on retreat at Wat Pah Subthawee, Luang Por Ganha’s monastery. Learning from Luang Por**, he realises the importance of (1) letting go of our likes, dislikes and fixed views, for attachment to these brings suffering. To do so is (2) to be mindful; to perceive the arising of sensations and their fading away without clinging to them. He realises he should also strive to be (3) happy — both at work, and outside of it.
Author’s Note: This article shares my takeaways from a nine-day self-retreat at the monastery where Luang Por Ganha resides (Wat Pah Subthawee). The teachings referenced were given by Luang Por Ganha in Thai, translated by a volunteer or Ajahn* Tillo (Luang PorGanha’s attendant, a German monk) during the morning audience addressing both laypeople and monastics.
“Losing your sense of self”
Temple Entrance
This was a point that was repeated almost daily in Luang Por’s audience. What does “sense of self” mean? And what does “losing” mean?
For that I consulted Ajahn Tillo and he mentioned that “sense of self ” meant one’s “likes and dislikes”. Likes and dislikes towards what? To get a clearer picture I referred to SN 22.59
Matching up the sutta and the comment from Ajahn Tillo, I understand Luang Por asking us to drop our preferences for the aggregates and our attachment to forms, feelings, thoughts, and perceptions of things.
Why did Luang Por stress this?
I think it’s because we are always drifting between likes and dislikes, and holding onto fixed views about things. But the world is impermanent and constantly changing.
So having a fixed view (“I must have the chicken rice I like!”) means that the day your favourite thing is gone, there will be dukkha (Pali: suffering/dissatisfaction), which is the Second Noble Truth: craving/attachment leads to suffering.
The way out of dukkha is to drop our likes and dislikes and be okay with the world as it is. If the chicken rice store is open, there is nice chicken rice to eat. If the chicken rice store is closed for good, it’s okay, I can eat something else.
Dropping our preferences is easier said than done. So how do we do it? The other two points share more on how we can do that.
“Mindfulness in all four postures and not just on the cushion.”
The second point that Luang Por stressed was to have mindfulness in all four postures (standing, walking, sitting, and lying down; i.e. mindfulness in all our everyday activities) with Sati (Pali: mindfulness) and Sampajañña (Pali: clear comprehension).
Having mindfulness and clear comprehension of …?
Having mindfulness and clear comprehension of sense contact (the formation of sensations through the meeting of our sensory organs and external phenomena) and the impermanence of the sensations.
As we go about our daily lives — seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching and thinking — we have many instances of sense contact. From this, our likes and dislikes about the sensations that arise are triggered based on our past conditioning.
Luang Por reminds us to go about our lives being mindful (e.g. using the breath as a meditation object), see that we have sense contact (I see something), and see the sense objects fade away (I see something, and it’s gone).
To appreciate this, we should see the results of not following this teaching. We see a food item, recognize that it is something we like, and we decide to eat it. When the food is finished, we lament that there’s not enough, and greed arises. When we see food that we dislike, aversion to the food arises, and we have negative feelings. Both likes and dislikes are triggered by the sight of food.
So instead of getting attached, we should be aware that we have a sense experience (sight/smell etc.), be aware of the experience, and see the experience fade, while not getting attached to it.
Returning to the teaching about mindfulness in all four postures, Luang Por mentioned to a group of Korean monastics that they should be like normal people and walk around the monastery looking straight instead of looking at the floor.
I found this to be a cute example which meant that even monastics should go about their daily lives like laypeople (with sense restraint). Instead of looking at the floor, rejecting all sense contact, the Korean monastic should have sense contact and see sense contact fade as part of their training.
Note: This is my personal interpretation of the situation. Any misinterpretations are regretted.
“Learn to be happy at work and at home”
The third takeaway was a piece of advice directly given to me by Luang Por. I realise that as I go about daily life, I tend to separate work life and daily life.
I would tell myself to bear the suffering or stresses of work to get a paycheck. Then I will relax after work and be happy.
But upon reflection, since work takes up a large part of my life, I should be enjoying my work on top of my personal life. I mean — I can die at work, and so I should die happy.
