TLDR: With porn so prevalent to all of us, what is the Buddhist take on porn. How can we sustain the practice in a digitally saturated world?
Disclaimer: This article discusses the topic of pornography viewing and may be uncomfortable to some. Please proceed at your discretion.
In the modern world’s frenetic chaos, the Buddha’s teachings on letting go of craving and attachment can seem like ancient whispers easily drowned out by society’s loud siren calls for gratification.
Nowhere is this tension more apparent than the omnipresent pornography that has seeped into our collective consciousness, and at an increasingly young age too. In Singapore, 9 out of 10 boys aged 13 to 15 have watched or read sexually explicit materials.
For Buddhists navigating this dizzying digital era, the issue sparks a moral paradox – to indulge these carnal cravings through pornography’s vivid lens, or to abstain.
The Buddhist Perspective on Sensual Pleasure
On the surface, pornography embodies the very attachments Buddhism cautions against. The Buddha was explicit that sensual pleasures are fundamentally unsatisfying.
The Buddha described sensual pleasures as “a chain of bones” (in the Alagaddupama Sutta) – with little satisfaction, much stress, much despair, and ensnaring us in a perpetual cycle of dissatisfactory craving.
Similarly, in the Avassuta Pariyaya Sutta, the Buddha warns that one being “mastered” by sights, sounds, tastes and sensations leads to the growth of defilements like lust, resulting in future rebirth and suffering. Through this view, pornography, with its fictional displays intended to arouse, represents the apex of delusion, conjuring an artificial reality to satiate base desires.
The Pragmatic Approach
And yet, Buddhism teaches us to meet reality’s circumstances with pragmatism and an open mind, not dogmatic rigidity. Sexual desire is innate to the human experience, not something to be rashly suppressed or shamed.
Some argue that pornography may provide a safe, private way for individuals to explore their sexual curiosities and fantasies without risk of sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies. It is also asserted that it may offer an accessible avenue for releasing pent-up desires that might otherwise lead to misconduct from desperation.
For those with unconventional desires and orientations, it also allows secure examination of their eroticism behind closed doors.
But is this a skillful means for Buddhists interested in living an ethical life and purifying their minds? Do individuals know when it is enough and when they are addicted to it? The lines are more blurred than some would think.
The Nature of Pornography
Informing this debate is the very nature of pornography itself. Pornography, by design, perpetuates defilements the Buddha cautioned against.
There are 16 defilements (upakilesa) that cloud the mind. The Thai saying, “Kilesa is the engine of sadness,” aptly captures this notion. Pornographic scenes hijack the brain’s dopamine reward system, and according to Gary Wilson (Tedx Glassgow speaker), the dopamine hit can lead to two things: it signals to the brain that it has reached a dopamine peak, and it activates delta FosB, which triggers binge mechanisms and leads to more craving, creating a cycle.
This can cause brain changes similar to those found in all addicts, leading to a numbed pleasure response where only the addict finds porn exciting and everything else becomes boring.
This addictive feedback loop also means increasingly extreme material (more graphic violence, more risque, more illegal or elusive content) is required to feel aroused. Combined with the accessibility to this content, the viewer’s willpower erodes.
What may begin as a “harmless” pleasure or a stress-release activity can increasingly darken the mind.
Ajahn Achalo shares his perspective on pornography here, that by embracing and familiarizing one’s mind with darkness, the mind gets dark, and further darkens as it feeds on more darkness.
The Ethical Concerns
Research has also shown that 88% of the most popular porn scenes contain acts of sexual physical aggression, and 96% of scenes portray women as enjoying violence (Bridges et al., 2010) – and this belief that women subjected to sexual violence is acceptable can become internalised by impressionable viewers.
The coercive underbelly of the industry, rife with exploitation and trafficking of real human beings, the majority being children, also cannot be ignored.
Stories recounted by former performers frequently include instances where they tried to back out of the scene or even the industry altogether and were threatened with legal action.
