Screaming Wisdom: Lessons from a Disturbing Sydney Commute

Screaming Wisdom: Lessons from a Disturbing Sydney Commute

TLDR : An unsettling tram ride sparks a deep reflection on society’s treatment of mental illness and what we can do about it.

Editor’s note: This is an adapted article from Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings.

The doors of the Sydney City Tram had just closed behind me when I heard the bellowing of an older man at the end of the carriage.

The man was stout, about 1.6m tall and had brown and grey speckled hair. His only belongings- a wheeled fabric shopping trolley. 

At first glance, he looked unassuming and could easily have been just a regular rush hour commuter – Except for the fact he was bellowing at a younger man, who stood across from him on this packed tin can.

The poor younger man, probably in his early 30s was tall with clean-cut brown hair. He wore a brown linen blazer, a blue cotton t-shirt and trendy white sneakers. He held onto the straps of his rectangular tech backpack, trying to look down or away from the man.

You’re a bully!

Screaming Wisdom: Lessons from a Disturbing Sydney Commute

“Why are you coming so close to me!!”,  the old man yelled. “You’re a bully! How dare you come so close to me!”. He kept repeating the phrases (and other words that I dare not mention here). 

It didn’t take long for us bystanders to realise that the older man lived in some delusional reality where the fellow commuter was an enemy and wanted to harm him. In reality, he had done nothing worthy of the attack from an old man on a tram.

He remained in the firing line for a long 2 minutes, until the tram finally pulled up at the next destination. Thankfully the old man (still pointing his finger and yelling at the young man), would disembark. 

The relief

We all breathed a sigh of relief. Anyone could see that there was no calming the man or interjecting the situation without escalating his demeanour and the yelling. 

When the doors closed, it felt like the entire carriage experienced a collective sigh of relief and broke into conversation.  I’d find out from commuters who were sitting in the carriage before the young man had boarded, that two young girls were in the firing line of the old man earlier. 

He had yelled the same claims (“Why are you so close to me! Stay away from me, you bully!”). The young man had been the unlucky recipient and casualty for the entire carriage.

The real victim

The more I heard, the more I realised that the real victim was the old man. Whatever his life experience so far, he was suffering and it was manifesting in screaming fits and strangers. 

This moment arose karuna – the Buddhist practice of boundless compassion for all beings, especially those trapped in their own suffering. It breaks through our superficial view of people and sees their suffering underneath their hard exteriors.

Everyone was the enemy. Whatever had led to his mental condition, it was possibly amplified by loneliness and isolation, and as a society, we don’t have the ability or conviction to band together and help.

We sigh breaths of relief when we don’t have to face the presence of mental illness in our cities.

I won’t lie, in that moment, thinking about the gravity of the situation, I lost faith in our society and our ability to help the helpless.

The dominance of self-help and putting the onus on individuals to get better and “cure” themselves seems like a dangerous and ineffective way to treat people who actually need help. 

I’m a huge proponent of personal development and honing the tools to enrich your life. However, most of the content is beneficial for the average population not affected by more severe mental conditions.

Not understanding but tolerating

Screaming Wisdom: Lessons from a Disturbing Sydney Commute

We train doctors, lawyers, teachers, and specialists, and yet as a society we have become so transactional and indifferent to strangers, it often feels like people are simply checking off a box instead of providing genuine treatment plans and following up. 

Following our personal convictions has been eclipsed by the idea of following the economic flow. This has led to more of us simply tolerating each other, rather than understanding each other.

How did we become like this and how can we continue the learning and connection well into adulthood and beyond?

Sitting here hours after the incident, I wonder where would this old man go in the evening – did he even have a home or was that wheeled bag carrying his life’s belongings? What had happened in his life, that anyone who came close to him was a “bully” or “trying to fight him”?

What would trigger the man to begin yelling at another fellow commuter at another time on another day? Would he ever get the treatment he needs to live his life without inflicting himself and others conflict and pain?

The young man, who had shown a supernatural level of resilience, made a comment which really stood out to me. “I’ve been hearing about a lot of these outbreaks recently. I can’t help but think it is a spiritual issue.”

The left behinds

A spiritual issue?

I’ve been thinking about this comment a lot this evening. The young man had elaborated to explain to the few of us remaining on the tram, that he believes there is a correlation with the polarisation from technology, isolation from covid, as well as the breakdown of religion in our society, which leave behind individuals who are isolated and traumatised. 

They are relegated to cope with their traumas alone. He believed that the old man was dealing with personal demons in the best way he knew how. To fight with anyone who he saw as a threat or an oppressor to him personally – and clearly it did not take a lot for him to get triggered.

I’m well aware, that thinking about all of this well after the event, not having done anything in the moment is hypocritical. What am I doing to help the situation of helping create positive societal glue? How are we moving forward with the people who are so left behind and don’t have the resources or the networks to help them?

I think we need to be more compassionate about curious about each other.

I will do better, but we all need to do better too.


Wise Steps:

  1. Practice mindful observation: Notice without judgment the behaviors and struggles of those around you.
  2. Cultivate compassion: Recognize that everyone, even those who seem difficult, is fighting their own battles.
Dhamma vs. Adhamma (ft. Uncle Vijaya)

Dhamma vs. Adhamma (ft. Uncle Vijaya)

Summary

In the vast ocean of teachings, how do we discern the true Dhamma from the false? This question echoes through the ages, resonating in the hearts of seekers and practitioners alike. In a recent conversation with Uncle Vijaya, we delve deep into this inquiry, shedding light on crucial steps for navigating the path of Buddhism amidst a sea of teachings.

About the Speaker

Vijaya Samarawickrama, fondly known as Uncle Vijaya, is a respected figure within Buddhist communities, delivering countless inspiring Dhamma talks at universities, schools, and Dhamma centres throughout Malaysia, as well as in Singapore and Australia, spanning over six decades. In addition to his speaking engagements, he held the role of Patron at the Sasana Abhiwurdhi Wardhana Society in Kuala Lumpur and served as the Chairman of Nalanda Institute’s Education team. He represented Malaysia in various Buddhist conventions and conferences, both locally and internationally. He has authored over a dozen booklets, with more than 150,000 copies distributed worldwide. Before his retirement, he held the position of a senior lecturer at Universiti Teknologi Malaysia and worked as a lecturer in Drama and Theatre, Public Speaking, and World Religion at Taylor’s University American Degree Program.

Key Takeaways

Staying Faithful to the Buddha’s Words

At the heart of discernment lies the Buddha’s seal of approval. Uncle Vijaya emphasizes the significance of aligning teachings with the canonized scriptures, known as the Nikayas. These ancient texts, meticulously preserved through oral tradition, serve as a benchmark for authenticity. As the Buddha explained to Venerable Gotami in Aṅguttaranikāya (Numbered Discourses) 8.53:

“You might know that certain things lead to dispassion, not passion; to unyoking, not to yoking; to dispersal, not accumulation (of worldly gains); to fewer desires, not more; to contentment, not lack of contentment; to seclusion, not crowding; to energy, not laziness; to being unburdensome, not being burdensome. Categorically, you should remember these things as the teaching, the training, and the Teacher’s instructions.”

Guidance of Wise Teachers

In the journey of discernment, wise mentors illuminate the path. Cheryl and Uncle Vijaya stress the importance of seeking guidance from experienced practitioners who embody the teachings they impart. Discerning true Dhamma requires more than intellectual understanding; it demands experiential wisdom nurtured through the guidance of compassionate and knowledgeable teachers. With humility and patience, seekers can gradually deepen their understanding and practice, following the footsteps of those who have traversed the path before them.

In essence, discerning true Dhamma from false teachings is a journey of self-discovery and inner transformation. By anchoring ourselves in the Buddha’s timeless wisdom, seeking guidance from wise mentors, and nurturing inner virtues, we navigate the path with clarity and purpose. As Uncle Vijaya reminds us, amidst the myriad teachings and traditions, the true Dhamma shines as a beacon of liberation, guiding us toward the ultimate goal of awakening.

Transcript:

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast. My name is Cheryl. And with me I have Uncle Vijaya. For those who are big fans of our YouTube and our podcast, you will recognize that Uncle Vijaya has done an episode with us before. So I’m very excited to have Uncle Vijaya back.

I’m excited to be here too.

Awesome. we will be talking about distinguishing between false Dhamma and true Dhamma. nowadays there’s so many people who teach Dhamma. If you just Google or you just YouTube, everyone calls themselves a Dhamma teacher.

We have lay people, we have monastics, random people. So information is everywhere and anyone can package their teachings as the way to enlightenment. So for those who are interested in Buddhism, how can we discern that we’re truly learning the Buddha’s words and the Eightfold path?

So, Uncle Vijaya is awesome. He’s so experienced, very, very experienced Dhamma teacher. And I can’t think of anyone better who will enlighten us on this topic.

[00:01:06] Uncle Vijaya: No.

Thank you. Okay. So, what we in Buddhist circles would call what you are referring to is Adhamma. Dhamma is that which is approved by the Buddha, taught by the Buddha, and we’re very fortunate that even during the Buddha’s time, when he was still alive, what he taught was codified, classified and approved by the Buddha. I’ll go into that in a minute. But, during the Buddha’s time also, this was necessitated by the fact that there was a lot of Adhamma going on. Adhamma meaning that which is not Dhamma.

And a lot of people were either on their own making claims or for publicity purposes, misrepresenting the Buddha. One is misrepresenting, one is genuinely not understanding. Behind all of this is the fact that the Dhamma is not easy to understand. It is not for the faint-hearted. Yeah, the Buddha realized that immediately after his enlightenment. He asked himself whether he should share this Dhamma, which has brought him so much of personal benefit. Then he hesitated And he said it’s too difficult.

It is too complex and it is may not be worth his while to try and explain it to people whose eyes are covered with dust, who cannot see. So it’s a waste of time. He was on the verge of moving away because of the possibility that Adhamma would interfere. Whether he wanted to go and waste the rest of his life or the thought occurred to him, why don’t he become a Pacceka Buddha. Pacceka Buddhas are Buddhas, in exactly like our Buddha but they do not have the ability to teach. So they are called silent Buddhas. So the Buddha thought of becoming a Pacceka Buddha.

[00:03:25] Cheryl: This is a very profound moment because in the past the Buddha actually forsake the opportunity to become an Arahant because he wanted to become a Buddha to benefit all sentient beings.

But the fact that when he became a Buddha, he then had the doubts of whether he should teach. So it really points to how sublime this Dhamma is.

[00:03:48] Uncle Vijaya: How sublime…… It wasn’t the failing on the Buddha’s part, but the Buddha’s own realization of whether there are beings that would understand. Why waste? Why cast pearls before swine? You know, so when that thought occurred to him, we are so lucky. Venerable Sangharakshita says that mankind’s fate hung in the balance, very dramatic. Now, should I, should I not. And then Maha Brahma comes down and pleads with the Buddha and says, please do go ahead and teach because there are beings with little dust in their eyes.

And then the Buddha said, it’s not that the Buddha needed to be told that, the Buddha knew it. But I think this is the way of expressing that there was a need, and there was the assurance. History has shown that he made the right decision to teach because there were so many who benefited right down to our own time.

Okay. So it was Maha Brahma who pleaded with the Buddha to teach the Dhamma, and the Buddha proceeded. And the Buddha achieved a lot. During the 45 years of his teaching, there was so much of Adamma as well.

Some were doing it viciously, others were doing it innocently. They didn’t understand. And the Buddha had to constantly remind his followers to go ahead and follow his Dhamma. And he made many, many discourses where he separated the Dhamma from the Adhamma, yeah?

How do you differentiate between the two? And we are fortunate in that the Buddha himself Approved what is Dhamma and what is not.

One incident is, just before the Buddha passed away, the Buddha was already quite old, reaching the end of his career, and one of the strongest opponents, those who are teaching other views, was a Philosopher called Nigantha Nātaputta. And he had just died.

And after he died, because he had not made clear what it is that he was teaching, and he made final decisions on what to teach and what not to teach, when he died, there was a huge amount of controversy. And it became very ugly.

Okay. Now we come back to the Buddha. So the Buddha was in this place, and he had given the Dhamma talk, and he said, okay, now it’s time. I want to rest. And it goes, Sariputta, while I am resting, I can see that the monks are very alert, they are not sleepy, you see, and they are ready for more Dhamma talk. So while I rest, you go ahead and teach on my behalf.

Get the picture? It’s late in the evening, Buddha had just finished, monks were still alert and ready to listen more. And Sariputta was told, okay, please deputize for me. And Sariputta said, now that Nigantha Nātaputta has just died, there’s so much of controversy because there’s no authority to say what is the truth and what is not. We will avoid this. So he said that to do this, he will list out everything that the Buddha taught. Now we know that the popular saying is there were 84000 units of Dhamma that the Buddha taught over his 45 years. So he said, let us codify that. Let us collate that. Let us organize that.

Okay, and remember it was a culture which had no writing. It was an oral culture. and Venerable Sariputta decided to chant together in the Digha Nikaya. Yeah, it is recorded as the chanting together, Saṅgīti Sutta (DN 33). So he said, let us all together recite everything that the Buddha taught, right? And they used a device which we use for remembering, mnemonics because it’s not a written device. It’s an oral thing and to remember, so what they did was they put this knowledge that they had accumulated, uh, codified it into 1, 2, 3.

What is 1…

what is 2…

what is 3… Triple Gem. Anicca, Dukkha, Anatta. All the 3s, all the 4s, all the way down.

So the whole night, Sariputta and the rest of the monks together recited everything, they rehearsed. Everything that the Buddha spoke on in ones, twos, threes, fours, and so on, right? And by the time they finished, it was already morning. And the Buddha got up from his rest. And he said, I heard it all. I approve. Sadhu! Yes, my hair also stands on end, Sadhu! Because that tells us that we have right down to our time what the Buddha taught. This is the Dhamma, right? And anything that is not included in this, that is not the Dhamma.

[00:09:51] Cheryl: So, this gives a lot of assurance and confidence that whenever we hear something that we’re not sure of, we can go back and check because the Buddha gave the stamp of approval.

[00:10:02] Uncle Vijaya: Absolutely. That was when the Budha was still alive. Immediately after the Budha died, seven months after he died, we had the First Council (483 BC). And in that First Council,

Venerable Ananda, “thus have I heard”.

