Dharma in the City: Can You Practise the Dhamma While Climbing the Corporate Ladder?

Dharma in the City: Can You Practise the Dhamma While Climbing the Corporate Ladder?

TLDR: The story of a Buddhist professional who integrates faith, family, and humanitarian work. Daniel Loh’s life reflects how Kamma, kindness, and clarity can transform everyday living.

Dharma in the City is a series featuring ordinary Buddhists who have spent decades in the practice, and also in service to their communities and beyond. 

Most lay Buddhists are multi-hyphenates – wearing the hats of a family member, a professional, a volunteer, a friend, and more. How do we go about the practice in a way that integrates all these different roles that we take up?

The journeys of our interviewees shed light on how Buddhist teachings have influenced and supported their diverse aspirations, roles, and occupations, all while cultivating the same path of peace.

The following interview features Daniel Loh, one of the early members of Firefly Mission, a Buddhist humanitarian organisation, as well as a Buddhist mentor, father and corporate professional in Singapore with experience that spans various fields including aerospace, management consulting, and the chemicals industry.

The interview proper/ The Paradox of Career and Contentment

Question:

Brother Daniel, you’ve been a wonderful mentor to several Buddhist youth, including myself, through the Singapore Buddhist Mission’s Mentorship Programme. I recall that we first connected when I was at a career crossroads, and I was heartened to find a seasoned practitioner such as yourself who is joyfully navigating the dual paths of lay duties and Dhamma practice. Your illustrious corporate career, along with your dedication to Firefly Mission’s humanitarian work speaks volumes of your commitment to striking a balance.

Based on your interactions with the younger generations of Buddhists in recent times, what are some challenges that they are facing, which you feel are unique to being a modern-day Buddhist? How have these insights potentially influenced your own practice or growth on the path?

Answer:  I count myself fortunate to be able to be in touch with the Dhamma from a very young age and have benefitted from it when navigating through my youth and working life.  Through the mentorship program by Singapore Buddhist Mission (SBM), I had the opportunity to mentor young professionals like yourself and others.  I rejoice to see that quite a few have the desire to get actively involved in Dhamma activities, learn and practice more. Each individual comes with their own set of capabilities, challenges and hurdles.  Nevertheless, one rather common perceived paradox is that of balancing contentment with building a career and family

I have been fortunate to apply the Dhamma in both my family life and my career, and it has helped me greatly. I see no conflict between the Dhamma and working life; skills like communication, relationships, leadership, and creating value are fully in harmony with the Dhamma.  For example, value creation as an employee.  When we have periodic reality checks to see if we have indeed created or delivered value appropriate to the monetary compensation we receive, we inevitably will be of value to the organisation.  In doing so, we avoid “taking away time”  from our employer or underdelivering on the expectations, which is also a form of dishonesty.  

The concept of Kamma (Causes & conditions) has been a key pillar in my life.  Knowing that I have put in my best efforts on something, I am not too disheartened when the results are not what I expected, nor am I too elated when it does.  The result, Vipaka , is a combination of past and present Kamma.  You have no control of the former, but can influence the latter. Living in the present takes on a clearer meaning. When something undesirable happens and I know clearly my present actions are not the cause of it, I take heart that this is a repayment of a Kammic debt.

Meditation has also helped me in many ways.  When I was working, meditation helped me calm my mind down and often, with a clearer mind, solutions to issues just came up.  However, the real purpose of meditation is to end our defilements, which I am now focusing more on.

Lessons from Interfaith Friendships

Question:

Growing up in multi-religious Singapore, I’ve often navigated differences in beliefs even within Buddhist circles. For you personally, how has your approach to interfaith and intrafaith friendship evolved over the years, and were there any key turning points or figures that shaped how you cultivate this understanding with your close friends?

Answer: Indeed, I do have many friends and relatives of different faiths. Religion can sometimes be mere labels that divide people. When growing up in my teen years, I have to admit that I sometimes tried too hard to “defend” Buddhism. 

Over the years, I have learned to accept that people will have diverse beliefs. What is more important is whether these friends show patience, tolerance, and understanding toward individuals and humanity. So instead of recognising religion, I move towards recognising the values and virtues of the individual. The Buddha’s teaching, “To do good, avoid evil, and purify the mind,” (Dhammapada 183) rings louder in my heart as I approach middle age.

I have two close friends. We are ex-colleagues, and each grew more passionate about our own different faiths. There were times we shared with each other the essence of our own faiths, often with the genuine care of a dear friend trying to help. These conversations were short-lived, as we realised that none of us were open to changing our beliefs. So we got along as good friends and simply chose to be there for each other in times of need.

I visited Mother Teresa in India in 1996 while traveling there with Buddhist friends. The fact that she was of a different faith did not in any way lessen our respect for her. We were captivated by her compassion and dedication to the less privileged. Professionally, I have taken Mahatma Gandhi’s passive resistance as an inspiration to do things differently. None of these experiences dwell on the topic of religion. As long as your friends’ and relatives’ actions are consistent with the Buddha’s teaching, “To do good, avoid evil, and purify the mind,” interfaith understanding is not a big challenge. Ultimately, everyone is seeking happiness, albeit in different ways.

Family, Faith, and the Householder’s Path

Question:

Among younger people today, family-building often feels de-prioritised, and in some Theravāda circles it can even be seen as a distraction from practice. Yet you seem to embody both devoted family life and deep Buddhist practice. How would you advise young couples who want to both build a family/relationship and grow in the Buddhadhamma?

Answer: The Buddha taught both the happiness of a renunciate (AN 9.41) and the happiness of a householder (AN 4.62). The path of the renunciate is the more vigorous path, with fewer distractions from worldly affairs, but not completely void of responsibilities. The life of a householder is filled with responsibilities and challenges—suffering to some—but also opportunities to practise at one’s own choice. These were important lessons taught to me during a two-week novitiate program in my teen years, which had a profound impact on me. 

I was clear that although I wanted to be close to the Buddha’s teachings, a monk’s life was not suited for me. With that, the Buddha’s teaching on happiness as a householder became a guide for me. So my advice is: if you think you have chosen the householder’s path, then be clear about how you can achieve happiness as a householder, and make sure you and your spouse are in tune with this.

Let’s go a little deeper with an example. Being a householder, you need to make money for necessities. So you run your own business or get employed. If you observe the tenets of Right Livelihood, you are already putting yourself at ease with your vocation. Observing the Five Precepts is the best guide to morality. Coupled with the generosity of your time, effort, and material, you are setting yourself on the path to happiness. By not stealing and avoiding false speech, you set yourself apart as an employee who brings value with integrity to the organisation. 

You are easy to manage and become a role model for others. You are not focused merely on working hours, but on delivering value on time. When you become a leader, you lead with the same values and with compassion. You naturally become a leader who cares and is focused on helping your team deliver value to the organisation. When you deliver real value to the organisation, beyond your cost, any organisation would be foolish not to take care of you.

At home or at work, Right Speech helps. Speaking truthfully, kindly, and purposefully conveys intentions that are pure, compassionate, kind, and useful. Arguments and disagreements are often ignited by harsh and heedless speech. Provide constructive feedback when appropriate and timely, whether positive or corrective. I personally appreciate when someone cares enough to provide feedback, especially when it is objective and and even more when it is tactfully delivered.

There will always be ups and downs. Understanding and accepting that everything is impermanent—that arising issues will cease over time—helps us not to take things too personally. Use mindfulness practice (meditation) to increase focus and concentration. This inevitably also helps in managing stress and life’s challenges.

Growing up in a progressive environment, we were taught to think of efficiency and effectiveness. If this mindset extends to people and relationships, it can cause distress when the expected outcome does not happen. With humans, given the same causes and conditions, you can expect different outcomes from one individual to another. One useful way that helped me, was to remind myself that each proposal or initiative is truly meant to help the larger group. So even if a few are not appreciative, it should not lessen the desire to act. You could say, in a way, that the practice of altruism helps.

When Leadership Meets Mindfulness

Question:

Other qualities of yours, which I find could be a point of inspiration for many, is how you’ve applied your leadership skills, operational knowledge and enduring compassion to humanitarian work under the auspices of the Firefly Mission, a humanitarian organisation founded in 2003.

Could you please share with us how this seed of FireFly Mission was planted and germinated? Would you be able to share with us how you have sustained your motivation and commitment to both the humanitarian work of Firefly Mission and dhamma practice, over the many years of service alongside practice?

Replacing corporate life with more meaningful Buddhist activities. 

