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The Brahmaviharas: Your Secret to Surviving (and Thriving) in the Chaos of Adulting

The Brahmaviharas: Your Secret to Surviving (and Thriving) in the Chaos of Adulting

by | Apr 25, 2025 | Emotional-mastery, Mindfulness & Meditation, Read | 0 comments

TL;DR: Leaning into the Brahmaviharas wonā€™t hurt. But leaning into anger, stonewalling, worry, pettiness, etc will.

Adulting is hard. Between managing your bossā€™s last-minute requests, navigating the minefield of modern dating, and keeping up with the never-ending drama in your group chats, it can feel like life is one long stress test. 

But what if there was a way to handle it all with a little more graceā€”and a lot less emotional whiplash? Enter the Brahmaviharas, a 2,500-year-old set of Buddhist principles that might just be the secret weapon you didnā€™t know you needed.

No, you donā€™t have to meditate on a mountaintop or renounce your worldly possessions to activate the Brahmaviharas. Think of the four qualities that make up the Brahmaviharas ā€” (1) Metta (loving-kindness), (2) Karuna (compassion), (3) Mudita (empathetic joy), and (4) Upekkha (equanimity)ā€”as emotional superpowers for modern life. They wonā€™t turn you into an unbothered robot, but they will help you survive your 9-to-5 grind. 

So, What Are the Brahmaviharas?

Letā€™s break them down into real-world terms:

  • Metta (Loving-Kindness): The ability to wish others wellā€”even when itā€™s hard. I like to imagine my dad when I try to imagine what metta is. My dad loves me since the day I was born and every version of me since then. The good, the bad and the ugly. Heā€™s never loved me any less when I was a rude, defiant pain in the butt teenager. Similarly, we should aspire to have goodwill for others even when theyā€™re ā€œmisbehavingā€. 
  • Karuna (Compassion): I know we all have our own problems and sometimes it seems like we have no bandwidth to put our problems aside and step into the shoes of another thatā€™s suffering too. But sometimes disarming our views and allowing ourselves to really hear and feel the other partyā€™s pain helps us move a disagreement in a productive direction. 
  • Mudita (Empathetic Joy): Celebrating someone elseā€™s successā€”even when their win highlights your own struggles. We didnā€™t have to do anything for someone else to be happy. Why not take that as a win? Think cheering for your friendā€™s promotion while youā€™re stuck in a dead-end job.
  • Upekkha (Equanimity): Staying grounded when life throws curveballs. Not being overly attached to positive or negative mental states. Like keeping your cool after dropping your phone into a public toilet bowl (before flushing). You wouldnā€™t be the first or the last person in history to do this. Youā€™re not the first or the last person to experience heartbreak, job loss, loss of a loved one and so forth. How do we not take life personally?

These arenā€™t abstract ideals; theyā€™re practical tools for handling lifeā€™s messiness with fewer meltdowns and more (non-toxic) positivity.

How to Practice Without Quitting Your Job

You donā€™t need hours of meditation or a spiritual retreat to bring these principles into your daily life. Hereā€™s how you can integrate them into the chaos of adulting:

Metta for People Who Annoy You

The Brahmaviharas: Your Secret to Surviving (and Thriving) in the Chaos of Adulting

Start small. On your morning commute, silently wish kindness upon the guy blasting TikToks on his phone: ā€œMay someone give you a hug and tell you they love you today.ā€ At work, send mental good vibes to your micromanaging boss: ā€œMay you stop hovering over my shoulder and may your blood pressure readings be normal.ā€ Even while swiping left on dating apps, try thinking, ā€œMay you find happiness,ā€ instead of ā€œthatā€™s a very cringey profile descriptionā€. 

Karuna Without Burning Out

The Brahmaviharas: Your Secret to Surviving (and Thriving) in the Chaos of Adulting

Compassion doesnā€™t mean sacrificing yourself at every turn. When a friend is venting, give them five undivided minutes of attentionā€”no multitasking allowed. Small acts of kindness go a long way too: buy coffee for the tired barista or compliment your local hawker on their perfectly crispy chicken wings. Most importantly, donā€™t forget self-compassion. Treat yourself on bad days like you would treat your best friendā€”skip the guilt trip and opt for kindness instead.

Mudita When Youā€™re Jealous AF

Jealousy is natural, but it doesnā€™t have to consume you. If scrolling through Instagram makes you feel inadequate, text one friend instead: ā€œYour vacation pics made me happy!ā€ At work, remind yourself that if you got promoted, youā€™d want cheersā€”not side-eyesā€”from colleagues. Even when envy strikes hard, practice celebrating strangersā€™ wins: that influencer with the perfect life? Whisper ā€œGood for them,ā€ and move on.

Upekkha for When Life Screws You Over

Equanimity isnā€™t about pretending everything is fineā€”itā€™s about accepting lifeā€™s chaos without letting it derail your peace. 

When life throws stonesā€”whether itā€™s a packed train during rush hour, office politics, or a sudden personal setbackā€”upekkha helps you respond with clarity. Instead of seething at the crowd, take a deep breath and remind yourself: ā€œThis discomfort is temporary.ā€ Shift your focus to something constructiveā€”listen to a podcast, observe your surroundings without judgment, or simply practice mindful breathing.

When your boss drops yet another urgent request on your desk, pause before reacting. Ask yourself: ā€œWill this matter in five years?ā€ Most likely, it wonā€™t. By zooming out and seeing the bigger picture, you can approach the task with calmness rather than resentment. 

Equanimity isnā€™t ignoring lifeā€™s messā€”itā€™s about accepting that there will be tough times. 

