Ep 63: A Bhutanese Nun’s Solo Journey Across 12 Mountain Passes  ft. Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven Emma Slade)

Ep 63: A Bhutanese Nun’s Solo Journey Across 12 Mountain Passes ft. Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven Emma Slade)

https://youtu.be/9F3e2GLpRg8

Summary

In this powerful conversation, Buddhist nun and author Emma Slade (Ani Pema Deki) opens up about her mission to help children with special needs in Bhutan through her charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan. She reveals how her own past trauma as a hostage inspired deep empathy for those with limited autonomy, and how the values of compassion and resilience shape her every step — including her upcoming 37-day solo walk across Bhutan’s mountains to raise funds for their future.

Through stories of extraordinary courage, like a young boy training for the Paralympics, Emma and host Cheryl explore what it truly means to live a Bodhisattva vow, to act with skillful compassion, and to stretch beyond one’s comfort zone in the service of others.


About the Speaker

👤 Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade) was born in Kent, and was educated at Cambridge University and the University of London where she gained a First Class degree.  She is a qualified Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and worked in Fund Management in London, New York, and Hong Kong. 

A deep seated desire to enquire into the deeper aspects of humanity arise following a life- changing business trip to Jakarta, where she was held hostage at gunpoint. She resigned from her financial career and began exploring yoga and meditation and methods of wellbeing with the ultimate aim of turning a traumatic episode into wisdom and conditions for thriving. 

She qualified as a British Wheel of Yoga teacher in 2003 and, over the last 19 years, has run numerous yoga workshops and retreats. Her interest in Buddhism as a science of the mind strengthened after meeting a Buddhist Lama (teacher) on her first visit to Bhutan in 2011. This crucial chance meeting led to her studying Buddhism with this Lama and, eventually, led to her becoming the first and only Western woman to be ordained in the Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan as a Buddhist nun.


Key Takeaways

True Compassion Requires Action Beyond Comfort

Emma shows how real compassion isn’t passive — it asks us to stretch, act, and often suffer discomfort to truly benefit others.

Resilience and Joy Can Exist Amid Hardship

From Bhutanese communities to a child training for the Paralympics, Emma shares how positivity and resilience can transform suffering into strength.

Skillful Means Matter as Much as Good Intentions

In helping others, empathy and timing are crucial. Emma explains how “checking the cup” — seeing if someone’s mind is open — ensures that compassion lands without harm.


Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Emma Slade: We can’t expect ourselves to act as if we’re enlightened beings when we are not yet. Like we drive a Ferrari when we are only capable of riding a bike.

[00:00:09] Emma Slade: It’s just a bonkers expectation.

[00:00:11] Cheryl: If you think you’re not suffering, think again.

[00:00:14] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves Podcast. My name is Cheryl, and today I’m joined by Emma Slade also known as Ani Pema Deki.

[00:00:22] Cheryl: Emma Slade is a Buddhist nun, author and founder of Opening Your Heart to Bhutan, a charity supporting hundreds of children with special needs. She’s now preparing to walk the

[00:00:32] Cheryl: Wild Bhutan Trail, 37 days solo across mountains and valleys to raise funds for these children who inspire her resilience.

[00:00:41] Cheryl: Let’s begin.

[00:00:47] Cheryl: Can you share with us more about your work with the special needs children there?

[00:00:50] Emma Slade: So I set up my UK registered charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan 10 years ago. And that was very linked to my practice and my integrity as a Buddhist monastic, because I’d mainly studied the teachings and selflessness of compassion.

[00:01:05] Emma Slade: And then certain circumstances arose in Bhutan and really propelled me to help children with special needs in Bhutan or in very difficult circumstances. And it did feel like, okay, you studied all this compassion and you developed.

[00:01:20] Emma Slade: So it felt definitely directly related to my practice. So we’ve helped hundreds of children now in Bhutan. We’ve played a big part in building the first purpose-built special needs school. I was doing this walk across Bhutan for 37 days, to hopefully raise a big amount of money to secure the future of the school and the children in it. It’s 37 days, 12 mountain passes, 6 climate zones, and 403 kilometers.

[00:01:48] Emma Slade: And then after that I’m not, I’m not walking anywhere after that.

[00:01:51] Cheryl: What were some stories making you have such affinity with special needs children?

[00:01:59] Emma Slade: As you know, I was held hostage in that hotel room in Jakarta. And when I was held hostage, I felt so physically trapped and so unable to have any autonomy about my body.

[00:02:11] Emma Slade: And so I think when I encountered a girl in Southern Bhutan 11 years ago or whatever it was, the feeling of the lack of autonomy had a big impact on me.

[00:02:23] Emma Slade: I could empathize, it’s just very humbling to be around children like that. I’ve been very lucky with my opportunities, my skills that seem to be… have come quite easily to me in this life, right?

[00:02:36] Emma Slade: And so when things come easily to us, we tend to not see them very clearly. We don’t think, oh wow, I’ve managed to walk or cross the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Some of these children that I spend time with, to walk across the kitchen to make a coffee is a big achievement and requires huge patience, requires huge determination. I just have so much admiration for their achievements. They don’t give up. I think I would just go, oh, this is just too hard. I would give up. So there’s something about that that I find very moving and it makes me want to support them. Want to help them achieve things, help them have a meaningful life.

[00:03:16] Cheryl: Would you like to share also one of the achievements that really touches your heart till today?

[00:03:21] Emma Slade: We had a boy in the Eastern school who had a physical condition, which meant he walked on his knees. Just think about that for a moment.

[00:03:29] Emma Slade: We looked into, could we give him some operation? It’s very complicated because a lot of the medical solutions, they would cause other problems. Anyway, he was the most positive charge you’re ever gonna meet. He played cricket on his knees, he was like batting, he would play football on his knees. And somebody came to visit the school, and they were just completely inspired by him. And so they did lots of little videos about him, and the Paralympics people picked it up in Bhutan.

[00:03:58] Emma Slade: And he is now training for the Paralympics to represent Bhutan. His spirit was absolutely incredible. I think most people would just give up on life and be completely depressed, and he was the most enthusiastic, positive, positive child. And now this great opportunity has come his way.

[00:04:17] Cheryl: It makes me so happy to hear that.

[00:04:19] Emma Slade: It just shows you the power of your mindset. His mental suffering, his attitude to his physical suffering could have been just so negative, but due to his response to his physical situation, it was incredible. It’s a big Buddhist teaching right there.

[00:04:36] Cheryl: Absolutely. Yeah. And I recall in our past conversation, we were talking about what do you think make Bhutanese people happy? And you mentioned it was their resilience.

[00:04:47] Emma Slade: Yeah. They are very resilient, very resilient people. They stick together and they support each other when things get tough. And I think that’s part of their resilience as individuals, but also as communities, when things get tough, they really pull together. I think that’s very interesting.

[00:05:05] Cheryl: In the 11 years where you’re working on this school, was there a moment where you felt like actually wanting to give up?

[00:05:14] Emma Slade: Oh, yeah. Many moments. Many moments because we talk about Bodhisattva vows and helping others and what you’re doing when you deliberately try to help others is you’re moving out of a comfort zone. It’s very comfortable just to think about yourself or a couple of people, right? When you deliberately decide to expand that and help others, it’s not going to be easy, and it requires a determination to keep going. It’s much easier just to shrink back and just think about yourself. So yeah, there were many moments because it’s exhausting. Especially fundraising, and it’s very awkward as a person, somebody in monastics, you feel like you’re going, oh, please. Can you give a charity some money? That’s kind of awkward in robes, right? So there’ve been many moments, but I’m really pleased I’ve continued and I can’t really believe what we’ve achieved now, and I’m so grateful that so many people have been inspired by what I’ve done, and they have wanted to support me because if they hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have been able to do all of this.

[00:06:08] Emma Slade: It’s been a big job, but when you help others, when you expand that space of your mind, you can rest easy. A lot of mental peacefulness doesn’t just come from meditating or something.

[00:06:20] Emma Slade: It has a great benefit to the mind from broadening it with compassion.

[00:06:25] Cheryl: I have two questions. When it gets really hard, what is one thing that motivates you to keep going in terms of the charity? And secondly, what motivates you to keep holding onto the Bodhisattva vow?

[00:06:37] Emma Slade: Generally, walking a Buddhist path with all its practices and obstacles and integrity, you know, it is not easy. The other day I was going up a mountain in Bhutan to find my teacher who was quite high up in a mountain in Bhutan and it was so hot and the mountain was so steep and I was trying to get there on time and my legs were really feeling it.

