TL:DR Venerable Haemin very kindly responded to questions that Benny Liow had asked him regarding the motivation for his first two books, how one can have peace, happiness and contentment living in the modern world, and his many noble projects such as the School of Broken Hearts to benefit other sentient beings.

Benny: You have written two books, Love for Imperfect Things and The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, which have become international bestsellers. What was the motivation behind each of the two books?

Haemin: My primary motivation for writing these books was to help readers cultivate a sense of acceptance and happiness in their lives. Through many Dharma talks and discussions with individuals facing everyday struggles, I became aware of the widespread issues that affect people. Many often feel torn between their desire to live authentically and the expectations imposed by family and society. This internal conflict can lead to significant stress and dissatisfaction. Additionally, I noticed that people frequently grapple with the challenges of human relationships, which can be a source of immense stress. 

In Love for Imperfect Things, I sought to illuminate the importance of embracing our flaws and recognising that imperfection is a part of the human experience. I wanted to offer practical insights rooted in Buddhist spirituality that are accessible to everyone, regardless of their background. My goal was to provide readers with tools to navigate their challenges, encouraging them to accept themselves and their circumstances. 

In The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, I delved into the concept of mindfulness and the profound impact of slowing down in our fast-paced lives. I aimed to share how taking time to reflect can lead to greater awareness and inner peace. Ultimately, both books are about empowering individuals to find happiness and connection by addressing common struggles and fostering a deeper understanding of themselves.

In Love for Imperfect Things, you wrote that the path to happiness and peace of mind includes not only strong relationships with others but also letting go of worries about ourselves. How do we cultivate positive relationships with others and let go of our worries?

Cultivating positive relationships with others begins with letting go of our worries, particularly in the context of how we perceive others view us. A common misconception is that people are constantly judging us, when in fact, most individuals are preoccupied with their own thoughts and concerns. By recognising this, we can begin to relax and live authentically, freeing ourselves from the burden of seeking approval.

When we find ourselves caught up in negative emotions or self-doubt, it’s essential to take a step back and observe those feelings without judgment. Rather than identifying with our worries, we can view them as passing clouds in the sky of our consciousness. This shift in perspective allows us to detach from our worries, leading to a more peaceful state of mind.

Moreover, nurturing positive relationships requires us to embrace both our strengths and weaknesses. Often, when we struggle to accept certain aspects of ourselves, we project that dissatisfaction onto others, criticising them for traits we find challenging within ourselves. Accepting our imperfections enables us to accept others more fully. By fostering self-compassion and understanding, we create an environment where genuine connections can flourish. Ultimately, when we cultivate peace within ourselves, we open the door to harmony in our relationships.

Admitting that we are imperfect can feel like we are accepting defeat. How do we ensure that we have the right understanding of our imperfections?

Admitting our imperfections does not equate to accepting defeat; rather, it is a profound step toward self-acceptance and personal growth. We are inherently imperfect, and learning to appreciate this truth can liberate us from the constant feeling of inadequacy. Many of us internalise criticism from caregivers during our formative years, which can lead to harsh self-judgment even in adulthood. This self-criticism often persists long after we’ve left our childhood environments.

For instance, individuals with workaholic tendencies or burnout frequently believe their worth is tied to their productivity. This belief can stem from a desire to prove themselves to others or to compensate for feelings of unworthiness. However, it is vital to recognise that our value is not contingent upon our accomplishments; we are inherently worthy of love and acceptance simply for being who we are.

Parents love their children not based on their achievements, but simply because of their existence. This unconditional love serves as a reminder that we, too, deserve to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. While striving for self-improvement is valuable, it should stem from a genuine desire to grow and connect with others, not from a place of needing to earn love or approval. Embracing our imperfections allows us to live more authentically, fostering a deeper connection to ourselves and to those around us.

As Buddhists, we are taught to strive to be a Buddha—the Perfect One—by eliminating our defilements or imperfections. How can we love our imperfections and yet strive for Buddhahood? Can we reconcile this seemingly contradictory approach?

We can reconcile the pursuit of Buddhahood with the acceptance of our imperfections by understanding that these concepts are not mutually exclusive. In Mahayana Buddhism, nothing in this world is inherently pure or good, nor defiled or bad; it is our mind’s judgments that create these distinctions. For example, what one person perceives as imperfection can vary greatly from another’s perspective. Some may view making noise while eating noodles as perfectly acceptable, while others might consider it rude. Similarly, being five minutes late to a meeting can be interpreted as disrespectful by some, but as a minor infraction by others.