Real-Life Challenges (Because Adulting Is Messy)

Of course, practicing these principles isnā€™t always easy. What happens when they donā€™t seem to work?

  • ā€œI tried Metta, but my coworkerā€™s still a jerk.ā€
    Kindness doesnā€™t mean being a doormat. Set boundaries while wishing them well from afar.
  • ā€œThe person is so mean to meā€”I donā€™t feel any Karuna right now.ā€
    Compassion starts with yourself. Take a timeout instead of trying to fix everyoneā€™s problems.
  • ā€œHow do I feel Mudita when my friendā€™s living MY dream?ā€
    Acknowledge the sting (ā€œUgh, Iā€™m jealousā€), then pivot: ā€œBut they worked hardā€”thatā€™s cool. What I see is their success but not the struggles and trade offs they made to get thereā€
  • ā€œEquanimity? I just rage-quit my Zoom call.ā€
    Perfect! Notice the anger, take three deep breaths, and remind yourself: ā€œThis meeting is temporary chaos.ā€

Why Bother?

Hereā€™s the thing: practicing the Brahmaviharas isnā€™t just about being niceā€”itā€™s about improving your mental health and relationships in tangible ways:

  • Metta reduces grudges and helps you sleep better.
  • Karuna deepens connections and combats loneliness.
  • Mudita lessens envy and brings more joy.
  • Upekkha minimizes freakouts and keeps the heart in balance

Ask yourself: Has any negative mental state ever brought you peace and happiness – rage, resentment, jealousy, sense of entitlement, hopelessness, paranoia, contempt, self pity, obsessiveness? 

May we humbly suggest that the Brahmaviharas could perhaps be a better response? 

Think of these qualities as an adulting survival kitā€”a set of tools to help you handle lifeā€™s chaos. 

So go ahead: wish people well (even that auntie that keeps bugging you about why youā€™re not married yet). Care without collapsing under the weight of it all. Cheer others on like it costs nothing (because it doesnā€™t). And breathe through lifeā€™s inevitable curveballs and low points. Your adulting game just got an upgradeā€”and trust us, it looks good on you.

Wise Steps:

  1. Make the effort to give kindness to those who annoy you, for your own peace of mind
  2. Treat yourself with the same compassion you give others, be your own friend
  3. Celebrate the wins of others, the same way you would hope others celebrate yours
  4. In times of turmoil, center yourself within the chaos and watch it pass, remembering that you are not alone in your suffering.
Ep 57: From Dog Shit To Amitabha ft. Venerable Sumangala and Soon

Ep 57: From Dog Shit To Amitabha ft. Venerable Sumangala and Soon

by | Apr 23, 2025 | Podcast | 0 comments

https://youtu.be/FcbpxyUiOMM


Summary

In part 2 of our Handful of Leaves interview with Venerable Sumangala, she offers insights into applying Dhamma in leadership and daily interactions. Venerable Sumangala emphasises the power of right speech, the importance of understanding egos in decision-making, and practical ways to embed spiritual practice into busy modern life. The conversation reveals how ethical living and mindfulness can harmonize with professional success and personal well-being.


About the Speaker

Venerable Sumaį¹…galā TherÄ« is the Abbess of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society and is an advisor of Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia. She is one of the recipients of the 23rd Anniversary Outstanding Women Awards (OWBA) 2024, in honour of the United Nations International Womenā€™s Day.

She holds a B.A. in Psychology and in 1999, she completed her M.A. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, both from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Furthering her academic and spiritual education, Ven. Sumaį¹…galā TherÄ« obtained an M.A. in Philosophy (Buddhism) from the International Buddhist College, Thailand in 2011.

Her formal journey into monastic life began in 2005 when she left the household life to become an Anagarika at the age of 19. Her ordination as a Dasasil (akin to a Sāmaį¹‡erÄ«) took place in November 2008 under the sacred Sri Mahābodhi at Bodhgaya, India. On 21 June 2015, she took her higher ordination under the guidance of preceptor Ven. B. Sri Saranankara Nāyaka Mahāthera ā€“ the Chief Judiciary Monk of Malaysia, and bhikkhuni preceptor-teacher Ayya SantinÄ« MahātherÄ« of Indonesia.

In 2015, she pioneered the formation and registration of Ariya Vihara, Malaysiaā€™s first Theravāda BhikkhunÄ« Nunnery and Dhamma Training Centre. In 2019, she received a government allocated land for the building of the project with construction to commence in the first half of 2025.


Key Takeaways

The Power of Right Speech

Mindful communication isn’t just a spiritual idealā€”itā€™s a practical skill that can de-escalate tension, build trust, and create harmony, especially in workplaces where misunderstandings and egos often clash.

Ego Awareness Enables Better Leadership

Recognising the role of ego in ourselves and others allows us to navigate difficult decisions with compassion and clarity, fostering a more inclusive and balanced approach to teamwork and leadership.

Spiritual Practice Can Fit Into Everyday Life

You donā€™t need hours of meditation to live mindfully. Short moments of awarenessā€”like mindful breathing, ethical choices, or chanting on your commuteā€”can ground you and enhance well-being even on the busiest days.

Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Venerable Sumangala: You dress so nicely. You make up so beautifully. But the moment you utter this word, all your makeup, all melt.

[00:00:11] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast.

[00:00:13] Soon: Sometimes the path to success requires making extremely difficult situations that impacts others. How do you apply the Dhamma in everything that we do?

[00:00:23] Cheryl: We will speak to Venerable Sumangala, who is a fully ordained nun of 10 vassas to learn more.

