TLDR: Kyle talks about how a fundamental change in lifestyle from eating food regularly to sustaining himself through a PEG tube became the fulcrum for lessons in impermanence, mindfulness, and suffering. He talks about the importance of feeding the right thoughts to one’s spirit, how to truly connect without needing food as a medium, and how to overcome attachment to something as integral as the pleasure of food.
I never imagined that something as ordinary as eating would become a distant memory. Since December 24, 2024, I have not tasted a morsel of food, not felt the warmth of a freshly cooked meal, nor enjoyed the simple pleasure of chewing. Instead, my sustenance comes through a PEG tube, a lifeline that keeps my body nourished even when my senses crave the experience of eating.
At times, self-pity creeps in like an uninvited guest. The mind whispers, “I’m not going to taste the fried carrot cake again. Look how great it will be if I still could take a bite out of that cake.” In those moments, it’s easy to sink into despair, dwelling on what was and what will never be again. But then, I remind myself: what we feed grows. If I continue feeding my mind with unnecessary, unconducive self-pity, it will flourish like an unkempt vine, wrapping itself around my spirit until I lose sight of the present moment.
The Illusion of Loss
Buddhism teaches us about impermanence—the idea that nothing remains unchanged. Everything we attach to, be it our ability to eat or the comfort of routine, will one day shift or dissolve. Clinging to what was, grieving what is no longer there, only tightens the chains of suffering. Instead, true peace lies in acceptance.
I reflect on the Buddha’s idea that attachment leads to suffering. I can mourn the loss of eating, or I can embrace this experience with equanimity. The absence of food on my tongue does not equate to the absence of nourishment in my being. My body is still sustained. My life is still meaningful. The essence of who I am is not tied to what I can or cannot eat.
Cutting Off the Supply of Suffering
Just as my PEG tube delivers nutrients to my body, my mind thrives on what I choose to feed it. If I continuously provide it with sorrow, regret, and longing, it will grow accustomed to that diet. But what happens if I change the supply? What if I nourish it with gratitude, mindfulness, and acceptance?
There is power in knowing that suffering is optional. Pain may arise, but whether I allow it to linger and take root is a choice. Instead of thinking, I miss food, I can shift my perspective: I am grateful for this tube, for this chance to live, to sustain, to experience life in a different way.
Seeing Beyond the Surface
In Buddhist philosophy, suffering is not to be avoided or suppressed but rather understood. When I feel sorrow about my situation, I ask myself: Who is suffering? Who is this “I” that clings to the past? When I look deeply, I see that it is the ego, the part of me that clings to identity and the illusion of control.
But what if I let go? What if I observe my situation with detachment, like a leaf floating on a river? The reality is, my body is adapting. My life is continuing. The suffering only exists when I compare my present to my past.
Yet, the changes are undeniable. Meeting friends now comes with restrictions—no more spontaneous lunches or late-night dinners. I have to plan my meetups around my feeding schedule, ensuring I have enough time to return home and sustain myself through the tube. There are moments when I watch my friends ordering their favorite dishes, laughing over a shared meal, and I feel a pang of longing. It is not just about the food but the ease, the fluidity of social interactions that I once took for granted.
Still, I remind myself: life is different now, but it is not lesser. My connections are not defined by what I eat with my friends, but by the moments we share. Instead of focusing on what I lack, I focus on the quality of my time with them. The laughter, the conversations, the warmth of companionship—these remain unchanged. When I let go of the idea that dining together is the only way to bond, I begin to see new ways of cherishing relationships.
Finding Joy in a New Way
Perhaps the absence of food has created space for new forms of joy. I find pleasure in the conversations that happen around a dinner table, even if I am not eating. I savor the scent of food, appreciating its richness without the need to consume it. I notice how my body feels—lighter, more in tune, more aware.
Each moment presents an opportunity for mindfulness. Instead of focusing on what I lack, I focus on what I have. Instead of drowning in self-pity, I anchor myself in the present. The Buddha teaches us that suffering comes not from circumstances, but from our resistance to them. When we stop resisting, suffering ceases to exist.
The True Nourishment of Life
Life is more than food. It is laughter, connection, love, and presence. It is the simple act of breathing, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the kindness exchanged in a smile. These, too, are forms of nourishment. These, too, sustain me.