One of the arrangements that Venerable Ananda made with the Buddha before he agreed to serve him was whatever Dhamma talk that the Buddha gave, if he had not been present, the Buddha would repeat. So, Venerable Ananda, he had a fantastic memory. Yeah, he listened and he remembered everything that the Buddha had taught in his presence as well as outside of it. For example, it is said that he spent three months in Tāvatiṃsa heaven preaching to his mother.

When he came back, he repeated that to Venerable Ananda, so that when the First Council took place, very soon, while it was still hot it was recorded again, using the same mnemonic device of ones, twos, threes. So we can be rest assured that this is the Dhamma. If any other teaching comes about later, well and good, provided that it fits in with the teaching of Dhamma.

Why did I say that? Because the Buddha said don’t reject everything as not Dhamma. Sometimes it can qualify, although the Buddha himself didn’t say it’s Dhamma, because he says his teaching is like the footprint of the elephant. It is the biggest footprint in the jungle. All other footprints will fit into that.

So other religions would also teach Dhamma mixed with Adhamma. The Buddha’s Four Noble Truths is the Dhamma and it’s not adulterated. This is the beauty of the Buddha’s teaching from then until now. Don’t condemn everybody else. He always says don’t condemn others. What they say may have elements of Dhamma. Look for that. And then this coincides with what the Buddha had taught. So accept. This way we avoid a whole lot of quarrels and so on. To say that all religions teach false, except Buddhism, the Buddha says, no, that is not a sensible way of approaching it. Yeah, if what they say coincides with what the Buddha said, well and good.

If it is not, without rancor, without anger, without bad manners, don’t reject. Just let it go. There you go. Just don’t accept. So this is the Dhamma and Adhamma. We are saying this because in today’s day and age with internet and so many new knowledges coming in, people are free to think for themselves.

Buddhism never stops you from thinking for yourself, but whatever is thought must be in line with the Dhamma.

[00:13:22] Cheryl: I’m just thinking about this question because a lot of it depends on our own independent investigation of what the Buddha said, right? The suttas. But as beginners, sometimes the suttas can be very difficult to understand.

 We’re a blank slate in that sense.

[00:13:41] Uncle Vijaya: Yes. Okay. The Buddha has an answer for that. He says his Dhamma is very deep, but it is like stepping into the ocean.

When you are on the beach, only your toes get wet, but the deeper you go, it becomes more and more complex. So, start with the basics. Start with the basic, which is the Four Noble Truths. Take as much as you can, for which you need competent teachers. Now, teachers can be those who are part of the tradition, all our Sangha community.

Lay Buddhist speakers and so on on the one hand, all right. Then of course we have the advantage of the internet. We have the technology, so we can use that as well. Take it a little bit at a time, don’t jump into the deep end of the pool. Like the Buddha says, first get your toes wet, then get your knees wet.

Don’t go and jump into the pool and say, tomorrow I want to be an Arahant. It is a gradual path. So, to answer your question, look for teachers who will take you by the hand. My own teacher was Venerable Narada, all right? And then, of course, the late Chief.

And they didn’t teach me about Abhidhamma at the beginning. They taught me how to be a good Buddhist on a day to day basis. I was comfortable with that. I didn’t need to go jump into meditation and all. And as I went along, I went deeper, so that way you don’t get frustrated. A lot of people jump in with too high expectations, and then they give up and blame Buddhism for it.

Buddhism is not to blame. Our approach is the one. So, we always are advised to look for competent teachers. And we are so lucky in this day and age, an unbroken chain from the time of the Saṅgīti Sutta (DN 33) to now, we have teachers who are able to help us to follow, to understand. But we must develop the humility and the patience to say it’s a gradual cannot happen overnight.

Some people are lucky. They are prepared, like in the sutras we hear of people gaining instant Arahanthood. Why? Because it has all been developed in past lives. So like Venerable Assaji tells Venerable Sariputta, just one line and Venerable Sariputta got enlightened. But we have to wait.

[00:16:43] Cheryl: We have to develop our spiritual faculties now. So next time, hopefully someone tells us one line and we get it.

[00:16:48] Uncle Vijaya: Absolute. Little by little, we build them up, okay?

[00:16:53] Cheryl: Yes. And you touched upon the point of having good teachers are very, very important. So what are the qualities that we should look out for in good teachers?

[00:17:02] Uncle Vijaya: A good teacher.

First, their own behavior. How do they carry themselves? Does what they say match what they do. A lot of teachers have the aura so and their own path. It’s easy to see very soon you can see the hypocrite from the genuine. And they’re all around us. There are bogus monks everywhere and you can see. Just look on their wrist if there’s a rolex there then okay, that’s a good indicator. Don’t follow him when he tells you to renounce everything and follow him. So like the little things.

Yeah, be sharp. Be humble. Don’t necessarily say I know better than him. The Buddha says that many occasions especially in the Mahaparinibbana Sutta. The Buddha tells us that when you hear something don’t reject it outright. Don’t accept it outright. If that’s something in praise of the Buddha, don’t necessarily rejoice. Listen and put it against does this tally with what the Buddha said.

 Here, let me share with you this quote which I think is very beautiful. A very senior monk in Buddhist and Pali university in Sri Lanka shared this with us.

He quoted an article which appeared significantly in Sri Lanka about somebody telling us how to conduct ourselves. He says, if you are still a lay devotee, enjoy all the worldly pleasures your senses require you to do. And experience that they are not permanent. Now this guy is advising us that if you are still lay people, enjoy life, be hedonistic, you know the five senses.

Because if you don’t know, you don’t know what you’re giving up. When you get fed up, then you give up. Now, this monk is asking, even in today’s day and age, there are people claiming that this is Buddhism. We know that the Buddha has taught us to treat this thing as if it’s like a man whose beard is on fire. If his beard is on fire, he won’t wait to see the end of the fire to examine the scientific reasons for fire and so on.

He will put it out straight away. We are struck by the poison arrow of samsara. We cannot wait until tomorrow. We don’t have up to tomorrow. So you see, this is a good example of Adhamma.

What do we do? We put it against what the Buddha taught. We don’t throw it away and say, no, this is rubbish. Examine, does it make sense? Yeah, does it conform with what I have learned so far about what the Buddha has said? The Buddha says all is suffering. And he says that this suffering persists all the time. Everything is anicca. Anicca meaning everything is impermanent. So, this life now. It’s impermanent.

I cannot wait for tomorrow. I cannot wait. There is no tomorrow. It’s Akalika. It is transcending time. So when this guy says, have fun, enjoy life, and then when you are old, decide to become a Buddhist. No, this is Adhamma. And this monk shared this with us to make this point that even today it is so easy.

[00:21:00] Cheryl: And it’s so scary because it’s like half correct, half wrong, half correct in the sense that yes, we have to contemplate about impermanence.

[00:21:07] Uncle Vijaya: Absolutely. It is that half correct thing. But the Buddha says if we give in to our emotions and simply because we think it does not agree, that will cloud our thinking.

The Buddha says, don’t rejoice and don’t get angry. Calmly examine what this guy said and say, no, this is not the Dhamma. This is Adhamma. Dhamma is immediately.

 Your beard is burning, or you have been struck by a poison arrow, you don’t wait for tomorrow, right? So to answer this, I go back to the Buddha’s teaching and say, I cannot accept this.

So it is very difficult because especially today, with the commercialization of Buddhism through mindfulness training and all of that, it’s so easy for us to think that if we do all of this for material gain. See, there, whatever the Buddha taught was to lead us towards renunciation, to lead us towards giving up.

Here we are, how to make millions using mindfulness. I brought this up with Venerable Jayasaro and asked him, is it not wrong for them to use? He said, no, because mindfulness in itself is good. So if a person practices mindfulness, even if it is for the wrong reason, it is better than no mindfulness at all.

Get the point?

[00:22:56] Cheryl: I get the point, but I don’t really agree. If the person, let’s say, trains to become a sniper and uses mindfulness training to help them to kill more people, isn’t that wrong all the way?

[00:23:08] Uncle Vijaya: Yes, it is wrong all the way. It is definitely wrong. Hitler, for example, probably was very mindful, but he was wrong. We cannot approve. This is where the Buddha says, step back. Is this possible? This is not. But we have to admit that all over the world, people who go into mindfulness, whatever the reason, have become calm. So the immediate fallout from that is better calmness, maybe more patience.

And hopefully later he will step into the path, but that is better than allowing him to go into the way of, remember those days, the character training, they treat you as a doormat, and people are making lots of money, kill everybody, jump on the top, that kind of very bad teaching on materialism is sort of gone out of fashion today.

More people are into mindfulness. So maybe it’s a slow but better movement. Maybe we are getting more intelligent. Maybe we are getting slightly more wise.

[00:24:22] Cheryl: At least it’s a step in the right direction.

[00:24:24] Uncle Vijaya: A little step in the right direction.

[00:24:28] Cheryl: So what if we have friends who follow the guidance of wrong teachers? So meaning we think their teachers are wrong because of perhaps their ethical conduct or perhaps their teachings are a little bit fishy. How can we help them?

[00:24:47] Uncle Vijaya: We can help them first, go back to again what the Buddha advised. First thing is don’t reject them. Don’t condemn them. Don’t take an antagonistic view. Don’t pity them. Yeah, all of them. Don’t lose your respect for them. They are thinking wrong but you have to practice your Metta, Karuna, Mudita, Upekkha all the time. Always remember that whenever you want to go and condemn somebody you condemn yourself first because you have gone into anger and so on.

So first thing is develop a mind of Metta towards everybody. Follow the Buddha’s teaching. Take it, test it against what he had taught. Is this Dhamma? Is this not Adhamma? If it conforms with what the Buddha taught, accept it. If it does not, mindfully, carefully, without anger, explain to your friend, this is not Dhamma.

If he chooses, not to follow, like in the case of Devadatta, no matter what the Buddha did, he constantly went against the Buddha. If that is the case, then leave it. The Buddha left him alone. There was this other guy, Channa. Channa was very proud and Channa became a monk and he was impossible to control to the point that even the Buddha couldn’t control him.

He was so egoistic. The Buddha advised the monks to boycott. Boycott, not out of anger or whatever, but we can’t do anything with you, we better leave you alone. So that is the advice we are given. Don’t compromise ourselves. Don’t go into anger, condemnation.

People who are too enthusiastic about their religion. They want everybody to follow their way and they condemn anybody who doesn’t. Buddha says, no, don’t do that. Don’t compromise yourself. You must all the time be that lotus flower. If you can change, effect the change. A lot of people have trouble with convincing their parents. Good to go from wrong behavior to right behavior.

If you can, it’ll be good if you can change. But to fight and create more anger and hatred, that is not the Buddhist way. Patience, tolerance, understanding. So use those three as your guidelines. If possible, change people with wrong views. But if it is not possible, leave them.

[00:27:42] Cheryl: And sometimes the wisest thing is to actually walk away, because that is a form of understanding that any more effort that I try will just lead to unwholesome states to arise.

[00:27:53] Uncle Vijaya: For me, so before I throw, you know, filth, I must remember my hand will get dirty first. But that shouldn’t give rise to a sense of superiority. A lot of people we know saying, Oh, I am safe. Oh, I’m a good Buddhist. You know, I follow that guy is going to hell. That kind of superiority also is ego that we have to guard.

That’s more difficult to guard against. A lot of people take a very self righteous view. The Buddha constantly warns us, don’t be self righteous. You can help the person. More than being self-righteous you have to develop metta, karuna, more karuna, compassion for his wrong view. Metta, karuna, mudita.

Upekkha is that highest level. Don’t suffer with the suffering.

[00:28:54] Cheryl: And once people, let’s say, once people leave these wrong teachings, what I think can happen is they lose faith in Buddhism altogether because what they knew to be Buddhism is completely wrong. And if they find that out, they could be very lost. So how can we support them after they leave in that sense?

[00:29:17] Uncle Vijaya: Well, partly we can put it down to their own kind. They are not ready yet. Yeah, they may not be bad people. This is an important point to say. You have to see whatever goodness. There’s nobody who’s totally bad or totally wrong. All right, whatever good that he does, could eventually serve him in good stead to bring him along the right path.

Maybe this life, it went wrong. All right, hopefully next life he is born into a Buddhist family for whatever good he did, follow the right way, then he is safe. One way. Another way is to accept that not everybody can follow the path in the same way. So, support them to the extent that we can. Don’t make matters worse by being self righteous, as I said. By trying to change that person and creating more anger, more hatred. Maybe the better approach is to move, of course, radiating Metta, you know, behaving towards him with the same compassion, without a sense of superiority.

[00:30:33] Cheryl: Thanks so much for sharing and I’m just wondering if there’s anything that you have prepared that you want to share?

[00:30:38] Uncle Vijaya: I would like to share a lovely story. There was this monk, yeah, his name was Punna. Punna came to the Buddha one day and told the Buddha, Master, I want to go away to a very far away country and share my life with the people there.

But before I go, can you please give me a short teaching that I can use to meditate? So the Buddha gives him that short teaching, which is to do with the five senses. Whenever we use our five senses to attach to objects in the world, that leads to pain and suffering. The same five senses, when they attach, we do not connect, we disengage ourselves from this, that leads to happiness.

So that was a short teaching. Then the Buddha says where are you going? And Punna says, I’m going to a place called Sunaparanta. And Buddha said, you’re going to that place? That’s a very dangerous place. The people there are very unfriendly. What will you do if those people ridicule you?

If they ridicule me, he says, I am so happy they’re only ridiculing me, they do not hit me. And the Buddha said, what if they do hit me? Then he said, I will say, I’m so happy they only hit me with a stone, but they didn’t hit me with a stick. Then what if they hit you with a stick? Then I’ll say, they didn’t hit me with a knife.

And, what if they do hit me, then I’m glad they didn’t kill me. What if they do kill you? Then I will say, I’m very happy that I am waiting to leave this existence. I’m waiting to attain Nibbana. These people have helped me. So in all instances, I will maintain goodwill towards them. And the story goes that the Buddha said, now you are ready to go.

So I’ve said this because your question about how do we treat people who are antagonistic towards us. Always find something positive. Always develop your four Brahmaviharas. And the story goes that he did go, and he did meditate on what was told, he became an Arahant.

They came back and told the Buddha, Punna had died, he said, yes. It never bothered me, he didn’t ask me too many questions.

[00:33:32] Cheryl: Such a short yet profound teaching.

[00:33:34] Uncle Vijaya: There’s one I’d like to share with you I think this is relevant. The Buddha’s foster mother was Mahāpajāpatī Gotamī. You have been asking me how to tell right Dhamma and wrong Dhamma, okay? Well, Venerable Gotamī came to the Buddha and said, There are so many teachings. How do I tell the right Dhamma from the wrong Dhamma?