[00:00:30] Soon: Like, you have to make a tough decision on a high visibility project, And there’s a new up and coming potential person that has little experience or there’s someone that has a lot of experience, but maybe is not as engaged as the other person. How do you make such difficult decisions?

[00:00:49] Venerable Sumangala: In our daily life or in a monastic life, we face actually the same thing. People come from all walks of life. And sometimes when we are a bit better than others in knowledge and skill, pride may come in. If we feel that we are indispensable, people will have to rely on us. And therefore like, why would a senior one who has experience become resistant to something that is probably their work. It’s because of their ego. Yeah. And then if you have somebody new, but they’re so eager to do because they also want to show their talent, that hopefully either they get a confirmation or they get promotion quickly. But in managing organization or group of people, human skill is very important. To manage people is the most difficult things to do in life.

[00:01:42] Venerable Sumangala: But if you learn to communicate, to rephrase your word in a more proper way, then we will be able to manage them well. Always advise people if you’re working, look at the company objective. So we based on the objective, then we won’t go wrong because that is how we move according to the objective.

[00:02:02] Venerable Sumangala: So if let’s say the senior, they’re a bit resistant. Maybe they want a bit of like praise or gratitude over their contribution. I think we should convey properly to both parties.

[00:02:14] Venerable Sumangala: Maybe we upgrade them a bit to become mentor or advisor. But then the new team, they can actually also perform and give their suggestion, we may give them a direction and then let them talk about their ideas, their perspective.

[00:02:30] Venerable Sumangala: So then it’s not a personal bias or personal favouritism. When two parties don’t come together, remember, don’t exclude anyone. Bring them together. How we phrase the word to talk to them is very important. So right speech and then encouragement and making them know that we are a team, we are working together to achieve the objective and think that will put down all the suspicion of favouritism or bias or being neglected.

[00:03:03] Soon: What you’re sharing has just confirmed to me is that right livelihood is very possible. The practice actually amplifies performance. Because sometimes what we as lay people, what we always see is spirituality is one thing and then material world is another thing. But what I’m hearing is that it’s possible to actually integrate spirituality into the material world and still do well.

[00:03:26] Soon: Yeah. When we are able to understand other people’s egos, we are also able to understand what their desires are, and we can speak to those desires to actually balance these difficult situations that we are put in.

[00:03:42] Cheryl: Venerable, because you touched on the idea of right speech as well, and I’m just reflecting back from conversations, and from peers and colleagues. Sometimes when someone is at the receiving end of being neglected or unfairly treated, right speech is the first to go. The gossip comes, the complaining comes.

[00:04:06] Cheryl: What would your advice be for people in these situations?

[00:04:10] Venerable Sumangala: We meet with different, different people. And again, people have different ways of communication. But I think in the office environment or in a working environment, even as a youth, I find nowadays we have many, many lingos that may not be so wholesome.

[00:04:29] Venerable Sumangala: For example, let’s say in my working environment I have this particular colleague, when she feels like a bit uneasy about something, she will say the word as hokkien she says “ē‹—屎”, “ē‹—屎ā€œ means dog shit.

[00:04:43] Venerable Sumangala: So actually all these are not wholesome word at all. When I hear that. I just feel a bit uneasy. Why did she go and pick up such a word?

[00:04:50] Venerable Sumangala: But I don’t have the timely occasion to address it. So one day she came to my office and we were talking on something and suddenly this would come out again then that’s where I tell her, so far I see you, you dress so nicely. You make up so beautifully. But the moment you utter this word, all your makeup, all melt.

[00:05:12] Venerable Sumangala: If suddenly you wanna say this word out, I said, maybe you replace that word. You say amituofo, right? And then she also pick up.

[00:05:23] Venerable Sumangala: Yeah. And then after that, whenever we talk and suddenly the mind wants to say something like that, then she would say, ah. Then I would say, 善哉ļ¼ˆSadhu Sadhu) you know, and I find it so nice. And in family sometimes, people get angry, they give excuses to themselves, then they say what? “ä½›éƒ½ęœ‰ē«”. What they’re saying is the Buddha also got anger just because they are angry.

[00:05:45] Venerable Sumangala: So I said, I never say this word. When a Buddha become a Buddha, they already don’t have any anger. How can you misrepresent the Buddha and say, the Buddha have anger just because you want to be angry.

[00:05:58] Venerable Sumangala: So I said, that is not correct. We have to be very mindful about our speech because speech can kill, speech can heal. In our modern world, so-called, we want to be “in”, so we all pick up all those unwholesome words unnecessarily. So now we have to recorrect our way of talking.

[00:06:17] Venerable Sumangala: I remember that one time. This new admin manager came. So I thought admin people maybe normally, they’re quite gentle, but to my surprise, because her background is working in a karaoke, they used to speak very strong, very macho and they use all kinds of words. For example, she will mention the word “P-O-K-K-A-I”(ꉑ蔗ļ¼‰. So it is like like wishing you bad, wishing you disasters. Even as a head, as a branch manager, when the time comes, we need to address it. Chinese proverb — to learn good three years, to learn bad three days, but now no need, one button only the bad things will happen already. So it is so much mindfulness that we have to practice and in our daily conversation.

[00:07:02] Cheryl: A lot of the words that we picked up and we express it without thinking sometimes subconsciously increases our greed, hatred and delusion. But because words have the potential to heal, we should pick them very wisely. Thank you so much for all the different sharings that you provided us with and it’s so funny, I think I need to use more amituofo. I would like to leave us with one last question which is, what is the significance of taking refuge in the Triple Gem in a society that values material success?

[00:07:36] Venerable Sumangala: We all are given 24 hours a day. For young people struggling to find time for spiritual practice, remember the word busy in Chinese stems from two words, busy means “heart die”.