I am learning that true fulfillment comes not from what enters the body, but from what flows through the mind and heart. Equanimity, one of the hardest to practice but truly essential from the Four Immeasurables, is not about denying pain; it is about seeing beyond it. And in doing so, I find peace, not in what I have lost, but in all that remains.
Wise steps:
1)What We Feed Grows – Whether it is self-pity or gratitude, our thoughts shape our reality. Choosing to focus on what we still have rather than what we’ve lost determines our emotional well-being.
2)Letting Go Brings Freedom – Attachment to past experiences creates suffering. By releasing the idea of what life “should be” and embracing what is, we free ourselves from unnecessary pain.
3)Connection Goes Beyond Food – While shared meals are a social tradition, true relationships are built on presence, understanding, and meaningful interactions. Adapting to new ways of bonding fosters deeper connections.
TLDR: Brian Chang shares his experience about how maintaining mindfulness and awareness helped him avoid getting into “unlucky” situations. He also reflects on a particular “incident.”
On a sunny afternoon, as I was walking towards my local supermarket to stock up on groceries for the week, I noticed a sudden, strong, smelly odor as I was going down the escalator.
This was not usual.
I didn’t know where it came from. As soon as I reached the bottom of the escalator, I saw a fresh, huge “gold” at the end of the escalator, coming from an old man standing in front of me!
I didn’t over-react like I normally do. Instead, I maintained my awareness and carefully walked past the mess and the stains left by his footprints on my way to the supermarket.
I heaved a sigh of relief and continued with my grocery shopping.
The day just gets ‘worse’
After buying what I needed, I went back to the dormitory. Upon arrival, I realised that my card to enter the dormitory wasn’t on me!
Usually, in similar circumstances, I would start to panic. Various negative scenarios would begin to play out in my mind. But it was different this time.
I directed my mind to think of solutions to get my card back. I recollected the places I had walked past and the actions I had taken while returning to the dormitory from the supermarket. I remembered that I had taken my phone out while buying chicken at the deli and that was probably when the card had accidentally fallen out of my pocket.
I quickly walked back to the supermarket, scanning the floor for my card as I went. Thank goodness when I arrived at the deli, my card was still untouched on the floor. I picked it up and joyfully walked back to the dormitory.
A tale of two mindsets
When I got back, I compared the difference in my mental state and behaviour in this situation to my usual conduct. The following is a summary of the comparison:
Usual
This time
Would daydream while walking
Walked with mindfulness
Living in my own world, unaware of what’s happening around me
Being aware of my surroundings
The experience was abnormal. I had been practising mindfulness meditation for months, but I never expected to witness the fruition of my efforts in such a profound and unexpected moment.
I saw that having added a little bit more mindfulness made my ability to handle incidents with more peace of mind. I was not adding value judgments to situations but rather seeing things with a more balanced approach.
This prevented ‘unfortunate’ moments from becoming ‘unfortunate’ hours, days, months or even years!
Reflecting on the day
As I reflected on the incident that happened that day, I realised that with sati (mindfulness), sampajañña (awareness), and some saddhā (faith) in myself, I can achieve my desired results without any stress—or at least maintain a positive relationship with it.
Recently, I took a short course at my university regarding effective methods and tips for preparing for exams. One of the topics was about dealing with stress. A TED video on stress was shared.
From the video, I learnt that simply believing that stress is not harmful can reduce the risk of dying, as stress actually helps the body prepare for more challenging tasks. For more information about dealing with stress, you may watch Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk: How to make stress your friend.
So, I can use sampajañña to recognise when I am stressed and notice the negative thoughts associated with it. Then, I can apply sati and a positive perception of stress to change my relationship with it and stop the negative proliferation of thoughts, helping me overcome difficulties without feeling like I’m “dying.” The best of both worlds!
The incident with the old man pooping uncontrollably in public also made me reflect on the nature of impermanence. I may be young now, but one day, I too will be like the old man. Unable to control my bowels or my body.
This reminded me of King Koravya, a king during the Buddha’s time, who quizzed Buddha’s disciple, Rattapala, on why he was ordained when young. The famous dialogue showed that even the rich and powerful aren’t spared from ageing.
