TLDR: Thinking of becoming a gym bro or gym gurlie. How can we navigate the seemingly paradoxical intersection of physical health and the Buddhist philosophy of embracing non-attachment to our bodies? Through mindfulness and loving-kindness, we can adopt a fulfilling approach to fitness and nutrition that also prioritises inner harmony.
Every new year brings with it a time of reflection and renewed inspiration. Hopes and dreams are packaged into New Year’s resolutions — and it doesn’t take a psychic to know that physical health is pretty much on everyone’s list.
Much like the people who make them, these resolutions come in different shapes and sizes — whether it’s incorporating more exercise or a healthier diet. The motivations behind these resolutions are just as varied: perhaps less-than-ideal health markers in a recent screening, or wanting to look like an influencer from the Physical:100 reality TV show.
Whether for health or physical looks, many of us are drawn to fitness trends like spin, pilates, or Hyrox, leading to a corresponding increase in gyms and studios sprouting up all over the country.
“And? Isn’t exercising good for us?” you may ask.
It’s no secret that physical activity brings many benefits to both our physical and mental health. However, what starts out as beneficial for us can easily be derailed by misguided motives and obsessions.
The pervasiveness of social media has significantly exacerbated the issue. Amidst the sea of perfectly airbrushed pictures and AI-generated content, it is increasingly difficult to discern the real from the artificially edited. Whole teams are hired to get the perfect lighting, and direct the perfect pose, using the best equipment and latest software to make the next picture-perfect, viral-worthy content.
These edits not only warp pixels, but also our perception of what is realistic and attainable.
With our feeds filled with glamorous portraits, underpinning this trend is also a subtle phenomenon of the tendency for physically “attractive” people to receive better treatment in various aspects of life — an experience so common that it has earned a name for itself: “pretty privilege”.
Frequent exposure to such occurrences could influence our thoughts and lead us to conflate our external appearances and our worth wrongly.
With social media and popular culture perpetuating this narrative, it is increasingly challenging to resist the allure of achieving the “ideal” physical appearance and its perceived social benefits.
Given how easy it is to fall into the trap of obsessing over our bodies in today’s image-conscious world, this fixation on appearance can lead to significant mental stress. This can arise from constantly comparing with others, negative self-talk, and body dissatisfaction.
In striving to meet ever-changing body standards, some of us might take “healthy” behaviours to extremes, such as over-exercising to the point of injury or engaging in restrictive diets that harm our health.
Such habits are not only detrimental to our physical well-being but also to our mental and spiritual health. They can create suffering and attachment — the very things Buddhism encourages us to overcome.
The easy trap
Even in moderation, we can still witness attachment to the body. As esteemed Singaporean author, philanthropist and Google “Good Fellow” Chade-Meng Tan eloquently illustrates in his book, “Buddhism for All”:
“We want our own form (body) to be a certain way: attractive, healthy and fit.
“In addition to the wanting, there is the not wanting: we do not want certain bodily configurations.
“Unfortunately, we do not have full sovereignty over the five aggregates, we cannot always make them into what we want. In that sense, the five aggregates are unreliable. That desperation of wanting, and not wanting, that is the grasping. To grasp onto something unreliable is suffering.”
Does this give us the green light to be couch potatoes and binge on junk food all day?
Just as the Buddha had preached the Middle Way between harsh asceticism and overindulgence, we can also strive for a balance between caring for our physical health and avoiding attachment to our appearance.
In maintaining our physical health, it is essential to embrace the concept of impermanence — both in societal standards and our bodies. With the fleeting nature of trends, what is coveted today might no longer be desired years later, and the perpetual chase to keep up will quickly wear us down.
Acknowledging that we all share the same fate of ageing, illness, and eventual mortality liberates us from the grip of attachment to our physical appearance.
By viewing the body as a vehicle for our spiritual practice, we can approach nourishment with the intention of sustaining ourselves rather than seeking validation through outward appearance.
This perspective allows us to honour the body’s needs while simultaneously releasing the fear of its inevitable transformation. Before you dive into a workout or enjoy a delicious meal, take a moment to remind yourself of your wholesome intentions and goals.
Sustaining rather than validating
Whether it’s health and performance-based goals — such as lowering cholesterol or enhancing strength — or just for the fun of it, moving away from aesthetic goals sets us up for a more fulfilling experience.
By setting clear intentions and engaging in activities that bring us joy, we can concentrate on progress and our locus of control, rather than becoming ensnared by elusive and unpredictable outcomes.
When we’re in the thick of it, tuning into our breath and bodily sensations helps us stay fully present, making both our sweat sessions and our meals even more rewarding.
This mindful awareness creates a deeper connection to our bodies, letting us fulfil our bodies’ needs without attachment.
Mindfulness doesn’t need to end when we take off our sports shoes or put down our cutlery. Being aware of our social media consumption habits, recognising their impact on our body image and intentionally limiting exposure to harmful content can also steer us towards a healthier, more moderate perspective of our bodies.
Practising loving-kindness offers a powerful approach in fostering a kinder and more nurturing relationship with our bodies. By directing compassion towards ourselves, we can counteract harsh self-criticism related to body image, learning to accept our bodies as they are without the burden of perfectionism.
