TLDR: Fathers in our lives may be stern and commanding, but they provide sustenance, practical advice, and express their love in different forms. Father figures during Buddha’s time highlight fatherly love, sacrifice, and invaluable teachings such as unconditional love and gratitude.
A warm and caring figure comes to mind when we think of our mother. On the other hand, when we think of our father, fear strikes our hearts.
Why can’t we have a warm, sacrificing father like Ne Zha’s father, we may wonder? Perhaps our fathers’ sacrifices come in different ways, and they are often too little, too late, before we realise.
Letting Go Is Hard
When I was sent abroad to study in the United States of America (USA), (I was studying and living there for 12 years), and with long intervals of about 2-3 years before I returned to Malaysia for visits, I thought my father had abandoned me.
Though later on, I realised that, due to financial challenges of sending me abroad at the height of the 1997-1998 Financial Crisis, and also my father’s battle with cancer (he’s now a 4-time cancer survivor), the regular trip home is hard to materialise.
Furthermore, my father was worried about me being affected academically (he doesn’t want me to worry about his health) and financially (cancer treatment costs a lot!), so it was next to impossible for me to visit home frequently. Mind you, this was the world before WhatsApp video calls existed, hence, letter writing (snail mail) and using International phone cards to make voice calls was used.
When working and living in Singapore, going on regular meditation retreats, and pursuing my five years of Buddhist Studies, from Diploma to Master’s, I never quite understood my father’s concerns about how I should prioritise my career before learning Buddhism. I thought that my pursuit of Buddhism would help not only myself but my parents too, if I could better educate and share the Dhamma with them.
This is where I recollect and remember the story of King Suddhodana’s concern for his son, the Buddha, and then his grandson, Rahula.
“Sometimes letting go is harder than breaking up.” While the lyrics come from a romantic song, it poignantly reminds me of my father’s great sacrifice. He sent his son away to study abroad for a better future with no certainty that the distance will not disrupt the already tenuous bond between them.
Sacrifice My Own Needs, for My Child’s Need is Greater
Biologically and psychologically, one can argue that it is for preserving one’s offspring’s genetics and contributions over time. For a very long time, I never quite understood the seemingly irrational ideals of someone sacrificing their own needs for the needs of another, until it happened to me.
As a childless single, I often surprise my friends when I mention “my kids” In our conversations.
I refer to my students under my care, my counselling students, as my kids. It’s an internal code word for some of us in the counselling field of a particular biological age, where we would and could have been fathers and mothers, to activate our parental instincts.
As one of the volunteer teachers for the Buddhist Fellowship (BF), Junior Youth (JY), a group of 13-16-year-old students for BF regular Saturday afternoon classes, it is one of my privileges to bring snacks and drinks for the students for their tea break. It is always interesting for teachers to observe and identify which snacks are in vogue amongst our “kids”.
Getting the right snacks that get consumed earns us bigger joy than hitting the metaphorical jackpot, it seems!
In the story of King Bibimsara and Prince Ajatasattu, despite Prince Ajatasattu’s traitorous intent in taking over his father’s Kingdom and torturing King Bibimsara, we read that the king only has goodwill towards his son. Prince Ajatasattu realised the love of a father only when he became a father, albeit a bit too late as King Bibimsara had passed on.
While I have glimpses of what a father’s sacrifice could be like, thinking and worrying about those under my care, I also realised that I would never fully understand a father’s sacrifice, unlike my best friend Marcus, who became a new father last year. Bro, I guess I can forgive you for becoming more absent in my life, as your child needs more attention than I do.
As friends of our peers, friends, and colleagues who are young parents, may we extend our love and compassion to them for the great sacrifice they make. I would add that we should not forget to extend the same to ourselves, when we have to part with our close friend’s company. As a helping professional, I often remind my clients that one’s suffering is not a comparison game, that one’s suffering is no less than the other’s.
Resilience : Top Life Lesson from my Father
When I shared my topsy-turvy life journey, moving from Malaysia to the USA to Singapore, many wondered how I grew from a shy, introverted child, the metaphorical soft and easily bruised strawberry, to the charismatic, extroverted man, or what I considered to be the hardy and thorny durian fruit I am today.
