Editor’s note: This is an adapted article in collaboration with Ro. Do check out Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings.
TLDR: When is it time to quit the job? Ro shares a few ‘filters’ and prompts to ask yourself. This helps us to quit even the cushiest of jobs when we no longer feel that we can add value or be valued at where we are.
Decision-making can be hard at the best of times.
We’re making hundreds if not thousands of decisions on a daily basis, and we can get so consumed with making the right ones.
The number of variables and contingencies that inundate us even in ‘simple’ decision-making about what or where to eat, or where we should go for our next holiday can be confounding.
We aren’t even talking about the decisions that carry a heavier weight, such as do I look for a career change or do I quit my job?
How then, did I make that final decision to leave my Tech job and be okay with it?
After 4 months, I can say that I am still confident in my decision and the new path that I am on. These are the prompts, collated and picked up from many different books and sources that helped me overcome the ‘what if’s’ and fear of making a catastrophic mistake.
I believe it’s through this filter, that made sure I made the ‘right’ choice for me.
Align Work To Values
I consciously and very intentionally checked in and considered if I was living out my core values. A few of these are: family, respect, growth, creativity and community empowerment.
During the final few months of employment, I reflected regularly on how much I was hitting the cornerstones of my values, and how fulfilled I was by the work I completed. I considered whether I could mould my job to align better with my desire to align my values and contribute to a greater cause.
Ultimately, I considered what I wanted my work and life to look like, and if it was supported by my current career track. The answer was no.
A valuable sutta resource is how Buddha talked about finding the right livelihood. If one finds themselves constantly in a job that weighs them down in mental states, it might be wise to reconsider the role.
Would I regret not making the decision sooner? What is the risk of doing nothing?
So many of us have that thing, that we teeter-totter on the edge of starting, then months pass and we still haven’t started.
The reality is, we could have been months into getting better at it already. I had already toyed with the idea of leaving my job for the past 3 months, and the idea wasn’t really leaving me, despite all the changes and motivation I was trying to muster.
I wasn’t growing the way I desired nor succeeding in making my work more meaningful and impactful. In short, in another 3 months, I would regret not making the decision sooner, and the risk of doing nothing was severe burnout and loss of personal willpower.
I made the decision to leave at an opportune time, when I was still excited about the unknown, and not yet fully burnt out to the point of dissociation or detachment.
What’s the T.E.A? Reflecting on what gives me energy and what drains me?
Thoughts. Energy. Attention. In my daily life, I was constantly thinking about different challenges and creative pursuits.
I found energy in doing my own writing projects and helping with internal and external copywriting. In my core role, I felt drained by the corporate structure and politics after each meeting, and I was quite frankly sick of the need to constantly expose myself for accolades.
My attention was often on events outside of my core role and in extracurricular company cultural activities.
All these signs led to the reality that the T.E.A was not continuing on in a multinational company in the current state of affairs.
Realising how I responded to my environment, and how it impacted not only my personal life but also my happiness was the final straw that helped me to pull the plug.
I hope this can highlight that decision-making requires intentional self-reflection and consideration. What is “better decision making”, except simply making conscious and intentional decisions that are right for your particular circumstance. Without reflection, we don’t have the opportunity to know what we can change to make our situation better.
TLDR: Learning to see life in death requires courage. It is a great reminder to live life well and see joy even in the downs of life
We all know that our loved ones and ourselves will pass away someday. For the majority of us, however, this isn’t something we normally bring to mind – that is until circumstances make this a reality in our lives.
For me, this reality came in late-2017 when my close uncle (Tiuo Tiuo) passed away from Leukemia. Tiuo Tiuo was almost like a 2nd dad to me, and he was by my side through my various life milestones all the way until university. From Tiuo Tiuo, I learnt many life lessons – and the lessons continued even until his last days and beyond.
Helping Others
“There will come a year when we will have 1 less person (at Chinese New Year) compared to the previous year. It will be really sad and the memories of that person and his presence will certainly be missed. I also felt sad looking at Ah Ma’s picture on the wall. It is the first time I see a familiar face of someone on a wall like that…”
29-01-2017 (Chinese New Year)
Tiuo Tiuo was someone who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life! One of his greatest pleasures was to pluck in his earphones and immerse himself in the music on his handphone. However, he was never good with technology and often required help loading up or accessing his music. The job to troubleshoot his phone when it malfunctioned often fell to me – and honestly, it wasn’t something I enjoyed all the time (especially after a long day at school)!