 The key to achieving peace lies in fully accepting ourselves and the world around us. This acceptance does not mean we abandon our aspirations for growth; rather, it means we approach our journey with compassion and understanding. When we learn to embrace our imperfections, we alleviate the internal struggle that often accompanies our aspirations for perfection. In doing so, we cultivate a sense of serenity both within ourselves and in our interactions with the world.

 This understanding of acceptance is essential to achieving nirvana and Buddhahood. It encourages us to see our imperfections as part of the human experience, allowing us to grow in wisdom and compassion. By acknowledging our flaws without judgment, we can foster a more profound sense of connection to ourselves and others, ultimately leading us closer to the state of peace we seek

In The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, you mention that the most effective route to inner peace involves slowing down in our busy lives and recognising that negative emotions are not permanent. Can you share briefly how this is possible?

Indeed, the journey to inner peace often begins with the practice of slowing down. Strong emotions can shift and change shape within a short span—typically around 90 seconds. If we can observe these emotions as we would a character in a TV drama, we can witness their transient nature. When we find ourselves caught in a difficult emotion, we often become overly identified with it, amplifying it through our inner commentary and judgments. However, by taking a step back and observing these emotions with curiosity, we can gain valuable insights into their impermanence.

Interestingly, this act of observation can lead to the natural dissolution of these emotions without requiring us to take any drastic action. The simple act of awareness can be incredibly liberating.

Moreover, engaging in activities slowly allows us to experience and enjoy the present moment more fully. For instance, if we leave home ten minutes earlier than usual, we create space to appreciate our commute. We can observe the colours of the sky, the beauty of the flowers, and the birds we encounter along the way. This practice of mindfulness not only enhances our daily experiences but also enriches our lives.

 Eating slowly provides us with the opportunity to savour our food, while taking time to listen to music enables us to appreciate its full range of sounds. By immersing ourselves in these moments, we foster a sense of richness in our experiences, cultivating happiness and spaciousness in our minds. Ultimately, this practice of slowing down leads to greater inner peace and contentment.

For laypeople in today’s fast-paced society, slowing down can lead to missed business deals or career opportunities. Is it possible for us to slow down, which is essential for our mental peace, while still being agile enough to cope with the demands of today’s business environment?

Absolutely, it is possible to strike a balance between slowing down for mental peace and maintaining agility in today’s fast-paced business environment. One key aspect of this balance is understanding that slowing down does not equate to a lack of productivity. I often teach that even a brief ten-second pause can create a significant shift in our mindset, simply by taking a moment to smile or breathe deeply.

If you can spare a minute, use that time to take a deep breath and appreciate the relaxation that follows. These brief moments of mindfulness can be integrated into our daily routines without requiring us to drastically alter our pace. We can maintain our usual lives while intentionally pausing during specific activities such as eating, listening, or walking. By taking just ten seconds to ten minutes to appreciate these processes, we can enhance our overall well-being

By dedicating time to this practice, we not only increase our happiness but also improve our connections with others. As we become more present and aware, we notice the world around us with greater clarity. This heightened awareness can serve as a foundation for success, allowing us to navigate the demands of our professional lives with a sense of calm and purpose.

You started the School of Broken Hearts, a non profit that offers group counseling and meditation for people facing life’s challenges. Can you briefly share its main programs and whether they are available online for people outside Seoul?

South Korea has experienced significant achievements over the past three decades, including advancements in democracy and cultural prosperity. However, these successes have also brought challenges, such as the highest suicide rate among OECD countries and a declining birth rate, largely due to the stress stemming from social pressures and fierce competition. This reality motivated me to establish the School of Broken Hearts, a non-profit organisation aimed at helping individuals navigate their challenges.

At the School of Broken Hearts, we offer a range of programs designed to support those in need. Our primary focus is group counselling, where individuals with similar experiences of suffering come together to share their stories in a supportive environment. This collective sharing fosters a sense of community and belonging, allowing participants to realise that they are not alone in their struggles.

In response to the growing demand, I am planning to launch a program specifically tailored for non-Korean speaking individuals. Once this program is available, I will announce it on my website, www.haeminsunim. com. My hope is to reach a wider audience, providing resources and support for those facing life’s challenges, regardless of their language or background

As I conclude, I wish for everyone reading this to find happiness, health, and peace in their lives, and to always feel protected wherever they may go. 

Palms Together 

Haemin

Venerable Haemin is a South-Korean Zen Monk who has a diverse education and training background, having studied at Harvard, taught at Hampshire College, and received formal monastic training at Haemin Monastary, Seoul. His is renowned for his two books, Love for Imperfect Things, and The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down, which have been translated and sold internationally with great success.