I like the metaphor of the durian fruit because while I may seem hardy and tough on the outside, I am still very sensitive deep down; also friendly and wonderful to get to know, though I find it increasingly hard to let people into my life.
My father is a Polio victim survivor. For those who don’t know, those BCG jabs that you received for vaccination actually help to spare you from the crippling nerve disease that caused my father to grow up with a shrunken left leg that causes him to walk with a limp.
Despite my father’s physical limitations, my grandfather (toxic masculinity ideals or the practical realities of the harsh life facing men of those days?) makes my father a socially athletic handyman around the house. My father’s nickname is Coach, for he self-taught himself how to swim from reading books, and he had coached many to swim (except his three sons)…
Additionally, as a 4-times cancer survivor still living as healthy as possible given him closing on to 80 years old, my father was the symbol of resilience and inner strength that I had learnt to embody over the years of facing my demons and hardships in life.
In the Sigālovāda Sutta, the young man, Sigālaka, was guided by the Buddha on the teachings Sigālaka’s father was trying to convey. Themes of respecting one’s parents and teachers, avoiding vices such as gambling, and making good friends are qualities that are not only taught by my father but are lived by him.
Visiting and spending time with the elders during Chinese New Year makes sense now, as strong social connections are a predictor of a good life for our elderly relatives and friends. Social connections are essential for both the young and the old.
Sketched by playingwithpencil
In closing, I would like to dedicate my appreciation and gratitude to my father, Mr. Lim Siow Choo:
Father, thank you for teaching me the lessons of life not only through your exemplary guidance when I was young but more so through your lived experience of living the good life.
I am a better person today because of you. You taught me to look for a hero within myself, to be the best man I can be, because you showered me with the “Greatest Love of All.” While I continue to wish you would say ”I Will Always Love You” to me, I know deep down that your action (of love) speaks louder than words.
May you, readers, find the greatest love of all in your father and mother.
Sukhi hontu – May you be well and happy.
Wise Steps:
• For Father’s Day in June, thank your Father or Father figures in your life. Next, try to keep it going for the rest of the months till the next Father’s Day, where possible.
• We can practice gratitude to our parents by sharing the Buddhist teachings with them.
• Dhamma books and YouTube teachings are good ways for our parents to learn the Dhamma when we are not at home.
TLDR: The Buddha’s teaching in uncertain times can help us face Singapore’s elections with mindfulness. Avoid greed, hatred, and delusion, and use compassion and ethical principles to make thoughtful voting choices.
Election season in Singapore is here again—a time of passionate debates, promises of change, and tough choices. Whether you’re scrolling through political news, attending rallies, or discussing policies over kopi, it can feel overwhelming.
But what if we approached this pivotal moment with a little more mindfulness and wisdom? Buddhist teachings offer timeless insights that can help us navigate elections—not just as voters, but as thoughtful participants in shaping our society.
From the Buddha’s advice to kings on ethical governance to the dangers of greed, hatred, and delusion, and even the Eightfold Path as a practical framework, here’s how Buddhist principles can guide us through the noise and intensity of the election season.
What Would the Buddha Say About Leadership?
Believe it or not, the Buddha had plenty to say about governance. He wasn’t just a spiritual teacher; he often advised kings and rulers on how to lead with fairness and compassion.
In the Cakkavatti Sihanada Sutta, he described the qualities of a righteous leader—someone who protects their people, ensures justice, and governs with generosity.
“Provide just protection and security for your court, troops, aristocrats, vassals, brahmins and householders, people of town and country, ascetics and brahmins, beasts and birds. Do not let injustice prevail in the realm. Provide money to the penniless in the realm.” – Cakkavatti Sihanada Sutta
Imagine a leader who prioritizes the welfare of everyone equally, from hawkers to CEOs. That’s governance rooted in Dhamma.
The contemporary Buddhist scholars also identified the Dasarājadhamma—the Ten Royal Virtues—which include generosity (dāna), non-hatred (akkodha), honesty (ajjava), and patience (khanti).
These virtues aren’t just for kings; they’re qualities we can look for in candidates today.
Are they fair? Do they promote unity? Do their policies reflect compassion for all Singaporeans?