Answer: Firefly Mission (FFM) started in 2003 and was officially registered as a society in 2005. It began as a sub-committee of the Buddhist Fellowship and had its first overseas mission in 2001. FFM focuses on humanitarian work in Education, Healthcare, Community Welfare, and Dhammaduta. Over the years, FFM’s footprints have spread beyond Singapore to Myanmar, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Laos, Mexico, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Malaysia. We have funded the building of schools, clinics, toilets, and bridges, as well as sponsorship programs for nuns, children, and funerals. We have also carried out disaster relief and rehabilitation programs.

FFM has no paid employees or premises, and volunteers pay for their own incidentals and trips. We encourage our volunteers to practise meritorious actions focusing on Dana, Sila, and Bhavana (Generosity, Morality, and Mindfulness).

For many of FFM’s members, including myself, we firmly believe that these are important conditions we are setting for ourselves in our striving toward the end of suffering. With this in mind, we no longer spend our money, time, and effort expecting praise or recognition. The smiles on the faces of the beneficiaries, knowing that they have a safe and conducive environment to study, create the hope of a brighter future. These are what drive our volunteers to keep doing what they do.

At appropriate times, we also organise meditation retreats, Dhamma talks, and Kathina trips for our members. These help in the development of our own spiritual path.

The opportunity to practice Dana, Sila & Bhavana is truly something that we cherish being part of FFM family.    

Friends Who Keep the Flame Alive

Dharma in the City: Can You Practise the Dhamma While Climbing the Corporate Ladder?

Question:

In the Uppadha Sutta (Sn 45.2), it was told to Ananda that “the entire holy life,… is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship”. Thank you for being a wise friend to the HOL readers through this interview. 

You’ve clearly faced and worked through many challenges in your practice and life journey. Are there particular teachings or insights that have most helped you endure and overcome difficult periods, which we might also hold onto in our own darker times?

Answer: Indeed, the Buddha’s exhortation to Ven. Ananda was a very important one for all of us to keep in mind—the importance of Kalyana Mitta (spiritual friends). We are all encouraging each other on the Buddha’s Path. Handful of Leaves (HOL) and FireFly mission (FFM) are both creating the conditions for readers, supporters, and volunteers to come together—not necessarily always in person, but to be connected spiritually and inspired to stay close to the Triple Gem.

During the course of my career, I was based in Thailand, Malaysia, and Indonesia with my family. That gave me a real appreciation of the countries and the lifestyles there. A couple of locations were appealing as possible places for retirement, due to the lower cost and abundance of land. Nevertheless, I wanted to return to Singapore and reconnect with my spiritual friends before retiring. Eventually, I returned to work in Singapore for four years before I retired in 2023.

Handing over of a students’ dormitory at Chumchonbanthasongyang Secondary School, Tak Province, Thailand in Octo 2024.  Dormitory sponsored by Firefly Mission members. 

Close friends and family can comfort you in trying times and sometimes provide immediate relief. Kalyana Mittas encourage you to stay close to the Buddha’s Path and, on many occasions, inspire one another to practise together. On many occasions, when I am slacking in my Dhamma practice, the sense of urgency arises when I am with Dhamma friends.  It is normal that we tend to be part of the company we keep, doing things that the group finds interesting.  Therefore, hanging around Kalyana Mittas is truly a blessing.


Wise Steps:

  • Practise Right Livelihood daily by ensuring your work brings value and integrity, just as Daniel checks if his contributions match his pay—avoiding dishonesty by giving his best at work.
  • See career and Dhamma as one path, not two separate lives; Daniel shows that lessons like communication, compassion, and leadership naturally align with Buddhist practice.
  • Balance contentment with ambition by applying the law of Kamma—do your best without clinging to results, knowing outcomes are shaped by both past and present causes.

References:

Who is Asking to be Born, Again?

Who is Asking to be Born, Again?

Wrestling with Karma, Illness, and the Buddhist Truth of Rebirth

TLDR: What if rebirth isn’t just about a next life but something we’re already living through in every moment? This reflection explores how karma, suffering, and impermanence shape not only our bodies and stories but also the deeper questions of who we are and who keeps being reborn.

Last Wednesday, after facilitating our Care and Share session with Rainbodhi Singapore, someone in the group said something that really made me pause. He shared that he’s a Buddhist, but doesn’t believe in rebirth. I wasn’t offended or eager to debate; it just genuinely made me stop and reflect, questioning something I’d long taken for granted in my own understanding.

Caught in the loop: The endless cycle of cause and effect

Caught in the loop: The endless cycle of cause and effect

Buddhism, at its heart, speaks of cause and effect — karma shaping the contours of our lives, even beyond this single breath of existence. Rebirth isn’t just a doctrine. It’s a thread that runs through the entire fabric of Buddhist teaching. So how can one hold the identity of a Buddhist and yet not hold this belief? The contradiction made me pause.

I began to share, not as a teacher but as a fellow Buddhist. From what I’ve read, studied, and wrestled with, I’ve come to believe that this life right here, right now isn’t the full picture. It’s one of the chapters, not the whole book. It is samsāra (cycle of existence).

I began to explore the idea of rebirth by asking myself.

Why are some born into privilege and others into poverty? Why are some born in India, others in Singapore? Why do some enter the world with illnesses or disabilities, despite their parents’ clean bill of genetic health? Why do some stumble upon the Dharma, while others are born far from it, wrapped in entirely different belief systems?”

Yes, some might explain it all away as nature versus nurture. But even nature raises its own quiet mysteries.

Why this body, this gender, this face, this skin, this sexual preference? Why do we cross paths with certain people, out of billions in the world, as if drawn by some invisible thread? It makes me wonder: isn’t there something deeper at work behind it all?

The late Dr. Ian Stevenson, a psychiatrist from the University of Virginia, documented thousands of cases where children recounted past lives with uncanny accuracy with names, places, events they couldn’t possibly have known. Are these simply coincidences? Or are they fingerprints left behind by previous lives?

But we don’t even have to leap into the afterlife to see rebirth at play. Think about last week, today, and the week ahead. How each choice, each moment, leaves ripples in the river of our life. Or look further back: would your 10-year-old self recognize the person you are today? Would a passport photo from that time prove your identity now? We die and are reborn constantly, in our bodies, in our beliefs, in our stories.

To me, that’s the quiet miracle of Dharma. It doesn’t ask for blind faith. It asks for presence. It asks us to look at suffering. Not to deny it, but to understand it. And that understanding leads us to awakening and far away from ignorance.

When Karma Speaks Through This Body

When Karma Speaks Through This Body

There are days when I feel so helpless about getting through the same day every day, unplugging the PEG tube, not being able to eat, sleeping with a tube attached to the stomach. Once the body was strong, effortless, full of thoughtless motion.

Now, every movement is a negotiation, every breath a pact between fragility and perseverance.

I’m 46, or close enough, and as a queer gay man, suffering comes all too naturally for me. As a cancer survivor, I’ve carried it through my bloodstream, through the ache of radiation, and through the contamination of chemotherapy. Even after 12 years of remission, I still carry it in the scars and in the silent complications. The PEG tube nestled in my abdomen is one of them, a constant reminder of the threat of aspiration risking my health. This isn’t survival in the triumphalist sense. This is endurance, raw and intimate.

Even speaking takes effort, the neck stiff with tension, muscles strained and unforgiving. I speak too loudly and garishly, as I can’t hear the tone of my voice, echoing back to me. That voice now becomes a soft memory of the one that once sang, shouted, laughed.

I used to think of sickness as something that happened to others—distant and abstract. Cancer shattered that illusion with brutal intimacy 12 years ago.

The deterioration came slow, then all at once. The body that once danced, laughed, ate with joy, slowly deteriorated and turned into a battlefield.

I remember the taste of metal in my mouth from chemo, the sheer exhaustion that felt like gravity had doubled. And then, after all the treatments had been done, a new challenge: I could no longer eat safely. I had to learn to feed myself through a tube. It felt dehumanizing at first, but with time, it became part of me—part of my strange, new survival. 

There’s a saying that always stays with me: ‘If you ever feel upset about having no shoes, just turn around: you might see someone struggling to walk without feet.’

I’m not saying this to compare struggles, but to remind myself how lucky I am just to have my two legs. Every step I take is a gift I don’t want to take for granted.

Coming face-to-face with death not once, but over and over reshapes the very architecture of my beliefs. It’s like watching the walls of everything you thought you knew slowly crumble, leaving behind only what truly matters. 

Seeking Answer, Not Comfort, in the Dharma

Seeking Answer, Not Comfort, in the Dharma

In those moments of stark clarity, I didn’t turn to the Dharma seeking comfort or cosmic rewards. I turned to it for understanding. Buddhism never promised me miracles. It didn’t hand me hope wrapped in illusions. What it gave me was something far more profound: a language for suffering, and a path that points to its end.

And that idea, the possibility of awakening stirs something deep in me. 

Because let’s be honest: we’re all marked by the imprints of our karma.