[00:07:02] Emma Slade: And then you just have to remember all the tales of the Tibetan masters, like Milarepa had to do so many things to find their teacher, had to travel so far to gain teachings, etc. So I think generally in the Himalayan Buddhism, which I know the most about. You’ll see that lots of true practitioners actually had to struggle and work with a lot of determination to follow their path.

[00:07:27] Emma Slade: And your second question was not to give up on the Bodhisattva vow. So when we look at the Bodhisattva vow, we have the aspiration to help all beings and achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. Now, there’s nothing to stop your mind wishing that all the time, there’s no obstacle to it other than your own mental poisons, self clinging, distraction, worldly activity, etc.

[00:07:51] Emma Slade: The aspiration. You can never lose as long as you pay a bit of attention to it. Putting that into action is the tricky bit, but as long, even if you are in a stage where it’s hard to apply it, you just draw back and recall that aspiration. So the mind is never losing that connection with the wish to become a Bodhisattva.

[00:08:12] Emma Slade: We take our refuge and Bodhicitta vow every day. And so I think repeating those words, hearing your own voice, say those words out loud, echoing back into your consciousness, that’s important if you want to keep going at it.

[00:00:00] Emma Slade: We can’t expect ourselves to act as if we’re enlightened beings when we are not yet. Like we drive a Ferrari when we are only capable of riding a bike. It’s just a bonkers expectation.

[00:00:11] Cheryl: If you think you’re not suffering, think again.

[00:00:14] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves Podcast. My name is Cheryl, and today I’m joined by Emma Slade also known as Ani Pema Deki.

[00:00:22] Cheryl: Emma Slade is a Buddhist nun, author and founder of Opening Your Heart to Bhutan, a charity supporting hundreds of children with special needs. She’s now preparing to walk the Wild Bhutan Trail, 37 days solo across mountains and valleys to raise funds for these children who inspire her resilience.

[00:00:41] Cheryl: Let’s begin.

[00:00:47] Cheryl: Can you share with us more about your work with the special needs children there?

[00:00:50] Emma Slade: So I set up my UK registered charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan 10 years ago. And that was very linked to my practice and my integrity as a Buddhist monastic, because I’d mainly studied the teachings and selflessness of compassion.

[00:01:05] Emma Slade: And then certain circumstances arose in Bhutan and really propelled me to help children with special needs in Bhutan or in very difficult circumstances. And it did feel like, okay, you studied all this compassion and you developed. So it felt definitely directly related to my practice.

[00:01:24] Emma Slade: So we’ve helped hundreds of children now in Bhutan. We’ve played a big part in building the first purpose-built special needs school. I was doing this walk across Bhutan for 37 days, to hopefully raise a big amount of money to secure the future of the school and the children in it. It’s 37 days, 12 mountain passes, 6 climate zones, and 403 kilometers. And then after that i’m not, I’m not walking anywhere after that.

[00:01:51] Cheryl: What were some stories making you have such affinity with special needs children?

[00:01:59] Emma Slade: As you know, I was held hostage in that hotel room in Jakarta. And when I was held hostage, I felt so physically trapped and so unable to have any autonomy about my body. And so I think when I encountered a girl in Southern Bhutan 11 years ago or whatever it was, the feeling of the lack of autonomy had a big impact on me.

[00:02:23] Emma Slade: I could empathize, it’s just very humbling to be around children like that. I’ve been very lucky with my opportunities, my skills that seem to be… have come quite easily to me in this life, right?

[00:02:36] Emma Slade: And so when things come easily to us, we tend to not see them very clearly. We don’t think, oh wow, I’ve managed to walk or cross the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Some of these children that I spend time with, to walk across the kitchen to make a coffee is a big achievement and requires huge patience, requires huge determination. I just have so much admiration for their achievements. They don’t give up. I think I would just go, oh, this is just too hard. I would give up. So there’s something about that that I find very moving and it makes me want to support them. Want to help them achieve things, help them have a meaningful life.

[00:03:16] Cheryl: Would you like to share also one of the achievements that really touches your heart till today?

[00:03:21] Emma Slade: We had a boy in the Eastern school who had a physical condition, which meant he walked on his knees. Just think about that for a moment.

[00:03:29] Emma Slade: We looked into, could we give him some operation? It’s very complicated because a lot of the medical solutions, they would cause other problems. Anyway, he was the most positive charge you’re ever gonna meet. He played cricket on his knees, he was like batting, he would play football on his knees. And somebody came to visit the school, and they were just completely inspired by him. And so they did lots of little videos about him, and the Paralympics people picked it up in Bhutan.

[00:03:58] Emma Slade: And he is now training for the Paralympics to represent Bhutan. His spirit was absolutely incredible. I think most people would just give up on life and be completely depressed, and he was the most enthusiastic, positive, positive child. And now this great opportunity has come his way.

[00:04:17] Cheryl: It makes me so happy to hear that.

[00:04:19] Emma Slade: It just shows you the power of your mindset. His mental suffering, his attitude to his physical suffering could have been just so negative, but due to his response to his physical situation, it was incredible. It’s a big Buddhist teaching right there.

[00:04:36] Cheryl: Absolutely. Yeah. And I recall in our past conversation, we were talking about what do you think make Bhutanese people happy? And you mentioned it was their resilience.

[00:04:47] Emma Slade: Yeah. They are very resilient, very resilient people. They stick together and they support each other when things get tough. And I think that’s part of their resilience as individuals, but also as communities, when things get tough, they really pull together. I think that’s very interesting.

[00:05:05] Cheryl: In the 11 years where you’re working on this school, was there a moment where you felt like actually wanting to give up?

[00:05:14] Emma Slade: Oh, yeah. Many moments. Many moments because we talk about Bodhisattva vows and helping others and what you’re doing when you deliberately try to help others is you’re moving out of a comfort zone. It’s very comfortable just to think about yourself or a couple of people, right? When you deliberately decide to expand that and help others, it’s not going to be easy, and it requires a determination to keep going. It’s much easier just to shrink back and just think about yourself. So yeah, there were many moments because it’s exhausting.

[00:05:42] Emma Slade: Especially fundraising, and it’s very awkward as a person, somebody in monastics, you feel like you’re going, oh, please. Can you give a charity some money? That’s kind of awkward in robes, right? So there’ve been many moments, but I’m really pleased I’ve continued and I can’t really believe what we’ve achieved now, and I’m so grateful that so many people have been inspired by what I’ve done, and they have wanted to support me because if they hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have been able to do all of this.

[00:06:08] Emma Slade: It’s been a big job, but when you help others, when you expand that space of your mind, you can rest easy. A lot of mental peacefulness doesn’t just come from meditating or something. It has a great benefit to the mind from broadening it with compassion.

[00:06:25] Cheryl: I have two questions. When it gets really hard, what is one thing that motivates you to keep going in terms of the charity?

[00:06:32] Cheryl: And secondly, what motivates you to keep holding onto the Bodhisattva vow?

[00:06:37] Emma Slade: Generally, walking a Buddhist path with all its practices and obstacles and integrity, you know, it is not easy. The other day I was going up a mountain in Bhutan to find my teacher who was quite high up in a mountain in Bhutan and it was so hot and the mountain was so steep and I was trying to get there on time and my legs were really feeling it. And then you just have to remember all the tales of the Tibetan masters, like Milarepa had to do so many things to find their teacher, had to travel so far to gain teachings, etc.

[00:07:14] Emma Slade: So I think generally in the Himalayan Buddhism, which I know the most about. You’ll see that lots of true practitioners actually had to struggle and work with a lot of determination to follow their path.

[00:07:27] Emma Slade: And your second question was not to give up on the Bodhisattva vow. So when we look at the Bodhisattva vow, we have the aspiration to help all beings and achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. Now, there’s nothing to stop your mind wishing that all the time, there’s no obstacle to it other than your own mental poisons, self clinging, distraction, worldly activity, etc.

[00:07:51] Emma Slade: The aspiration. You can never lose as long as you pay a bit of attention to it. Putting that into action is the tricky bit, but as long, even if you are in a stage where it’s hard to apply it, you just draw back and recall that aspiration. So the mind is never losing that connection with the wish to become a Bodhisattva.

[00:08:12] Emma Slade: We take our refuge and Bodhicitta vow every day. And so I think repeating those words, hearing your own voice, say those words out loud, echoing back into your consciousness, that’s important if you want to keep going at it.