Lake in the monastery
But work is stressful, right? Stress comes from wanting a certain outcome. So, I should learn to manage the conditions and hope to deliver the work successfully (if the outcome is not what was expected, I should exercise right speech to deliver the negative news to my boss peacefully hehe).
Gratitude to the lay volunteers and retreatants
My self-retreat at Luang Por Ganha’s monastery was hassle-free, and I was very well taken care of even though it was my first time there. This is only made possible due to the resolute lay volunteers and monastics at the monastery who were so welcoming and pleasant to be around.
The volunteers went through their respective duties: from carrying out administrative activities, cooking, cleaning, and arranging the monastery selflessly and tirelessly.
They truly practise the teachings of Luang Por in their acts of service, putting aside their sense of self and their preferences to serve others even though they are tired.
As a fellow volunteer at Dhamma groups in Singapore, I see the efforts of the volunteers and have a deep appreciation that they can run such a big monastery full of joy and without any stress.
Footnote:
* Ajahn: meaning “one who teaches” in Thai, used to address Buddhist monks who have kept their precepts unbroken for a period of ten years;
** Luang Por: meaning “venerable father” in Thai, used as a title for respected senior Buddhist monastics, signifies an Ajahn of acknowledged seniority in Thai Buddhism.
Wise steps:
The first is a tip from Luang Por and I’ll steal it: Have periods of mindfulness during work to reset yourself. Do short sessions of breath meditations throughout your working hours to calm yourself down.
Know your preferences, likes and dislikes. If you know that you like or dislike certain foods, become mindful before you start eating that food. So, you don’t get distracted by your preferences. But please still enjoy your food and experiences, just don’t get attached.
Pay Luang Por Ganha a visit and learn from him directly.
TLDR: From my retreat, I have realised how to stop getting in the way of myself and how to support myself in my spiritual journey by diving deeper and contrasting what the Buddha and society defines as happiness.
Before the retreat, I was feeling trapped with so much anger, ill-will, and desires – all nicely wrapped up in a package and delivered to me.
I didn’t know what to do with it, and understandably, I ended up blaming the people around me or myself instead. As you would have guessed, it did not help me feel any better.
During the second day of our retreat, Sis Sylvia Bay, an esteemed Dhamma practitioner, gave us a crash course in the basics of Buddhist teachings. At the end of the session, I remembered writing in my notebook: “I see the light”.
You see, so many of us are caught in the day-to-day hustle and bustle with no time to reflect on whether we are doing things that truly reflect our values or who we aspire to be.
And even if we did, the beliefs that we hold as human beings, mainly about what makes us happy – are often distorted and inaccurate due to societal conditioning. We think that we know what makes us happy.
But when we put in the time, effort, and money to pursue it, we start to realise that it does not bring us as much happiness as we think it would. Perhaps that happiness was short-lived, or we realised it was not what we thought it to be. Perhaps there was happiness, but there were also stresses that came out of it.
And so, we may ask ourselves… Why does happiness feel so elusive?
It’s like a baby, desperately trying to get our attention, and at the same time, easily wavered and attracted to shiny, fancy items in the external world.
It is constantly moving and on the lookout for the next thing it could attach itself to, so that pleasure can be maximised.
But at what cost?
Like a parent who struggles with a baby, frustration and agitation arise when we can’t seem to control our minds. It doesn’t help that in this modern day and age, there are simply too many things fighting for our attention – be it at shopping malls, or on social media. This can add fuel to the fire, making it harder for our minds to rest.
“Choose Your Dukkha Wisely”
During the retreat, there was a joke going around about how this phrase should be printed on future Daywa shirts: “Choose your Dukkha Wisely”, as shared by my Dhamma friend, Heng Xuan.
What does it mean to choose our dukkha wisely?
“Dukkha” refers to the suffering/unsatisfactoriness that plagues us as human beings, which comes in the form of unsatisfactoriness and unhappiness in life.
According to the Buddha, the cause of dukkha is craving (2nd noble truth). Each time we want something, be it an object, an accolade, an affirmation, or even simply wanting people to like us… These would ultimately lead to suffering because we have the wrong view that these things are permanent and we rely on them to give us happiness.
