TLDR: Buddha talked about money and how to handle it wisely. Work hard, spend mindfully. Giving with compassion and understanding emptiness helps grow spiritually and lets go of ego, bringing joy.
Is money the root of all evil?
We may have heard the sayings: “Money is the root of all evil”, “Money can’t buy happiness”, “The best things in life are free”, and so on. Do they ring true for you? Do you wonder what the Buddha had to say about money and finance?
Many Buddhists tend to shy away from the topic of money, thinking that it is somehow incompatible with being a “true Buddhist”. However, the Buddha did not ignore the importance of money for lay people.
He gave practical advice on how to manage and grow wealth in some of the earliest sutras. For example, in the Dighajanu (Vyagghapajja) Sutta (DN 8.54), he taught rich householders how to protect and increase their prosperity and how to avoid losing it.
The Buddha emphasised the need for diligent work as a condition for material success. He said: “Herein, Vyagghapajja, by whatever activity a householder earns his living, whether by farming, by trading, by rearing cattle, by archery, by service under the king, or by any other kind of craft โ at that he becomes skilful and is not lazy.
He is endowed with the power of discernment as to the proper ways and means; he can carry out and allocate (duties). This is called the accomplishment of persistent effort.”
He urged us to distinguish between needs and wants and to make conscious choices in a world that constantly tempts us with stimuli.
He said: “A householder who knows his income and expenses leads a balanced life, neither extravagant nor miserly, knowing that thus his income will exceed his expenses, but not his expenses his income.โฆ Likewise, a householder who knows his income and expenses leads a balanced life, neither extravagant nor miserly, knowing that thus his income will exceed his expenses, but not his expenses his income.”
What to do if we feel poor?
If we feel poor and insecure about our finances, we can examine within to see if we have fulfilled the right conditions for wealth, namely:
The accomplishment of persistent effort (utthana-sampada): Becoming skilful and not lazy at perfecting our work
The accomplishment of watchfulness (arakkha-sampada): Safeguarding our wealth through tax planning (so that kings will not confiscate it), proper security and custody of assets (so that thieves will not steal it), safe storage and insurance, legal protection (so that fire will not burn it, water will not wash it away, or ill-intentioned heirs will not take it)
Good friendship (kalyanamittata): Having friends who are full of faith (saddha), virtue (sila), generosity (caga), and wisdom (paรฑรฑa)
Balanced livelihood (sama-jivikata): Spending neither too much nor too little
While wealth does not guarantee happiness, it can support our spiritual growth. If we are financially stable, we are more likely to have the space and time to deepen our practice.
We may be able to take unpaid leave for longer retreats, donate to help our spiritual teacher build a meditation centre, afford to travel overseas to attend teachings that are crucial for our development, etc.
Giving and Generosity
Giving, or dana in Pali, is a fundamental practice in Buddhism. It is the first of the ten paramitas (perfections) that a Bodhisattva cultivates on the path to enlightenment. It is also the first topic that the Buddha taught to lay people who wanted to progress in their spiritual journey.
Giving is closely related to the virtue of compassion, which is the motivation to alleviate the suffering of others.
Giving also helps to overcome the defilements of greed, attachment, and self-centeredness, which are obstacles to liberation.
Giving can take various forms, depending on the giver’s and recipient’s needs and capacities. The early Buddhist texts classify giving into two types: the gift of material things and the gift of the Dharma.
The gift of material things includes food, drink, clothing, shelter, medicine, and other necessities that support life and well-being. The gift of the Dharma includes the teachings of the Buddha, the guidance of spiritual friends, and the inspiration of good examples.
Both types of giving are considered meritorious and beneficial, but the gift of the Dharma is said to be superior, as it leads to the ultimate happiness of nirvana.
Giving from a Mahayana Perspective
The Mahayana teachings expand the practice of giving (generosity) in several ways. They introduce the concept of the six paramitas, with generosity being the first paramita for someone aspiring to follow the Bodhisattva path.
Mahayana teachings emphasise the emptiness and non-attachment of giving. They teach that giving should be done without any notion of self, other, giver, recipient, or gift. These are all conventional and relative terms, which do not capture the ultimate reality of emptiness.
Emptiness means that all phenomena are interdependent, impermanent, and devoid of inherent existence.
For instance, if we have donated a computer to a charity, there is no need for us to hold on to the idea that โI have donated a computerโ, โthe computer was mineโ, โthe charity is indebted to me because of my donationโ or โI will be checking every day for the next three years to make sure the charity is putting MY computer to good useโ, etc.
We simply acknowledge that the computer is useful for the charity, and I have the resources to give a computer, thus while there is the act of giving, with no attachment to the giving, the giver and the beneficiary.