[00:08:30] Cheryl: Thank you so much for sharing. And it, I think it’s really true that the challenge is really in turning it into action. And for me personally, sometimes I feel, oh, it’s so hard to help people. They don’t wanna be helped.

[00:08:47] Cheryl: And a lot of determination comes in to continue.

[00:08:50] Emma Slade: What would be a situation where you found that?

[00:08:55] Cheryl: So for example, with helping a sibling, where they’re very stuck in unwholesome actions that are unbeneficial for them and having to choose kindness over temper. And having to do that again and again so that I can plant the seeds of wholesomeness.

[00:09:11] Emma Slade: I would say that one has to be skillful with seeing the situation clearly. So if there’s a sibling or whatever who actually really doesn’t want to be dragged towards virtuous activity, and it might even create more resentment between the two people, then one has to be skillful and realize, okay, this is not the right moment, or this is not the right way of saying it.

[00:09:34] Emma Slade: You can always have the prayers, the aspirations for them. But I think it’s usually best to treat another adult as an adult. And if you kind of take the role of telling them what to do and this is best and they’re doing it wrong, people’s threat mechanism in the back part of their brain will be alerted and you’ll become an enemy to them.

[00:09:53] Emma Slade: They’ll get defensive and then they won’t hear. They just literally will go like, like this. Right. So you know, when we talk about skillful means as well as wisdom, when it comes to sharing the Dharma, wishing to help others, we have to be skillful in how we do that.

[00:10:10] Cheryl: Can you share more about what it means to be skillful?

[00:10:12] Emma Slade: So you have to listen well. Use your empathy. Are you pushing something on somebody that they don’t want to hear it? And it might create conflict and disharmony between you.

[00:10:23] Emma Slade: In Buddhist text, we’ll see this example of seeing whether the mind is like an open cup. Open to receiving teachings, whether it’s a cup with a hole at the bottom, so the teachings just go right through. Or whether it’s a cup that’s closed, so nothing’s gonna go in. So I think it’s useful to, when we think about skillfully communicating with others around the Dharma just to see, okay, what kind of cup am I looking at here?

[00:10:49] Cheryl: Oh, that’s a powerful analogy. Always checking to see what’s the status of the cup right now.

[00:10:54] Emma Slade: And they’re not blaming the person for whatever reason the cup is still like this right now. And then also it’s a waste of your energy and time. Also for yourself, are you the kind of student that attends lots of teachings, but then two weeks later you can’t remember anything? It just went through you. So it’s also useful for your own reflections.

[00:11:12] Cheryl: Yeah. Yeah, A lot of times, it all starts from a good place, but when it’s mixed with not the skillful way of executing or doing it, then sometimes the results are, are not good as well.

[00:11:26] Emma Slade: There’s two ways of looking at that from a karmic point of view. If the intention is really clean and pure, then that’s the most important thing, right? We can have a very good intention. And then that intention, comes into the interconnected web of suffering, which is samsara, and it kind of goes a bit wrong. But Buddhism really emphasizes to keep with those clean intentions, keep coming back to them.

[00:11:50] Emma Slade: Until we are enlightened, it may be a bit messy in the application. We have to recognize where we are right now and be understanding of that. And so it’s always worth thinking, “Compared to a year ago, am I dealing with this person more skillfully than a year back?”

[00:12:07] Emma Slade: “I may not be dealing with them perfectly, but is, is it going in the right direction?”

[00:12:12] Emma Slade: We can’t expect ourselves to act as if we’re enlightened beings when we are not yet. Like we drive a Ferrari when we are only capable of riding a bike. It’s just a bonkers expectation, tempting as it is. So we have to see clearly the situation, but also our own situation, our mind now.

[00:12:32] Cheryl: I love that analogy.

[00:12:35] Emma Slade: Reality is such an important place. Our own perception of whether we are suffering or not is quite important, because good qualities — loving kindness, compassion, empathy — will need to arise from how deeply our understanding of suffering is.

[00:12:54] Emma Slade: Whether from knowing it in our own life or observing it in others, and often we will have quite a narrow definition of suffering actually. So some forms of suffering are very obvious and they’re mostly to do with the physical form, right? But when we look at suffering from a Buddhist point of view, it’s much more likely to be a mental state of suffering. Once we are open to a broader definition of suffering, then our relationship with compassion to ourselves and others will definitely deepen and become more profound.

[00:13:27] Emma Slade: The Buddha sometimes he’s called the first psychologist, isn’t he? Because he really looked at suffering as a mental state, arising from our response to things or rising from our understanding of reality.

[00:13:40] Emma Slade: That means that with greater understanding, and study and the courage to really look at that process of what goes on in our mental responses that leads to suffering. That means we can also change it. It’s very important to be able to recognize one’s own state of suffering. It’s not failure, the Buddha said that, we really have to understand the truth of suffering.

[00:14:02] Cheryl: I would love to go back to walking the wild Bhutan trail. How are you preparing?

[00:14:07] Emma Slade: Oh my goodness. Don’t even ask me that. I’m doing a lot of retreat and so mentally I feel I’m very strong. But physically, I’m nearly 59, right? I may be mad. I just have a strong belief that I can do it and I I must do it for the children.

[00:14:23] Cheryl: And, and is there one key message that you would like people who are following your trail to take away?

[00:14:31] Emma Slade: If you are going to help others, you have to stretch yourself outside your comfort zone.

[00:14:36] Cheryl: That’s beautiful. And how, how can we follow with you?

[00:14:40] Emma Slade: You’ll be able to follow me on Facebook and Instagram under Emma Slade. You can look at the charity website openingyourhearttobhutan.com that has the campaign for the walk and, if people can donate the price of a meal or an outfit or a holiday, they can donate. If they want to come and join me, and do some fundraising for it, then they should get in touch.

[00:15:00] Cheryl: And what would success look like for you?

[00:15:02] Emma Slade: Getting to East Bhutan will be the first thing. Getting there alive, not being eaten by a bear and kinda like not falling down anywhere. I’d like to raise a minimum a 100,000 pounds because it will secure the future of the school for over two years. Fundraising is never easy. And right now I know things are quite turbulent in the world, and usually when things are turbulent and uncertain, people become fearful.

[00:15:32] Emma Slade: And when people are fearful, we know from neuroscience, let alone Buddhist studies, that they retract, right? They shrink into themselves. So it takes particular Bodhisattva motivation to keep that wide compassion at times like this, I think.

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Emma Slade: We can’t expect ourselves to act as if we’re enlightened beings when we are not yet. Like we drive a Ferrari when we are only capable of riding a bike. It’s just a bonkers expectation.

[00:00:11] Cheryl: If you think you’re not suffering, think again.

[00:00:14] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves Podcast. My name is Cheryl, and today I’m joined by Emma Slade also known as Ani Pema Deki.

[00:00:22] Cheryl: Emma Slade is a Buddhist nun, author and founder of Opening Your Heart to Bhutan, a charity supporting hundreds of children with special needs. She’s now preparing to walk the Wild Bhutan Trail, 37 days solo across mountains and valleys to raise funds for these children who inspire her resilience.

[00:00:41] Cheryl: Let’s begin.

[00:00:47] Cheryl: Can you share with us more about your work with the special needs children there?

[00:00:50] Emma Slade: So I set up my UK registered charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan 10 years ago. And that was very linked to my practice and my integrity as a Buddhist monastic, because I’d mainly studied the teachings and selflessness of compassion.

[00:01:05] Emma Slade: And then certain circumstances arose in Bhutan and really propelled me to help children with special needs in Bhutan or in very difficult circumstances. And it did feel like, okay, you studied all this compassion and you developed. So it felt definitely directly related to my practice.

[00:01:24] Emma Slade: So we’ve helped hundreds of children now in Bhutan. We’ve played a big part in building the first purpose-built special needs school. I was doing this walk across Bhutan for 37 days, to hopefully raise a big amount of money to secure the future of the school and the children in it. It’s 37 days, 12 mountain passes, 6 climate zones, and 403 kilometers. And then after that I’m not, I’m not walking anywhere after that.

[00:01:51] Cheryl: What were some stories making you have such affinity with special needs children?

[00:01:59] Emma Slade: As you know, I was held hostage in that hotel room in Jakarta. And when I was held hostage, I felt so physically trapped and so unable to have any autonomy about my body. And so I think when I encountered a girl in Southern Bhutan 11 years ago or whatever it was, the feeling of the lack of autonomy had a big impact on me.