Other stories include threats from industry agents for performers to do scenes that were not agreed upon beforehand. As Buddhists, are we perpetuating this abuse merely by partaking as consumers?
Undoubtedly, for monastics who have renounced sensual indulgence, engaging in pornography and sexual acts is a clear violation of vows and precepts.
But for the householder still entrenched in worldly life, how can one relate skillfully to the natural urges of sexual desires?
Raga, or lust, is one of the most powerful desires – a finding well supported by neurobiology. Contrary to the modern belief that unbridled expressions of desire are a form of liberation, the Buddha considers desire as a form of slavery: when you have a desire, if you must and are compelled to follow it, these darken and cloud the mind.
Instead, liberation in the Buddhist sense, points to a mind that is free from the deluding and darkening forces of desire, attachment and ignorance. It thus becomes radiant, free and peaceful. Most importantly, all of us have the potential to be awakened to this nature.
Can Watch Or Not Watch?
Thus, the question of whether one can or cannot watch pornography, should be extended to consider how we can cultivate self-compassion amidst these potent forces of desires that cloud the clear, radiant nature of the mind. Furthermore, how we can we journey towards liberation from suffering with ethics, concentration and wisdom.
We can turn to the Handful of Leaves Podcast with Ven Damcho on the topic of sex for some enlightening insights.
One key takeaway is to be brutally honest with where we are at, not shaming ourselves for having these natural urges or even, secretive impulsive habits of pornography and trying to pretend to be a saintly celibate “Buddhist”, whatever that means.
Accepting where we are at in this journey, and acknowledging that the Buddha’s teachings are a gradual path of relinquishing our cravings is the first step towards happiness.
Whether you watch porn or don’t, there is no Godly being that will condemn you, but really, if you feel empty, unhappy and lost as a result, the purpose of the teachings is for us to work out what is realistic or beneficial to our happiness, and taking committed actions towards that.
And to ask ourselves with our own wisdom, what’s realistic, what’s beneficial, what is useful and caring and kind to others.
Start where you’re at
One of the most effective techniques according to psychiatrist Dr K. for resisting the urge to view pornography is called “urge surfing.”
This paradoxical approach recognises that directly fighting pornography cravings is often counterproductive, as the brain learns to intensify the urges when you resist and fail. Instead, urge surfing involves riding out the craving wave for 15-30 minutes without giving in.
During this timeframe, the brain’s homeostatic tolerance mechanisms will kick in, allowing the intensity of the urge to subside on its own. To facilitate urge surfing, avoid fighting any battles you’re likely to lose against intense cravings. This reinforces a sense of powerlessness.
Instead, try to strategically “pick your battles” by scheduling specific windows when pornography viewing is allowed.
This makes it easier to surf through cravings that arise outside of those designated times. With practice, you can strengthen your ability to mindfully experience urges without unconsciously acting on them or creating an irresistible struggle.
From objectification to connection
Cultivating healthy intimate relationships grounded in genuine care, respect and compassionate communication allows sexuality to naturally blossom as an expression of profound human connection – rather than objectification or personal gratification.
Lama Thubten Yeshe has an inspiring quote that always makes me pause, he said, “Often when we say, I love you to someone, what we really mean is I want to use you.”
A key practice to developing real connections with others is to regularly reflect with wisdom and honesty: Am I being wise and kind to myself and others?
Do I want to perpetuate sex as a commodity, viewing others as mere objects, as pieces of flesh to be consumed for fleeting pleasure, like food to satiate a craving?
Is this how I wish to relate to those I care for and to myself? By staying committed to wisdom and kindness, we can be open to intimacy and sex as an acceptance of the wholeness of another, rather than just pursuing personal gratification that inevitably breeds emptiness.
Why are you dissatisfied with your current life?
Similar to people who have an addiction to alcohol and drugs, porn is often used as an unhealthy coping mechanism, especially to get away from their thoughts of loneliness.
It is thus critical to address the root causes driving the behaviour of porn consumption, by building up alternative emotional regulation techniques.