It is simply the play of emptiness wisdom and compassion at work. In this way, giving is practised with the awareness of emptiness, which is the true nature of all things.
Emptiness as the ultimate gift
One of the most famous Buddhist saints who talked about the emptiness nature of generosity was Shantideva, an 8th-century Indian monk and scholar. He composed a famous text called the The Way of the Bodhisattva (TWB), a comprehensive and practical manual on cultivating the six paramitas, including giving.ย
In chapter eight, Shantideva explains how the spirit of generosity is a gift to ourselves and others. He writes:
Giving is possible only because of the emptiness of the giver, recipient, and gift. There is no inherent or independent existence in any of these, but only the interdependence of the giver, recipient and gift (recall our computer example previously).
Therefore, in giving without any attachment, pride, or expectation of reward, but with a pure and compassionate mind, a Buddhist practitioner may try to emulate the way of a Bodhisattva.
The accumulation of wealth and giving it away
If we have spent some effort to accumulate wealth, then giving it away is a wonderful way to observe our relationship with money.
We also learn to appreciate both the useful nature of money and its ephemeral nature.
Ego clinging is a form of ignorance, which is the root cause of suffering. Giving wealth away can help dissolve ego clinging by shifting oneโs focus from oneself to others, by recognising the interdependence and equality of all beings, and by expressing gratitude and appreciation for what one has.
With mindfulness, we can also observe if there is any inherent pain or unwillingness when we give away our hard-earned money. If there is discomfort, then we have projected the wealth as โmineโ or identify closely with the accumulated money as โmy wealthโ.
By acquiring our wealth ethically and willingly letting go of what we have, we can experience the freedom and joy of non-attachment, and realise that oneโs true nature is not dependent on external conditions.
May we rediscover our relationship with money, and deeply respect both money’s useful nature in supporting our practice and its impermanence and emptiness nature.
Wise Steps:
Mindful consumptions – Noticing Needs vs Wants
Practice generosity in everyday life. Volunteer our time or donate our resources, and notice if any mental afflictions (e.g. greed, pride, etc) accompany our act of generosity
Editor: In Singapore & Malaysia, there is a growing FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) movement amongst Gen-Zs and Millennials. Author ‘S’, shares his experience in achieving FIRE at a young age. With the freedom to do anything you want and not work for the rest of your life, what else could you ask for! We tend to talk about FIRE, but what’s after that? S dives deeper.
TL;DR: It took lots of rollercoaster rides with money for me to find my true passion, which led to a broader question: whatโs the meaning of life?
My obsession with money started young.
I was 18 when I told someone my goal was to make a hundred million dollars by 35. It seemed like an absurd, unreachable goal for someone who didnโt come from a wealthy family. But deep down, I believed I could do it. In fact, I believed I could exceed it. I wanted to be a billionaire. I wanted so much money I wouldnโt even know what to do with it.
But why?
That has always been a question that bothered me whenever I wanted something badly. Why? Whatโs next? Whatโs next when I do become a billionaire? Whatโs the point?
I remember walking into a Louis Vuitton shop, admiring all the expensive shoes and bags, and fantasizing about all the things I would buy when Iโm rich.
I would look at photos of sports cars and imagine myself in a Lamborghini. When having a Lamborghini doesnโt feel good enough, I would find even more exclusive cars to get.
But why?
I wanted to be admired. Iโd get a kick when people envy me. But did that really make me happy?
When I shared my goals with my closest friends, I could feel them distancing. My friends didnโt want to know how much money I had, or how rich I would become. I could see them nodding their heads but the corner of their eyes would look odd โ something I could never quite make out.
Then I realised, nobody cares.
Nobody cares how rich I will be. They only care about themselves.
In fact, if Iโm richer than them, it makes them feel insecure. It pushes them away. My need for approval actually drove my closest friends away. Nobody admired me.
I stopped sharing and talking about money with my friends.
Alright, so if money wasnโt going to get me admiration, why do I need more money?
Maybe to be happy? Makes sense. Having all the money in the world would free me from having to work.
So I worked hard to make money.
When most people were thinking about grades, I was teaching tuition. I studied the richest people like Warren Buffett. I took up jobs like sales where the number of hours I worked didnโt determine how much money I made. I did well in sales.
I started businesses on the side to earn more money. I scrimped and saved. I spent countless hours reading all the books and watching all the videos I can find about investing.
Then, the time finally came. I had enough money to feel like I didnโt need to work anymore.
So I retired. At 29.
I wonโt lie. It was great at the start. The feeling of being able to wake up any time I want, having an empty calendar, and having money to pursue my hobbies and passions.
But what were my passions? What was truly my passion?
I had spent so much time trying to make money that making money was my only passion. Investing was my passion. Thinking about money was my passion.