[00:02:23] Emma Slade: I could empathize, it’s just very humbling to be around children like that. I’ve been very lucky with my opportunities, my skills that seem to be… have come quite easily to me in this life, right? And so when things come easily to us, we tend to not see them very clearly. We don’t think, oh wow, I’ve managed to walk or cross the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

[00:02:46] Emma Slade: Some of these children that I spend time with, to walk across the kitchen to make a coffee is a big achievement and requires huge patience, requires huge determination. I just have so much admiration for their achievements. They don’t give up. I think I would just go, oh, this is just too hard. I would give up. So there’s something about that that I find very moving and it makes me want to support them. Want to help them achieve things, help them have a meaningful life.

[00:03:16] Cheryl: Would you like to share also one of the achievements that really touches your heart till today?

[00:03:21] Emma Slade: We had a boy in the Eastern school who had a physical condition, which meant he walked on his knees. Just think about that for a moment. We looked into, could we give him some operation? It’s very complicated because a lot of the medical solutions, they would cause other problems.

[00:03:38] Emma Slade: Anyway, he was the most positive charge you’re ever gonna meet. He played cricket on his knees, he was like batting, he would play football on his knees. And somebody came to visit the school, and they were just completely inspired by him. And so they did lots of little videos about him, and the Paralympics people picked it up in Bhutan.

[00:03:58] Emma Slade: And he is now training for the Paralympics to represent Bhutan. His spirit was absolutely incredible. I think most people would just give up on life and be completely depressed, and he was the most enthusiastic, positive, positive child. And now this great opportunity has come his way.

[00:04:17] Cheryl: It makes me so happy to hear that.

[00:04:19] Emma Slade: It just shows you the power of your mindset. His mental suffering, his attitude to his physical suffering could have been just so negative, but due to his response to his physical situation, it was incredible. It’s a big Buddhist teaching right there.

[00:04:36] Cheryl: Absolutely. Yeah. And I recall in our past conversation, we were talking about what do you think make Bhutanese people happy? And you mentioned it was their resilience.

[00:04:47] Emma Slade: Yeah. They are very resilient, very resilient people. They stick together and they support each other when things get tough. And I think that’s part of their resilience as individuals, but also as communities, when things get tough, they really pull together. I think that’s very interesting.

[00:05:05] Cheryl: In the 11 years where you’re working on this school, was there a moment where you felt like actually wanting to give up?

[00:05:14] Emma Slade: Oh, yeah. Many moments. Many moments because we talk about Bodhisattva vows and helping others and what you’re doing when you deliberately try to help others is you’re moving out of a comfort zone. It’s very comfortable just to think about yourself or a couple of people, right? When you deliberately decide to expand that and help others, it’s not going to be easy, and it requires a determination to keep going. It’s much easier just to shrink back and just think about yourself. So yeah, there were many moments because it’s exhausting.

[00:05:42] Emma Slade: Especially fundraising, and it’s very awkward as a person, somebody in monastics, you feel like you’re going, oh, please. Can you give a charity some money? That’s kind of awkward in robes, right? So there’ve been many moments, but I’m really pleased I’ve continued and I can’t really believe what we’ve achieved now, and I’m so grateful that so many people have been inspired by what I’ve done, and they have wanted to support me because if they hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have been able to do all of this.

[00:06:08] Emma Slade: It’s been a big job, but when you help others, when you expand that space of your mind, you can rest easy. A lot of mental peacefulness doesn’t just come from meditating or something. It has a great benefit to the mind from broadening it with compassion.

[00:06:25] Cheryl: I have two questions. When it gets really hard, what is one thing that motivates you to keep going in terms of the charity? And secondly, what motivates you to keep holding onto the Bodhisattva vow?

[00:06:37] Emma Slade: Generally, walking a Buddhist path with all its practices and obstacles and integrity, you know, it is not easy. The other day I was going up a mountain in Bhutan to find my teacher who was quite high up in a mountain in Bhutan and it was so hot and the mountain was so steep and I was trying to get there on time and my legs were really feeling it.

[00:07:02] Emma Slade: And then you just have to remember all the tales of the Tibetan masters, like Milarepa had to do so many things to find their teacher, had to travel so far to gain teachings, etc. So I think generally in the Himalayan Buddhism, which I know the most about. You’ll see that lots of true practitioners actually had to struggle and work with a lot of determination to follow their path.

[00:07:27] Emma Slade: And your second question was not to give up on the Bodhisattva vow. So when we look at the Bodhisattva vow, we have the aspiration to help all beings and achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. Now, there’s nothing to stop your mind wishing that all the time, there’s no obstacle to it other than your own mental poisons, self clinging, distraction, worldly activity, etc.

[00:07:51] Emma Slade: The aspiration. You can never lose as long as you pay a bit of attention to it. Putting that into action is the tricky bit, but as long, even if you are in a stage where it’s hard to apply it, you just draw back and recall that aspiration. So the mind is never losing that connection with the wish to become a Bodhisattva.

[00:08:12] Emma Slade: We take our refuge and Bodhicitta vow every day. And so I think repeating those words, hearing your own voice, say those words out loud, echoing back into your consciousness, that’s important if you want to keep going at it.

[00:08:30] Cheryl: Thank you so much for sharing. And it, I think it’s really true that the challenge is really in turning it into action. And for me personally, sometimes I feel, oh, it’s so hard to help people. They don’t wanna be helped. And a lot of determination comes in to continue.

[00:08:50] Emma Slade: What would be a situation where you found that?

[00:08:55] Cheryl: So for example, with helping a sibling, where they’re very stuck in unwholesome actions that are unbeneficial for them and having to choose kindness over temper. And having to do that again and again so that I can plant the seeds of wholesomeness.

[00:09:11] Emma Slade: I would say that one has to be skillful with seeing the situation clearly. So if there’s a sibling or whatever who actually really doesn’t want to be dragged towards virtuous activity, and it might even create more resentment between the two people, then one has to be skillful and realize, okay, this is not the right moment, or this is not the right way of saying it.

[00:09:34] Emma Slade: You can always have the prayers, the aspirations for them. But I think it’s usually best to treat another adult as an adult. And if you kind of take the role of telling them what to do and this is best and they’re doing it wrong, people’s threat mechanism in the back part of their brain will be alerted and you’ll become an enemy to them.

[00:09:53] Emma Slade: They’ll get defensive and then they won’t hear. They just literally will go like, like this. Right. So you know, when we talk about skillful means as well as wisdom, when it comes to sharing the Dharma, wishing to help others, we have to be skillful in how we do that.

[00:10:10] Cheryl: Can you share more about what it means to be skillful?

[00:10:12] Emma Slade: So you have to listen well. Use your empathy. Are you pushing something on somebody that they don’t want to hear it? And it might create conflict and disharmony between you.

[00:10:23] Emma Slade: In Buddhist text, we’ll see this example of seeing whether the mind is like an open cup. Open to receiving teachings, whether it’s a cup with a hole at the bottom, so the teachings just go right through. Or whether it’s a cup that’s closed, so nothing’s gonna go in. So I think it’s useful to, when we think about skillfully communicating with others around the Dharma just to see, okay, what kind of cup am I looking at here?

[00:10:49] Cheryl: Oh, that’s a powerful analogy. Always checking to see what’s the status of the cup right now.

[00:10:54] Emma Slade: And they’re not blaming the person for whatever reason the cup is still like this right now. And then also it’s a waste of your energy and time. Also for yourself, are you the kind of student that attends lots of teachings, but then two weeks later you can’t remember anything? It just went through you. So it’s also useful for your own reflections.

[00:11:12] Cheryl: Yeah. Yeah, A lot of times, it all starts from a good place, but when it’s mixed with not the skillful way of executing or doing it, then sometimes the results are, are not good as well.

[00:11:26] Emma Slade: There’s two ways of looking at that from a karmic point of view. If the intention is really clean and pure, then that’s the most important thing, right? We can have a very good intention. And then that intention, comes into the interconnected web of suffering, which is samsara, and it kind of goes a bit wrong. But Buddhism really emphasizes to keep with those clean intentions, keep coming back to them.

[00:11:50] Emma Slade: Until we are enlightened, it may be a bit messy in the application. We have to recognize where we are right now and be understanding of that. And so it’s always worth thinking, “compared to a year ago, am I dealing with this person more skillfully than a year back?”

[00:12:07] Emma Slade: “I may not be dealing with them perfectly, but is, is it going in the right direction?”

