Summary
In this episode of Handful of Leaves, Sister Sylvia Bay addresses the journey of overcoming anger through Buddhist teachings and mindfulness practices. It emphasises the importance of contentment, acceptance, and the Buddhist concept of Anattฤ, or non-self, which challenges the notion that we have complete control over our emotions and behaviours. By embracing love and compassion consistently, one can begin to alter negative mental habits and foster a more peaceful mindset. The discussion highlights a three-step approach: avoiding harm, doing good, and purifying the mind.
About the Speaker
Sylvia Bay has been dedicated to the study and practice of Buddha’s teaching since 1992. She graduated with a B.A. (Hons) First Class, in Buddhist Studies, from the Buddhist and Pali University of Sri Lanka in 2000 and joined the teaching staff of the Buddhist and Pali College (Singapore) in 2001. Since 2002, Sylvia has also been a regular speaker on Buddhist doctrine, Buddhist history, and the practical application of the Buddha’s teachings in daily life, at the invitation of various Buddhist organisations in Singapore. She published her first book in May 2014: the 1st volume of a 2-part series on the life of the Buddha which is titled, “Between The Lines: An Analytical Appreciation of Buddha’s Life”. Volume 2 was launched on Vesak day of year 2015. Sylvia also holds a B.Soc.Sci (Hons) from NUS and a Masters in International Public Policy (M.I.P.P) from School of Advanced International Studies (SAIS), Johns Hopkins.
Key Takeaways
Acceptance of Non-Self
Understanding Anattฤ, or the non-self, helps to release the illusion of complete control over emotions and fosters acceptance of natural, instinctual responses.
Three-Step Path to Peace
Following Buddha’s guidance of “avoid evil, do good, purify mind” lays a structured foundation for breaking the anger cycle by replacing negativity with positivity and compassion.
Consistency in Compassion
Regularly practicing kindness, even without immediate emotional response, gradually rewires the brain toward spontaneous compassion, transforming anger into a more loving outlook.
Transcript
Full transcript
[00:00:00] Sylvia Bay: In our practice, we need to learn, because it’s not a habit. We need to learn contentment, acceptance. When we are disappointed with ourselves, we say that we’re not nice because we do all these things.
[00:00:20] In a way, we are not realising Anattฤ. Anattฤ means you are conditional arising. The average person assumes that he can make things happen. He can decide. He has will. He will shape things.
[00:00:35] It’s will, you will. You will it and you do it. Therefore you’ve got to live by it. Humans are very complex. There is this imagination that you have will, but actually you’re being driven by defilements. You’re being driven by wholesome mental states. Or rather you’re cuddled, you’re cocooned in wholesome mental states. Or you feel driven, you feel helpless.
[00:01:02] I don’t get angry, but that happens. I don’t want to get jealous, but it happens. I didn’t want to kill this guy, but he makes me so angry. It happens. Then you see, yeah, you have no will. You didn’t exercise your will. You are not a good person. You are mean. So we judged this guy, but the pain, the instincts buried in here is so instinctive.
[00:01:22] So the first thing you have to do, that’s what the Buddha say, in a three step, avoid evil, do good, purify mind. It goes in that order. The first thing is you learn to overcome your negativities. And you overcome it by consistently and constantly doing what he tells you is beneficial and helpful.
[00:01:45] You want to break the anger habit, you have to constantly give love.
[00:01:52] So when anger is already like (bubbling), I embrace you (anger). When you say, “I wish you well, may you be well and happy“, there’s no feeling because the anger is so strong, but you don’t get into it. Constantly “I wish you well, I wish you well”. At some point the mind gets it. You’re wishing people well, cannot be so rude.
[00:02:13] Eventually over time, it becomes Metta. It becomes very spontaneous. How long did it take to get you here? The wiring needs to change, you know?
Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suรฑรฑa, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen
Editor and transcriber of this episode:
Bernice Bay, Eng Yean Khai, Tan Si Jing, Susara Ng