“And what do you think, great king: Are you even now as strong in arm and strong in thigh, as fit, and as seasoned in warfare?”
“Not at all, Master Ratthapala. I’m now a feeble old man, aged, advanced in years, having come to the last stage of life, 80 years old. Sometimes, thinking, ‘I will place my foot here,’ I place it somewhere else.”
“It was in reference to this, great king, that the Blessed One who knows and sees, worthy and rightly self-awakened, said: ‘The world is swept away. It does not endure.’ Having known and seen and heard this, I went forth from the home life into homelessness.”
Impermanence in student life
I recently felt the impact of impermanence in my own life.
During the semester, I was planning my to-do lists with my roommate so that we wouldn’t get bored during the winter break. Just as I was fantasising about our good times after the final exams, one day, he suddenly told me that he had decided to go back to Vietnam during the break. He couldn’t handle the gloomy days of winter anymore.
In my mind, I had expected that we would do meaningful things together. However, plans do not always keep up with changes. Some things are beyond our control.
A good learning experience on impermanence. The learning experience doesn’t always have to involve death—it can also be about the little things in our daily lives.
Wise Steps:
Try to maintain mindfulness and awareness in daily life.
Recognise your negative thoughts and learn how to develop a positive relationship with them through mindfulness.
Use the thought of impermanence as a trigger to practise awareness and mindfulness in daily life.
TL;DR: Leaning into the Brahmaviharas won’t hurt. But leaning into anger, stonewalling, worry, pettiness, etc will.
Adulting is hard. Between managing your boss’s last-minute requests, navigating the minefield of modern dating, and keeping up with the never-ending drama in your group chats, it can feel like life is one long stress test.
But what if there was a way to handle it all with a little more grace—and a lot less emotional whiplash? Enter the Brahmaviharas, a 2,500-year-old set of Buddhist principles that might just be the secret weapon you didn’t know you needed.
No, you don’t have to meditate on a mountaintop or renounce your worldly possessions to activate the Brahmaviharas. Think of the four qualities that make up the Brahmaviharas — (1) Metta (loving-kindness), (2) Karuna (compassion), (3) Mudita (empathetic joy), and (4) Upekkha (equanimity)—as emotional superpowers for modern life. They won’t turn you into an unbothered robot, but they will help you survive your 9-to-5 grind.
So, What Are the Brahmaviharas?
Let’s break them down into real-world terms:
Metta (Loving-Kindness): The ability to wish others well—even when it’s hard. I like to imagine my dad when I try to imagine what metta is. My dad loves me since the day I was born and every version of me since then. The good, the bad and the ugly. He’s never loved me any less when I was a rude, defiant pain in the butt teenager. Similarly, we should aspire to have goodwill for others even when they’re “misbehaving”.
Karuna (Compassion): I know we all have our own problems and sometimes it seems like we have no bandwidth to put our problems aside and step into the shoes of another that’s suffering too. But sometimes disarming our views and allowing ourselves to really hear and feel the other party’s pain helps us move a disagreement in a productive direction.
Mudita (Empathetic Joy): Celebrating someone else’s success—even when their win highlights your own struggles. We didn’t have to do anything for someone else to be happy. Why not take that as a win? Think cheering for your friend’s promotion while you’re stuck in a dead-end job.
Upekkha (Equanimity): Staying grounded when life throws curveballs. Not being overly attached to positive or negative mental states. Like keeping your cool after dropping your phone into a public toilet bowl (before flushing). You wouldn’t be the first or the last person in history to do this. You’re not the first or the last person to experience heartbreak, job loss, loss of a loved one and so forth. How do we not take life personally?
These aren’t abstract ideals; they’re practical tools for handling life’s messiness with fewer meltdowns and more (non-toxic) positivity.
How to Practice Without Quitting Your Job
You don’t need hours of meditation or a spiritual retreat to bring these principles into your daily life. Here’s how you can integrate them into the chaos of adulting:
Metta for People Who Annoy You
Start small. On your morning commute, silently wish kindness upon the guy blasting TikToks on his phone: “May someone give you a hug and tell you they love you today.” At work, send mental good vibes to your micromanaging boss: “May you stop hovering over my shoulder and may your blood pressure readings be normal.” Even while swiping left on dating apps, try thinking, “May you find happiness,” instead of “that’s a very cringey profile description”.