Integral to this practice is gratitude, which encourages regular reflection on the appreciation of our bodies as functional rather than for its appearance.
As we adopt this mindset, we promote a healthier relationship and a more moderate approach to exercise and nutrition, where it becomes an act of self-care rather than self-judgement. Movement is transformed into a celebration of the body’s capabilities rather than a means of achieving a certain aesthetic, and food is the enabler that fuels and nourishes our bodies.
Reach out for help
In cases of severe eating disorders or body dysmorphia, it’s crucial to recognise when to seek professional help. While the methods discussed above can benefit many, these challenges often require guidance and support beyond what we can achieve on our own.
Reaching out to a qualified professional can give us the necessary tools and strategies to navigate these complex issues, ensuring a healthier and more compassionate relationship with our bodies.
By applying mindfulness, loving-kindness, and non-attachment to our fitness journeys, we can care for our physical health without losing sight of our mental and spiritual well-being.
Instead of clinging to short-term aesthetic aspirations, we can cultivate a mindset focused on long-term health, understanding that true wellness transcends the superficial.
When we begin to view our bodies as precious, transient vessels destined to change over time, we develop greater self-acceptance and compassion. This balanced approach empowers us to strive for holistic well-being, aligning our physical practices with our Buddhist values, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
Wise Steps:
Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude: Tune into your body’s sensations and needs, shifting your focus away from appearance. Regularly contemplate the nature of impermanence, while also celebrating the many abilities and strengths your body possesses.
Establish Purposeful Goals: Rather than concentrating solely on appearance-related resolutions, create specific health and wellness objectives that prioritise your holistic well-being.
Curate Your Social Media experience: Take a moment to assess and refine your social media feeds to minimise harmful comparisons and create a more uplifting and supportive online environment.
Listen to those around you. Our friends and family often see the warning signs before we do. If they care, you should, too.
In this episode of Handful of Leaves, Venerable Sumangala shares insights on the practice of letting go and renunciation, emphasising the importance of inner transformation and understanding suffering. She explains how letting go of attachment to ego and external perceptions leads to true freedom and happiness, while still pursuing goals with a balanced approach.
About the Speaker
Venerable Sumaṅgalā Therī is the Abbess of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society and is an advisor of Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia. She is one of the recipients of the 23rd Anniversary Outstanding Women Awards (OWBA) 2024, in honour of the United Nations International Women’s Day.
She holds a B.A. in Psychology and in 1999, she completed her M.A. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, both from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Furthering her academic and spiritual education, Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī obtained an M.A. in Philosophy (Buddhism) from the International Buddhist College, Thailand in 2011.
Her formal journey into monastic life began in 2005 when she left the household life to become an Anagarika at the age of 19. Her ordination as a Dasasil (akin to a Sāmaṇerī) took place in November 2008 under the sacred Sri Mahābodhi at Bodhgaya, India. On 21 June 2015, she took her higher ordination under the guidance of preceptor Ven. B. Sri Saranankara Nāyaka Mahāthera – the Chief Judiciary Monk of Malaysia, and bhikkhuni preceptor-teacher Ayya Santinī Mahātherī of Indonesia.
In 2015, she pioneered the formation and registration of Ariya Vihara, Malaysia’s first Theravāda Bhikkhunī Nunnery and Dhamma Training Centre. In 2019, she received a government allocated land for the building of the project with construction to commence in the first half of 2025.
Key Takeaways
Letting Go of Ego
True liberation comes from letting go of the ego and not creating more attachments to identity, fame, or success.
Understanding Suffering
The Four Noble Truths guide us to understand that suffering is a result of attachment, and by letting go of desire, we can end suffering.
Balancing Desire and Detachment
Achieving goals and success is natural, but it is important to not become attached to the outcome. Focus on the process and the wellbeing of others.
Transcript
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Venerable Sumangala: If we live by how other people perceive us, we never live our life.
[00:00:06] Cheryl: Welcome to the Handful of Leaves podcast.
[00:00:08] Cheryl: My name is Cheryl, and today I have a surprise guest host joining me, Soon.
[00:00:14] Soon: Hi everyone. it’s good to be here.
[00:00:18] Cheryl: So today we have a very interesting topic, which is called letting go of becoming. And sometimes the practice is described as going against the flow. And living in the material society seems to be opposite from the peace and zen of the spiritual practice. It’s a lot of becoming to do, milestones to achieve.
[00:00:39] Cheryl: So join me with my co-host, Soon, as we find out about we can balance letting go with the gettings, achieving and becomings of the world. We will speak to Venerable Sumangala, who is a fully ordained nun of 10 vassas to learn more. She is also the president of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society, Malaysia’s first Theravada (add b-rolls) Bhikkuni Nunnery and Dhamma Training Center, and she is also an advisor to Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia.
[00:01:09] Cheryl: Welcome, Venerable Sumangala.
[00:01:11] Venerable Sumangala: Thank you.
[00:01:12] Cheryl: You’ve mentioned in previous interviews about your journey on why you became a nun, and one quote that really struck my heart was that you said, when one has a glimpse into the noble truths, it is natural for one to be a renunciant in the Sangha rather than wanting to become a nun.
[00:01:32] Cheryl: Can you please share more on this?