But now that I have money, whatโs next?
I spent one year trying out so many hobbies. It feels great to wake up and just play computer games the whole day, but I soon realised I canโt do this forever. I tried knitting, sports, photography, travelling, and many others. But few turned into passions.
Some hobbies stuck, like exercising and hanging out with friends. But I wouldnโt call them passions.
Something was still missing. I wasnโt happy.
I realised that I have a strong need for intellectual stimulation, and I went back to a job that satisfied that urge. That job is now my passion. I wake up every day more excited about that job than I was when I was financially free.
I used to think that retiring meant having so much money I donโt have to work anymore.
But Naval Ravikant once said retiring means not sacrificing today for an imaginary tomorrow.
To me, not sacrificing today means not depriving myself of good food to save more money. Not missing out on gatherings to earn more money. Not making so much money, then wondering whatโs the point of it all.
When I had enough money but didnโt have a true passion, I still felt like every day was a struggle. I was still sacrificing each day to find a better tomorrow where I feel intellectually engaged.
If I feel like Iโm not sacrificing today, Iโm retired. I donโt need a lot of money for that. I can be working, and I feel retired.
When I found my true passion, I finally stopped asking why.
The best thing about the meaning of life is that itโs a very personal journey. Thereโs no one meaning for everyone, else weโll all be competing for that same meaning. Thatโs also why I didnโt share mine because it will be very different from yours.
Yours could be to maximise the money you make before you die. It could be to find the love of your life. It could very well be that life has no meaning for you, and youโre floating along life seeing what it brings.
Thereโs no right answer. Thereโs your answer.
Thereโre many self-help books with steps to follow. Do x, and youโll get Y. Study hard, and youโll get better grades. Start a successful business, and youโll get rich.
TL;DR: Pei Jing muses about his two retrenchment experiences and the Dhamma lessons he took away: 1) save up a quarter of your salary when you do earn; 2) investigate and understand your suffering; 3) do good; 4) play up your strengths.
If there is a relatively unique experience that I can claim, which even the Prime Minister of Singapore can’t lay claim to, it is probably the fact that I have been retrenched before. Not once, but twice.
P.S. Pei Jing has his own blog! Read more of his muses here.
My first retrenchment
The first layoff was in May 2008. The call came when I was at my desk, in the investment bank’s office at Two International Finance Centre in Hong Kong.
On a good day, from my office, you could see clearly across Victoria Harbour into Kowloon. But most of the time, we were working for such long hours that I almost took the view for granted.
“Please come up to this meeting room.”
I knew what it was about, but I was so tired from pulling the all-nighter the night before that I felt numb.
I entered the meeting room and saw the Managing Director of my team seated with a stranger I didn’t know. “This is X from HR”, said the MD.
What happened next was a bit of a blur. But it was unmistakable that I was getting laid off. I suppose I only had myself to blame. When my direct boss asked me what I was going to do with my annual bonus, I told him that I was going to leave to study. So now I was getting laid off right before the bonuses were being paid off.
“What happens if I don’t accept this retrenchment amount of two months salary?” I asked. “Then you’ll get nothing,” said the HR lady.
So I signed, but not without some anger as the annual bonuses were 6 months and above. When I passed the form to her, she reminded me, “Please remember that you’re not supposed to disclose the amount to other people.”
I was angry.
Angry at the fact that I was given a pittance. Angry at the fact that I was made to work an all nighter just before they laid me off. Angry that they also laid off other colleagues who were extremely hard working but kept those who were well connected to the rich and powerful. Angry at the lies they had told us.
Up until the last moment, they kept telling us that they won’t lay off first-year analysts.
But I was also curiously happy because that one year of investment banking was miserable.
My parents came up from Singapore to visit me in Hong Kong once. Yet for the entire fortnight, they saw me a grand total of five meals, as I was tied up with work. When they left, they had gone to the trouble of buying some ginseng to brew, and kept telling me to watch out for my health.
My usual working hours were from 9am to 3am on weekdays. On weekends I would go in around 12pm to 1pm, often staying until 3am.
The salary was really high (HKD 55,000, which was around S$11,000 back then or $14,000 in todayโs value) but this was an insane cost on my life. So I had planned to leave anyway. When I surrendered my Blackberry, I was told that I was the only one who was smiling as I did so. And why not? That device was torture.
Unlike my other peers who were laid off before me,I was allowed to stay in the office to say bye to people before I left for good. “The others”, I was told, “went up to the meeting rooms and never came back to our floor. Their secretaries then packed their stuff into boxes, which was mailed to them.”
I bid farewell to my buddies, but also to the assistants and other colleagues, before I walked off home to sleep. My manager came to say bye, with tears in his eyes as he said sorry.