Greed, Hatred, and Delusion: The Three Poisons of Politics
Let’s be real—elections can bring out the best and worst in people. Campaigns are full of promises (some realistic, some not), fiery speeches, and sometimes even mudslinging.
Buddhist teachings warn us about three poisons that can cloud our judgment: greed (lobha), hatred (dosa), and delusion (moha). These are especially relevant during elections:
Greed: Ever been tempted by flashy promises that sound too good to be true? Maybe it’s time to pause and ask: “Does this benefit everyone or just me?” Reading manifestos or political speeches can rile up the greed in us. Treading carefully can help us keep our minds in the middle.
Hatred: Elections often stir emotions—us versus them, heated arguments on social media. But is divisive rhetoric really helping anyone? Choosing leaders who promote unity over polarization might be wiser. If consuming too much GE news stirs up anger, it might be good to set that aside for the time being and go back to wholesome activities.
Delusion: Charisma is great, but it’s not everything. Instead of being dazzled by personality, take a closer look at policies and track records. Are they walking the talk? Are you starting to close in on one single view of some candidates/parties? Are you open to others’ perspectives or just your own? Are you agitated when people poke fun/ask deeper questions about your favourite party/candidate?
Sutta Snapshots: The Buddha’s Wisdom on Governance
The Buddha didn’t shy away from talking about societal responsibility. In the Mahaparinibbana Sutta, he praised the Vajjians for their democratic practices—regular assemblies, mutual respect among citizens, and shared decision-making.
Sounds like a pretty solid model for participatory governance in Singapore too!
And then there’s the Kutadanta Sutta, where he advocated addressing economic inequality as a way to reduce crime—a lesson for policymakers crafting solutions for housing affordability or income disparity here at home.
“Let the king provide seed and fodder for those in the realm who work in growing crops and raising cattle. The king should spend his own resources to support his citizens in the various occupations. Let the king provide funding for those who work in trade. Let the king guarantee food and wages for those in government service. Then the people, occupied with their own work, will not harass the realm.”– Kutadanta Sutta
A Cheat Sheet for Mindful Voting
Borrowing some elements from the corpus of Buddhist teachings that can help us think through before the vote:
Remember that power is impermanent. Focus on policies that create long-term benefits rather than short-term fixes.
Vote with compassion and wisdom—not out of anger or prejudice.
Avoid gossiping about candidates or spreading misinformation online (yes, even in WhatsApp family chats).
Make your vote count by participating responsibly
Support leaders whose policies encourage ethical industries and sustainable growth.
Stay informed without letting political drama consume you.
Reflect on your values before making decisions—don’t rush it.
Focus on what truly matters—the collective good—not sensational headlines.
Imagine approaching election day like a mindfulness practice—calmly weighing your options instead of reacting impulsively.
How Can We Bring Wisdom Into Our Ballot Box?
Elections don’t have to feel like a battlefield; they can be an opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion as citizens. Here are some ways Buddhist principles can inspire us:
For Voters: Instead of focusing solely on personal gain (like tax rebates or subsidies), consider policies that benefit everyone—including vulnerable groups like seniors or low-income families.
For Leaders: Lead with humility and integrity. The Buddha taught that leadership is service—not power—and that true progress comes from unity rather than division.
For Everyone: Engage in discussions with kindness—even when opinions differ—and avoid contributing to negativity online or offline.
A Discerning Election Journey
At its heart, voting is more than just ticking a box- it’s a chance to co-create a future rooted in fairness, compassion, and wisdom.
So as you head to the polls this year, take inspiration from Buddhist teachings: leadership isn’t about power but service; governance isn’t about authority but righteousness; progress isn’t about division but unity. Let’s approach this election season not as a competition but as a shared journey toward collective well-being—for ourselves and generations to come.
May your choices reflect wisdom and compassion—and may Singapore continue to thrive as a nation built on harmony!
Wise Steps:
Practice discerning on your vote: Reflect on candidates’ policies and track records rather than being swayed by charisma or sensational promises. Ask yourself: “Do these policies benefit everyone or just a select few?”
Engage Positively: Avoid divisive rhetoric or spreading misinformation online. Instead, participate in discussions with kindness and openness to differing perspectives, fostering unity rather than conflict.
