Support Us

Pre-order “Build Your Peace” Nanobricks Blind Box Now →

From social drinker to mindfulness: How I stopped drinking

From social drinker to mindfulness: How I stopped drinking

by | Sep 12, 2025 | Buddhist practice, Home, Lifestyle, Tech, Read, Wellbeing

TLDR: Drinking is a precept that some Buddhists struggle with. This isn’t a story about being perfect. It’s about slipping, pausing, and choosing a different path again and again.

Picture this: There I was, drink in hand at every social gathering, chasing that magical buzz that alcohol promised. The irony? I couldn’t stand the taste of any alcoholic drink – not beer, wine, or spirits. Yet there I was, drinking to feel that euphoric high, to fit in, to be “fun”.

The Tug of War between my practice and fitting in

But as my Buddhist practice deepened, I began questioning this habit, especially when confronting the Fifth Precept’s call for complete abstinence from intoxicants.

The FOMO on social connections initially held me back. How would I navigate celebrations, networking events, or simple gatherings where alcohol was central? I continued with my social drinking habits, but the once euphoric “high” I experienced now comes with the baggage of hiri and ottappa tugging at my consciousness. 

This nagging guilt about the Fifth Precept at the back of my mind soon became something which I couldn’t simply ignore.

I want to be a so-called “good” Buddhist and live up to the precepts, yet I wasn’t fully convinced of the motivation behind it. 

These frustrations, coupled with superficial guilt, eventually led me down a rabbit hole of reflections that completely transformed my perspective as I began to question why the Buddha included alcohol abstinence among the five basic ethical guidelines for lay Buddhists.

Intoxicating the Mind and Its Consequences

First, let’s talk about why the Buddha included alcohol in the five precepts.

Here’s the kicker – it’s not just about the alcohol itself.

The Fifth Precept is like a protective shield for the other four precepts (abstaining from killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, and lying). Think about it: how many times have you (or someone you know) done something you later regretted while under the influence? 

When we drink, our judgment becomes impaired, making it easier to break the other guidelines.

It’s a domino effect – one drink can lead to loosened inhibitions, potentially resulting in actions we’d normally avoid.

Stubborn me then argued: but I know my alcohol tolerance level and I have never gotten drunk before! I only drink with people I trust, I am careful, and I know when to stop, I…blah blah, the excuses go on. I tried to find loopholes and a way out of this fifth precept, which I saw as bothersome and limiting to my social experience. I was never convinced. 

How my relationship with the fifth precept evolved

From social drinker to mindfulness: How I stopped drinking

The life-changing transformation began in Dec 2021 when I participated in a 6-day meditation retreat with Ajahn Brahm. It was unfortunately in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, and Ajahn Brahm appeared only through a screen.

Throughout the retreat, Ajahn Brahm guided us on meditation, did his usual of skillfully cracking jokes while giving his engaging Dhamma talks. We also had the opportunity to raise questions. His onscreen presence radiated wisdom and warmth.

One of the many recurring answers on the Q&A sessions was on following the 5 precepts as a prerequisite for the protection of peace in our lives.

Ajahn Brahm definitely drilled that message into my mind! 

As a struggling beginner meditator, the retreat’s gentle structure, coupled with some consistent meditation sessions, set the conditions for calmness and clarity of my mind. My usual battles with physical discomfort or trying to hold out one extra minute to clock into Insight Timer, the meditation app, melted away. 

For the first time, I touched a sense of peace I never knew existed. Apart from the joy that came with the sits, the lunchtime Dhamma discussions with fellow kalyanamittas uplifted my mind. 

Then came the moment of clarity, which was crystal clear and overwhelming:

I wanted to surround myself with people like them. I wanted to BE like them.

They were all pushing towards what the Buddha said to be skilled in goodness, humble, kind and patient and not do things that the wise might later reprove.

I longed to live free from moral shame or guilt. I made a firm resolution to translate this admiration and gratitude into action. As Ajahn Brahm led us in taking the Three Refuges and Five Precepts, I knelt before the Buddha statue, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

With a trembling voice but a steady heart filled with admiration, I chanted the refuges and precepts, each word a stepping stone toward a more dedicated practice. I bowed to the Triple Gem with newfound faith and sincerity. 