[00:01:34] Venerable Sumangala: Actually from the question itself, we can see there are a few keywords. First is renunciation and then the wanting. Renunciation, in Buddhism is not just about giving up material things, but it’s actually an internal transformation. It’s an internal transformation rooted in insight, means something you have seen directly into the nature of reality. This nature of reality in common word, we say suffering. But I think if we look deeply is the constant change of everything. And also there’s an end to that. To an end to suffering. So when one actually deeply understands the 4 Noble Truths, seeing there is suffering in our life, not life is suffering, yeah? So two different things. There is suffering. So this suffering doesn’t exist by itself. There is a cause to suffering. So if you know the cause, then if you can eliminate the cause, then of course there’s no suffering. So therefore there’s an end to suffering. There’s a way, a gradual training that we can practice that can end our suffering. Because most of us, what we look forward is to be happy, to be free.
[00:02:46] Venerable Sumangala: So we must know how to get there. And the Buddha has provided us this path. Renunciation means we let go attachment and desire more easily when we understand this. True renunciation stems from wisdom and insight in the nature of suffering and working towards ending that suffering. But where else when we want to become, then it is suffering itself because we are actually attached to the idea of identity, fame, and name.
[00:03:20] Venerable Sumangala: And so therefore, it is so important that when we seek for something, the practice is very important. The inner transformation is very important so that we truly see the reality. And then from there, I think renunciation will take its own place. So true liberation actually comes from letting go of the ego, not creating more ego. We may aspire, but then the working on it, the practice is very important.
[00:03:48] Soon: Thank you Venerable Sumangala for that sharing. We are just curious, what’s the most difficult thing that you have let go of and was there any insights and wisdom that helped you, “Okay, it’s time to let go.”
[00:04:00] Venerable Sumangala: At that time actually for me is just to make my mother feel comfortable, but the spirit in my heart is actually burning to be very firm that, you know, that will be my path. One of the learnings that I have about this letting go and from lay life and how people view about life and renunciation too. So, for example, last time when I was still a layperson, I went for a pilgrimage tour to India. And we have this opportunity to shave, and that time I think it was still quite new. That was around 2003.
[00:04:34] Venerable Sumangala: Before that I have the idea of shaving and I used to take my long hair and look at a mirror to see how I looked like. But then when the opportunity came, I kind of hesitated. Because at that time I’m a branch manager and it’s very near to New Year. I’ll be meeting a lot of people, a lot of social function, and then how could I probably answer people, right? So the first thought is that, should I, should I not? Second time again, I was still pondering, but then suddenly my friend told me, she said, “I think you will shave”. I started to reflect. It’s because I’m looking at how people look at me after I shave, so that deterred me. But then interestingly, after the shaving, when I came back to Malaysia, I learned a lot about perception, about ego.
[00:05:26] Venerable Sumangala: First thing when my neighbor met me, she looked very taken aback, something must have happened to me, so I greet them as usual. Good morning, she answer back. And then when I go to the office, I dressed as usual with a bald head. And my executive was very shocked. And then business partners, suppliers, they get very shocked too, because in their thinking, is that what happened to Ms Ong at that time?
[00:05:54] Venerable Sumangala: And for business people, we love sensual pleasures, entertainments. So by looking at that, they will think that people who shave, maybe something shocking happened to their life or traumatic, whether they have gone out of their mind a little bit, or they heartbroken or they have something that’s wrong.
[00:06:14] Venerable Sumangala: When my bosses, we have dinner and then they bring their wife. The first thing they ask me, they say, “miss Ong, since when you are so bold, you know, fashion”. Because they’re into fashion, so their perception is about fashion. So it is very cool, you know with the bald head.
[00:06:31] Venerable Sumangala: And then my boss, “why you shave your hair?” Because for him he has only little hair on his head. So everyday he has a comb and combs to cover his head, and there you are with very nice hair and then you just shave and then get bald. So he wished me, I wish you know your hair grow fast.
[00:06:49] Venerable Sumangala: Actually many different responses. And when I met one uncle in a supermarket, and he approached me, he said, “oh, sister, is your hair related to Buddhism?” I said yes. Then I told him that I went for a pilgrimage and then I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me, and he asked me, “would you like to come to my house?
[00:07:11] Venerable Sumangala: I have a Guanyin of about 500 years old. Would you like to come and have a look?” and there are other people, they shave and when they go back, the mother actually give them a house arrest, thinking that they will go forth, so they just lock them up.
[00:07:26] Venerable Sumangala: Everywhere they go, they follow. And I reflect back. It’s just a haircut, but can you see how people respond? If they think of sickness, they will think that they’re sick. If they’re into fashion, they think you are so cool. And then if they don’t have that, like, my boss the hair is so little and then they see, aiyo, why you give up your hair? So you can see actually how we perceive, how we live by other people’s perceptions.
[00:07:50] Venerable Sumangala: And I think the understanding that I have is that if we live by how other people perceive us, we never live our life. In understanding the truth, I think this is a very important thing because we always have that ego and that ego seeks to be validated by others. So how are we going to find peace and happiness?
[00:08:10] Venerable Sumangala: So letting go oneself, I think is the best of letting go because you no need to hold on to the idea of our self, an identity or image to be taken care all the time because of how other people perceive you, not how you are actually,
[00:08:29] Cheryl: I’m just thinking how we can integrate that into the daily life.