Your question. And the Buddha explained, of whatsoever teachings, Gotamī, thou can assure yourself thus. If I hear anything that makes me more angry or more happy,

conduce to passion, not to dispassion,

to bondage, not to detachment,

to increase of worldly gain, not to decrease of that,

to covetousness, not to frugality,

to discontent, not to content,

to company, not solitude,

to sluggishness, not energy,

to delight in evil, not delight in good. If any of these teachings lead in that direction,

of such teachings, you may with certainty affirm, Gotamī, this is not the norm. If any of these apply, then this is not what I taught.

This is not the discipline. But of whatsoever teachings you can assure yourself that they are the opposite of these things that I have told you, these teachings you may with certainty affirm, this is the norm. This is the discipline. Now, we can see in the world today, so many teachings, so many ways of behavior that is increasing so much anger, hatred, all in the name of religion, we can safely say, this is not what the Buddha taught. But if it teaches compassion, if it teaches sharing, if it teaches peace, solitude then this is what the Buddha taught. So it’s very basic, very simple, right? A lot of your questions you asked is answered by that.

[00:35:46] Cheryl: This is a beautiful checklist, right? That is offered by the Buddha.

[00:35:53] Uncle Vijaya: By the Buddha himself. So we don’t need to go anywhere else. We are constantly told, go back to the Nikayas. I have one more way of checking.

Do these ways of thinking appear in the Nikayas? I remember the one who said, enjoy your life so that you get fed up, then you give up. Now, is it in the Nikayas? No, there’s nothing in the Nikayas.

[00:36:19] Cheryl: And I’m well, I’m curious. What about within Buddhism? There’s so many different traditions.

Yeah. And they can be most of them are similar, but some can be quite different, especially in terms of the focus and the meditation techniques. And I tend to lean towards the conservative side, meaning if I found a tradition that I feel like, okay, that’s It helps me. I think that I am aligned with the teachings.

 And I believe this is the same for many people as well, where they say, don’t go and confuse yourself.

[00:36:51] Uncle Vijaya: Four Noble Truths. That’s all the Buddha teaches.

He kept saying that. I only teach one thing, suffering, the end of suffering. All that I’m here to do is to teach you to be happy. Now you want to find this by being happy, Go ahead. Does it make you happy? Gotami again. Yeah. Certainly I agree with you. I’m a Theravadin. I have accepted it.

I have a great deal of interest in what all the other traditions teach. I have found after so many years that all these great traditions all teach the same Four Noble Truths. The Buddha’s teaching is so comprehensive there are all these different methods to suit different personalities. Even the Buddha himself, he didn’t teach the same thing to everybody.

He saw people’s capacities. Intelligent people, he taught intelligent things. People who couldn’t understand, he just said, rub this white cloth… you can become enlightened, these traditions of Buddhism arose to suit different temperaments, but do they all lead to the ultimate truth?

Do they all lead to nirvana it does for those individuals? So be it. I have enough problems looking after my own salvation. I don’t even have time to worry about my grandchildren.

[00:38:36] Cheryl: Yeah. And then it goes back to the point that time is so limited. This human rebirth is so, so rare. Yes. What are we doing? Why waste our time being a busy-body.

[00:38:49] Uncle Vijaya: Exactly. You just follow the Four Noble Truths. Do good. Avoid evil. Purify the mind. It’s simple as that. All these Nikayas, all these, it’s good for the intelligent man.

But what the Buddha says that we don’t want all that, we don’t need all of that. We need the simple do good, five precepts, avoid evil, five ennoblers, purify the mind. Rid your mind of lobha (greed), dosa (aversion), moha (delusion). You’re free, but it’s very, very difficult. You know that story, don’t you?

About this guy, Bodhidharma. Bodhidharma is the great Indian saint who brought Buddhism to China and Japan. Anyway, on his way to China, he was stopped by a chief. When the chief caught hold of Venerable Bodhidharma, he said, teach me about Buddhism. Bodhidharma was going to go into a one hour talk. He said, no, I don’t have time for that. Just tell me in four lines. What does Buddhism teach? Very easy. Do good, avoid evil, purify the mind. This is the teaching of all the Buddhas. So the guy says, if that is all, then your Buddhism, any child of five can understand.

A child of five can understand, cannot practice. That is the point. Purify the mind. Do good, avoid evil. I think most of us can. Purify the mind to remove the anger, hatred, jealousy, all of this, you know, mess up the mind. Can we clarify that?

If, as he says to Gotami, if all these different traditions can help me purify the mind, your tradition may not help me purify my mind. My tradition, I’m comfortable. So I find the tradition that helps me best.

[00:41:04] Cheryl: Thank you so much for sharing. And I think with that, we can come to the end of this episode as well. I personally gained so much from Uncle Vijaya’s teachings where he puts things in such a simple way to understand, cuts through all the nonsense and go back to the Buddha’s teachings, check against what He mentioned or didn’t mention. From there with a clear mind, objective mind discern for ourselves whether whatever information that we gain can actually benefit us or not. Thank you to all our listeners who have come towards the end. And I hope you like this episode. Give us five stars and share this with your friends.

See you stay happy and wise.

Resources:

Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen

Editor and transcriber of this episode: 

Cheryl Cheah, Susara Ng, Ke Hui Tee

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Buddhism vs. Spirituality: When to Call Yourself A Buddhist? ft. Ray Choo (Director and Producer of Waking Up 2050)

Buddhism vs. Spirituality: When to Call Yourself A Buddhist? ft. Ray Choo (Director and Producer of Waking Up 2050)

Summary:

In our newest episode, we delve into the intricate journey of spiritual identity with our special guest, Ray Choo, director and producer of Waking Up 2050 🎬. From his personal experiences to the broader concepts of Buddhism, Ray sheds light on embracing the Buddhist identity as a commitment to the path of wisdom and compassion, and unravel the evolving perceptions of religion and spirituality in today’s world.

About the Speakers

👤 Ray Choo Hongrui was born and raised in Singapore. He studied Communications Design in Berlin, Germany, at HTW Berlin-University of Applied Sciences where he had the opportunity to try his hand at filmmaking and storytelling and experience a world where Buddhism, its meanings and functions are not established. The conversation in the West is just gaining momentum and presence. In trying to contribute to this dialogue, Ray redefined for himself what it means, to walk the path of Dharma. Through WAKING UP 2050, he met his teacher Lopen Pema Deki with whom he took his precepts and continues to study the Dharma. Ray currently works and resides in Berlin as a motion designer.

Key Takeaways:

The Journey of Embracing the Buddhist Identity

Ray’s narrative unveils the intricate journey of self-identification as a Buddhist. Despite being born into a Buddhist family, he embarked on a profound exploration of his spiritual identity. Through pivotal life events, including his father’s stroke and the sudden loss of a friend, Ray found himself grappling with the essence of Buddhism and its relevance in his life. His decision to formally take refuge in Buddhism was not merely a label but a commitment to a path of wisdom and compassion.

The Practicality of Buddhist Practice

The conversation emphasizes the practicality of Buddhist teachings in navigating life’s challenges. Ray vividly recounts instances where his newfound Buddhist perspective provided solace and guidance to those around him. From offering comfort to grieving friends to sharing insights on the grieving process, Ray illustrates how Buddhist principles transcend mere rituals, offering tangible support and wisdom in times of need. Buddhism, as Ray articulates, is not confined to temples or scriptures but is deeply embedded in the fabric of everyday life, offering practical tools for navigating its complexities.

Embracing the Journey with Openness

A recurring theme throughout the conversation is the importance of embracing the journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth with openness and humility. Kai Xin and Ray explore the nuances of spiritual identity, challenging conventional notions of labels and boxes. While acknowledging the significance of formal ceremonies like taking refuge, they also underscore the fluidity of spiritual exploration. Buddhism, as they affirm, is not a rigid structure but a dynamic path that evolves with each individual’s journey.

In essence, the conversation between Kai Xin and Ray Choo serves as a poignant reminder of the multifaceted nature of Buddhism and the profound impact it can have on one’s life. Beyond labels and rituals, Buddhism offers a transformative journey towards wisdom, compassion, and self-realization. As Ray eloquently concludes, it is not about reaching a destination but embracing the path with sincerity and an open heart.

Transcript:

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Kai Xin: All right. Today we have a very special guest on our Handful of Leaves podcast where we bring you practical Buddhist wisdom for a happier life. We have Ray with us whom I’ve met at THIS Buddhist Film Fest last year, 2023. He is the director and producer of Waking Up 2050. So welcome Ray to our podcast.

[00:00:21] Ray Choo: Thanks so much for having me. I’m so flattered and honored to be here that you want to hear my thoughts.

[00:00:27] Kai Xin: No, I mean, I feel honored to have you here. So what is Waking Up 2050?

[00:00:34] Ray Choo: Waking Up 2050 is a contemplation about Buddhism, its relevance in the hypothetical future, far future and the very present examined through perspectives of truth, kindness, and beauty.

[00:00:45] Kai Xin: In the film, you actually interviewed a few people to share their thoughts about what it means to be Buddhist, right? And it was interesting to me that after the film was screened, we had this post-dialogue and you said that it was only recently that you identified yourself as one. So I’m very curious as to what made you decide that I can call myself a Buddhist now?

[00:01:08] Ray Choo: If it only was like just waking up to be like, Oh, here I am. No. On paper, I was always Buddhist. But only two years ago I’ve taken refuge and committed myself in ceremony to this identity. The opportunity came up when, my teacher, Lopen Pema Deki, offered it to the Sangha. And thankfully I was in the right mindset to see the importance of it and say, okay, yes, I’ll do it. My parents, they’ll say that it’s just ritual. You don’t need to take refuge. It’s all superficial, superstitious. You just need to have it in your heart. What’s up, what’s with all the fuss, right? But for me, leading to that moment to see the significance and the gravity of taking refuge was a lifetime or maybe many lifetimes of experiences and events.

Quite often it is when life takes a difficult turn that you see where your mind is at. Yeah, some major events in my life made me feel ready at that moment. So in 2019, my father had a stroke and at that time I was still in Berlin. I think it was April Fool’s Day. I just started my first day at work and I had to get the first flight back. On the long way back home, I’ve never prayed so hard in my life. So much for a rational Buddhist, right? I was just praying to Guan Yin, Tara. And whether or not it was because of my prayers, my dad survived the stroke. I think it’s not a thing learned in a moment. It’s like a childhood of going to temples and at that moment it helped me, where logic and rationality have no place. You cannot do anything about it. Even then I didn’t officially call myself a Buddhist.

So, in 2021, a few years later… I don’t know if you’re familiar with the film John Wick. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s kind of like a wild caricature experience of samsara, you know? So at that time I just finished school and I was looking for a job and a friend said, Hey, there’s a gig for quick money. Do you want to come along and just show up? I said, okay, fine. I’ll show up. I had to show up to this crazy set. It was being a movie extra on the set. I was dressed up in crazy colorful clothes. You have crazy lighting and you have people fighting everywhere, beautiful bodies moving and Keanu Reeves not dying, whatever they do to him.

And one of the other extras there I’ve met. So it was like a nine-day shooting. She’s this young German girl. We got on really well. There’s a lot of waiting in between every take and you can start to talk. She’s just starting her school studies being a social worker and she’s a great dancer. She’s a passionate dancer. So this young, vibrant life, right. When the filming wrapped up, in a WhatsApp group, we were just going to meet at this bar. And then came this message, Hey, sorry guys, but Leila’s in hospital. but before we could even process, a few hours later, the boyfriend said, she’s gone. We hear about death, we know people die, but it’s the first time to have that loss in front of my eyes.

So it’s very harrowing, even thinking about it now after so many years. But then I thought, oh, okay, what can I do? I’m sort of Buddhist, what can I do to help? Even without formal training, you sort of know, okay, after death there’s this process, right? I was sort of perplexed. Do I go Namo Amitabha? Like, would she know? Because she’s just German, she’s atheist. Like how would it help? So at that point Pema Deki was already my teacher. So I was just very lucky to be able to just message her and say, hey, this happened, what can I do? So she guided me and… I think in that moment, it became clear to me that, we always talk about precious human life, right? It’s just words until you really see a young, precious human life just gone and you’re faced with your own mortality.

 So Lopen Pema Deki, she taught me how to help her as much as I can without the Buddhist context. And then a few months later, again, I was confronted with the passing of a dear friend and it’s different this time. He is someone who lived to 82. He lived a long life. He saw me as his own son. Again, I got hit with, okay, someone dear to me is leaving. What can I do? Again, he’s not Buddhist, right? But then, what’s comforting for me was that even when his family, his sons, they aren’t Buddhist, I was able to offer that prayer and offer sort of guidance in the process. Okay, here’s what I’ve learned, the next 7 days, theoretically, this is what happens. We should do this. We should offer our thoughts, remind him of his good deeds in his life.

Even in a very non-Buddhist way, like, there’s no mention of Avalokiteshvara or anything, it helped them. It helped me also to face death. It’s a huge process, right? And having that knowledge, having that skill, I was able to be calm, and also extend that calmness, maybe also not make the situation worse. There is a program of action. Like, okay, this happens, what can we do? I could offer this. So when the moment came from my teacher, I said, okay I would offer a refuge ceremony. In my heart it’s a definite yes. Because I see the necessity to commit myself to the training for my parents, for friends, for loved ones or other people. I want to be able to be skillful and to be able to provide support in those situations. And so yeah… sorry, that’s a really long answer.

[00:06:19] Kai Xin: No, it’s beautiful how things unfold. You were born a Buddhist like on paper. Same as I am. But innately you’re already having faith of this thing beyond ourselves, right? That prayers work, there’s some form of faith that divine intervention does work, and our sincerity in sending our good wishes to people. So you have all those things. And then what you saw was the divine messengers in the Buddhist context. We see old age, sickness and death. And you met two of those very, very upclose. And it got you to think like, wow, life is very transient.

So when the opportunity struck for you to formally commit, and I guess it’s also like an accountability ceremony, I can’t take this just as a joke. Sometimes I want to be a little bit better. Some days I want not to be so wholesome. It’s like, okay, I’m Buddhist. I’m walking a Buddhist path and there’s benefit, not just to ourselves, but to other people. And for you, it almost seemed like you were more motivated because committing to the training helps you to support the people around you.