The journey to being alcohol-free was far from smooth

The sudden surge of energy fueling the right effort got me into self-doubt if this is only a short-lived enthusiasm. True enough, the journey towards a zero alcohol intake is not always a smooth sailing one. I held my ground in many social events, ensuring that my determination stood strong and not just a fleeting interest. 

Of course, there have been lapses. I am only a human trying to be better. There were times when I hung out with friends and found myself in a bad mood or overwhelmed by life’s stresses.

In those weak moments, my mental resolve crumbled, and I fell back into old habits, drinking to numb the frustration. 

Yet, amidst these setbacks, I reminded myself that the precepts are not meant to be kept only when it is convenient. They are not mood-dependent. Each relapse taught me about resilience and the importance of bouncing back stronger. 

I strive to cultivate a robust mental resilience, knowing these challenges are part of the journey. I dare say that it takes a lot more now to persuade me to take even a sip of alcohol than it was before. 

Guess what? I’m still the life of the party with my cocktail-loving crew. But with a twist – the FOMO no longer knocks on my consciousness.

Instead of holding on to my usual hard liquor, I rock on to mindfulness with the same swag. 

The same glass that once contained my headlessness is now replaced by mindful orange juice. I am not left out in conversations, still as present, if not more so. When everyone raises their glasses for a toast, my OJ joins the symphony of ‘cheers’ with just as much sparkle.

Luckily for me, the beauty of authentic friendships revealed itself when I shared with my friends that I am on a “sobriety streak”. To my pleasant surprise, my colleague even shared with me their personal experiences having a partner who is on the same journey and cheered me on! 

Of course, there are always those well-meaning friends who wanna try their luck with the “just one won’t hurt!” – you know the type. 

For them, I would dodge the request with a gentle wave of my car keys like a magical talisman, “Can’t. Am driving tonight, sorry!” You might be surprised how this simple strategy gracefully deflects even the most persistent drinkers without dampening the social mood.

How mental clarity strengthens my resolve for change

From social drinker to mindfulness: How I stopped drinking

In this process, I saw myself having to put in less effort to tame the restless mind during meditation. My mind is clearer, and natural joy emerges. I discovered that the real “high” comes from being fully present in the here and now. 

The absence of guilt and remorse tugging at my inner voice might have played a part in a quieter mind space.

I greatly appreciate a more peaceful and clear moral compass that this decision has given me. 

Whether viewed through the lens of health, spiritual practice, or ethical conduct, there’s no logical reason to continue drinking alcohol. The reasons for being a social drinker are shaky at best – if alcohol is needed to lubricate interactions, doesn’t that suggest that the company itself is.. uninspiring? 

It puts to question our choice of company. Hence, the benefits of abstinence far outweigh any temporary pleasures or social conveniences that drinking might offer me.

Try taking a break from alcohol. Watch how your meditation deepens, and conversations with friends become more interesting. You might just discover, as I did, that it is more liberating than you can imagine.

The journey to clarity begins with a single choice – why not make it today?

Wise Steps:

  • Reflect Honestly on Your Relationship with Alcohol. Take time to observe why you drink — is it for social acceptance, stress relief, or habit? Ask yourself if alcohol truly enhances your experiences or if it masks discomfort.
  • Associate with the Wise. Surround yourself with like-minded people or attend retreats and discussions that reinforce values of mindfulness, clarity, and compassion.
  • Gentle on Yourself. It is okay to fail and try again. We are all a work in progress because we are no Arahants (yet)… We try to the best of our abilities, and sometimes that is good enough. 

Links and local resources if you or someone requires support:

National Addictions Management Service (NAMS): 6-RECOVER (6-7326837) [email protected]

WE CARE Community Services Ltd: 3165 8017 [email protected]

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): +65 8112 8089

The Cabin: +65 3158 7621

Abhisanda Sutta: Rewards (AN 8.39)

Sigalovada Sutta (DN 31)

Mahanama Sutta (AN 8:25)

Becoming Better: Two Principles You Should Know About Buddhist Morality

Becoming Better: Two Principles You Should Know About Buddhist Morality

by | Jun 10, 2022 | Read, Reflections on core teachings

Editor’s note: This is an edited excerpt from Buddhist scholar Sylvia Bay’s Chapter on Morality. Beyond the familiar 5 precepts (training guides for laypeople), she explores deeper into the principles behind them. Principles help colour in the grey areas we sometimes see in ‘rules’. TLDR & Wise Steps have been added by the HOL Team

TLDR: Right or wrong. Can or cannot. Some Buddhists are sticky on rules, some are not. Sylvia Bay shares on taking a step back and understanding the Buddha’s principles towards morality.