[00:08:35] Cheryl: Most people spend most of the time building their careers, so that identity also become very entrenched in what they achieve, the successes and failures that they bring. How can one practice letting go?
[00:08:46] Venerable Sumangala: Letting go, it’s not about abandoning everything. Letting go is internal insight that sees the true reality of what is. Let go of gripping on something or idea or attachment to an outcome.
[00:09:02] Venerable Sumangala: We keep thinking about the outcome or the success. When we have this idea, it makes us feel very tight and tense and stressed. Everything we do needs desire. Can you see when a person is sick, they don’t have any desire, then nothing happens, right? That in our normal life, even desire is a path under the four roads of success, or ways of success. The first one is chanda, means you must have the aspiration. So in this way, we have a duty to be done because we are still a human. We need to work for our bowl of rice. And therefore we must have the drive.
[00:09:41] Venerable Sumangala: Yeah. We must have the drive to do something which is in accordance to right livelihood. Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t do anything or we give up everything and then become a person who’s like redundant. No, we still have desire, we still do good things. We still also have our goal to be achieved. Let’s say if you are worker, we are paid to do our duty well. So the Buddha also advised us, we perform our duty to the best of our ability, skills. Therefore from there, I think it will lead to good result. And from the good result, it’ll be commensurated with legitimate reward. So it is a natural process.
[00:10:23] Venerable Sumangala: There is an order. For even work, for achieving wellbeing, our wealth. So all those need our desire to work well. But that desire doesn’t lead us to attachment. For example, in the company, and we start to have this idea, “I want to be promoted”. Yeah, the word “I want to”– “I”, the identity is there, “you want”.
[00:10:46] Venerable Sumangala: And so when we do that, then it’ll cause us a lot of stress. When I was working, after five years they interviewed me, “what do you think you will become three years from now?” You know what I write there? I said, “to be happy and to make others happy.” That’s all that, right? Right. That was what I think important in life.
[00:11:08] Venerable Sumangala: But when I work after five years, they have promoted me to become a branch manager. I contributed my part, my knowledge, my skill. I do it well. I do my best. It doesn’t mean that my desire for success is not there, but it’s just that I’m not attached to it, and the process is more important. We already set the goal, then we work on the way to achieve that goal.
[00:11:34] Venerable Sumangala: Then we just let that be the goal, because as we work on it, the goal is coming, the results are coming. We don’t keep thinking about the goal, (but) not doing the part or the necessary actions to achieve the goal. And secondly, in the process of achieving the goal, always remember that we work in harmony. Sometimes we want to achieve the goal, we forget about the process. So the people that work with us, we don’t care. We just want to achieve the goal. So we push them, we stress them out. Then achieve the result is not as what we think. We must always think our wellbeing and the wellbeing of others, and together we can achieve it.
[00:12:13] Cheryl: Letting go is not laziness. And I think you also really embody that, even as a monastic right now where you have so many projects, that you’re running, being the Bhikkuni Training Center and the Gotami Vihara Society. Would you be able to share an example how you are able to go of the outcome while still having that desire to progress the development of female monastics?
[00:12:41] Venerable Sumangala: Actually when I embarked on this path, I felt that monastic life would be the best in continuing this journey. At the same time, then I realized that I have the ability and capacity to also share and to help others who are keen on this path.
[00:12:58] Venerable Sumangala: So in the past, we will have to search on our own. Because we know that the Bhikkhuni revival took place in 1996, so it’s still very, very young, about 20 over years. And I think the best part of it is our lead chief. He’s one of the senior monks who has took his compassionate duty to make this happen in the world.
[00:13:22] Venerable Sumangala: So we are very fortunate in Malaysia in a way that we have a senior monk that who is well known, very respected, who took this path to establish the four fold assembly again. In the past, we only have three. Now we have four back as what the Buddha has set up. People sometimes ask me, “Venerable. Are you not stressed? There’s so many things that’s ongoing.” Sometimes I reflect that when we need to prepare, then we look at the capacity first. When I see that, when my capacity is able to cover additional things for the wellbeing of others, then I think it’s time to execute. Then I will do it.
[00:14:00] Venerable Sumangala: We start with like Ariya Rainbow Kidz program for family Dhamma education. Then we have more people and more capacity. Then I train some of them to also help out. And then after that, then I extend for retreats, then longer retreats and then camps, and then to now Ariya monastic and laity training program.
[00:14:21] Venerable Sumangala: We also look into that because the whole Malaysia, we don’t have any center specifically for the Bhikkhuni. So without a Bhikkhuni center, without a sīmā, then we would not be able to have this capacity to provide the proper way of renunciation and also for the training. Yeah. So it is so important.
[00:14:43] Venerable Sumangala: So the lead chief actually told me that in order for the Bhikkhuni order to flourish, we must have a training center for them, and we must organize a proper training program for the Bhikkhunis. You need to have somebody to lead, and then you mobilize other people to come together. Those like-minded people who also seek for this kind of practice.
[00:15:02] Venerable Sumangala: We are also very fortunate in a way that some of the Bhikkhu Sangha, they all come to also guide us, support us rejoicing with our good development and practice. Yeah, so don’t attach to it, do your best, and when a thing comes, we just pick it up. And then after it’s finished, then we go to the next. Rejoicing with every good things that we do, bring us a lot of energy and happiness.