Focus on the Bigger Picture: Consider long-term benefits for the nation rather than short-term fixes. Support leaders who prioritize equity, sustainability, and collective well-being over personal or partisan interests.
TLDR: Barbie embarks on a cinematic adventure echoing Buddha’s path, delving into suffering, change, and the journey to inner peace.
In the 2023 release of “Barbie”, the iconic doll embarks on a journey that resonates with Buddha’s own journey and his teachings. From the concept of suffering to non-self, impermanence, and overcoming ignorance, the film subtly presents these themes in a relatable way.
Here are 6 moments you might have missed while looking at Ken’s abs or hearing truth bombs at the end of the movie.
*Obvious Spoiler Alerts*
A blend of Buddha & Barbie Cr: Google Images
#1 From Barbieland to Buddha: An Unexpected Journey
The film begins in a utopia called Barbieland, where Barbies live a life of blissful ignorance. Similar to the story of Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha, Barbie’s world is picture-perfect.
However, a burning query about mortality during a disco party shatters this illusion, propelling her on a journey beyond the confines of her plastic paradise.
“Do you ever think about dying?” – Barbie
This pivotal question echoes the Buddha’s exploration of life beyond the protected walls of his royal existence, where he encountered sickness, old age, and death. Buddha shares his realisation neatly in this sutta about old age.
“Why this laughter, why this joy, when the world is constantly burning, why, when enveloped by darkness, do you not seek for a light?” Dhammapada 146
#2 It does not last
Barbie’s perfect routine of waking up fresh, getting fake fresh milk, and having heels start to fall apart when the human-to-doll connection darkens. She starts to experience ageing and even bodily pains (anyone in their late 20s and beyond put your hands up?)
“Every day is the best day ever, and every night is girls’ night, from now until FOREVER!” – Barbie
Barbie’s ‘permanence’ narrative falls apart faster as she ventures beyond the plastic world (she tries to choose ignorance by opting for the pretty shoe instead of Birkenstock, but obviously takes the Birks upon intense nudging)
Barbie: “I never wanted anything to change!”
Gloria: “Oh honey, that’s life, it is all change”
This echoes what Buddha talked about change as one of the 3 sufferings that all beings experience in his First Noble Truth. Buddha shares that suffering can be caused by:
1) Pain (Dukkha Dukkha) experienced when spraining your ankle.
2) Mental formations (Sankhara Dukkha) experienced when you think/ judge/angst over what should/shouldn’t be done when spraining the ankle and how unfair it is to have it sprained before your wedding
3) Change (Vaparinama Dukkha) is experienced when we do not want things to change and it changes anyway. It is the painful craving of being unable to control permanence.
#3 Ken’s Identity Crisis & realisation of non-self (sort of)
Ken’s struggle with his identity mirrors the Buddhist teaching of attachment to self. This attachment, according to Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, often leads to suffering. Ken’s journey reflects the Buddhist understanding of non-self and interconnectedness.
“Who am I if I am not Ken?”
This crisis of identity and the eventual acceptance of his intrinsic worth without attaching to a particular identity reflects the Buddhist teaching of letting go of attachment to self to alleviate suffering.
The moment Ken realises he doesn’t need to be tethered to the idea of ‘Barbie & Ken’ but just ‘Ken’ unlocks his attachment to control. He can finally be himself.
Of course, the film doesn’t delve deeper into Non-self. I can’t imagine moviegoers going through the teaching of non-self in a light-hearted movie.
Buddha expounds non-self through a series of questions to the five disciples. Here is one line of questioning for us to understand a glimpse of nonself.
In this example, he questions that if we had a real, full self, we would be able to command it. Failing which, how can we call this ‘me’? You can read the deep sutta here. Definitely deeper than Ken’s realisation.
“Bhikkhus, form (body) is not-self. Were form self, then this form would not lead to affliction, and one could have it of form: ‘Let my form be thus, let my form be not thus.’ And since form is not-self, so it leads to affliction, and none can have it of form: ‘Let my form be thus, let my form be not thus.” – Buddha
#4 Placing your happiness in others
Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him. -Narrator
Ken waits for Barbie to notice him and feels awful when it doesn’t happen. He is even jealous of other Kens who get her attention. We see this evolve into toxicity as Ken builds his entire actions based on pleasing one lady.