This could include mindfulness practices, exercising, gratitude journaling, seeking counselling, or visiting the Handful of Leaves Directory that promotes wholesome communities providing a sense of purpose and fulfilment.
Establishment of mindfulness
In the podcast, Ven Damcho also suggests referencing the Buddha’s Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta on the establishment of mindfulness. First of all, we learn to identify our own states of mindminds of suffering, such as loneliness, emptiness or even attachment.
Frankly, that’s not easy. When we’re in suffering, we are not identifying it. We are reacting.
When we’re stuck in attachment, our immediate thought is often “I want more. How do I have more of this pleasure?” However, this stance fails to recognize the attachment itself.
By learning to identify the physical manifestations of our thoughts and emotions through meditation, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of their origins and implications.
Adopting this introspective stance allows us to discern the consequences of our thoughts and emotions, guiding us towards wiser choices. Crucially, this process involves refraining from harsh self-criticism, as condemning ourselves for perceived shortcomings only perpetuates negative patterns.
Judging ourselves as “bad and lustful” or “bad and angry” is not the antidote to attachment or anger; it only breeds more negativity.
Contemplating impermanence
The antidote to any kind of attachment is often contemplating impermanence – reflecting on whether the desired object can bring everlasting pleasure or happiness, and considering if engaging with it harms ourselves and others.
Slowing down and taking a long-term perspective can calm attachment. Instead of judging ourselves, we must cultivate wisdom by examining the causes, conditions, and effects our attachments produce.
If we can clearly see that something is not bringing genuine happiness, we won’t settle for it. Venerable Thubten Chodron often says, “Why are you settling for Grade F happiness?” Our minds may protest, “It’s the only thing I know,” but there are sources of happiness outside of our attachments, like having an honest conversation with someone we care about.
The key is moving forward in a way that brings more pleasure than lies or attachments ever could. In summary, choose wisely.
Wise Steps:
Evaluate the facts around pornography, and reflect if it is something that you want to further imprint your mind with. Every action and perception, whether wholesome or unwholesome, that we actively consume leaves an imprint on our mind, and the more we do it, the deeper those grooves will get. So, what are we choosing to stain our minds with?
If you wish to change, take a gradual and multi-pronged approach addressing root causes, and always with kindness and compassion to oneself. Good luck!
Editor’s note: This is the last part of a two-part article on how Joshua (not his real name) met the Dhamma through his search in finding the solution to his porn addiction. In this article, he shares 5 methods he applied to fix his porn addiction.
TW: Sexual abuse is discussed in this article
TLDR: Joshua shares 5 effective methods he applied to get himself out of the addictive porn spiral. This includes changing his environment, revaluing porn, reflecting on drawbacks, seeking help, and substituting our responses to triggers.
I would like to share 5 actionable ways one can slowly curb their addiction. This is not meant to be professional advice and one should seek professional help for addiction when it is impeding their normal daily functions.
The following 5 ways are what helped me through the darkest periods of my life. May this benefit your journey:
Change your environment to change your habits
Reflect on the drawbacks of chasing desire
Revalue by reflecting on the grossness of the body
Seek counselling support
Replace the response to triggers with something more wholesome
1.Change your environment to change your habits
Our environment shapes us more than we think. We don’t fail to create new habits because our willpower is weak but rather our system for positive change is weak. One system we can change is the environment that we interact with.
For me, I opened my room doors widely even when I was sleeping to keep myself accountable. This increased the barriers to surfing porn when I was alone in my room.
I also took more drastic actions to alter my social circles and hangout spots to not put myself in situations where I was tempted or lustful. Until my mind was stable, I had to remove myself from such situations for the time being.
However, I also eventually stopped visiting night hangout spots and hung out more with Dhamma friends in more conducive environments. The soil that I was feeding my mind needed to be fertile for wholesomeness and not unwholesomeness.
In addition, I also used Mac software, self-control, to block my access to porn sites. This made it harder for me to access them when I lost control. It is amazing how far a craving mind can go when it is filled with desire. A ton of suffering in all the pursuit for something temporary and unskillful.