[00:07:50] Venerable Sumangala: So if we keep thinking that we are very busy, we have no time, to practice, then we also have to use it in a way that reflecting when we are busy, and we keep saying we are busy, means we use the word the

[00:08:06] Venerable Sumangala: “heart die” (åæ„+ äŗ” = åæ™ļ¼‰,

[00:08:09] Venerable Sumangala: So you will think again, would you want your heart to die?

[00:08:13] Venerable Sumangala: Because when your heart die, you cannot feel, and that’s where you get into trouble. So in order for us to be more objective and more grounded, we have to put time for balancing between our work life, our family life, and also our spiritual life.

[00:08:30] Venerable Sumangala: In the past, when I was a lay person working, normally lunchtime would be my good time, one hour. So after taking my lunch for about 30 minutes, I like to be alone during my lunch, because whole day I’ll be meeting people, and then after that I would go to my office, just sit on the chair, close my eyes and forget the whole world, just relax, and be aware of the breath, doing nothing, not even controlling the breath and just let be for 10, 15 minutes. You’d be surprised that the body start to rejuvenate back and again, the wakefulness and energy.

[00:09:04] Venerable Sumangala: Secondly, when driving to the office, I normally do chanting in the car so I don’t waste time. So when you walk to the office, then you can exercise walking meditation, just enjoy your walking. So actually in practice, we don’t have any reason why we cannot practice. We can practice anytime, anywhere. But you just need to know how to do it, what to do, and then discipline and make the right effort to do it. So it can be done. We have to prioritise the way our lifestyle accordingly to what is healthy and what brings happiness, what brings wellbeing, and also the freedom in the mind.

[00:09:45] Venerable Sumangala: The Buddha say practice Dana, Sila, Bhavana. Dana, be generous. Be kind. Offer your service. Share with others right? Then second, Sila means practice morality. Morality here means ethical conduct in our life. It’s a principle of life. For example, we do not want or we not wish to be harmed or to be killed. So what should we do?

[00:10:09] Venerable Sumangala: We should not harm and we should not kill. It’s as simple as that. It’s nothing like very religious or far idea about how we can live or what we should do. Like, for example, the five precepts. If we not wish our belongings to be stolen, then we don’t take other people’s thing. It’s as simple as that.

[00:10:30] Venerable Sumangala: And if we want other people to be faithful to us, we don’t conduct sexual misconduct. The trust, the faith is there. And if we do not want people to cheat us and bluff us, then we do not speak falsely. That will cause mistrust.

[00:10:47] Venerable Sumangala: So people will respect us, will give us trust, and therefore because of that, they will associate with us and give us opportunity, let’s say doing business because trustable people will lead to good result. And then the fifth one, to abstain, the principle not to make our mind blur or confused by drinking alcohol or taking drugs.

[00:11:10] Venerable Sumangala: And even now I tell them it is in your pantry. Some people can drink coffee three, four cups a day. That is addiction already. We have to be very careful because we think that that will give us the wakefulness, but actually it will cause harm to the body.

[00:11:24] Soon: It reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain, “many people die at 27 but are buried at 72.”

[00:11:33] Soon: A lot of us, we let life take over us, right? We don’t exercise, we sleep late, we wake up early and our life falls apart and we just get pulled by life in all directions.

[00:11:45] Soon: And I think what I got out of this sharing is that it is not that hard to have a good practice. Just taking a short break taking a few deep breaths. And in summary, if you are wise, it’s easy to be happy. That’s true. Because you better decisions and you are more present with life.

[00:12:05] Cheryl: So we come to the end of this episode. For all our listeners, please subscribe to us on YouTube and Spotify. And we see you in the next episode. May you stay happy and wise. Thank you.



Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, SuƱƱa, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law


Editor and transcriber of this episode:

Hong Jia Yi, Ang You Shan, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


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The Siren Song of Your Smartphone: A Buddhist Wake-up Call

The Siren Song of Your Smartphone: A Buddhist Wake-up Call

by | Mar 19, 2025 | Home, Lifestyle, Tech, Read

TLDR: Smartphones have transformed our lives within a generation. But has the servant become the master? Attachment (upadana) may have become a problem.

Weā€™ve all seen it – maybe even been guilty of it ourselves: a table of friends out for a meal, and all on their mobile phones; a young couple on a date staring deeply into ā€¦ the glowing screen of their phone.

ā€œI once saw three young people sitting together at a party where the rest were adults,ā€ says my friend Pamposh Dhar, a Singapore-based counsellor and mindfulness teacher. 

ā€œAll three were on their phones, so one of the adults asked them why they werenā€™t chatting with one another. Then came the reply: ā€˜We are.ā€™ They were sitting together and messaging one another!ā€

Our smartphones are almost never out of reach – mentally or physically – and we instinctively jump at every ping, beep, or vibration.

Go ahead: Whereā€™s your phone right now?

Chances are, you are actually reading this article on it. On a train, in a bus, at the park, or surreptitiously at work.

A Generational Transformation

I would say no piece of personal technology in our lifetime has become such an indispensable part of daily life so quickly and so unavoidably comprehensibly.

They are undeniably useful – we now carry the collective knowledge of the world in the palm of our hand. No more paying in instalments for a set of encyclopedias (remember them?)  that were already years out of date when they were published.

But have our phones become our master rather than our servants? 

The average American, for instance, checks their phone 80 times a day – thatā€™s about once every 12 minutes while they are awake. Some of that is the reality of daily life in the 21st Century. But every 12 minutes?

ā€œWe should not forget that many people use smartphones for work ā€“ to stay connected with colleagues and clients across the world through email, messages, work calls, and online research,ā€ says Pamposh.

