TL;DR: Many young Buddhists face parental concerns about frequent temple visits due to misconceptions about deep religious practice. By reassuring them, demonstrating positive personal growth, and using relatable analogies, you can ease their worries. With patience, understanding, and humor, they may eventually appreciate your journey—perhaps even joining you one day.
“Why do you keep going to the temple? Are you becoming a monk/nun?”
“Young people don’t go to monasteries so often… are you sure you’re not too obsessed?”
For many nominal Buddhist parents, the idea of their child regularly visiting temples or monasteries is unfamiliar and even unsettling. They may see Buddhism as a cultural tradition—practiced during major festivals or when paying respects to ancestors—but not something young people actively pursue.
So, when they see their millennial child attending Dhamma talks, meditation retreats, or spending weekends at a monastery, they worry. Is my child too deep into religion? Is this a sign of something extreme? Will he renounce the world and abandon family duties?
If you’ve encountered these concerns, you’re not alone. Here’s how to ease their worries with compassion, humour, and open communication.
1. Understand Where Their Worries Come From
For many Asian parents, Buddhism is culturally important but not deeply practiced. Their relationship with Buddhism may revolve around:
Rituals & Traditions – Visiting temples during Chinese New Year, Vesak, or Qing Ming (清明节).
Pragmatic Practices – Chanting or offering incense only when there’s trouble, such as praying for good health, exam success, or resolving bad luck.
Association with Old Age – Seeing Buddhism as something for the elderly or for people who have “nothing else to do.”
Fear of Renunciation – Worrying that going to monasteries means giving up on career, relationships, or family responsibilities.
When a young person actively engages in the Dhamma, it challenges what their parents are used to. Their worries aren’t about Buddhism itself but about the unfamiliarity of deeper practice.
2. Reassure Them That You’re Still “Normal”
Your parents’ concern often stems from fear of change—they don’t want you to become too different from what they know. You can help them feel at ease by showing that:
You’re still the same person – Practicing Buddhism hasn’t made you distant or withdrawn. You still care about your family, career, and responsibilities.
You’re not planning to renounce – If they’re worried about you becoming a monk or nun, gently reassure them: “No, I still want to take care of you! I’m just learning to be calmer and kinder.”
It’s like any other personal growth activity – Some people go to yoga retreats, personal development workshops, or fitness boot camps. Meditation and temple visits are just another way to grow as a person.
3. Address Their Concern About Filial Piety
Some parents worry that deep involvement in Buddhism might make you neglect your duties as a child. In many Asian cultures, filial piety is deeply ingrained, and any practice that seems to pull you away from family obligations can be concerning.
To reassure them, find moments to share Buddhist teachings that emphasise filial piety. For example:
The Sigalovada Sutta (DN 31) – This discourse describes the duties of a child towards parents, highlighting the importance of gratitude, respect, and care.
Mangala Sutta – This discourse mentions that supporting mother and father is one of the great blessings.
You can gently remind them that Buddhism encourages respect and care for parents, not neglect. If they see that your practice makes you more patient, responsible, and kind towards them, their concerns may ease.
4. Introduce Them to Your Buddhist Community
One reason parents worry is that they don’t see young people practicing Buddhism. They may assume that by spending time in temples, you are missing out on social connections, networking, or building a future.
To change this perception:
Share photos of your Buddhist friendswho are of a similar age group. Show them that you are not isolating yourself, but rather, meeting like-minded people.
Introduce them to your Buddhist community. If they meet the people you regularly spend time with, they will feel more assured that you are in a supportive and balanced environment.
Bring them along to your temple or monastery. Let them experience the place for themselves so they can see that it is not as solemn or rigid as they may have imagined.
Sometimes, what is unfamiliar seems extreme; but when your parents observe your experience firsthand, it may feel more relatable.
5. Use Familiar Analogies
If Buddhism feels “too religious” for your parents, try relating it to something they already understand:
Meditation = Mental Gym – “Meditation is like exercise for the mind, just like how people go to the gym to keep fit. It helps me stay clear-headed and reduce stress.”
Dhamma Talks = Life Lessons – “It’s like going to a motivational talk, except the speaker is a monk, and the advice is about kindness and wisdom.”
Retreats = Silent Getaways – “It’s like a quiet staycation, except instead of Netflix, I listen to Dhamma talks, and instead of Wi-Fi, I connect with myself.”
By reframing Buddhism in more familiar ways, your parents will be less likely to see your practice as extreme or unusual.