[00:12:12] Emma Slade: We can’t expect ourselves to act as if we’re enlightened beings when we are not yet. Like we drive a Ferrari when we are only capable of riding a bike. It’s just a bonkers expectation, tempting as it is. So we have to see clearly the situation, but also our own situation, our mind now.

[00:12:32] Cheryl: I love that analogy.

[00:12:35] Emma Slade: Reality is such an important place. Our own perception of whether we are suffering or not is quite important, because good qualities — loving kindness, compassion, empathy — will need to arise from how deeply our understanding of suffering is.

[00:12:54] Emma Slade: Whether from knowing it in our own life or observing it in others, and often we will have quite a narrow definition of suffering actually. So some forms of suffering are very obvious and they’re mostly to do with the physical form, right? But when we look at suffering from a Buddhist point of view, it’s much more likely to be a mental state of suffering. Once we are open to a broader definition of suffering, then our relationship with compassion to ourselves and others will definitely deepen and become more profound.

[00:13:27] Emma Slade: The Buddha sometimes he’s called the first psychologist, isn’t he? Because he really looked at suffering as a mental state, arising from our response to things or rising from our understanding of reality.

[00:13:40] Emma Slade: That means that with greater understanding, and study and the courage to really look at that process of what goes on in our mental responses that leads to suffering. That means we can also change it. It’s very important to be able to recognize one’s own state of suffering. It’s not failure, the Buddha said that, we really have to understand the truth of suffering.

[00:14:02] Cheryl: I would love to go back to walking the wild Bhutan trail. How are you preparing?

[00:14:07] Emma Slade: Oh my goodness. Don’t even ask me that. I’m doing a lot of retreat and so mentally I feel I’m very strong. But physically, I’m nearly 59, right? I may be mad. I just have a strong belief that I can do it and I must do it for the children.

[00:14:23] Cheryl: And, and is there one key message that you would like people who are following your trail to take away?

[00:14:31] Emma Slade: If you are going to help others, you have to stretch yourself outside your comfort zone.

[00:14:36] Cheryl: That’s beautiful. And how, how can we follow with you?

[00:14:40] Emma Slade: You’ll be able to follow me on Facebook and Instagram under Emma Slade. You can look at the charity website openingyourhearttobhutan.com that has the campaign for the walk and, if people can donate the price of a meal or an outfit or a holiday, they can donate. If they want to come and join me, and do some fundraising for it, then they should get in touch.

[00:15:00] Cheryl: And what would success look like for you?

[00:15:02] Emma Slade: Getting to East Bhutan will be the first thing. Getting there alive, not being eaten by a bear and kinda like not falling down anywhere. I’d like to raise a minimum of £100,000 because it will secure the future of the school for over two years. Fundraising is never easy. And right now I know things are quite turbulent in the world, and usually when things are turbulent and uncertain, people become fearful.

[00:15:32] Emma Slade: And when people are fearful, we know from neuroscience, let alone Buddhist studies, that they retract, right? They shrink into themselves. So it takes particular Bodhisattva motivation to keep that wide compassion at times like this, I think.


Resources:

Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade)’s website – https://www.emmaslade.com/

Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade)’s charity fundraiser – https://www.openingyourhearttobhutan.com/

Facebook/Instagram: @openingyourhearttobhutan_

More about her journey being held at gunpoint: My Path To Becoming A Buddhist | Emma Slade | TEDxSevenoaksSchool


Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/


Editors and Transcribers of this episode:

Hong Jiayi, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


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Why a 31-Years-Old Singaporean Techie Chose the Monk Life ft. Phra Ryan

Why a 31-Years-Old Singaporean Techie Chose the Monk Life ft. Phra Ryan

https://youtu.be/cSxXcXuxg6c


Summary

In this intimate and reflective conversation, Phra Ryan shares his transformative journey from the bustling tech world of Singapore to the serene life of a novice Buddhist monk in Thailand. He recounts his early exposure to Buddhism, his time at Wat Pah Nanachat, and his eventual ordination at Wat Marp Jan under Luang Por Anan. Through moments of honesty and vulnerability, Phra Ryan explores what drew him toward monastic life — the search for peace, meaning, and freedom from material attachment. He opens up about family challenges, self-doubt, and the profound teachings that anchor his path, offering listeners a deeply human perspective on spirituality, purpose, and inner peace.


About the Speaker

Halfway through university, Ryan embarked on a spiritual journey into the deeper meaning of life, and found himself drawn towards Buddhism during a silent retreat in the Australian bush, which marked the beginning of an eight-year long journey into monk-hood. This is his story.


Key Takeaways

The Journey From Material Success to Spiritual Fulfillment

Phra Ryan’s story illustrates the inner dissatisfaction that can exist even amid external comfort. Despite a stable career in IT and the privileges of modern life, he felt a void that wealth and achievement couldn’t fill. His turn toward ordination represents a universal search for meaning beyond material success — a reminder that peace often lies in letting go rather than gaining more.

Letting Go of Attachment Is the Core of Peace

Through his teacher Luang Por’s insights, Phra Ryan explains that our ordinary, unmindful state is already a form of “craziness” — clinging to the body, feelings, and thoughts that create suffering. True practice is about freeing the mind from these attachments. This realization bridges ancient Buddhist wisdom with modern psychological insight, offering a pathway for anyone — monk or layperson — to find greater calm and clarity.

Faith, Discipline, and Humility on the Path

Even after ordaining, Phra Ryan admits to feelings of “imposter syndrome” — acknowledging the gap between the monk’s robe he wears and the inner transformation he’s still cultivating. His humility and devotion to continuous practice reveal that the spiritual journey isn’t about perfection, but about sincere effort and faith in the process.

Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Normally, when we are not mindful in our daily life, we are already quite crazy. Truth be told, a lot of monks do disrobe, but we’ll see how it goes. Actually feeling a bit nervous wearing these robes because at this moment, I’m not yet a monk. Although I look like a monk, but actually I’m still a novice monk, or we call it Samanera. So I haven’t actually been here that long. I’ve only been here since Monday. And today’s Sunday, so that makes a week.

[00:00:44] I actually feel quite relieved in a way. Because the whole week has been anticipating this moment. In a way, I’ve been anticipating it for quite a few years already. I had this wish in my heart that I would ordain. And now that I finally ordained at least halfway, I am actually very relieved and quite comfortable in a way. I’m not so stressed because of my desire to ordain as I was in the past. Because when I was in Singapore, I couldn’t really pursue this path.

[00:01:17] But now that I am trying it out for real. I can really see that, this is something that I would want to do at least for the foreseeable future.

[00:01:30] Yeah. So my journey actually began eight years ago. I met Ajahn Dhammasiha, who is the abbot of Dhammagiri Forest Hermitage in Australia. He actually visited Singapore back in 2014. But somehow, halfway through uni, I met a Burmese man who then told me that he used to be a monk. I was quite intrigued by that fact.

[00:01:57] And I thought, “Oh, wow! Maybe I could try out doing some kind of a silent retreat.” Because at that time I wasn’t Buddhist, I wasn’t spiritual in any sense. But I thought that it would be nice to have this quiet time in the forest. It sounded quite idyllic at the time because Singapore is a city with so many buildings and concrete.

[00:02:17] So I wanted to get out of the city and into the forest. I went to Australia and I met Ajahn Dhammasiha. And I stayed there for 23 days. Within that 23 days, I read so many books. I learned about Luang Pu Chah. I somehow garner a lot of faith in the Buddha and I eventually took up the triple refuge. In fact, even within those 23 days, I already started to feel like, “oh, okay. I might consider ordination at some point in the future.”

[00:02:47] So this is me trying to pursue that path eight years later.

[00:02:59] I was previously an Anagarika (white robes) in Wat Pah Nanachat. This was in 2018, so six years ago. I managed to stay there for six months. Part of it I was Anagarika, or they call it “Pa Kao”, which meant that I wore something similar but in white. That was a trial period for me to see if ordination could be something that’s suitable. Because before that, I’ve never really been in a Buddhist setting very much, having just taken up Buddhism two years before that.

[00:03:32] During my time at Wat Pah Nanachat, the main thing I took away from that was that I wasn’t entirely incompatible with this path. After that, my parents actually came. My mom brought my grandparents to bring me home. I was okay with that because I did plan for only six months at the time.