There is a Price to Pay

The Siren Song of Your Smartphone: A Buddhist Wake-up Call

A recent study by Singaporeā€™s Institute of Mental Health found roughly half (46.3 percent) of Singaporeans between the ages of 15 and 21 have troubled smartphone use behaviour which can cause mental health problems.

ā€œThe problem here is that they often make themselves available at all times of day and night, which very often comes at a cost to their health and their family life.ā€

And the figure for people 15-65 was 30.2 percent.

Singaporeā€™s first national study into problematic smartphone use and mental health, funded by the Ministry of Health and the Home Affairs Ministry, found it can lead to moderate or severe depression, anxiety and insomnia at rates three times higher than normal.

Suffering and The Four Noble Truths

Users with unhealthy phone habits feel impatient or fretful without their devices and constantly think about them, the study said. Health problems include physical discomfort ā€“ pain in the wrists or back of the neck ā€“ and missing work or being unable to concentrate during classes.

This is a rather clinical way of describing what Buddha calls attachment, or upadana.

The cycle of attachment and craving (tanha) can lead to suffering (dukkha),  the second of the Four Noble Truths.

ā€œMost of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.ā€ ~ the Dalai Lama

But is Attachment Inherently Bad? 

As a foreign correspondent in some rather strange lands, I wasnā€™t attached to my smartphone. I was heavily attached to my two smartphones. They were both essential for my job and my safety.

I multi-tasked using both simultaneously, and the nature of the countries I was living and working in also meant it was vital to have two different providers.

I now have only one. I use it for research, maps, entertainment, and photos of my travels. After living in more than a dozen countries, I keep in touch with dear friends and family spread across the globe. I also use it for meditation, loving-kindness and spiritual learning.

But itā€™s a tool, albeit it a smart one. But itā€™s just a tool, like the hammer of the screwdrivers I use to fix things around the house.

As a tool, smartphones offer many useful Buddhist apps to help with the pressures of daily life to keep yourself centred and balanced and help you grow spiritually.

Some Buddhist apps are listed below. Give a couple a try and look for some more yourself. Itā€™s worth having at least one that speaks to you.

Phone-less by a River in a Jungle

The Siren Song of Your Smartphone: A Buddhist Wake-up Call

But I have learned not only to function without it but to enjoy doing so.

Recently, I spent almost two months volunteering at a riverside adventure camp for school children in the jungles just outside Ipoh in Malaysia. The camp had the Kampar River on one side and the Gua Tempurang mountain on the other.

That was two months without attachment to my phone. I was too busy abseiling and whitewater rafting with the kids during the day. When the work was over, I was often too tired to find the one spot in the camp with reception.

For two months, I focused on exercise, meditation, mentoring and truly enjoying and appreciating the beauty of the nature surrounding me. And the world did not end. I did not miss out on anything. 

Now, my smartphone is just another very useful tool. It is not my master.

Apps to try:

  • Insight Timer (my go-to): This app offers guided meditations and podacasts by noted Buddhist teachers such as Tara Brach, music, chants, and sleep timers.
  • Stop, Breathe and Think: Aimed at fostering kindness and compassion. This app offers step-by-step meditations and compassion activities;
  • Plum Village. A global community of mindfulness practice centres offering retreats and teachings on engaged Buddhism and mindful living by Thich Nhat Hanh;Ā 
  • Imagine Clarity: This is an online meditation course by Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, with more than 100 video and audio tutorials in English and French, photography by Ricard, and daily content.

Useful Resources:

Wise Steps

  • Set a time limit – with a reminder – for things like games or social media. Donā€™t get sucked into a black hole. Find ways to leave your phone aside when eating or when with loved ones
  • When youā€™re out and about for a walk or a jog or a cycle, leave your smartphone in your pocket or bag. Pull it out only to take happy snaps or if you need directions – and even then, I sometimes happily get lost. Be a flĆ¢neur/flaneuse;
  • Download some mindfulness/meditation apps.
Ep 54: Chords of Connection: Music, Mindfulness and Friendship ft. Plum VillageĀ 

Ep 54: Chords of Connection: Music, Mindfulness and Friendship ft. Plum VillageĀ 

by | Jan 17, 2025 | Podcast


Summary

This Handful of Leaves episode features Brother Duc Pho, a monastic from Plum Village, discussing the integration of music with mindfulness practice. It explores how music can be a tool to cultivate awareness, embrace emotions, and transform suffering. Brother Duc Pho shares personal insights, such as using mindful songs to calm the mind and the balance between engaging with music and maintaining spiritual discipline. The conversation emphasises joy, community, and intentionality in practice, highlighting the role of music in enhancing both personal growth and collective harmony.


About the Speaker

Brother Đį»©c Phį»• (å¾³ę™®), born in the Netherlands in 1985, first got in contact with Buddhism while traveling in South-East Asia. Later he found a practical and applied form of Buddhism in Plum Village France and has been practicing and building sangha as a lay practitioner in this tradition since 2010 and continues to do so since being ordained as a monastic under Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh in 2016. He currently practices with the monastic sangha of Thai Plum Village International Meditation Practice Center in Pak Chong, Thailand.

Brother Duc Pho enjoys sitting meditation and slow walking outside in nature, drinking tea in mindfulness, playing music and offering his presence as an authentic human being and practitioner with people of all ages including young people and children.


Key Takeaways

Mindful Use of Music

Music, when chosen with intention and mindfulness, can support emotional healing, strengthen awareness, and enhance concentration. However, it can also distract or intensify negative emotions if not used carefully.