6. Show, Don’t Just Tell
Instead of convincing your parents with words, let them see how Buddhism positively impacts your life:
Cultivate more patience and understanding – If your parents nag, instead of reacting with annoyance, try listening to their intention calmly. Eventually, they will notice, “You used to argue back, now you’re so patient?”
Handle stress wisely – If they see that you are less anxious or irritable, they will associate your temple visits with positive changes.
Involve them in small ways – Share simple and relatable Dhamma wisdom (e.g., “I heard a good story today about how to let go of anger”) without making it sound preachy.
Over time, your parents may accept (or even appreciate) your growth arising from the practice, even if they don’t fully understand it.
7. Use Humour to Defuse Tension
If your parents continue to question your temple visits, lighten the mood with playful responses:
“You always go to the temple. Are you obsessed?”
“Better obsessed with inner peace than gossip and drama, right?”
“You go on retreat so much. Do you want to be a monk/nun?”
“No, I still need to work and pay bills! Just need some quiet time.”
“So young go temple–very weird!”
“Better now than wait until retirement, right? Got an early-bird discount for wisdom!”
A well-placed joke can diffuse tension and make the conversation less confrontational.
Final Thoughts: Be Patient With Their Worries
If your parents still don’t fully accept your Buddhist practice, that’s okay. They may need time to adjust—just as you need time to develop your own path.
The goal isn’t to make them agree with you, but to reassure them that your choices are positive and meaningful.
Our parents’ concerns often come from love and fear of the unknown. With patience, understanding, and a little humour, we can show them that Buddhism is not about withdrawing from life—it’s about living it with greater wisdom, kindness, and clarity.
And who knows? One day, they might just surprise you by asking, “Next time you go to the temple… can you bring me along?”
Wise Steps:
Reassure with Actions & Words – Show them you’re still committed to family, career, and responsibilities while practicing Buddhism.
Make It Relatable – Use familiar comparisons like meditation as mental fitness or retreats as quiet getaways.
Involve Them Gradually – Share small insights, introduce them to your community, or invite them to a casual temple visit.
TLDR: Visiting Amaravati, Cittaviveka, and Anukampa taught me valuable lessons about mindfulness and community life. Here’s how these monasteries shaped my understanding of Buddhism.
My journey into Theravada Buddhism began when I first encountered Luang Por Sumedho and attended his Dhamma talk. Though new to the teachings, certain concepts took root in my mind and strengthened my faith in the Dhamma path. This inspired me to plan a visit to the Amaravati Buddhist Monastery in southeastern England to pay respect to the teacher and observe how Buddhists live in non-Buddhist countries.
The Thai Forest Tradition of Theravada Buddhism is relatively new to the West.
Knowing that Luang Por Sumedho offers Dhamma reflections and talks on moon days (New Moon, Half Moon, and Full Moon), I arranged my visit to Amaravati to coincide with the Full Moon day. I visited Cittaviveka first, followed by Anukampa before departing.
Booking timeline and expectations
Western Buddhist monasteries observe winter retreats from December to February/March. During this period, only long-term volunteers supporting the monasteries may stay; casual visitors are not accommodated. Outside these months, the monasteries welcome visitors for stays and practice.
Monasteries begin accepting visitors as their retreat period ends (timing varies by monastery). Interested visitors can check their websites for registration details.
As these are Buddhist monastery stays, visitors must observe 8 precepts and follow the monastery schedule, which includes morning chanting assigned chores, and meal preparation.
Cittaviveka Buddhist Monastery, Petersfield
Cittaviveka, also known as the Chithurst Buddhist Monastery, was founded by Luang Por Sumedho in the UK under the guidance of Ajahn Chah. It holds special historical significance as the first branch monastery of the Wat Pah Pong lineage outside Thailand.
The monastery’s name, “Cittaviveka,” means “Discerning Mind” – a concept that became central to my practice during this visit. For those interested in the monastery’s founding history, George Sharp, a major supporter of Dhamma propagation in the UK, documented it in his book “The Chithurst Story, Before & After.” Additional historical context can be found in the documentary “The Buddha Comes to Sussex.”
On arrival
The monastery sits amid vast open fields. The journey there was peaceful, with expansive fields beneath blue skies that helped calm my pre-trip excitement and anticipation.
At the entrance stands a white stupa and main shrine, showcasing a unique blend of English and Thai architectural styles. The serene, quiet environment quickly helped settle my wandering mind.
Ajahn Karuniko welcomed me during afternoon tea time when guests gathered in the reception room. These sessions often include Dhamma discussions and Q&A with the Ajahn. The calm atmosphere and natural interactions between monks and laypeople create a precious sense of harmony.
