Editor’s note: This is an adapted article in collaboration with Ro. Do check out Roberta’s blog of reflection and learnings.

TLDR: As we navigate our careers and choose ‘what’s next’ for us, how can we figure out the core values that matter to us? Ro explores more.

I met a distant younger cousin at a family funeral service a few weeks ago. I had last connected with her when she was a semester away from graduating with her Undergrad business degree and she was eagerly picking my brains about how to get hired and tips on interviewing well. 

Enthusiasm & Jadedness

At the time, she was brimming with youthful energy, optimism, and a people-pleasing energy that made me sit back in my seat and appreciate the gumption. I wanted to bottle the zest and drip it into my morning coffee.

We were now meeting 8 years later and she is now working in a risk management division of a Major consulting firm in the city. Younger her would have been ecstatic at the notion of her future self working in a ritzy office, with a nice handbag and shoes, her hair glossy from professional salon appointments.

To my dismay, instead of being excited or passionate about her job and industry, she was jaded, unhappy about her career, and was thinking (nay, daydreaming), about changing industries and doing something “creative”. What had driven her to make the choices she had to become a working professional, only to backtrack and feel a sense of disappointment and regret?

Dukkha, unsatisfactoriness, labelled by the Buddha, was written across her face. Attachments to outcomes or how society pushes us to expect that certain jobs are perfect because of high prestige and pay to make us suffer.

Connecting with her at this different stage of our lives, allowed me to see her predicament with a ten-foot pole, with perspective. In a situation I completely related with, she had chosen security, others’ perceptions and potential comforts over her individual core values, and hadn’t given herself any opportunities to optimise her life around these values.

I felt lucky that I had kept a version of my core values alive through my mindfulness networks and constant striving for inner peace. She was feeling stuck with no other way to refill her cup and didn’t know where to start with this pivotal change.

Core Values

We need to regularly and often reflect on our fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. These are the ‘North Stars’ that guide our decision-making and behaviours. Without reflection, we can get swept up in the pressure of our networks, our parents, friends and acquaintances – and lose direction, purpose and clarity in our life choices. What are we working for? What are we contributing to?

The Buddha talked about Samma Ditthi or Right View, which encourages us to see things as they truly are. Having this at the back of our heads unblinds us to the reality that lies ahead. For everything we work towards, there is a craving with a corresponding Dukkha. We, as lay people, have to know that we need to choose a life that has manageable Dukkha and confront that reality.

Having met so many inspiring and strong-minded individuals, I can see the common thread through them is that they live their lives with dignity, boundaries and a strong sense of their own core values which are unique to each of us, even if they do evolve over time.

Identifying Your Core Values

This requires deep introspection and thoughtful consideration. So many of us don’t give ourselves the chance to discover our values, by copping out and blindly stating that we don’t know what we want. Well, here are some questions that I often use to help me identify what is important to me, and what may have changed over the years.

• What activities or experiences make me feel most fulfilled and energized?
• What qualities do I admire most in others, and why?
• What are the common themes or principles in my happiest memories?
• When have I felt the most authentic and true to myself?
• In what areas of my life do I consistently invest time, effort, and resources?
• When have I felt the most aligned with my purpose or sense of meaning?
• What legacy do I want to leave behind, and what values are essential in shaping that legacy?
• If I could only live by three to five guiding principles, what would they be?

Prioritising your Core Values

To uphold our core values in all aspects of our lives, we must make hard decisions to align our decisions with long-term goals and aspirations. This is where the disparity can occur, as we’re making choices and navigating our lives every day. 

However, these moments of consideration, however difficult, will result in harmony with our choices and allow us to live a life authentic to us. Here’s what helped me to integrate my core values into my daily life:

• Goal Setting. Ensuring goals align with core values and activities that are important to you.
• Decision Making. Cross-reference decisions with your core values, to ensure they match up.
• Boundaries. Ensure you have boundaries that uphold your core values in relationships and at work.
• Evaluating and Adjusting. We don’t always get it right, and often factors outside of our control will lead us to places we need to come back from. We need to constantly adapt to these changing circumstances and stick to a regular practice of self-reflection to evaluate our current actions and core values. We can always make necessary changes to get us back aligned with our ultimate goals.

When prompted, my little cousin reflects on her decisions as a result of the pressure and expectations from her parents and her comparisons with her university cohort. 

When all her friends were securing impressive, high-paying corporate jobs, it’s natural that she felt behind in life and rushed to secure her rights to brag. It’s a reminder that all that glitters is not gold, and being on the inside of the big corporate machine, my cousin realises that it’s not where she belongs. 

At 27, she will have to navigate a career change with resilience and motivation, but I have no doubts that when she hones in on what really brings her alive and what kind of work she really wants, this uncertainty will all make sense as an invaluable period of learning and unlearning.

It’s a reminder to us all, that we mustn’t forget to check our internal compass. Our core values will always point us in the right direction, even when the path ahead seems uncertain.

Wise Steps:

1. Use questions to guide your introspection. You can ask yourself what activities make you feel most fulfilled and energised.

2. Analyse happy memories: Look for common themes in your happiest experiences as these themes often point to your core values.