[00:07:21] Ray Choo: Yeah, definitely. That’s definitely a pragmatic and practical aspect to it. Compassion and wisdom, they’re not fuzzy, fluffy ideas. They have a practical function. Even Buddhist rituals, we dismiss them very easily, we look down on them. But then, there are domains in life where rationality has its limits and in those intuitive and emotional parts of life, you need wisdom. You need to learn how to cope and use it constructively. I was just thankful that I had this Buddhist experience, even though it was maybe messy and not focused. But you know, when life puts obstacles in your face and even though it’s not clear yet, I do see the point of this goal. Yeah.

[00:08:05] Kai Xin: Yeah. It’s interesting because my path was a little bit different. So for you, you took the official ceremony in order to be like, okay, I’m a Buddhist now. Right. I’m committed. Yeah. There wasn’t really like a day where I feel like, okay, I am one. But I suppose the closest thing was when I went to the Buddhist center at a youth service and then we had to read the five precepts.

[00:08:29] Ray Choo: Right. Yeah.

[00:08:29] Kai Xin: And it felt like it’s not a commandment, but it’s kind of like an aspiration that, hey, you know, I’m going to try to refrain from all these not-so-wholesome acts. And there is power in reciting those because I need to be accountable to myself. And this is a constant reminder when I do it every week. Some people might feel like the formal ceremony of going to take refuge is not so important because I think that’s more prominent in some traditions, like the Tibetan and the Mahayana. For the Theravada tradition, maybe the more formal ceremony would be to don the robes and shave your head maybe temporarily or permanently, not sure. But while we don’t need this formal ceremony to say, okay, you’re a Buddhist now, it does have some form of symbolic meaning to help us practise and walk the path. But having said that also, it’s not to say like, okay, now I have the certificate or I’ve taken refuge. I can break the precepts and not practice virtue as well as concentration and wisdom. It’s like a constant thing. Sometimes we fall behind, sometimes we backslide and then we stand up again.

So I’m very curious about how do you define what a Buddhist or a good Buddhist is? Is it about like being able to pray or like when your friends are in need?

[00:09:49] Ray Choo: No, that’s just like the side effects. I think the main thing is commitment, not to an external divine being or some abstract idea, but you know, it’s like anything, right? Even doctors have to take vows. It’s really about taking responsibility to actually know that this is my path to walk and there’s no one else to blame. It’s my actions. It’s what I do from now on, right.

It’s in a way like growing up. I think in all aspects of life, the moment you take on responsibility, accountability, then you’re starting to grow up. Being Buddhist is not about, I just go to temple when things are fine or not fine. It’s all day, every day, it’s a cultivation.

And to answer your question of how do I define a Buddhist? I actually have to go and ask my teacher because I think we all know the standard definition of a Buddhist, right? Like someone who has taken refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Or someone who was born in a Buddhist country. So more like countries in Thailand, Bhutan, where Buddhism is the fabric of life. Or people who have the view, right?

But when you ask me this question there’s this big elephant in the room. What about people who, like me, as a kid, I just go to the temple without having this clear thought of, okay, I’m going to a temple for Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. I didn’t have that as a kid, but does that count? I actually had to consult my teacher and she said, short answer, yes. Because if you go to the temple, even to a Guanyin temple, there are Dharma texts there and Guanyin is also an embodiment of Buddha and noble Sangha, right? (Guan Yin is a) Bodhisattva, and she has a Buddha on the crown. And also the custodians, the people working at the temple, the Sangha, so the monastics there. So in a very subtle, basic level, yes, I think that still counts as Buddhist. but I think

[00:11:38] Kai Xin: And then what is the non basic level?

[00:11:40] Ray Choo: The non basic level, I think like for you and for me, when we decide to take on that responsibility, I think that brings us to another level where it’s more, for lack of a better word, more powerful. You’re more conscious of what you’re doing. It’s not so random anymore. You know, it’s a conscious effort. Like, I want to be a conscious agent of wisdom and compassion, right? I want to put this into my life.

[00:12:00] Kai Xin: We truly see the benefits of it as well, instead of just going with the motion of like the rites and the rituals without knowing what the meaning is. But it’s more of like the wisdom piece, which you mentioned quite a few times, right?

Like what is the ultimate goal? It’s to free ourselves from greed, hatred, and delusion. And how do we do that? Avoid evil, do good and purify the mind. So it is the path. The Buddha has laid out the Noble Eightfold Path and all Buddhas have taught the same thing. It’s like slowly erasing the delusion that we have, and then the sense of urgency and responsibility to practice becomes even more because we know that, I’m still subject to old age, sickness and death. And as long as I am still in the cycle of birth and death, I can’t be freed from this. So we know we’ve got things to do. Yeah. Like the Buddha has really given us the cure, right? We are considered as patients and he’s the doctor, why don’t we take his medicine, which is very, very effective.

[00:13:00] Ray Choo: And also by taking refuge, it’s not like a level-up. But it’s more like I’ve taken refuge and then I realized that there’s still so much more to learn. I think wherever any Buddhists are at it’s good to have moments of reflection and to check-in with yourself. Where am I now? Where’s my mind at now? Because that informs all your actions, your relationships with your parents, your friends.

[00:13:23] Kai Xin: Would you say that after you have gone through the formal ceremony, you’re a little bit different from before? Before you formally identify yourself as a Buddhist?

[00:13:32] Ray Choo: I’ve got three heads and six arms now.

[00:13:34] Kai Xin: More special abilities.

[00:13:39] Ray Choo: I can levitate. No. In some ways, nothing’s changed, I’m still me. But in many ways, I think it changed. I think my confidence of saying, yes, I’m a Buddhist, it also gave them the confidence to approach me when they come to a difficulty. I feel so lucky that I was able to be their support even if it’s not just solving their problems. With even the limited amount of Buddhist training I’ve had so far, and I was able to skillfully see, okay, what do they need in this moment? Do they just need someone to listen or it’s not necessarily solving their problems. Like when my colleague, their dog died, they didn’t know what to do. And they know that I’m Buddhist so they approached me and said, like, what do we do?

[00:14:18] Kai Xin: It brings comfort, right? Like being able to do something. Even though it’s not logical at all, like it’s not going to resurrect the pet or anything like that, but it has a very powerful effect.

[00:14:29] Ray Choo: Yeah, we shouldn’t underestimate the grieving process, dealing with death. We are so bad at goodbyes. We sort of like wish it away, there’s no goodbye. But I think it’s important to do a good goodbye.

I told him sort of about like the 49 days, about the seven days. Having this vague structure, it gave them a protocol to work on their grief, you know? I felt very, very lucky that I was able to provide that at that point. So there are these kind of benefits, being confident as to call yourself a Buddhist. You can apply yourself with more focus. You see a problem and you can go to the solution and not like guess what I can do.

[00:15:02] Kai Xin: I can resonate with that because I used to be very shy about this, like calling myself a Buddhist. I’m like, Oh, every weekend I go to the Buddhist center, I volunteer. Because it’s such an unfamiliar thing for a young adult to be doing. And I was afraid that I would weird people out.

[00:15:20] Ray Choo: Right. Yeah.

[00:15:21] Kai Xin: And the funny thing was when I started becoming more open and identifying myself as one and being okay with one. People come to me like, Hey, you know, I have this trouble, can you give me some suggestions. I think late last year, some of my primary school or secondary school friends, somehow we were connected on Instagram like many years ago. They saw me actively posting about Buddhist reflections. And then he asked me like, Hey, you know where can I learn more of this or I’d like to volunteer? And they were really sincere about it. So yeah, I thought it’s not a bad thing after all, because if people are searching, then you can be the source for them to share insights and wisdom or direct them to some better teachers.

Having that focus, which you mentioned is like, what do I use as a guide in my daily actions? What do I prioritize? Now it becomes very clear that, okay, in my day, are my activities to reduce greed, hatred, and delusion. Am I entangled in this world and getting distracted and intoxicated with my youth thinking that I have all the time in the world. And then I might still end up scrolling on social media and stuff. But then having that recollection to say, Hey, this is like Mara, the devil playing tricks on our mind. And then having that perseverance and knowing that, Hey, we’ve also got friends on the path with that same goal and same dedication and commitment. I can use them as an inspiration, then it becomes very motivating in some sense, rather than, like you say, very fuzzy, like, Oh, am I, am I not? Cause I know some people, they might not necessarily be very inclined to calling themselves a Buddhist, right? But yeah, I like Buddhist philosophy, so they might subscribe to different teachings.

So I’m not so sure on your thoughts about that. Do you think it’s absolutely important for one to at some point, consider themselves a Buddhist?

[00:17:12] Ray Choo: If it motivates them to take refuge and behave like a Buddhist. If that motivates them to do it, then yes. Then identify to your heart’s content. You’re committing to being a good human being in a skillful Buddhist way, and there’s nothing shameful about it. But I totally understand, you know, I grew up in Singapore as well, and I know till today there’s this huge cultural and social taboo. Like you don’t speak up about religion, right? Even some of my dear friends, very dear friends, I told them, Hey I’ve made a documentary about Buddhism. Here’s the link. Till today they have not seen it, you know, ’cause it’s religion.

So, I absolutely get the hesitance to be open about it that way. But as a Buddhist now, of course I’d be skillful. You have to see what’s the context. But I think in Europe, I’m kind of lucky in the sense that Buddhism has a good rep in a way. They see it as something more progressive and scientific. So there’s no baggage, so that’s lucky for me. But I do see the difficulties in the Asian context, in Singapore. When I took refuge, even my mom, her first reaction was, Oh, are you joining a cult?

[00:18:14] Kai Xin: Oh, interesting. But she was the one who brought you to temples, right?

[00:18:18] Ray Choo: That’s a strange thing, right? I think that’s a strange thing. In Singapore, we see temples, we see statues, but again, it’s familiar, but very foreign. Just because of this taboo thing, we don’t talk about it. It’s like Harry Potter and Voldemort, right? Like, he who shall not be named, we don’t talk about it. And I think with time, you sort of lose that connection to what it’s actually meant for, the functions and its meaning, its purpose. I think that’s also why young adults lose interest in Buddhism, right? Because it’s sort of in your face, but I don’t really know what it is, so I reject it because I don’t understand it. It’s purpose, it’s place in my life sort of got pushed into a very private thing. And what do we do in our private lives? We go to shopping malls and whatever we do.

So it’s very neglected. And I think that’s part of the development of modernization, right? You have the separation of secularity where religion or faith gets boxed into a very private thing. In terms of practicing Buddhism, for example, you lose connection to this tradition, I think.

[00:19:18] Kai Xin: What if someone says that, I can call myself spiritual rather than identifying with any religion because as a spiritual person, I mean, the definition is to seek out for the truth, right? It’s pretty much quite similar. You believe that there’s something beyond the self and you want to improve your own wellbeing and reach your fullest potential, et cetera. Then, would it be okay to call myself spiritual rather than religious or Buddhist?

[00:19:44] Ray Choo: Well, in the Buddhist point of view, anything’s okay. As long as, it puts you in the right view and right motivation. But, when I was younger, I was one of those people that said, Oh, I’m spiritual, I’m not religious. But I think it’s somehow a complicated thing as well. I found this out when I was doing research for the documentary. We have to be aware that they’re very modern terms. This split from religion and spirituality, it’s an academic split that came from the 90s.

[00:20:14] Kai Xin: Oh, so recent?

[00:20:15] Ray Choo: Yeah, very recent. Because they’ve been trying to define religion for many years. And then there’s this split where religion is something pertaining to God, right? It’s something that the worshiper worships externally to a higher being. And spirituality, which is I guess the rest. It includes Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, where it’s about the individual inward looking to find the sacred within. So that’s the definition of these two. And just briefly about religion. I think for any Buddhist or anyone interested in religion, there’s this scholar called Karen Armstrong, very erudite, very eloquent scholar. She wrote, there are many kinds of definitions about religion, right? And I think she put it in a very succinct way.

Religion is an art. You know, religion and scriptures, it’s an art. But art doesn’t mean that it’s not true. It doesn’t mean that it’s just fluff. Karen Armstrong, she says, in the pre-modern world, before modernity, there are two sort of ways of thinking. You have the mythological way and the logical way, Logos. Logos is where science is really good at, rationality, measurements, description of reality. But you have also mythos. I think some academics also try to remove it, but you really can’t. This superstition or emotional, irrational part of the human consciousness. That’s why we have so many legends, so many myths, right?

That’s like pre-modern psychology. And so we have to recognize that. The term for religion as a concept, as a modern invention, it started late 17th century, 18th century. So if you look in Greek or Latin, there’s no equivalent for the word religion. Like maybe Latin credo is I believe, but originally it’s called cordo, so to give your heart to something. So religion was never really about proclaiming I believe in whatever. It’s about giving your heart, committing to something. So this commitment, this action. Karen Armstrong defined it as a program of action. Religion, spirituality, it’s something that you work at. So it’s a practice. And I think we have to recognize that. And I think back in my youth when I was saying, Oh, I’m spiritual. I think it came from also the idea that… so we’ve got actual definitions, right? But I think back then I didn’t notice those definitions. And for me, and I think for many people, religion is something about control and it’s something backward and spirituality is like I get to decide what I want.

[00:22:46] Kai Xin: Yeah it feels more fluid. Cause religion kind of puts you in a box, right? It feels like you have to be obligated to do certain rituals, abide by the rules. And then it can be quite suffocating for some people, especially the younger generations who like to rebel and own their personality, like activism and rights and all of these, like a freedom of expression.

[00:23:07] Ray Choo: That’s kind of funny. But in a way, instead of I reject that box, I put myself in another box, spirituality.

[00:23:13] Kai Xin: That is true.

[00:23:15] Ray Choo: But I can definitely relate. I think everyone have had that stage in life where we went, let’s tear down the old and make something new, that notion we can all relate to. In the sense that the grass is always greener, right? I’ll adopt something different and call it my own. I guess it’s part of the consumer culture thing. We are so good at picking and choosing, I get to cherry pick. I decide what is useful for me, which is good in some sense, you work out what you need. But I think it’s easy to lose a sense of reverence for something that has thousands of years of human history and human lives working at it. Right? Who are we to just say, no, I can do better. I think it’s like arrogance of youth.

[00:23:52] Kai Xin: I don’t necessarily agree with that because the Buddha actually set out in search for the truth because he was like, yeah, there must be something better out there.

[00:24:00] Ray Choo: Yes, yes. He also set out in search for truth in terms of also rebelling against what he had. So this disruption is necessary. Well, at least the way I did when I was younger, like saying I’m spiritual, it is a disruption, but it’s not skillful. You know, it’s like…

[00:24:16] Kai Xin: I get what you mean.

