TLDR: This article explores the struggle of growing up gay in a conservative society and the conflicting messages from different Buddhist traditions. It highlights the Buddha’s early teachings, which focus not on sexual orientation but on living ethically, with compassion and non-harming.

Growing Up Gay in a Conservative Society

At fourteen, I noticed something different about myself—something society deemed abnormal. I found myself attracted to the same sex. I attended an all-boys’ school where masculinity and heterosexual norms were paramount. Anything even remotely feminine was ridiculed, and being called “gay” meant mockery and marginalisation.

I began my long performance: a straight boy in disguise. It was the only way I felt safe.

There was no one I could trust. Friends, classmates, even my own parents—none offered support. I still remember the sting of hearing my parents comment on the news of a gay DJ who had murdered his ex-boyfriend. “See, gay people are crazy,” they said. “That’s why they end up like this.” Their words pierced deeper than they knew and I was scared of being found out.

With nowhere to turn, I sought solace in religion, hoping for compassion and understanding. Yet even there, I faced rejection. In major faith traditions, homosexuality is often condemned. In certain sects of Traditional Chinese Buddhism, being gay is seen as morally deviant, a karmic transgression.

Renowned masters like Venerable Hsuan Hua had openly declared that homosexuality “plants the seeds that lead to rebirth in the lower realms.” In one of his teachings, he said: 

大家要知道，同性戀是違背天地之理，忤逆人倫之惡行。在他們後面都由妖魔鬼怪所慫恿、煽風點火，叫人直奔地獄門。(Everyone must understand that homosexuality goes against the natural order of heaven and earth and is a vile act that defies human ethics. Behind them are demons and evil spirits inciting and fanning the flames, leading people straight to the gates of hell.)

Those words haunted me. (I thankfully found closure on his comments which I will cover at the end of the article). 

I bore a heavy burden of guilt and self-doubt, questioning my worth, my sanity, and my right to exist. For years, I silently wrestled with feeling unworthy in the eyes of society and religion. How could I reconcile my faith with who I was? How could I accept myself when everything around me screamed that I was broken? 

This is not just my story. It is the story of many others who suffer quietly in the shadows—longing for acceptance, for love, for peace.

Encountering Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda

Perhaps this is exactly what the Buddhist concept of causes and conditions (因缘) is all about. One day, while in search of a Dharma-based perspective on sexual identity—still unconvinced by Venerable Hsuan Hua’s interpretation—I came across the writings of Venerable K. Sri Dhammananda an esteemed Theravāda Buddhist scholar-monk widely revered in Malaysia and Singapore.

His article, titled “A Buddhist View of Homosexuality”, immediately caught my attention. I felt drawn to its perspective, hoping to find a voice of clarity and compassion. One bold line stood out to me:

“There is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex. What is wrong is attachment and slavery to it, on believing that indulgence in sex can bring ultimate happiness.”
— Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda (1919–2006)

Reading that, I was overwhelmed. Finally, an affirmation that my sexuality was not something inherently wrong or abnormal. Tears of relief and quiet joy welled up inside me.

Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda offered an insight that was refreshingly non-condemnatory. In essence, he explained that homosexuality—like heterosexuality—arises from ignorance, but it is not “sinful” in the Abrahamic religions’ sense. All forms of sexual desire, regardless of orientation, can increase lust, craving, and attachment to the body. Yet with wisdom, we gradually outgrow these attachments. 

The goal of the spiritual path is not to single out or condemn homosexuality, but to transcend all forms of clinging, recognising that they all delay our liberation from Samsāra.

Initially comforting, this balanced and compassionate perspective soon gave way to confusion. I noticed stark divisions among contemporary Buddhist masters. Though some teachers of Traditional Chinese Buddhism take a critical stance on homosexuality, Buddhist scholar Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda emphasises inner transformation over external condemnation.

This left me with a burning question: How do we, as queer Buddhists, navigate such contradictory views within the same spiritual tradition?

Turning to The Historical Buddha 

In the face of contradictions among contemporary Buddhist voices, what could be wiser than to return to the earliest sources—to take refuge in the Early Scriptures that contain the voice of the historical Buddha, Gautama, himself? 