2.Reflect on the drawbacks of chasing desires
The Buddha often encouraged his lay followers to contemplate the drawbacks of unwholesomeness in Pataligama sutta:
“There is the case where an unvirtuous person, by reason of heedlessness, undergoes the loss/confiscation of great wealth. This is the first drawback coming from an unvirtuous person’s failure in virtue.
“Furthermore, the bad reputation of the unvirtuous person, failing in virtue, gets spread about. This is the second drawback coming from an unvirtuous person’s failure in virtue.
“Furthermore, whatever assembly the unvirtuous person, failing in virtue, approaches — whether of noble warriors, brahmans, householders, or contemplatives — he/she does so without confidence & abashed. This is the third drawback coming from an unvirtuous person’s failure in virtue.
“Furthermore, the unvirtuous person, failing in virtue, dies confused. This is the fourth drawback coming from an unvirtuous person’s failure in virtue.
“Furthermore, the unvirtuous person, failing in virtue — on the break-up of the body, after death — reappears in a plane of deprivation, a bad destination, a lower realm, a hell. This is the fifth drawback coming from an unvirtuous person’s failure in virtue.”
Pursuing such sense desires is as if one is licking honey from a knife’s blade as the Buddhist saying goes.
When the honey is gone, all that is left is pain/remorse. I wrote down pointers to reflect on if the desire suddenly arose within me.
The drawbacks included the shame of having succumbed to my unwholesome desires as a student of the Buddha, the shame of facing my Dhamma friends, and also a deeper shame of having become a participant in the oppressive porn industry.
Having watched youtube documentaries on the industry and how it often ensnares young women and subjects them to horrific mental & physical abuse, made an imprint on me.
How many young women’s physical and mental health is ruined by the industry and how many are stuck and suffering? In addition, how many young people are exposed to these videos and conditioned to see themselves or women in a warped manner?
My surfing enabled this billion-dollar industry of exploitation and pain to thrive. No amount of ‘animal liberation’ that I did could undo the pain inflicted by my participation if I continued. You can watch more here and here about the industry.
3. Revalue by reflecting on the grossness of the body
Buddhist monastics would often quiz their disciples,
Master: ‘Do you love your hair?’
Lay Disciple: ‘Yes’
Master: ‘Okay, what if a bunch of your hair drops into your food, would you still eat your food with your hair in it if you love it so much?’
Lay Disciple: ‘No Sir’ *a moment of insight arises*
Teachers often make us question our assumptions about the body and its perceived beauty.
I recall a teacher asking “If our body was truly beautiful & attractive, why do many people put on concealers/make-up every day? It is because the body is constantly ageing and filled with gross things (e.g. faeces, toxins), hence we cover it up…even the dead are not spared, we embalm them and put on make-up.
Skin is beautiful until skin flakes fall into your food. A person’s body is beautiful until the person is dead and they start rotting. Reflecting on the unattractiveness of the body is called ‘Asubha’.
Asubha meditation is a meditation where the object of awareness is placed on the unattractiveness of the body. This is often used to counter lust in an individual. It is typically coupled with metta meditation to neutralise any aversion that might arise from contemplating the body’s unattractiveness.
A guided meditation can be found here, and a Dhamma teaching about it can be found here. However, it should be attempted with guidance from good meditation teachers especially if it is your first time.
Another way, is to ask yourself, “What value does porn bring to my life?” “Is this really how I want to spend my life?” “Looking at naked people?”.
By using such thoughts, one can reduce the impact of lust. To reflect on what value porn brings?
4. Seek counselling support to help you through the tough periods
One of the best things about Buddhism is that it does not judge or condemn. It simply provides guidance and support. I found this to be incredibly reassuring and it helped me to feel less alone in my struggle. Engaging with counselling support like Shan You Counselling, Dots Connection, Buddhist Free Clinic, helped to provide a Buddhist perspective to my pain and troubles.
