Editor’s note: This is an adapted article from Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings.
TLDR: When life derails carefully laid plans, Ro shares her path to acceptance. Discover how gratitude can transform struggle into growth.
From the age of 5 to about 25, my life was a canvas of boundless possibilities. With a track record of excelling in academics and social pursuits, I was on a trajectory toward worldwide travel, influence, and impact. The sky was the limit, and I held the reins of my destiny firmly in my hands.
Envisioning adulthood, I saw myself jet-setting in power suits, a connoisseur of food, culture, and people. The details were blurry; after all, youth breeds a sense of timelessness.
The fundamental principle was unwavering: hard work would give me a voice worth listening to, translating into success, financial stability, and even a home worthy of Architectural Digest’s pages. It was a textbook definition of success that I had embraced wholeheartedly.
Reality: The humbling force
However, reality has a way of humbling even the most humble of dreams. As I delved into the complexities of adult life, I realised that success isn’t always a direct line from point A to point B.
The idea that input equated to a steady output was challenged thoroughly as I navigated my way to a career.
My journey through various organisational roles within global companies exposed me to life’s unpredictability and randomness. Talking to people and being exposed to individuals’ unique struggles was a stark reminder that we’re all doing our best with the cards we’ve been dealt—often, our best is more than enough.
Expecting more from your situation will only make you feel stuck and isolated.
The pain of life
Life, when it inevitably strikes with its full force, requires us to pivot and reframe.
My sister’s battles with addiction and multiple suicide attempts cast a dark shadow on my family. Witnessing the aftermath—my family torn apart and my sister transformed into a stranger to herself—left me feeling powerless.
The pain and distress were overwhelming, yet I mastered the art of masking them, presenting a composed facade to the world. At work and among friends, I was a composed monk concealing deep inner turmoil. I was living the Buddha’s First Noble Truth – that life inherently contains dissatisfaction/suffering.
In the chaos, my dreams became distant daydreams, replaced by a constant compulsion to keep busy, to avoid feeling and prevent the wave of emotions I must’ve known could rise if not careful.
Task by task, my aspirations faded into the background, accompanied by the occasional overwhelming self-disappointment and resentment toward my current circumstances. I was clinging to a fixed idea of self, running contrary to the Buddhist concept of ‘anatta‘ – that there is no permanent, unchanging self. Most things are beyond our control.
The realisation that I felt an inability to feel alive, happy or content compelled me to pause, to reflect. The gradual recovery of my sister through rehabilitation and professional support was paralleled by my own prolonged struggle with mental and physical health.
I found myself living a double life, outwardly functioning but inwardly stuck and fractured. The path I walked felt like survival, not the vibrant life I had envisioned.
Struggle and blessings
In the midst of my personal struggle, I realised that I had been blind to the blessings surrounding me. Resetting my expectations and practising gratitude was the key to finding my way back.
Taking stock of my life meant acknowledging the treasures I had been neglecting. My husband, healthy parents, stable job and nature. Gratitude, which often feels like sunlight through a clouded sky, began to illuminate the corners of my existence.
In the midst of pain and challenge, there were glimmers of hope, threads of connection, and moments of beauty. Even happiness. I began to rediscover myself, peeling away the layers of self-imposed isolation.
Embracing gratitude allowed me to reclaim my identity and redefine success. No longer was it solely about outward achievements; it became acceptance of the situation, a celebration of the present, a recognition of the journey I had undertaken.
I learned that resilience, empathy, and the capacity to find joy amid chaos were just as valuable as any accolade.
The twists and turns
Life’s unexpected twists and turns had redirected my course, but gratitude had the power to transform my perspective. It wasn’t about abandoning my dreams; it was about infusing them with authenticity and appreciating the experiences that had shaped me.
I no longer held onto the expectations of what my life should be and can see it for what it is. Full of flaws and potential.
As I stand at this crossroads, I carry with me the wisdom that life’s unexpected detours can lead us to destinations we never knew existed. Gratitude serves as both compass and armour, guiding us through challenges and illuminating the beauty that often hides in plain sight.
And so, with a new sense of purpose, I embark on a journey that’s less about control and restriction, and more about connection. Less about perfection and more about embracing the imperfectly beautiful present moment. With no expectations.
Wise Steps:
- Planning for a perfect future can make you fragile to change. Be ready for changes.
- Gratitude can illuminate our world when things get dark