Karuna Without Burning Out
Compassion doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself at every turn. When a friend is venting, give them five undivided minutes of attention—no multitasking allowed. Small acts of kindness go a long way too: buy coffee for the tired barista or compliment your local hawker on their perfectly crispy chicken wings. Most importantly, don’t forget self-compassion. Treat yourself on bad days like you would treat your best friend—skip the guilt trip and opt for kindness instead.
Mudita When You’re Jealous AF
Jealousy is natural, but it doesn’t have to consume you. If scrolling through Instagram makes you feel inadequate, text one friend instead: “Your vacation pics made me happy!” At work, remind yourself that if you got promoted, you’d want cheers—not side-eyes—from colleagues. Even when envy strikes hard, practice celebrating strangers’ wins: that influencer with the perfect life? Whisper “Good for them,” and move on.
Upekkha for When Life Screws You Over
Equanimity isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about accepting life’s chaos without letting it derail your peace.
When life throws stones—whether it’s a packed train during rush hour, office politics, or a sudden personal setback—upekkha helps you respond with clarity. Instead of seething at the crowd, take a deep breath and remind yourself: “This discomfort is temporary.” Shift your focus to something constructive—listen to a podcast, observe your surroundings without judgment, or simply practice mindful breathing.
When your boss drops yet another urgent request on your desk, pause before reacting. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in five years?” Most likely, it won’t. By zooming out and seeing the bigger picture, you can approach the task with calmness rather than resentment.
Equanimity isn’t ignoring life’s mess—it’s about accepting that there will be tough times.
Real-Life Challenges (Because Adulting Is Messy)
Of course, practicing these principles isn’t always easy. What happens when they don’t seem to work?
“I tried Metta, but my coworker’s still a jerk.” Kindness doesn’t mean being a doormat. Set boundaries while wishing them well from afar.
“The person is so mean to me—I don’t feel any Karuna right now.” Compassion starts with yourself. Take a timeout instead of trying to fix everyone’s problems.
“How do I feel Mudita when my friend’s living MY dream?” Acknowledge the sting (“Ugh, I’m jealous”), then pivot: “But they worked hard—that’s cool. What I see is their success but not the struggles and trade offs they made to get there”
“Equanimity? I just rage-quit my Zoom call.” Perfect! Notice the anger, take three deep breaths, and remind yourself: “This meeting is temporary chaos.”
Why Bother?
Here’s the thing: practicing the Brahmaviharas isn’t just about being nice—it’s about improving your mental health and relationships in tangible ways:
Metta reduces grudges and helps you sleep better.
Karuna deepens connections and combats loneliness.
Mudita lessens envy and brings more joy.
Upekkha minimizes freakouts and keeps the heart in balance
Ask yourself: Has any negative mental state ever brought you peace and happiness – rage, resentment, jealousy, sense of entitlement, hopelessness, paranoia, contempt, self pity, obsessiveness?
May we humbly suggest that the Brahmaviharas could perhaps be a better response?
Think of these qualities as an adulting survival kit—a set of tools to help you handle life’s chaos.
So go ahead: wish people well (even that auntie that keeps bugging you about why you’re not married yet). Care without collapsing under the weight of it all. Cheer others on like it costs nothing (because it doesn’t). And breathe through life’s inevitable curveballs and low points. Your adulting game just got an upgrade—and trust us, it looks good on you.
Wise Steps:
Make the effort to give kindness to those who annoy you, for your own peace of mind
Treat yourself with the same compassion you give others, be your own friend
Celebrate the wins of others, the same way you would hope others celebrate yours
In times of turmoil, center yourself within the chaos and watch it pass, remembering that you are not alone in your suffering.
In part 2 of our Handful of Leaves interview with Venerable Sumangala, she offers insights into applying Dhamma in leadership and daily interactions. Venerable Sumangala emphasises the power of right speech, the importance of understanding egos in decision-making, and practical ways to embed spiritual practice into busy modern life. The conversation reveals how ethical living and mindfulness can harmonize with professional success and personal well-being.