What was the point of saying sorry when he had already pulled the trigger? At that point, I thought he was just trying to make himself feel better and I couldn’t wait to leave his presence.
An unusual encouragement
On the way home in Central, Hong Kong, I came across a very unusual sight.
There were multiple regular beggars (mostly from mainland China), especially on this particular overhead bridge that I crossed daily. The way they begged was almost comical: one grey-haired lady kept kowtowing profusely at every single pedestrian who walked past while there’s another regular who just bowed down and never looked up.
This guy I met was not a regular. He was armless and handless but he was focused purely on his calligraphy. His calligraphy was amazing: his skill with his two stumps was much better than most able-bodied Chinese I know.
Incidentally, the calligraphy he wrote was especially apt for my retrenched state of being. The broad meaning of the phrase is, “Those with a will/direction, will definitely succeed. Those who suffered (for their will), Heaven won’t abandon them.”
First set of couplets I received from the calligrapher.
There were pretty high odds that I was getting laid off. Rumours had been going around that my ex-firm was not doing well and there would be layoffs. Colleagues who had experienced layoffs in other firms told me, “you just wait. They will fire all the locals but protect their own.” As someone who had zero political connections, I was expecting to be laid off anyway.
But the odds that, at the very moment I was walking home from being retrenched, an ARMLESS and HANDLESS calligrapher will be writing THIS phrase … ? It was encouraging, and perhaps a sign.
I stood there watching him work and said to him after a while, “Your calligraphy is beautiful! How much is this piece?” I thought he was going to say something ridiculous but to my huge surprise, he said, “Whatever price you think this is worthwhile.”
On the spot, I offered him a sum of money (that I cannot remember) and also commissioned him to write up my school motto โTo strive unyieldinglyโ (“This is a saying from I Ching”, he said, which turned out to be true.) Both pieces are now framed up at my parents’ home.
(This was my special commission to him after I walked back)
Same fate, different outcomes
Even though I had not been particularly deliberate in saving up money, I still had enough after my retrenchment that I estimated I could keep my apartment and live the way I did for easily another six months and then some. In the worst case, I was prepared to just dump everything and return home to Singapore.
That’s when I heard the story of Y, an ex-colleague from the same firm. Y was laid off earlier than me. Unlike me, Y wasn’t smiling when she gave up her Blackberry. When I met Y with other friends at a meal, Y clearly looked distressed and asked around if anybody knew of any banking job opportunities.
A mutual friend later shared that Y had only half a month of rental left in her bank account. I was shocked, “Huh? What did she spend her salary on??” It turned out that Y had spent almost her entire salary on not just branded bags, shoes, designer clothes, but also massage packages, spa treatments, pedicures & manicures (which she had bought by a lump sum package because it was “cheaper”).
The mutual friend also told me that Y had a habit of urging everyone around her to spend money, because “you’re a banker, you can afford it!”
Never did Y realise back then that she could not afford to lose being a banker.
The second retrenchment
One year later in April 2009, my second layoff was much less dramatic.
I had left Hong Kong and joined a proprietary trading firm in Singapore, which was started by two Irish proprietary futures traders. It was a small outfit of less than 12 people, based in UOB’s building.
When we first joined, they told us we each had a Profit & Loss (financial statement) with a S$15,000 downside limit. Over the months, the downside limit reduced to $12,000, then $10,000. By the time I got laid off, my account loss was around $9,000.
After I made my final losing trade, I got called into the office, was told “it’s not working out”, and was then asked to leave. This time with no retrenchment benefits at all.
A few months later, the firm wrapped up its operations in Singapore. And a few months later, it wrapped up for good.
[Years later, I read Michael Lewis’ book “Flash Boys” and recognized what had happened to our firm: we were basically bled dry by high frequency traders. We would hit the offers, only to be filled in at prices that were significantly different from the offers we hit.]
No more โfoolingโ around
This second layoff had no “divine signal”, no signs of encouragement. As the American saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”I was beginning to wonder if the finance industry was fooling me twice. I wondered if I should continue or I should find something that is more meaningful beyond aiming to make rich people richer.
My initial instinct was to try and apply what I learned at the trading outfit, but it is different when you are a retail trader versus at a professional outfit: the lag times are even greater; there are significantly larger margins you have to pay and there is almost no “edge” (i.e. advantage) you have in the market.
Most importantly, my psychology was also fraught: I needed to make money, which magnified the emotions and made trading harder.
After a few months of trying to trade my own account, depleting my savings, and feeling emotionally exhausted from chasing money for its own sake, I decided to apply only to public service jobs. I wanted to spend my time working on something more meaningful. That was how I started my decade-long career in the public service.