None of us walk through life untouched without suffering. Some wounds are visible, like the ones etched into my body but most aren’t. We all carry grief, fear, confusion, aching questions we can’t quite name.

My suffering isn’t just the PEG tube or the cancer.

That ache isn’t unique. It’s human. Reborn again and again.

And it’s what keeps pulling me toward the Dharma, not for escape, but for release.

The Buddha said, “I teach suffering, its origin, its cessation, and the path. That’s all I teach.”

I started seeing life through the lens of samsāra. Birth, aging, sickness, death. Not as poetic notions, but as lived truth. The relentless spinning of existence. And it made me ask: who is it, exactly, that keeps being born into this? In the Dhammapada, it is written: 

“All conditioned things are impermanent—when one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering.”

The more I studied, the more I practiced, the quieter my world became. I noticed things I never had before, the exact texture of silence, the moment before a thought arises, the softness of a kind intention. The PEG tube, once a symbol of brokenness, became a reminder of impermanence.

My suffering was not unique. My body, my pain, even my thoughts, they were all passing clouds. Buddhism gave me a language for this. It gave me refuge.

But this is not detachment in the cold sense. I feel everything more deeply now. I cry more often. I laugh more honestly. I love more fiercely. And understanding karma better now, the question haunts me: Who is asking to be born, again?

When you’ve brushed against death, you can no longer pretend life is permanent. You see through the facade. You see people scrambling to hold onto illusions, and you want to whisper to them: it won’t last. None of it. And yet, there’s beauty in that. There’s freedom. Because when nothing is solid, everything can be fluid.

As the Heart Sutra says, “Form is emptiness, and emptiness is form.”

These days, I don’t look for a future without pain. I look for presence within it. I try to meet each moment fully, however it comes—through a feeding tube, through breathlessness, through gratitude. And in those moments, I sometimes feel it: a stillness, a clarity, a knowing that maybe, just maybe, the one asking to be born again… doesn’t need to be born at all.

Maybe the question itself is the answer.

And maybe that is enough.


Wise Steps:

  • Recognize patterns in your life as reflections of past actions. Karma is not punishment, but a mirror showing what still needs to be understood.
  • Use suffering as a teacher, allowing pain and challenges to deepen your wisdom, compassion, and awareness of impermanence.
  • Live with mindful intention, planting seeds through your thoughts, words, and actions that lead to peace and liberation.

Originally published on Substack: Who is Asking To Be Born, Again? by Kyle Neo Kai Fu

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

TLDR: After a deep personal loss and a spiral into depression, the author found comfort through friends and therapy. However, lasting purpose only emerged after encountering Buddhist teachings through a meditation retreat. With support from a spiritual community and wise teachers, the journey of recovery began — one guided by compassion, patience, and the recognition of impermanence.

It’s likely this isn’t your first time reading an article about the profound effects of Buddhist teachings (it is the whole premise of this site, after all!). In line with HOL’s Mental Health Month, here’s one more to add to the collection — written in hopes that this story brings you comfort and reminds you that you are not alone in your struggle.

To begin, I wasn’t particularly religious growing up. I held certain stereotypes about traditional religions — seeing them as ritualistic and often at odds with science. I didn’t consider myself spiritual either; absorbed in worldly pursuits, I never explored anything deeper.

My only touchpoint with Buddhism was a rudimentary understanding of kamma, which gave me comfort during a particularly powerless moment in childhood.

When Grief Took Everything Away

Two years ago, someone very dear to me left, and the grief brought me to my knees. Things that once brought me joy or purpose suddenly felt hollow. Everything seemed frivolous and futile. What was the point of doing anything if everyone I loved would leave one day anyway?

Nihilism took over, and my world collapsed.

In the weeks that followed, I woke up every day wishing I hadn’t, as I was constantly dragged under a relentless tide of anxiety, guilt, depression and regret from the moment I opened my eyes. I cried for hours, and would be so drained that even basic self-care, like showering, felt very difficult.

I’d only ever get out of bed for some food, water or the toilet.

The pain, loneliness, and self-loathing were unbearable — so acute and exhausting that I could barely function. It felt like there was no end in sight, and I wanted so badly for it to stop. Desperate to escape those feelings and clouded by depression’s distortions, I began planning a permanent escape.

The First Glimmers of Support

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

No one around me knew what I was going through as I kept to myself. I knew I would only be able to get the help I needed if I reached out, hence I eventually confided in a few people I trusted. I made plans to meet and sob talk with them, which also forced me out of the house (more importantly my bed). They listened and kept me company, providing the respite I desperately needed. But it was temporary.

In moments alone, I fell right back into the spiral.

I went through the motions of life feeling dreadful and devoid of purpose as days blurred into weeks.

Then, one day, my mother — who never pushed religion — asked if I wanted to join her at a Buddhist meditation retreat. I hadn’t expressed interest, but with my calendar now empty, I said yes.

With two weeks left before the retreat and almost no knowledge of Buddhism, I dove into a crash course: Bhikkhu Bodhi’s videos, scattered online resources, anything I could find. The retreat turned out to be a pleasant experience.

A change in routine quietened the noise in my head, even if just a little.

A Story That Changed Everything

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

The turning point came during a Dhamma talk, where the teacher shared the parable of the one-eyed turtle that surfaces once every hundred years (SN 56.48). The story hit me hard — the rarity of human rebirth, and even more so, the rarity of encountering the Buddha’s teachings.

For the first time in a long while, I felt grateful to be alive as my perspective shifted.

It dawned on me: there’s no guarantee I’ll have these same conditions in a future life — no certainty of being human, or finding the Dhamma again. As the Ajahn urged us to make haste in getting as close as possible to the door of Nibbāna in this very life, I made up my mind to practise well and not waste my blessings.

After months of existential nihilism, I had finally found meaning and purpose. I was no longer in a rush to leave this life behind. The retreat also introduced me to DAYWA, an invaluable community of spiritual friends who have anchored me ever since.

Burnout and Relapse

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

Of course, this wasn’t one-and-done. Inspired by the retreat, I dove headfirst into Buddhist books and meditation — only to burn out when progress felt slow or nonexistent. Sometimes, things even felt worse.

I quickly slipped back and found myself still very much shrouded in the dark cloud of depression.

Between my relapses and frequent visits to my psychiatrist and psychologist, I’d turn to my close friends when I felt overwhelmed. Soon enough, I noticed I was repeating myself, and felt like a nuisance despite their reassurance.

I went back to my old pattern of bottling things up, and it was a tumultuous period, made even more turbulent with the passing of my grandmother as well. Eventually, I threw myself into work to feel better about myself, as I found it easier and quicker to seek that validation and gratification that I hadn’t yet achieved in meditation.

Meeting a Teacher Who Saw Through Me

Finding Refuge After Loss and Nihilism

Months later, through the compassion of a DAYWA leader, I was given the rare chance to speak privately with a wise, well-practiced teacher. Her remarkable ability to see through people made me feel deeply vulnerable — there was no hiding from her. As long-suppressed pain resurfaced, her gentle wisdom helped me navigate through it.

Much like muddy water that remains murky when constantly stirred, clinging on to saṅkhāra agitated my mind too frequently. Without a chance for its contents to settle, the swirling emotions seemed permanent. 

She guided me to focus on the cessation of pain rather than its onset, so I could witness its impermanence. Just as sediments in the water settle to the bottom with time when undisturbed, these thoughts and emotions would eventually subside when one leaves them be. 

“Nature is helping you — let it help you.” she said.

While it was scary and easy to be swept away by the strong currents of sentiment, I had to trust that nature would take its course. Thoughts and emotions, however strong, would pass, just like waves crashing in and then retreating.

In a previous conversation with her, she had also pointed out my stubbornness, saying I wouldn’t have stumbled onto this path if I hadn’t suffered so deeply (which, in hindsight, is very true). That comment gave a new meaning to my struggles. I began to frame it as a sort of “canon event” or origin story of a protagonist (think Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse — IYKYK). It helped me shift from victimhood to something a little more light-hearted and empowering.

Looking back, I was incredibly fortunate to have support from family, friends, colleagues, and access to professional care. It was the hardest blow dealt in the softest way possible; hard enough to knock me down so that I’d look for a way out of suffering, but cushioned by the surrounding support so that I still had a chance to get back up.

Learning to Be Patient With Healing

These days, I take a more balanced approach to deepening my knowledge and practice. Slowly, I’m building a new identity — one not defined by the person who left me. No doubt I still have bad days, slight triggers and anxiety about associated topics, people, places and memories. The fear of relapsing hasn’t fully gone.

But now, I do my best to extend compassion to myself. I try to be patient, allowing myself to move at my own pace instead of beating myself up for taking “too long”. Armed with the Buddha’s teachings, and flanked by my support system, and compassionate kalyāṇamittā, I find the courage and strength to pick myself up and try again — one day at a time.