Interconnectedness through Music

Singing or playing mindful music helps bring people together, fostering harmony and shared energy within communities.

Balancing Joy and Practice

While mindfulness practice often focuses on transforming suffering, itā€™s essential to cultivate joy to sustain the effort. Music can be a source of joy, grounding practitioners in the present moment and nurturing their journey.


Transcript

Full transcript

[00:00:00] Brother Duc Pho: The mind is a clear blue sky. Thoughts come, thoughts go. Mind is a clear blue sky.

[00:00:11] Jia Yi: Hello and welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast where we bring you practical wisdom for a happier life. I’m Jia Yi and I’ll be the guest host for today’s episode. At the time of this recording, Plum Village Sangha has stopped by Singapore for our music tour themed ‘Sound of the Rising Tide’, using music to remind us of our interconnectedness and to embrace joy and pain.

[00:00:34] Jia Yi: That will be the theme for today’s episode. Today we are very fortunate to have Brother Duc Pho with us. Brother Duc Pho was born in the Netherlands in 1985 and first got in contact with Buddhism while travelling in Southeast Asia. He currently practices with the monastic Sangha of Thai Plum Village International Meditation Practice Centre in Pak Chong, Thailand. Thank you for being with us on this episode.

[00:00:58] Brother Duc Pho: Thank you so much for having me, inviting me.

[00:01:00] Jia Yi: So, first question will be a very fun question. If you were to pick a song or music instrument to best describe you, what would it be?

[00:01:10] Brother Duc Pho: The mind is a clear blue sky. The mind is a clear blue sky. Thoughts come, thoughts go. Mind is a clear blue sky. And the song continues including feelings come and go. So I think as practitioners of meditation, I try to let go about the story about myself and not get too caught up in my own story and my own identity. So this is a song that reminds me that who I am is changing every moment.

[00:01:46] Brother Duc Pho: In terms of instruments, like guitar is the instrument I’ve been playing most of my life, I cannot say I am a guitar. Maybe there are some days I am a small ukulele, some days I am a big double bass, and some moments I will be in tune, some moments I will be out of tune. Sometimes I might forget that, so this song is a reminder to look at the changing nature of myself.

[00:02:07] Jia Yi: Plum Village has taken the unique approach of using mindfulness as a mindfulness tool to help anyone apply the teachings in daily life. Could you share with me your personal journey on how music has integrated into your mindfulness practice?

[00:02:23] Brother Duc Pho: One thing we use in our mindfulness practice is poems we call gathas. They go with certain daily action or with breathing, help us guide our breathing. And many of those have been set to music and they can come from village songs. They’re very simple, like children’s songs, easy to stick into your mind.

[00:02:45] Brother Duc Pho: So there is a song, ‘In, Out, Deep, Slow, Calm, Ease, Smile, Release.’ It’s something I use, in the evening when I go to bed, when I go to sleep. I will silently recite that song to myself and breathe with it. If I don’t do that, I might have a lot of thinking over and over the day, what did I do well, or what’s going to happen.

[00:03:11] Jia Yi: Has it ever happened where, even in the mindful music that you listen to, has it become an obstacle?

[00:03:18] Brother Duc Pho: With this kind of music, I don’t mind. If my mind is not popping up in music, it will pop up with some thoughts, some worry or some feeling. And my practice is just to look at it and see it as it is.

[00:03:32] Brother Duc Pho: And if I feel there’s something there, I try to look up, where has it come from? Why in this moment? What is something I saw, heard or smelled or sensed that brings up this memory from my consciousness? So I will learn something, and then, you know, we have the meditation practice, like following our breathing to quiet down our mind.

[00:03:54] Brother Duc Pho: So yeah, I’m not bothered by this. If it’s a happy song, a mindful song that comes up, I’m happy for it to be there. If you cling on to it, it will also pass away.

[00:04:05] Jia Yi: Then when might music become an obstacle for our mindfulness or concentration?

[00:04:11] Brother Duc Pho: I think music can take us in many different directions. In our minds, we all have good seeds; we have wholesome seeds and unwholesome seeds. Outside of the monastery, outside of spiritual practice, people say music is a way to express myself. But as practitioner, we have to be really aware of what we expressing and what are we taking in.

[00:04:34] Brother Duc Pho: Sometimes we have negative feelings, negative thoughts, and we use music, either we play it or we listen to it. We just make that feeling stronger, and it’s not taking us in a wholesome direction. For sure, many of them are good people, but they also have suffering and desire, like we all have. This can bring up emotions of anger, confusion or desire. So for sure, that’s an obstacle to our concentration and meditation. We can use it as a way to cover up, like we feel lonely or down. And we put on music because we don’t want to be with that feeling, but in fact, the feeling will just get stronger.

[00:05:11] Brother Duc Pho: So what we try with mindfulness is that we choose the kind of music and the lyrics that will water the good seeds in us. That will strengthen our awareness, our stability, and help us not run away from our emotions, but to be with them and embrace them. Look deeply at what’s the cause. In that way, it can contribute to our awareness, concentration.

[00:05:36] Brother Duc Pho: I think it’s two aspects: what we choose to listen to? What do we choose to play? And then the other is what the intention and awareness we bring to the actual playing and listening. Even though I’m a monk practicing daily, there might still be moments where I pick up a guitar just to distract myself. But as a monastic, I don’t want to live like that. I want to have a more mindful and awakened life. So I choose properly when I want to play what I want.

[00:06:04] Jia Yi: Some lay practitioners wish to deepen their practice by observing the eight precepts. One of the precepts state to refrain from entertainment, which includes dancing, singing and playing music. So will playing music be at odds with their practice?