In addition, I sought out online communities of people who recovered and were recovering as well, reading stories of success was truly inspiring.
There is hope and there is potential for change because the self is anatta (non-self).
One of them said, “By turning to Buddhism, I was able to recognize that my addiction was a symptom of underlying suffering. I was able to face my suffering, and then find the strength to overcome it.”
That person’s testimony started my journey into the Dhamma. When we bring to light our darkest struggles, we give others an opportunity to light up their dark inner world as well!
5. Replace the response to triggers with something more wholesome
With a newfound awareness of my addiction, I was able to start making conscious decisions about how I wanted to respond to them.
“One by one, little by little, moment by moment, a wise man should remove his own impurities, as a smith removes his dross from silver.” – Dhammapada 239
The act of removing those impurities starts with recognising the trigger and not letting the habitual loop play out. Furthermore, we can recognise the trigger and then replace it with a wholesome action that leads to the same outcome.
For example, being restless with nothing to do in the morning might make me want to watch porn. The outcome? Wanting to feel relieved from restlessness. Recognising this trigger, I then head to the gym to remove myself from home and do a strenuous workout. This makes me feel less restless (and maybe breathless), achieving the outcome the trigger intends to make.
Hence, by replacing the action after the trigger, I am able to slowly release the grip that the trigger has on me to surf porn.
It might take time to notice the triggers, hence, writing down the triggers is useful for one to make alterations to their reactions to the triggers.
Conclusion
With the help of the Dhamma and other support, I eventually broke free from my addiction. It was a long process, and there were certainly ups and downs along the way.
But in the end, I was able to overcome my addiction to lead a healthier and more fulfilling life.
To this day, I still keep the practice of Dhamma close to my heart and am grateful for the wisdom and guidance it has provided me. It has been a source of strength and support. I am confident that I can continue to apply Dhamma to help me stay on the path of recovery.
Wise Steps:
Know your triggers for bad habits to arise, developing mindfulness is critical in catching those moments
Seek professional help, there is no shame in raising your hand to ask for help
Editor’s note: It is rare to share about porn addiction so openly, may this piece help those struggling out there. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, Joshua is not the author’s real name.This is a two-part article. The second part is here.
TLDR: Joshua shares how his porn addiction brought him on the path of the Dhamma and how the four noble truths spoke to him as he began his Dhamma journey.
I have been a porn addict for most of my adult life. It started when I was a teenager, and I would spend hours on the internet watching adult videos. It was like a drug for me, and every time I binged on it, I felt a temporary sense of pleasure and satisfaction. But as soon as the pleasure was over, I was back to feeling empty and unsatisfied, and the cycle would begin again. I felt disgusted at myself after watching it.
Here is my story of how I struggled with porn, how the Dhamma helped me overcome the addiction.
This is not professional advice and is not meant to replace support/help for those who need professional help. Do seek it out if necessary.
When Porn becomes a daily habit
As I grew older, I found that I was spending more and more time watching porn and engaging less time in real-life activities. I would fight for time to be alone so that I could watch it.
I was subsconsciously objectifying my female friends especially if they wore tight fitting clothes. This was unnerving to me. I wasn’t looking at human beings anymore but rather potential mates. I was slowly spiralling out of control.
I tried to understand why I was developing such a crazy tendency for porn. I could not pinpoint any reason as to why I would be hooked on it other than the engulfing lust that hits me from time to time. The search to understand why led me to the Dhamma.
My arrival in Dhamma
I heard about how Buddhism could help people break free from addiction, so I decided to give it a try. At first, I was skeptical.
How could something so ancient and spiritual help me overcome something so modern and destructive? Anyway, I am an ‘educated’ Singaporean who rejects traditions and begrudgingly participates in customs. This was something foreign to me.
However, the paralysing hold porn had on me led me to surrender the prejudices I had against the Buddha/Buddhism. I was tired of the cycles of lust and guilt.
I started by listening to Buddhist talks and the suttas that covered the topics of lust and desire.