For the thinking Buddhist, it is not enough to know what is good or bad, right or wrong and should this or should that not be done. 

It is just as important to understand why the moral code is so. By understanding the basis for sīla (morality), we will know what is right and should be done under any circumstances without having to fret about the correct interpretation of precepts or to consult another. 

Two key principles need to be highlighted as they underpin Buddha’s teaching on sīla: empathy and spiritual utilitarianism. 

1. Principle of Empathy 

Buddha had taught that when considering whether an action is right or wrong, we should see things from the recipient’s perspective. What we do not like, it is fair to assume that others would not either. 

What we like, they probably would as well. Therefore the point is to treat another, the way you would want to be treated. 

The empathy principle underpins four of the five layman moral precepts, the ten unwholesome actions and several of the wholesome qualities mentioned earlier. For instance, on killing, Buddha had said that everyone wished to live and not die and everyone was “fond of pleasure and averse to pain”. 

If we dread pain and value our life, then we should not inflict pain on another and intentionally deprive him of his life. Likewise, just as you value your possessions and would experience pain or loss if you were to lose them, then you should not take another’s belongings. You do not like being lied to, then do not lie to another. You do not like to be the object of gossip, slander, angry words and so on, then avoid subjecting others to the same. 

Be kind and considerate, show respect, be reasonable and gentle, and so on. 

If we go by this empathy principle, we can probably resolve most moral dilemmas ourselves without having to consult another. 

For instance, let’s examine some commonly asked ‘controversial’ questions. Should we tell someone who is dying the truth of his prognosis? Is a white lie acceptable? Should homosexuality be condemned? 

To answer these questions, simply pose them to yourself with the same questions: if you were dying, would you want to be told the truth? Would you accept being told a white lie? Would you want to be condemned for your sexual preferences? You know your answers. 

If you do not extend the same courtesy to others, then you are exercising double standards, aren’t you? How can that be sīla?

2. Spiritual Utilitarianism 

By spiritual utilitarianism, it means that an action is skilful, good and should be performed if it increases the well-being and happiness of you and others, and takes you closer to Nibbāna.

Conversely, an action that brings pain and suffering to all and that takes you further away from Nibbāna is unskilful, bad and should be avoided. 

Buddha had advised his disciples to reflect as follows before undertaking any action: it should be avoided if it “leads to my own affliction, to other’s affliction, and to the affliction of both; it obstructs wisdom, causes difficulties, and leads away from Nibbāna.”

In a similar vein and a touch of more detail, Buddha instructed his son, Rāhula, to reflect on his actions “like a mirror”, i.e., objectively, and to avoid any “unwholesome bodily action” that leads to “my own affliction or to the affliction of others”, and that comes “with painful consequences, with painful results”.

One may protest and say if one is clueless about Nibbāna, how does one tell if an action will take one closer to or farther away from it? 

That is a valid point. 

Therefore, for one new to the Dhamma or still struggling with understanding it, Buddha offered another perspective. He said we would know for ourselves when we are feeling calm or agitated, happy or sad, content or troubled and so on. 

Intuitively we know that a peaceful state of mind is beneficial and pleasing while a shaky, restless and agitated one is painful and probably harmful. Therefore, undertake actions that lead to a calm and peaceful mind and avoid those that increase yearning, anger, restlessness and worry. 

This principle of spiritual utilitarianism underpins the fifth (Precept of Avoiding Intoxicants Which Cause Heedlessness) of the five layman precepts, and the practitioner component of the eight and ten precepts as well as some of the meritorious actions mentioned above. 

Wise Steps:

  • Develop empathy towards others by reflecting on how we wish to be treated. Rather than sticking to just following the ‘rules’, we also need space to empathise with others
  • Conduct yourself in a way that increases the overall well-being of oneself and others. Every intentional action we take, mental or physical, either brings us closer to the path of peace or away from it.