What I learnt from retrenchment
Looking back, I think there are a few lessons that I drew from my two retrenchments, which might help others who are facing impending retrenchments. Where appropriate, I have also included excerpts from the Buddhist texts.
Pre-Retrenchment: Always have some savings, ideally a quarter.
Startup funding is measured in time. Every startup that isn’t profitable (meaning nearly all of them, initially) has a certain amount of time left before the money runs out and they have to stop. This is sometimes referred to as runway, as in “How much runway do you have left?” It’s a good metaphor because it reminds you that when the money runs out you’re going to be airborne or dead.
For any individual, I would recommend saving up a runway of at least 6 months of your monthly necessary expenses, excluding your long-term savings. That gives a lot of psychological freedom, because you are not in a state where you need to make money. That freedom was what I had during my first layoff but not during my second layoff.
Take a balanced approach to your budget
But one also shouldn’t go to the extreme of hoarding without any expenditure at all! Nor should one spend too much (like my ex-colleague Y). Instead, you need to strike a balance in your personal finances, avoiding both extremes.
And what is accomplishment in balanced finances? Itโs when a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, balances his finances, being neither too extravagant nor too frugal. He thinks, โIn this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.โ Itโs like an appraiser or their apprentice who, holding up the scales, knows that itโs low by this much or high by this much. In the same way, a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, balances his finances, being neither too extravagant nor too frugal. He thinks, โIn this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.โ If a gentleman has little income but an opulent life, people will say: โThis gentleman eats their wealth like a fig-eater!โ If a gentleman has a large income but a spartan life, people will say: โThis gentleman is starving themselves to death!โ But a gentleman, knowing his income and expenditure, leads a balanced life, neither too extravagant nor too frugal, thinking, โIn this way my income will exceed my expenditure, not the reverse.โ This is called accomplishment in balanced finances.
Then what should you use your wealth for? Make yourself happy and pleased first, followed by the people around you.
Then King Pasenadi of Kosala went up to the Buddha in the middle of the day, bowed, and sat down to one side. The Buddha said to him, โSo, great king, where are you coming from in the middle of the day?โ
โSir, here in Sฤvatthฤซ a financier householder has passed away. Since he died childless, I have come after transferring his fortune to the royal compound. There was eight million in gold, not to mention the silver. And yet that financier ate meals of rough gruel with pickles. He wore clothes consisting of three pieces of sunn hemp. He traveled around in a vehicle that was a dilapidated little cart, holding a leaf as sunshade.โ
โThatโs so true, great king! Thatโs so true! When a bad person has acquired exceptional wealth they donโt make themselves happy and pleased. Nor do they make their mother and father, partners and children, bondservants, workers, and staff, and friends and colleagues happy and pleased. And they donโt establish an uplifting religious donation for ascetics and brahmins thatโs conducive to heaven, ripens in happiness, and leads to heaven. Because they havenโt made proper use of that wealth, rulers or bandits take it, or fire consumes it, or flood sweeps it away, or unloved heirs take it. Since that wealth is not properly utilized, itโs wasted, not used.
Suppose there was a lotus pond in an uninhabited region with clear, sweet, cool water, clean, with smooth banks, delightful. But people donโt collect it or drink it or bathe in it or use it for any purpose. Since that water is not properly utilized, itโs wasted, not used.
In the same way, when a bad person has acquired exceptional wealth โฆ itโs wasted, not used.
When retrenched: remember the Noble Truths
When you are being retrenched, it can feel like a punch in the gut. A million questions and emotions will be flying through your head, “What do you mean I’m being laid off?” “I need this job to feed my family.” “Why am I fired but not that lazy ass on level 26?” for etc.
The next thing to recognise is that your mind’s first reaction is to flee away from the suffering as fast as possible, either through denial or repression. Your mind is also likely to be defiled by negative emotions like anger or a strong desire to be somewhere else.
Consider the (First Noble) truth: life is suffering. To be born is to suffer, to exist is to suffer, as taught by the first sentence in this passage from the Buddha’s First Sermon:
โThis noble truth of suffering should be completely understood…โ
By seeking to understand your experience, you might ask yourself, โWhy am I suffering? What’s the cause for this suffering?โ At a fundamental level, the (Second Noble) truth is, your suffering is caused by you wanting or craving something.
โNow this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.
The original Pali word for “craving” is taแนhฤ, which is also the word for THIRST.
The following is a useful guiding question. Anytime you’re suffering, ask yourself, โWhat is it that you want?โ That wanting is the cause of your suffering, becauseโฆ
โNow this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the cessation of suffering: it is the remainderless fading away and cessation of that same craving, the giving up and relinquishing of it, freedom from it, nonreliance on it. [In Pali: yo tassฤyeva taแนhฤya asesavirฤganirodho cฤgo paแนญinissaggo mutti anฤlayo.]
These are the four ways of letting go, of not wanting:
Caga – giving, generosity;
Patinissaga – letting go;
Mutti – free, releasing;
Analaya – Non-reliance, not-resting, not-sticking, a “Teflon mind”.
I would double down on caga. In fact, when you’re retrenched, I would strongly encourage you to volunteer and just give your time: go out of the house and do some volunteer work for a cause that inspires you. Because that makes unstealable wealth for you!
Make more unstealable wealth.
The Buddha gave this great definition of wealth that cannot be stolen from you, which I’m calling โunstealable wealthโ.
โHe has a hundred thousand gold coins, not to mention the silver!โ
โWell, Ugga, that is wealth, I canโt deny it. But fire, water, rulers, thieves, and unloved heirs all take a share of that wealth. There are these seven kinds of wealth that they canโt take a share of. What seven? The wealth of faith, ethical conduct, conscience, prudence, learning, generosity, and wisdom. There are these seven kinds of wealth that fire, water, rulers, thieves, and unloved heirs canโt take a share of.
When you’re retrenched, it can sometimes feel tough. โMy dream job was taken from me! Oh, that lovely (employment benefit) that I loved!โ
The Buddha’s definition of unstealable wealth reminds us that there are things that cannot be taken from us. You probably gained a lot of knowledge from your work: that’s not something that can be taken from you (except by time).
For example, I learned how to do financial valuation models in banking (which has made me extremely skeptical about all financial projections!), but I also used some of the trading-comparable techniques in analyzing companies when I started work in the Economic Development Board.
Also, your acts of generosity, kindness, compassion, all cannot be stolen from you by others, nor removed by your ex employer. It’s something you have done before, and belongs to you. To exercise generosity, kindness, and compassion, to keep your Five Precepts and ethics, all these require no money to do! So what’s stopping you from making more of this “unstealable wealth” while you’re unemployed?
Even if you feel that somehow this unemployment situation was due to your bad kamma, you can’t get rid of bad kamma by “burning” it or just “tolerating” it. All the more, you should go out and just go good!
Suppose a person was to drop a lump of salt into a small bowl of water. What do you think, mendicants? Would that small bowl of water become salty and undrinkable?โ
โYes, sir. Why is that? Because there is only a little water in the bowl.โ
โSuppose a person was to drop a lump of salt into the Ganges river. What do you think, mendicants? Would the Ganges river become salty and undrinkable?โ
โNo, sir. Why is that? Because the Ganges river is a vast mass of water.โ
โThis is how it is in the case of a person who does a trivial bad deed, but it lands them in hell. Meanwhile, another person does the same trivial bad deed, but experiences it in the present life, without even a bit left over, not to speak of a lot. โฆ
From the discourse above, we learn that you don’t burn bad kamma: you dilute it to the point where the bad kamma is like a lump of salt in a Ganges river of goodwill and good kamma.
You focus on making good kamma, on the positive, on the joy that arises from the intention (more in the latter). The more good kamma you make, the less your bad kamma from the past is going to impact you.
Again, the Buddha has some great advice on the kamma leading to long life, health, beauty, influence, wealth, status and wisdom:
โMaster Gotama, what is the cause and condition why human beings are seen to be inferior and superior? For people are seen to be short-lived and long-lived, sickly and healthy, ugly and beautiful, uninfluential and influential, poor and wealthy, low-born and high-born, stupid and wise. What is the cause and condition, Master Gotama, why human beings are seen to be inferior and superior?โ
โStudent, beings are owners of their actions, heirs of their actions; they originate from their actions, are bound to their actions, have their actions as their refuge. It is action that distinguishes beings as inferior and superior.โ
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…This is the way, student, that leads to short life, namely, one kills living beings and is murderous, bloody-handed, given to blows and violence, merciless to living beings.… This is the way, student, that leads to long life, namely, abandoning the killing of living beings, one abstains from killing living beings; with rod and weapon laid aside, gentle and kindly, one abides compassionate to all living beings.
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… This is the way, student, that leads to sickliness, namely, one is given to injuring beings with the hand, with a clod, with a stick, or with a knife….This is the way, student, that leads to health, namely, one is not given to injuring beings with the hand, with a clod, with a stick, or with a knife.
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… This is the way, student, that leads to ugliness, namely, one is of an angry and irritable characterโฆand displays anger, hate, and bitterness…. This is the way, student, that leads to being beautiful, namely, one is not of an angry and irritable characterโฆand does not display anger, hate, and bitterness.
…This is the way, student, that leads to being uninfluential, namely, one is enviousโฆtowards the gains, honour, respect, reverence, salutations, and veneration received by others….This is the way, student, that leads to being influential, namely, one is not enviousโฆtowards the gains, honour, respect, reverence, salutations, and veneration received by others.
… This is the way, student, that leads to poverty, namely, one does not give food, drink, clothing, carriages, garlands, scents, unguents, beds, dwelling, and lamps to recluses or brahmins.…This is the way, student, that leads to wealth, namely, one gives foodโฆand lamps to recluses or brahmins...
Tips on Looking for a New Job
When looking for a new job, it is useful and important to know what you’re looking for or not. It’s also important and useful to know what you’re good at or not: this depends whether you’re just starting out in your career, or you’ve more experience.
If you’re just starting out, I think you should just try different things and learn from your experience. For example, I learned from my two layoffs that:
(a) I hated the investment banking lifestyle;
(b) I really didn’t have a knack for day-trading futures;
(c) After a while, the pointlessness of making rich people richer really wore me down.
With time and experience, you know what your strengths are and that then allows you to figure out where and how you should play to your strengths in your future jobs.
I’ll end with this beautiful Buddhist parable of a quail playing to its strengths, outwitting a hawk. May you be a quail that finds your clods of soil!
โBhikkhus, once in the past a hawk suddenly swooped down and seized a quail. Then, while the quail was being carried off by the hawk, he lamented: โWe were so unlucky, of so little merit! We strayed out of our own resort into the domain of others. If we had stayed in our own resort today, in our own ancestral domain, this hawk wouldnโt have stood a chance against me in a fight.โโโBut what is your own resort, quail, what is your own ancestral domain?โโโThe freshly ploughed field covered with clods of soil.โ
โThen the hawk, confident of her own strength, not boasting of her own strength, released the quail, saying: โGo now, quail, but even there you wonโt escape me.โ
โThen, bhikkhus, the quail went to a freshly ploughed field covered with clods of soil. Having climbed up on a large clod, he stood there and addressed the hawk: โCome get me now, hawk! Come get me now, hawk!โ
โThen the hawk, confident of her own strength, not boasting of her own strength, folded up both her wings and suddenly swooped down on the quail. But when the quail knew, โThat hawk has come close,โ he slipped inside that clod, and the hawk shattered her breast right on the spot. So it is, bhikkhus, when one strays outside oneโs own resort into the domain of others….
Wise Steps:
Aportion a quarter of your salary towards your savings when you are employed.
If you were retrenched, try to understand your suffering using the Noble Truths.
Yield your mind to perform acts of generosity, goodwill and letting go. These form the โunstealable wealthโ that retrenchment canโt even take away from you.
Recognise your strengths and play up to them when searching for your next job!
TLDR: Be mindful of the underlying metaphors that shape your view of relationships. Relationships are not transactions to be balanced out, but collaborative artworks that are infinitely deep. Give selflessly with no expectation of return. Ironically, this is also how you are rewarded with beautiful and deep connections.
My Journey Into Seeking โBalanceโ
I am not sure which came first – my fascination with order or obsession with building card towers. Either way, this childhood hobby created an attraction to balance. I recall many Chinese New Year holidays where I would eye decks of poker cards and make mental notes to squirrel them away as building blocks for my castles and city blocks.
And though I certainly delighted in the splendour of a make-believe cityscape, my deepest absorption was reserved for the delicate balancing act of 2 plain poker cards, repeated ad infinitum.
Years later, this hobby faded away, leaving a faint but indelible psychological imprint. This shaped the way I arranged my academic life, family time and relationships.
My secondary school life was the first proving ground for this worldview. Friendships were cordial, positive and respectful. I excelled in group discussions, where everyone gets proportionate air time. I was a reliable team member in group projects, where I always put in my fair share of work.
Being a natural listener, I made sure to listen and speak in equal measures, I was an easy conversationalist who struck up many acquaintances. Favours were always reciprocated. All these made me an uncontroversial choice for the class monitor, and eventually the consortium council chairperson.
Everything stood in beautiful order, and I played my discrete role in this tower of cards to the tee.
When Balancing Everything Frays
And yet, these neat, clean lines showed signs of fraying. Somehow, I was deeply unsettled in more personal settings like stay-overs and class barbecues, where our roles and lines blurred into a confusing mix of funny personal stories, boyish mocking and crude jokes. This discomfort didn’t entirely stem from a growing sense of moral superiority.
Even as a council chairman, there was an invisible wall that separated me from the rest of my executive committee. This wall thinned during official meetings, thickened in informal work sessions and get-togethers. Was I drawing my boundary lines too thickly and sharply? Could they be drawn any other way?
Someone once told me that life will keep teaching you the same lesson until you learn it. In my case with relationships, the lesson first came in pricks and then bludgeons.
Who Should Pay for The Food?