The act of placing all of our happiness in one person who is subjected to change, ageing, sickness, and death sets us up for future unhappiness.
The Buddha encouraged us to seek within and not without for contentment. Noting that the world is ultimately unreliable. (How many bestest of friends have we lost since we ventured into the work-life?)
To cultivate stillness and peace alongside our Kalyana Mittas (Spiritual friends) is ideal as one slowly becomes at peace in the presence of oneself. With no one to prove.
“Searching all directions with one’s awareness,
one finds no one dearer than oneself.
In the same way, others are dear to themselves.
So one should not hurt others if one loves oneself.”
Stepping into the real world, Barbie’s journey becomes an awakening. She confronts suffering, particularly as a woman, as she experiences sexual harassment and criticism for creating unrealistic standards of beauty. This is a reflection of the first of the four noble truths in Buddhism – the existence of suffering. The world is not satisfactory
Ruth Handler, the real-life inventor of Barbie and co-founder of Mattel, serves as a mentor in the movie. She educates Barbie about suffering and the human experience, mirroring the role of a Buddhist teacher guiding disciples through the path of wisdom.
“The world is full of suffering. That’s part of being human.” – Ruth Handler
Of course, it is bleak if we stop there. If suffering is part of being human and we couldn’t do anything about it…we will all be pretty sad creatures scampering across our lives.
Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, shares that we shouldn’t fear suffering but rather fear that we do not have the methods to deal with suffering. The Buddha’s 8 fold path is one superb way of dealing with suffering. We just need to apply it.
“We try to transform suffering into something good. Even a lotus flower needs mud in order to grow. It can’t grow on marble. You have to recognize that there is a close connection between suffering and happiness. If you run away from suffering, you cannot find happiness. On the contrary, we should try to identify the roots of our suffering. Only then can we gain understanding and cultivate compassion.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
#6 Feel to Heal: Embracing Emotions
One of the most poignant moments in the film is when Ruth encourages Barbie to feel. This invitation to experience all emotions, including pain, resonates with the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, wherein one is encouraged to fully experience one’s emotions without judgment or aversion.
This reminded me of Buddhist teacher Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation method. This method encourages us to feel the difficult emotions in our lives in a mindful way.
You may read more about it here and try it in the article as well!
Conclusion
“Barbie” (2023) takes viewers on a journey of self-discovery, suffering, transformation, and enlightenment, mirroring the teachings of Buddhism. Through its characters and narrative, the film encourages viewers to reflect on their own understanding of life, happiness, and self, embracing the impermanence of life and the journey towards self-realisation.
Wise Steps:
Reflect on how we can find Dhamma moments in our entertainment; there are opportunities to tie Dhamma to the drama we consume
Where are we putting our happiness right now? Is it mostly external? Or the internal?
Vesak, also known as Buddha Day, is a significant Buddhist holiday celebrated across the world. It commemorates the birth, nirvāṇa (enlightenment) and parinirvāṇa (passing) of Buddha. However, in Malaysia and Singapore, Buddhists celebrate this holiday on different dates in 2023.
While Malaysia celebrates Vesak on May 4, 2023, Singapore observes it on June 2, 2023. This discrepancy in the celebration of Vesak can be confusing for some, especially for those who are not familiar with the lunar calendar. For those wondering whether your long weekend is in jeopardy, we got your back 😉
Know your dates to have a date with Buddha 😉
The celebration of Vesak is based on the lunar calendar, which is a calendar based on the cycles of the moon. This means that the dates of Buddhist holidays, including Vesak, are determined by the lunar cycle rather than the solar cycle. The lunar calendar is used by many cultures and religions around the world, including Buddhism, Islam, and Judaism.
The difference in the celebration of Vesak between Malaysia and Singapore in 2023 is due to the different ways in which the two countries follow the lunar calendar. 2023’s May has two full moons. A buffet.
Malaysia celebrates Vesak on the first full moon in the month of May (similar to Sri Lanka, Nepal, India). This approach celebrates Vesak in the Gregorian Calendar of May. On the other hand, Singapore follows the Chinese lunar calendar and takes the second full moon in Visakha month. This is similar to Thailand, Laos, and Indonesia which celebrate Vesak on the fourteenth or fifteenth day of the fourth month in the Chinese lunar calendar.
