TLDR: Burnout is common among Buddhist youth leaders but isn’t a badge of honour. Learn practical steps to serve others without neglecting yourself.
“I’ve lost the joy of service. I’m just going through the motions,” a youth leader confided during a routine welfare check. Sadly, this sentiment is all too common in the Buddhist youth community.
Juggling school, studies, work, and co-curricular activities put immense demands on youth leaders. When these responsibilities expand due to the enthusiasm of seniors, leaders can quickly burn out. The spark of joy dims, replaced by a “just get it done” mindset.
“Our youth group thrives on burnout. When a leader burns out, it’s seen as proof they’ve served to their limit—a form of selflessness,” one youth leader remarked, eyes heavy with fatigue.
This stark reflection prompted me to write this piece—a small message of support for struggling youth leaders.
Being a Buddhist youth leader is both rewarding and challenging. However, burnout should not be seen as a badge of honour. Here are 3 ways to maintain balance and thrive. May these reflections support your journey.
The Importance of Self-Care
Leadership can be overwhelming, but taking care of yourself is crucial—not just for your well-being but for the effectiveness of your service.
The Buddha reminds us in the Sedaka Sutta: “One who takes care of oneself takes care of others. One who takes care of others takes care of oneself.” By prioritising your well-being, you can better support your members and lead by example.
We cannot pour from an empty cup.
Reducing your workload isn’t selfish—it’s responsible. Delegation may seem inefficient at first. But managing everything yourself creates bottlenecks and makes breaks impossible. Reflect on tasks you can share, even if it feels uncomfortable at the start.
It’s tempting to think, “I’m being selfish by doing less.” However, delivering half-hearted service is far worse. Members join youth groups seeking peace, not to encounter stressed-out leaders from the hungry ghost realm. Instead of feeling your mettā, they may feel your burnout.
So how to self-care?
Self-care can involve practices such as meditation, exercise, and spending time in nature.
For example, if you’re mentally fatigued, a 10-minute mindfulness session can help you regain focus. Similarly, regular exercise such as yoga can reduce stress and strengthen your body. These moments to yourself help to realign to why you started in the first place.
Taking breaks isn’t indulgent; it’s restorative. You’ll return to your role with fresh energy and positivity. Don’t hesitate to seek help from mentors, peers, or counsellors.
Even the Buddha sought guidance from teachers before attaining enlightenment. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Taking Stock of Your Progress
Reflecting on your journey helps you recognise growth and stay motivated.
Celebrate your successes and the obstacles you’ve overcome. For example, think about a challenging event you organised. How did you tackle it with persistence and teamwork?
Many of us downplay our efforts, saying things like, “I only did a little.” Learning to accept compliments is a forgotten art in Buddhist circles. Try saying, “Thank you for noticing. I did my best, and I’m glad it was helpful.”
Progress on the Dhamma path also brings joy. Seeing how you’ve grown strengthens your faith in the Buddha’s teachings. What once irritated you no longer does. Avoid measuring success only by task completion. Instead, reflect on the deeper fruits of practice.
Seeing our progress also brings confidence that the Buddha’s path is Opanayiko “Leading one inwards/onwards”.
It is hard for us to lead when we don’t see the fruits of practice and only see the fruits of our excellent planning.
The Role of Spiritual Friendships
Spiritual friendships (kalyāṇamitta) are vital for sustaining Buddhist youth leaders.
Many committees focus solely on logistics, forgetting to check in with each other on a personal level. “What’s the agenda?” takes precedence over “How are you?” This misses an opportunity to deepen connections and support one another as Dhamma practitioners.
I sometimes, do forget this principle, but thankfully I have friends who remind me to ask, ‘How are you?’
Building bonds with fellow volunteers who offer honest and compassionate feedback nurtures personal growth. Attend Dhamma talks or charity events outside your group. This will broaden your perspectives and foster meaningful friendships.
Ask yourself: Are you cultivating spiritual friendships? Do you have people in your circle who can help you navigate the complexities of leadership with kindness and clarity? Nurturing such relationships can make your journey more fulfilling and balanced.
“Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life.” The Buddha corrected Ananda who said spiritual friendship was only half of the holy life.
Develop your personal practice
Volunteering is a chance to uphold the Triple Gem, share the Dhamma, and deepen your practice. However, without personal and Dhamma growth, leadership can feel hollow—like being a glorified event planner.
Going for regular Dhamma talks, Dhamma discussions, guided meditation or listening to Spotify Dhamma talks can help. They can provide perspectives on the practice.
Quiet moments for reflection allow the teachings to take root. A strong foundation in the Dhamma equips you to navigate the eight worldly winds—success and failure, pleasure and pain, praise and blame, gain and loss.
Leadership without practice can leave you vulnerable. A cautionary tale: A youth group leader, overwhelmed by events (e.g. Vesak, pujas, charity work), neglected his practice. When life’s challenges hit, he had no Dhamma or a support network to lean on. So, he eventually converted to another religion. This shocked his youth group as they lost their central leader and eventually led to the group’s demise.
In addition, working with people of diverse personalities and motivations can cause conflicts. Staying grounded in the Dhamma is essential to navigate these challenges.
Focus on practising the paramitas and upholding the precepts, even in difficult situations. Seeking forgiveness for intentional or unintentional transgressions in thought, speech, and action can bring clarity and humility to your leadership.
Ground yourself in the practice first, so you can better guide others.
Having covered 3 strategies to help you navigate the struggles, here are some quick tips for maintaining a balance between your welfare and others.
Tips for Maintaining Balance
Here are some practical tips to help you sustain balance as a Buddhist youth leader:
Knowing when to say no: It is important to say no when you are near your limit or if a task doesn’t align with the organisation’s vision/mission. When you say no to something, you are saying yes to personal space & practice.
Prioritise personal practice: Dedicate time for meditation, reading, and other practices that nourish your connection to the Dhamma.
Delegate tasks: Share responsibilities with other group members. This prevents you from being overwhelmed and lets you focus on areas where you can make the most impact.
Take breaks: Step away when needed to recharge, whether through mindfulness, a walk in nature, or simply resting.
Seek help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to mentors or peers for guidance and support.
Foster spiritual friendships: Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who inspire and challenge you to grow.
Embrace simplicity: Instead of asking, “What more can we do?” ask, “What can we do without?” Focusing on fewer, intentional activities can reduce stress. It can also boost the group’s overall well-being.
Conclusion
Managing burnout requires mindful attention to self-care, personal practice, and relationships.
By taking breaks, reflecting on your progress, nurturing spiritual friendships, and balancing your commitments, you can lead with compassion and resilience. Maintaining this balance inspires others and allows you to serve the Dhamma with joy and purpose.
TLDR: Sharing mistakes made as a former Buddhist Youth Leader and how you can avoid repeating it. Explore ways of becoming a better Buddhist youth leader in the Buddhist context.
I used to be a leader of a Buddhist youth group in Malaysia. I took the role as a committee member as I was looking up to the past leaders and I wanted to learn leadership and management skills.
From brilliant to breakdown
Yet 2 years into my committee role, things didn’t turn out well. During the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, I first started my role as a committee member. Not only did the whole team have to face the difficulties of transitioning and running online activities, but our number of participants has dropped significantly.
We tried to come up with “brilliant” online activities to attract people, however, it was little to no avail. This led to low morale and members started to leave without new participants coming in.
As the mismanagement and unwise decisions continued to be made, I left. I became a free bird, free from all the stress, conflict, and tired state of mind. I could enjoy the beautiful scenery of the Danube with the Baroque and Gothic castles surrounding the area as I pursue my studies.
However, deep in my heart, I still strongly connected with the Dhamma (Buddha’s teachings). Hence, after talking to my kalyāṇa-mittas (virtuous friends) and doing some reflection during my summer break in Malaysia, I came up with a few things I would do differently if I could turn back time to take up the responsibility of a Buddhist youth committee member again.
It is something very logical, however, I kept missing this important point by focusing on attracting as many people as possible to make the organisation look successful and to make myself look successful too. Hahaha, so much greed for the wrong thing, so much dukkha (suffering)!
