TLDR: Fathers in our lives may be stern and commanding, but they provide sustenance, practical advice, and express their love in different forms. Father figures during Buddha’s time highlight fatherly love, sacrifice, and invaluable teachings such as unconditional love and gratitude.
A warm and caring figure comes to mind when we think of our mother. On the other hand, when we think of our father, fear strikes our hearts.
Why can’t we have a warm, sacrificing father like Ne Zha’s father, we may wonder? Perhaps our fathers’ sacrifices come in different ways, and they are often too little, too late, before we realise.
Letting Go Is Hard
When I was sent abroad to study in the United States of America (USA), (I was studying and living there for 12 years), and with long intervals of about 2-3 years before I returned to Malaysia for visits, I thought my father had abandoned me.
Though later on, I realised that, due to financial challenges of sending me abroad at the height of the 1997-1998 Financial Crisis, and also my father’s battle with cancer (he’s now a 4-time cancer survivor), the regular trip home is hard to materialise.
Furthermore, my father was worried about me being affected academically (he doesn’t want me to worry about his health) and financially (cancer treatment costs a lot!), so it was next to impossible for me to visit home frequently. Mind you, this was the world before WhatsApp video calls existed, hence, letter writing (snail mail) and using International phone cards to make voice calls was used.
When working and living in Singapore, going on regular meditation retreats, and pursuing my five years of Buddhist Studies, from Diploma to Master’s, I never quite understood my father’s concerns about how I should prioritise my career before learning Buddhism. I thought that my pursuit of Buddhism would help not only myself but my parents too, if I could better educate and share the Dhamma with them.
This is where I recollect and remember the story of King Suddhodana’s concern for his son, the Buddha, and then his grandson, Rahula.
“Sometimes letting go is harder than breaking up.” While the lyrics come from a romantic song, it poignantly reminds me of my father’s great sacrifice. He sent his son away to study abroad for a better future with no certainty that the distance will not disrupt the already tenuous bond between them.
Sacrifice My Own Needs, for My Child’s Need is Greater
Biologically and psychologically, one can argue that it is for preserving one’s offspring’s genetics and contributions over time. For a very long time, I never quite understood the seemingly irrational ideals of someone sacrificing their own needs for the needs of another, until it happened to me.
As a childless single, I often surprise my friends when I mention “my kids” In our conversations.
I refer to my students under my care, my counselling students, as my kids. It’s an internal code word for some of us in the counselling field of a particular biological age, where we would and could have been fathers and mothers, to activate our parental instincts.
As one of the volunteer teachers for the Buddhist Fellowship (BF), Junior Youth (JY), a group of 13-16-year-old students for BF regular Saturday afternoon classes, it is one of my privileges to bring snacks and drinks for the students for their tea break. It is always interesting for teachers to observe and identify which snacks are in vogue amongst our “kids”.
Getting the right snacks that get consumed earns us bigger joy than hitting the metaphorical jackpot, it seems!
In the story of King Bibimsara and Prince Ajatasattu, despite Prince Ajatasattu’s traitorous intent in taking over his father’s Kingdom and torturing King Bibimsara, we read that the king only has goodwill towards his son. Prince Ajatasattu realised the love of a father only when he became a father, albeit a bit too late as King Bibimsara had passed on.
While I have glimpses of what a father’s sacrifice could be like, thinking and worrying about those under my care, I also realised that I would never fully understand a father’s sacrifice, unlike my best friend Marcus, who became a new father last year. Bro, I guess I can forgive you for becoming more absent in my life, as your child needs more attention than I do.
As friends of our peers, friends, and colleagues who are young parents, may we extend our love and compassion to them for the great sacrifice they make. I would add that we should not forget to extend the same to ourselves, when we have to part with our close friend’s company. As a helping professional, I often remind my clients that one’s suffering is not a comparison game, that one’s suffering is no less than the other’s.
