TLDR: I secretly wanted a struggling colleague to be sacked and feared a friend might outperform me. This is how I’m retraining the mind towards kindness and balance.
Thailand was Tough; My Mind was Tougher
2025 has been a challenging year economically in many places, particularly in Thailand. It hasn’t been a fun time for the recruitment business with sales numbers rolling in slowly.
A colleague of mine, whom I consider a friend, made the transfer from Switzerland to Bangkok early this year, only to find himself grappling with this tough market that has yet to reach Switzerland.
All these were very new to him, and he struggled trying to adapt to the local culture in a shrinking market, where competition is rife. Three months into the job, he confided in me that senior management had given him a warning.
‘Hit x number of sales within the following months, or he might be asked to leave.’ An unfortunate circumstance that adds further stress to him.
The Thought I Didn’t Expect
Now I’ve always considered myself a loyal and kind friend to those I care about. Yet to my surprise, the only and consistent thought that appeared in my mind was “I hope you fail and get booted.”
Behind the thought process, I thought since we’re both expats and company sales numbers are not looking great this year, in case of any cost-cutting measure, I’d rather he get the sack instead of me.
All of these thoughts happened within a matter of seconds, and I was shocked at my own callousness. Try as I might to arouse compassion and kindness, they eluded me while self-preservation remained at the forefront.
Winning the Wrong Race
Not long after this incident, I had another friend who is a well-known high achiever in my industry expressing a desire to join my company. I introduced her to my director, who instantly made an offer, and another thought appeared, “What if she outperforms me and I no longer get to be the top 5?”
Two different incidents, one selfish thought; Me, my reputation, my happiness.
For months, I felt like the worst human being. As a Buddhist, how could I have such thoughts on my friends that I claim to care about?
Naming the Real Culprit
It took me some time, but I came to accept that this is the sense of ‘self’ the Buddha spoke of that is so deep-rooted within our psyche.
It doesn’t mean I am ‘evil’ per se, but our thoughts, speech, and actions can be unwholesome when they are driven by self-preservation.
I consciously reminded myself that no one remains at the top forever. Even if I did maintain being a high achiever, so what? Being competitive and focusing on our own success is something that we’ve been taught to win the corporate race, but at what cost? I may win in the workplace, but I would lose wholesome values, real joy, and friendship in the long term.
Meeting Pressure with the Four Divine Abodes (Brahmaviharas)
I need to stay grounded in a competitive landscape and decided to focus on the following:
- Emphasise on the process, such as finding joy in being a responsible employee instead of just chasing success.
- Stabilise myself with the 4 ‘Divine Abodes’
- Loving kindness to colleagues I like and dislike
- Compassion for my colleagues in need
- Appreciative joy when my colleagues achieve success
- Equanimity when I gain success, or if I meet with failure
These two memorable incidents of 2025 were a wake-up call to my complacency. It made me reflect on my own shortcomings and how this Dhamma journey needs continuous effort. With the new year, I hope to increase not just my productivity in work, but also the Dhamma-productivity, and to be a good friend to myself and others.
Wise Steps
- Start the day by setting a process goal rather than a ranking goal, because showing up responsibly is controllable and calming, for example, “make five quality client calls and send one helpful market update.”
- Practise loving-kindness meditation before work, since warmth softens defensiveness, for example, silently wish “May my colleague in trouble be safe and supported.”
- Offer one concrete act of compassion each week, turning empathy into service, for example, cover a stressed teammate’s client briefing without expecting credit.