After the first rains retreat, the Buddha instructed the first 60 Arahants to share the Dhamma for the welfare and happiness of the many.
I too would advise myself to continuously reflect upon this and use this as a guide to conduct Dhamma activities in the future, to add value not just for the participants but also to myself.
Let go of Ego, and attachments to fixed views (especially false ones)
Back when I was the leader, I had many ideas that I thought would benefit and be helpful to the youth group. I believed that my ideas were the right way and should be implemented.
However, this led to me being narrow-minded and hard to work with. Therefore, many conflicts and arguments happened between me and the other committee members.
During the recent DAYWA retreat in Malaysia, Sister Sylvia mentioned that when one is attached to ideas or views, dukkha will arise. Looking back, I can confirm that Sister Sylvia is right. I felt very uneasy and unsatisfied with how things were going and it has caused frustrations among the committee members.
If I could be the leader again, I would be more lenient and accepting of other people’s views and ideas as long as the things suggested would add value to people and are aligned with the Dhamma.
Focus on sharing wholesome ideas rather than teachings
Also during the DAYWA retreat, Sister Sylvia advised us to focus on sharing wholesomeness rather than teaching as some aspects of the Dhamma (Buddha’s teaching) may be quite difficult to comprehend.
As I am still on the long journey of practising and understanding the Dhamma, far from being an expert, trying to teach heavy topics, would likely result in teaching the wrong thing.
I would also be more deluded as the false idea would leave an imprint in my mind.
Focusing on sharing wholesomeness would be more suitable because it is easier to understand and we can practise it. These can include an act of kindness, being mindful of our speech and actions, being respectful of our teachers, and upholding the 5 precepts.
Practice with Kalyana-Mittas
Lastly, I want to emphasise this point because not every committee member of a Buddhist group has the intention of practising the Dhamma. However, this does not mean that they have bad intentions, rather their intentions are wholesome too, such as wanting to volunteer for the community.
As the conditions for them to practise the Dhamma (Buddha’s teachings) may not be right yet, expecting and “forcing” them to practise strictly might bring a negative effect.
However, one does not need to feel dejected. You can always find or surround yourself with the right kalyāṇa-mitta (virtuous friend)!
By surrounding ourselves with people having a common interest in practising the Dhamma, we could gain more motivation to practise and learn more consistently. Soon, you may realise that they are also the ones to help us gain deeper insight and experience more “ah-ha!” moments.
While we cannot change the past, we can certainly learn from it and apply those lessons to our present and future endeavours. These are the lessons I will keep with me and the qualities I will cultivate when being a part of any organisation in the future.
Wise steps:
Think about how to add value to people when planning activities.
Let go of our ego and mindset that our ideas are the best, and be open-minded to other people’s ideas
Focus on sharing wholesomeness instead of trying to teach
Never forget to practise the Dhamma (Buddha’s teaching) with your kalyāṇa-mitta
Editor’s note: During this Presidential Election, HOL is dedicated to fostering understanding and learning from a variety of interactions, rather than endorsing a particular political figure. We maintain an impartial stance and do not advocate for any candidate. Quotations have been abridged for clarity and grammar.
Ng Kok Song, one of the presidential hopefuls, is an advocate for meditation – a practice not often mentioned openly in the Singapore context.
Mr Ng meditating with the Late Lee Kuan Yew CR: https://mustsharenews.com/ng-kok-song/
Here are 2 life lessons we have taken away from Mr Ng’s life journey.
1. Bring mindfulness to work & life
Photo Credit: Shin Min Daily
Mr Ng believes that youths can benefit from practising meditation, which he said can give them “inner peace” and address mental health issues.
Mr Ng credits meditation as one of his greatest supports during challenging times at work. Mr Ng, a Christian meditator for over 30 years, meditates twice daily and has openly encouraged colleagues to take up the practice. As part of his priorities if elected as President, he also hopes “to raise the consciousness of mental health, and to encourage as many people as possible to come together.”