Growing up, we chase what society tells us is “good for you“, be it good grades, a job promotion, lots of money, a big house, etc.
How many times have we heard stories of people chasing all of these in the corporate world, only to realise that the happiness it brings is not only transient but unreliable?
How many times have we heard of stories that also shared about how living a life that is true to our values and doing what we love is likely to bring us contentment and happiness, despite “having less”?
As I listened to the Dhamma sharing by Sis Sylvia, it suddenly dawned upon me that such. is. life.
This is the human condition and traits of the existence of life.
As humans, we are born with seeds of desires, lust, anger, ill will, and perhaps hatred. We are conditioned by society to think, act, and behave in a certain way since young. As a result, we may be unknowingly watering these seeds without the awareness that it inevitably brings us dukkha.
We think that having more brings us happiness, so we frantically purchase items online when it’s 1/1 or 11/11. We think that we have to be right, and so we try to disprove another’s opinion when it differs from our own. We dislike people who dislike us or do not respect us.
And yet, as humans, we are also born with seeds of goodness. Seeds of compassion, metta (loving-kindness), generosity, and a sense of conscience guide us along this path. Or perhaps, as Buddhists, we can think of it as getting in touch with our bodhicitta and living out the qualities of the Buddha.
So how to choose our Dukkha Wisely? Stay tuned for Part II
Wise Steps:
Understand the nature of our minds
Tame the mind through Dhamma learning and meditation
Be patient and gentle with yourself through this journey
TLDR: Some of us take to meditation like fish to water and, at some stage, want to further stretch that mindfulness muscle through formal instruction, an extended retreat, and group practice. This article contains a list of short meditation retreat options (a day or less) for anyone looking to explore their practice or to find a meditation community.
Before we go on – if you’re a beginner to meditation who is figuring out questions such as ‘Why meditate?’, and ‘What is Buddhist meditation?’ – we have the perfect article for you! Meditation 101 contains a toolkit of FAQs, apps, and other resources that are tailored to someone just starting out on their meditation journey!
For those with meditation experience, we’d like to offer a reflection by ‘Yellow Pages Monk’ Ajahn Jayasaro:
“Why meditate? In fact, other questions should precede this one. Why take refuge in the Triple Gem in the first place? If one has true faith in the wisdom and compassion of the Buddha, what choice is there other than to follow the path that he revealed to us?
The Buddha taught the best way to live our lives as human beings. The teachings are a call to action, not inaction….”
1. JOYFUL GARDEN SANGHA: DAY OF MINDFULNESS (Last Sunday of each month, 10am – 4pm, Open to all)
Image: Google
About Day of Mindfulness by Joyful Garden Sangha
Day of Mindfulness (DOM) is a mini mindfulness retreat in the tradition of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Plum Village, facilitated by Joyful Garden Community of Mindful Living (Joyful Garden Sangha). It is organised usually on the last Sunday of each month. Occasionally Joyful Garden Sangha may host special events and practices too.
When an event is scheduled and open for registration, you will see it on this page. You can also join their mailing list, or follow on Facebook to be notified. Seats are filled rather quickly.
What to expect
The practice of moment-to-moment awareness in a group setting. Discover how the application of mindfulness to eating, moving, singing, listening, and more, could transform your everyday experience.
What to pack
A vegan lunch of your own, and a jacket or scarf in case it gets cold for you.
2. DAYWA: DAY OF PRACTICE A.K.A DOPE (First Saturday afternoon of each month – Open to Commune Members only)
Photo: DAYWA
About Day of Practice (DOPE) by DAYWA
The DOPE retreat format was created by organisers behind the Dhamma Assembly for Young Working Adults (DAYWA), in order to give its members a taste of what a formal retreat could be like. The retreat format adopts many practices from the Thai Forest tradition and also encourages sharing and learning between practitioners from the various Buddhist traditions.
Recommended for: Meditators interested to explore the Thai Forest practice, and to connect with other youthful practitioners.