Wise Steps

  • Be kind to yourself during difficult times.
    Recovery is not linear. Avoid berating yourself for being stuck or moving slowly. There’s no fixed timeline for healing.
  • You are not a burden.
    It’s okay to reach out to others. Expressing vulnerability and seeking help are not signs of weakness, nor are they things to feel guilty about. Leaning on your support network is a valid and important part of recovery. Prioritise getting better — you can pay it forward when you’re ready and within capacity.
  • Seek professional help.
    Therapists, psychiatrists, and support groups play a vital role. Sometimes, these challenges require guidance and support beyond what we can achieve on our own. Reaching out to a qualified professional can give us the necessary tools and strategies to navigate these complex issues.
  • Reframe your suffering.
    Changing the narrative can empower you. Whether through gratitude, compassion, or even humor, new perspectives can turn victimhood into resilience.
  • Have faith in impermanence.
    Emotions, thoughts, and pain are like waves — they arise and pass. Trust that, with time and stillness, clarity will return.
Ep 62: A Narrow Heart Is a Fragile Heart  ft. Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven Emma Slade)

Ep 62: A Narrow Heart Is a Fragile Heart ft. Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven Emma Slade)


Summary

In this episode of the Handful of Leaves Podcast, Cheryl speaks with Emma Slade (Ani Pema Deki), a former London investment banker who became a Buddhist nun after a life-changing experience. Together, they explore the tension between modern busyness and spiritual practice, unpacking what happiness, bliss, and resilience truly mean. Emma reflects on Bhutanese attitudes toward life, the challenges lay practitioners face, and the importance of widening our hearts beyond self-interest. She also shares her personal story of faith, karma, and the powerful connection to her teacher that solidified her decision to ordain.

This conversation challenges common assumptions about happiness and invites listeners to reconsider how faith, kindness, and perspective can transform life into a path of genuine freedom.


About the Speaker

👤 Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade) was born in Kent, and was educated at Cambridge University and the University of London where she gained a First Class degree.  She is a qualified Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and worked in Fund Management in London, New York, and Hong Kong. 

A deep seated desire to enquire into the deeper aspects of humanity arise following a life- changing business trip to Jakarta, where she was held hostage at gunpoint. She resigned from her financial career and began exploring yoga and meditation and methods of wellbeing with the ultimate aim of turning a traumatic episode into wisdom and conditions for thriving. 

She qualified as a British Wheel of Yoga teacher in 2003 and, over the last 19 years, has run numerous yoga workshops and retreats. Her interest in Buddhism as a science of the mind strengthened after meeting a Buddhist Lama (teacher) on her first visit to Bhutan in 2011. This crucial chance meeting led to her studying Buddhism with this Lama and, eventually, led to her becoming the first and only Western woman to be ordained in the Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan as a Buddhist nun.


Key Takeaways

True Happiness vs. Samsaric Comfort

Emma Slade emphasizes that happiness rooted in worldly comfort is fragile, while liberation from suffering is the only path to lasting peace.

Small Acts, Big Shifts

Even in a busy modern life, small gestures of kindness and widening one’s perspective can cultivate resilience, compassion, and deeper joy.

The Role of Faith and Karma

Emma’s journey from investment banker to Buddhist nun shows how powerful moments of faith and the unfolding of karma can radically redirect one’s life path.

Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Emma Slade: Are we seeking to be comfortable in samsara? Are we seeking to get comfortable with the reality of suffering? Or are we seeking to liberate from it?

[00:00:13] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves Podcast. My name is Cheryl, and today I’m joined by Emma Slade, also known as  Ani Pema Deki. She once walked the high stakes world of investment banking in London until a near death experience, when she was held at gunpoint in Jakarta. She decided to leave for the mountains in Bhutan to ordain as a nun.

[00:00:35] Cheryl: she will reveal how opening and widening our heart makes us unbreakable. Let’s begin.

[00:00:43] Emma Slade: 50 years ago, there was just a cup of coffee, right? Now there’s a semi skim latte, hazelnut, vegan, free hazelnut coffee or whatever. It’s really quite an undertaking when worldly life, every day it just gets more fascinating. Anybody who’s sincerely wishing to do some practice while still living a worldly life, while I really admire it.

[00:01:05] Emma Slade: Very sincere Buddhist practitioners or spiritual people, even though they have this incredibly busy worldy life, they still feel pulled to do some spiritual development, but it’s so hard for them to find the balance.

[00:01:19] Emma Slade: Practices, prayers, rituals, whatever they are, they take time. That I think is increasingly, that’s the commodity that nobody has. There’s a bit of a conflict there, how do you really train, become aware of your habits and change them without giving the time to it?

[00:01:37] Emma Slade: We look at the great masters, you look at Milarepa, look at Gampopa, if you read their stories, none of them, none of them it was like this, right?

[00:01:46] Emma Slade: We have to be realistic in terms of it’s likely that what you put in is what you get out in most forms of life.

[00:01:53] Cheryl: But then there’s this big conundrum of lay people wanting to have more happiness in their life, but not having enough time to put in the causes for it. Does that mean that lay people they only have to accept that they would be stuck in suffering?

[00:02:14] Emma Slade: It’s a complicated thing. There’s a lot of conditions that need to come together, right? Not only for lay people, for monastic people too. When we look at the texts, there’s a lot of texts which will say, you can do three hours of prayers, but if in that time you were distracted for two and a half hours, then so there’s also the question of intention.

[00:02:33] Emma Slade: We have to look at our motivation because are we seeking to be comfortable in samsara? Are we seeking to be to get comfortable with the reality of suffering? Or are we seeking to liberate from it? When we use the word happiness, usually people are wanting worldly happiness. Usually they’re looking for some way to make their existence un-painful, and comfortable And that’s not what the Buddha taught really because he said that liberation from suffering is the way to permanent unchanging happiness. And the idea that somehow you can be happy in samsara when it’s unreliable and it’s the truth of suffering. So I think when it comes to this word happiness, we kind of have to look at it quite carefully actually.

[00:03:21] Cheryl: Actually, it’s very interesting that you brought that up because when I was looking through your website, I also noticed that your Buddhist name, Ani Pema Deki, it means blissful lotus.

[00:03:33] Emma Slade: That’s right. Trying for that. These names, they’re always aspirational. So we have to bear that in mind.

[00:03:39] Cheryl: What’s your take on the word “bliss” at this point? And what is one common misunderstanding that society in general have about this word about “bliss” and “happiness”?

[00:03:50] Emma Slade: Oh gosh, that’s a big question. Yeah. So in Vajrayana practice you’ll see the word “joy” and different levels of joy being spoken about. And you will see the word “bliss” and you’ll often see bliss and emptiness that arising together.

[00:04:11] Emma Slade: And now these are mental states naturally arising from the results of Dharma practice. And they’re usually spoken about as the results of increasing experience and increasing realisation, and they are not manufactured.

[00:04:28] Emma Slade: They are seen as something which when the clouds of confusion are removed, then these states will kind of naturally show themselves. There’s something which is not that effortful about them.

[00:04:42] Emma Slade: For experience of joy or bliss to arise, my understanding is that you can’t kind of make that happen. It’s more like when it’s effortless that those feelings arise.

[00:04:54] Emma Slade: When I think back on my life before I was a nun, you have good things happen. But from my small experience, I can’t really equate any kind of experience of joy or bliss from dedicated Dharma practice to those experiences, they seem quite different to me.

[00:05:10] Emma Slade: Because the worldly joy or bliss, just from my perspective now, it looks very manufactured and very temporary because it doesn’t protect you from feeling bad two days later. It changes. It disperses. It’s not very stable.

[00:05:27] Cheryl: Bhutan is known for being the happiest country in the world. What is the difference you notice in people living there and people living in, maybe UK or Hong Kong where you were living at before becoming a nun?

[00:05:41] Emma Slade: Firstly, now that many areas and countries and institutions have been trying to quantify happiness, in some of those studies, Bhutan doesn’t do frighteningly well. The Scandinavian countries appear to be at the top of the list there. You probably know from your life if you think maybe if I asked you on Sunday how happy you were and then I asked you on Thursday how happy you are.

[00:06:06] Emma Slade: You may not have the same number. So I think that there’s lots of questions about how we really quantify this and many of my experiences in Bhutan, I think in some ways they’re not actually captured in the indices. So, for example, in Bhutan, often people are incredibly accepting of challenges and obstacles. They’re very mentally resilient to them, I feel some of those qualities and attitudes that I’ve seen protect people from clinging to difficulty, ruminating on it, continuing to suffer because of it. So I feel like officially Bhutan, is not at the top of the pile of happy countries. But the attitudes that I’ve encountered, the way people support each other, they stick together in times of difficulty.