[00:24:18] Ray Choo: I rejected, but I don’t do anything, I don’t have a good alternative to it you know. Instead I’m just at the doors and looking for other doors. That was the state I was in.

[00:24:29] Kai Xin: Right? Yeah. Thanks for clarifying that because I know some people also do see Buddhism as like a religion. And some people say like, no, it’s not a religion because we don’t believe in like the ultimate creator. And it’s really more of like a practice, an inner journey, an inner search. But then we do have rituals as a means to help us kind of still our mind and also cultivate wisdom. So I would say you’re right to say that sometimes when we put ourself in a box, it becomes problematic because there are just certain things that goes beyond logic and you can’t really use all these conventions and words to describe. But the focus is the same, right? You mentioned commitment many times. Like what makes us Buddhists or why is it important for us to call ourselves Buddhists? It’s only when it motivates us to act like one, which is do good, avoid evil, and purify the mind. And the benefit of that is you get a better life and people around you also get a better life because you are an improved version of yourself, like 2.0 or 3.0.

[00:25:32] Ray Choo: Yeah. So you can also argue that, Buddhism itself is a box. But this box is a beautiful box. It has a very beautiful destination, you know? Like provisionally it’s as helpful. Like anything, like any label. Labels are labels, but if that label helps you to be a better Buddhist, to be a better person, then by all means, right? If it opens up wisdom, if it makes you be wiser, kinder, then it is helpful and it is skillful. Yeah.

[00:26:00] Kai Xin: Yeah. And they also say to cross to the other shore, which is to attain Nibbana, ultimately, we also have to let go of that box or like the raft.

[00:26:08] Ray Choo: Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

[00:26:09] Kai Xin: Right. The very fetter that binds us to the cycle of birth and death is wanting to become or not wanting to become. And that form of self, like I am, this is mine. Sometimes it feels like a paradox, but it’s also very beautiful because it’s exactly that, that the journey of the practice evolves. So from not having a label to finding importance of identifying with a label and then seeing the benefits and then slowly letting that go. Yeah. And it’s not a linear thing.

[00:26:40] Ray Choo: No, exactly not. I think that’s also the thing about the modern mind, right? We’d like to see everything from point A to B, or just have things very simplified, or in bullet form. But, you know, I think Buddhism sort of speaks to people, because we’re all at different levels, right? And we always talk about how the Buddha has 84,000 methods because we are all at different stages of our mind, and we all have different needs.

[00:27:04] Kai Xin: So it’s not linear and everyone has a very different path, but the conventional destination is the same, which is to be free. So I hope this episode and this conversation does bring our audience some clarity and whether is it important to identify yourself as a Buddhist or not, it’s really up to you. Do you have any final advice for our listeners?

[00:27:28] Ray Choo: Yeah, I think for people who have hangups about taking refuge, I think there’s also this fear of commitment and fear of losing freedom. But, I think taking refuge, you have to ask yourself, how do you define freedom? Is watching Netflix your idea of freedom? And just investigate, find out what taking refuge actually means. For anyone who’s curious or interested in Buddhism, it’s fine to read books and stuff to gather knowledge. But I think ultimately it’s something you have to do. You have to walk it. You can learn, you can read all about swimming. But never touching water, then there’s a big disconnect, right? You have to jump into the pool and get wet, you know…

[00:28:03] Kai Xin: and you have to struggle first. Yeah. I know some people, they have the concept like, I can’t meditate, you know, my mind is restless. I can’t call myself a Buddhist. I’m not cut out for meditation or I still like to drink. I sometimes break the precepts. So nah, I can’t commit.

[00:28:17] Ray Choo: Yeah. And I think we have to remind ourselves that the Buddha didn’t just achieve all that in one lifetime, right? He spent many lifetimes, aeons, to get to that point. And we are all trying in our imperfect ways to follow his footsteps. My teacher always reminds us, just relax and do your best to just bring your mind back to what is important. All that elaboration, just drop it. Just focus.

[00:28:41] Kai Xin: Yeah, that’s very beautiful.

[00:28:43] Ray Choo: And I guess the final word for anyone who’s still wondering, just know that the time is now. And I wish I’ve done it earlier in life when I’m younger. I could memorize more things. There’s so much to learn now. I wish I could learn this when I’m in a younger mind. Yeah. So yeah, the time is now. If you’re wondering, if you’re curious, just take it.

[00:29:02] Kai Xin: Thank you for sharing. Very beautiful. So we covered a lot about what it means to be a Buddhist and the historic journey and transformation of how we came to be, how spirituality and religion became so prevalent as two words.

But it’s actually only very recently that these are kind of introduced to us from the academic standpoint. So that was interesting. And whether is it really important to call yourself a Buddhist? You the listeners can share with us in the comment section below. And thank you so much, Ray for sharing. For our listeners and audience, if you want to check out the documentary Waking Up 2050, can they find us online?

[00:29:43] Ray Choo: No, not yet. But I think soon there’ll be an opportunity to see it again online.

[00:29:47] Kai Xin: Okay, fantastic. And we’ll keep our audience posted.

[00:29:51] Ray Choo: Definitely.

[00:29:51] Kai Xin: All right. And until the next episode, may you stay happy and wise. Thank you.

[00:29:56] Ray Choo: Thank you.

Resources:

Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen

Editor and transcriber of this episode: 

Cheryl Cheah, Susara Ng, Ke Hui Tee

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Ep 38: Three Decades of Inspirational Buddhist Music ft. Imee Ooi (Singer, Composer, Producer)

Ep 38: Three Decades of Inspirational Buddhist Music ft. Imee Ooi (Singer, Composer, Producer)

About the Speaker

Imee Ooi is a Chinese-Malaysian record producer, composer, and singer who composes and arranges music for classic Buddhist chant, mantra, and dharani. She performs her compositions in Sanskrit, Pali, Tibetan, and Mandarin. In 1997 she founded a record label, I.M.M. Musicworks, to publish her music. She has released more than 50 albums (55 between 1998 and 2020). She has also composed and directed three highly acclaimed stage musicals: Siddhartha, Above Full Moon, and Princess Wen Cheng (aka Jewel of Tibet). More about Imee Ooi https://www.immmusic.com/imee-ooi

Transcript

[00:00:00] Cheryl:

Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast. My name is Cheryl and today we’re back with another episode. With me, I have Sister Imee. She is a wonderfully renowned Buddhist music composer. I am very excited today because I’m such a big fan of her. I have listened to so much of her music and it’s brought me through a lot, a lot of dark periods in my life. I will hand over the stage to her to introduce herself.

[00:00:25] Imee:

Hello, everybody. Hi, Cheryl. I’m Imee Ooi, 黄慧音. I’m a Buddhist musician, composer, and also a singer. You probably have heard some of my ancient work. When I say ancient, it’s more than 25 years. Like the Chant of Metta, the Heart Sutra, Prajna Paramita, and Om Mane Padme Hum to name a few. I would like to say good evening to everyone. Hope I’m sending Metta from Kuala Lumpur to all around the world.

[00:00:54] Cheryl:

Wow. It’s amazing. I think even as you’re sharing, I already feel so much Metta radiating from you.

[00:01:00] Imee:

Because you feel Metta inside you. So everybody who has a kind heart and promotes peace and harmony will naturally have it inside them, right?

[00:01:09] Cheryl:

Yes. We would love to understand a little bit more about your personal journey of how you became a Buddhist musician.

[00:01:17] Imee:

Well, this is not a plan. When I was young, people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was naturally thinking of becoming a music teacher, or a piano teacher because my mother was a music teacher back then in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s. So we have a music school back in our hometown. All we sisters and brothers, we learned the piano. So until then, I never thought I could compose music or even sing. Of course, we sing at home when we play the piano. We do have a lot of fun evening family mini-concerts at home. Since then, we have been exposed to a lot of good music, especially Disney music, and musicals from cartoons. Also from the pop industry and also Christian songs, because once you love music, you tend to look for songs to sing. Yes. When we play piano, we are always playing classical music. Eventually, we also learned the electone organ. The Yamaha electone was very, very popular back then.

[00:02:22] Cheryl:

Is it the double-tier one?

[00:02:24] Imee:

Oh, yes. You have a rhythm box. Then you can have a flute. You have strings. Besides piano, you are also able to use other instruments and then you can make your simple arrangement. It’s a one-man band. It was so enjoyable for kids and teenagers like us back then in the seventies and eighties.

So back to the question. I stumbled upon writing a Buddhist Sutra. Actually, the first piece was the Sanskrit Heart Sutra, the Prajñāpāramitā given to me by a director. I think he was very into Buddhist studies in Sanskrit. He also noticed that there is a lot of good Christian music, you know, gospel music, but there isn’t much Buddhist music that you can sing or play in the house as background music. Most of our Buddhist music then was more for rituals or for ceremonies. So maybe more traditional. So then I was very happy when I saw the schedule. I have not even learned Sanskrit, but it’s not very difficult for us Malaysians or even Singaporeans. So we picked up Sanskrit very easily from, of course, a good teacher. Naturally, when I know how to pronounce all of them, I find that it is very challenging for me to compose a song. Since then I was just a teacher, but I always aspired to be a composer. So I thought, well, to be able to put musical notes, phrases, and melodies into such a long, foreign, ancient, sacred text, it is such an honor. So I did that. Then I sang as well, instead of looking for a singer, I sang myself and then it turned out quite well. The result was very, very pleasing to a lot of people’s ears. This was one of my very first Dhamma music. Even in those days before the internet was very widely used, it went all the way to China and even to Europe and so many places.

I think it’s the strength of the Sanghas and also the Buddhist disciples, Buddhist laymen, and laywomen, once they get hold of a nice Heart Sutra version, they want to spread it and share it. It’s like the nature of us Buddhist brothers and sisters. After that, one after another, The Chant of Metta, then the Heart Sutra in Mandarin, then Om Mane Padme Hum, all the mantras that you can think of from the main Bodhisattvas and the three Buddhas, Medicine Buddha, Amitabha, everything just came. From three lineages also, I get a lot of requests. So this is my journey and it is like no turning back until today since 1998, I think. Along that journey, I also got the opportunity to write for three very scale musicals, Siddhartha, and then Master Hongyi Above Full Moon, and also Princess Wencheng. This is all Buddhist history where I could present my dedication in musical notes, and this is my journey until now.

[00:05:25] Cheryl:

Thank you so much for sharing. And I’m also very, very curious, what drew you to Buddhism and what was your journey in Buddhism actually?

[00:05:34] Imee:

Okay, what drew me into Buddhism, actually, it’s the music I wrote. Then I started to realize that, oh, I can actually practice Buddhism instead of just praying. During our young days, it was more like a culture. We just burn joss sticks, then certain festivals, then we have a lot of fruits and flowers to offer, but it never occurred in my mind that there is this deep philosophy or deep wisdom that is so practical to our daily life and even so useful for us to deal with all the negativities and emotions, love and hatred, everything. We could find the answer to ease ourselves from all these pains and suffering from this religion. So, well it changed my perspective of religion right away after I wrote the music. When the music is popular, you tend to meet a lot of Buddhist practitioners, then you meet a lot of monks and nuns. You open up to compassion mindfulness, giving, and patience, you name it, you know, all the good things in this one horizon that you always bump into these people. That’s where you can learn and ask your question in life.

[00:06:53] Cheryl:

Was there a particular time in your life when you felt the Buddhist teachings really helped you tremendously?

[00:07:01] Imee:

If you want to mention one is probably what has just happened this year. My parents, my mom, and my dad, passed away simultaneously within three weeks. First, my father caught COVID and then he went to the hospital and he came back but he never recovered because all his energy and his body had already been exhausted by the attack of his lungs and even his brain. So he passed on. And then my mom followed on three weeks later. My mom was sick with cancer, but she was still well, but I think because of this sadness of my father, then, you know, it just suddenly sped up everything. She also felt that, you know her meaning of life is different now.

And also because she practices Buddhism, she feels like she’s not afraid of releasing her body’s pain. She was in pain because she was in the last stage of cancer and she refused to go into any other treatment because she thought that she was already very old and there was no point in exhausting everybody’s energy. But of course, she went to a little treatment to make herself feel easier. Like when her lungs are filled with water, she has to drain it out. Those procedures that she has to do to make sure that she breathes properly. But I think she made up her mind. So what I saw in my mother’s bravery and her decision to let go just like that and let her body take its own course, was like a big awakening to me. Like, I’m going to tell my mom how we’re going to miss her and ask her to hang on and things like that.

There was this part that I think, well, am I going to be very selfish or I should just let my mom go, and maybe there’s another place? So I should release her as my mom, now she probably wants to be reborn as another being in another better place. She’s becoming an individual all over again. Our 缘分, our affinity as mother and daughter will come to an end very soon. The first five months of this in 2023 everything was very intensive, you can be very calm and poised in managing things, but deep inside you the night sinks in, everybody is asleep you feel like your mom and dad are walking towards the end of their life. There’s always this pain. You have to come to an acceptance that this is it. Time is up.

[00:09:20] Cheryl:

And what helped you through those moments of pain and perhaps loneliness as well?

[00:09:26] Imee:

Not so much loneliness because we were very busy then because we all stayed in the same place. So no loneliness. The sense of responsibility takes over. It’s like being the eldest in the home, not only do you have to make sure everything is in place, but you feel like sometimes we let other people suffer or we sort of take it for granted that people will do it or people can just figure it out, but when all the responsibility comes upon you, then you will notice that even this little, little things, a cup of tea in time or a little care just at the right moment is so important. So I think the sense of responsibility took over my whole head and body. I don’t feel anything. There wasn’t any pain except when I wanted to sleep in, and there would be this split second when the reality sank in. But other than that, it’s like you are just living in the moment. You take care of everything, minute by minute, hour by hour, you have to sort it out. You become so selfless. I realized that I don’t think of myself, whether I’m tired or I’m busy or I have not eaten or I have not bathed. All these things when it falls in place, it is there. If it is not there, there are always other things that are more important.

[00:10:44] Cheryl:

I recently watched a movie about people, the last moments of their deaths, and their loved ones just being around them. And there was this quote that really stuck with me. And he was saying that because our parents have a body, they have to pass away, but love doesn’t have a body. So love will always continue to live on, even though the parents, ‘ physical form has gone away.