[00:03:49] So I went back to Singapore and I worked for five years in the IT industry. And all throughout that time, I had this idea of going back to ordain at some point. Also, my mother and I had some residential issues, so that was the main thing I needed to address. I would say most of my preparation really involved that residential issue to the point that my mom has pretty much settled in just a month ago so that I can finally come to ordain based on my agreement with my mother.

[00:04:26] As a novice monk, I only take 10 precepts. So that makes my life relatively easier. During this period of being a novice monk, I’m supposed to train myself up and understand the ways of a monk so that eventually (I can) fully ordain as a monk. And take up the entire set of rules all together.

[00:04:49] Six years ago, pursuing the path of ordination, I really hoped that I could stay in the robes as long as I can. Ideally all my life. But who knows? Truth be told, a lot of monks do disrobe, but we’ll see how it goes.

[00:05:07] On one hand, I grew up in a very privileged setting in Singapore. I think quite a lot of people can probably relate. We are quite materially well off in Singapore. We don’t really have much lack in any way. So that’s the way that I grew up. And yet as I was growing up during my early twenties, I felt that I wasn’t a very satisfied person. I was in relationships. I also had quite a number of friends and we went to party and do all the things that young kids do. And yet I didn’t really feel like I was a very happy person. At the same time, those were the years that I was considering what would be my path in the future? What do I really want to be in the future?

[00:05:52] So I did this search. I went to read up books about famous people. I went to read Lee Kuan Yew’s book, “The Singapore Story”. I went to read the biography of Elon Musk, thinking that, these are such great people that are very much admired in society and people want to be like them.

[00:06:08] I asked myself, “Would I like to be like them in the future?”

[00:06:10] I actually did pursue that to a little bit. I actually joined the political association in university. I studied computer science thinking that I might do tech, and I did join the IT industry. However, along the way I found that the people that really inspired me most were the Buddha and the monks.

[00:06:32] I gained this aspiration that if I could just be a little bit more like them, then that would be good enough for me. Like if I could just be half of some of the great teachers that I have in my heart today, I would die a very satisfied person.

[00:06:53] So it depends which family and which friend. I think obviously the closest family members would be my parents. It took my mom a long time to come around to give me permission. I wouldn’t say that she’s entirely supportive of what I’m doing given that she has another faith in a different religion.

[00:07:16] However, to me, I felt that we had to come to some kind of middle ground. I mentioned earlier there was this residential issue that I’ve been spending the past few years settling. So the agreement was that I would help her with all of my ability to settle that residential issue. And kind of in return, she would actually give me permission to ordain. And that was for my mom.

[00:07:43] For my dad, he has always been quite liberal. He grew up in quite the same way, wanting to have a lot of freedom. So even when I left for Wat Pah Nanachat in 2018, he was actually okay with it. Even now, although again he’s not entirely supportive— he would probably prefer that I do something else— but he’s still willing to let me do what I want. Simply because that’s what he was given the freedom to do in his own youth. As for my friends, definitely the Buddhist friends, they’re very supportive and I’m very grateful for that.

[00:08:18] However, most of my other friends not in the Buddhist community, they probably have some difficulty understanding what I’m doing. I managed to explain a little bit to some of them, though I have no idea how much they would really sympathize with what I’m saying. But in some way, I do hope that what I’m doing would benefit them a little bit. In terms of, maybe inspiring them to think about values that may not be entirely materialistic in nature.

[00:08:54] During my first few days here, Luang Por actually mentioned that to one of the lay residents or retreatants who came from America. The question to Luang Por was, “What is the purpose of this practice?”

[00:09:11] The person asking the question also mentioned that, “How do I practice so that I don’t go crazy?”

[00:09:15] So Luang Por gave a very interesting answer. Luang Por actually mentioned that normally when we are not mindful in our daily life, we are already quite crazy. We are crazy because we so quickly attach to all these five aggregates, we call it. The body, the perception, to feeling, to mental formations, to consciousness. So that’s the natural state of how we live in a day-to-day life.

[00:09:43] We don’t see how it causes us to suffer normally. So the Buddhist path is really one of letting go of our attachments to these things. And that was what Luang Por said as well. That’s what really the goal of this practice is really to cultivate a mind that is free from attachment. So that we can learn to be more peaceful people and people who just suffer less in general.

[00:10:10] So I think for any average person who doesn’t know much about Buddhism, they don’t necessarily have to take up the ordination path, like me, as a whole. But even just the basic principles of cultivating some virtue, right? Cultivating some sense of collectedness in daily life and trying to incorporate some concepts of wisdom in their life.

[00:10:36] This would already make them more peaceful and more contented in their daily lives. That’s really to me why most people should consider taking up the Noble Eightfold Path.

[00:10:52] I think I’m feeling a mixture of emotions. So I mentioned earlier, I feel a sense of relief that I finally managed to take the next step in this path beyond what I’ve been doing for the past six years in Singapore. At the same time, I am actually feeling a bit nervous wearing these robes because one way that you can call the yellow robe of a monk is that it is the banner of the Arahant.

[00:11:22] The meaning of Arahant is a person who has overcome all of his defilements. That being the case, as for me, I’m not a person who has overcome all of my defilements. I feel like I have this sense of imposter syndrome. I think that’s something I might need to overcome in my own practice as well, to try and cultivate those values within myself. Because, right now I might look like a monk on the outside, but the whole idea during my time here is really to bring the monk within and to cultivate the values that monks should try and uphold, namely the Noble Eightfold Path that we’ve mentioned.

[00:12:09] I did mention that previously I was at Wat Pah Nanachat. After that, I went back to Singapore and that question opened up again of “If I would take up this path for a second time, where would I go?” Obviously Nanachat would have been the obvious choice in a way because I was already there. But at the same time, in the six years since, every Friday evening, I’ve been joining the Zoom sessions that Luang Por Anan has kindly hosted for the global community along the way.

[00:12:44] I really felt to be part of this family of Wat Marp Jan and because it’s still part of the Luang Pu Chah tradition. I didn’t see that it was deviating in any way. In fact, I felt it was quite compatible in a sense that I gained some preliminary training at Wat Pah Nanachat. And then here I am at Wat Marp Jan under Luang Por Anan, who I have come to develop a lot of faith in.

[00:13:10] I do see that he’s a very accomplished practitioner and I do hope to become a bit more like him in every way. So definitely I want to be as close as I can to Luang Por Anan. Therefore I chose Wat Marp Jan.

[00:13:32] Before I learned about Buddhism, I led quite the normal life. I was just going through school. I was in university. I would never have imagined being… taking up this path of ordination. I was very much looking forward to going out in the work life and I wanted to, you know, contribute to society in a working way.

[00:13:57] I had a friend who actually told me, “I don’t want to work. I just want to have my financial freedom and not work. And just have my own free time.”

[00:14:05] And I was wondering, “oh, why? But when you work, you get to contribute to society.”

[00:14:10] And so, truth be told, here I am. As a monk, I don’t necessarily work in the conventional sense in that I am contributing economically. However, I hope to contribute to society in a more spiritual way. In a way that I feel would eventually bring people more peace. So what I would actually say then to when I was still in school at the time to me is that,

[00:14:38] “Well, now that you’ve taken up this path, you’ve given up most of everything else you’ve tried to pursue in life. So I wish you the best and I hope that you find what you’re looking for.”

[00:14:55] Yeah, that past me wouldn’t have understood what I’m doing right now, probably.


Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/


Editors and Transcribers of this episode:

Eng Yean Khai, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


Get connected here:

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21 places to visit in Singapore and Malaysia this Kathina: an ancient ceremony for the modern times

21 places to visit in Singapore and Malaysia this Kathina: an ancient ceremony for the modern times

Credit: Mpls.St.Paul Magazine

I used to feel a little estranged Pali chanting. Through some study of the translations and memorisation, however, the liturgical language has grown on me over time. 

And while big crowds are not the usual draw for me, I’ve braved a ceremony or two to celebrate Vesak Day in recent years. 

Now what about the millenia-old Kathina (Robes offering) ceremony, one of the largest alms-giving occasions of the Buddhist year? 

Given my interest in the Thai Forest tradition, I thought to look up what my Theravadin friends have been up to over the years!

Siha the Wise

(Siha the Wise chilling on a cloudy day – moisturised and unbothered – it’s Kathina not Cat-hina by the way!)

Introducing the Kathina (Robe Offering) ceremony

The Kaṭhina (Robe Offering) ceremony takes place once a year after the completion of a three-month rainy-season residence or rains-retreat (Vassa) of Buddhist monastics.