[00:06:53] Emma Slade: Quite amazing. And of course they have the bedrock of Dhamma, the bedrock of great faith and belief in many lifetimes in rebirth. They don’t have that clinging to this one life, which I think again, is this very helpful attitude for ensuring that we’re less vulnerable to the ups and downs of a worldly life.

[00:07:16] Cheryl: What are one or two things that we could learn that we could apply to become more content, more resilient in our busy lives?

[00:07:25] Emma Slade: Even in a busy life, sometimes it’s only gonna take two minutes to help somebody with their bag, give somebody a smile on the tube. Send a message to somebody is dealing with something difficult. Even in a busy life, you can just stretch a little to be a little bit more thoughtful, a little bit more kind.

[00:07:45] Emma Slade: Try to make your contribution to the world more than just your own existence, right? Even in a busy life. If you have a bit more time, you could do some reflection on what is your motivation. Is your motivation always for yourself? Is it for yourself and a few people? Is it for yourself at a wider circle of people? How narrow is your view of things? Who are you really dedicating your time and your intelligence and your efforts to?

[00:08:14] Emma Slade: And vast happiness will come from connecting to a vast number of beings, whether with your mind or with your activity. So you may be somebody who’s very busy, but you may curiously be in a position where you could help a lot of beings without too much effort because you may be very good in computers or with a network. I think it’s also worth checking how your view of yourself is, and don’t spend too much time ruminating on negative ideas about yourself or others. It’s just a waste of time. It’s a waste of energy.

[00:08:50] Cheryl: I was having a very interesting conversation with a friend and I was sharing that the way to have a meaningful life is to be of benefit to oneself and of benefit to others. Mm-hmm. And she shared with me: “Why bother about anyone outside of your family and loved ones?” And I thought that was a very interesting perspective that many modern people hold. Like, why bother? Why care? Why should we not be selfish?

[00:09:20] Emma Slade: So when you say that, I just imagine a heart that’s very like this, right? And it says, okay, these are the people I’m gonna think about and care about.

[00:09:27] Emma Slade: And all of these ones I’m not gonna bother with. How does that sound as a recipe for living your life?

[00:09:32] Cheryl: Restricted. Even as you’re saying, I’m feeling all the tension.

[00:09:35] Emma Slade: Yeah. And to be honest, in this little thing that we’ve created here where there’s us and maybe five other people, right? What do we know when we look at human existence in the course of a human life? Is it usually the people that are closest to you, the ones you have the biggest arguments with?

[00:09:51] Cheryl and Emma: Yes.

[00:09:52] Emma Slade: Think of the number of people that get divorced. Think a number of people that fall out with their parents or their siblings right? So then what happens? No breadth of connection, which will also support you if this area becomes tricky.

[00:10:04] Emma Slade: So, just in a kind of selfish way, you are hedging your bets a bit more carefully if you it’s like an investment, you don’t put all your eggs in one basket. It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone, very easy. But from a Buddhist point of view, that’s not the way to enlightenment.

[00:10:23] Emma Slade: Being something like a Bodhisattva, working for the benefit of others is about deliberately beginning to stretch your comfort zone. So your heart and your mind become wider and wider until they have the limitless qualities of love and compassion, etc. That’s what Buddhism offers. To me that’s much more appealing than this, this idea.

[00:10:47] Emma Slade: As humans, we have this incredible mental faculty to make decisions about how we want to live, who we want to help, how we want to contribute or not.

[00:10:57] Emma Slade: These are decisions that worms in the ground and birds in the air don’t really have the choice to make. I mean, that’s the amazing thing about having the opportunity to have a human life, isn’t it?

[00:11:07] Cheryl: And I guess speaking of jolting experiences, I would love to hear from you firsthand, how you became a Buddhist, and I think one word that really caught my attention is the idea of faith, from becoming a Buddhist, to becoming a nun. How did that journey happen?

[00:11:26] Emma Slade: I really wanted to be interested in Buddhism from a very young age, and particularly meditation. I just thought, what is that? That looks intriguing. And so I became a Buddhist.

[00:11:39] Emma Slade: And then obviously when I went to Bhutan for the first time in 2011 and I met the person who was to be my teacher for those first few years.

[00:11:47] Emma Slade: And it was him who suggested or told me to become a monastic. It definitely felt more like an order. And I’ve been a nun now for 13 years, which I can’t quite believe because it sounds like a long, long time actually.

[00:12:03] Emma Slade: Not everyone will be a monastic, and I always feel whenever I’m eating some food or reading a book, thank goodness not everybody’s a monastic, or I would be starving to death with nothing to eat and nothing to read. But I think for me it’s definitely the right path.

[00:12:19] Cheryl: Tell me more, because it sounds like there’s a lot of faith that you had in your teacher as well.

[00:12:24] Emma Slade: We have these moments in your life where everything is just so clear and obvious, like there’s not any other option.

[00:12:30] Emma Slade: Most of the time we’re like, “Do I want to eat spaghetti or eat potatoes?” Or whatever. We’re constantly in this confused state of, “do I want it, do I not want it?” That’s the nature of samsara. And you have these very powerful moments of faith where all of that confusion drops away and it’s just so clear what to do. And I think I had a couple of moments like that in my journey in Bhutan.

[00:12:53] Emma Slade: When I first met my teacher in Bhutan, when I heard his voice for the first time, it’s just like a thunderbolt. It’s just a very powerful experience. And you don’t kind of think, “why is that interesting? Why is it because it’s got such a low tone or whatever?”

[00:13:08] Emma Slade: It’s just, “wow, there’s some connection here that’s very powerful, very obvious.”

[00:13:17] Emma Slade: And with that degree of connectedness, it gives you a strength to want to practice and study and return to them and gain their help and continue. So faith supports you in your wish to make progress. It stops you giving up. It is this connectedness, you don’t feel as if you’re just kind of on your own, somehow it helps to make the whole landscape so much bigger than just you. And I think that’s extremely helpful for practice.

[00:13:49] Emma Slade: In text they often say to examine a teacher before becoming their student. But it’s also possible to have these very powerful momentary experiences, because you can’t just order one on Amazon. If you have a teacher you profoundly connect with, you really are inspired to study and practice, how lucky to have that.

[00:14:09] Cheryl: But it’s so interesting that your affinity with Tibetan Buddhism I, I didn’t read about your childhood but I assumed you grew up in UK?

[00:14:21] Emma Slade: Yes, that’s right.

[00:14:22] Cheryl: Oh, so like, different countries.

[00:14:24] Emma Slade: Yes, I know. I think that when I’m in the mountains of Bhutan, I’m at like 3000 meters. And then I was born at sea level. My Lama just said it’s just kamma. You just have very, very strong kamma. All the texts say only the Buddha can really understand the full workings of karma, so I’m not gonna attempt to take a stab at it. But for some reason, everything for me seems to ripen in Bhutan. Kamma is a very difficult thing to fully understand, but I think when you begin to see it working in your life, then you’re gonna like, well, I don’t really get how this works, but I am not gonna doubt it.

[00:15:03] Emma Slade: Who thought that, a girl born in Whitstable in England would end up spending half a time in Bhutan and then fully ordained there. It’s kind of crazy. I feel like my whole life has a testament to the power of kamma.

[00:15:18] Emma Slade: (stay tuned for part 2?) Not finding what we desire is suffering, and that’s such an important suffering.

[00:15:25] Emma Slade: They don’t have the job they like, they don’t have the partner that makes them, I don’t know what, they don’t like their boss, right? These are all mental states that arise from being in difficult circumstances, it leads us to be in a state of suffering based on aversion.


Resources:

Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade)’s website – https://www.emmaslade.com/

Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Emma Slade)’s charity fundraiser – https://www.openingyourhearttobhutan.com/


Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/


Editors and Transcribers of this episode:

Hong Jiayi, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


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Ep 61: How I Built a $200M Business Without Crossing These 5 Lines ft. Ying Cong

Ep 61: How I Built a $200M Business Without Crossing These 5 Lines ft. Ying Cong

https://youtu.be/-Uxw9ivl8Tw


Summary

What happens when a startup founder takes Buddhist precepts seriously — not just in meditation halls, but in high-pressure boardrooms and tough layoff conversations? In this candid episode, we speak with Ying Cong, co-founder of Glints, on what it means to lead a company without losing yourself. He shares how his practice of the Dhamma has shaped everything from how he hires and manages people, to how he navigates co-founder conflict and difficult decisions — all while trying to be firm in kindness.


About the Speaker

👤 Ying Cong is a long-time meditator and the co-founder of Glints, a leading career platform in Southeast Asia. Over the past decade, he helped scale the company from an idea incubated by JFDI to a regional startup featured in major publications like The Straits Times and Yahoo News. As Glints’ former CTO and current machine learning engineer, he has worked on recommender systems, fraud detection, and data infrastructure—though he jokes that most of it is just “glorified data cleaning.”