Resilience : Top Life Lesson from my Father
When I shared my topsy-turvy life journey, moving from Malaysia to the USA to Singapore, many wondered how I grew from a shy, introverted child, the metaphorical soft and easily bruised strawberry, to the charismatic, extroverted man, or what I considered to be the hardy and thorny durian fruit I am today.
I like the metaphor of the durian fruit because while I may seem hardy and tough on the outside, I am still very sensitive deep down; also friendly and wonderful to get to know, though I find it increasingly hard to let people into my life.
My father is a Polio victim survivor. For those who don’t know, those BCG jabs that you received for vaccination actually help to spare you from the crippling nerve disease that caused my father to grow up with a shrunken left leg that causes him to walk with a limp.
Despite my father’s physical limitations, my grandfather (toxic masculinity ideals or the practical realities of the harsh life facing men of those days?) makes my father a socially athletic handyman around the house. My father’s nickname is Coach, for he self-taught himself how to swim from reading books, and he had coached many to swim (except his three sons)…
Additionally, as a 4-times cancer survivor still living as healthy as possible given him closing on to 80 years old, my father was the symbol of resilience and inner strength that I had learnt to embody over the years of facing my demons and hardships in life.
In the Sigālovāda Sutta, the young man, Sigālaka, was guided by the Buddha on the teachings Sigālaka’s father was trying to convey. Themes of respecting one’s parents and teachers, avoiding vices such as gambling, and making good friends are qualities that are not only taught by my father but are lived by him.
Visiting and spending time with the elders during Chinese New Year makes sense now, as strong social connections are a predictor of a good life for our elderly relatives and friends. Social connections are essential for both the young and the old.
Sketched by playingwithpencil
In closing, I would like to dedicate my appreciation and gratitude to my father, Mr. Lim Siow Choo:
Father, thank you for teaching me the lessons of life not only through your exemplary guidance when I was young but more so through your lived experience of living the good life.
I am a better person today because of you. You taught me to look for a hero within myself, to be the best man I can be, because you showered me with the “Greatest Love of All.” While I continue to wish you would say ”I Will Always Love You” to me, I know deep down that your action (of love) speaks louder than words.
May you, readers, find the greatest love of all in your father and mother.
Sukhi hontu – May you be well and happy.
Wise Steps:
• For Father’s Day in June, thank your Father or Father figures in your life. Next, try to keep it going for the rest of the months till the next Father’s Day, where possible.
• We can practice gratitude to our parents by sharing the Buddhist teachings with them.
• Dhamma books and YouTube teachings are good ways for our parents to learn the Dhamma when we are not at home.
TLDR: Explore a unique collection of Buddhist resources designed to guide you through heartbreak. Transform your sorrow into compassion with our ‘Breakup Dhamma Playlist’
Editor’s note: A thank you to all the heartbroken Buddhists who contributed to this article!
Your heart feels shattered, and your world is turned upside down. The pain of a breakup can be all-consuming, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever feel whole again. But what if this heartbreak could be more than just suffering?
Enter the “Breakup Dhamma Playlist” – a curated collection of Buddhist teachings designed to guide you through a heartbreak towards the calm shores of acceptance. This is inspired by popular culture to have a playlist for everything from ‘falling in love’ to ‘life sucks’.
These timeless teachings offer more than just comfort; they provide a roadmap for transforming your pain into wisdom, and your sorrow into compassion.
Not a punishment
As you navigate this difficult time, remember that your pain is not a punishment or a sign of weakness. It’s a natural response to loss, and more importantly, it’s an opportunity. An opportunity to deepen your understanding of impermanence, to cultivate compassion for yourself and others, and to discover strengths within you.
This playlist brings together the wisdom of respected Buddhist teachers and the Buddha’s own words. Each entry offers a unique perspective on dealing with loss, letting go, and finding peace amidst turmoil.
Whether you’re grappling with fresh heartbreak or nursing old wounds, these teachings can offer solace, insight, and practical guidance.