“So Tiuo Tiuo’s leg has been troubling him these past 2 months, but more acutely these past 2 weeks. Old age and sickness indeed.”
11-10-2017
Looking back, however, memories of these small acts of service give me the greatest joy. There is little regret in my heart, knowing that I overcame my laziness to help bring minor conveniences and joy to Tiuo Tiuo. Since then, I made it a personal principle never to turn down requests from my loved ones as far as possible – we never know when that might be the last time we can help.
From Tiuo Tiuo, I learnt that being of service is a blessing.
Things Change
“I brought Tiuo Tiuo to A&E for his full body check up… Was informed that he was diagnosed with Leukemia, which is essentially cancer… It is hard looking at Tiuo Tiuo suffering – not just his physical pain, but his mental expectations that this would be a short one.”
21-11-2017
Aside from listening to music, Tiuo Tiuo also loved to catch up on the latest news around the world! One of the common interests that we shared was to follow the latest English Premier League football highlights. As Tiuo Tiuo became weaker, however, these joys became harder to attain as his world turned more inwards.
“Tiuo Tiuo started his first chemo today… There is a chance Tiuo Tiuo will face many complications for his health and get more sick; or he might be on this long and gradual road to recovery and this state will hence linger for a few years. It is so uncertain.”
30-11-2017
Being by Tiuo Tiuo’s side as he journeyed through his last days, I saw that pleasures in life are not evenly distributed throughout. Many of the more enjoyable and sensually delightful experiences are often front-loaded in our youth and early adulthood. The less pleasant parts of ageing, sickness, the dulling of our senses, and the gradual losing of things we hold dear – these come slowly, but inevitably.
From Tiuo Tiuo, I learnt that conditions go their natural way.
How We Live
“Tiuo Tiuo has been admitted to the ICU and intubated and unable to speak, and the prognosis isn’t good… But what’s for sure is that he is suffering much now, and I don’t know how to ease his suffering.”
13-12-2017
As Tiuo Tiuo became weaker, he could not enjoy the things he used to enjoy. Instead, he sought a simpler solace from the companionship provided by our entire extended family who banded together to support him. Tiuo Tiuo lived his life in service of others. Through the decades, his humble 4-room flat played host to many of my Malaysian cousins working in Singapore who required accommodation.
As one of the respected elders in the family, he always rejoiced in our successes, and was quietly supportive in our times of struggles – even financially at times. As Tiuo Tiuo gradually grew weaker, he rested at peace with memories of a life well-lived and in the companionship of family.
From Tiuo Tiuo, I learnt that how we live, is how we pass.
“Thursday, the doctor said the falling BP and oxygen levels were signs that Tiuo Tiuo was passing away soon … I stood outside the glass door for an extended period sending metta (loving-kindness). That was the last time I saw Tiuo Tiuo alive… I went in and ma ma and mum were reassuring him that it is ok to pass; the rest were kneeling down, sis was crying badly. I did not cry. Sent metta to Tiuo and wished for him to be well and happy.”
24-12-2017
It has been almost 3 years since Tiuo Tiuo passed away. With time, the deep feelings of loss and sadness have given way to a more subtle appreciation of the values he represented. As I pay respects to Tiuo Tiuo at his altar daily, the lessons he taught also continue to inspire me to live each day fruitfully in service of others.
While Tiuo Tiuo may no longer be around, in many ways, he lives through the lives of many around him whom he had touched. Our loved ones and ourselves will indeed pass away someday, and we do not need to wait for this to be a reality before we learn the lessons that death and dying presents.
By realising our mortality, may we learn to be less intoxicated with youth, health and life. By learning the preciousness of our human life, may we allow mindfulness and wisdom to guide us on the path towards truer and more lasting forms of happiness.
Wise Steps:
Learn to see the bright sparks in the bleakest of time, as every moment is an opportunity to find sparks
Knowing that separation is inevitable, fruitfully serve those around you
Resources to help in death (and life) contemplation:
