“Depression Is Not A Personal Failure.” A Social Worker Reflects On Managing Depression

“Depression Is Not A Personal Failure.” A Social Worker Reflects On Managing Depression

by | Jul 9, 2021 | Mental wellbeing

TLDR: It is okay not to be okay. Being on the constant drive to be perfect can wear you down. Ching Wi recommends taking an incremental approach to generating kind thoughts to yourself and to see the little sparks in the darkest of caves.

Foggy spectacles from wearing masks. Forest fires. Social strife. Long socially-distanced queues for bubble tea. How can we keep calm & happy in a distressed world? A smiley social worker might have an answer. 

Ching Wi has been a social worker for years. She helps elderlies people in her day-to-day job. With her joyful ‘hello’ given when we met, it is hard to grasp that she has suffered from depression. For six years.  

Her journey into the darkest cave 

Perfection. Competition. Ching Wi’s life was previously characterised by these two things. This led to a life of anxiety and self-doubt. She found herself responding to everything with anger.  

Everything that she and others did previously needed to be up to her standard. She mentioned, her characteristic is like the boss that you don’t want to work with. It is fierce and scary.  

These loads of negative emotions eventually piled up inside her heart. The three factors of depression: biological, physical and social aspects are mixed up. Anxiety and depression hit hard.  

In a blink of an eye, she realised that everything becomes heavier, the negative thoughts towards herself and the world trapped her inside a dark cave. 

In such darkness, it felt impossible to see any light. 

Seeing the flicker of light 

Upon seeing the sparks, Ching Wi placed great effort in developing mindfulness, taking refuge in the Triple Gem, trying to change for the better from her old version. Buddha’s teaching mentioned that hatred can’t be overcome by anger. Hatred can only be overcome by love. This is an eternal rule.  

She recalled, ‘It is a very difficult process of healing. Changing from the 1.0 version to 2.0 is not easy. There are processes of 1.1, 1.2, 1.3,… etc. It is and will be a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.’ However, having trusted friends, families and the courage to believe in the power of truth in the triple gem is really helpful for the recovery process. 

It can be very scary to experience depression and she found courage from “hiding” in the power Triple Gem’s truth. When she could not trust herself, she knew she could trust the Triple Gem, especially in stopping her suicidal thoughts. At moments when the suffering got really unbearable, she would imagine taking out all the negative emotions and believe in the Triple Gem, the teaching about the truth of life. 

In times where she lacked confidence, she sought comfort in the Buddha’s compassion and practiced the Buddha’s teaching of loving-kindness. Even if she could not generate loving-kindness for herself yet, she kept trying. She found it easier to wish others well and at peace so she kept doing it. Slowly, the spark of positivity helps to calm her mind and she begins to feel kindness for herself too.  

‘Take time to slow down every process. Be mindful of everything and start wishing others and yourself to have a blissful mind.‘ The advice she has taken to heart whenever she senses the darkness creeping in. Seeing how Ching Wi struggled and going through the hardest moment, was there any advice she had for others facing dark times? 

She smiled, ‘learn to be kind to yourself, you too can see light’.

Helping others see light 

“Learning to be kind and accept yourself, and being honest with yourself is very important to get out of suffering. Remind yourself that you too deserve a happier mental state, and depression is not a personal failure.” She advised.  

Also, it is always better than letting the negative thoughts repeat over and over again. As it could be destructive to your mind.” She continued.  

“But….what if you can’t do that?” I asked. 

“Keep trying different ways to solve problems’. Ching Wi reckoned that it is very hard to move through hard times if our mind is not open, stuck in cycles of suffering.  

Ask yourself: ‘Why am I so resistant to making myself peaceful and free from destructive thoughts?”  

She suggested being open with your trusted people around you. It can be friends or family, or someone that you are comfortable to talk with. ‘Sometimes, they see our blind spot and help us to find confidence in ourselves. And could also bring up a new perspective that offers courage too.’  

Even though it is not an easy journey to embark on with, it will be rewarding in the end.’ She grinned.  

Lighting a candle in the darkest cave 

“Lighting a candle in the darkest cave is not an easy task to do. However, it offers warmth to the cave. You may not still see the whole cave, but as the flame lights up, you will feel comforted and help to jumpstart your process of recovering.” She explained. 

“As the candle continues to glow, the surroundings (mind space) will affect how bright will the candle be. If we could slow down and calm our thoughts, the warmth will brighten up the cave. A cave with even walls will enhance and reflect more light. Conversely, if the surroundings are jagged and wavey (full of worries), the glow will be shaky and unfocused.  So pay attention too to the environment for the flame to continue shining.’ She cautioned. 

Ching Wi calmly mentioned that even if you can’t see the full cave with your candle. Generate gratitude for that little flame, as it has at least helped you kickstart your process of recovery. To gain strength to face the world. To offer an opportunity to be happy again. 

May you be inspired by this writing to light your own candle in tough times and offer strength to others. 

Wise Steps:

  • Gratitude goes a long way. To both ourselves and others, it is a great daily practice!
  • Seeking help never hurts! From professionals to friends to family, finding that support helps guides you through the storms of life.

Need help? It is one call away 

SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1800-221-4444 

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019 

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours) 

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children) 

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800 

Resources for applying Buddhism to depressive mental states

How does a meditator deal with episodes of major depression?

The Dalai Lama’s Advice on Depression

Popping Pills for Depression: A Buddhist View – Inquiring Mind

The triple gem

Practical Mindfulness Through Depressive Episodes

by | Feb 4, 2021 | Mental wellbeing

TLDR: 2 mindfulness based tools to help you survive depressive episodes. To anchor & to breathe.

There is so much more awareness around mental illness, and people are much more willing to say ‘I’m depressed’. However, the conversation pretty much stops there.

People don’t usually divulge the dark, contorted details of what goes on in their head during depressive episodes. I mean, how do you say, ‘Hey, I’ve been visualising me stabbing myself for the past hour’ over dinner? It still is a very lonely uphill battle, and there’s still a lot of work to be done to bring depth into the conversations around mental illness. Meanwhile, here’s some things that I’ve found to be useful when it hits me.

I will be using the term ‘depressive episodes’ instead of depression because it is important to understand the distinction. Depression is a mental illness. One with the mental illness of depression experiences depressive episodes that are significant enough to impair quality of life, relationship with self and others. Yet, there are still pockets of space in a depressed person’s life that is void of these depressive episodes. Hence, it is important that while we acknowledge the experiences of depressive episodes, we are careful to not reduce the person to their illness.

1. Anchor in the present moment

In a depressive episode, the body feels so heavy and tired. It’s as though there is not enough energy available to even exist. But there is a whole flurry of activity going on. Thoughts are accelerating in every direction, and emotions change track from misery to hopelessness to pain in split seconds. There is actually a huge amount of energy being expended.

The emotional energy depletes rather than nourish and rejuvenate the mind, resulting in the feeling of “I can’t even move.”

Understanding this has been a life-changing moment. This understanding reminds one there is potential for the energy to be used in other ways. This prevents the energy from sucking up whatever remaining willpower you have.

Identify the low hanging fruits

Choose something that you naturally feel like doing and more importantly, doesn’t feel too forceful. Be attuned to how you feel- even if that means you can only muster the energy to look out the window, choose that.

Ground into the 5 senses
Whatever you choose, slow down and really immerse in the experience. Intentionally sink yourself fully into the feeling of aliveness-the antithesis of depression.

What 3 sounds can you hear ?

What 3 things can you see?

What smells can you inhale?

What 3 sensations you can touch?

What taste can you experience?

As much as you can, rotate through these questions repeatedly till you feel better. Anchoring into the present moment helps you to keep a safe distance from your thoughts temporarily.

2. Breathe

Reactive is impulsive.

It is going with the first thing your brain generates: “How dare he insult me, I’m so gonna YELL at him and let everyone know what a scumbag he is!!!” The amygdala (emotional center) is at play here.

Being responsive , on the other hand, is being calm and rational.

Responsive is acknowledging the emotional reactions, but not letting that take center stage. The forebrain (logic and rational processing) is at play.

In a depressive mind, the mind is reactive. It jumps on every single thought – every thought of destruction, every thought of hatred, every thought of anger.

Every single thought is taken as an unequivocal conclusion. Hence, we get pulled in every direction and eventually become asphyxiated by the weight of our very own thoughts that are ironically, fleeting and unreliable in nature.

Deep breathing activates the forebrain processing which helps to regain responsivity. Responsivity helps to slow down the mental proliferation. It give us space to acknowledge the negative thoughts as merely passing clouds of a thunderstorm.

The 4–2–6 Deep Breathing Technique

1. Put your right hand at your abdomen and left hand over you chest.

2.Inhale for 4 seconds

3. Hold for 2 seconds

4. Exhale for 6 seconds.

Repeat till you feel a wave of relaxation.

Wishing all who are going through difficult times, love, strength and hope.

Wise Steps:

1.Arise your awareness of the five senses while engaged in an activity
2. Deep breathing to activate the Responsivity mindset

Need help? It is one call away 

SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1800-221-4444 

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019 

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours) 

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children) 

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800 

Resources for applying Buddhism to depressive mental states

How does a meditator deal with episodes of major depression?

The Dalai Lama’s Advice on Depression

Popping Pills for Depression: A Buddhist View – Inquiring Mind

The triple gem