As you explore these resources, approach them with an open heart and mind. Some may resonate more strongly than others, and that’s okay. Take what serves you, reflect on it deeply, and allow it to support your healing journey.
The Heartbreak Playlist
“Loss of a Partner” – Q&A with Ajahn Anan (Spotify): In this insightful Q&A session, Ajahn Anan addresses the pain of losing a partner. He emphasises the importance of understanding impermanence and cultivating equanimity. The first 3:49 minutes provide a compassionate introduction to dealing with loss from a Buddhist perspective.
“Grief, Loss, and Celebrating a Life” by Ajahn Brahm: While originally addressing the loss of a loved one through death, Ajahn Brahm’s wisdom applies equally to the “death” of a relationship. He encourages us to celebrate the good times shared and to use our grief as a catalyst for personal growth and deeper understanding of life’s impermanent nature. You may skip past the eulogy
The Buddha’s Words (SN 47.13) Quote: “How could it possibly be so that what is born, created, conditioned, and liable to wear out should not wear out? That is not possible. So Ānanda, live as your own island, your own refuge, with no other refuge. Let the teaching be your island and your refuge, with no other refuge.” The Buddha reminds us that all conditioned things, including relationships, are subject to change. He encourages us to find refuge in the Dhamma and in our own practice, particularly through mindfulness meditation.
“Letting Go” by Bhante Sujatha (Insight Timer): This short 6-minute meditation is perfect for those moments when emotions feel overwhelming. Bhante Sujatha’s soothing voice guides listeners through a simple yet powerful practice of letting go, ideal for quick relief during difficult days.
“Practising with a Broken Heart” by Ajahn Achalo (YouTube): While the entire talk offers valuable insights, the segment on compassion from 20:59 is particularly relevant. Ajahn Achalo teaches how to cultivate self-compassion and extend that compassion to others, even those who may have hurt us.
How to Heal your Broken Heart by Mahindasiri Thero (Youtube): Choose someone wise and supportive to share your heartbreak, avoiding those who might exacerbate negativity.
Loneliness and the Illusion of Connection by Thich Nhat Hanh (Youtube): Technology offers an illusion of connection but doesn’t address the deeper loneliness within.
Conclusion:
As you work through your heartbreak, remember that healing is a process, not a destination. Remember, healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, moments of clarity followed by waves of grief.
This is all part of the process. The goal isn’t to eradicate your feelings, but to learn to relate to them with mindfulness and compassion.
As you listen to these Dhamma talks and incorporate their wisdom into your life, you’ll find that your heart not only heals but expands, becoming more resilient and compassionate than before. Remember, just as the Buddha taught, you are your own island, your own refuge. Trust in your innate capacity to heal and grow. This pain will pass, and you will emerge stronger, wiser, and more open-hearted than before. May these teachings guide you towards peace and renewed joy.
TLDR: Learn why love alone isn’t enough and how to build a solid foundation. Angela shares Buddhist-inspired techniques for a more fulfilling partnership.
Before sharing 5 insights on relationships, allow me to say hi there – thanks for reading this article!
I’m Angela, currently in a 13-year+ relationship with my ex-boyfriend-turned-husband. Most days, we’re happily married, but that didn’t come without learning a few lessons along the way.
Today, I want to share five things I wish I had known before diving into a relationship, with guidance from Buddha’s wisdom. Ready? Let’s explore!
Insight 1: Love Alone Isn’t Enough
We often hear that love conquers all, but real life has a way of showing us otherwise. While love is essential, it’s emotional intelligence that truly sustains a relationship. This means being able to understand and manage not only your own emotions but also those of your partner.
Lesson 1: Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
The Buddha’s teachings on the four foundations of mindfulness—observing the body, feelings, mind, and mental objects—offer a roadmap to cultivating emotional intelligence.