About the Speaker
Venerable Sumaṅgalā Therī is the Abbess of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society and is an advisor of Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia. She is one of the recipients of the 23rd Anniversary Outstanding Women Awards (OWBA) 2024, in honour of the United Nations International Women’s Day.
She holds a B.A. in Psychology and in 1999, she completed her M.A. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, both from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Furthering her academic and spiritual education, Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī obtained an M.A. in Philosophy (Buddhism) from the International Buddhist College, Thailand in 2011.
Her formal journey into monastic life began in 2005 when she left the household life to become an Anagarika at the age of 19. Her ordination as a Dasasil (akin to a Sāmaṇerī) took place in November 2008 under the sacred Sri Mahābodhi at Bodhgaya, India. On 21 June 2015, she took her higher ordination under the guidance of preceptor Ven. B. Sri Saranankara Nāyaka Mahāthera – the Chief Judiciary Monk of Malaysia, and bhikkhuni preceptor-teacher Ayya Santinī Mahātherī of Indonesia.
In 2015, she pioneered the formation and registration of Ariya Vihara, Malaysia’s first Theravāda Bhikkhunī Nunnery and Dhamma Training Centre. In 2019, she received a government allocated land for the building of the project with construction to commence in the first half of 2025.
Key Takeaways
The Power of Right Speech
Mindful communication isn’t just a spiritual ideal—it’s a practical skill that can de-escalate tension, build trust, and create harmony, especially in workplaces where misunderstandings and egos often clash.
Ego Awareness Enables Better Leadership
Recognising the role of ego in ourselves and others allows us to navigate difficult decisions with compassion and clarity, fostering a more inclusive and balanced approach to teamwork and leadership.
Spiritual Practice Can Fit Into Everyday Life
You don’t need hours of meditation to live mindfully. Short moments of awareness—like mindful breathing, ethical choices, or chanting on your commute—can ground you and enhance well-being even on the busiest days.
Transcript
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Venerable Sumangala: You dress so nicely. You make up so beautifully. But the moment you utter this word, all your makeup, all melt.
[00:00:11] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast.
[00:00:13] Soon: Sometimes the path to success requires making extremely difficult situations that impacts others. How do you apply the Dhamma in everything that we do?
[00:00:23] Cheryl: We will speak to Venerable Sumangala, who is a fully ordained nun of 10 vassas to learn more.
[00:00:30] Soon: Like, you have to make a tough decision on a high visibility project, And there’s a new up and coming potential person that has little experience or there’s someone that has a lot of experience, but maybe is not as engaged as the other person. How do you make such difficult decisions?
[00:00:49] Venerable Sumangala: In our daily life or in a monastic life, we face actually the same thing. People come from all walks of life. And sometimes when we are a bit better than others in knowledge and skill, pride may come in. If we feel that we are indispensable, people will have to rely on us. And therefore like, why would a senior one who has experience become resistant to something that is probably their work. It’s because of their ego. Yeah. And then if you have somebody new, but they’re so eager to do because they also want to show their talent, that hopefully either they get a confirmation or they get promotion quickly. But in managing organization or group of people, human skill is very important. To manage people is the most difficult things to do in life.
[00:01:42] Venerable Sumangala: But if you learn to communicate, to rephrase your word in a more proper way, then we will be able to manage them well. Always advise people if you’re working, look at the company objective. So we based on the objective, then we won’t go wrong because that is how we move according to the objective.
[00:02:02] Venerable Sumangala: So if let’s say the senior, they’re a bit resistant. Maybe they want a bit of like praise or gratitude over their contribution. I think we should convey properly to both parties.
[00:02:14] Venerable Sumangala: Maybe we upgrade them a bit to become mentor or advisor. But then the new team, they can actually also perform and give their suggestion, we may give them a direction and then let them talk about their ideas, their perspective.
[00:02:30] Venerable Sumangala: So then it’s not a personal bias or personal favouritism. When two parties don’t come together, remember, don’t exclude anyone. Bring them together. How we phrase the word to talk to them is very important. So right speech and then encouragement and making them know that we are a team, we are working together to achieve the objective and think that will put down all the suspicion of favouritism or bias or being neglected.