His Dhamma journey began in his teenage years and continues to deepen through regular meditation, observing the precepts, and periods of monastic training in the Thai forest tradition. He is quietly exploring how to balance the responsibilities of lay life with the path of practice.


Key Takeaways

Holding the five precepts builds deep trust

While startup life often celebrates “hustle at all costs,” Ying Cong stuck to his precepts — even when pitching investors. Over time, however, this radical transparency became a strength. Colleagues began to trust him deeply, even sharing difficult truths others couldn’t access.

Culture is shaped by how you show up, not what you say

From hiring to meetings, people look to the leader to understand what’s “normal.” When Ying Cong opened up about uncertainty and shared his misgivings, others followed suit. But when leaders modelled secrecy or pure task-focus, people shut down.

Every employee is carrying something

After managing 40–50 people over 11 years, Ying Cong observed something simple yet powerful: “Everyone is suffering, to some extent. The only question is how much they show you.” Being present and listening with care — not just for what’s said, but for what’s held back — often reveals what’s really going on beneath performance issues or disengagement.

Transcript

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Cheryl: Has there ever been a moment in your career where you were not able to hold your five precepts?

[00:00:06] Ying Cong: No. No. It’s been, that was my inviolable principles, uh, ever since, uh, I was young. I have, okay, there are situations where I’ve come close.

[00:00:24] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast, a Southeast Asian platform sharing Buddhist wisdom for happier life. My name is Cheryl, the host for today’s podcast, and my guest today is Ying Cong, who is the co-founder of Glints recruitment platform that has expanded to eight markets.

[00:00:46] Cheryl: I just wanted to catch on a word that you said, you know, treating people, uh, your team like a family.

[00:00:50] Ying Cong: Mm-hmm.

[00:00:51] Cheryl: Right. In one of your articles you wrote about how you always struggled a little bit about personal boundaries.

[00:00:59] Ying Cong: Ah, yeah.

[00:01:00] Cheryl: So, like, you know, you are friendly with everyone, but you also don’t want to be too close.

[00:01:04] Ying Cong: Yes. Yeah.

[00:01:05] Cheryl: How did that work with treating everyone as family?

[00:01:09] Ying Cong: I’ve since stopped adopting that lens, uh, when it comes to colleagues and you treat your employees as family, um, there’s a lot of unspoken assumptions around that. So one of it is that they will never, never leave you. Right? And, and in this lifetime at least they’ll stick to you through, uh, thick and thin and also vice versa.

[00:01:31] Ying Cong: You will never abandon them. Hmm. But it’s just not realistic in a company, right? People do, uh, underperform for various reasons. Sometimes they perform very well in the first few years, and then their motivation shift or the job scope change. In a startup, you’re always changing. You’re growing, right, and the roles expand very quickly.

[00:01:48] Ying Cong: And it does come to a point where even the people that you cherish the most, sometimes they can’t live up to the job scope or you can’t live up to their expectations and you have to have that conversation to leave. When I was treating my employees as family, um, those conversations were much harder.

[00:02:05] Ying Cong: I tend to avoid them, um, because who would ever fire your own brother or sister? It’s like, it’s very heartless thing to do, right?

[00:02:12] Ying Cong: Yeah. Yeah. But then when in a company setting, actually the more heartless thing to do is to let them to continue to underperform in a role where, you know, they’re no longer suited for. Because their self esteem will start taking a hit. And the company doesn’t benefit from it.

[00:02:28] Ying Cong: And you also, um, compromise on the other employees who depend on them. Yeah, so, so I started to draw that boundary, like, okay, we treat each other with respect, right? We also build that relationship at certain times where we are outside of work, but when it comes to work, there’s a clear boundary about, okay, this is what you have to perform, uh, and this is what the company can give to you, right?

[00:02:50] Ying Cong: So you have to make those boundaries, underlying boundaries very clear in your mind, and also when you talk to the employees. Um, but of course the close danger of that is it becomes too transactional.

[00:03:01] Cheryl: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[00:03:02] Ying Cong: It becomes like, oh, you gave me this, I give you that.

[00:03:03] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:03:04] Ying Cong: Right. So it just becomes a balance. You do have to, at some certain moments, you do find that relationships, like during one-on-ones, don’t just talk about work. Mm-hmm. I know some managers do that. They just talk about what, just what you got done, how can I help you to get the next thing done?

[00:03:17] Cheryl: Yep.

[00:03:17] Ying Cong: Right. Um, but the best managers I’ve seen, they are also sensitive to the employees underlying needs.

[00:03:23] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:03:24] Ying Cong: And once you, once you do that, when I’ve been, I, I think I managed maybe close to 40, 50 people on and off across the 11 years. Right. And I, I noticed one thing is that everyone is suffering to a certain extent. Mm. Um, it is just about how much they tell you about it. Mm. Right. Even the happiest and cheeriest employees, the most upbeat ones, there’s always something that’s bothering them.

[00:03:46] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:03:46] Ying Cong: Right. And it can be very obvious things, very immediate thing like, oh, my immediate family member passed away or is having a illness. Or it can be very subtle things, sometimes they just can’t really articulate it. Mm-hmm. Like for a lot of my employees when I was running the Vietnam team, they felt that maybe the strategy wasn’t too clear.

[00:04:04] Ying Cong: Right. But it’s a very underlying feeling and they don’t know what the next direction is for their lives because of this. So there’s some uncertainty.

[00:04:11] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:04:11] Ying Cong: And when you talk to them and you really listen, uh, with your heart then these kind of things start to bubble up.

[00:04:17] Cheryl: Mm. Yeah.

[00:04:17] Ying Cong: Because they will first tell about their work. That’s a very immediate thing. And they’re tell about immediate family life. They’ll tell you about facts. Mm. But you can just see in the way they talk to you where they hesitate a little bit or, um, they have this little bit of holding back about telling you certain things, and that’s when you can sort of pick up, oh, okay, maybe certain things are not going all too well over here.

[00:04:38] Ying Cong: So then you can ask. So you ask them for permission, “I can ask you about this?”, and then they give you permission and you can talk about it.

[00:04:44] Cheryl: Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I, I think, wow, the people under you are very lucky to have you. Someone like you as a manager who really listens and want to understand them in a holistic way. Yes. Yet being firm in being kind. Yeah. Not just nice by showing respect to them.

[00:05:02] Ying Cong: Imagine right when you’re under a lot of pressure from your board or your leaders above you to achieve a certain target. Then if you are not very mindful about it and in what conditions, sometimes you’re not mindful, especially about relation, the softer stuff like, uh, you, you are maybe seen as too soft, if you are too soft to your employees too, and then you are trying to just push that down to the next level, right?

[00:05:24] Ying Cong: But then for me, as part of that whole, you know, journey of transformation, like what the startup journey meant to me, one of the things I also realized is that, you know, that connection that you have people.

[00:05:35] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:05:36] Ying Cong: That is actually what makes me come alive. Mm. No matter how momentary it is, how fleeting it is. Mm. As long as I come in the contact you and there’s a, there’s a personal connection. Mm. Right. That actually makes the day very meaningful to me. Yeah. Yeah. So little things. These are little things. These are little things.

[00:05:51] Cheryl: Yeah. Nice. And how do you translate individual meaning, individual significance to a team or even a regional team?

[00:05:59] Ying Cong: Yeah, that is the difficult part. Um, because you realize things are very difficult to change and the hardest thing to change of all is other people. Even, even though they are working in a hierarchy under you, right? You were hired, uh, they were hired by you. Uh, it is very hard to change people.

[00:06:18] Ying Cong: Right, though, uh, you can influence a certain culture. So the way I look at it is: culture — when you hire people, they usually fall within a certain range. So let’s say, let’s say for me, I do value people who are very open and transparent, who value connection, uh, who are also quite, uh, on the ball about their task, right?

[00:06:40] Ying Cong: So you can break it down into certain sort of knobs that you see, like in a culture. So like transparency, there are cultures that are very transparent and cultures that are very opaque, right. Then being on the ball: there are cultures that are more task-oriented and more relationship-oriented. Mm-hmm.

[00:06:53] Ying Cong: So each of these things that when you hire people, they fall within a certain range. Mm. And then how you act as a leader day to day influences how, where they fall within that range. Mm. Yeah. Because when people come into any certain setting, um, any certain social setting and company is one of them, they tend to look up to the leader to set the tone.

[00:07:13] Cheryl: Yeah.

[00:07:13] Ying Cong: Because they’re not, they, they’re not the ones who founded this company. They don’t know what to, to, to think or to feel yet,

[00:07:19] Cheryl: or what’s acceptable.