[00:11:09] Imee:

Yeah, of course, but the more important thing is, what are you going to do with this love for your parents? It’s not just in loving memory, or you just remember them during an anniversary, or just the rituals, or you just look at the pictures and then you talk about the past. If you think there’s so much love that’s passed on, it’s important to continue the legacy of your parents, the good attitudes and habits of your parents. I am not a very romantic person or emotional person. I will write all the beautiful words in memory of my mom, but I am not so much into that, what did my father and mother leave behind that I can use to grow into a better person and let them be proud of me as a daughter, and also what I can do for them to the society. Recently, I posted about an article I wrote in remembrance of my parents and I was thinking, what can I give with this story besides my words? I also shot a lot of my mom’s paintings, about 8 to 10 of them and I post them together. I say this is what my mom painted for us and for a lot of my fans too. Now I’m putting it on Facebook. Whoever wants to download it, can use it.

So whenever I remember my parents, I will remember their virtues. Rather than the love that lives on. I think love doesn’t have to be measured. In fact, sometimes I think I don’t want to be so attached and keep thinking of the love. The love has to be spread out, and shared by many other people. So I want to think what did my father leave behind, his virtues? It could be like a physical thing. Like my mom, she left a lot of paintings. She left a lot of nice cooking recipes, she cooks so well. I think that I want to cook it every Chinese New Year for our family. These are simple things that you need to put into action rather than all the text and stickers and just words.

[00:13:06] Cheryl:

Yeah, in a way, it’s very tangible, right?

[00:13:09] Imee:

Tangible and people can use it or even taste it and touch it. Amazing. That’s the way I want to express it.

[00:13:18] Cheryl:

Thanks for the free-flow conversation. We go into a lot of these beautiful perspectives exploring our loved ones and the virtues that they leave behind that we can bring forward and express to the world as well. Moving back to maybe some of the questions related to your journey as a musician. I think you have been a musician for about 26 years.

[00:13:39] Imee:

Yes. As a Buddhist musician, but before that, in fact, since 18 years old, I was already teaching and writing some simple songs. I started very early. When I was 18, I had a batch of five to six students. They were like about five years younger than me. Now they already have families and they’re all doing very well in music too. So they’re all over the world. We still keep in touch. Even for some of my concerts, I will also ask them to help me do some arrangements.

[00:14:09] Cheryl:

If we zoom into your career as a Buddhist musician what were some of the challenges that you faced?

[00:14:18] Imee:

Okay. Many have. asked me about these challenges, but if I said none, it would sound very unbelievable. But there is a reason why I say there’s none because I never plan to succeed in a certain way or I will never think that I have to be doing so well and I need to be famous. So It’s very much living in the now. If you are only 30% good, but you do it wholeheartedly, then it is a hundred percent result of the moment. In Mandarin, I would say 每一次都是满分的因为我用完我的心. Heart Sutra says, 心无挂碍, 无挂碍故,无有恐怖. There’s no fear and there’s no challenges because I feel that in Buddhist text and this sacred text, there’s no way you can fix the best melody to it because these are boundless wisdom. Maybe in the future, there’ll be even more people coming to make it even better. So without any burden of like, what are the challenges? Because when you say there are challenges means you want to make it good, real good. But if you let go of all these whatever you do to the best, if it’s no good,  if it’s meant to fail, then let it fail. So I adopt that kind of mentality.

So in that case, I felt that the whole journey of production was very smooth. Even when I record singing, I don’t want to have so much fuss about it, I got to rest, I got to drink some honey, or I got to meditate. But I think I want to be just a normal person, but the sense of responsibility is like, I still have to take care of so many other things, cannot be let letting other people give me the convenience and then they suffer and they got to run all over to do things just because they want to give me a good condition to record my so-called very important sacred song of Guan Yin. But if you are Guan Yin, you should be helping other people, you have no condition. With that kind of little understanding or enlightening wisdom that I adopted, I found that I have no challenges. There was not once that, I thought that it gave me a lot of stress that I wanted to throw away, and then I still couldn’t get the right note. I’ve done enough for it. Okay. Because I got so many requests, I cannot be mulling on one for a long, long time. So if that one doesn’t work, let’s say I only have five people liking it instead of 500 or 5, 000 people, then so be it. So it’s like 佛说:只能要渡一个有缘人就够了.

I think if you ask for challenges there’s not much. Also, I don’t know what will be the benchmark of good Buddhist music. There is none. I think this is a very universal thing that each and every piece of Buddhist music that goes out, will naturally find a listener who can embrace it and use it for their own healing, calming themselves or even feeling joyful about it.

[00:17:14] Cheryl:

I think it’s so inspiring because the music that you create really goes right into people’s hearts and speaking from my own experience, I feel that it just goes into my hardware. That melting kind of experience where my anxiety just melts away. Perhaps the reason is that when you create this music, there’s no attachment, no expectations. So it flows through to the listeners as well.

[00:17:39] Imee:

I feel that the reason why my music can penetrate well, perhaps it’s because I never thought so. It’s like every one of the volunteers, everybody holds their position and they have their responsibility in every corner of this world. So I think my part is perhaps because people like my voice and it happened that my voice and my composition and my music arrangement seem to blend well as a whole. I’m blessed.

[00:18:09] Cheryl:

Has there been a time when you felt that maybe this fame is a little bit too much or anything like that?

[00:18:18] Imee:

No, no. In fact, I need more because it’s very difficult. This so-called fame and celebrity status, if there’s one even exists. Over the years people have heard my music, but don’t really know who is behind this because I never show my face in my album most of the time. Only in 2015 when I had my first concert, that people know this is what Imee looks like. In fact, I think I can do with more because I didn’t misuse it.

So I don’t mind more fame because I’m very confident and I’m very stable in the ego part, maybe, I’m stable. And also because of my age, I’m not like a young person anymore. I’m not guaranteeing, I don’t know, maybe five years down the road, suddenly I become somebody very snobbish. Then you better give me a big knock on the head. So in that sense, I think we can do with more because I think we need more people to listen to Buddhist music because young Buddhists are declining in numbers. And more and more people not coming into the monastery or Buddhist centres. But I’m not very worried about that. It’s just a matter of time before we change ways. Maybe we just use other ways. We should open more windows and doors.

Back to whether this pressured me, no, I think I can do with more fame and publicity so that the music can go further. In fact, until now, a lot of people who have heard of my music, don’t know I’m in Malaysia. They thought that I was from China, Taiwan, or somewhere. They don’t even know the people behind the music, but I’m happy. I think in Buddhist music, it’s not like pop music. People want to know who is the singer, like Taylor Swift or BTS. But in Buddhist music, it’s not. People just want to listen to the mantra. It’s the sound by itself. It’s the vibration. Not many people care like who is the composer? The credit doesn’t matter much. So I think if I want to inspire more young talents who want to come to this, you must be prepared for this. You might not be well-known. Your name might not be known, but are you willing to put up with this, that is not for yourself, fame, or celebrity status?

Actually, everything is in the Dhamma as I learned. Obviously, I want to practice what I have learned. When I started 30 years ago, I was already 30 years old. So it’s not like you’re still mentally not very mature. Maybe it’s also my character and also my mom and dad’s education. We were always trying to be humble and helpful to other people. So I think this also helps. So I can’t tell you one reason why I’m not carried away. Although I enjoy the limelight, of course, I enjoy the limelight, when you stand on stage and being recognized. It’s not because I’m famous, I’ve got a very good voice or I’m pretty, but it’s that kind of satisfaction. Just like a Sangha, when you give a sermon and a lot of people use it in their daily life, or you give a retreat and these people come back to tell you it’s so, so usable.  The Dalai Lama is very famous. Mm. Thich Nhat Hanh is very famous. Venerable Hsing Yun is very famous. They are the model that I want to follow. Eventually, whether I’m ordained or not, I want to be the next example of what they are. Just give up whatever they can do for the Dhamma.

[00:21:46] Cheryl:

Wow. That’s so beautiful. Some of our subscribers, actually asked what gave you inspiration for the music.

[00:21:54] Imee:

Just the text itself. I was always saying, what more can be more inspiring than the Dhamma itself? So I don’t want to source from outside. Since I take it as a responsibility, it’s my work. How am I going to present this mantra or sutra? So the mantra of the sutra has to be the one that inspires me because that is the thing that I need to reach out to many people. So how am I going to relate it and present it in my own way?

And the thought of sharing it with more people. When I wrote the Heart Sutra in Mandarin, it went on to Taiwan and it was one of the best sales of the record company. And the 大悲咒, the Great Compassion Mantra. But eventually when the famous singer 齐豫, she was singing pop all these years and then she wanted to sing Buddhist music. For her first album, she asked for my copyright for two of my songs. One of them is 心经 (Heart Sutra). So I was very happy because she has got millions of fans all over the world. Her effort of singing Heart Sutra will reach out to more. That’s why coming back to your question here, the inspiration should be based on how far it can reach out to people. The gem is right in front of you that you need to deliver out.

[00:23:15] Cheryl:

The gem in itself is already shining.

[00:23:17] Imee:

Yeah. So brightly. It’s right in front of you. You want to create a tool to present it. It’s not like you have to find something nice in your life, some environment, nothing. Nothing is as important as just carrying out this mission of yours. Yeah. So, I put myself in a different position, it is quite different when you want to write a pop song and when you want to write a love song. Perhaps the thing itself, it’s emotional. I say it is 梦幻泡影 (illusionary). Then you’ve got to go and find somewhere that makes you even more emotional. But whatever you have the text of the Dhamma right in front of you is the truth. So the truth is just one. So there’s no other way to support it. Other than you just have to focus and do your best.

[00:24:10] Cheryl:

Yeah. Can you share a story that you remember of the most profound impact that your music has had on someone?

[00:24:17] Imee:

Wow. Okay. Before Facebook, all the so-called sharing of experiences, listening to my music, like the impact that you’re talking about has to be either from email or a letter with a stamp on it, sent all the way from Germany, from Italy, from Argentina, from China, right to my mailbox. After the 9/11 incident, I got an email from an American. He’s a jazz musician and a veteran, and he works in a church near the World Trade Center. The church was open to injured people and even dead people. He told me that the church actually used one of my Buddhist music because they realized that the people who came to look for help might not be just Christians or Catholics. It can be people from all faiths. So they played one of the Sutras. I think it’s the Ratana Sutra. He said he didn’t know anything about Pali. I think he went to search for my music and then he went to Chinatown and coincidentally, he heard my Heart Sutra in Mandarin. He said, what is this 揭諦!揭諦!波羅揭諦!(Sanskrit: Gate, gate Pāragate)? It sounds very ancient to him.

He then deduced that what he heard in Chinatown and this Ratana Sutta were sung by the same person, the same voice. So he said, Hey, I got to look for this lady. Who is she? He thinks that my music has some kind of, in his words, magical power that you can just absorb and get healed immediately. So yeah, he said, many people actually listened to the Ratana Sutta. During, I think a mass prayer, they just play their hymns, then they play my Buddhist song. Eventually, we became good friends. We share a lot and he also practiced a lot of Dhamma things, although he’s a Catholic. He also shared with me a lot of experience being a jazz musician in America who is quite well known. Of course, he shared with me what happened in the church when they played this song too.

[00:26:05] Cheryl:

So can you share a few?

[00:26:06] Imee:

Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but free-thinkers who, after they listened to the music, started to learn Buddhism, in Mandarin we say 渡到的人. Or people who have converted from Christianity to Buddhism, or they’ve embraced both because they think that these two religion does not really clash. They share the same universal love. So a lot of these inspiring stories. But a lot of touching story has to do with the parting of your loved ones, whether it’s death or divorce. So human beings are often caught up in 爱恨情仇. It’s like passion, aversion, relationships, and negativity towards someone or an incident. I hope more people will focus less on this attachment, on these four elements that cause us a lot of suffering. I think one day you won’t even need music. If you can get over this, you don’t need anything to heal you anymore. You can self-heal because the root has been plucked away.

[00:27:07] Cheryl:

And when the root is plucked away, the grass won’t grow again.

[00:27:10] Imee:

Yes. Yes. At least we can just keep cleaning it, tone down this kind of attachment, and make life a little bit simpler.

[00:27:18] Cheryl:

And I think that’s why the Buddhist teachings are so beautiful because it’s also helping us to uncover our highest potential, to clean it away, to pluck it away. And hopefully one day we can really uproot it forever.

[00:27:31] Imee:

Definitely.

[00:27:33] Cheryl:

We have a cheeky question from one of the people. They were asking, what will you be doing if you were not doing music?

[00:27:40] Imee:

Sleeping or eating? So you are cheeky? No, Auntie Imee will not let you be cheeky. Okay, let’s be serious about this. Yeah, I always I’m quite proud to say that I live like a monastic, although I’m not ordained. I don’t go out, go to cafes, go for a movie. Besides my concert, I don’t go out at night at all. Anything that I need to go out and socialize, has got to do with my Buddhist work. Either we have a discussion or I need to be there to attend a ceremony or whatever. But talking about ceremonies, I don’t even attend weddings, anniversaries, or happy occasions. I only go to funerals. It’s like my choice. I can enjoy anything. I can enjoy a nice birthday party too. But I feel that in my life, I need to have my selection of what I do since I have too much to do with my Buddhist music and also some other work that is related to it, to build this music monastery that I aspire to have eventually. You don’t have to be physical, that’s a building. But if I have a building, as we call it a “music monastery”, this is where I can maybe share and teach more people. Like-minded people can come together. Maybe the Dhamma work through performing arts, music and dance will flourish even faster.

I feel that now I’m close to 60 next year and I don’t know how much time do I have to achieve this. By trying to do as much as I can, I have to sacrifice a lot of things. So I don’t do anything else, but eat, sleep, and do my music. And of course, concerts. Just the necessary things, but I don’t go out. I don’t have even holiday plans to go visit a country. The only holiday I’ve ever gone on with my family was to Singapore and that is also to visit relatives. I’ve gone to many places but it’s because of my concert or related to my Buddhist work. There was not one that was just a pure holiday until today. Yeah. Wow. It just came naturally. It’s not something that I planned, but I think it’s like the work and the cause of events that just spin off year after year and lead me to where I am today. I’m quite happy with this.

[00:29:56] Cheryl:

Yeah. I wish you all the best with the Buddhist Music Monastery.

[00:30:00] Imee:

Thank you.

[00:30:01] Cheryl:

This is so cool. I’ve never heard of Buddhist Music Monastery before.

[00:30:04] Imee:

Don’t you think it’s so cool, right? All the people there, either you sing or you dance or you’re a composer or you are a lyricist, or you are researching somewhere. It’s so beautiful, this place where we can live together. Because I think with more people living it together every day, I think the whole process and the achievement will be by folds.