[00:06:20] Brother Duc Pho: I think in Buddhism, we are very lucky to have a variety of traditions and practices. When we take the eight precepts, for monastics, we’ll cut off all music that is not chanting. I can really understand and respect that choice and practice. The Plum Village tradition, we have a precept about not listening or playing love songs or music that water negative emotions in us. And I think to me, this is quite in spirit of Mahayana Buddhism, which has been to different places and cultures over time. Some current Mahayana chanting, now very traditional, was actually at the time Sutras and Buddhist prayers turned to the music of the day.

[00:07:11] Brother Duc Pho: Applying different forms of music to Buddhism and to meditation practice have been happening all the time. For some people, they’re happy to take that in, open to that, to benefit from that , welcome to practice that. For others who wish to live a more silent life, to not have to choose what to listen to and what not to listen to, like, kind of completely, I can also understand.

[00:07:35] Brother Duc Pho: I have periods in my monastic life where I’m a bit involved with music too much, but I feel I need more silence. Music can come up at any time and bring up memories. Sometimes in our monastery, meditating on one of the hills the neighbours or workers have music on, it’s so hard to block it out even if it’s another language I cannot understand, but the melody, like my brain starts to follow right-away.

[00:08:01] Brother Duc Pho: That can be a distraction. Over the past years as a monastic, I’ve been replacing more and more music from the past with meditation music. Sometimes we take songs from the past and change the lyrics.

[00:08:14] Brother Duc Pho: The main thing when we practice mindfulness and meditation is to be continuous aware of what is going on in our mind. As musicians, we have habits from the past, like when I play music, it should be beautiful and get obsessed over that. So that’s another thing to take care of and to remember that the purpose is to practice and offer the Dharma to people. In Singapore and in a big city like this, probably at the same time, there are at least 20 other concerts.

[00:08:40] Brother Duc Pho: The musicians, they can play better than us. We offer our practice and offer the transmission we received from the Buddha and our teacher, in the songs. In Buddhism we speak of the three complexes, superiority complex, inferiority complex, equality complex. Superiority complex would be, “Oh, I’m so special to be on stage.”

[00:09:03] Brother Duc Pho: It’s very dangerous for a monk because we don’t want to cultivate that kind of mind. It’s not about us. It’s about being with the people and offering our practice. Inferiority complex, at any level of music we play, we might feel that we should be able to do better, maybe because we studied music in the past and, should be at this level. Or maybe because I’m playing an instrument that I just started learning. So, okay, there’s people in the audience who can see that I’m still not so skilled at it. So this feeling, can take care of our practice. Equality complex: “I should have as much time on stage as the other players”. We’re working with all of that as we do this tour.

[00:09:41] Jia Yi: That’s such an interesting concept to break down different states of mind, the sense of self with three types of complex. Could you share some examples of how one can skilfully use music to heal their pain?

[00:09:57] Brother Duc Pho: I have one memory, the reading of the poetry of our teacher, the late Thich Nhat Hanh, and also play different piece of music. Some are just instrumental classical piece. Some are poems put to music. One evening like that in our monastery in Germany, called the European Institute of Applied Buddhism.

[00:10:18] Brother Duc Pho: And actually that monastery is housed in a building where during the Second World War, the Nazis took over that building, which was a hospital for handicapped people. So there’s a lot of suffering in that. And for a long time, nobody wants to use it, until our teacher said, that will be the building for our monastery in Germany.

[00:10:38] Brother Duc Pho: And then the Sangha moved in. I’ve done a lot of ceremonies and chanting to transform that suffering. So just being there together after 10 years and celebrating the 10 year anniversary. At the time I was a participant, just sitting in meditation throughout the evening and it was a really deep experience where I could feel very clearly the aspiration of my teacher to open a monastery in that place.

[00:11:03] Brother Duc Pho: And where I also, you know, as I’m mostly from the Netherlands, so that part of the history of Europe is also in me and my ancestors. I also make a personal determination to when the time is right to go there and contribute.

[00:11:15] Brother Duc Pho: One song that speaks to this is, ‘Hello, hello, something in me, I am aware that you are there, I’m sure you’ve got a good reason to be. Hello, hello, something in me, I am aware that you are in there, And I’m going to keep you company.’ To me, what the song speaks about is that, we might have feelings come up, like painful feelings to a breakup or otherwise feelings of separation. And sometimes we’re very quick to say, ‘ I feel like this because this happened and that person did that.’ The practice invites me to just be aware of the feeling as it is in my body and try to not push it away.

[00:12:07] Brother Duc Pho: Because with the tendency of my mind, I might always want to run away from feelings. So to use my breathing to be with that feeling, I can really be there for it in that way, really be there for myself. We know that in life there will be suffering, there will be difficult feelings, but we can learn how to be with and take care of.

[00:12:31] Brother Duc Pho: And, of course, at some point we look into what it is and where it comes from, but if we’re too quick with giving it a label, maybe we don’t see the full picture. And it’s just another way to kind of, okay, have my smart analysis, and then it’s gone. So this feeling comes up, if I look into it, I can learn something from it. And that is kind of the transformation and the growth we have in our practice, when we can be with difficult sensations.

[00:13:05] Brother Duc Pho: That’s been a helpful practice. And this song is actually written by a lady teacher in our tradition, and that’s from my home country. But now it’s on and practiced by many people around the world.

[00:13:17] Jia Yi: Really beautiful. Do you have any final advice or thoughts for individuals on their journey to practice mindfulness?

[00:13:26] Brother Duc Pho: The practice of Buddhism and meditation doesn’t have to be too serious. We talk a lot about suffering and about transforming suffering. And of course, this is the important work we want to do because we want liberation. But we need enough energy and enough joy to face difficulties in our own life and in society.