How to register
This event is open to those in the DAYWA Commune Members only i.e. you will need to have attended at least 3 DAYWA events in a year, to join the Commune and sign up for DOPE practice.
What to expect
Chanting in Pali, reading and discussion of Early Buddhist Texts, guided and non-guided sitting meditation practice.
What to pack
Bring your own meditation cushion if you would prefer to use that. Lunch is usually organised before the practice commences, it would be optional to join for that.
3. BUDDHIST FELLOWSHIP: MEDITATION TEACHINGS AND EVENTS (Monthly line-up)
Image: Buddhist Fellowship Website
About meditation teachings at Buddhist Fellowship (BF)
Buddhist Fellowship’s (BF) weekly Sunday Services regularly feature meditation as part of its programme, often in the Theravadin traditions and with reference to early Buddhist texts such as the Annapannasati Sutta. BF also organises meditation courses and retreats with visiting monastics from time to time, so do look out for that.
Recommended for: Meditators looking to explore Theravadin traditions and early Buddhist texts.
How to register
Stay tuned to Buddhist Fellowship’s social media, such as Facebook and Telegram, for announcements.
What to expect
Experienced monastics and lay practitioners sharing their own practice and offering guided meditation experiences.
Palelai Buddhist Temple’s resident monastic community (Sangha) leads two meditation sessions on a daily basis at the Meditation Hall on the 3rd floor of the main Chedi building (go up the staircase from the central Arahants’ Hall).
Recommended for: Meditators who are familiar with Thai Forest practices.
How to register
No need to register.
What to expect
No instructions are provided, meditators of all levels are welcome to join the sit quietly behind the Sangha. A short blessing will be given at the end of the session.
What to pack
Simply bring yourself, with an open heart and mind.
5. DHARMA DRUM SINGAPORE: MEDITATION GROUP PRACTICE (Weekly, Wednesdays & Sundays)
Image: Dhamma Drum Singapore
About meditation group practice at Dharma Drum Singapore
Dharma Drum Singapore (DDS) promotes Chinese Chan Dharma Drum Buddhism based on the principles and methods of Dharma Drum Mountain founded by Master Sheng Yen. DDS regularly offers meditation group practice on Wednesdays evenings (7.30pm – 9.30pm) and Sunday mornings (9.30am – 12.00pm) that are open to the public, and conducted in Mandarin Chinese instruction.
Recommended for meditators who are interested in Chinese Buddhism and detailed meditation instruction.
How to register
Registration for each practice session opens 1 week before. Dharma Drum Singapore uses the Eventbrite system. If you use the Eventbrite App on your phone, registration will be easier and faster.
Please find on this page the link to register for the specific session that you are attending.
Please do not attend the session if you are feeling unwell. If you are unable to attend, you can also cancel your Eventbrite order to make room for others.
Simply bring yourself, with an open heart and mind.
6. KONG MENG SAN PHOR KARK SEE A.K.A. BRIGHT HILL TEMPLE: SHORT-TERM TEMPLE STAY, SELF PRACTICE, MEDITATION COURSES (Short-term temple stay available to Males only)
Image: Forum Architect which designed the new meditation hall
About short-term temple stays at Kong Meng San Phor Kark See
Amid the chaos of today’s hectic pace, have you taken a moment to calm your inner thoughts? If you desire a deeper understanding of yourself and wish to embark on a journey of self-discovery, consider immersing yourself in a short-term temple stay at Kong Meng San Phor Kark See a.k.a Bright Hill Temple. This allows you to embrace a peaceful, detached lifestyle, allowing yourself to explore the deep corners of your mind.
Recommended for: Meditators of all levels, given the variety of formats.
How to register
For self practice at the Prajna Meditation Hall, there is no need to register.
For Relaxation & Mindfulness Meditation courses, please follow the page or write in to:
For short-term temple retreats, these are open to healthy Singapore male citizens, between the ages of 17 and 60, that are able to commit to at least one month to a year of retreat. Detailed application instructions here.
What to expect
Kong Meng San Por Khark See Monastery offers a zen and peaceful environment to deepen your cultivation.
The short-term temple stay programme is currently being refined – enquire via email to find out more.