[00:07:20] Ying Cong: Or what’s acceptable. Yeah. What’s, what’s the norm. So they look up to the leader for a range of what the norm is as well as their peers. Yeah. So I find that if I model the behavior that I want to see in my employees, where I’m very open about sharing about my misgivings or my feelings or things that I thought about the strategy that I’m not so sure about, then it really opens them up to share also their misgivings.

[00:07:44] Ying Cong: Right. And they become more vulnerable at the same time. I also seen it the other way around when we hire new leaders and these leaders have a very different setting from me. Right. More task-oriented, a little bit more opaque. Right. And then people start to clam up.

[00:07:57] Cheryl: Right.

[00:07:58] Ying Cong: They’ll be more efficient in the short term, but they’ll clam up in the long run. And, and so it is really, it does come down from the leader. The leader, how you model your behavior in meetings, in all your interactions. It will trickle down, uh, to the, to the whole employee base after, after a certain time.

[00:08:13] Cheryl: But do you ever run into the, I guess, hiring fallacy of hiring people that are more like you? Mm, yeah. Yes. And yeah. Then how do you counter that? For example, you know, you are giving the example of the leader who was very different.

[00:08:26] Ying Cong: Yes, yes.

[00:08:27] Cheryl: But I’m sure he also brings with him a lot of benefit.

[00:08:30] Ying Cong: That’s right. That’s right. That’s right.

[00:08:31] Cheryl: How you maintain that, right?

[00:08:32] Ying Cong: That is, that is one of the difficult part about… like you can never be perfect. So there’s a reason why we hired that leader and he’s still with us, and because he’s making impact in a certain way. The problem… yeah, we made the problem in the beginning.

[00:08:46] Ying Cong: We hire a lot of people who are very, uh, friendly, very warm. And, uh, a a flip side of that is that you tend to not address fundamental problems in the company so head-on.

[00:09:00] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:09:00] Ying Cong: Yeah. So, yeah. So we brought on this leader because, uh, he was a good contrast to us. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He could, right in the first interview and the first meeting, he really made it very clear to employee base, okay, these are the problems that I see in the company that I feel we have to address.

[00:09:14] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:09:15] Ying Cong: Right? But then the balance that he need to strike is that he has to abide by certain inviolable principles that you want to have as a company. So one of the inviolable principles that we realize that we want to have, because there are people who violated them, is that you want to do this in a constructive spirit. Do it in the spirit of “let’s build this back together”.

[00:09:35] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:09:35] Ying Cong: Because we have hired leaders who also have that critical mindset, very objective, but they have the mindset of, oh, “everyone in the past they did a bad job.” Mm-hmm. Right? “Let me take this all down. And I do it my own way.” Right. It is not a collaborative, constructive, “build this together” kind of mindset.

[00:09:52] Ying Cong: And that’s caused a tremendous amount of damage in the culture, in the business. Yeah. So to answer your question, to summarize it very succinctly, right, is you want to have a base of inviolable principles, sort of like a, in Buddhism we have the five precepts that are inviolable. Yeah. Right. The foundation.

[00:10:10] Ying Cong: But then above that base you can have very different configurations and that gives you contrast and that gives you diversity as a leadership team. Yeah.

[00:10:19] Cheryl: Beautiful. One very interesting thing that I want to ask you: has there ever been a moment in your career where you were not able to hold your five precepts?

[00:10:29] Ying Cong: No. No. It’s been, that was my inviolable principles, uh, ever since, uh, I, I was young. I have… okay, there are situations where I’ve come close.

[00:10:42] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:42] Ying Cong: And usually the principle about not lying.

[00:10:45] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:10:46] Ying Cong: There’s the principle that we are taught not to lie, but actually if you read the sutta more closely, actually there’s some variations of it where there’s stronger forms of it, where you don’t even tell white lies or you don’t embellish the truth and you try not to, you don’t gossip also.

[00:11:02] Ying Cong: Right. Nothing that’s divisive. So I come close to that when you have to pitch to investors and, and I, I made a mistake where I was sharing too openly about all the problems in the company. I remember there was this one investor meeting where my co-founder brought me and they were pitching AI, yeah, as one of the, uh, one of the value propositions or the competitive advantages of Glints, and then I just came into the meeting and this investor asked me, “Hey, so how’s the AI?” Then I say, “Oh, not very good yet. Still a lot of things to work on. Very basic at the moment.”

[00:11:36] Cheryl: Oh no.

[00:11:38] Ying Cong: Then my co-founder like, just face palm silently in the back and after the meeting he told me, “Hey, can you don’t do that or not? Doesn’t help my case at all.” The investors did join, uh, still invested eventually because of other reasons. Yeah. So I had to learn to manage that.

[00:11:56] Ying Cong: Right. So I still… but I still hold my line. I wouldn’t tell a, an explicit lie. Mm. But I would see the situation and actually the Buddha did talk about this, like, what’s the right thing to say at the right time?

[00:12:07] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:12:07] Ying Cong: Right. So I, I know that wasn’t very helpful to my co-founder at, at the very least. Right. So I, I learned that there are many ways you can present the facts that’s still being truthful.

[00:12:18] Ying Cong: Right. But it’s more aligned to what this, what the situation cause for. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. So, so I learned in, in certain meetings I would say, uh, when you ask about the situation of the AI, I tell them, “okay, this is the current foundation that we are building and this is where we, we feel like we can get to. And this, uh, this is a roadmap to getting there.”

[00:12:36] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:12:36] Ying Cong: Instead of just being saying, “oh, we’re not there. It’s very basic.”

[00:12:39] Cheryl: Yeah. It is about packaging the truth in a way that’s beneficial for yourself and others. Yes. It’s a very difficult, um, thing to balance, especially when there’s so much pressure to, to get some investors money and, and all that.

[00:12:55] Ying Cong: Correct. Correct. Correct, correct, correct.

[00:12:56] Cheryl: But have you seen how the five precepts protected you in the workplace?

[00:13:02] Ying Cong: Yeah, it’s protected me in other ways. I think the biggest one is when you are consistently truthful, and when sometimes to your own detriment, then people will trust you actually.

[00:13:14] Ying Cong: Mm, yeah. People will trust you. So the people in my company know me as like the principal who, who was a monk before. And, and they do trust me with very, uh, some very personal sharings.

[00:13:27] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:13:27] Ying Cong: Because they know that I always tell them, I always share the truth, even when it’s ugly from the management team or the leadership team, from a strategy perspective.

[00:13:37] Ying Cong: I tell them, okay, this is what exactly is difficult for the next phase that we are going into. I still remember, um, this, this also during the COVID period, uh, where we have eventually to, to lay off, uh, a portion of employee base in order to save the company. PR/ marketing team person, she wanted me to lead that message first, right?

[00:14:00] Ying Cong: Because in the past, uh, we, we had slightly different, slightly different approaches like with me and my co-founder, my CEO. So he’s more polished, right? Mm-hmm. You try to frame the message in a way that’s palatable, um, easy to digest for the employee base. So in the past, for example, the PR crisis, you try to frame it in a way that saying that, okay, yeah, we stand strong.

[00:14:21] Ying Cong: It wouldn’t affect us so much. But then my approach was slightly different and I was like, okay, this is exactly what happened. This is exactly what we screwed up and this is what we can do better. Mm-hmm. Right? And I find employees over time, they, they respond to the second way better. Mm-hmm.

[00:14:37] Ying Cong: Right? Um, when you, when you treat them as intelligent human beings, they also respond in kind. They’ll see you as someone trustworthy. Right. So, so yes, it is helped me in that way. So we find that many times right when employees leave us, it is not because, the company was going through difficult times.

[00:14:54] Ying Cong: Mm. It’s because when we go through difficult times and we didn’t tell them the whole truth. Mm. Then that’s when they felt like the trust has been broken. Yeah. There was a period in time when our, after our Series A, uh, before our Series A, we were running out of cash. We were actually down to two months of payroll and it was a team of 15 people.

[00:15:10] Ying Cong: And we sat him around the table and we, I, I… and we told them very, very honestly. We only have two months of payroll left. We’re not sure whether we can close this next round.

[00:15:20] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:21] Ying Cong: But if you want to leave, you can. We are, we can leave on good terms. We can pay you the last two months of pay.

[00:15:27] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:28] Ying Cong: And then everyone stayed. Mm-hmm. Everyone stayed for that. The reason because we were honest and, and they wanted, they wanted to stick through to see what happened next. Mm-hmm. But then there were periods where we were less than honest, less than open about what’s going on in the company.

[00:15:41] Ying Cong: Like a leader left, right, because of some mismanagement on our part. And we didn’t tell them the full truth. We told them, oh, this person left because of their personal reasons. Mm. And people just immediately after the announcement come ask me, “Hey, is that true or not?”