[00:03:03] Soon: What you’re sharing has just confirmed to me is that right livelihood is very possible. The practice actually amplifies performance. Because sometimes what we as lay people, what we always see is spirituality is one thing and then material world is another thing. But what I’m hearing is that it’s possible to actually integrate spirituality into the material world and still do well.
[00:03:26] Soon: Yeah. When we are able to understand other people’s egos, we are also able to understand what their desires are, and we can speak to those desires to actually balance these difficult situations that we are put in.
[00:03:42] Cheryl: Venerable, because you touched on the idea of right speech as well, and I’m just reflecting back from conversations, and from peers and colleagues. Sometimes when someone is at the receiving end of being neglected or unfairly treated, right speech is the first to go. The gossip comes, the complaining comes.
[00:04:06] Cheryl: What would your advice be for people in these situations?
[00:04:10] Venerable Sumangala: We meet with different, different people. And again, people have different ways of communication. But I think in the office environment or in a working environment, even as a youth, I find nowadays we have many, many lingos that may not be so wholesome.
[00:04:29] Venerable Sumangala: For example, let’s say in my working environment I have this particular colleague, when she feels like a bit uneasy about something, she will say the word as hokkien she says “狗屎”, “狗屎“ means dog shit.
[00:04:43] Venerable Sumangala: So actually all these are not wholesome word at all. When I hear that. I just feel a bit uneasy. Why did she go and pick up such a word?
[00:04:50] Venerable Sumangala: But I don’t have the timely occasion to address it. So one day she came to my office and we were talking on something and suddenly this would come out again then that’s where I tell her, so far I see you, you dress so nicely. You make up so beautifully. But the moment you utter this word, all your makeup, all melt.
[00:05:12] Venerable Sumangala: If suddenly you wanna say this word out, I said, maybe you replace that word. You say amituofo, right? And then she also pick up.
[00:05:23] Venerable Sumangala: Yeah. And then after that, whenever we talk and suddenly the mind wants to say something like that, then she would say, ah. Then I would say, 善哉（Sadhu Sadhu) you know, and I find it so nice. And in family sometimes, people get angry, they give excuses to themselves, then they say what? “佛都有火”. What they’re saying is the Buddha also got anger just because they are angry.
[00:05:45] Venerable Sumangala: So I said, I never say this word. When a Buddha become a Buddha, they already don’t have any anger. How can you misrepresent the Buddha and say, the Buddha have anger just because you want to be angry.
[00:05:58] Venerable Sumangala: So I said, that is not correct. We have to be very mindful about our speech because speech can kill, speech can heal. In our modern world, so-called, we want to be “in”, so we all pick up all those unwholesome words unnecessarily. So now we have to recorrect our way of talking.
[00:06:17] Venerable Sumangala: I remember that one time. This new admin manager came. So I thought admin people maybe normally, they’re quite gentle, but to my surprise, because her background is working in a karaoke, they used to speak very strong, very macho and they use all kinds of words. For example, she will mention the word “P-O-K-K-A-I”(扑街）. So it is like like wishing you bad, wishing you disasters. Even as a head, as a branch manager, when the time comes, we need to address it. Chinese proverb — to learn good three years, to learn bad three days, but now no need, one button only the bad things will happen already. So it is so much mindfulness that we have to practice and in our daily conversation.
[00:07:02] Cheryl: A lot of the words that we picked up and we express it without thinking sometimes subconsciously increases our greed, hatred and delusion. But because words have the potential to heal, we should pick them very wisely. Thank you so much for all the different sharings that you provided us with and it’s so funny, I think I need to use more amituofo. I would like to leave us with one last question which is, what is the significance of taking refuge in the Triple Gem in a society that values material success?
[00:07:36] Venerable Sumangala: We all are given 24 hours a day. For young people struggling to find time for spiritual practice, remember the word busy in Chinese stems from two words, busy means “heart die”.
[00:07:50] Venerable Sumangala: So if we keep thinking that we are very busy, we have no time, to practice, then we also have to use it in a way that reflecting when we are busy, and we keep saying we are busy, means we use the word the
[00:08:09] Venerable Sumangala: So you will think again, would you want your heart to die?
[00:08:13] Venerable Sumangala: Because when your heart die, you cannot feel, and that’s where you get into trouble. So in order for us to be more objective and more grounded, we have to put time for balancing between our work life, our family life, and also our spiritual life.