The Relaxation & Mindfulness Meditation courses are a helpful introduction to body scan relaxation techniques. You may access a preview of the type of guided meditation provided by Venerable Kwang Sheng here.
What to pack
A jacket or shawl, as one may find the air conditioning strong at certain venues in the monastery.
7. ONLINE RETREATS & OTHER RESOURCES
In the post-Covid era, online retreats have become a popular option offered by local and overseas monasteries, who have adapted their technology to broadcast teachings and retreat instructions.
Here are some online channels which you may be interested to follow to find out more:
As our list of retreat options is non-exhaustive, for each Buddhist tradition and/or temple that you feel drawn to, it is a good idea to check out their website and/or social media to find out if they are offering formal instruction or group practice settings.
TLDR: Cheryl shares her experience in attending a meditation retreat. She explores how she sought refuge from unsatisfactoriness, learned to understand and accept suffering as natural, and reduced conceit through mudita and gratitude.
From the 18th to 25th of February, I had the great opportunity to attend Ajahn Anan’s ( a renowned teacher from the Thai forest tradition) meditation retreat in person in Wat Marp Jan, Rayong, Thailand. Thankfully, the right conditions were present, such as having supportive health, work, and family conditions. Therefore, I was able to attend and complete the retreat as planned.
It is not uncommon that people full of faith in their hearts sign up, and make payments, but due to unexpected illnesses or personal matters, are unable to make it. Thus, I cherished the rare opportunity and sought to try my best in absorbing as much as I could from a teacher I respect and admire.
The routine and living conditions in the retreat were basic but were adequately comfortable. As a lay female devotee, you live in a shared two-floor dormitory with 50 other female retreatants, with no air-conditioning or private toilets. You rest on a thin mattress and a small block of cushion as a pillow to lay your head on.
The environment was void of any luxuries or excesses, providing a conducive environment to sustain and live simple lives as we spent 8 days practising the path of virtue, concentration, and wisdom.
The programme begins at 4:30 am, and consists of many hours of sitting and walking meditation, chanting sessions, 2 to 3 Dhamma talks and QnAs every day, communal chores, and the best part, one vegetarian meal a day.
As city-dwellers used to the 3Cs of Comfort, Convenience, and air-Conditioning, many of my colleagues and friends couldn’t hide their surprise. “Why put yourself through such ‘torture’?” is one of the many questions I got.
I guess what the question is really pointing to is: What are you searching for so desperately?
I was seeking refuge, to escape the chaos and hotness of the mind, swirling and spinning with the worldly winds of gain and loss, pain and pleasure, praise and blame, and fame and disrepute.
Here are 3 things I can only hope to summarise:
Understanding unsatisfactoriness is not the same as having unsatisfactoriness
There’s no “I” in total control over “my” body and mind.
Reduce conceit through mudita and gratitude
Understanding unsatisfactoriness and looking it in the eye
Before the retreat, I was a total wreck. I was extremely anxious over the possibility of losing my job, my mental state and physical health were all out of whack due to personal matters.
One may say, with all of this chaos, that I am well acquainted with the Buddha’s first noble truth of suffering, and I thought so too. I was self-proclaimed to be an expert on suffering. “Life sucks, life is so painful,” I would lament to anyone who would care to listen.
I experienced immense suffering, but I was ignorant of the truth that suffering is an inevitable part of life—and a large part of my suffering accumulated because I did not want to suffer.
I did not want to be separated from what I loved, I did not want to be associated with what I disliked. By fighting the experience of dukkha, unknowingly, I was just deepening my suffering and creating conditions for more suffering to arise.
“Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are suffering; association with what is not loved is suffering, separation from what is loved is suffering, not getting what is wanted is suffering. In short, the five clinging aggregates are dukkha. Stress should be known.
The cause by which stress comes into play should be known. The diversity in stress should be known. The result of stress should be known. The cessation of stress should be known. The path of practice for the cessation of stress should be known.”
Learning this noble truth helped me soften my attitude towards suffering. As many wise monks often say, “When one experiences happiness, it’s just like this; When one experiences sadness, it’s just like this.”
