TLDR: I searched high and low for self-respect, inner peace, and lasting joy, only to find them right under my nose by keeping the Five Precepts.

The Negotiation Phase: Questioning the Five Precepts

Like many who recently began their Dhamma journey, mine started with a pinch of doubt and a dash of negotiation. Do I really need to stick to the Five Precepts so strictly? Is there any room for flexibility? After all, I’ve always thought of myself as a Generally Good Person—isn’t that enough? Why do I have to be excessively virtuous?

The precepts initially felt like arbitrary restrictions. Is taking a few extra bottles of shampoo from a hotel housekeeping cart really stealing? Do I really have to feel guilty for killing a cockroach? Questions like these swirled around as I tried to make sense of what living by these principles actually meant.

How the community strengthened my resolve

Luckily, I was active in the DAYWA community, surrounded by friends committed to practising the Noble Eightfold Path and observing the Five Precepts in their daily lives. We shared stories of how our commitment was tested and how we skillfully managed to uphold our virtue without compromise.

What surprised me was that nothing external seemed to change when I decided to take the precepts seriously. Life went on as usual. But internally, it was a different story. Once I flipped the internal “warning system” on, I began noticing just how careless I had been with my actions, thoughts, opinions, and feelings, even while viewing myself as a Generally Good Person. 

I recognised the moments I bent the truth or acted against the precepts for quick gratification. Maybe I’d lie about being busy to avoid disappointing someone. Or I’d sugarcoat the truth to dodge accountability for something I wasn’t proud of. Maybe I’d have a drink just to blend in with friends. These small actions didn’t seem like a big deal, but they showed how much I prioritised being liked or avoiding discomfort over staying true to my values.

The myth of harmless compromise

Then, something shifted. I discovered that facing the discomfort of keeping the precepts—even if it meant risking looking “bad” to others—brought me a deeper sense of self-respect. It was a kind of respect that couldn’t come from anyone else. The more I focused on staying true to the precepts instead of chasing approval or acceptance, the more peaceful I felt.

Of course, because I am not mindful at all times (another work in progress), I still break a precept or two. But in this process of trying to be a more blameless and harmless version of myself, I have become more truthful about my shortcomings. I like having this clarity and open communication with myself. Every time I’ve held the line of goodness, I’ve given myself a pat on the back. Every time I did not do so well, I worked to rectify the situation if possible and reflected on how to do better next time.

The Ripple Effect of Sila

Looking back at 2024, I could see the goodness in the choices I made—choosing what’s right and true instead of what’s easy. That brought me an immense sense of joy and satisfaction. Over time, the precepts stopped feeling like a burden. They have become a source of strength and genuine happiness.

The Noble Eightfold Path can seem complex and you may not know where to start. Hence, I invite you to start with the Five Precepts. By switching on that internal “warning system” and recognizing the effort and goodness in trying to keep the Five Precepts, you’ll discover for yourself the transformative power of virtue and how it in itself can bring clarity, peace, and joy to your life.

Dhammapada, verse 121-122 (Dhp 121-122):

“Think not lightly of evil, saying, ‘It will not come to me.’ Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise, the fool, gathering it little by little, fills himself with evil.”

“Think not lightly of good, saying, ‘It will not come to me.’ Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise, the wise man, gathering it little by little, fills himself with good.”

Wise Steps:

1. Celebrate your good intention and efforts when you’ve upheld a Precept, especially when it was challenging.
2. When you break a Precept, acknowledge it, reflect on why it happened and how you could have handled it differently, forgive yourself, and commit to doing better next time.