I found many parallels with what Addiction Psychologist Gabor Mate, talked about. Gabor shared that addiction is like a cycle where the person is simply trapped like a child that never grew up or matured. We need to ask the right questions, ‘It is not Why the addiction but rather Why the pain?’.
Both the Buddha and modern addiction psychology pushed me to enquire deeper, what pain am I avoiding? My initial ‘failure’ to uncover why I am addicted as mentioned above, was me just scratching the surface and not diving deeper.
The four noble truths and porn
I had to confess to myself that I had an addiction problem because I had a deep feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. I wanted to be loved. I was using pornography to fill a void, but it was never going to be enough.
Only by facing and transforming my suffering, could I then address the ‘symptom’ of the problem. The Buddha’s four noble truth stared me in the face.
1. There is suffering (I am suffering from this porn addiction)
2. The cause of suffering is desire (I cling to porn because I desire to be loved and fulfilled)
3. There is an end to suffering (My addiction to porn can end and I can break the cycle)
4. The way out of suffering is the noble 8 fold path (My desire for porn ends when I pursue a moral path capable of making me feel contented without the need for porn)
The realisation felt as if a rock that weighed me down had suddenly started to float. I could break free.
As I read, I started to understand the concept of the “three poisons” – desire, aversion and ignorance. I realised that these were the same forces that kept me trapped in my addiction.
Desire makes you want more and more and like the Buddha said that ‘there is no ocean vast like tanha (craving)’. It is always never enough. Aversion makes you push away things you dislike. The frustration and unhappiness with my feelings of emptiness and not feeling loved, made me push them away by pursuing pleasure. Ignorance is the lacking wisdom and knowledge of the way out. Not being aware of the power one can have over the defilements instead of being led on by them.
Tackling the dangers of sensual desires
I started by tackling the desire and aversion portion of the problem, as I believed that ignorance would slowly fall away as I developed my wisdom. One sutta that really resonated with me was the Bhayasutta.
It states,
“Seeing the danger in grasping,
the origin of birth and death,
the unattached are freed
with the ending of birth and death.”
The danger of grasping onto this habit of pornography to find pleasure in life would ultimately lead me to many rounds of suffering or birth and death.
I started to practice mindfulness and meditation to become more aware of these negative thoughts and feelings. Removing the triggers was key. I started to recognise them for what they were: empty, fleeting states of mind.
Outside of my mind, it also helped to change my environment to support my return to normalcy. I opened my room’s doors at all times so that the fear of shame/being discovered was always there if I decide to surf porn.
In addition, I avoided placing myself in situations where I was exposed to attractive females in close contact. This included giving up drinking and avoiding nightclubs where dancing in close proximity could put my desires into overdrive.
The fifth precept, to not drink and participate in activities with intoxicants, was a struggle. However, I reflected that if mindfulness was already so hard to cultivate in meditation, why was I willingly impairing my mindfulness every Friday night?
Those friends who encouraged me to drink were not helping my recovery and I had to eventually let go of those social circles to build my mindfulness. It was not easy. But it had to be done.
Hanging out with Dhamma friends I made in Buddhist circles helped me transition out of my old friendship circles. Night chats revolved around tea and iced lemon tea, with deep reflections on life. I slowly uncovered that everyone has their own struggles.
Hearing a fellow Dhamma friend share his struggles with womanising made me realise how rare it was to have deep conversations without a need for social lubricants (alcohol or smoking). Being present is all you need. It is amazing how the Dhamma brought us together. Walking the path towards lesser defilements.
I am grateful for how the Dhamma showed me the way out of addiction and into a freer life.
Thanks for reading my story. I will share in the next story 5 practical ways that helped reduced my porn addiction.
Wise Steps:
If there is a bad habit that we wish to quit we need to find changes in the environment and the social circles we keep
Addiction is extremely tough, but with friends, loved ones, and the Dhamma, we can slowly break through our clinging
Seek professional help if your welfare is being compromised severely by addictions like pornography.