Buddhist monastics; Kathina (Robe offering) cermony

Credit: 84000

During the Vassa period, usually nomadic Buddhist monastics would stay put in one place for at least three months, and this is typically when the practice of seclusion and meditation intensifies. 

The Kathina celebration marks the end of this Vassa period, and the time for them to move on. 

On this occasion, the laity offer Kathina cloth to their monastics upon their leaving. The offering can take place up to one month following the end of the Vassa period, and is typically celebrated by Buddhists of the Theravada traditions. But how did this even come about?

An ancient practice…

How the kathina ceremony came about is recorded in the Mahavagga, the third book of the Vinaya Pitaka (Vin III. 351ff). A group of thirty monks were journeying together with the intention of spending the Vassa period with the Lord Buddha who was staying at Savatthi in Jetavana. But the Vassa began before this group of monks reached their destination and so they had to stop.

After the Vassa, the monks continued on their journey through swamps and rainwater, finally arriving at where the Lord Buddha was staying. He came to see their robes were drenched and they were exhausted. Upon the exchange of friendly greetings, the Lord Buddha gave a dhamma talk, and then said that he would allow monks who have completed the vassa to ‘spread the kathina’. 

While the literal meaning of kathina is the wooden frame used during the Buddha’s time for sewing double-layered robes together, the phrase ‘spread the kathina’ has a figurative meaning of sharing the five privileges accorded to other eligible monastics participating in the kathina ceremony.

For further reading on the five privileges and how the ceremony is conducted, please refer to Kathina Then and Now by Aggacitta Bhikkhu

Kathina ceremonies

Credit: SBS Facebook

More details on SBS’s Kathina ceremony: https://sasanarakkha.org/2025/06/18/kathina-6/

…adapted for modern times

In this day and age, the Rains Retreat (Vassa) period is observed with slight variations, and so Kathina ceremonies have also evolved with time.

Modern infrastructure enables monastics to travel and to seek shelter from the monsoon weather whilst minimising both disruptions to their practice, and their potential destruction of non-human lives and habitats during the rainy season. With this, amongst other reasons, it seems that the practice of seclusion during the Vassa may be more varied in intensity in modern times.

With the advent of the Internet, monastics can also continue to teach remotely even if they choose to reside in a single location such as a monastery. Lay practitioners can therefore benefit from the continued stream of teachings and dhamma reflections during the three-month Vassa period.

Wooden frames or kathinas may also no longer be required in our modern times. Just as some of us have left behind the sewing needles and thimbles, monastics today might be making their robes using sewing machines instead!

See here: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19wECRPEq6/

The adaptation of scriptural traditions warrants deeper research and reflection; All observations and mistakes above are my own. Now for our introductory understanding, seeing as the Kathina ceremony lives on, how might we relate to it?

Significance of the Kathina for monastics and laity

Sāsanārakkha Buddhist Sanctuary

Credit: Sāsanārakkha Buddhist Sanctuary

The following suggestions are adapted from Sasanarakhha Buddhist Sanctuary: Kathina Day is a special occasion for many reasons.

For the monastics, Kaṭhina reminds them of at least 4 important things:

  1. The ancient practice of making their own robes.
  2. Gratitude to the lay devotees for relieving them of the time-consuming chores related to the making of these garments.
  3. Gratitude for the support from lay devotees for providing the monks with the 4 requisites so that they can make use of the time available to study, practise and propagate the Dhamma.
  4. To renew their commitment to perpetuate the Vinaya tradition of making the Kaṭhina robe by cutting, sewing and then dyeing it.

For the lay devotees, Kaṭhina is meaningful too. It gives them the opportunity to make a lot of merits. Lay devotees make merit on Kaṭhina day when they:

  • Develop faith in the Triple Gem – the Buddha, Dhamma and Saṅgha by learning and practising the Dhamma.
  • Renew their commitment to support the Saṅgha, thus prolonging the śāsana i.e. the teachings of the Buddha.
  • Help to support monasteries and retreat centres by contributing in cash and kind towards their operation and maintenance.

Where to go in Singapore

Mangala Vihara Buddhist Temple

Credit: Lanka Bogoda – Captured Mangala Vihara Buddhist Temple

I hope you’ve gained some appreciation for the Kathina (Robe offering) ceremony over the course of this article. Here are some locations you could visit if you’d like to experience it for yourself this year.

Mangala Vihara (30 Jalan Eunos, S419495)

  • 12 Oct, 6.30am – 8.30am
    • Kathina Robe Procession, Buddha Puja, Kathina Robe Offering, Sanghika Dana, Refreshments for Devotees
  • 12 Oct, 6.45pm – 8.45pm
    • Bodhi Puja, Buddha Puja, Buddhist Pali Naming Ceremony

Buddha Dhamma Mandala Society (567A Balestier Rd, S329884)

  • 12 Oct

Wat Ananda Metyarama (50B Jalan Bukit Merah, S169545)

  • 12 Oct, 9am
    • Kathina Robe Offering

Burmese Buddhist Temple (14 Tai Gin Road, S327873)

  • 19 Oct, 9.30am – 6.30pm
    • Kathina Robe Offering

Chinese Theravada Buddhist Association (341B, Beach Road, Singapore, 199567)

  • 19 Oct, starts at 8.30am
    • Kathina Robe Offering

Wat Palelai (49 Bedok Walk, S469145)

  • 26 Oct, 7am – 12.30pm
    • Refreshments, Alms round (pindapata), Kathina Ceremony, Lunch dana

Buddhist Library (59 Lor 24A Geylang, Singapore 398583)

  • 26 Oct, 7.30pm – 9.30pm

Uttayanmuni Buddhist Temple (32B Hong San Ter, S688785)

  • 26 Oct, 27 Oct
    • Kathina Day & Founder’s Day Memorial Service of Luang Phor Kron (Tok Raja)

Dhammakami Buddhist Society (29 Lor 29 Geylang, #06-01/02, S388078)

  • 2 Nov, 2 – 4.30pm

Singapore Buddhist Mission (9 Ruby Ln, S328284)

  • 2 Nov, 9am – 1pm

Where to go in Malaysia

Dhamma Earth - Kuala Lumpur

Credit: Richard Ng – Captured Dhamma Earth – Kuala Lumpur

Dhamma Earth (various locations)

Santi Forest Monastery (Ulu Tiram, Johor Dazul Ta’zim)

Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuary (SBS) (Taiping, Perak)

  • 12 Oct, starts at 7.30am
    • Kathina cloth offering, Offering of rice & requisites, Thanksgiving chants, Sharing merits, Dhamma talks, Monks collect alms food

Dhamma-Vijaya Buddhist Temple (Jalan Air Jernih, Kuala Terengganu)

  • 17 Oct, 8am onwards
    • Sai pat (rice offering), Kathina ceremony, Offering of robes & requisites, Blessing and Sharing of merits, Meal offering to the sangha

Nandaka Vihara Meditation Society 法悦林禅修道场 (Penang, Malaysia)

  • 18 Oct, 7.30pm – 9.30pm (Kathina Eve)
    • Lighting up of candles, Taking the 5 precepts, Bodhi Puka. Dhamma Talk, Sharing merits and aspiration
  • 19 Oct, 7.30am – 1.30pm (Kathina Day)
    • Welcome Kathina robe & requisites, Alms round (Pindapata), Food stalls, GOH arrival, Lunch dana / Taking the 5 precepts, Dhamma talk, Kathina robe offering, Paritta chanting, Sharing merits and aspiration

Santisukharama (Kota Tinggi, Johor)

  • 25 Oct, 8pm onwards (Kathina Eve)
    • Taking of 5 precepts, Dhamma talk by Ven Jotinanda, Metta chanting, Sharing of merits, Light refreshments
  • 26 Oct, 7am – 1pm
    • Breakfast fana, Kathina procession, Taking 5 precepts, Paritta chanting, Dhamma talk by Ven. Tejadhamma, Sharing of merits, Kathina ceremony at Sima hall, Lunch dana, Lunch for devotees

Sitavana (George Town, Penang)

  • 26 Oct, 9,30am onwards
    • Kathina robe offering, Taking the 5 precepts, Dhamma talk, Offering of robes & requisites, Sanghika dana, Sharing of merits, Vegetarian lunch for devotees

Brahmavihara Monastery & Retreat Centre (Melaka)