I embarked on a personal journey into the Early Suttas and Āgamas, with a focus on the Chinese Āgamas (《阿含經》), familiar to me through Chinese-language sources. My goal was to explore within the Chinese Buddhist tradition itself—not relying solely on later interpretive views but delving into the Buddhavacana, the words of the Buddha as preserved in scriptures Chinese Buddhists regard as authoritative.

I turned to the CBETA digital archive of the Taishō Tripiṭaka, accessing the Āgama texts to study what the Buddha had to say about topics like sexual misconduct. While there is a notable silence on LGBTQ-specific issues, what I discovered instead was wisdom and compassion from the Buddha who neither condemns nor excludes, but invites all beings onto the path. In Saṃyukta Āgama (SĀ) 1039¹:

行諸邪婬，若父母、兄弟、姊妹、夫主、親族，乃至授花鬘者，如是等護，以力強干，不離邪婬。[Engaging in sexual misconduct — if a woman is protected by her father, mother, brother, sister, husband, or relatives, or even one who has simply been offered a flower garland (signifying betrothal), and yet one forcibly violates her — this is not free from sexual misconduct.]

SImilarly, in Saṃyukta Āgama (SĀ) 1044²:

我既不喜人侵我妻。他亦不喜。我今云何侵人妻婦。是故受持不他婬戒。(Just as I would not be pleased if someone violated my wife, so too others would not be pleased. How then could I violate another man’s wife? Therefore, I uphold the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.)

Also, in Madhyama Āgama: The Upāsaka Sūtra (MA)³: 

復次，舍梨子！白衣聖弟子離邪婬、斷邪婬，彼或有父所護，或母所護，或父母所護，或兄弟所護，或姊妹所護，或婦父母所護，或親親所護，或同姓所護，或為他婦女，有鞭罰恐怖，及有名雇債至華鬘親，不犯如是女。彼於邪淫淨除其心，白衣聖弟子善護行，此第三法。(Furthermore, Śāriputra, a noble white-clad [lay] disciple abstains from sexual misconduct, refrains from it. That means: he does not violate a woman who is protected by her father, or mother, or both parents; or protected by her brother or sister; or by her husband’s family; or by relatives; or of the same clan; or one who is married to another man; or who is subject to punishment, fear of punishment; or one who is in debt; or even one who is bounded by a garland as a sign of engagement or kinship. He does not violate such women. In this way, the noble white-clad [lay] disciple completely purifies his mind with regard to sexual misconduct, skillful in protecting his actions. This is the third practice.)

From various passages in the Āgamas above (the Chinese parallels of the Nikāyas in the Pāli Canon), it becomes evident that laypeople are advised to abstain from sexual relations with “unsuitable partners”—typically defined as underage girls, women who are betrothed or married, and those who have undertaken religious celibacy. This guidance is clear and grounded in harmlessness. It suggests that, in early Buddhism, sexual misconduct is not about sexual orientation, but rather concerns actions that would disrupt families, violate commitments, or cause harm.

Such an understanding aligns closely with the broader Buddhist ethical principle: that which causes suffering to oneself or others is considered unwholesome—or more precisely, unskillful (akauśalya). Viewed in this light, there is no strong doctrinal reason to assume that same-sex relationships, if consensual and non-harmful, should be treated any differently than heterosexual ones.

So, one must ask: why obsess over a layperson’s sexuality or sexual orientation at all? If the Buddha himself is silent on the matter, what does that say about contemporary attempts to moralize sexual orientation among lay followers?

Embracing Who You Are Now Without Harming Yourself Or Others

The early discourses of the historical Buddha make it abundantly clear: what truly matters is not one’s sexual orientation, but one’s commitment to the path.

Accept yourself as you are, now, in this lifetime, be it heterosexual or homosexual, and walk the path sincerely with diligence. The essence of the Buddha’s teaching is simple yet profound, as mentioned in the Ekottara Āgama (EA)⁴:

Commit no evil, do good abundantly, purify your mind — this is the teaching of all Buddhas.

The real obstacle is not who we love, but whether we are caught in craving (tṛ́ṣṇā) and clinging onto the delusion that sensual pleasures bring lasting happiness. Without dispassion and renunciation, whether gay or straight, we remain in saṃsāra.