Instead of grasping tightly to the experience of suffering as mine and as something that “I should deal with” or “I should not have”, I observe the experience as something that arises, stays for a little while, and ceases. Just as fire needs the conditions of heat, oxygen, and fuel to arise, as long as the mind is still conditioned by greed, hatred, and delusion, suffering will still arise.
And the practice was to accept that the experience of a constricted mind wanting freedom is just like this, the pain of clinging is just like this, the unreasonable demands of craving are just like this, and to patiently endure till the experience ceases accordingly.
Thankfully, nothing ever stays forever and the longest a sensation lasted was 6 breaths, before the suffering ceased on its own.
In accepting suffering as something natural, and an experience that arises due to causes and conditions, I also learn to have more compassion towards myself.
Just as how one would sympathise and care for a toddler who is learning to walk and keeps falling over many times, I am reminded by the wise words of Ajahn Achalo to not underestimate the power of our negative habitual tendencies and mental afflictions, and be forgiving to ourselves as we stumble and falter in the journey.
You would not berate the toddler for falling down as he learns to walk, so do not berate yourself as you make mistakes or have unwholesome thoughts.
And lastly, understanding that Dukkha is an inevitable experience of the human condition also expands the compassion to all beings.
Regardless of whether one is clothed in Gucci or in tattered rags, living in a huge mansion or a tiny hut, everyone will have to experience the same burdens of birth, ageing, and death; of sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, and despair; of association with what is not loved, of separation from what is loved, and of not getting what is wanted.
Thus, let’s be unconditional in our compassion for fellow compatriots in old age and sickness.
There’s no “I” in total control over “my” body and mind
Anatta is the concept of non-self, which teaches that there is no permanent, unchanging entity within an individual. In the Anatta-lakhana Sutta, Buddha addressed the group of five and shared:
“Monks, form is not-self. Were form self, then this form would not lead to affliction, and one could have it of form: ‘Let my form be thus, let my form be not thus.’ And since form is not-self, so it leads to affliction, and none can have it of form: ‘Let my form be thus, let my form be not thus.’
The process of contemplating my mind and body was truly humbling as I had to surrender to the fact that there is a complete lack of control in shielding my body from afflictions no matter how much I tried. As much as I try to keep healthy and maintain hygiene, my body still falls ill and deteriorates and experience pain/sickness in almost every part.
Think of the hair of the head, hair of the body, nails, skin, teeth. Have you not experienced blisters, cuts, itches and aches, falling off and bleeding in these areas?
And if the body was truly mine, why was I not able to avoid feeling painful sensations? If the body was truly self, wouldn’t I be able to stop a cough or sneeze and be less disruptive in the Dhamma talks?
But alas, the body is not mine to control, not something I own, and is merely a machine just reacting to causes and conditions, deteriorating every day till it ceases to function anymore.
Likewise, if the mind was truly mine to control, shouldn’t I be able to control my thoughts and feelings and not be distracted when I didn’t want to?
My life has always been geared towards creating a stronger sense of control by getting what I want. With this delusion, the mind was constantly in this agitated state of wanting more and more pleasure, excitement, and enjoyment, but the craving is never ever satisfied. Oddly, the more I had, the more I wanted. Craving is not fulfilled through satisfying it.
Letting go of the sense that I had to be in full control for even just a tiny moment felt so liberating because I can just rest in a content mind, and be at ease with the present moment. The mind can finally stop chasing, and this letting go leads to the heart feeling full. Thus, contemplating on how little control one has over your mind and body can be a skillful means to bring the restless mind to stillness.
Furthermore, understanding how little control I have has also enlightened me about my own mortality. Perhaps I could die by mid-morning, perhaps I could die in the afternoon, perhaps I could die at night. Life is uncertain, and we will never know when or how we will die, but death will certainly reach us.
As one who may be intoxicated by our youth, health, and life, the idea of a near-death may seem improbable, but no one can confidently say for a fact that it is impossible.
This reflection on death also brings about energy when the mind is slacking in sloth and torpor, distracted in restless thoughts, anxiety, or sensual desires. It can therefore be also used as a skilful means for contemplation.