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Editor and transcriber of this episode:
Hong Jia Yi, Ang You Shan, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay, Cheryl Cheah
TLDR: To love and care without attachment, one must let go and realise that nothing is truly ours.
“I discovered a great spiritual example at the supermarket!” declared Āyasmā Rāhula on a cold rainy night in December.
I was at the Singapore Buddhist Mission on a Wednesday night for a special dhamma talk by the Mexican-born, Burmese-ordained monastic.
He was giving a talk titled, “How do we care and love without attachment?”.
We often learn that to attach is to set ourselves up for eventual dissatisfaction. So is it possible to care and love without attachment?
I’d previously been exposed to Bhante Rāhula from a YouTube video shared with me by a dear friend from RainbodhiSG and was delighted to discover that he was similarly animated in real life as he was online.
At the start of the talk, he told us to put on spiritual safety belts, for he was going to take us on a journey that might get a little rocky.
His talk was divided into 3 main parts.
Mettā and letting go of my crushes
He began by exploring what mettā (translated into English as “loving-kindness”) was.
The characteristic of mettā is to promote the welfare of all living beings, he explained.
Mettā’s function is to prefer for the welfare of others and oneself. Its manifestation is the removal of ill will.
Finally, the proximate cause of mettā is to see beings as lovable, and not have selfish affection.
Love, he continues, makes you feel content. Attachment, however, makes you suffer.
That struck a chord.
All my crushes were causing great suffering.
I had to let them go. If nothing else, I think I had already benefited from the first third of the talk.
An analogy might be in order.
Imagine a girl holding a heavy sack of rice weighing about 5kg. For a long time, she carries it around wherever she goes. This sack of rice is precious to her. Even though it weighs her down, she holds it close. Eventually her arms get tired. She reluctantly puts it on the ground. She lets it go.
I was that girl. My crush was that sack of rice.
In my mind, I laid the sack of rice down, my crush, on the ground.
I was fine with or without her.
It was alright.
This mental letting go felt freeing. A weight lifted. My mind was lighter. Clearer.
Of course, this letting go is a continual process. For the default action is to hold the sack of rice close to the chest. The girl has done it for so long, that is her natural state of being. Every time she is aware, she puts the sack of rice down, she lets it go.
So it is with my mind. Again and again and again, I make a mental shift, and there is a felt sense in my mind to let the crush go.
He told us that with attachment to a person often comes worry and jealousy leading one to exert control over the other, and ultimately violence, whether verbal or physical toward the other party.
I recalled breaking up with my very first girlfriend mainly because I felt very suffocated due to the extent of control she was exerting over me.
Letting go, Bhante explains, helps both you and your partner to be free.
Freedom. That’s what so many of us seek.
The difference between desire and attachment
The excellent spiritual example Bhante Rāhula discovered at the supermarket went a bit like this.
Imagine we wanted to eat some potato chips. We go to the supermarket and pick out a bag, sour cream and onion potato chips. We put it into our shopping basket and proceed to the checkout.
At this point, is the potato chip ours?
No, it belongs to the supermarket.
If we were to rip open the bag to eat the potato chips, the security guard would reprimand us and tell us to pay before consuming the product.
At the checkout, the cashier smiles at us and begins scanning the items we have picked out at the supermarket.
At this point, as she scans the items, do the potato chips belong to us? Nope.
They still belong to the supermarket.
Finally, after the scanning is done, we pay with our card.
Beep.
Now, the potato chips belong to us.
If the cashier decides to open the bag of chips and eat it, you’d probably yell at her and say, “Hey! That’s mine!”
That is the difference between desire and attachment.
Before payment, the potato chips was just something we wanted. After payment, the potato chips became “MINE”. Attached to me.
Desire is when something is just a feeling, a want of a project, a thing, or a person. When it transforms into attachment, we then think, in our mine that this project, this thing, this person – “IT IS MINE”, when it really isn’t.
In a split second, after we pay for the potato chips, it is “MINE”.
Wow.
I then began to realise that often, it is an unconscious process in day-to-day life when projects, things, or people, unwittingly switch from being a desire to an attachment, especially when it is brought into our sphere of influence.
It is important to realise, that nothing is truly ours. We are all, as my favourite Buddhist author, Thich Nhat Hanh says, Interbeing, or interconnected. If we learn to dissolve our sense of self, we will then realise that nothing truly belongs to us. We might be given stewardship for some time, but people don’t belong to us, things don’t belong to us, for after we die, they cannot be taken with us.
Awareness is the first step to letting go.
Once we are aware, we begin to see how silly it is to cling so tightly to the objects of our attachment. And then, our vice-like grip on them begins to loosen.
(Dear Reader, I think I will never forget this because I actually LOVE potato chips and have often entered supermarkets with the sole intention of buying a bag or two. This is the beauty of spiritual metaphors. Indelibly etched into my brain.)
Antidotes
He gave a list of various antidotes from cultivating self-love, being aware of anicca (impermanence), and developing healthy boundaries.
I’ll elaborate on the one that made the most impact to me.
Firstly, he said we need to cultivate independence.