Mindfulness can help you pause and observe your emotions without judgment, leading to more compassionate and thoughtful responses in your relationship.
For example, instead of snapping when you’re frustrated, take a deep breath, recognise your feelings, drop the unwholesome thoughts and replace them with kindness.
Here’s the good news: the more you practise mindfulness in everyday life, the more familiar you will be with your emotions. This in turn gives you a larger breathing space (no pun intended) between the stimuli and your reaction.
This self-awareness is crucial in relationships as it enables you to identify and work on your issues rather than projecting them onto your partner.
If your partner has a habit that annoys you (e.g leaving the switch on after the kettle boils), mindfulness helps you approach the situation with patience, understanding that change takes time and that your relationship is a journey of growth.
There’s a myth that if something’s meant to be, it will come easily. The truth is that building a strong relationship takes work, and it starts with a solid foundation of friendship.
Buddha emphasised the value of kalyana-mitta, or admirable friendship, which is crucial in choosing a partner who shares your values and goals.
Lesson 2: Friendship First
Imagine you’re passionate about volunteering or animals. Finding someone who shares this passion can create a deeper connection that goes beyond surface-level attraction. When your relationship is grounded in genuine friendship, you’re better equipped to navigate life’s challenges together.
For my husband and I, we make it a point to do one hard thing together a year as a couple. Last year, we attempted Hyrox, a functional fitness competition with 8 gruelling stations and 8 rounds of 1km run.
Us at Hyrox 2023
It was challenging but having a common goal gave us opportunities to spend time together to train for the competition.
We also made friends with other couples in the fitness community and inspired each other during training. It was so fun we did it again this year!
Us at Hyrox 2024
Aside from an annual couple challenge, my husband and I commit to attending at least 1 meditation retreat together a year because we see the value of growing together spiritually.
We have been practising this over the last 7 years and will definitely continue to! Just a side note to not compare whose samadhi is deeper or more joyous – cause any form of craving is dukkha!
My husband and I at a meditation retreat
Insight 3: Don’t Lose Yourself in the Relationship
The idea that you should always put your partner’s needs before your own sounds noble but can lead to resentment and imbalance. Instead, practising mindful communication, as taught by the Buddha through Right Speech, is essential.
Lesson 3: Communicate Mindfully
Right Speech encourages us to speak truthfully, kindly, beneficially, harmoniously and at the right time. In practice, this means actively listening to your partner, seeking to understand before responding and choosing your words carefully.
Instead of cutting your partner off mid-sentence, try to listen fully, ask questions, and respond with empathy.
For example, during a disagreement, instead of saying, “You’re so careless,” you could say, “I know you didn’t intend to, but when you forgot our plans, I felt hurt.” This expresses your feelings without attacking your partner, making it easier for them to understand your perspective.
Another example of right speech is instead of bringing up old grievances that don’t relate to the current issue, focusing on what can help the situation. For instance, instead of saying “This is just like last time when you messed up.”, try saying, “Let’s work together to find a solution”.
By practising these principles of truthfulness, kindness, beneficial speech, promoting harmony and right timing, you can foster healthier communication, reduce conflict, and build a stronger relationship.
Insight 4: Conflict Can Be Constructive
Many of us view conflict as a sign of a failing relationship, but it’s actually a natural part of any partnership. Don’t let your arguments create distance between you and your partner. What matters is how you handle it. The key is to approach disagreements with compassion and an open heart.
Lesson 4: Turn Conflict into Connection
When conflict arises, focus on expressing your feelings without blaming your partner. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I share my thoughts.” This shifts the conversation from blame to understanding.
And remember, taking responsibility for your actions and apologising when needed goes a long way in healing rifts.
The Buddha taught that our intentions shape our actions and, ultimately, our relationships. The Right Intention involves cultivating thoughts of renunciation (letting go), goodwill (metta), and non-harm (ahimsa).