We were at a Bishan hawker centre filled with the usual lunch crowd. I parked our bags down on a recently vacated table and signalled my girlfriend to buy our lunch. She hesitated a moment and then merged into the crowd. I sensed something was off but brushed it off.
Later, on our walk home, with eyes downcast, she remarked with a touch of resentment that she had paid for our meal.
“I footed the last few bills, isn’t it only fair that we split?”, I protested almost immediately. In my mind, our 2 poker cards had started tipping over, and her paying for our last meal tipped them back into poise. At that moment though, something else hung in the balance.
“Yes, that makes sense dear, but in our relationship, I had expected you to pay for the meals.”, she said softly.
That comment hit a deep, raw nerve, setting off an emotional quarrel about values and equality, a quarrel that did not resolve when we reached her house.
I turned away, fuming, without so much as a goodbye. She later called, apologized for the comment, and we agreed to an uneasy truce that we would split our couple expenses down the middle.
Like a hastily plastered band-aid, this agreement tided us through easy and safe couple activities over the next few weeks but tore apart in the face of the truly difficult issues.
When Seeking โBalanceโ Spirals into Pain
We were talking about settling down, and the question of who was paying for the house naturally came into the picture. I wanted us to split the expenses proportional to our income; she wanted me to shoulder the entire cost. This was the meal payment quarrel all over again, on a larger magnitude.
Almost immediately, the same disagreements erupted with greater fury. We argued for weeks, with frustration and mounting anger.
I was adamant about following the principle of fairness, of staying true to the idea of gender equality in treatment and contributions.
I was taken aback by her outdated concept that males should be the leader of the household. She wanted to be assured that I could provide for the family and felt insecure about her economic future because of her hip condition which might render her wheelchair-bound in a few decades. Above all, she sincerely believed that relationships shouldn’t be about transactions. The house of cards was coming apart.
In a moment of darkness, after what felt like our umpteenth call that ended in logical logjams and emotional breakdowns, I seriously wondered if I had made a wrong choice of partner.
Uncovering The Author of My Pain
What hurt me the most was how this recent row contrasted with the deep sense of connection and resonance we shared in every other aspect of our relationship. How could such an otherwise beautiful and stable relationship crumble so quickly just because of a crude matter of dollars and cents?
Our shared vision of a future family, the beautiful child we dreamed about, the cosy home we talked about all felt like naive lies we told ourselves.
Tall, black walls of emotional anguish enveloped me. Our house of cards was being demolished.
She called again, I answered.
“I had been thinking. If we can’t agree on such a fundamental belief, then perhaps, we might not be meant for each other,” I said quietly. She paused. In that heavy pause, the whole world ground to a standstill.
“Why would you…why would you say that?”, she managed a feeble reply, in between muffled sobs.
Right there and then, it struck me how much pain I was causing myself and her. It struck me that the way out of this impasse was not more incisive logic. It struck me that perhaps, just perhaps, I had dead-ended in a maze of my creation.
“Actually, you know what,”, I sighed a breath of relief, “I’ll pay for the house.”
The Givers, The Takers, and The Matchers
When I came across Adam Grant’s work about giving, it gave voice to my growing realization of how my metaphors for relationships had stretched beyond its limits.
According to Grant, there are 3 broad types of people, namely givers, takers and matchers. Givers derive immense joy from giving to others, takers burn bridges by asking for favours and not giving back, and matchers always seek to balance every favour and thing. If it is not already obvious, I was a true blue matcher.
Though matchers may seem the most pragmatic in this dog-eat-dog world, it is the givers who experience the most unbridled joy in their relationships.
Rethinking Balance and Seeing Artwork in Relationships
If anything, my most intimate relationships have taught me that this metaphor of balance between 2 people hinders deeper connection. This idea of balance creates a misconstrued duality between the self and others.
Perhaps a more enriching metaphor is that of a collaborative artwork, where every single brushstroke, regardless of who it came from, adds to the beauty of the infinite, ever-deepening whole. Give selflessly without any expectation of reward, and ironically, you will be rewarded with the most breathtaking and meaningful masterpiece.
If you are wondering, these days I generally pay for meals and she foots the other bills. This is not so much a calculated arrangement as an organic evolution in how we express our contributions to this piece of art we call our relationship.
We also don’t keep score anymore, but it does seem that somehow, we end up shelling out equal amounts at the end of the day. Maybe, just maybe, the 2 cards don’t need the straining attention of this recovering matcher to balance after all.
Wise Steps:
Review how you view and treat your relationships. Are you a giver, taker or matcher?
Evaluate if your relationships are where you want them to be. Are they a source of joy and beauty? If not, what are the underlying reasons?
In your most important relationships, think of 3 ways in which you can give selflessly, solely for the joy of the other party. Act on them as soon as you can.