We did a little role-playing. He told us to ask him, “Bhante, are you worried about your business projects?”
Seated in the first row, I gamely asked him, “Bhante are you worried about your business projects?”
He smiled and said enthusiastically, “No, because I have no business projects!”
A chorus of laughter.
Then, he told me to ask him, “Bhante are you worried about your dog?”
Grinning, I asked, “Bhante are you worried about your dog?”
Chuckling, he said, “No, because I have no dog!”
And we went on, until he quipped at the end of this exchange, “The person who has nothing, worries about absolutely nothing.”
The room roared with laughter at his pun that hit so unexpectedly close to the bone.
But responding compassionately to a question, he wisely pointed out that instead of losing our houses, relationships and children, when we let go, we actually don’t lose anything at all. We upgrade our house and our relationships. For they are now free.
It is not my home, it is a home I am grateful to be living in.
It is not my children, they are children I have the privilege of caring for, and when they grow up, they are not mine, they lead their own lives and I can be their kalyanamitta (spiritual friend).
Next, he reminded us of the importance of developing self-love so as not to seek validation from others.
Q&A
After the main talk was over, he took questions in a short question-and-answer session.
My hand shot up and I asked him how we should balance the tension between working on projects, and being lazy by “letting them go”.
His answer was wise and blew my mind.
We need to let go of expectations of how our projects will turn out, but if the projects are good projects, we should definitely put our heart into it.
How does one know if one’s working on something good?
Glad you asked.
Projects that brought about monetary benefit were alright for they provided for oneself and one’s family, and can be donated for the propagation of the dhamma.
Perhaps your regular day job as an administrative staff, or a carpenter is like that. It brings monetary benefit for you, allows you to support your family, and allows you to periodically offer dana to sangha members.
He continued by explaining that projects that bring about monetary benefit, and benefits others, that was even better. For it helped others. An example of this would be your job as a nurse, an educator, or a civil servant. It not only provides a monthly income for daily living, but also allows you to benefit your patient, your student, or the general public. That is even better.
Finally, he said that projects that bring about monetary benefits, benefits others, and brings about spiritual growth. Ah, those were the best projects to participate in.
Perhaps you are inclined to write an innovative book about the dhamma after hours of poring over scripture or code a mobile phone app dedicated to the propagation of the Dhamma for a small profit, and giving a percentage of the proceeds to your favourite temple. In this way, not only do you manage to earn a living, if you are a writer or a software engineer, it benefits others, and also brings about spiritual growth for yourself and others.
I thanked him for his answer and was most grateful.
Conclusion
I am most grateful to the Singapore Buddhist Mission for organising this talk by Bhante Āyasmā Rāhula and look forward to attending future dhamma-sharing sessions there.
TLDR: Teacher burnout is a real risk. The mental health of teachers also has a significant impact on students. Besides relying on their peers and official support channels, teachers can practise meditation to promote greater mental wellness for themselves and their students.
The Missing Conversation
“What’s missing from the conversation in schools is the mental well-being of teachers.”
So goes a comment from a former secondary school teacher, as quoted in a CNA Insider post, which highlighted the challenges that teachers have faced. As netizens generally agreed, teachers have it tough.
Struggling to cover content while keeping up with new policies and coping with safe management measures, answering multiple stakeholders like parents, colleagues, and supervisors. Teachers may find it all rather overwhelming.
If a common refrain of critics is to ask who guards the guards, can we ask in turn how we can care more for the caregivers?
How should we take better care of teachers’ mental health, especially from a Dhamma-based perspective?
Burnout and Brownout
The issue of mental wellness has preoccupied the nation’s collective imagination in recent months. Reports have noted that, in comparison to their peers globally, Singaporean workers experienced higher than average levels of burnout: around half felt exhausted, while almost 60% felt overworked. For professions as demanding as teaching, the risk of burnout seems particularly acute.
Aside from ‘burnout’, more workplaces have observed increased incidence of ‘brownout’ — akin to the reduction in voltage which results in the dimming and flickering of lights — in the workplace environment. This would refer to the stage before the point of burnout, as a loss of interest in work and life, in general, threatens to slip into depression.
I’m reminded of the five hindrances in Buddhism: perhaps experiences of burnout and brownout constitute a toxic mixture of states of torpor, intensified by restlessness, worry, and doubt.
Some have raised the deeper question about the role of teachers and the scope of their responsibilities. In a widely-shared video by RiceMedia, artist-musician and former teacher Chew Wei Shan recounts what it was like to be marking on weekends and juggling multiple obligations like managing a CCA, managing parents’ expectations, and so on.
She movingly describes her experiences at school, which included dissuading a teenager from jumping off a roof at 2 AM, having chairs and scissors thrown at her, and male students cornering her while “eating [her] worksheet in [her] face”.
At the same time, she observes how emotionally invested teachers can be in the lives of the hundreds of students they meet every year.
As she reflects, it’s hard for teachers to avoid bringing back home worries about the students, or to prevent themselves from evaluating the little choices they make daily.
More than to ‘Just Teach’
As an NIE lecturer of mine once quipped, “If you want to just teach and only teach, you should be a full-time tutor.”
To be a teacher, however, is far more than just to teach.