In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to say things that hurt. When faced with conflict, approach the situation with the intention to let go of ego, understand rather than win and consciously choose to avoid words or actions that could cause unnecessary pain. This shifts the focus from confrontation to connection.
Insight 5: Passion Ebbs and Flows
The excitement and passion of a new relationship can be intoxicating, but what sustains love in the long run is gratitude. Recognising and appreciating the small things your partner does helps keep the love alive.
Lesson 5: Practise Gratitude Daily
Gratitude is a powerful tool in any relationship. Make it a habit to thank your partner for the little things, like refilling the trash bin with a bin bag after a long day of work, being a supportive listener, and cooking scrambled eggs while you get ready for work.
These simple acts of appreciation strengthen your bond and remind both of you of the love you share.
For my husband and I, we make it a point to sit down one Sunday a month to communicate our couple’s gratitude message. “What is one thing you noticed about each other that you like?” A simple but powerful ritual.
What I discovered is that love is best expressed not through big celebrations or gifts, but through small acts of care and thoughtfulness.
Final Thoughts: Building a Joyous Relationship
A joyous relationship isn’t something that just happens—it’s a journey of effort, understanding, and compassion. By applying the Buddha’s teachings on mindfulness, spiritual friendship, communication, conflict resolution and gratitude, you can navigate the ups and downs of love with joy.
Be your own best friend first, seek out shared values, embrace conflict as a chance to grow, and never underestimate the power of a simple “thank you.”
When your inner peace is settled, your couple’s relationship will also thrive.
Wise Steps:
Cultivate emotional intelligence: Practice mindfulness daily to understand your emotions better.
Engage in shared interests and activities with your partner.
View disagreements as opportunities for growth and understanding
TLDR: This article takes you through my journey of getting into depression and a general description of the experience.
Note to readers: this article only reflects my personal journey through mental illness. Please seek professional medical advice if you are feeling unwell.
Living in blissful delusion
Just like many other young adults, I got into a long-term relationship. The relationship was rocky with its ups and downs. But eventually, following the typical Singaporean rite of passage, we decided to get a BTO housing apartment after four years together.
When the commitment of buying a house together came, it made me think about the differences in values between me and my ex.
Living in blissful delusion, I had a strong belief that if we stay together, we can work things out. There was a strong craving for romantic feelings and physical touch from another person.
The downfall
Right before the day when my ex and I were supposed to select the apartment to purchase, we got into a big fight about our differences in values. Eventually, the relationship was broken.
Not knowing what a failed relationship meant, I woke up not knowing what to do on weekends. In the past, weekends meant going out with someone.
Having a change in routine, the void and emptiness started developing. I didn’t know what to do during my free time.
Still not knowing about the emptiness that was ravaging me, there was a lack of awareness of my own thoughts and feelings. I went about my university life, taking my final year papers in anticipation of graduation and a new phase of life. Unknowingly, I became quieter than usual (I am quiet by nature) and I looked sad.
Then during a meeting with a mentor, he remarked to me, “Someone commented that you looked depressed. Are you okay?”
After that meeting, a new word entered my vocabulary, “Depression”.
Drowning in the flood
While living in blissful ignorance of my depression, I was going about my final university days, trying to pass exams and getting a job.
It turned out that depression was affecting my performance in daily life. I was replaying the thoughts of my broken relationship every single hour. Wanting to find answers to the questions in my mind, no answers could be found.
“Could I have given in more so the relationship would work out?”
“Why can’t the differences between us be reconciled after trying for years?”
The more I craved for answers, the more I tried to replay all the memories and past feelings to find answers. Unknowingly, I sank deeper in the rabbit hole.
Struggling with the raging memories, I could not focus on the daily tasks at hand. I performed poorly for my internship and my exams. I managed to graduate but without a return offer to my internship company due to poor performance.
Whilst I was jobless as a fresh graduate, I had all the time in the world to find a job. I had more time to drown myself in my sorrows as well. I replayed my memories from the past even more to try and find answers.