[00:13:52] Brother Duc Pho: Music can play a big role to sustain our mindfulness practice. Whether you’re learning new instruments or learning to sing or studying your mindful songs, you need joy to sustain that effort. Just play, enjoy and keep checking in with your own mind. Like what is going into my mind and my feeling in my body while I’m singing listening to this, while I’m playing, your body will tell you if you’re on the right path and you need to adjust.

[00:14:24] Brother Duc Pho: Many artists are doing this already. So if you go online, like Plum Village does many songs on YouTube, Spotify Yeah, actually, I think in Asia, there’s different Buddhist traditions. There are many groups that are applying music, so find the right examples. I connect with friends who have the same aspiration to do it together.

[00:14:50] Brother Duc Pho: Music is a strong power to sustain our practice. We need Sangha, a community. Music and singing is a great way to bring people together. We harmonise the different voices and the different bodies and minds. Remember we have our life in the city, we come from different corners, different things on our mind, but when we sing the same song, come together, it gives us the energy to flow and support each other.

[00:15:12] Jia Yi: Music can be skilfully used as a form of mindfulness, with wholesome lyrics to help us bring our awareness to the present moment address feelings of pain and be more accepting of it, and perhaps to even use it as a way to learn from our feelings. Mindful music can help build faith in the Triple Gem and bring more joy in our daily life. Till the next episode, may you stay wise and happy.



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From MRT to Mindfulness: 5 Dhamma Hacks for Busy Professionals

From MRT to Mindfulness: 5 Dhamma Hacks for Busy Professionals

by | Jan 15, 2025 | Mindfulness & Meditation, Read, Wellbeing

TLDR: Struggling to maintain your Buddhist practice amidst a hectic work schedule? Discover five practical methods to integrate Dhamma into your daily life, no matter how busy you are

As busy working adults, it’s easy to feel disconnected from our Buddhist practice. However, the beauty of the Dhamma lies in its applicability to our everyday experiences. Here are five practical ways to incorporate Buddhist teachings into your daily routine:

1. Mindful Commuting: Finding Peace in Transit

Your daily commute needn’t be a source of stress. Instead, use this time to practice mindfulness. As you board the MRT or sit in traffic, focus on your breath. Notice the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. This simple act can ground you in the present moment, reducing anxiety about the workday ahead.

When fellow commuters crowd around you, it’s an opportunity to cultivate metta (loving-kindness). Silently wish for their happiness and well-being. The Buddha taught the power of metta in the Karaniya Metta Sutta, saying, “Let one cultivate a boundless heart towards all beings.” Your crowded train carriage is the perfect place to start.

When you see grumpy commuters you can wish them “May you be well and happy” in your heart.

2. Impermanence in Your Coffee Cup

Your morning kopi or teh tarik can be a powerful teacher of impermanence (anicca). As you sip your drink, notice how its temperature changes. The steam dissipates, the liquid cools.

This mirrors the constant flux of our lives and reminds us not to cling to fleeting experiences

In the Anicca Sutta, the Buddha states, “All conditioned things are impermanent.” Your coffee cup demonstrates this truth every morning. By contemplating impermanence in small, everyday objects, we can better accept the larger changes in our lives.

3. Practising Right Speech in the Workplace

The office is rife with opportunities to practice Right Speech, an essential part of the Noble Eightfold Path. 

Before speaking, pause and consider: Is what I’m about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

When faced with office gossip or complaints, choose to speak words that foster harmony. The Buddha emphasised the importance of Right Speech in the Vaca Sutta, stating that wise speech is “spoken at the right time… spoken in truth… spoken affectionately… spoken beneficially… spoken with a mind of good-will.”

4. Mindful Eating: Lunch Break Meditation

In our rush to answer emails or meet deadlines, we often eat lunch at our desks, barely tasting our food. Instead, use your lunch break as a time for mindful eating.

Before you begin, take a moment to appreciate where your food came from ā€“ the farmers, the grab delivery person, the cooks.

As you eat, notice the flavours, textures, and sensations in your mouth. Chew slowly and deliberately. This practice not only aids digestion but also cultivates gratitude and presence.

The Buddha himself practised mindful eating, as noted in the Maranassati Sutta, where he advises monks to be fully alert & mindful of death at every moment and every spoonful of food.

5. Evening Reflection: The Noble Truths in Daily Life

At the end of each day, take a few minutes to reflect on the Four Noble Truths in relation to your experiences. Consider:

– First Noble Truth (Suffering): What challenges or discomforts did I face today?

– Second Noble Truth (Cause of Suffering): Were these challenges rooted in my attachments or aversions?

– Third Noble Truth (Cessation of Suffering): Can I imagine a state of mind where these issues wouldn’t cause suffering?

– Fourth Noble Truth (Path to Cessation): What steps can I take tomorrow to approach similar situations with more wisdom and equanimity?

This reflection helps us see how the Buddha’s core teachings apply directly to our lives. As stated in the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta, understanding these truths leads to liberation.

Conclusion

Incorporating these practices into your daily routine can transform ordinary moments into opportunities for spiritual growth.

By bringing mindfulness to our commute, our coffee, our conversations, our meals, and our evening reflections, we align our daily lives with the Dhamma. These small acts of awareness and kindness ripple outwards, benefiting not only ourselves but all beings we encounter.

So tomorrow, as you rush to catch the MRT or wait for your kopi to cool, remember: the path to awakening is right here, in the midst of your busy life.

Every moment is an opportunity to see and practice the Dhamma. Will you take it?ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹ā€‹