It also means being a confidant, ready to step in when the need to counsel students arises, in addition to being an event planner, community organiser, safety officer, and a myriad of other roles.
I’m reminded of the figure of Kuan Yin, the thousand-armed bodhisattva in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, whose numerous arms deliver aid to all suffering sentient beings, and who tirelessly offers blessings in the spirit of boundless compassion and wisdom.
Perhaps teachers, who have dutifully coached and comforted students despite the challenges posed by the Covid-19 pandemic, are akin to modern bodhisattvas, selflessly devoting their time and effort to the welfare of their young charges.
But unlike Kuan Yin, teachers generally don’t have infinite energy and knowledge. Many teachers have also gone out of their way to ensure that programmes and lessons can proceed uninterrupted.
For instance, as described in a TODAY article, as mass assembly programmes had to be halted due to safe management measures, teachers had to equip themselves with new skills such as how to record or live-stream performances to be presented via video-conferencing tools for events like Racial Harmony Day.
The work involved in preparing for such events, in addition to other preparatory work needed to create resources for home-based learning or other activities, may have taken a toll on teachers over the past two years.
No System is Perfect
In response to concerns about excessive workloads as a result of duties apart from teaching, the Ministry of Education has clarified that the appraisal of teachers is such that their contributions are given recognition in all aspects of work, taking into account their efforts in aiding students’ holistic growth.
As for administrative duties, there has been significant progress made to minimise teachers’ workloads by incorporating technology like the Parents’ Gateway app, as well as the evaluation and furnishing of manpower support. Furthermore, the ministry has reminded schools to review their systems of management so that teachers’ responsibilities can be better managed.
On the ground, much depends on individual schools, school leaders, and colleagues, but at least official clarifications signal purposeful angling of priorities and directions for future educational policies.
In a world governed by Dukkha (dissatisfaction), no system is perfect, but teachers can still refine and shape their sphere of influence to promote greater awareness and understanding of the roles that they play, and the effects they have on others.
Interdependence: Teachers & Students
As former nominated MP, Anthea Ong, was quoted to have observed, “A student who is not well affects the well-being of a teacher—and a teacher who is not well affects the students. These two things need to be looked at in totality.”
This reminded me of the concept of interdependence, or interbeing, as Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh would put it.
When we understand how all phenomena exist concerning one another, we develop an awareness of the welfare of one is contingent on the other. Teachers and students are inextricably interconnected.
Such interdependence also explains why teachers play such a critical role in modelling to students what mental health entails. Students mirror their teachers in many ways, and the effect of teacher modelling can hardly be underestimated.
If teachers are calm and steady, students naturally sense this and develop a similar composure. If teachers are anxious or worried, students also succumb more easily to such fearful states of mind. Students are extremely observant towards the emotional tenor of their teachers, and they can quickly spot any discrepancy between teachers’ words and feelings.
Getting off my Treadmill of Suffering
All this is based on personal experience. I remember how, amid one particularly difficult period in school, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. All the work involved in teaching graduating classes, setting examination papers, managing a CCA, coordinating committee work, organising events, responding to parents, and so on—with the cycle repeating every semester—had left me feeling like I was on a samsaric treadmill that could not stop.
I hardly realised it at the time, but without adequate strategies to cope with stress through skilful means, the atmosphere of my classes had been compromised. Even though I thought I kept maintaining my encouraging and reassuring classroom persona in front of students, my students shared privately after school with me that they noticed how I was often worried and anxious in class.
My micro-expressions and other body language cues must have revealed my sense of tension and unease, which had invariably filtered into my students’ consciousness as well.
Fortunately, after my students alerted me to this, I began a process of self-reflection and lifestyle adjustment. I went through all my duties to reschedule or de-prioritise whatever I could. I blocked off time for sleep (instead of marking into the wee hours) and time for regular meals (instead of skipping lunch).
In the evenings and on weekends, I set aside time for spiritual reading, and often I would also be listening to Dhamma talks like those by Ajahn Brahm. I made a conscious effort to shift my default state of mind from restlessness and agitation to calmness and equanimity.
This shift paid off—my students noticed that I was more ‘alive’ and present during class.
It was a testament to the importance of self-care, which far from being selfish, is essential for long-term flourishing. It means setting boundaries and respecting one’s own physical and psychological limits.
The Power of Mindfulness
As Venerable Thubten Chodron observes in her book Good Karma, “Giving up self-preoccupation does not entail making ourselves suffer. We must take care of ourselves… this human body is the basis of our precious human life that gives us the possibility to learn and practise the Dhamma.”
Meditation can also be a powerful means of promoting greater mental wellness. When my school counsellor conducted weekly secular guided mindfulness practice sessions for the whole school via the PA system, I noticed how helpful it was for my students to begin the day with such a dose of calm.
This practice signalled how mindfulness could be beneficial for the mainstream. Through mindfulness practice, students could increase their attentiveness, reduce test anxiety, and develop greater impulse control. Teachers in turn could cultivate a greater sense of balance and become more responsive to students’ needs.
Naturally, this is not to suggest that mindfulness alone is a panacea for all teachers who experience burnout. For teachers experiencing mental health issues, support from colleagues and official channels (such as counselling services offered by the Academy of Singapore Teachers) would be crucial.