[00:15:56] Cheryl: They know you will tell the truth.

[00:15:57] Ying Cong: “Tell me the real truth.” So I tell them.

[00:16:03] Cheryl: But can you also tell me about the biggest disagreement that you’ve had with your co-founders and how did you use Buddhist principles to overcome that?

[00:16:12] Ying Cong: The biggest one, the hardest one was when our third co-founder, uh, left us, we split. So we started off with three co-founders and we ran it for five years, and then we, around the fourth to fifth year, my current CEO, Oswald, and this co-founder who left, they started having major disagreements around vision, right? Where the company should go. That’s the biggest one, but also the underlying one that has been pegging them is difference in philosophy.

[00:16:44] Cheryl: Mm-hmm.

[00:16:45] Ying Cong: Um, this other co-founder who left, he was more process-driven. He’s much more about being very scrappy and going for quick wins. Right. Whereas Oswald, he’s about the bigger vision, where we can go in the long run and let’s not do things just for this small quick win in the short run. Yeah. And it is both perfectly valid, right. Um, both have very valid approaches.

[00:17:06] Cheryl: And what was your philosophy?

[00:17:08] Ying Cong: Me. Back then I was just interested in building the tech. Mm. Right. So I was like the neutral third party. Sometimes I come in to try to manage it, but unwillingly, begrudgingly. Uh, so I was also caught in between both of them.

[00:17:19] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:17:19] Ying Cong: Right. Uh, but this was building up for quite some time already. Even when we first —

[00:17:23] Cheryl: simmering.

[00:17:23] Ying Cong: Yeah. Just simmering in background, you know. When we first started the company, we already knew there were some differences, but we didn’t, we thought, okay, you can, people are really like, you can, you know, just be resolved over time.

[00:17:32] Ying Cong: So we just started building and building and building until eventually there was this, uh, internship business where we are helping polytechnics do internship trips to Jakarta, to different Southeast Asian markets. And we were charging for that. It was doing a good, a good amount of, uh, cash flow but that was it. They can’t, the business, you know, is not scalable. It cannot grow.

[00:17:54] Cheryl: Mm.

[00:17:54] Ying Cong: So this co-founder, like who eventually left right, he wanted to keep growing, growing that, trying to keep pushing and putting more resources in it. Um, but Oswald and I saw that, okay, maybe it, it’s quite clear this can’t scale, um, but we avoided a conversation for a while. Um, we just skirted around it and say, Hey, can you, yeah, this, there’s this problem, but you just keep running and see where you can go.

[00:18:16] Ying Cong: And then eventually the, the truth was very obvious. It can’t, it can’t grow anymore and we have to, uh, shut it down in order to grow this other part of business, which is more promising.

[00:18:25] Ying Cong: And it became very personal because this was his idea, this was his baby, and it was like him versus us, kind of a dynamic, uh, at the very end. So there, there came a point where we felt like, eventually Oswald and him couldn’t work together anymore. And now I was caught in between and they asked me to decide, oh, what should next step be?

[00:18:46] Cheryl: Oh no they (push the responsibility) taichi it to you to make the tough decision.

[00:18:48] Ying Cong: Yeah, because I was a neutral third party right. So I was caught in between and I really didn’t know what to do. It was, it was so, such a difficult, I was close friends with, uh, both of them. And then I thought, okay, in such situations, what would the Buddha do?

[00:19:05] Ying Cong: Like what, what would I be taught when I was learning from my teachers in the past? How would they approach this kind of situation? And first of all, what I did was, um, I, I first took away the emotions. Just from a very detached point of view, look at, from the business fundamentals, what’s the path that we will approach.

[00:19:21] Ying Cong: Mm-hmm. Right? And that, that came much more naturally to me because of the meditation practice. You’re always taught to, at a certain point, look at your emotions. Look at feelings from a third person’s point of view. Mm. Okay. Yeah. How much suffering is it causing you? And I was doing that for the business.

[00:19:37] Ying Cong: Mm. Then after I made the business decision, it is around how do you then execute that business decision in a way that’s the most compassionate, uh, to both parties, to everyone involved. And, and, and, and that was the approach I took. So you, you first approach it with wisdom, a little bit more calculated, but with wisdom then you then apply it with, uh, compassion after the decision has been made.

[00:20:01] Ying Cong: Yeah. So that’s the approach I took, I first told everyone, this is the, the cold hard facts, right? We can’t avoid this. This business cannot grow. This is where it’s more promising. Uh, this is where we need to go. Right. And then it was about, uh, approaching with them in the, in the most compassionate way.

[00:20:18] Ying Cong: So it’s like telling the co-founder, “I know that you have built this for this, this amount of time. I know it’s your baby and we acknowledge all the efforts that you put in. Um, but this is why I think we cannot go on any further.” Mm.

[00:20:29] Cheryl: Right.

[00:20:29] Ying Cong: So, and then

[00:20:30] Cheryl: so compassion seems to me, um, is by acknowledging the effort that a person put in. Yeah. Um, and showing a lot of gratitude to the, to what they’ve done and contributed.

[00:20:39] Ying Cong: Correct.

[00:20:39] Cheryl: Anything else?

[00:20:40] Ying Cong: Correct. Correct. I think those two actually go very far already.

[00:20:44] Cheryl: Yeah.

[00:20:44] Ying Cong: Because, I’m not sure, if you have been in the business world for 10 years, you realize that sometimes it is in quite short supply just acknowledging a person’s efforts, being grateful for what they’ve done. Right. Um, and also it’s, and also acknowledging that the friendship between both of you isn’t affected by this decision. Right.

[00:21:03] Cheryl: Is it really though?

[00:21:07] Ying Cong: For me, it was true, like I kept it because a big part of why sometimes people don’t dare to make these kind of decisions about letting people go or shutting down a business is because they are affected. They’re afraid that this person might feel, uh, excluded, right, or left out. And I’ve been on the other, I’ve been on the receiving end too, when I have to, I’ve been informed that my business unit has been shut down.

[00:21:27] Ying Cong: Mm. Right. And the biggest fear that I have is, well, I lose my, uh, my identity in this group where they start to reject me. Will I be, will I be ostracized? Yeah. So that is something that you have to assure, uh, right up front also. Yeah. So this is a part of that connection. You, you start to see these fears when you are open to that person’s, uh, inner, inner thoughts and inner feelings.

[00:21:50] Cheryl: Yeah. Wow. And that really reminds me about a sutta about metta, which is, I think it’s in the Dhammapada. Mm-hmm. Where, you know, all beings just like us, fear death, fear pain. Yes. And only want to be happy. Yeah. Um, I think we will find a quote later and insert it somewhere here. Yeah. Um, but yeah, really being able to see the same fears that you have, um, exist in other people, even in difficult situations.

[00:22:19] Ying Cong: Exactly.

[00:22:19] Cheryl: And speak to that.

[00:22:20] Ying Cong: Exactly. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. For me, one of the biggest change that helped with that empathy right, was when I stood down as a CTO. Uh, and then, uh, I was leading a small team, and then there were, then, now I stood down, stood out that position again from complete management perspective, and I played a individual contributor role. Mm. And from a very conventional perspective, that seems like a demotion.

[00:22:44] Cheryl: Mm. Right.

[00:22:44] Ying Cong: But for me, it would just open up so many perspectives. Now I see things from also an individual contributor’s point of view. Mm. And I can empathize a lot of what the leaders say, how, how it actually affects the employees.

[00:22:55] Ying Cong: Mm. Right. There are a lot of fears that I have as leaders, uh, actually the employees have it by a slightly different form. Right. So, so to me that was very eye-opening, being able to play different roles and then you can see, oh, this is what they, how they felt when I say that, okay, now I’ll approach it differently the next time. Yeah, yeah.

[00:23:12] Cheryl: There’s a massive learning ground when you take on all the different hats without the ego of like, oh, this is demoting me. Correct, correct, correct. I’m co-founder.

[00:23:20] Ying Cong: Can always lean on the co-founder title.

[00:23:25] Cheryl: I’m very inspired by Ying Cong’s sharing and how he applies various aspects of his business from growing a, a team, leading a team and even to navigating disagreements between his co-founders and what I’ll be taking away is to have a giving competition with my friends and my colleagues. So thank you very much Ying Cong for coming on today’s episode. I hope you join us again. So, so to all our listeners, see you in the next episode. Stay happy and wise.


Resources:

Ying Cong’s article on giving: https://handfulofleaves.life/how-seeking-to-balance-everything-nearly-cost-me-my-relationship/


Special thanks to our sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee


Editor of this episode:

Aparajita Ghose

Website: aparajitayoga.com


Transcriber of this episode:

Tan Si Jing, Cheryl Cheah, Bernice Bay


Visual and Sound Effects

Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan


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