[00:30:26] Cheryl:

On a similar note, but also not, not too similar. I think this is a very interesting question on the idea that people pirate Buddhist music and books with the excuse that Dhamma is free of charge. Can you share your opinions or experiences?

[00:30:41] Imee:

I think there are two kinds of them. A lot of people actually don’t know they are copyrighted, but there are also people who know, that they’re copyrighted and they pirate them. But if they pirate for the use of Dhamma, not for monetary benefit, I think it’s okay. But it is also not okay if you come to think of it, eventually, no one wants to become a Buddhist musician or book writer because it doesn’t give them security anymore. It’s always a voluntary work. It doesn’t make sense from the modern world’s point of view. So how are you going to solve it? Because if you can do this professionally, wholeheartedly, and just do this and nothing else, I’m sure the quality of our work can be much better. That’s what the music monastery is all about.

When we have so many people we can put up good quality performances or good quality music. When there’s a market, then there’s a supply. That’s where there will be a balance. Then we can fit these people and they can use this as their livelihood and make it their profession. It’s going to be a very good thing, a very good future if we can build this up. Otherwise, now, the whole mentality is just like, this is only a part-time thing, how do you survive over this yourself? Oh, yeah. Maybe that’s the most challenging part. If you wanna ask me about this. It’s always financial. People think that with my celebrity status, I should be very rich, but it’s just the opposite. I’m not poor, but it’s so difficult for me to be able to handle so many things with just my own effort. I can’t take in sponsorship or offerings like the monastery because I’m not a monastery. So I’m trying to build this whole thing as a profession. But so far so good. I just thought it could be much better so that in the future, many people can choose this.

[00:32:31] Cheryl:

And I think this is also a problem that’s very prevalent in other aspects of the Buddhist scene as well. Even in temples, the running of it, most of it is all 乐捐 (voluntary donation), right? People donate and people who want to help are all on a voluntary basis as well. Then it results in a lot of attrition because the fully talented ones, have to go outside to earn a lot of money.

[00:32:51] Imee:

This is one big issue that I also see. Maybe most of this so-called donation or sponsorship or whatever should focus less on the hardware, like building the tallest Buddha or the building. But if you have so much space, we have to make sure that it’s fully utilized and it can generate self-sustaining work. But looks like it’s not the case now. A lot of the good people will not stay. You just cannot keep these people. I mean, I wonder why. Maybe the new generation. can put this into serious planning. The traditional way of doing things should still be preserved, but maybe we can have another option we can build a Buddhist environment for more people to come. The people who are serious about practicing and they want to learn, but they also want to contribute at the same time. They can also find a place where they can take care of their livelihood.

[00:33:48] Cheryl:

Yeah, because after all, everyone is still lay people. We still have to take care of the four requisites on our own.

[00:33:54] Imee:

You should let them feel comfortable, and take care of their needs first. Give them what they need first, instead of asking them to give you what they can give as a Buddhist. It’s the other way around.

[00:34:07] Cheryl:

Yeah, I’ve never thought of it in that way. It’s the other side.

[00:34:10] Imee:

Because whenever you walk in and say, Oh, what can I offer? You think of that first, right? You never say, what can you offer to me? You have to be brave to say that. If I walk into a Buddhist, I can do this. You have anything to offer to me, but we are always asked to offer the Buddha and the Triple Gem first. Of course, that is something that we obviously need to do, but can that be not to new people who want to embrace the Dhamma? This is quite difficult. We can try to understand it’s nothing wrong. It’s nothing wrong.

[00:34:41] Cheryl:

Yeah, with a Handful of Leaves, I think it’s interesting a lot of our volunteers, become volunteers because they feel that they have benefited a lot. Oh, the content reaches out to me, then I want to help. So it’s like you say the opposite, they receive before they give.

[00:34:57] Imee:

Yeah.

[00:34:58] Cheryl:

And I want to share with you some lovely notes that were given. This is from Gordon and he says that one of the foremost reasons that got me interested in Buddhism back then as a primary school kid, 12 years ago, was due to your melodious voice. So, thank you very much.

[00:35:19] Imee:

I’m happy to share. Yes, this is interesting if you ask me about the very significant impact. In fact, I’m very happy that as I traveled around all these years, I met a lot of monks and nuns who told me the same thing. They became monks and nuns, the first influence was my music. But I feel ashamed. 你们都出嫁了,我还在这混,还是个凡人 (you’ve all ordained but I’m still a layperson). So I always make this joke. Then they started laughing. 那欢迎! 您什么时候要加入我们的一家人?(When will you be ordaining? We welcome you to the family!). Many of them I actually keep in touch.

I also cannot say, all this effort is worth it. No, because I’m not like somebody so great. As a Buddhist musician, you shouldn’t say, oh 我这一生值得了,我做的东西能够渡那么多人. Because you should feel blessed that you should be able to participate in this sense. It humbles you that you are not always looking to see that whatever effort that you put in, whether it is mind or body, is worth your life or not. Your life is worth nothing if you don’t hit the Dhamma. If you don’t hit the Dhamma, you have wasted your whole life. Being born on earth 在人间, we should also bear in mind that this is very important.

[00:36:37] Cheryl:

Yeah, this is such a wonderful reminder because the opportunity to even be born as a human and to listen to the Dhamma is so rare.

[00:36:44] Imee:

Yes, so people always ask 我们在寻求人生的意义, what’s the purpose of life? Why am I here for? What is the truth of life? Who am I? I think all these questions no need to look because once you look means that you want to identify yourself as a person and your worth. But if you don’t go out and do something, you will never know your worth. You can start by sweeping the floor. You will slowly find your worth. The day you breathe your last breath, that’s the only time you know what is your purpose in life. I always think so. Not any moment in your life until your last breath. I think I will discourage people from looking for the purpose of life because I think whatever comes, the first responsibility, go do it first, then it will unfold the next page you will see.

Because a lot of people feel very stressed, like everything they do also, they feel that it’s not them. It’s not worth their life. It’s suffering, it’s torture. So I think you should just accept it as your karma. And then you will be happier that way that you will notice that time will be the medicine to heal you and the same time to open up the next page of your life. If you think that what is the purpose of life in search of the truth, then you probably will never get the answer. I think this is my perspective.

[00:38:05] Cheryl:

And whatever it is that we are doing, we do it with our full heart, whole heart and even it can be as simple as just sweeping the floor. It’s something that we can also do it.

[00:38:15] Imee:

Mindful. I think mindful is a good word. Mindful doesn’t mean you have to be always kind. You have to be always giving. Mindful just means you’re aware of your surroundings, aware of yourself being there, and aware of people around you, things around you, happening around you. It’s like your scanner, you’re always scanning yourself. But I think we should just put our radar open to a wider scope that you can scan through 360 degrees if not 270 degrees, or you open up 45 degrees. We talk about vibration. If we are one in the universe, we always say we are one. What is this oneness all about? We say, Oh, we are oneness. We are happening in one country, harmony. But what is that? What does that mean? How to get it started? So you can start with this, and open up your radar. Then you can scan things around you so that only you can become one, but if you’re not connected, you can’t even scan three feet away. So if you are not opening up your scope, I don’t think you can move on, if you just think, why am I here? You keep searching for happiness and truth, you will never do it.

[00:39:16] Cheryl:

Yeah, and it’s very brilliant. And one last one. They said, Dear Sister Imee Ooi, your chant showed me self-love and unconditional love for all beings. Relaxing in a chair, closing my eyes, and following this chant, sometimes brings tears to my eyes, experiencing the depth and boundlessness of this goodwill. I’ve been transformed from the inside out from the regular practice of metta with your chant. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[00:39:45] Imee:

Sadhu to you. Thank you very much for sharing. I wish everybody well and safe. Those days I always say wish you well and happy. Recently, I think I should take away the word happy because I think it’s overrated if you keep on having this place to reach or to find this in search of this thing, I notice it doesn’t work on a lot of people. In fact, you get more depressed because everything you look around you is not enough.

[00:40:14] Cheryl:

Because you have to get to somewhere to be happy. Yeah.

[00:40:16] Imee:

It’s like I’m entitled, is my entitlement. So how can I find my entitlement to happiness? You know? So if you are not mindful, or you do have not enough wisdom, or the environment is not conducive, you tend to go the other side. So I think we will say, May you be well and safe. I want to say safe because I think without this body if you’re sick. Death is not so scary. I think to me because I’m prepared for it. But sickness is like going through a period where your body just cannot wake up to your mind. So you still need your body to do a lot of things.

So I think I would rather wish people well and safe. So once you are safe from a lot of bad things around you or pain and sickness or disturbances, probably when you’re in a safe place, safe doesn’t mean that you lock yourself up all the time. Sometimes being safe is like you’ll be able to be in touch with so many out there and still feel secure. You’re in control of your doings.

[00:41:22] Cheryl:

We wish everyone, all our listeners to be well and safe. And I think that brings us to the end of this beautiful sharing from Sister Imee. And thanks so much for spending your time here with us.

[00:41:33] Imee:

You’re most welcome, Cheryl.

[00:41:35] Cheryl:

Thank you. And for everyone who likes our podcast, you can like it, subscribe to it on Spotify and you can check out Sister Imee’s work on YouTube, Spotify, and wherever else you find your music.

[00:41:46] Imee:

Thank you very much.

Resources:

Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei

Editor and transcriber of this episode: Cheryl Cheah, Susara Ng, Ke Hui Tee

Ep 35: Altered States: A Drug Addict’s Journey to Dhamma

Ep 35: Altered States: A Drug Addict’s Journey to Dhamma

Transcript

[00:00:00] Cheryl:

Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast. My name is Cheryl, and today we are back with another episode. I am here with Alvin, a friend who has experienced and struggled with drug addictions in the past. He’s here today to share a little bit more about his learnings, and his journey. He wanted to give back to society after seeing how the Dhamma really helped him in his journey.

[00:00:27] Alvin:

Hi, Cheryl. Hi, guys.

[00:00:29] Cheryl:

I’m very curious about how you started getting into drugs.

[00:00:34] Alvin:

So, an ex-friend actually introduced me to drugs. When we were in primary school, they told us to stay away from drugs, right? They told us we’d get hooked easily. I guess at that point, I was just curious. Oh, is it really true that a few puffs will really get us hooked? So I went ahead and tried it, which is a very bad idea.

[00:00:51] Cheryl:

Right. Curiosity killed the cat, but in this case, curiosity got you hooked. I see. And what happened after that?

[00:00:59] Alvin:

Your work, your health, your relationships friends, actually everything got affected. Because almost every moment I was thinking about drugs. In a way, deep down a part of me also feels guilty. I know this is wrong but, I just can’t help it. The addiction basically just takes over. To be honest, I broke all the precepts except for the first one, the killing of another human being.

Because I was using crystal meth, the whole time I was feeling like I was no different from an animal or maybe a ghost? Basically, I was always craving for drugs. It increases your sexual desire, you are impulsive, and you have frequent mood swings. Because I have a bit of anxiety, it actually increases the anxiety attacks.

[00:01:44] Cheryl:

I see. What was the turning point to get out of your addiction?

[00:01:48] Alvin:

I mean, I feel like I’m a being from the lower realm. When I look at my friends, I basically feel that something is actually wrong with me and I need to change. That is when I started to do my own research on the Dhamma and modern psychology to help myself get out of the addiction. Basically, abusers will glorify the highs you can get from the substance, and they don’t look at the negative effects on your mind and body.

I watched videos on human anatomy created by healthcare professionals, to watch what it does to your organs, your brain, everything. In that process, I listened to Dhamma teachings. I make the effort to go for meditation, sign up for retreats, speak to Bhantes, and share my problems with them. Going through all these Dhamma activities, I also made Dhamma friends. I also share my problems with them. All of them gave me advice and helped me.

And because of meditation, I looked inwards, and I realized that being in addiction, my behaviour, my thinking, everything was distorted. It’s really like beings from a lower realm.  I must just keep making the effort to replace negative habits with refined habits and negative thoughts with refined thoughts.

[00:03:00] Cheryl:

That is actually very similar to what the Buddha said of Right Effort and Right Intention. The Buddha shared that essentially when you have wholesome, skillful states of mind, you make the effort to make it more abundant. If it has not yet arisen, you also plant the seeds so that it will arise. Then on the other side if it’s unwholesome things, if it has not arisen, you try to make sure that it doesn’t arise. But if it has already arisen, you make the effort to cut it, abandon it, and don’t indulge too much in it. That sounded very similar to what you shared as well.

Just in reference to what you said about feeling like a being from the hungry ghost realm, I think it’s a perfect simile because they are usually depicted as creatures with scrawny necks, and small mouths, and their limbs are very thin and very emaciated. At the same time, they have very large, bloated, empty bellies. In the domain of addiction, when we constantly seek something outside ourselves to curb that insatiable yearning for happiness, relief, or fulfillment, we will always feel empty inside because these substances, these objects, these pursuits, we hope that it will help us to be happy, but it will never give us the happiness that we need. And we will haunt our lives without ever being fully present.

[00:04:27] Alvin:

Like beings of the lower realm, there’s no way we can create merits because our views are distorted. Even though we think that we are doing something virtuous, actually it’s not.

[00:04:37] Cheryl:

Can you share an example?

[00:04:38] Alvin:

I have a friend who introduced me to drugs. After every session, he will share some so-called TCM with fellow drug users to help them to relieve the symptoms. He thinks that he is actually doing something virtuous to help people, but actually, he’s not.

You can’t blame him, but indirectly he’s actually giving people the wrong idea that you can actually remove the toxins from drugs using TCM after you use them. But they didn’t know actually crystal meth affects your brain immediately when you take them. So what he’s doing is actually relieving the symptoms after the drugs which actually doesn’t help to remove the damage to the brain.

[00:05:13] Cheryl:

Interesting. So he himself probably has that wrong belief as well, that it’s the right thing. And he goes on to perpetuate that. And I think that is the danger of not having Right View, right? When you don’t have Right View, you firmly believe that what you’re doing is actually going to give you happiness and you follow it. The result of that is obviously suffering to yourself and suffering to others as well. These are very painful consequences. Were there any relapses in your journey to recovery?

