TLDR : An unsettling tram ride sparks a deep reflection on society’s treatment of mental illness and what we can do about it.
Editor’s note: This is an adapted article from Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings.
The doors of the Sydney City Tram had just closed behind me when I heard the bellowing of an older man at the end of the carriage.
The man was stout, about 1.6m tall and had brown and grey speckled hair. His only belongings- a wheeled fabric shopping trolley.
At first glance, he looked unassuming and could easily have been just a regular rush hour commuter – Except for the fact he was bellowing at a younger man, who stood across from him on this packed tin can.
The poor younger man, probably in his early 30s was tall with clean-cut brown hair. He wore a brown linen blazer, a blue cotton t-shirt and trendy white sneakers. He held onto the straps of his rectangular tech backpack, trying to look down or away from the man.
You’re a bully!
“Why are you coming so close to me!!”, the old man yelled. “You’re a bully! How dare you come so close to me!”. He kept repeating the phrases (and other words that I dare not mention here).
It didn’t take long for us bystanders to realise that the older man lived in some delusional reality where the fellow commuter was an enemy and wanted to harm him. In reality, he had done nothing worthy of the attack from an old man on a tram.
He remained in the firing line for a long 2 minutes, until the tram finally pulled up at the next destination. Thankfully the old man (still pointing his finger and yelling at the young man), would disembark.
The relief
We all breathed a sigh of relief. Anyone could see that there was no calming the man or interjecting the situation without escalating his demeanour and the yelling.
When the doors closed, it felt like the entire carriage experienced a collective sigh of relief and broke into conversation. I’d find out from commuters who were sitting in the carriage before the young man had boarded, that two young girls were in the firing line of the old man earlier.
He had yelled the same claims (“Why are you so close to me! Stay away from me, you bully!”). The young man had been the unlucky recipient and casualty for the entire carriage.
The real victim
The more I heard, the more I realised that the real victim was the old man. Whatever his life experience so far, he was suffering and it was manifesting in screaming fits and strangers.
This moment arose karuna – the Buddhist practice of boundless compassion for all beings, especially those trapped in their own suffering. It breaks through our superficial view of people and sees their suffering underneath their hard exteriors.
Everyone was the enemy. Whatever had led to his mental condition, it was possibly amplified by loneliness and isolation, and as a society, we don’t have the ability or conviction to band together and help.
We sigh breaths of relief when we don’t have to face the presence of mental illness in our cities.
I won’t lie, in that moment, thinking about the gravity of the situation, I lost faith in our society and our ability to help the helpless.
The dominance of self-help and putting the onus on individuals to get better and “cure” themselves seems like a dangerous and ineffective way to treat people who actually need help.
I’m a huge proponent of personal development and honing the tools to enrich your life. However, most of the content is beneficial for the average population not affected by more severe mental conditions.
Not understanding but tolerating
We train doctors, lawyers, teachers, and specialists, and yet as a society we have become so transactional and indifferent to strangers, it often feels like people are simply checking off a box instead of providing genuine treatment plans and following up.
Following our personal convictions has been eclipsed by the idea of following the economic flow. This has led to more of us simply tolerating each other, rather than understanding each other.
How did we become like this and how can we continue the learning and connection well into adulthood and beyond?
Sitting here hours after the incident, I wonder where would this old man go in the evening – did he even have a home or was that wheeled bag carrying his life’s belongings? What had happened in his life, that anyone who came close to him was a “bully” or “trying to fight him”?
What would trigger the man to begin yelling at another fellow commuter at another time on another day? Would he ever get the treatment he needs to live his life without inflicting himself and others conflict and pain?
The young man, who had shown a supernatural level of resilience, made a comment which really stood out to me. “I’ve been hearing about a lot of these outbreaks recently. I can’t help but think it is a spiritual issue.”
The left behinds
A spiritual issue?
I’ve been thinking about this comment a lot this evening. The young man had elaborated to explain to the few of us remaining on the tram, that he believes there is a correlation with the polarisation from technology, isolation from covid, as well as the breakdown of religion in our society, which leave behind individuals who are isolated and traumatised.
They are relegated to cope with their traumas alone. He believed that the old man was dealing with personal demons in the best way he knew how. To fight with anyone who he saw as a threat or an oppressor to him personally – and clearly it did not take a lot for him to get triggered.
I’m well aware, that thinking about all of this well after the event, not having done anything in the moment is hypocritical. What am I doing to help the situation of helping create positive societal glue? How are we moving forward with the people who are so left behind and don’t have the resources or the networks to help them?
I think we need to be more compassionate about curious about each other.
I will do better, but we all need to do better too.
Wise Steps:
- Practice mindful observation: Notice without judgment the behaviors and struggles of those around you.
- Cultivate compassion: Recognize that everyone, even those who seem difficult, is fighting their own battles.