  • 1 Nov, 8am – 5am
    • Free medical service, Lunch dana, Seminar talk, Evening chanting, Dharma talk, All night chanting
  • 2 Nov, 6am onwards
    • Morning chanting, Breakfast dana, Pindapata, Robes Offering/Colouring Competition/Mini Bazaar/Exhibition/Buddhist Hymns Sharing, Lunch dana, Kathina ceremony/ Dharma talk/ Chanting

Wat Chetawan (Petaling Jaya, Selangor)

  • 1 Nov, 8pm
    • Paritta chanting & Special blessing at Dhamma Hall
  • 2 Nov, 11am onwards
    • Alms round, Sangha dana / Lunch for monks and Lunch for devotees, Procession around temple, Offering of robes & requisites, Sharing of merits at the Main Shrine Hall

Dhammavana Meditation Centre (Bukit Mertajam, Pulau Pinang)

  • 1 Nov, 7.30pm onwards
    • Evening chanting, Dhamma talk
  • 2 Nov, 7am onwards
    • Breakfast for Maha Sangha, Alms round, Homage to the Triple Gem, Requesting for 3 refuges and 5 precepts, Asking for forgiveness, Offering of Kathina cloth to the Maha Sangha, Dhamma talk, Offering of food & requisites to the Maha Sangha, Blessing and sharing of merits, Lunch

Buddhist Gem Fellowship (Petaling Jaya, Selangor)

  • 8 Nov, 9am – 12.30pm
    • Registration & pick-up robe, Arrival of the Maha sangha, Puja, Speech, Dhamma sharing by Bhante Dr. Dhammapala, Chanting of Maha Samaya Sutta, Offering of robes & requisites to the Maha Sangha, Blessings & Sharing of merits, Sanghika-dana & Meals for devotees

Credits and references

A number of sources were referenced for this article, including the BBC, Sasanarakkha Buddhist Santuary (SBS), Kathina Then and Now by Aggacitta Bhikkhu, as well as Buddhism info notice board 佛教资讯布告板 >> 2025 Vassa / Kathina 雨安居 / 卡帝那 Album which is faithfully maintained by a Malaysian brother who prefers to remain anonymous. Sadhu anumodana!

To explore more, you can also visit the Handful of Leaves’ Buddhist Directory or subscribe to our Telegram channel to not miss your favourite events again.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön: A Personal Reflection

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön: A Personal Reflection

Getting to Know Pema

Pema Chödrön’s story resonated with me right away. She wasn’t born into a monastery-she was a regular person, living a regular life, until everything fell apart for her too. Her marriage ended, her world was upended, and she found herself seeking deeper meaning. Eventually, she became a Buddhist nun and teacher, but she never lost her down-to-earth, relatable way of speaking. Reading her words felt like talking to a wise friend who had been through it all and come out the other side with a gentle smile.

Life Lessons That Landed Deeply

What struck me most about When Things Fall Apart was how Pema didn’t sugarcoat suffering. She doesn’t offer quick fixes or spiritual bypasses. Instead, she invites us to lean into our pain, to get curious about our discomfort, and to stop running away from what hurts.

Embracing Groundlessness

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön: A Personal Reflection

One of the most powerful lessons for me was her teaching on “groundlessness.” Pema writes about how we’re always looking for something solid to hold onto, but life just doesn’t work that way. Everything is always changing. At first, this was terrifying for me to accept. But as I read her words, I realized there’s a strange freedom in letting go of the need for certainty. When I stopped fighting reality, I found a little more peace.

Staying With Discomfort

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön: A Personal Reflection

Pema encourages us to “lean into the sharp points” of our experience. I remember a night when anxiety kept me awake, and instead of distracting myself, I tried her advice. I just sat with the feeling, noticing how it moved through my body. It wasn’t easy, but it was real, and for the first time, I felt like I was making friends with my own mind.

Making Room for All Emotions

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön: A Personal Reflection

I’ve always been someone who tries to “fix” bad feelings, but Pema’s words nudged me to try something different: just letting my emotions be. She says, “The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen.” I started to notice that when I stopped judging myself for feeling sad or scared, those emotions became less overwhelming.

Compassion and Courage

What I love most about Pema is her emphasis on compassion-especially self-compassion. She reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love, and that being gentle with ourselves in hard times is an act of bravery. This was a game-changer for me.

Moments That Stuck With Me

  • Staying with Uncertainty: Pema shares stories of her own life falling apart-marriage ending, health issues, losing teachers. She doesn’t pretend it was easy. Instead, she describes how she learned to stay present with her pain, and how that presence transformed her suffering into wisdom. I found comfort in knowing that even a Buddhist nun struggles sometimes.
  • Letting Go of Control: I laughed and nodded when Pema wrote about wanting life to be a neat, tidy puzzle. I’ve spent so much energy trying to control everything. Her advice to let go and accept the messiness of life was both humbling and liberating.
  • Facing Difficult Emotions: Her practice of getting “up close” with our feelings-without trying to change them-felt radical to me. It’s still something I’m learning, but it’s made a real difference in how I relate to myself.

What I Took Away:

Final Thoughts

When Things Fall Apart didn’t solve all my problems, but it changed the way I face them. Pema Chödrön’s gentle wisdom helped me see that I don’t need to have it all together to find peace. I just need to show up, stay present, and be kind to myself-especially when things are falling apart. If you’re going through a tough time, or just want to live with a little more courage and compassion, I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s been a true friend to me, and I hope it will be for you too.

The Silent Shutdown: How to Recognise When You’re Suppressing Your Emotions

The Silent Shutdown: How to Recognise When You’re Suppressing Your Emotions

Editor’s note: This is an adapted article from Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings

We like to think of ourselves as rational, composed beings. We handle stress. We power through bad days. We “let it go.” But what happens when we don’t? When, instead of dealing with our emotions, we shove them into a locked box and pretend they never existed?

Emotional suppression is sneaky. It doesn’t announce itself.  Instead, it creeps in, disguising itself as resilience, logic, or just “not having time to deal with this right now.” Before you know it, you’re operating on autopilot, feeling strangely numb, disconnected, or—ironically—like you’re about to explode.

As someone who used emotional suppression as a means for survival for years, I often catch myself acting out when I deal with stress, conflict or uncertainty. Instead of standing up for my instincts, I find myself avoiding or ignoring the emotions.

The First Sign: You’re Always ‘Fine’

If “I’m fine” is your go-to response, even when you’re clearly not, that’s a red flag. It’s not that you’re lying, exactly—it’s that you genuinely don’t feel in touch with what’s going on beneath the surface. Instead of acknowledging sadness, frustration, or anxiety, you convince yourself that you simply don’t have feelings about the situation at all. 

You Get Overwhelmed by ‘Small’ Things

Ever found yourself losing your patience over slow Wi-Fi, a spilled drink, or an unexpected email? If you’re suppressing emotions, tiny inconveniences feel disproportionately infuriating. That’s because unprocessed emotions don’t disappear; they simmer beneath the surface, waiting for an outlet. When something minor happens, it bursts through the cracks.

You Distract Yourself Constantly

Binge-watching, doomscrolling, overworking, or planning every second of your day—these aren’t just hobbies; they’re avoidance tactics. When silence feels unbearable, and you’re always reaching for something to fill the space, ask yourself: What am I trying not to feel?

Your Body Knows Before You Do

Suppression doesn’t just stay in your head; it seeps into your body. Tight shoulders, headaches, unexplained fatigue, and digestive issues—these can all be signs of emotional stress manifesting physically. If you’re exhausted but don’t know why, your emotions might be dragging you down from the inside out.

You Feel Disconnected from Joy

Emotional suppression isn’t selective. When you shut down sadness, frustration, or fear, you also dull your ability to feel excitement, love, and joy. If nothing excites you anymore, if life feels muted, this could be a sign that you’ve closed yourself off emotionally without even realising it.

Learning to let them surface in a healthy way.

The Silent Shutdown: How to Recognise When You're Suppressing Your Emotions

When I first moved out of my home at 18 years of age, I spent the next years healing my nervous system and getting back in touch with my emotions. We all need to identify what works for us, whether it be journaling, exercising, or talking to someone. We need to process and sit with what is coming up, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Final Thought: Your Emotions Aren’t the Enemy

Shutting down might feel like a survival strategy, but it comes at a cost. Suppressed emotions don’t vanish—they find other ways to manifest, often in ways that make life harder than it needs to be. The real strength isn’t in suppressing what you feel; it’s in facing it, allowing it, and realising that emotions—no matter how uncomfortable—are there to guide you, not break you.