Eventually, it came to a point that I was crying uncontrollably in the middle of the night, alone in my room. I was drowning in my own thoughts and emotions of the past.
I hit rock bottom and thoughts of ending it all came. I was jobless, I was suffering from my thoughts and emotions and I felt trapped in pain.
Note: I will not elaborate on depression. Because thinking about it will only strengthen the intention. To anyone who is reading this, feeling depressed or not, having that awareness of depression or sadness will be the first step. The second step is to set the intention and overcome the sadness.
All mental phenomena have mind as their forerunner; they have mind as their chief; they are mind-made. If one speaks or acts with an evil mind, ‘dukkha‘ follows him just as the wheel follows the hoofprint of the ox that draws the cart. – Dhammapada 1
A mind full of negativity will only create more negative thoughts. Then suffering follows.
When I realised that I was drowning in negativity, the first thing was to acknowledge that I was in a pit and to stop digging further. Acknowledging the present situation was the first step to make me feel better and move toward recovery.
Conclusion
The intent of the article is to share my own experience of falling into depression and a general description of the experience.
The main point here is to be aware of strong negative thoughts and feelings that lingers in your mind. Being aware of the strong negative thoughts and feelings, acknowledge that you are feeling sad.
Then set the intention to see the negative state of mind as it is, not fighting the negative state of mind (not wanting the negativity) and not giving in (delighting in your pain) to the negative state of mind.
It’s not going to be easy. But overcoming the negative state of mind to have a peaceful state of mind will be worth it.
My next article will focus on how my unexpected journey into the Dhamma brought much needed relief from suffering.
Make your body and mind happy while you are trying to recover from illness (mental and physical). Do light exercises and eat healthy so your body and mind are happy and ready to change.
Acknowledge your negative thoughts and feelings. Show yourself care like how you would advise your best friend.
Celebrate each moment you feel the peace away from your troubling mind.
TL;DR: A heartfelt letter addresses the universal experience of loneliness, especially in social settings. This offers comfort through Buddhist teachings and modern research, emphasizing the importance of self-connection, mindfulness, and the distinction between loneliness and solitude. The letter concludes with three wise steps to cultivate inner peace and meaningful relationships.
Dear 18-year-old Self,
I see you. I see the weight of expectations pressing down on your shoulders, and the relentless need to have everything figured out.
This pressure, this constant striving to meet your own and others’ expectations, has led you to a place of aimlessness and doubt. You feel lost when your goals remain unmet, and in these moments, loneliness wraps around you like a cold, unforgiving cloak.
Utterly Alone
I vividly remember that night in your university dorm room. The sounds of laughter and chatter filtered through the thin walls as your classmates gathered in the common area. You sat on your bed, laptop open but forgotten, staring at the door. You were surrounded by people and even friends, and yet you felt utterly alone.
You considered joining them. After all, wasn’t that what college was supposed to be about? Making friends, having fun, creating memories. But the thought of stepping into that room filled you with dread.
You knew you’d paste on a smile, laugh at the right moments, and make the appropriate small talk. But beneath it all, you’d still feel that gnawing emptiness, that disconnect.
It wasn’t that your classmates were unkind or unwelcoming. They were good people, and on the surface, you got along well. But something was missing. The conversations never seemed to go beyond the superficial – classes, campus gossip, weekend plans.
Something Deeper
You yearned for deeper connections, for conversations that would challenge your thoughts and stimulate your mind. You craved authenticity in a world that seemed content with the shallow and fleeting. You wanted to be understood.
At that moment, the loneliness felt almost palpable. You could reach out and touch it, a barrier between you and the world outside your door.
You wondered if something was wrong with you. Why couldn’t you just be satisfied with what everyone else seemed to enjoy?
Why did you always feel like you were on the outside looking in, even when you were right in the middle of things?