Seeking such professional help should also never be a cause for stigmatisation. We can continue to develop a culture in which self-care is safeguarded, and access to affordable therapeutic care is normalised.
Perhaps we could learn from therapeutic circles of care, such as those established in other countries that have leveraged community partners like trained grandmothers to provide affordable mental health support. At the same time, mindfulness can help to enhance teachers’ abilities, while ensuring that they can care for themselves in ways that allow them to care better for others.
If “wisdom springs from meditation” (Dhammapada v. 282), teachers are in a unique position to cultivate life-changing qualities of wisdom and compassion through the practice of mindfulness for the benefit of their students.
By championing and foregrounding the importance of mental wellness, teachers can better empower their students to learn, grow, and pass on the light of mindful living to others.
Wise Steps:
Develop a sense of purpose and meaning in the work that you do. Minimise the risk of burnout by prioritising tasks, based on discussions with colleagues and superiors.
Never be too busy to take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Schedule time for regular meals and sleep. Reading or listening to Dhamma talks can also promote your mental wellness.
Engage in mindfulness practice as a daily habit to ground and centre yourself during difficult times. Remain motivated to practise by staying connected to like-minded spiritual friends.
This teaching is compilation of teachings extracted from talks/interviews with Dr Gabor Mate, Luang Por Sumedho, and Tara Brach.
Hungry ghosts can’t get enough satisfaction
In the Buddhist psychology, there are a number of realms that all beings cycle through.
One is the human realm, which can be described as our ordinary selves.
The second is the hell realm, which contains unbearable rage, fear, and terror; it contains emotions that are difficult to handle.
The third is the animal realm, which is related to our instincts.
In the hungry ghost realm, the creatures are depicted with large empty bellies, small scrawny thin necks. They can never get enough satisfaction. They are always hungry, always empty, always seeking satisfaction from the outside. This speaks to the part of us, isn’t it?
Just watch the desire in your own mind. It’s always looking for something. There’s a kind of restlessness such that when you’re frightened, you look for something certain; and you don’t know what to do, you feel this momentum of desire that looks for anything to do – eat, smoke cigarettes, read books, watch televisions, look around for this and that.
This is just a force of habit.
When you are not mindful, and when you are not wise, you become easily pulled into these things. When you lead life heedlessly, when you lead our lives without any kind of wisdom or understanding of it, you just get caught up in seeking excitement. When you get bored, you seek excitement. But when you get bored with excitement, you seek annihilation.
You get caught up in these habits.
The false refuges in our lives and never arriving
One of the most pervasive false refuges or substitute gratifications is the never ending effort to improve ourselves. It’s not the kind of improvement that leads us to sensing our creativity and the knowledge we long for, but it’s the kind that stems from a place of deficit. It’s the “I need to be a better person” kind of striving, and that wanting to feel like we’re good enough.
This is what goes on in us and is part of the hungry ghost.
If we’re honest with ourselves, are we really content and feel good enough? This sense of wanting to be good enough is not the same as the impulse to manifest our true potential. It’s the kind of internalised standards we have that make us think we should always look better, do more, and be more.
When we are honest, we realise that for many of us live with the kind of dissatisfaction, a disappointment that our lives aren’t turning out the way we want it to be. There’s a sense of never arriving, as though we’re trying to get somewhere, and we’re not there.
Three levels of suffering
Level 1: We are not satisfied
There’s a whole range of how we experience these hungry ghost energy. Along with that, we have chronic patterns on how we are trying to meet our needs and we do so through different substitute gratifications such as consuming sugar or seeking approval or attaching to our possessions.
As we may know, these are temporary fixes. We’re on a roller coaster. We feel better for a little, but then, the need is back there again.
Wanting begets wanting. It’s like drinking salt water to satisfy thirst.
So, that’s one level of suffering – i.e. we don’t get satisfied.
Level 2: The aversion we have towards ourselves for not being satisfied.
In the Buddhist tradition, we call that the second arrow. The first arrow is “I want, I need, I’m not satisfied”. The second arrow is “I am a bad person for wanting, needing, and feeling that I’m not satisfied”. It’s the self version that we pile on that is a very notable part of the addiction cycle. Eat too much, then feel really bad about ourselves. Feel like such as bad person, and then feel so miserable that we eat more, and return to feeling bad about ourselves again. The cycle keeps getting fuelled like this.
Level 3: Never being present and never arriving
The last level is just like in the casino: when we really want to win but are not quite there yet or when we are seeking approval and when we are trying to in some ways get something we don’t have, we’re not present. It’s kind of like we’re leaning forward, wanting the next moment to contain what this moment does not. We’re not present, and we’re always on our way to somewhere else.
Such wanting, addiction, and attachment is the heart of the suffering that comes with the hungry ghosts.
How many moments of our life is there a sense of we’re on our way to something rather than this moment counts?
A comforting perspective
Our attachment and addiction can be a flag to pause, and deepen our attention to what is here. And if we are willing to pause, and deepen our attention, we can begin to discover that rather than hitching to our addicting habits, the star we felt away from is right here. It is in this present moment. Right here.
Whoever is overcome by this wretched and sticky craving, his sorrows grow like grass after the rains.
But whoever overcomes this wretched craving, so difficult to overcome, from him sorrows fall away like water from a lotus leaf.
