TL;DR: Leaning into the Brahmaviharas won’t hurt. But leaning into anger, stonewalling, worry, pettiness, etc will.

Adulting is hard. Between managing your boss’s last-minute requests, navigating the minefield of modern dating, and keeping up with the never-ending drama in your group chats, it can feel like life is one long stress test. 

But what if there was a way to handle it all with a little more grace—and a lot less emotional whiplash? Enter the Brahmaviharas, a 2,500-year-old set of Buddhist principles that might just be the secret weapon you didn’t know you needed.

No, you don’t have to meditate on a mountaintop or renounce your worldly possessions to activate the Brahmaviharas. Think of the four qualities that make up the Brahmaviharas — (1) Metta (loving-kindness), (2) Karuna (compassion), (3) Mudita (empathetic joy), and (4) Upekkha (equanimity)—as emotional superpowers for modern life. They won’t turn you into an unbothered robot, but they will help you survive your 9-to-5 grind. 

So, What Are the Brahmaviharas?

Let’s break them down into real-world terms:

• Metta (Loving-Kindness): The ability to wish others well—even when it’s hard. I like to imagine my dad when I try to imagine what metta is. My dad loves me since the day I was born and every version of me since then. The good, the bad and the ugly. He’s never loved me any less when I was a rude, defiant pain in the butt teenager. Similarly, we should aspire to have goodwill for others even when they’re “misbehaving”. 
• Karuna (Compassion): I know we all have our own problems and sometimes it seems like we have no bandwidth to put our problems aside and step into the shoes of another that’s suffering too. But sometimes disarming our views and allowing ourselves to really hear and feel the other party’s pain helps us move a disagreement in a productive direction. 
• Mudita (Empathetic Joy): Celebrating someone else’s success—even when their win highlights your own struggles. We didn’t have to do anything for someone else to be happy. Why not take that as a win? Think cheering for your friend’s promotion while you’re stuck in a dead-end job.
• Upekkha (Equanimity): Staying grounded when life throws curveballs. Not being overly attached to positive or negative mental states. Like keeping your cool after dropping your phone into a public toilet bowl (before flushing). You wouldn’t be the first or the last person in history to do this. You’re not the first or the last person to experience heartbreak, job loss, loss of a loved one and so forth. How do we not take life personally?

These aren’t abstract ideals; they’re practical tools for handling life’s messiness with fewer meltdowns and more (non-toxic) positivity.

How to Practice Without Quitting Your Job

You don’t need hours of meditation or a spiritual retreat to bring these principles into your daily life. Here’s how you can integrate them into the chaos of adulting:

Metta for People Who Annoy You

Start small. On your morning commute, silently wish kindness upon the guy blasting TikToks on his phone: “May someone give you a hug and tell you they love you today.” At work, send mental good vibes to your micromanaging boss: “May you stop hovering over my shoulder and may your blood pressure readings be normal.” Even while swiping left on dating apps, try thinking, “May you find happiness,” instead of “that’s a very cringey profile description”. 

Karuna Without Burning Out

Compassion doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself at every turn. When a friend is venting, give them five undivided minutes of attention—no multitasking allowed. Small acts of kindness go a long way too: buy coffee for the tired barista or compliment your local hawker on their perfectly crispy chicken wings. Most importantly, don’t forget self-compassion. Treat yourself on bad days like you would treat your best friend—skip the guilt trip and opt for kindness instead.

Mudita When You’re Jealous AF

Jealousy is natural, but it doesn’t have to consume you. If scrolling through Instagram makes you feel inadequate, text one friend instead: “Your vacation pics made me happy!” At work, remind yourself that if you got promoted, you’d want cheers—not side-eyes—from colleagues. Even when envy strikes hard, practice celebrating strangers’ wins: that influencer with the perfect life? Whisper “Good for them,” and move on.

Upekkha for When Life Screws You Over

Equanimity isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about accepting life’s chaos without letting it derail your peace. 

When life throws stones—whether it’s a packed train during rush hour, office politics, or a sudden personal setback—upekkha helps you respond with clarity. Instead of seething at the crowd, take a deep breath and remind yourself: “This discomfort is temporary.” Shift your focus to something constructive—listen to a podcast, observe your surroundings without judgment, or simply practice mindful breathing.

When your boss drops yet another urgent request on your desk, pause before reacting. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in five years?” Most likely, it won’t. By zooming out and seeing the bigger picture, you can approach the task with calmness rather than resentment. 

Equanimity isn’t ignoring life’s mess—it’s about accepting that there will be tough times. 

Real-Life Challenges (Because Adulting Is Messy)

Of course, practicing these principles isn’t always easy. What happens when they don’t seem to work?

• “I tried Metta, but my coworker’s still a jerk.”
  Kindness doesn’t mean being a doormat. Set boundaries while wishing them well from afar.
• “The person is so mean to me—I don’t feel any Karuna right now.”
  Compassion starts with yourself. Take a timeout instead of trying to fix everyone’s problems.
• “How do I feel Mudita when my friend’s living MY dream?”
  Acknowledge the sting (“Ugh, I’m jealous”), then pivot: “But they worked hard—that’s cool. What I see is their success but not the struggles and trade offs they made to get there”
• “Equanimity? I just rage-quit my Zoom call.”
  Perfect! Notice the anger, take three deep breaths, and remind yourself: “This meeting is temporary chaos.”

Why Bother?

Here’s the thing: practicing the Brahmaviharas isn’t just about being nice—it’s about improving your mental health and relationships in tangible ways:

• Metta reduces grudges and helps you sleep better.
• Karuna deepens connections and combats loneliness.
• Mudita lessens envy and brings more joy.
• Upekkha minimizes freakouts and keeps the heart in balance

Ask yourself: Has any negative mental state ever brought you peace and happiness – rage, resentment, jealousy, sense of entitlement, hopelessness, paranoia, contempt, self pity, obsessiveness? 

May we humbly suggest that the Brahmaviharas could perhaps be a better response? 

Think of these qualities as an adulting survival kit—a set of tools to help you handle life’s chaos. 

So go ahead: wish people well (even that auntie that keeps bugging you about why you’re not married yet). Care without collapsing under the weight of it all. Cheer others on like it costs nothing (because it doesn’t). And breathe through life’s inevitable curveballs and low points. Your adulting game just got an upgrade—and trust us, it looks good on you.

Wise Steps:

1. Make the effort to give kindness to those who annoy you, for your own peace of mind
2. Treat yourself with the same compassion you give others, be your own friend
3. Celebrate the wins of others, the same way you would hope others celebrate yours
4. In times of turmoil, center yourself within the chaos and watch it pass, remembering that you are not alone in your suffering.