TLDR: Turn CNY family stress into Buddhist practice with these practical solutions. From handling intrusive questions to navigating traditional customs, learn to maintain peace during festive gatherings

Ah, Chinese New Year. It is the time of year when we say goodbye to the old, usher in the new, and try to survive the inevitable family get-together that’s a mix of joy, stress, and… more stress. If you’re a young working adult, chances are you’ve had your share of awkward conversations, unsolicited advice, and well-meaning but slightly out-of-place comments. 

Here are some ways to navigate common dreaded challenges during CNY gatherings and stay sane during the festivity: 

1. The Family Inquisition and The Unsolicited Advice

Every year, it’s as if the entire clan has been briefed on the exact list of topics to ask at the dinner table. For some, it’s the pressure to settle down or start a family; for others, it’s just the age-old “How’s work?” While it’s tempting to roll your eyes it might be helpful to reflect that probably they might not know how to strike up a conversation beyond the usual questions or how to express concern.

They may mean well, but they simply lack more skillful ways of communicating. So, help them out!

Practical tip: Prepare meaningful questions that invite deeper discussions. Ask about their experiences with CNY in the past, their life lessons, or even their views on Buddhism. This can create more meaningful connections instead of the usual surface-level exchanges. 

2. Dealing with Mean Relatives: 

Then there are the relatives who seem to have mastered the art of putting you down, commenting on your appearance or belittling your life choices in a way that feels hurtful. Or they might be boasting about their achievements, or displaying competitive, negative personality traits. 

These interactions can feel draining, especially when it seems like they’re trying to make you feel less than, or one-upping you at every turn. 

Buddhism offers us a way to deal with such behaviour through compassion. Their comments and behaviour are likely rooted in their own suffering and generations of conditioning, and their need to boast or put others down is often a defence mechanism to cover their own insecurities.

Reframing the situation like this might allow us to take their comments less personally. Instead of suffering along with them, choose to maintain your peace.

Practical tip: At the same time, you don’t have to be a doormat. You can stand firm while maintaining kindness. Let them know you appreciate their well-meaning advice or comments, and if their words hurt, you can let them know. You can say, “I understand you care, but that comment hurts me,” and then shift the conversation to something else. Sometimes, a calm, non-defensive response can be the most surprising way to break the cycle. 

3. Debating over CNY Customs and Clothes

CNY is all about tradition, and that often means you’ll be expected to dress a certain way—especially if your parents are involved. Red, new clothes, the whole shebang. Sometimes we don’t see the point, especially when the fashion trends of our parents and ours are as different as night and day. You might even feel the urge to argue about how illogical it all seems.

Then there are also the customs like praying to deities or following specific rituals, which may not align with your Buddhist practice.

On many accounts, beginners in Buddhism often make the ‘mistake’ of correcting their parents in ways that imply they are blindly following customs and are foolish. But this approach is neither respectful nor helpful.

Buddhism teaches us about letting go of our attachment to being “right.” It’s not about proving a point—it’s about harmony and respect. While we may not practice certain rituals or beliefs in the same way, we can approach these traditions with a gentle understanding.

These customs are deeply ingrained and often tied to our parents’ cultural identities. Correcting them sharply can cause unnecessary conflict.

Instead, we can share our views or teachings in a way that’s respectful, skillful, and free from judgement when the time is right. 

Practical Tip: Practice humility and harmony. If it doesn’t hurt you to adhere to your parent’s wishes such as dressing a certain way, do so. Use it as an opportunity to watch your sense of self, especially your feelings of superiority.  And if it involves participating in rituals you don’t align with, gently express your views, but avoid doing so in a way that shames others. This helps cultivate harmony without forcing your values onto them.

4. Social Pressure to drink and gamble

Drinking and gambling—two activities that are practically as synonymous with CNY as the reunion dinner itself. You’re handed a can of beer, and the mahjong table is calling your name. But what if you want to uphold your 5th precept and refrain from drinking or gambling? 

It’s easy to feel like the odd one out, especially when your relatives are all about the fun and games.

You might feel pressured to cave in. But consider the main purpose of drinking and gambling: they’re social activities designed to bond. There are other creative ways to do so without intoxicating yourself or engaging in risky behaviour.

The key here is mindfulness and balance. It’s okay to abstain from drinking or gambling, as long as you maintain a sense of connection with others. Instead of focusing on what you’re not doing, shift your attention to how you can still bond with your relatives in a healthier and more meaningful way.

Practical Tip: You could share a technique from Dr. Punna Wong: if asked why you’re not drinking, you could say that your doctor advised you to abstain from alcohol. When asked who that doctor is, you might cheekily respond, “The Buddha,” and use the moment to share a bit of Dhamma and who knows that might provide you with an opportunity to invite them to a Buddhist event,

Or, if health is your reason, you can politely let them know you’re choosing a healthier lifestyle but would still love to bond over a healthier drink like tea or fruit juice. As for gambling, you can still play mahjong or other games without the element of money. Suggest that you’d like to have fun but without the financial stakes. 

Conclusion

Well, you might have considered skipping CNY altogether to avoid the family drama and spending more time with friends instead. While this might seem like an easy solution, especially for those who find family dynamics overwhelming, it’s important to remember the value of staying in touch with relatives.

Family gatherings, though challenging at times, offer opportunities for growth, connection, and the practice of patience and compassion. By showing up, even when it’s difficult, we strengthen our resilience, deepen our relationships, and show respect for our cultural traditions.

So, next time you’re asked about your love life, your career, or why you’re not wearing that red jacket they bought you, remember: It’s just another opportunity to practice peace, wisdom, and, most importantly, compassion—toward others and yourself.