Practice Mudita and gratitude to reduce conceit
In the Sona Sutta, the Buddha speaks to the householder Sona regarding conceit.
“If one regards himself superior or equal or inferior because of the body, [likewise ‘feeling,’ ‘perception,’ ‘mental formations,’ ‘consciousness’] that is impermanent, painful and subject to change,what else is it than not seeing things as they really are?But, Sona, whatever recluses and Brahmans do not hold such views… What else are they but those who see things as they really are?”
Due to the conditioning of ignorance present in my mind, and the mind still clinging firmly to my five aggregates, the proliferation of conceit always arose in my mind.
As I walk, thoughts screaming for attention will go “Look at me, look at me! I’m better than them!” and then in the same vein, it will swing to the far end. “Oh my god,but I am worse than xxx!” and then sometimes “Ok lah, at least we same same!”
It was fascinating to observe how the mind see-saws endlessly between feeling pretty good about itself, to becoming awfully self-loathing and stricken with anxiety. It is painful, yet almost absurdly comedic. Ajahn Anan describes this sense of self as the “us-them” or “me-you” narrative that goes on and on and on, creating so much Dukkha along the way if left unchecked.
What I found helpful was to bring up the wholesome mindstates of appreciative joy. As Buddhists, we often use the term “Sadhu”, which means to rejoice or say “well done!” But how many of us actually take the time to truly appreciate how rare it is for another person to be walking on the Noble Eightfold Path, or appreciate how much goodness may arise from one seeing the importance of doing good, practising virtue, and purifying the mind?
Sadhu for me has always been a ritual, something you do because everyone around you says it. However, the teachers kindly reminded us to not underestimate it but to bring it up to the forefront of our mind constantly.
In practising appreciative joy, I find that rejoicing in the good deeds and success of others not only uplifts and lightens the mind, but it also reduces the unwholesome qualities of greed in the mind. I stop needing to put others down to feel better about myself, and simply feel better in the happiness others experience from getting what they want or enjoying the fruits of their labour.
Ajahn Achalo half-jokingly puts it, “It’s the easiest way to gain merit without putting in all the hard work!”
Similarly, practising gratitude is also immensely helpful to move the mind from a place of conceit to humility. Whenever thoughts of conceit arise, such as “my wisdom is superior,” “my body is equal”, “my meditation is inferior”, I recall all the people I am thankful for.
This reminds me that what I perceive to be mine are merely the byproducts of the generosity, wisdom, and compassion of so many people around me, as well as the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha.
Without all these, what I proudly claim to be “mine” would have never even existed. What is experienced as “mine” is merely a ripening of kamma stitched together by various causes and conditions. Thus, this serves as a reminder for me to be heedful of speech, thoughts, and actions, as I will be the owner and heir of the kamma ripening, be it wholesome or unwholesome.
In conclusion
The retreat was a deeply challenging yet transformative one, and the end of it is only the start of a commitment to a life-long practice. As the bus journeys from the monastery compound into the “real world”, it is important to recollect that time also does not pause as we journey one second at a time into old age, sickness, and death. So, make the best use of our limited time here to do good, avoid evil, and purify the mind.
Wise Steps:
Whenever you are suffering, take a deep breath and use the mantra “It’s just like this.” to remind you to stop resisting the experience.
Contemplate the body as not a “self” I can control, not a “mine” I own.
Keep a gratitude log and genuinely rejoice in another person’s virtue and success.
TLDR: The mind can feel chaotic with the presence of defilements. When doubt arises, try doubting the doubt to set the ground for clarity to arise. The teachers’ guidance can also help in the situation and as an object of recollection after returning to daily life.
I shared the first part of my experience of an 8-day retreat in Wat Marp Janhere, summarising my experiences in the environment. This part will summarise observations of my internal world, which may or may not be caused by external situations.
Doubtful mind
Doubt arose in the restless mind on the first few days. I found myself disliking the unfamiliar way the Dhamma talk was conducted: the Thai part by Ajahn Anan that I didn’t understand which meant I had to wait for the translated part, the seemingly unstructured topics chosen for the session, the distractions of seeing the other monks having their meals during morning Dhamma talks.