[00:08:30] Venerable Sumangala: In the past, when I was a lay person working, normally lunchtime would be my good time, one hour. So after taking my lunch for about 30 minutes, I like to be alone during my lunch, because whole day I’ll be meeting people, and then after that I would go to my office, just sit on the chair, close my eyes and forget the whole world, just relax, and be aware of the breath, doing nothing, not even controlling the breath and just let be for 10, 15 minutes. You’d be surprised that the body start to rejuvenate back and again, the wakefulness and energy.
[00:09:04] Venerable Sumangala: Secondly, when driving to the office, I normally do chanting in the car so I don’t waste time. So when you walk to the office, then you can exercise walking meditation, just enjoy your walking. So actually in practice, we don’t have any reason why we cannot practice. We can practice anytime, anywhere. But you just need to know how to do it, what to do, and then discipline and make the right effort to do it. So it can be done. We have to prioritise the way our lifestyle accordingly to what is healthy and what brings happiness, what brings wellbeing, and also the freedom in the mind.
[00:09:45] Venerable Sumangala: The Buddha say practice Dana, Sila, Bhavana. Dana, be generous. Be kind. Offer your service. Share with others right? Then second, Sila means practice morality. Morality here means ethical conduct in our life. It’s a principle of life. For example, we do not want or we not wish to be harmed or to be killed. So what should we do?
[00:10:09] Venerable Sumangala: We should not harm and we should not kill. It’s as simple as that. It’s nothing like very religious or far idea about how we can live or what we should do. Like, for example, the five precepts. If we not wish our belongings to be stolen, then we don’t take other people’s thing. It’s as simple as that.
[00:10:30] Venerable Sumangala: And if we want other people to be faithful to us, we don’t conduct sexual misconduct. The trust, the faith is there. And if we do not want people to cheat us and bluff us, then we do not speak falsely. That will cause mistrust.
[00:10:47] Venerable Sumangala: So people will respect us, will give us trust, and therefore because of that, they will associate with us and give us opportunity, let’s say doing business because trustable people will lead to good result. And then the fifth one, to abstain, the principle not to make our mind blur or confused by drinking alcohol or taking drugs.
[00:11:10] Venerable Sumangala: And even now I tell them it is in your pantry. Some people can drink coffee three, four cups a day. That is addiction already. We have to be very careful because we think that that will give us the wakefulness, but actually it will cause harm to the body.
[00:11:24] Soon: It reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain, “many people die at 27 but are buried at 72.”
[00:11:33] Soon: A lot of us, we let life take over us, right? We don’t exercise, we sleep late, we wake up early and our life falls apart and we just get pulled by life in all directions.
[00:11:45] Soon: And I think what I got out of this sharing is that it is not that hard to have a good practice. Just taking a short break taking a few deep breaths. And in summary, if you are wise, it’s easy to be happy. That’s true. Because you better decisions and you are more present with life.
[00:12:05] Cheryl: So we come to the end of this episode. For all our listeners, please subscribe to us on YouTube and Spotify. And we see you in the next episode. May you stay happy and wise. Thank you.
Special thanks to our sponsors:
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Editor and transcriber of this episode:
Hong Jia Yi, Ang You Shan, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah
TLDR: Smartphones have transformed our lives within a generation. But has the servant become the master? Attachment (upadana) may have become a problem.
We’ve all seen it – maybe even been guilty of it ourselves: a table of friends out for a meal, and all on their mobile phones; a young couple on a date staring deeply into … the glowing screen of their phone.
“I once saw three young people sitting together at a party where the rest were adults,” says my friend Pamposh Dhar, a Singapore-based counsellor and mindfulness teacher.
“All three were on their phones, so one of the adults asked them why they weren’t chatting with one another. Then came the reply: ‘We are.’ They were sitting together and messaging one another!”
Our smartphones are almost never out of reach – mentally or physically – and we instinctively jump at every ping, beep, or vibration.
Go ahead: Where’s your phone right now?
Chances are, you are actually reading this article on it. On a train, in a bus, at the park, or surreptitiously at work.
A Generational Transformation
I would say no piece of personal technology in our lifetime has become such an indispensable part of daily life so quickly and so unavoidably comprehensibly.