This experience, my dear self, is a poignant reminder that loneliness isn’t about physical isolation. It’s about emotional and intellectual connection. You can be in a room full of people and still feel profoundly alone if those connections are missing.
You aren’t alone in feeling lonely
But here’s what I want you to remember: this feeling, as isolating as it is, is more common than you think. Many others in that very room probably felt the same way, hiding behind their own masks of casual cheerfulness.
The Buddhist teaching of dukkha reminds us that dissatisfaction and a sense of discontent are universal human experiences. As you navigate these feelings, consider also the words of the late Zen monk, Thich Nhat Hanh: “Loneliness is the ill-being of our time. We are lonely together.”
In the Samyutta Nikaya (SN 56.11), the Buddha teaches about suffering as a noble truth. He explains that being separated from what is pleasing and being united with what is unpleasing are forms of suffering.
Your experience in that dorm room – being physically close to others but emotionally distant – is a modern manifestation of this ancient wisdom.
Loneliness & solitude
The funny thing that I’ve learnt over the years is that loneliness and solitude are not the same. It’s not how many people you try to fill your hours with, or the achievements, or social status that matters. Loneliness is a state of feeling disconnected.
Solitude, however, is a chosen state of being alone, where you can find empowerment and contentment in your own company. This distinction is critical, as psychologist Netta Weinstein’s research highlights.
This experience of loneliness, painful as it was, was also an invitation. An invitation to look inward, to understand yourself better, and to seek out the kinds of connections that truly nourish yourself.
Her studies show that solitude can be a source of empowerment and positivity, whereas feelings of disconnection and sadness mark loneliness, and according to the US Surgeon General’s Report, it increases the risk of premature death by 50%, akin to the dangers of smoking (Rest in peace, Uncle Cheong. 12 cigs a day didn’t make you live till 90.)
It was a catalyst for growth, pushing you to explore what friendship and connection really mean to you, and more importantly, learning to find “home – a place within where you feel warm, comfortable, safe, fulfilled.”
Going Home
This concept of “going home” is central to addressing loneliness. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that “going home” means returning to the island of self through mindful breathing, sitting and walking.
Within a few seconds, you connect with yourself. You know what is going on: what is going on in your body, what is going on in your feelings and your emotions, what is going on in your perceptions, and so on. He further explains, “By sitting down, you stop that state of being: losing yourself, not being yourself.
Everyday you rush through life, going from one class to another, without really knowing what’s happening. Physically, you are there, but you do not know that you are there. You are alive, but it’s almost as though you do not know you are alive. And that is happening almost all day long.
And when you sit down, you connect to yourself.” Every time we sit down on a cushion, we do so to connect with ourselves. Sitting down is an act of revolution, it is the way to heal ourselves and the collective loneliness of our society.
Your journey through loneliness is not just a personal struggle; it’s part of the greater human experience. By facing it with courage and compassion, you’re not only working towards your own healing but contributing to a more connected and compassionate world.
May you be free from suffering. May you find peace. May you know that even in your loneliest moments, you are part of something greater – there is a future ahead of you, where you will walk in solitude on a beautiful Sunday evening, taking in the sights and sounds of a lovely garden, feeling fully content, joyous and peaceful. I promise you these dark days will be over.
I shall leave you with this final reflection: How can you connect with another person when you cannot connect with yourself?
With deep love,
Your Wiser Self (10 years later)
3 Wise Steps for anyone struggling with loneliness:
1. Practice Daily Mindfulness: Set aside time each day for mindful breathing or walking. This will help you connect with yourself and find peace within.
2. Embrace ‘solitude crafting’—intentionally planning fulfilling alone time. Use alone time for self-discovery and personal growth. Engage in activities that nurture your mind and body. Cultivate Authentic Connections: Seek out relationships that allow for deeper, more meaningful interactions. Quality matters more than quantity.
3. Seek Professional Help: If loneliness persists and impacts your well-being, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide support and strategies to navigate through these challenging feelings.