We are all capable of walking the path to liberation—regardless of gender, sexuality, or background.

So why can’t a gay person be a good Buddhist? As long as one lives according to the principle of non-harming—causing no harm to oneself, to others, or to both through body, speech, and mind—then one is undeniably walking the noble path, the path that leads to happiness, peace, and ultimately, liberation. As the Buddha advised his son, Rāhula, in the Ambalaṭṭhikarāhulovāda Sutta (MN 61):

“Does this act with the body that I want to do lead to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both? Is it unskillful, with suffering as its outcome and result?’ If, while reflecting in this way, you know: ‘This act with the body that I want to do leads to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both. It’s unskillful, with suffering as its outcome and result.’ 

To the best of your ability, Rāhula, you should not do such a deed. But if, while reflecting in this way, you know: ‘This act with the body that I want to do doesn’t lead to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both. It’s skillful, with happiness as its outcome and result.’ Then, Rāhula, you should do such a deed.”

Sexual orientation does not determine one’s rebirth or afterlife destination, contrary to assertions made by figures such as Venerable Hsuan Hua. A close examination of the Buddha’s words as preserved in the Āgamas and Nikāyas reveals that it is unwholesome actions—committed through body, speech, or mind—that lead to unfortunate rebirths, such as in the hell realms, the animal realm, or the realm of hungry ghosts. 

This is in the Apāyasaṁvattanika Sutta (AN 8.40), where the Buddha identifies eight unwholesome courses of action that lead to rebirth in the lower realms: (1) killing, (2) stealing, (3) sexual misconduct, (4) false speech, (5) divisive speech, (6) harsh speech, (7) idle chatter, and (8) the consumption of intoxicants. Notably, none of these factors pertains to sexual orientation. 

In contrast to certain moral frameworks that associate non-heteronormative identities with spiritual downfall, early Buddhist ethics does not regard sexual orientation—whether heterosexual, homosexual, or otherwise—as inherently unwholesome. 

What matters is the volitional quality (cetanā) and ethical nature of one’s actions. Thus, whether one identifies as gay, straight, bisexual, or otherwise, it is not one’s orientation that leads to rebirth in heaven or hell, but one’s intentional conduct and adherence to ethical principles. This reflects the emphasis on personal responsibility, ethical intentionality, and liberation through mindful and compassionate living in the Buddha’s teachings—regardless of one’s sexual identity.

Returning to the Heart of the Path

 How can a gay person be a good Buddhist?

If we live without harming ourselves or others—guided by mindfulness, kindness, and integrity—we are already walking the Noble Path. The Buddha cares less about who we love and more about how we live. We, too, can care in the same manner.

For years, I sought acceptance from religion and society yet no acceptance is found. But the early teachings of Buddha Gautama reminded me: it’s not the sexual identity that defines a practitioner, but intention and action.

May we all—regardless of orientation—walk this path with courage, clarity, and compassion. As mentioned in Ārya Asaṅga’s Abhidharmasamuccaya:

sattvāḥ sukhena samprayujyeran

May all sentient beings be endowed with happiness, for there is no one who rejects joy and happiness in their life. 

sattvā duḥkhena viyujyeran

May all sentient beings be separated from sufferings, for there is no one who takes delight in sufferings.

All sentient beings, be they straight or gay, are in constant search for love, joy and happiness. There is no one who rejoices in suffering.  Grounded in compassion, may we all inflict no more, unnecessary sufferings, on any being regardless of gender and sexuality.

Wise Steps:

1. Return to Early Texts: Focus on the Buddha’s ancient teachings in the Pāli Canon or Āgamas.
2. Live by Non-Harming: Let compassion and harmlessness guide your actions.
3. Practice Self-Acceptance: Embrace who you are while walking the path with sincerity and mindfulness.

References:

1. CBETA 2025.R1, T02, no. 99, p. 271b23-25.　
2. CBETA 2025.R1, T02, no. 99, p. 273b20-22.
3. CBETA 2025.R1, T01, no. 26, p. 616b23-29.
4.  CBETA 2025.R1, T02, no. 125, p. 551a13-14.