Editor’s note: This is an adapted article in collaboration with Ro. Check out Roberta’s blog on reflection and learning.

TLDR: After living independently for over a decade, moving back in with my parents has presented various challenges. Here’s how I approached that move with a different mindset. 

When I was 18, I moved out of my parent’s home. Over the last decade (14 years to be exact), I lived with housemates in multiple apartments, moved into my flat and eventually moved abroad. 

I flew over to a solo condo in Singapore, spending the height of COVID alone, before coming back to Sydney to settle in Pyrmont for the past few years. Last month my husband and I decided to move back in with my parents.

If you would have asked my 20-year-old self whether I would ever let this happen, you’d hear a resounding and defiant “Hell No”. 

Listen, I love my parents and always made time for family dinners throughout my independence, but living under the same roof again? With the thought of someone else’s house rules and preconceptions about what I could freely do? No, Thanks.

So what changed? I guess everything and nothing. It’s amazing how if you let it, your relationship with your parents evolves and the power imbalance, well balanced. 

As I’ve grown older and experienced more adult obstacles in the real world, I’ve found we’ve been able to communicate better and actually cherish the time we have together, as opposed to feeling suppressed by their well-meaning parental opinions.

Taking a leaf from Buddha on communication helps. The Buddha talks about how we can still speak to someone even when the topic is difficult.

In AN 5.198, he shares that right speech has 5 qualities “It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of goodwill.”

My parents welcomed us into their home selflessly which allowed us to build a stronger future by saving on rent, bills and groceries. In this time of major transition, I couldn’t be more grateful and happy that they would have us.

Friends ask me, how I’m “coping” with moving back in with my parents. They say they could never.

Now, I totally resonate. But truthfully, when I hear people sharing that sentiment, I feel sad that they are not opening themselves up to an evolution in the relationship with their parents. 

Since I moved in, I’ve been able to sit and have breakfasts with my mom, have home-cooked dinners with my dad, and be close to my family while we lost our beloved grandma. Now we’re currently together as we watch my grandfather’s health deteriorate. 

None of these little moments had a chance to manifest when I lived away from home. I’d come to visit once or twice a month if life would allow, and I would not know about the happenings with extended family, much less be able to check in (like, really check-in) with my parents.

I think now, about how many little moments I missed my parents being human and going through their own life struggles. How many tech issues I could have easily helped with, had I been around? How many moments have we missed not having this exposure to each other?

Ultimately, how much Dukkha they faced when I was not with them. That arises compassion and understanding within the heart.

“Sabbe sattā sukha-kāmā, dukkha-paṭikkūlā. All living beings desire happiness and recoil from suffering.” – Famous Buddhist sayings.

Things don’t change overnight. It took me a while to mellow out from expressing frustrations at the way my parents did things or reacting to their opinions. 

The difference now, I guess, is I’m much more conscious that my parents are ageing and time with them is limited and precious. They may have different opinions and ways of doing things, but their intentions have always been pure. It’s always been love and selflessness.

I’d pick this path again if it means I can continue to connect with my parents.

Everyone chooses their own path, and it’s important that it’s right for you. At this juncture, as we transition through the addition of a new family member, and navigate through a tough economy, this is right for us.

We’re super grateful we have parents who have enough space and have welcomed us back with open arms. It outshines any small frustrations or conflicts that will inevitably come.

Wise Steps:

• Cherish shared moments by valuing the opportunity for daily interactions
• Open your mind to change: Challenge preconceptions about living with parents