As Mr Ng shared, “Most of us tend to perceive reality distorted by our perceptions and egos. We tend to confirm our own biases. By transcending the ego, we are better able to receive reality as it is.”
This ability to move beyond entitlement was evident to our writer PJ Teh, a young GIC officer who met Mr Ng. Despite his seniority, Mr Ng took time to ask how PJ was and thank him – an uncommon humility in the high office of the corporate world.
Sustaining and walking the talk of meditation is a high bar; being able to teach your boss mindfulness (Mr Lee was on the board of GIC previously), is at a new level.
2. Approaching death with equanimity
Mr Ng cared for his wife in her final 19 months, calling it “the happiest time of our lives together because we knew time was short.” This echoes Ajahn Brahm’s teaching to smile at life’s impermanence like the end of a beautiful concert.
When a concert is over, we do not cry but rather smile at how lovely the concert was. Our role as caregivers is not to cure but to care and be present.
Having meditated together daily, Mr Ng said his late wife faced terminal cancer with equanimity. As he put it, “I cannot suffer for her but I can be by her side.” This points to meditation as training to let go of attachments and relax into impermanence, and respecting every moment as the most important moment.
Learning to meditate is like learning to die. The idea of dropping all possessions, views, and desires because you cannot take them along. Through that daily practice, we cling less to our views of how things should and should not be.
Mr Ng also shared that being loved helps overcome the fear of death. This connects strongly to the Buddhist principle of metta or loving-kindness – for ourselves and others – as support even at life’s end.
It was amazing to connect the dots between meditation, death, and love in a person’s life story.
Conclusion
Mr Ng’s life lessons showcase how daily mindfulness can imbue work and equip us to face life’s hardest times with grace. To weather life’s storms, we must build our roof beams strong through regular practice.
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’s Day! Before we touch on today’s topic, we like to share this awesome event where inspiring ladies from the Buddhist Scene share their stories of nurturing🥺 Check it out here
We often talk about the need for more empathy at the workplace. It is necessary but not enough. We start with empathy as leaders but need to move further into compassion. A compassionate family & workplace can uplift one another through these tough times. We tap on Khandro Rinpoche’s wisdom in learning how to build our compassion
1. As a leader, stop saying “I feel for you”. Try this instead
2. How to develop compassion? A cup of tea is the first step
As a leader, stop saying “I feel for you”. Try this instead
What’s going on here
Havard Business Review article on “Connecting with Empathy and Leading with Compassion” shares how empathetic leadership is not enough. It covers the differences between empathy & compassion and why empathy hijack is a real issue.
Why we like it
The super actionable article is one that you can apply at work/home immediately. We are often stuck when someone tells us that they are going through a hard time. To say “I feel for you” may seem enough for us but inadequate to the suffering person.
Some tips we liked from the article:
Take a mental and emotional step away
Ask what they need
Remember the power of non-action
Coach the person so they can find their own solution
Practice self-care
“Leaders are generally good at getting stuff done. But when it comes to people having challenges, it is important to remember that in many instances people do not need your solutions; they need your ear and your caring presence.”
Wise Steps
Don’t get empathetic hijacked! Take a step back to get a bigger perspective of the situation. That will give you energy and clarity on how to help the person (or figure out that non-action is best!)
How to develop compassion? A cup of tea is the first step
What’s going on here
How do we develop compassion for people who ‘don’t deserve it’? How do we even start with ourselves? Khandro Rinpoche, the author of This Precious Life, shares that developing compassion for others starts by reflecting on the goodness we have already received from others.
Why we like it
Khandro Rinpoche shares the opposite of how we expect developing compassion to be. We expect compassion towards others to start with others. She challenges us to go inwards before we develop compassion for others.
This short 4 mins video is music to our ears as we live in a world that is constantly seeking outwards.
“That’s what makes compassion and the practice of compassion difficult. It’s because we think we are an individual, unattached and not in any way related or connected to others”
Wise Steps
The next time someone pours you tea/coffee/bubble tea, reflect on all the positive conditions and people that led you to enjoy that drink.