🇲🇾 Malaysia: 4 May 2023
🇸🇬 Singapore: 2 June 2023
🇹🇭 Thailand: 3 June 2023
🇮🇩 Indonesia: 4 June 2023
Vesak ain’t the only chaotic date
Because of the difference in the lunar calendars used by Malaysia and Singapore, the celebration of Vesak falls on different dates in 2023. However, it is important to note that this discrepancy is not unique to Vesak. Other religions that follow the non-gregorian calendar also have different holy dates across the world.
How should we look at this supposed ‘chaos’
So, how should Buddhists view this discrepancy in the celebration of Vesak between Malaysia and Singapore in 2023? Firstly, it is important to remember that the essence of the celebration remains the same, regardless of the date.
Vesak is a time for Buddhists to reflect on the life and teachings of the Buddha and to practice compassion and kindness towards all sentient beings. The date of the celebration should not detract from the significance of the holiday.
Secondly, Buddhists should view this discrepancy as a reminder of the diversity of Buddhist traditions and cultures around the world. Buddhism has spread across the globe and has taken on different forms in different countries.
While the celebration of Vesak may differ in Malaysia and Singapore, the core principles of Buddhism, including compassion, wisdom, and mindfulness, remain the same.
Finally, Buddhists should use this discrepancy as an opportunity to learn more about the different ways in which Buddhism is practised around the world. By understanding the unique traditions and cultures of different Buddhist communities, we can deepen our own practice and broaden our perspectives.
Maybe we shouldn’t take getting the ‘right’ date so seriously as this hardwarezone commentator points out.
Wholesome Wednesdays (WW): Bringing you curated positive content on Wednesdays to uplift your hump day.
There are times in history and present day where we hear of really evil atrocities done to innocent people. Our heart aches with pain for the victim and burns with anger for the perpetrator. As a Buddhist or one that identifies with Buddha’s teachings, is forgiveness the answer? We cover an interview about evil and also how Buddha approached a mass murderer who nearly killed him. Here are two stories:
Can evil people be forgiven?
Buddha faced a mass murderer who tried to kill him. Here’s what happened next.
Can evil people be forgiven?
Cr: Jubilee’s Youtube Channel
What’s going on here & Why we like it
Jubilee, a youtube channel focused on fostering interfaith understanding, does an ask-me-anything with Gyokei, a soto zen monk. We enjoy this interview because of how Venerable Gyokei does not try to give ‘ideal’ or ‘theoretical’ answers but shows his human side. He even refers to his son as a way to empathise with a situation of mass murder.
Often, perpetrators are driven and blinded by three poisons (greed, hatred, delusion) making them heavily trapped in these cycles. Gyokei shares that forgiveness needs to come from understanding that person’s conditions and from there we see a certain humanity within them.
“There are so much more than I’m failing to see and there’s recognition that how did that form of struggle and suffering came to take form and shape
Wise Steps
Is there someone who has wronged us in the past? Are we able to see the conditions that led them to where they are
Forgiveness does not need two parties. It can start from us, releasing us from the prison of repeated pains of the past.
Buddha faced a mass murderer who tried to kill him. Here’s what happened next.
Cr: Vipassana Research Institute
What’s going on here & why we like it
ICRC, International Committee of the Red Cross, provides readers with an abridged version of the Angulimala Sutta which shares how Buddha faced a serial killer (Angulimala) and how that killer eventually became a prominent disciple.
We like this article as it is concise on the story of Anguilimala and it also highlights the humanitarian principles that the Buddha pursued in his life as a teacher. It showed us that even the most deluded/evil of people can be redeemed. It is about seeing how their conditions made them that way and slowly un-conditioning them. This is a useful sutta on how Buddhists can face even the deepest tragedies caused by deluded individuals.
“The Buddha replied, ‘I have stopped, Angulimala. You stop.’”
Wise Steps
How often do we see the world as black and white, and in absolutes? Do we pause to reflect on how complex people are and what conditioned them?
Question deeper: If I was as hurt as these individuals who harm others, will I wish to receive compassion and kindness as well?