There was so much resistance in my mind that I wondered if it was the right decision to join the retreat. I decided to take Ajahn Achalo’s suggestion to doubt the doubtful thought: “Who is doubting?”.
I asked myself if the doubt was reasonable, as there must be some validity to the method if these many retreatants decided that it was worthwhile to spend 9 days away from their daily lives to be here.
Keeping this in mind, I continued with the daily schedules and, fortunately, supportive experiences started to materialise. I watched how the resident monks acted with grace and intention, listened to how the visiting Ajahns expressed their respect for Ajahn Anan, and felt how Ajahn Anan slowly drew my mind in.
My mind shifted into a lighter mode in the middle of the retreat period, and I was more receptive to the way things were conducted.
The teachers show up
We were also privileged to listen to Dhamma talks from other visiting Ajahns during the week. Ajahn Achalo dialled in via Zoom to caution us that hindrances may be amplified during the retreat period (it’s totally accurate for me!); Ajahn Ñāṇiko from Abhayagiri Monastery shared about patience-endurance (Khanti) and faith (Saddha) in our practice; Ajahn Pavaro from Tisarana Buddhist Monastery gave advice on getting ‘back’ into daily life.
For me, the peak experience was when Luang Por Boonchu graced us with his presence. Ajahn Anan treated him with such high esteem, sharing that Luang Por Boonchu was the left-hand man of Luang Por Chah (while Luang Por Liem was his right-hand man).
Visually he may look like an unassuming older monk, but he emanated such a ray of joy (or perhaps equanimity) with his light-hearted mood. He encouraged us to remain mindful and see conditions as ‘just like that’, to continue with our practice, and try something we have not done before – if we’ve never meditated overnight, we should try it out (some retreatants did that with a joyful attitude).
I experienced this ‘old monk’ as the epitome of joy and love. I was in tears by the end of the session, overcome by the overflowing joy and bliss in my heart. Feeling embarrassed, I apologised to my chore-mate for having to compose myself before our cleaning duty. She just smiled and said, “That’s okay. I cried yesterday too.”
Last but not least, Ajahn Anan stood at the centre of my overall experience. Ajahn showed up as someone a little stern in the beginning, adding to the dislike in my mind. When I finally saw Ajahn Anan’s warmth and generosity over the next few days, my mind also slowly opened up to his teachings.
I noticed Ajahn’s emphasis on continuous practice and mind cultivation (he often closed his Dhamma talk by telling us to ‘Samadhi’ – just one word and everyone gladly followed).
When daily life ‘returns’ to us
Having been to two retreats, I now understand why retreats could progress one’s practice and deepen one’s faith in their practice. The secluded environment helps to highlight areas that are ready for exploration and progress. However, the practice does not (and should not) end when we leave the monastery compound, so the effort does not go to waste.
We can find appropriate ways to continue with the habit/practice cultivated during the retreat.
Ajahn Pavaro suggested that we bring our minds to meaningful moments during the retreat so that we can recollect and lighten our minds when daily/mundane life clogs our minds.
Incorporate mindfulness in daily small actions, e.g. be aware of the body when sitting in a traffic jam. With this, we can continue using the spirit already developed during the retreat into a more mindful life.
Buddha’s smile
I’d like to close off this sharing with a small realisation. When I first saw the Buddha statue in the Eating Hall, I recall thinking, “This Buddha’s face feels awkward”.
Towards the end of the retreat, I finally saw the compassionate gaze and smile. Of course, there was no change to the statue, only a change in my perspective and understanding. It’s human nature to form opinions based on our past habits, but there can be learning as long as we keep our minds and hearts open.
The smiling Buddha Cr: Author
Wise steps:
The mind can play tricks, raising doubtful thoughts to discourage the practice. Try doubting the doubt to see the situation beyond our own liking/disliking.
Remain patient when disliking arises. Once the ‘dust’ settles down, only can the mind see clearly.
Retreat and daily life can feel like two opposite ways of life. We can apply small mindful actions to bridge the gap.