[00:05:44] Alvin:

If let’s say after you stopped using for three months, you suddenly go and take a puff, it’s considered a lapse and not a relapse. A lapse is just a slip. I have a few lapses here and there. If I remember it’s around maybe three. After every lapse, I will feel extremely guilty. Oh no, I actually took a puff. I’m such a terrible person. I thought I made the motivation to stay clean. How could I do something like that? After feeling guilty, I have to maybe look back and see what causes the slip. Is there anything I missed out? Maybe some context I didn’t delete or maybe the triggers. So after every lapse, if you make the effort to learn from it, it will prevent the next lapse from happening. It’s basically like riding a bicycle. If you fall, you get up and then you continue riding. If you fall and you just give up, then you won’t be able to ride a bicycle.

[00:06:33] Cheryl:

But what gave you the motivation to come back up again? It’s so tiring, right? You are literally fighting a battle that is very hard to win because it has already affected your neural connections. So what gave you that strong drive?

[00:06:46] Alvin:

I relate to beings of the lower realm, right? If I don’t want to get out of the addiction, I’ll always be a being of a lower realm. I’ll always be stuck there and the worst thing is in this life and in my future life. So yeah, that gave me the motivation. Also because I did some meditation, I have to be mindful that actually I’m fighting the defilements. It’s the defilement that keeps pulling me back. I stick a note on my wall to remind myself that thoughts are thoughts, memories are memories. Just come back to your breath. So whenever thoughts try to trigger me to pick up the substance. I just remind myself that, that’s not me. That’s just my past habit. So after a while, usually after a few minutes, the thought will go away. So you just have to keep fighting it.

[00:07:32] Cheryl:

You have to endure it within the few minutes when it comes on strongly. Alvin, I must really say that I really admire how much wisdom you have. This wisdom of seeing things clearly in the sense of seeing the drawbacks of being in this lower realm. First, you compare yourself with your friends, you’re lagging behind because of this addiction. Second, realizing the drawbacks of how rare this human birth is, but at the same time being stuck in the lower realm, traps you into not being able to do any goodness, any merits. With that wisdom, that really pushes you through all the difficulties, even though there were lapses in your process of learning how to ride the bike.

The Buddha shared the second of the Eightfold Path, which is the idea of Right Intention. Being firm on this idea of renunciation, letting go of ill-will, keeping yourself in goodwill, keeping yourselves in loving kindness. Being firm and resolved on the idea of harmlessness to yourself as well as harmlessness to other people. This is called right resolve or right intention in which you set your mind firmly to move on into more wholesome activities, more wholesome bodily actions as well.

[00:08:50] Alvin:

I’d also like to add that every time I go for Dhamma activities, the Bhante or the Luang Por will make us retake the Five Precepts. So every time I retake the five precepts, it reinforces the motivation to stay away from all these substances. Every time I go to these Dhamma events, I see my Dhamma friends there. I shared with them my addiction and they are like my safety net. So every time I meet up with them, they will ask me, how are you? Indirectly, they will check in on me. I also made promises to Ajahn and Luang Por. Every time they see me, they’ll also ask me. It gives you the additional protection. It’s quite helpful. Maybe those who are actually struggling with addiction can apply it to themselves.

[00:09:29] Cheryl:

Thank you so much for sharing. You’re very, very lucky to have this supportive community of spiritual friends and more importantly, spiritual teachers that you respect. When you make aspirations in front of people that you respect highly, I think you’ll take that more seriously as well. Your defilements will be a bit scared of it as well. And what are the biggest changes in your Dhamma practice in these two and a half years?

[00:09:55] Alvin:

I will say that my mindfulness has increased. I have more opportunities to create merits, go on retreat, and do things that truly benefit myself and other sentient beings. It’s a big gain. I will use a simile right now, I feel like I’m a human being. And I’d kind of go further into maybe Deva?

[00:10:13] Cheryl:

For all our listeners who have not heard of this term, Deva usually refers to the higher beings. It could be something like deities, angels, or beings of the higher realm that are in a way superior to the human realm. And I guess that is also the path, right? In a way, we start off as puthujjanas, which means that we are not really wise, we break the precepts, and we are a bit heedless here and there. And then as we do more goodness, we start to practice generosity, then that’s where we become kalyanajanas, meaning good people or good beings. Then as we continue on the path and practice, cultivate, and purify our minds, hopefully, we can be Ariya-puggalas, which basically refers to noble beings where our minds are purified as far as possible from the grasping of greed, hatred, and delusions. And Alvin, I just wonder, are you happy now?

[00:11:10] Alvin:

Basically, in the past, every weekend, long weekend was the time when I met my friends for drugs. But right now, I have the time to listen to teachings and really spend time with my loved ones. I feel that really benefits myself and other sentient beings. The happiness is different from the happiness you get from drugs. Drug-induced pleasure is basically short-lived, just for that few hours you feel good, but after that when the effect wears off, everything starts crashing down. Whereas the happiness I feel from creating merits, listening to teachings could last for up to a few days. So every time I do something good on Sunday, I listen to a teaching, and attend Dhamma activities, every time I recollect that memory, it actually brings out happiness.

[00:11:51] Cheryl:  

It’s actually referring to merit arising. It’s the idea that when you perform meritorious deeds, you can constantly recollect to bring up joy in your mind as well. You can also recollect your merits in times of sadness or depression. You remember the good that you did and that joy can continue to sustain you. And this kind of joy is very different from the pleasures of drugs or even the pleasures of shopping. You go and shop or you’re going to eat good food after a while you’re like, I’m hungry again. I need the newest bag. I need another car. It’s unsustainable.

It’s very interesting because a lot of people don’t understand that this kind of craving is not sustainable and if you just look into material society, everyone is running around for the bigger paycheck, the next big thing to buy, the next thing to own. “Encircled by craving, people just hop around and around like a rabbit caught in a snare. Tied with all these fetters, all this attachment, you go on to suffer again and again for a long, long time.” (Dhammapada 342) And this is actually in one of the Suttas as well. Then the Buddha says, don’t be like that rabbit. “Anyone on the path should dispel that craving and should aspire to dispassion for this endless craving for oneself”. (Dhammapada 343)

What Buddhist teachings inspire you the most these days?

[00:13:17] Alvin:

I’d say the Four Noble Truths. From my own experience, I find the suffering of being addicted actually gives me the motivation to seek a path out of that suffering. In the process, when you look inward, you realize that the problem is not from the outside, but from the inside. So once we are able to fulfill our internal needs by looking inward and also relating to our own experience, then we realize that actually, the pleasures of the material world can only give us temporary happiness. It isn’t sustainable. Nowadays, I find that doing my meditation, it’s actually able to give me that happiness that material pleasures can’t fulfill.

[00:13:56] Cheryl:

I’m wondering what was it that you were craving that you hoped drugs were able to give you.

[00:14:03] Alvin:

It was the loneliness inside and also trying to find the quick and easy way out to fulfill the internal needs. Unfortunately, it could only make things worse.

[00:14:16] Cheryl:

Yeah, unfortunately, it just worsens and perpetuates your suffering, the very suffering that you wanted to run away from initially. Wow. That’s powerful. I’m very glad, that you also have the right conditions to go back to the Buddhist teachings. A lot of people, once they go into drugs as strong as crystal meth, it’s a one-way road down to deterioration and you’re able to still turn back.

[00:14:40] Alvin:

Yeah. Basically, that is also what I told myself because I keep asking myself, I have the condition, my life is actually good, and I don’t have any problems with my family, or my friends at work. Why am I doing this to destroy my own life? This gives me the motivation to want to stop the addiction. If you don’t have any meditation background, you can look for a teacher and learn meditation. When you start looking inward, you realize that we have the choice to change our future. So it’s actually really up to us. We can’t rely on external things to make us feel better.

[00:15:14] Cheryl:

You have to only rely on your own efforts, to persevere through and then you’re able to find inner happiness, but we’re also very lucky at the same time that we have the Buddha who taught the Dhamma and have a wonderful community of Sangha to show us how to practice well this path so that we only have to put in the effort to go through this practice.

And as you wrap up that chapter of your life, there were definitely some things that you have remorse for. How do you deal with that remorse and regrets of the past, the people that you’ve hurt, and perhaps even your loved ones?

[00:16:00] Alvin:

I just use the simile, it’s something that I did in my so-called past life. I can’t go back and change the past, but what I can do is I can change the present. So I just do well right now and I can create a better future for myself and the people around me.

[00:16:17] Cheryl:

Just focusing on the present. With the faith that what you’re doing in the present is good, the future will ripen with good seeds as well. In the Buddha’s time, there was this serial murderer, Angulimala who killed 99 people to get their fingers. Then the last one he wanted to kill was his mother. But the Buddha, out of his compassion, saw that Angulimala was going to do a very, very big offense. So he went there to try to stop Angulimala and Angulimala wanted to kill the Buddha instead. He’s like, huh? Okay. I don’t kill my mother. I kill the Buddha. But then of course the Buddha cannot be killed. So using his psychic powers he kind of floated away while Angulimala was trying to chase after him. Then after a while, Angulimala got really tired and he was like, Stop running, Buddha, please. I’m tired. Then the Buddha said, Oh, I have stopped for a long time.

In that passage, what he’s referring to is actually not about the running, it’s about the craving. He has stopped all these cravings for a very, very long time. Then of course, with the Buddha’s amazing ability to teach the Dhamma according to everyone’s conditionings, Angulimala became one of the Buddha’s disciples and eventually became an Arahant as well. He even made the blessing chant that after becoming the Buddha’s disciple, I had not killed anybody before. By the power of that truth, may this protect anyone who’s going through difficulties in giving birth or in labor. So it speaks to the potential of all of us regardless of what bad deeds we’ve done or whatever foolishness that we have committed in our past that there is hope to change ourselves as long as we put in the effort. As long as we are able to find the Dhamma which corrects our Right View and to walk on diligently, then we can attain to the Path.

And I guess addiction, there’s a lot of forms, right? Eating disorders, sexual addiction, porn, even video games, gambling, social media. What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with any form of addiction?

[00:18:30] Alvin:

I came across this quote that actually motivates me. Addiction is the only prison in the world where one holds the key. For someone who is in deep addiction, who wants to get out they might feel a bit helpless, it’s like, what do you mean I hold the key? It’s very difficult for me right now. Yeah. So actually I would encourage people to just get professional help if they really need it. It’s okay, it takes courage to admit that you have a problem. Get help if you really need it.

[00:18:56] Cheryl:

And I find it very interesting because, in your own journey of recovery, you actually didn’t seek professional help, right? You were kind of DIY, do it yourself. So it’s interesting that you gave the advice that it’s okay to look for help. Why do you give this advice?

[00:19:13] Alvin:

Although I didn’t get professional help, I did talk to Ajahn. It took me quite a while to get out of that remorse state. We can expect everybody to use the Dhamma to help them. Some people might need professional help. So there’s no one-size-fits-all method for everybody.

[00:19:29] Cheryl:

You have to find what is suitable for you at that point in time. And at different times, you will require different things as well. Yes. You were saying it took you quite a while to get out of that remorse state. But eventually, in retrospect, what you realize is that… There’s no point in clinging to the past and the present and the future is more important. Okay. What was the turning point, which gave you that aha moment?

[00:19:58] Alvin:

I heard this teaching from Luang Por. Every time we recollect something virtuous, it’s like we are doing that virtuous action again. Similarly, if we keep thinking about the negative things we do, we are actually indirectly doing that negative action again. So I have to tell myself whatever is done is done, just move on. If I really want to benefit myself and all sentient beings, I have to move on.

[00:20:21] Cheryl:

That is very powerful. I really love that. Thanks for sharing. Amazing. Is there any last thing that you want to share from your experience with struggling with drug addiction?

[00:20:32] Alvin:

There’s this method which I find quite helpful. Perhaps you can use something of higher value to overcome the addiction. So something that fits your principles and your personal values. In the past, I’ve always wanted to be a fitness instructor. So actually I also make use of fitness, like going to the gym, taking out new sports to overcome the addiction, and using that drive to help me get out of the addiction and also to pursue my dreams.

[00:20:59] Cheryl:

What if someone doesn’t have any other value and the value is just seeking happiness? Drugs give me the highest happiness, they can say.

[00:21:07] Alvin:

It’s still a form of wanting to seek happiness. To me, it’s still a value. You could actually replace that addiction with something positive. Get a friend to help you to try something different, learn a new hobby, et cetera. Then you can compare and contrast. To see that actually, there’s something that could be even a higher form of happiness compared to the substance I’m attached to. Just try to take the first step.

[00:21:31] Cheryl:

Yes. The first step might sound extremely scary, and difficult. But always know that there are alternatives to the drugs that you’re taking which harm your body in very severe ways and there are other ways to obtain happiness that actually continues to contribute to your long-term happiness as well. That could be a better option as well. And I’m actually very curious. You say that you have already cut off the friends who did drugs with you, I guess the dealer as well. Have you forgiven them?

[00:22:04] Alvin:

To be frank, for a period of time, I was blaming them. But I realized that actually I also have a part to play. So just see everything as due to causes and conditions. So just move on. Cause if you keep dwelling, having anger towards them, then you’re actually still trapping yourself in the past. Just have compassion for them as well, because they don’t have the Right View. They don’t have the merits to encounter the Buddha’s teaching. That’s why they are actually doing something that they think is right, but actually it’s wrong. In the future, they have to bear the consequences of their actions as well. So they deserve compassion and empathy more than anger.

[00:22:43] Cheryl:

That’s very wise words as well, because at the end of the day, no matter how people manifest in their actions, no matter how evil, how selfish, or how unpleasant it is, everyone is really just seeking happiness in the ways that they know how. It’s unfortunate that people sometimes seek this happiness through ways that cause them more harm because Kamma is the action and intention and the results of this action and intention will always be by your side. You will always be related to this Kamma. You always be associated with this Kamma. You always be with this Kamma. Whether it’s good or bad, you have to bear its results. So in a way, you’re right, they deserve compassion a lot more than they deserve anger. It’s very, very wise of you and very compassionate of you to be able to notice that, and I rejoice with your wisdom.

We’ve come to the end of this episode. Thank you so much for sharing on a topic that not many have experienced, but yet also relating to. I guess that’s the humanness of all of us, the suffering that all of us share together in wanting to be happy, and trying to find the best ways to be happy as well.

To our listeners, I hope you’ve learned a thing or two and you’re able to apply some of these gems of wisdom and compassion in your own lives. If you enjoyed this episode, please give us a five-star rating on Spotify and share this with your friends. Until the next episode, stay happy and wise.

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Editor and transcriber of this episode: Cheryl Cheah, Susara Ng, Ke Hui Tee