They are undeniably useful – we now carry the collective knowledge of the world in the palm of our hand. No more paying in instalments for a set of encyclopedias (remember them?) that were already years out of date when they were published.
But have our phones become our master rather than our servants?
The average American, for instance, checks their phone 80 times a day – that’s about once every 12 minutes while they are awake. Some of that is the reality of daily life in the 21st Century. But every 12 minutes?
“We should not forget that many people use smartphones for work – to stay connected with colleagues and clients across the world through email, messages, work calls, and online research,” says Pamposh.
There is a Price to Pay
A recent study by Singapore’s Institute of Mental Health found roughly half (46.3 percent) of Singaporeans between the ages of 15 and 21 have troubled smartphone use behaviour which can cause mental health problems.
“The problem here is that they often make themselves available at all times of day and night, which very often comes at a cost to their health and their family life.”
And the figure for people 15-65 was 30.2 percent.
Singapore’s first national study into problematic smartphone use and mental health, funded by the Ministry of Health and the Home Affairs Ministry, found it can lead to moderate or severe depression, anxiety and insomnia at rates three times higher than normal.
Suffering and The Four Noble Truths
Users with unhealthy phone habits feel impatient or fretful without their devices and constantly think about them, the study said. Health problems include physical discomfort – pain in the wrists or back of the neck – and missing work or being unable to concentrate during classes.
This is a rather clinical way of describing what Buddha calls attachment, or upadana.
The cycle of attachment and craving (tanha) can lead to suffering (dukkha), the second of the Four Noble Truths.
“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~ the Dalai Lama
But is Attachment Inherently Bad?
As a foreign correspondent in some rather strange lands, I wasn’t attached to my smartphone. I was heavily attached to my two smartphones. They were both essential for my job and my safety.
I multi-tasked using both simultaneously, and the nature of the countries I was living and working in also meant it was vital to have two different providers.
I now have only one. I use it for research, maps, entertainment, and photos of my travels. After living in more than a dozen countries, I keep in touch with dear friends and family spread across the globe. I also use it for meditation, loving-kindness and spiritual learning.
But it’s a tool, albeit it a smart one. But it’s just a tool, like the hammer of the screwdrivers I use to fix things around the house.
As a tool, smartphones offer many useful Buddhist apps to help with the pressures of daily life to keep yourself centred and balanced and help you grow spiritually.
Some Buddhist apps are listed below. Give a couple a try and look for some more yourself. It’s worth having at least one that speaks to you.
Phone-less by a River in a Jungle
But I have learned not only to function without it but to enjoy doing so.
Recently, I spent almost two months volunteering at a riverside adventure camp for school children in the jungles just outside Ipoh in Malaysia. The camp had the Kampar River on one side and the Gua Tempurang mountain on the other.
That was two months without attachment to my phone. I was too busy abseiling and whitewater rafting with the kids during the day. When the work was over, I was often too tired to find the one spot in the camp with reception.
For two months, I focused on exercise, meditation, mentoring and truly enjoying and appreciating the beauty of the nature surrounding me. And the world did not end. I did not miss out on anything.
Now, my smartphone is just another very useful tool. It is not my master.
Apps to try:
Insight Timer (my go-to): This app offers guided meditations and podacasts by noted Buddhist teachers such as Tara Brach, music, chants, and sleep timers.
Stop, Breathe and Think: Aimed at fostering kindness and compassion. This app offers step-by-step meditations and compassion activities;
Plum Village. A global community of mindfulness practice centres offering retreats and teachings on engaged Buddhism and mindful living by Thich Nhat Hanh;
Imagine Clarity: This is an online meditation course by Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, with more than 100 video and audio tutorials in English and French, photography by Ricard, and daily content.
Useful Resources:
Singapore National Council of Social Services. Hotline: (6389) 2222; Website HERE;
Set a time limit – with a reminder – for things like games or social media. Don’t get sucked into a black hole. Find ways to leave your phone aside when eating or when with loved ones
When you’re out and about for a walk or a jog or a cycle, leave your smartphone in your pocket or bag. Pull it out only to take happy snaps or if you need directions – and even then, I sometimes happily get lost. Be a flâneur/flaneuse;