Daily schedule and practice
The day begins with morning chanting and meditation at 5 am, followed by chores from 6:15 am until breakfast at 7 am. After breakfast, we continue chores and prepare for the 10:30 am meal offering. Once post-meal cleaning is complete, time is allocated for personal activities – rest, meditation, study, or contemplation.
Tea time occurs at 5 pm, featuring Dhamma discussions with Ajahn Karuniko. Evening chanting and meditation begin at 7:30 pm, with opportunities to continue meditation afterwards in the main shrine hall. The library remains accessible for study.
The monastery’s quiet atmosphere promotes mindful introspection throughout the day. This conducive environment facilitates mental calmness and wisdom development through sutta study, encouraging Ehipassiko (investigation).
Long-term volunteers who support the Sangha during the Winter retreat offer valuable insights into monastery life and can introduce you to fellow practitioners. They’re also knowledgeable about the best spots for meditation and walking meditation paths.
Dhamma Hall
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery, Hemel Hempstead
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery, founded by Luang Por Sumedho after Cittaviveka, is where he currently resides and offers Dhamma talks on moon days. Like Cittaviveka, its location amid open fields creates a naturally relaxing environment.
On arrival
Amaravati features numerous container-style buildings serving as accommodation, libraries, offices, and reception rooms. The iconic main shrine with its distinctive tower stands as a centrepiece, contributing to the peaceful atmosphere.
I met the Sangha member responsible for lay residents at the Sala hall. The long-term lay residents have formed a welcoming community. After the orientation briefing, they perform a traditional ritual: one person says “Anumondana” in Anjali (hands pressed together), while others respond with “Sadhu” three times to conclude the session.
Daily Schedule & Practice
On the first day, I attended Luang Por Sumedho’s Dhamma talk at 3 pm. Personal practice time followed until evening chanting. Being Uposatha day (Moon Day), the evening chanting and meditation extended until midnight, offering a valuable opportunity to practice alongside Sangha members.
The daily schedule mirrors Cittaviveka’s routine. The second day featured a birthday celebration by a Thai lay devotee, who offered food to the Sangha. We joined the meal and participated in a Dhamma discussion with Ajahn Amaro (Amaravati’s Abbot), concluding with blessing chants.
Notable Moments
Throughout Amaravati, portraits of Luang Por Sumedho chronicle his journey from youth to elderhood, offering a powerful visual reflection on aging. These images invite contemplation of the five frequent recollections: “I am of the nature to age; I have not gone beyond aging.”
Seeing Luang Por in person during the Dhamma talk, supported by his attendant (Kappiya) while walking, reinforced this truth – all bodies are subject to aging, regardless of current vitality. Through his example, Luang Por demonstrates how one can cultivate a peaceful mind despite the natural aging process.
During my visit, the charity had just acquired the property, which was still a residential house awaiting renovation to become a proper monastery. Despite this transitional state, the space included essential features: a Buddha statue in the main common area, a meditation room, and a meal area. The facility was adequately equipped to support Buddhist practice.
Daily Schedule & Practice
The daily schedule follows the monastic pattern: morning chanting and meditation, chores, meal preparation and offerings, followed by personal practice time until evening chanting and meditation. The day concludes with a Dhamma talk after evening meditation.
The rural setting provides excellent walking meditation paths. Encounters with local residents during walks offer valuable lessons – practice isn’t just about solitude, but also about cultivating kindness in community interactions.
Notable Moments
The journey of establishing Anukampa Grove highlights the challenges of founding a monastery—from construction logistics to community relations—all while upholding Buddhist precepts. These difficulties are amplified in Western countries, where Buddhism is not the predominant religion and differs culturally from Asia. The project’s determination to overcome these challenges is truly admirable.
This journey deepened my faith in the Triple Gems through encounters with fellow practitioners abroad. The immersive experience of practising alongside others, in an environment conducive to internal reflection, enhanced my understanding of the Four Noble Truths.
I’m grateful to all the unnamed individuals whose selfless support established these monasteries, making Dhamma accessible in the West. These visits have enriched my practice, and I encourage others to include monastery visits in their travel plans.
Also, check out our first HOL short film, where you can follow You Shan’s journey to Anukampa Grove—just one week after the monastics settled into their new monastery!
Wise Steps:
Research and learn more about Buddhist monasteries or centres at your travel destination. Perhaps dedicate some time to visiting one.
Set the intention to uphold certain qualities during this trip. For example, I commit to letting go of ill will throughout my journey.
